Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  August 31, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

11:35 pm
i'm dan ashley. >> and i'm ama daetz. thanks for j new from trump collectibles, this adorable porcelain saltshaker. from the front it's a cute little gnome. but turn him around and you've got one of donald trump's most ardent supporters. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- ray romano. from "somewhere between," paula patton. baby "bachelor in paradise." and music from bryson tiller. and now, more than likely, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show.
11:36 pm
thank you for watching. thanks for coming. i'm glad you're in a good mood. [ cheers and applause ] it was -- i am glad you're in a good mood because it's another disturbing monday in america. you know, we went into the weekend worrying about kim jong un starting a war. we came out of it wondering if our president is cutting eye holes out of his bed sheets. [ laughter ] as you know, this weekend in virginia the worst people in the united states went to the hardware store, bought tiki torches, lit them up and marched in charlottesville. a non-violent protester was killed by a white supremacist. and so the president, who is the president by the way, went on television to say this. >> we condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry, and violence on many sides. on many sides. >> jimmy: he started strong and then he had to throw in "on many sides." let's not lay all the blame on the nazis and the klan. there were people who marched against them, you know. [ laughter ] and then for two days he had no
11:37 pm
further comment. the one thing he decides to be quiet about is this. and of course everybody went nuts because there weren't many sides. protesters were shouting nazi slogans. they were carrying nazi flags. one of them killed a young woman and injured dozens of other people with his car. there were two sides. not many sides. and one of those sides had nazis on it. [ laughter ] all he had to do is condemn the nazis. [ cheers and applause ] it shouldn't have been a difficult thing. it's not exactly a controversial stance. not like we asked him to come out against puppies or something. [ laughter ] they're nazis and klan members and people who put pineapple on pizza. they're terrible people. [ laughter ] and it isn't as though he doesn't like to speak out. you know, when donald trump is upset, when there's something serious happening, he doesn't keep it bottled up. he lets us know. >> now they're making "ghostbusters" with only women. what's going on? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: good question.
11:38 pm
what is going on? so the reaction to this was enormous. it was all around the world. angela merkel, the german chancellor, called this rally evil and disgusting. and you understand what that means. that means germany is taking a stronger stance against nazis than we are. [ laughter ] and they invented -- [ cheers and applause ] so then after much prayer and reflection the president this morning decided to take the difficult step of condemning nazis and the klan, which was big for him because this is the sort of thing that could alienate his base. [ laughter ] but even he knew he had to say something. and so after a few minutes of bragging about the economy he did. >> racism is evil. and those who cause violence in its name are criminals and thugs. including the kkk, neo-nazis, white supremacists, and other hate groups that are repugnant to everything we hold dear as americans. >> jimmy: what a difference a teleprompter makes. you know? [ laughter ]
11:39 pm
it's night and day. he sounds like a kid whose parents made him apologize for parents made him apologize for egging their neighbor's house. [ laughter ] it's unbelievable. if there's any silver lining to this, and there isn't by the way, it's that whatever vacation he was hoping to have is now ruined. it has been a terrible vacation. [ applause ] whatever tough talk the president spared the white power people this weekend he saved for north korea and kim jong un. here's the president drawing a line in the sand trap from his golf club in new jersey. >> this man will not get away with what he's doing. believe me. and if he utters one threat in the form of an overt threat, which by the way he has been uttering for years, and his family has been uttering for years, or if he does anything with respect to guam or any place else that's an american territory or an american ally, he will truly regret it. and he will regret it fast.
11:40 pm
thank you all very much. thank you. >> jimmy: you're welcome. [ laughter ] i don't know why he cares so much about these threats that this guy's been making for years and years and years. but rest assured, whatever happens, something will happen. unless it doesn't happen. [ laughter ] >> we will see what happens. we think that lots of good things could happen. and we could also have a bad solution. but we think lots of good things can happen. >> what would be a bad solution? >> i think you know the answer to that. >> when you say bad solutions, are you talking about war? is the u.s. going to go to war? >> i think you know the answer to that. >> jimmy: all right. good press conference. this back and forth between us and north korea, it's become frightening. donald trump and kim jong un do not like each other at all, which is a shame because they actually have a lot in common. and not just the terrible haircuts. [ laughter ] these are guys, they both have private jets. [ applause ] they both love silly hats. they have a mutual taste for
11:41 pm
fine cuisine. they both like to pretend to operate heavy machinery. [ laughter ] and they're both friends with this guy. [ cheers and applause ] i mean, this is -- any other scenario these guys would be vacationing together. meanwhile, the vice president, mike pence, is on the first day of a six-day trip to south and central america. he is literally distancing himself from the president right now. pence is in buenos aires to beef up his foreign credentials for when he becomes president in a few months. [ laughter ] mike pence, he asked for 700 visas for his advance team for the trip, and that's not even counting the politicians and diplomats traveling with him. 700 people. is this a business trip or mike pence's summer beach blast? [ laughter ] so before he left for colombia the vice president was in indiana at the indiana state house for the unveiling of his official portrait. he was governor of indiana and as is the custom they commissioned a painter to capture his likeness, which will hang for all time. >> one, two, three.
