tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC March 31, 2017 11:35pm-12:38am PDT
11:35 pm
>> have a great weekend. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- bill hader -- from "superstore," america ferrera and music from imagine dragons. and now, first things first -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there. very kind. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. thanks for coming. we have so much to get to. starting with -- a very exciting development for those of you who love shopping at costco but hate shopping at costco. soon you will be able to soon have your costco order brought right to your door just like you do with food now with the
11:36 pm
delivery app called shipt. they're rolling out in tampa first, they are. then they hope to reach 50 cities by the end of the year. if they're successful, if we were able to get everything from costco delivered directly, there's no reason to ever leave the house again. [ laughter ] the big question is, how much do i tip someone for carrying 34 pounds of ribs and two gallons of the barbecue sauce up my driveway? this is a step in the right direction, but my dream, what i would like to do is cut out the middleman completely and just move into a costco so i don't have to get anything delivered at all. i love going to costco. it's one of my hobbies. i went to costco on sunday just because i hadn't been there in a while. i didn't need anything. they get worried if i don't check in. i like to see what's new, maybe buy 100 rolls of paper towels, sometimes i'll watch "finding dory" in its entirety on one of the big-screen tvs. maybe it's because i haven't been in a couple of months, i noticed some things sunday that upset me and i want to mention them. these are not rules exactly but
11:37 pm
they should be. i'm an executive member and i have some tips for fellow shoppers. shopping at costco, it's like driving on the freeway, it's not a place to drift, it's not a place to weave. you have to stay focused. especially on the weekend when it's packed. if you meander, if you go side to side looking at the cereal and the nuts, you're going to kill someone, okay? [ laughter ] when you're in the aisle at costco, shop with purpose. grab hold of that cart with two hands, work it like the throttle on a dirt bike. rev it up and always stay with your cart. don't leave your cart in the middle of an aisle and go off on a spacewalk. think of your cart as a ship. the cart is a ship. and you're the captain. the cart needs to go where the captain goes. you don't abandon ship. if i get stuck behind a cart somebody ditched like in the jam-packed produce section while they went off to look at the "fast and furious" blu-ray collection? i don't just stand there waiting for them to come back, i do something about it. what i do is i'll take something
11:38 pm
out of their cart. [ laughter ] i remove one item from the cart so they go crazy looking for it when they get home. where the hell are the vidalia onions? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] they're at my house, that's where. here's one. this is a tip for the employees in the checkout line at costco. yes, i do need a box. okay? we all do. always. for the same reason we need bags at the supermarket, multiplied by ten. you don't have to ask. that's like saying, asking if i want soda with a cup. i want it, yes. if i have more than two things, i need a box. and i always have more than two things at costco. this is a controversial subject. samples. this is what they call a wedge issue. everybody loves the samples at costco which is great, fine. it's tuesday at 10:00 a.m., the store's empty, you want to try a jalapeno popper, hang out with the lady with the toaster oven on her table all afternoon if you want, make a day out of it, i don't care, go nuts. but if the store's crowded, i need to get past you and i don't
11:39 pm
want to wait for your four cheese ravioli to be ready to do it. costco is not a food court, it's a store. you may have time to stand around, i need to get through. some of these monsters, and maybe some of you in this room do this, will actually form a circle around the sample table. i've seen whole families gather around. children, uncles, grandparents, pets they'll bring in. that's not acceptable. it's not a wedding. if the food isn't ready, circle back around if you have to, but do not form a line. it's not the hometown buffet, it's costco. [ cheers and applause ] if you like the chicken bake, buy some of it. eat all you want of it at home. and stop acting like you never tasted a churro before. this is very good. the best is when you have to sit there while they're pretending they're going to buy some. what aisle are these on? don't patronize the sample people, they see it every day. one other thing. yes, they do have clothes at
11:40 pm
costco if you've not been there. but if you wear them, know this, no one will have sex with you, okay? [ laughter ] that huge table piled up with like a thousand sweat jackets? it's a form of birth control, okay? i've done studies and i know this. no man in a purple kirkland polo shirt has ever felt the touch of a woman. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] buy your clothes somewhere else. go to marshall's. they have dressing rooms. so there you go. that's all you need to know. happy shopping. am i right on this, guillermo? >> guillermo: you're right. >> jimmy: thank you, guillermo, i'm always right. if i was president trump this is what i would be focused on. there's so much crazy stuff going on right now. this trump and russia thing, this isn't going away any time soon. there was a big story by the associated press. trump's former campaign chairman paul manafort who ran the trump campaign for six months in 2006 had a $10 million a year contract with a russian billionaire. and his job was to promote the interests of vladimir putin. he says while he did consult his