11:42 pm
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my -- wow. [ cheers and applause ] that's -- i like that. the artist did a great job. mike's not too bad in the body department either. there are rumors that mike pence may be positioning himself to be president if for some or many reasons trump does not run in 2020. but donald trump is not showing any signs of that yet. the election's still more than three years away. his campaign for re-election started yesterday with this commercial, a real commercial that aims to highlight his many achievements thus far. >> democrats obstructing. the media attacking our president. career politicians standing in the way of success. but president trump's plan is working. 1 million jobs created. more americans working than ever before. unemployment lowest since 2001. the stock market, all-time record highs. the strongest military in decades. the president's enemies don't want him to succeed.
11:43 pm
but americans are saying let president trump do his job. >> i'm donald trump, and i approve of white supremacists. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's an unfortunate freeze right there. all right. we're going to take a break. when we come back, a new season of "bachelor in paradise" is here and so is our own reality dating show, "baby bachelor in paradise." episode 2 is next. so stick around. we'll be right back. >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by blue buffalo. ♪
11:44 pm
oh, it's actually... sfx: (short balloon squeal) it's ver... sfx: (balloon squeals) ok can we... sfx: (balloon squeals) goodbye! oof, that milk in your coffee was messing with you, wasn't it? try lactaid, it's real milk, without that annoying lactose. good right? yeah. lactaid. the milk that doesn't mess with you. no splashing! wait so you got rid of verizon, just like that? uh-huh. i switched to t-mobile, kept my phone-everything on it- -oh, they even paid it off! wow! yeah. it's nice that every bad decision doesn't have to be permenant! ditch verizon. keep your phone.
11:45 pm
we'll even pay it off when you switch to america's best unlimited network. are you ok? what happened? dad kinda walked into my swing. huh? don't you mean dad kind of ruined our hawaii fund? i thud go to the thothpital. there goes the airfair. i don't think health insurance will cover all... of that. buth my fathe! without that cash from - aflac! - we might have to choose between hawaii or your face. hawaii! what? haha...hawaii! you might have less coverage than you think. visit aflac.com and keep your lifestyle healthy. aflac! when we say "study"! you say "haul"! study! haul! everything you need to ready, set, go! back to school.
11:46 pm
vo: jack's got your back.hits, jack: somebody craving my smoky jack burger? vo: the smoky jack burger combo for $4.99. vo: hickory-smoked bacon, smoked cheddar cheese, vo: all on an artisan poppyseed bun. vo: plus fries and a refreshing drink. vo: all for just $4.99.
11:47 pm
man: thanks, jack! jack: you're welcome. vo: the new smoky jack burger combo for just $4.99. vo: only at jack in the box. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello and welcome back to the show. ray romano, paula patton and music from bryson tiller it's all coming. but first tonight we saw the premiere of a much anticipated
11:48 pm
new season of "bachelor in paradise." this is the show that finally answers the question what's it like to get herpes in mexico? [ laughter ] and i'll say this. after the weekend we had it was kind of nice to watch two hours of dumb people getting drunk on the beach. you know, they almost had to cancel the show this season because of a supposed incident involving two of the contestants. but i guess it all worked out. because if it hadn't worked out chris harrison definitely wouldn't have been wearing shoes when he explained it. >> this was the season of paradise when it looked like it might not happen. after two days of shooting we decided to suspend production. yes, there was trouble in paradise. as accusations and allegations ran wild. rest assured that our intention as always was to make a show about summer fun. >> jimmy: oh, really? [ laughter ] that truly was the most dramatic introduction in "bachelor in paradise" history. so one of the guys on the show this year is ben. ben zorn. he was on caitlyn's season of "the bachelorette." but ben seems less interested in
11:49 pm
finding love than he does in talking about his furry best friend. >> i've got a puppy. i got him at ten weeks old. his name's zeus. i'm such a dog person. i love the black and brown. i love the black and brown combo. >> i think you've got the right game plan, bro. >> i've got a dog back home. i'm taking a chance and see what happens in paradise. >> i mean, i put a lot aside to be here. i miss my dog a lot. i'm not here to waste my time. i have back dog at home that i miss very much. >> jimmy: he really loves that dog. [ laughter ] that dog's probably like you know what, take your time on the island. make some human friends. i'm fine. [ laughter ] as you may know, i'm the proud producer slash host of a new "bachelor" spinoff show. it's starring kids. and tonight i'm pleased as fruit punch to bring you episode 2 of "baby bachelor in paradise." >> first there was the baby bachelor. >> i'm wesley, the baby bachelor. >> then the baby bachelorette. >> i think my husband is in that limo.
11:50 pm
>> jimmy: and now we bring you -- >> welcome to paradise. >> jimmy: "baby bachelor in paradise." ♪ >> let me know if you guys need anything else. >> bob. he missed a spot. he missed a spot. camera 7. >> she was pretty rude to the bartender. >> hi, brandon. >> i do have a secret. >> there's something i can probably tell you. >> don't worry about it. ss tell what it is. >> jimmy: the secret is two feet tall with pigtails on her head and murder in her heart. [ laughter ] >> oh, no. charlie. >> surprise surprise.
11:51 pm
>> he's my husband. >> he has a wife? >> we're separated. >> come home with me. >> no. >> get out of here. he doesn't want you. get out of here. >> i wish her the best but she needs to move on. >> nice job, little baby. three days. >> maisie, are you crazy? >> i'm really crazy. >> jimmy: oh, you're really crazy? and you're looking for a man who understands that. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and who can deal with that. >> i don't know. >> jimmy: you seem confused. are you at a crossroads right now, maisie? >> yeah. >> jimmy: do you think you and brendan have what it takes to go all the way? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you do. and where are you going to go? >> i want to go to disneyland. >> jimmy: you want to go to disneyland.
11:52 pm
that is the happiest place on earth. i hope that is a magic kingdom for the two of you. >> yeah. >> jimmy: after brendan's baby mama drama alex and cosette share a romantic moment. >> get it for me. >> alex is tough but he's really nice. >> thank you for the coin. >> you're welcome. >> you act tough but you are a good man. >> i'm not the bad guy that everybody thinks i am. >> she kissed me. [ laughter ] that's a big deal. >> i'm going to get you. >> donovan stole her from me. that guy made a big mistake.
11:53 pm
>> what's your favorite animal? >> unicorn. >> the motorcycle's following us. you can't follow us. >> he almost killed us. it was great. [ laughter ] >> you're the best. >> jimmy: on the next "baby bachelor in paradise," sparks fly between aidan and kennedy. but ethan refuses to play nice. charlie hits rock bottom. and the return of -- >> did you guys miss me? no? >> jimmy: bad chad. >> where's all the adults? >> jimmy: next time on "baby
11:54 pm
bachelor in paradise." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good question, chad. we have a great show tonight. we have music from bryson tiller. paula patton is here. and we'll be right back with ray romano. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by gulden's mustard. add zest to every bite with gulden's. and live tv. the channels you love. your favorite shows and movies. making your iphone into more of a... oh my tv is ringing. hey...i'm in the middle of a...a second iphone from at&t? okay! right now when you buy a new iphone 7 from at&t you'll get a second iphone 7 on us. and power both with unlimited data and live tv. rok!y? we got pencils, yes we do!
11:55 pm
wide-ruled notebooks, scissors, glue! we've got ice cream... ...sprinkles, too! everything you need to ready, set, go! back to school. are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool? try zyrtec® it's starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. stick with zyrtec® and muddle no more®. ever wonder what's in a beer? if it's a bud light, it's four essential ingredients: barley, rice, water and hops. here's to the beer you can always count on. brewed to be america's favorite light lager. here's to the beer you can always count on. grooves in your sandwich? do you always put cheez-it of course! they're chips. chips...plus sandwich: equals the perfect lunch. ooooh...don't forget the pickle. it's kind of a big dill. cheez-it grooves. chips made with 100% real cheese. dang right it's a chip! what do we want? catpacks!
11:56 pm
when do we want 'em? meow! everything you need to ready, set, go! back to school. i do have one question, though. >> jimmy: what is the question? [ cheers and applause ] >> so will you marry me? >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ]
11:57 pm
tim & charlie, 4th graders. these 3rd graders have got it made. look. in our day we actually had to walk and take steps. we lifted our legs. it made us who we are. and now they've got those new easy open gogurt tubes too? i wonder if that 3rd grader knows how good he's got it.
11:58 pm
i'm still wondering if he knows how to walk. new ez open gogurt. kids never had it so easy. grocery of "wow" savings.e "wow" means you save 50% or more. there are three stages of "wow". - denial. - is this price right? acceptance. and boooyah! wait for it. boooyah has three "o's".