11:41 pm
russian client on personal and business matters, his work did not involve representing political interests. remember that captain america a few years back, the movie where everyone in the government was a hydra agent? it seemed like, oh that would never -- it's a documentary now, okay? [ laughter ] imagine, thinking about this last night, can you imagine what donald trump would be tweeting if president obama or hillary clinton's campaign manager had a $10 million a year contract to promote the russian government? he wouldn't know what to do. the words wouldn't even come out of his twitter. he'd be so excited. he'd probably have to start using emojis. here's what he'd tweet. he'd tweet like, bear, bear, handcuffs, white house, prison bars, russian flag, middle finger, devil face, babushka, he'd go completely off the rails. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] even if you love donald trump, you know that's true. [ laughter ]
11:42 pm
you know it. you know he would be tweeting until his tiny little thumbs broke off. so white house stress secretary sean spicer got questions about this today. he told the reporters that paul manafort played a very limited role in the trump campaign. actually claimed that the campaign chairman had a very limited role. other than being chairman. of the campaign. his role was limited. well, here's sporty spicer at the white house this afternoon. >> did the president know that he had worked to advance putin's interests previous to becoming the campaign chairman? >> not -- the president was not aware of paul's clients from last decade, no. >> is that a problem? now that all this is coming out -- >> but what is coming out? what else don't we know? where he went to school, what grades he got, who he played with in the sandbox? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. just his primary source of income was millions of dollars from a russian billionaire. we could skip past the sandbox, yes. meanwhile, while all this is
11:43 pm
happening, the president is still bopping around giving speeches to enthusiastic crowds. maybe even having a few drinks. this is tonight's edition of "drunk donald trump." [ tape playing slowly ] >> where's steve? where is he? they lost him backstage. steve stivers, where is he? steve, what the hell happened? i think he left. everyone's looking. the second time it's been like this. steve, are you there? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: steve, you're in trouble. i hope steve wasn't his ride home. we're going to take break. when we come back from the break
11:44 pm
we have a former nasa engineer, mark rober, he's got great ideas for april fools pranks. mark rober has a knack for this kind of stuff. last time he was here for halloween, he made a pumpkin with eyes, the old bloody hand trick, we put iphones to make beating hearts. and he made it look like our heads were in jars. when we come back, mark is going to teach you some simple and original ways to torment your family and friends next weekend, so stick around, we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
11:45 pm
11:46 pm
make history. ♪♪"let me tell you 'bouts" the birds the beesn ♪ ♪ ♪ and the flowers and the trees♪ ♪ and the moon up above ♪ and a thing called love. ♪ ♪ let me tell you 'bout the stars in the sk♪, ♪ a girl and a guy ♪ ♪ and the way they could kiss on a night like this ♪ life's as big as you make it. introducing the all-new seven seater volkswagen atlas ♪ and a thing called love.
11:47 pm
liz assumed all dressingsrust were made equal. assume nothing. just like the leading brands, these kraft dressings are made with high quality ingredients, at a price you can feel good about. no wonder kraft is so good. adios, honey, hasta la vista, baby. (sing-songy) i'm a fat guy in a little coat. fat guy in a little coat. that rug really tied the room together. any questions? bueller? bueller? stream all your entertainment. introducing at&t's new unlimited data plans. plus, get the amazing new iphone 7 on us. therbut, you don't have tongs youdo any of them.on. ♪
11:48 pm
11:49 pm
still ahead, america ferrera, bill mader. music from the imagine dragons is coming. first, april fools' day is coming up next weekend. here to share impractical but potent pranks for your loved ones, a former nasa engineer who gave that all up to become a youtube superstar, mark rober, come on out, mark! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'll let you come over here, these are your things. you come up with these ideas on your own? >> for the most part, yeah. >> jimmy: you spend a lot of time thinking about it? >> that's right, this is all i do in my free time. >> jimmy: it seems like you really wasted your degree. what is your degree in? >> mechanical engineering. >> jimmy: all right, okay. you know what? i bet your folks are probably real excited. >> real proud. >> jimmy: you got your mechanical engineering degree, now here you are. >> the idea is april fools day pranks you can use with junk around your house. >> jimmy: there are pranks and some are very complicated, these are not. >> start simple and get more complex.