11:59 pm
♪ grocery outlet bargain market ♪ announcer: this week all assorted pepsi brand 12 packs are just $2.66 each. ♪ >> jimmy: hi and welcome back. love is in the air here tonight. tonight, from the show "somewhere between," which airs tuesday nights here on abc, paula patton is here.
12:00 am
then this is his album. it's called "true to self." bryson tiller from the mercedes-benz outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night on the show this will be good. floyd mayweather jr. will be here tomorrow. chrissy metz will be here and comedian charles gould. and later this week, zach galifianakis, salma hayek, lake bell, jay ellis, with music from midland and bearstronaut. so please join us for all of that. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight has an emmy and a peabody on his shelf and four people's choice awards he threw in the garbage all at home. his new show is called "get shorty." it airs sundays at 10:00 on epix. please welcome ray romano. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> easy! easy! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you?
12:01 am
>> that is -- >> jimmy: everybody's excited because a couple just got engaged here in the audience. >> i saw that. where are they? how's it going so far? [ laughter ] because it's different after you're engaged, right? because now they've locked the door. i don't know. congratulations. >> jimmy: it seems like maybe he locked the door to a cage that she needs to now get out of based on the reaction that we got earlier. >> well, it's fun. we're both -- this is you in how many years are you married? >> 3 1/2. >> jimmy: this is you in 3 1/2. and this is you in 30 years. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: it's pretty much the same, though. how are you doing? you go on trips and stuff and have fun. >> we just got back. >> jimmy: where did you go? >> we went to the exotic jersey shore. we go to the jersey shore. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you go every year? >> i did it when i lived in
12:02 am
queens. i grew up in queens, new york. then when we moved to l.a. for the tv show as a tradition i said we still want to do this because it's this great -- it's called long beach island. it's this great island right off the garden state parkway. [ cheers ] family oriented. ice cream, mini golf. so we still do it. and then all my relatives that still live in new york come and visit us for three weeks. >> jimmy: that's nice. your whole family goes, kids and everything? >> yeah. the kids are bigger now. so they don't stay -- we go for three weeks. you know, my wife is not as pumped as i am about it. >> jimmy: oh, really? why? >> because she wants to fly to new york and then continue to europe. >> jimmy: i see. [ laughter ] you just stop right there. >> i want to stop there. >> jimmy: what do you do while you're there? nothing? >> nothing? >> jimmy: i don't know. >> if you call getting custard every night nothing. [ laughter ] and mini golf. everywhere you look there's -- there's like about 20 -- there's a 16-mile-long island. i'd say there's about 30 mini golf courses. >> jimmy: for real?
12:03 am
>> yes. every couple blocks. and we only go to one, though. >> jimmy: you do this? because you're a serious golfer. >> and i'm a serious mini golfer. [ laughter ] yes. no, there's a great one. there's one that we're loyal to and we only go to that one. flamingo golf. it's called flamingo golf. the front nine's easy but the back nine -- [ laughter ] we go. we go every night. we love it. >> jimmy: i know you take golf very seriously when you play. do you take mini golf seriously as well? >> i do. unfortunately i do. there's a tournament every week. >> jimmy: oh, there is? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you're in. >> it's thursdays at 9:00. [ laughter ] every thursday at 9:00 there's a tournament. there's age groups. i've won it. and then they take your picture and your picture's up there for the week holding like a little plastic trophy. yeah. >> jimmy: do you bring your own putter or are you using the one they -- >> i use the one they have. >> jimmy: you do. okay. >> but i do bring a caddie. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: are you the only one in the tournament or does your family play in the tournament? >> no, they're all there.