11:50 pm
>> jimmy: okay, great, all right. >> this one is easy to do around the office. you know the anti-bacterial hand soap. >> jimmy: i've heard of it. >> put it on your hand, rub it together, it evaporates. replace it with extra-strength hold hair gel. >> jimmy: empty it out? >> and put it in, you can't really tell. >> jimmy: then what happens? >> go ahead. >> jimmy: okay, yeah, i want to keep my hands clean. >> yeah. and they're like fused together. >> jimmy: yeah, it's never coming off is really what's happening. [ laughter ] and the prank is that everyone in the family gets the flu? [ laughter ] hold on a second, i've got to get this stuff off. >> sure. >> jimmy: excuse me for one -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, that's simple, that's good. >> we're going to up our game. a little more complex. taking a water balloon filler-upper thins and orange juice -- >> jimmy: where do you get those?
11:51 pm
>> any store, they're pretty common. pour it into here. take a balloon, load it here. put on it the nozzle. then this is pressurized. we've cut a window so you can see what's going on here. when i push this, what's happening is it's taking orange juice from here, filling up that balloon. >> jimmy: you're putting it in a bladder. >> that's right. a bladder. as it were. >> jimmy: all right. >> once it's like sufficiently filled, then you're going to go ahead and take it off this nozzle and fold it over sort of the nozzle on the container. >> jimmy: okay. >> put the cap on real quick. then when your mom and dad come downstairs to get like orange juice in the morning, right? >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> this happens. oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, that's good. >> they'll think it's hilarious. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> they'll think it's really funny. >> jimmy: my dad would absolutely beat the crap out of me if i had done that. [ laughter ]
11:52 pm
does it work with milk too? or just orange juice? >> beverage of choice. >> jimmy: what if you live alone, could you do this to yourself? >> you could but that's pretty sad. >> jimmy: we're starting a little more complicated, still pretty simple. >> yeah, this is maybe our most dangerous. going to take some kind of container like this. what you do is you like peel off the label. >> jimmy: okay. >> then cut a slit in it then take a phone of your favorite loved one and just kind of stick it in there. like so. and then -- >> jimmy: replace the label. replace the label. it's a modern-day ship in the bottle kind of thing. now what you can do is set on it the counter and call them or maybe use this as their alarm clock. basically get their reaction. >> jimmy: you did this? >> as a man of science i wanted to test this, yeah. i tested it on some people. >> jimmy: first test is somebody sleeping and the thing goes off. he's throwing his own phone. who's this?
11:53 pm
>> this is my aunt pam. >> what the hell is this? how my going to get -- how did my phone get in here? [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: aunt pam. [ applause ] let me ask you this, what if you don't have an aunt pam? how will you handle that? can you still do it? >> you still could. but the reaction will be best if you have my aunt pam. >> jimmy: your aunt pam. >> that's the tip of the iceberg. >> jimmy: my aunt chippy would be good with that too but she doesn't know how to use a phone. i have one of these at my house. and i've been wanting actually to do something with this. you have a great idea. you've come up with an angle that i did not know existed. >> this is -- i feel like this is sort of a late-night television first. here we told them about pranks but we're about to do one realtime. this is the amazon echo. allegedly they sold like 10 million, they're all over the place.
11:54 pm
for those who don't know, it's a voice-controlled personal assistant. >> jimmy: yes. >> it works really well but the thing is, it works for anyone in the family for their voices, including my voice, including if i'm going through the tv. so what i'm about to do is we're going to pick a really annoying song. and we're going to have her play it. and so then this will play in millions of homes. >> jimmy: do it quick so they don't have time to hit the remote. >> that's right. so like basically, we're going to -- before we do that, the catch is we're going to turn it up to max volume. for two reasons. one, if there's someone at home who's like fallen asleep watching the news before your show, they're about to get woken up and be really confused. the second reason we turn it to max volume when is it's playing really loud and she's cranking out the music, she can't hear you to tell you to stop. normally you can tell her to stop from across the room but she won't be able to. >> jimmy: show me. >> alexa, volume 10. alexa, play "who let the dogs
11:55 pm
out." >> playing "who let the dogs out." ♪ who let the dogs out who who ♪ who let the dogs out who who [ cheers and applause ] ♪ who let the dogs out who who >> alexa, stop. alexa, stop. alexa, stop. alexa! stop! alexa, stop. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: how do you get alexa to stop? >> i don't know. shut up, alexa! >> jimmy: i have a prank i want to play, i thought of a good one. %-p >> jimmy: here we go. alexa, order a pool noodle. >> the top search result for pool noodle is standard swim noodles, 35-pack. it's $50, total including tax. >> jimmy: 35-pack, yeah. >> would you like to buy it? >> jimmy: yes, 10 of those. [ laughter ] >> your total for 10 units is $500 including tax. would you like to buy it? >> jimmy: yes.