12:04 am
but not my wife. my wife, she's -- no. she's looking up europe trips. yes. [ laughter ] and the people there are very nice. i got comped -- we went to the pizza place. they comped our dinner, and it actually cost me more. i'll tell you what happened. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why? >> because for the first time my brother, before we -- before the bill came, said i got it. my brother said i got it. he's a new york city cop and this and that. so i don't make him pay. but he wanted to be big guy. so he said i got it. i went all right. and they have a tip jar. it's a little pizza place on the island. i go you know, what i'll take care of the tip. so i've got to big-time it. so i'm taking a 20 out for the guys. you know. and then the owner looks at us and says "it's on me." he's comping the whole dinner. so now my brother's off the hook but i've got to up the tip now. i've got to $100 it now into the tip jar. so we got comped and i got screwed somehow. [ laughter ]
12:05 am
>> jimmy: you are very close with your family. you and your whole family came to my house for dinner a couple of months ago. that was nice. i enjoyed being with you guys. >> a lovely dinner. there was a couple other people there. couple of couples and families. >> jimmy: yes. >> and i brought something from that dinner. and if you don't mind, i'm just going to tell the people. you have a lovely house. >> jimmy: thank you. >> you have a photo booth in your house. you have one of the photo booths that you can go in the couples -- so the couples were going in and -- >> jimmy: my home is like a chuck e. cheese in a lot of ways. [ laughter ] >> yes. we went in, and my wife and i went in and we got our strip, you know, with the four shots. i've done it many times. you would think i would know how to use a photo booth. >> jimmy: sure. yeah. >> i'm not saying you need to put instructions in your photo booth. where do i show this? >> jimmy: i'll hold it up if you want. >> this is the four strips that we have. and i love it. [ laughter ] there you go. [ applause ]
12:06 am
it actually looks like i'm in pain. >> jimmy: for sure. >> and this is kind of artistic. just the elbow. >> jimmy: it's artistic and it also looks like you gave up. you're like, eh, let's go. >> i'm going to treasure that. >> jimmy: hey, you have a big birthday coming up in december. i hope you don't mind me mentioning it. 60 years old. [ cheers and applause ] how do you feel about it? >> well, then i hope you don't mind me mentioning you have a big one. >> jimmy: that's right. >> you've got a 5-0. >> jimmy: in november i'll be turning 50. that's right. [ cheers and applause ] >> and how are you -- 50 is kind of -- look, it's going to be rough. 60, i know, i've got to get used to it. but 50 is where you enter like colonoscopyville, right? [ laughter ] i don't know if you've -- >> jimmy: i have not. >> we don't need to know. >> jimmy: do i really need to do
12:07 am
that right away? like right away? >> not right away. but we could go together if you want. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i would love to. >> i took -- you know, this is a story. a real quick story. my wife. she's going to kill me for this. but i drove her to her routine colonoscopy. this is a couple months ago. you should pay attention. this guy should -- [ laughter ] no. i dropped her off. it was here in beverly hills. again, everything was fine. it was routine. and he said come back in two hours. i had to come back in two hours, to pick her up. so i'm driving around and i saw a little candle shop. flower shop kind of thing. and i thought you know what, i'm going to pick up a little gift for when i -- i'm going to score points. it's all about scoring points, buddy. i'm going to have a little picking you up from your colonoscopy gift when i pick her up. [ laughter ] so i go in the store and nobody's there. there's a lovely young woman behind the counter. she goes can i help you? i say yeah, i want to get a little gift for my wife. and she goes oh, that's sweet. what's the occasion?
12:08 am
[ laughter ] so i immediately -- i don't like to lie to people but i know i'm going to -- and i -- real quick i said i'm picking her up from the airport. i was proud of myself. right? i thought that'll hold her over. and then she -- no. she's oh, where's she coming in from? [ laughter ] yes. and again, snap quick, not as good this time. germany. i don't know why. [ laughter ] germany. yeah. and then she continued -- like this should be the end of it. she goes, oh, i have relatives in germany. what part? and i'm just like, i can't -- i'm done. i can't do this. and i told her, listen, i'm not picking her up from the airport. i'm taking the candle to the cemetery. [ laughter ] i didn't want to tell her. i would rather tell her my wife passed away than tell her i'm bringing a candle -- >> jimmy: ray romano is here.
12:09 am
his show is called "get shorty." we'll be right back after this.
12:10 am
when i walked through for a cigarette, that's when i knew i had to quit. for real this time. that's why i'm using nicorette. only nicorette gum has patented dual-coated technology for great taste, plus intense craving relief. every great why needs a great how. ♪
12:11 am
welcome to maxx you. hd-5. and are pulled together. you follow your own lead and show your strength. always comfortable in your own skin. we see what makes you unique. so we have something for everyone, at a price that's just right for you. maxx you. maxx life. t.j.maxx modern life deserves a mit's sold out.ay. don't fret, my friend. i masterpassed it! you can use it online and on your phone i masterpassed it. you got the tickets? onward! playing the hero: priceless
12:12 am
masterpass. the secure way to pay from your bank don't just buy it. masterpass it. this dive into the classicbster. crab lover's dream or new dueling crab legs with dungeness and snow crab. only during crabfest. now this is seafood. and hurry in to enjoy our new crab melt, part of our seafood lover's lunch weekdays just $9.99 grooves in your sandwich? do you always put cheez-it of course! they're chips. chips...plus sandwich: equals the perfect lunch. ooooh...don't forget the pickle.
12:13 am
it's kind of a big dill. cheez-it grooves. chips made with 100% real cheese. dang right it's a chip!
12:14 am
did i mention that my paycheck bounced? you can't afford to quit. >> i realize that. >> i'm going to get miles daley on the phone. >> no.
12:15 am
>> tell him that you didn't mean it. >> i did mean it. at the time. this morning a little less so. but you have to let them know who's the boss here. you want a good deal on a car? you walk out of the dealership. >> if they go with another producer -- >> they don't know anybody. producers in harump, nevada are cooking meth. >> jimmy: that's ray romano in "get shorty." [ cheers and applause ] which i liked a lot. i thought the show's really good. i noted that your hair in that scene looks -- that's exactly what my hair looks like on the weekends. exactly. >> i based that hair on brian grazer. you know brian grazer? >> jimmy: yeah. the producer. >> i play a washed-up producer. now, brian grazer is an a-list producer. i just want to say that. i'm just basing the hair on him. but it's a great cool thing. it's loosely based on the movie "get shorty." >> jimmy: there's the book "get shorty." and there's the movie with john travolta. and it's not exactly the same.
12:16 am
>> no, this is different characters and it's a little dirtier and more -- it gets pretty gritty. >> jimmy: isn't it funny now tv shows are dirtier than the movies were. >> yeah. that's what works now. dirt and grit. [ laughter ] yeah. but they really capture the tone good. >> jimmy: does anyone in your family work on the show? on "get shorty." >> no, they don't. but someone in my family -- >> jimmy: works here. right. >> works here. i don't know if you know this but you've been kind enough to employ my son, one of my sons, one of my twin boys, matt has worked here three i think years. right? >> jimmy: three years. he's a great kid. we love matt, actually. [ applause ] >> and the last two times i came he's come out and took a bow. i don't want to break with tradition. >> jimmy: okay. why not? is he back there? there he is. he knows what's going on. [ cheers and applause ] >> hello. >> jimmy: what's happening, matt? >> i guess that answers the question is there a dress code when you work for jimmy kimmel. [ laughter ]
12:17 am
>> jimmy: actually, he is one of the better-dressed people here at the show. >> thank you. >> matt, say thank you. >> thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: that's not necessary. but you're welcome. >> thanks. >> go to work. go to work. [ applause ] >> jimmy: he's a very good kid. you and your wife must be very proud because he's always in a good mood. he's a worker. >> he's a good kid. you know, he's getting a little up -- he's 24. so i like that what you're doing here with him. and he needs to -- my wife wants grandchildren. so he needs to pick up the pace there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: does matt have a girlfriend? >> it's funny because we don't know whether he broke up. he had one, and they won't tell us -- they don't talk. they're not like girls. my daughter says everything that happens to her every day. [ laughter ] we have no idea what -- this will be good. hold on. matt. matt. [ laughter ] come here. come over here. [ applause ] stay right there. jimmy's got a question. go ahead.
12:18 am
>> jimmy: i just wanted to know if you have a girlfriend. >> no. not right now. no girlfriend. >> ah. all right. this is a great way to get info. >> jimmy: this is a way to communicate with your family. >> go get one. get a girlfriend. >> i'm doing my best. >> why don't you have one? you're a good-looking -- he's a good-looking boy. isn't he a good-looking boy? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's cute. he's especially cute when he's embarrassed. you know? >> yeah. >> jimmy: why don't you have one? >> i don't know. >> all right. how about this? how about we get him one? >> no. >> yeah. where's the camera? [ applause ] >> look in the camera. >> i don't want to do that. >> say hi. to the -- right there. show them the smile. smile. >> no. come on. >> jimmy: make your pitch. >> make your pitch. do something. say -- show them your teeth. i paid money for braces. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: go ahead, matt. >> i'll do it for you. listen, ladies. [ laughter ]
12:19 am
he's a good kid. good listener. he keeps his room clean. he's had all his shots. [ laughter ] >> i'm on tinder. this is unnecessary. >> tinder is [ bleep ]. you have to do this. [ laughter ] sorry. you have a car. you've still got a car. he's -- what else can we say? jimmy kimmel is his uncle. [ laughter ] so you can get tickets whenever you want. >> jimmy: yeah. sure. whatever you need. >> yes. you know -- he knows spanish. >> no. i don't. i don't know spanish. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i didn't know that. >> but you understand it. guillermo, say something to him. say something. >> guillermo: [ speaking spanish ]. >> he understood that. he understood that. [ laughter ] [ applause ] so call. wait a minute. he has a twin. he has an identical twin. so you know, god forbid anything should happen to him. [ laughter ] it's like he has an understudy. >> we're good. you don't need -- >> are you kidding?
12:20 am
this is -- you know what we do? put your phone number up on the screen. >> no. [ laughter ] >> 818 -- [ cheers and applause ] >> get out of here. >> jimmy: i think that's going to be great for him. >> we want to have grandchildren. >> jimmy: it's great to have parents in show business, isn't it? >> his mother needs grandchildren. i'm running out of stuff to say to her. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ray romano, everybody. he could be your father-in-law. the show is called "get shorty." sundays at 10:00 on netflix. we'll be right back with paula patton.