11:56 pm
[ laughter ] >> okay. >> jimmy: my hope is that somebody fell asleep and doesn't realize what just happened, and like on wednesday of next week they get -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: one more. this is one you cannot do at home. this is amazing. >> that's right. for this last one, all you're going to need is a dartboard, six stepper motors, a vicon motion control system, a master's in mechanical engineering. you were making fun but look at this. >> jimmy: i stand corrected. >> okay. so what you're going to do is give this dart to your buddy. you're going to challenge him just to like hit the board. >> jimmy: just try to hit the board, okay, all right. >> hey, hot shot. double or nothing? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, all right, ready? [ laughter ] >> all right. so i step up here.
11:57 pm
>> jimmy: it does this automatically? >> that's right. >> jimmy: you built this? >> that's right. i step up. here we go. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: unbelievable. and this is simple to build? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, this is great. wow, thank you very much, mark rober, everybody! he's got a youtube channel, go check out all his shenanigans there. [ cheers and applause ] we have a great show tonight. music from imagine dragons. from "superstore" america ferrera is here. and we'll be right back with bill hader. so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (vo) they say glory awaits at the finish. but what about the start? the strength it takes to begin, and sometimes begin again... you just gave birth to another human. (distant cheering and clapping) talk about a comeback. (distant cheering and clapping continues)
11:58 pm
get your start with under armour, now at kohl's. i recently discovered that a good source of protein. that's why they're my go-to snack while i get back in shape. that one's broken. say goodbye to extra taxes and fees on your wireless bill... ...and hello to t-mobile one. right now, get two lines of unlimited data for a hundred bucks. taxes and fees included! two lines, a hundred dollars, all in, all unlimited. switch today. we've been a symbol of thers. future, a standard, a star. but our past is just that, past.
11:59 pm
12:02 am
12:03 am
[ cheers and applause ] they've got lasers and everything tonight. dan reynolds, the lead singer of the band and his wife are expecting twins any minute now. so if dan bolts offstage midsong, that is why. somebody just told me my alexa, i just said it again in my office upstairs, is on. and i just accidentally ordered myself -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: $500 worth of pool noodles. alexa, cancel order for pool noodles. i hope that worked. anyway. tomorrow night, shaquille o'neal will be here, the creator of the show "legion" and "fargo" noah hawley will join us, and we'll have music from mondo cozmo. so please be with us again. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest is a man of many voices and faces with a new movie in which he has one voice and no face at all. he plays robot side-kick alpha 5 in "saban's power rangers" it opens in theaters friday. please say hello to bill hader.
12:04 am
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> wow! [ cheers and applause ] what a nice audience. >> jimmy: sorry, i think i may have gotten some of guillermo's hair gel on you. you, did that was weird. >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> good. >> jimmy: we had a very exciting experience together. >> yeah. >> jimmy: we did a tribute to bill murray. >> yep. >> jimmy: at the kennedy center. >> that's true. >> jimmy: which for me was very, very, very exciting. and for you was a mixed -- i've been hearing reports. i've been hearing your accounting of the story. >> yeah, what happened after we left. >> jimmy: what happened afterwards from mutual friends. >> so we were at the mark twain awards honoring bill murray, jimmy was hosting, i was in it, it was a huge honor. next day my wife and i were going to fly home commercial. like most people.
12:05 am
but jimmy said, hey! i have a private plane. >> jimmy: well, i don't -- [ laughter ] >> baby shoes? what's your advantages? >> jimmy: baby shoes, that's it. baby shoes. >> baby doll? >> jimmy: sunday night, i had to get back to work to do the show. >> yes, yes. he had a private plane take us back. so -- >> jimmy: i invited you and your wife. >> wife maggie, you and molly, stephanie your makeup person -- >> jimmy: i wear makeup on my private jet, yes. >> she was doing us all up, that was fun. >> jimmy: by the way, that was your publicist, not my publicist. >> okay. we sound like a bunch of jerks. my publicist and my makeup person. so we drive up there, get to the airport, it's 1:00 in the morning. the first thing that made me nervous, we got there, and the pilot is leaning against a wall like this with a cup of coffee. he goes, plane's that way, plane's that way. i'm like --
12:06 am
[ laughter ] and it started to feel like the end of the movie "la bamba." you know? i was ritchie valens, you were the big bopper, these things never go down, ritchie, come on! let's do it, it will be fun, ritchie! i'm like, all right. we get on the plane and we had this stewardess. i don't remember, the stewardess. she was like, exactly however many feet i will be serving you all a salad. we were like, all right, whoa. oh, this is great. a salad at 3:00 in the morning? and so we're on the plane. and we're going. and everything's fine. we're having a good time. and then stephanie, makeup, she went up to the cockpit to talk to the pilot. and she said, i'm curious, how much fuel do you burn from washington, d.c. to l.a.? and he looked at his gauges and
12:07 am
he went -- you need to go put on your seat belt. she comes back, her eyes are this big, the pilot just said we have to -- i'm going, what? oh, oh, no -- then the plane went like this. it just went like that. the stewardess went, okay, that is not supposed to happen. >> jimmy: she did say that, yeah. >> so i'm getting really nervous. you weren't nervous. >> jimmy: i wasn't nervous at all. i was like, really? what's the problem here? let's just roll the dice. power through it. >> jimmy wasn't nervous because jimmy was tired. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] he was tired. >> jimmy: how dare you. >> he was really tired. >> jimmy: i don't know what you're insinuating. >> jimmy was incredibly tired. and alexa -- >> jimmy: alexa, order me a bottle of ambien. >> sorry. >> jimmy: go ahead. >> so he was tired.
12:08 am
and we're -- >> jimmy: can i tell you something about myself? i would rather crash in the plane than be late for work the next day. i have a different form of anxiety. >> i don't care about your job. [ laughter ] i don't care about your job! on time? my wife and i are sitting over here going, who do we leave in the will to the -- who's going to take care of our kids -- >> jimmy: very nervous, yeah. >> i'm not thinking about your job. >> jimmy: if donald trump saw you he'd grab you, just grab you. you know what i'm saying? i think you know what i'm saying. all right, go ahead. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> so we land. and we're fine. and i'm like -- you're like that. huh, what are you so mad about? ♪ buffalo soldiers and i'm over there -- then put us in a van and they -- we land
12:09 am
in louisville, kentucky. nothing. and then -- so they put us in a van, 4:00 in the morning, whatever. we get to this hotel. the only hotel open is like it's a haunted hotel. >> jimmy: we were dead. as the plane's landing, i'm on my phone, on yelp finding us a hotel. i got a car to pick us up. i was on top of my game. [ cheers and applause ] >> you were doing that, you were doing that. you were on yelp, doing all that stuff. giggling. and then we got to the hotel. we get in. and it's like, yeah, yelp, i don't know but -- your yelp thing was like, don't go here, it's a haunted hotel. that's the hotel we went to. we went in and jimmy did this grand gesture of like, hey, i'm going to get everybody's room. >> jimmy: i didn't say that. >> yes, you did. >> jimmy: i just didn't let you get the credit card, i feel guilty already that i'd put you on a defective plane. >> yes, and you said, i want to get your room.
12:10 am
and i was like, you should get my room, [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i was nervous. >> jimmy: yeah. >> then we flew out the next morning. remember the van ride out? the guy was just talking to us about, he makes his kids' halloween costumes. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> i'm nervous going out to this plane. jimmy's drawing this guy out. >> jimmy: chatting with him. >> wow, really, wow. so cape girl and what? >> jimmy: do you remember what he said? i asked the guy what his kids were going for halloween. it was halloween time. he said, superheroes. i said what superheroes? he said, just superheroes. [ laughter ] >> i remember that because i was like praying. i was going on a plane. superheroes, huh? that's interesting. >> jimmy: and then we got on the plane. >> then we got on and everything was fine, jimmy was like what are you worried about? but no, you were great. >> jimmy: in other words, you're welcome what is i'm trying to say. [ cheers and applause ]
12:11 am
no good deed goes unpunished. all right, we're going to take a break. we're going to focus on you when we come back. bill hader has a movie called "saban's power rangers." we'll be back right after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ could bounce back like it used to? neutrogena® hydro boost water gel. instantly quenches skin to keep it supple and hydrated day after day. with hydrating hyaluronic acid, which retains up to a thousand times its weight in water. this refreshing water gel plumps skin cells with intense hydration and locks it in. for supple, hydrated skin that bounces back. the hydro boost skincare line from neutrogena®. see what's possible. i got it. i gotcha baby. (vo) it's being there when you're needed most. love is knowing... he's the one. (vo)...it was meant to be. and love always keeps you safe. we're fine. (vo) love is why we built a car you can trust.