12:21 am
what's going on here? um...i'm babysitting. that'll be $50 bucks. you said 30 dollars. yeah, well it was $30 before my fees, like the dog-sitting fee... and the rummage through your closet fee. who is she, verizon? are those my heels? yeah! yeah, we're the same size...in shoes. with t-mobile taxes and fees are already included, so you get four lines of unlimited for just $40 bucks each. and now get zero down on the hottest smart phone brands like samsung galaxy. more reasons why t-mobile is america's best unlimited network. be impressive! b-e impressive! be impressive! b-e impressive! b-e i-m-p-r-e-s-s-i-v-e
12:22 am
everything you need to ready, set, go! back to school. a lot of, different, a lotingredients.nts. our beer is brewed with four essential ingredients: barley, rice, water, and hops. here's to the beer you can always count on. brewed to be america's favorite light lager. ♪ this'll be the real deal ♪ oh yeah ♪ this'll be the real deal ♪ oh yeah ♪ oh yeah labor day weekend sale... boy's active tees are only $8 take 20 to 40% off sneakers for the family and kitchen electrics are just $19.99! plus take an extra $10 off
12:23 am
when you spend $25 or more! and everyone gets kohl's cash too! kohl's. i'm leaving you, wesley. but why? you haven't noticed me in two years. i was in a coma. well, i still deserve appreciation. who was there for you when you had amnesia? you know i can't remember that. stop this madness. if it's appreciation you want you should both get snapshot from progressive. it rewards good drivers with big discounts on car insurance. i have news. i've used most of our cellular data. come on, susan lucci! ♪ except for every ladies' night. vegetarian... only glad has forceflex to prevent rips, leaks, and punctures. so whatever you throw in the bag... stays in the bag. be happy, it's glad.
12:24 am
when you don't get enough sleep, and your body aches, you're not yourself. tylenol® pm relieves pain and helps you fall fast asleep and stay asleep. we give you a better night, you're a better you all day. and for your daytime pain relief, try tylenol® extra strength. mawhen it comes to helping. her daughter, shopping for groceries, unclogging the sink, setting up dentist appointments and planning birthday parties, nobody does it better. she's also in a rock band. look at her shred. but when it comes to mortgages, she's less confident. fortunately for maria, there's rocket mortgage by quicken loans. it's simple, so she can understand the details and be sure she's getting the right mortgage. apply simply. understand fully. mortgage confidently.
12:25 am
♪ ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. still to come, music from bryson tiller. over the course of her acting career our next guest has shared the screen with will smith, denzel washington, tom cruise, and now me and guillermo.
12:26 am
she is the star of "somewhere between," which airs tuesday nights here on abc. please welcome paula patton. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ where are you from? >> los angeles. >> jimmy: okay. all right. i thought maybe the two kisses was a european thing. >> you know, i've learned this thing, heart to heart. if you do it it feels different. >> jimmy: if you hug heart to heart? >> yeah. usually we try to avoid each other. >> jimmy: i have to first think of the pledge of allegiance before i were to hug anyone heart to heart. because i never know which side my heart is. so then i go like this and then i would have to figure out the reverse image of where your heart is. which would be here, right? >> it is here, yes. >> jimmy: isn't the hug like a sideways kind of hug? [ laughter ] >> i have to catch my bearings because -- wait, this isn't what
12:27 am
i thought it would be. >> jimmy: you grew up in l.a. were your parents in the entertainment business? >> no. my mom's a teacher, my dad's a lawyer. but yeah, i did grow up here. >> jimmy: what neighborhood did you grow up in? >> i grew up in cheviot hills over by 20th century fox. >> jimmy: but did you have celebrity friends as a kid or was did like one of those things -- >> not that many. but l.a. is kind of a coal mining town. everybody here -- >> jimmy: industry. >> -- is somehow connected to hollywood. gary coleman lived across the street from me. >> jimmy: that's a good one. >> it was. it was a very good one. >> jimmy: when he was a kid -- well, he was always a kid in a way. [ laughter ] when he was a child? >> yes. no, in the height of his fame. absolutely. >> jimmy: when he was on "different strokes" he was living across the street. >> he was. >> jimmy: did you interact with him? >> absolutely. my brother was more friends with him than i was but we were friends with him and his family. >> jimmy: that's the best thing i ever heard. so would you go to his home and he would come to your home? >> you know, that was like the time that everybody was into trains.