12:12 am
now and for a long time to come. the all-new subaru impreza sedan and five-door. a car you can love no matter what road you're on. the subaru impreza. more than a car, it's a subaru. ♪♪ we be way too fly,e team bout to take flight ♪ ♪ i don't know what you've been told ♪ ♪ it takes two just like hot and cold ♪ ♪ it takes two to make a thing go right ♪ ♪ it takes two to make it outta sight ♪ this this this is my body of proof. proof of less joint pain and clearer skin. this is my body of proof that i can take on psoriatic arthritis with humira. humira works by targeting and helping to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to both joint and skin symptoms. it's proven to help relieve pain, stop further joint damage, and clear skin in many adults. humira is the #1 prescribed biologic for psoriatic arthritis.
12:13 am
humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. want more proof? ask your rheumatologist about humira. what's your body of proof? [music / beat-box vocals playing] ♪ you're gonna rock the party ♪ ♪ ♪ rock this party up say goodbye to extra taxes and fees on your wireless bill... ...and hello to t-mobile one. right now, get two lines of unlimited data for a hundred bucks. taxes and fees included! two lines, a hundred dollars, all in, all unlimited. switch today.
12:14 am
when you eat a subway® $6 footlong sub of the day. it's the taste you love, at a price you can't get enough of. the $6 footlong sub of the day. seven days, seven footlongs, seven more ways to enjoy subway®. i heard superheroes read chucks norris comics.d you. i heard at night, the boogeyman checks under the bed for chuck. i heard cats say they have chuck-like reflexes. do you think he's still got it? i bet you a buck he catches this salt shaker. you're on! hey! chuck! you owe me a buck. you can't always see what's coming but when you choose unitedhealthcare, finding an in-network doctor that's close to home is easy. so what happened? i had lunch with chuck norris. ♪ unitedhealthcare.
12:15 am
12:17 am
♪ ♪ >> been waiting for you. wait, where's the other guy? one, two, three, four -- oh, there he is. all of you. >> in a spaceship buried underground? howl have you been waiting? >> what's today, monday? >> yeah. >> then 65 million years. >> jimmy: that is bill hader in "saban's power rangers." it's the power rangers. >> jimmy: there's a saban in there. >> well, no, yeah. who created it, i guess. >> jimmy: you play a robot, alpha 5 is the name of the robot. when you go in there do they say, we want you to sound a specific way? how does it work? do you work it out with the director? >> yeah. initially you come in with a bunch of voices. i've done so many voices i've run out of them. what if we just do mine?
12:18 am
they're like, yeah, sure, you know. >> jimmy: did you try anything else? >> yeah, i mean, you try -- yeah. you know, you go in like, hello, nice to meet you. [ laughter ] i'm alpha 5! nice to meet you. then i'll try something like this. listen, you're a right geezer, yeah? you're a power ranger, that right? they didn't like that. >> jimmy: they didn't like that? >> they didn't like that. >> jimmy: do they tell you? >> oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. saban himself. don't like that. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you should have done him. bryan cranston is in the movie as well. >> yeah. >> jimmy: did you actually -- he's also like -- he's part -- >> he's zordon. he's a face and a wall. and we had to have an alien language. we had to learn an alien language. >> jimmy: i noticed that. i did see that. bryan speaking some weird
12:19 am
klingon-esque type of language. >> then we had to have a conversation. you know, you have script in front of you and you're just reading. [ speaking foreign language ] the director will be, bill, do it again, it's "huhangskk." >> jimmy: this is a completely made-up language. >> why, are you worried somebody from this planet is going to be in the audience? [ laughter ] [ speaking gibberish ] like, no, come on. [ cheers and applause ] i will say elizabeth banks in the movie, she's kind the bad guy, she's awesome in it. she learned it. and is fluent in it. >> jimmy: she still knows it now? >> she still knows it. [ speaking gibberish ] i'm like, get out of here. so you're perfect, you're perfect. >> jimmy: the movie came out really good, i thought. >> yeah, yeah, fun. >> jimmy: "saban's power rangers." bill hader is the robot in it. [ cheers and applause ] bill hader, everybody. be right back with america ferrera!
12:20 am
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ before you text email take a picture watch a show listen to music or make a call... we ensure your phone will go through our toughest safety check ever. introducing our 8-point battery safety check you're not going to make it. best-selling brand? do you think you can make it? uhh... make it... every time. nice! going further to keep drivers moving freely. that's ford...
12:21 am
and that's how you become america's best-selling brand. liz assumed all dressingsrust were made equal. assume nothing. just like the leading brands, these kraft dressings are made with high quality ingredients, at a price you can feel good about. no wonder kraft is so good. when you're close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment? if you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace the chance of completely clear skin with taltz. taltz is proven to give you a chance at completely clear skin. with taltz, up to 90% of patients had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. in fact, 4 out of 10 even achieved completely clear skin. do not use if you are allergic to taltz. before starting you should be checked for tuberculosis. taltz may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. tell your doctor if you are being treated for an infection or have symptoms.
12:22 am
12:23 am
now's your chance at completely clear skin. customer service!d. ma'am. this isn't a computer... wait. you're real? with discover card, you can talk to a real person in the u.s., like me, anytime. wow. this is a recording. really? no, i'm kidding. 100% u.s.-based customer service. here to help, not to sell. thithe beet one.ns. the reason you stop scrolling one. the whoops, you looked at your calendar wrong one. real-life snacks. baked with real ingredients. it's good thins. good gets real.
12:25 am
hi, there, welcome back to the show. still to come, music from imagine dragons. our next guest is an emmy-winning actor whose pants have traveled all around the world. you know her from "ugly betty" which was on abc. her new show, called "superstore" airs thursday nights on nbc. please welcome america ferrera. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hue are you doing? haven't seen you in quite a while. we used to work here together, now we don't anymore. you've abandoned us in a way. >> i'm back. >> jimmy: welcome back. i heard you hurt yourself, are you all right? >> i'm okay, yeah. i rolled my ankle training for a triathlon. >> jimmy: those are dangerous, you shouldn't do those. [ laughter ] that's running, swimming and skateboarding, is that what it is? what's the third? >> biking.
12:26 am
>> jimmy: biking, right, yeah. is that fun for you? >> yeah. >> jimmy: it is? i can't imagine that being fun in any way. >> it is. it's fun. you know, it's obviously -- has its drawbacks sometimes. i was training -- this is my second triathlon. and i was doing a sprint triathlon, sort of a half one, in preparation for the full one. i was almost done. i was a mile from the end on a run. i felt like i was doing well. then this guy runs up next to me, he's like, you're doing good! and i'm like, i am doing good! i'm doing really good! and so i was like, i'm going to catch up to this guy. and i just started speeding up. and i took two steps and the universe was just like -- brought me back down to earth real quick. and i just rolled my ankle. and it was -- >> jimmy: did he help you, turn around, oh, you're not doing good. [ laughter ] >> he did not. >> jimmy: did anyone? did people stop and help in a triathlon? >> nobody stopped. >> jimmy: no one helps? >> nobody helped.
12:27 am
they were probably like, uh, stay away from her. they were probably happy i didn't take them down with me. >> jimmy: wow. >> they avoided me. then i ran the last mile and finished. because i'm competitive like that. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: are you super competitive? >> i am. i am pretty competitive. not at things like i can't win, like i'm never going to win the triathlon so i don't really get competitive. i get competitive at things i can win, like taboo with 7-year-olds. [ laughter ] i really like commit to taboo. because i can win taboo. >> jimmy: even if you're playing with children and there's no bending the rules, you are straightforward, rules, et cetera? >> i feel like if you're going to play you should play by the rules. >> jimmy: i agree with you. >> even if you're 7. >> jimmy: that's why i won't do candyland or whatever. like no, if i win? that's that. it doesn't matter if you're 2. [ laughter ]
12:28 am
>> those are my feelings exactly. >> jimmy: the show "superstore." it's set in a huge store. i was talking about costco earlier. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's set in a store, is it an actual store that you're in? >> no, we built a store on two stages. >> jimmy: that's so crazy that you can build a store to -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: when you could actually be -- i guess you can't be in the store. >> yeah, no. >> jimmy: because it's a store. >> because it's a store, it's hard. i directed the episode that's airing tomorrow night. >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: is that something that you're interested in? you're in it and directing it? >> i'm in it and i directed it. it was my first episodic -- my first episode of television i ever directed. >> jimmy: congratulations. that's fun. how does that go with your castmates? do they respect you in a way that they would a director that maybe they don't know, somebody who comes in? >> they were pretty good at like faking it, yeah. [ laughter ] i believed that they were enjoying me and having a good time. >> jimmy: nobody goes -- yeah, yeah, okay, we're just going to do it the way we do it every week. >> yeah, but you always smile
12:29 am
when the director tells you what to do, then you do what you want, right? >> jimmy: i see. [ laughter ] you don't get upset -- did you do that to yourself? >> yeah, i totally rolled my eyes at myself all the time. >> jimmy: looking at yourself in the mirror and going, yeah, right, no way that's happening. that's fun. is that something that you're wanting to do more of? directing? >> yeah, i really, really enjoyed it. >> jimmy: are you bossy in general, a bossy person? >> no, i would just say i'm a boss, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what is the difference between being bossy and being a boss? >> being a woman. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so men -- a man can be a boss, though, can't a man? isn't jay-z a boss? >> that's what i'm saying, you get called a boss and i get called bossy, that's the difference. now i'm saying, i'm the boss. >> jimmy: yeah, no, i don't necessarily -- no one really calls me a boss. [ laughter ]
12:30 am
>> you're the boss. >> jimmy: sometimes i mention that i'm the boss and then everybody kind of laughs. [ laughter ] but it never really works out that well. guillermo, do you think of me as your boss? >> guillermo: no, as a friend. >> jimmy: as a friend, see? [ applause ] >> that's good too. >> jimmy: isn't that sweet. that's the kind of relationship we have. i guess that makes me a boss in a way. >> you are a boss. >> jimmy: thank you very much. congratulations on the show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's very good to see you again. [ cheers and applause ] america ferrera, the show is called "superstore" thursday nights on nbc. be right back with imagine dragons! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
12:32 am
you may be too tired to walk back to your hotel. that's why we have public transportation. ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i want to thank bill hader, america ferrera and thanks to this guy, thanks to this guy. apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next but first, here with the song "believer" imagine dragons! [ cheers and applause ]
12:33 am
♪ ♪ first things first i'm gonna say all the words inside my head ♪ ♪ i'm fired up and tired of the way that things have been ♪ ♪ oh ooh the way that things have been oh ooh ♪ ♪ second things second don't you tell me what you think that i could be ♪ ♪ i'm the one at the sail the master of my sea oh ooh the master of my sea ♪ ♪ oh ooh i was broken from a young age taken my sulking to the masses ♪ ♪ writing my poems for the few that look to me ♪ ♪ took to me shook to me feeling me ♪ ♪ singing from heartache from the pain taking my message from
12:34 am
the veins ♪ ♪ speaking my lesson from the brain seeing the beauty through the pain ♪ ♪ you made me a you made me a believer believer ♪ ♪ pain you took me down and made me a believer believer ♪ ♪ pain let the bullets fly oh let them ♪ ♪ rain my life my love my drive it came from pain ♪ ♪ you made me a you made me a believer believer ♪ ♪ third things third send a prayer to the ones up above ♪ ♪ all the hate that you've heard has turned your spirit to a dove ♪ ♪ oh ooh your spirit up above oh ooh ♪ ♪ i was choking in the crowd building my rain up in the cloud ♪ ♪ falling like ashes to the ground hoping my feelings they would drown ♪
12:35 am
♪ but they never did ever lived ebbing and flowing ♪ ♪ inhibited limited ♪ till it broke open and rained down and rained down like ♪ ♪ pain you made me a you made me a believer believer ♪ ♪ pain you took me down and made me a believer believer ♪ ♪ pain let the bullets fly oh let them ♪ ♪ rain my life my love my drive it came from pain ♪ ♪ you made me a you made me a believer believer ♪ ♪ last things last by the grace of the fire and the flame ♪ ♪ you're the face of the future the blood in my veins ♪ ♪ oh ooh the blood in my veins oh ooh ♪ ♪ but they never did ever lived ebbing and flowing ♪ ♪ inhibited limited till it broke open ♪ and rained down and rained down like pain ♪ ♪ you made me a you made me a believer believer ♪ ♪ pain you took me down and made
12:36 am
12:37 am
this is "nightline." >> tonight, stranded. a wrong turn leaves a young woman lost in the desert. >> hopefully it doesn't take too long to be found. >> no cell service, no gas. her video diary capturing what she feared might be her final words. >> i just want to go home. >> the life or death decision that led to her rescue, and a tearful reunion. >> she goes, i thought you were hunting for me. i said, i was. in the wrong place. plus, the call of the lemur. deep in the rain forest of madagascar, we encounter the elusive lemur in its only natural habitat. >> this is amazing. >> how one crusading scientist is saving these leaping leaf eaters from the
229 Views
IN COLLECTIONS
KGO (ABC) Television Archive Television Archive News Search ServiceUploaded by TV Archive on