12:28 am
he had a really cool train set. like "silver spoons" kind of. >> jimmy: "people" magazine. >> we definitely did that. >> jimmy: you went and looked at his trains? >> yeah. we got to touch the trains. >> jimmy: you got to touch the trains. >> yes. >> jimmy: that's unbelievable. did you ever bring him like to school for show and tell or anything like that? >> no. but i think it was my third grade birthday and he came over and it was quite the hit. everybody was like how did you get gary coleman to come? this, that. but he came. >> jimmy: way better than a juggler for sure. >> without question. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's very exciting. did you see your former co-star from "mission impossible" tom cruise get hurt -- >> i heard about this. >> jimmy: let's look at this real quick because i want you to see because i need to ask you something about this. so this is -- he was shooting this movie and you can see he -- i told him like a million times not to do his own stunts and yet he continues to do that. >> wow. >> jimmy: so when you did your movie with him did you feel pressure to do your own stunts yourself because he was doing his own stunts?
12:29 am
>> you know, i don't know if it was pressure but i think it was a -- it was like the competitive spirit. you wanted to do it too. >> jimmy: you have to in a way. >> yeah. you're inspired by him. you don't have to, no. but certainly i wanted to. >> jimmy: and did he have you doing anything ridiculous like that? >> nothing ridiculous. i mean, it's always in hindsight you realize what you're doing. when he was hanging off the burj khalifa which at the time was the highest building. the tallest building. they were still building it. so we were doing this scene where he was just hanging out like -- i don't know, whatever harness they have for you. outside of this building. and then we were meant to -- it was myself, simon pegg and jeremy renner were talking to him through the window. and then each take they needed us to edge further outside the window, which is like really high up. and for me it was funny because i had this tight dress on. so i couldn't wear a harness. everybody else had a harness. i just had a guy holding my ankles. >> jimmy: for real? [ laughter ] >> yeah. which is usually a good time. [ laughter ]
12:30 am
>> jimmy: not in this case. wow. tell us about your show. it's called "somewhere between." why is it called "somewhere between"? >> oh, gosh. there are so many reasons. you know when you start work on a show, it's all about those shades of gray, all those moments in between in life where life gets complicated. so that's like the subtext. they're like you know when you're sitting at home and wanting to talk about things version. but it's a story about a woman who gets a second chance at changing her fate. and something -- you know when you think to yourself if this happened, the most crazy thing happened, the worst thing happened, what would you do? it sort of entertains that question. and then from there it's a wild ride. >> jimmy: i see. that's the somewhere between part of it. >> somewhere between. you learn about all of those somewhere between bits about you. because this woman who you meet at the beginning is not the one you see at the end. >> jimmy: are you doing your own stunts on this? i hope not. >> you know, they don't want you to do much like glass stuff. and i'm prone to cutting. >> jimmy: well, learn from tom cruise.
12:31 am
he was nearly -- we nearly lost a national treasure right there. >> this is true. >> jimmy: it's very good to see you. congratulations on the show. paula patton, "somewhere between," tuesday nights on abc. we'll be right back with bryson tiller. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert experience is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
12:32 am
if you like cinnamon toast crunch then you'll love strawberry... french toast... and new apple cinnamon toast crunch. from our crazy delicious family to yours. crave those crazy squares
12:33 am
>> jimmy: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to ray romano, paula patton, apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next. but first, his album is called "true to self." you can see him on tour through september. here with the song "run me dry," bryson tiller! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ hey ♪ check ♪ check ♪ i think she love me 'cause i got the check on me wan' spend the day and flex on me ♪
12:34 am
♪ put a curse and hex on me scratch out my name put the x on me you should come check on me ♪ ♪ talk dirty and caress on me it might as well get undressed for me ♪ ♪ love how you get that for me put a lot of stress on me you used to obsess for me ♪ ♪ call the station and request for me you done went and got a big head on me ♪ ♪ you're running me dry oh girl you're running me dry cried my last tear drop ♪ ♪ saw bad when i told her bring it here drop down pick it up ♪ ♪ up up swing it around i'ma go ♪ ♪ go go hands up ♪ hands up ♪ oh you're the reason i even saw bad when i told her bring it here drop down ♪ ♪ pick it up up up swing it
12:35 am
around ♪ ♪ i'ma go go go drop that ♪ down i'ma pick it up up up swing it around ♪ ♪ i'ma go go go ayy ♪ ayy ayy ayy used to break my ♪ neck for you spend my paycheck on you put my account in the red for you ♪ ♪ damn near put myself in debt for you you made me obsessed for you thought i had the ♪ ♪ same effect on you couldn't see i was the best for you now you gotta figure ♪ ♪ out what's next for you now you feel regret oh do you baby ♪ ♪ i could care less for you trust i'm not even sweating you you ran me dry ♪ ♪ better yet it's still you out of respect for you i curbed -- on the internet for you ♪ ♪ i lost all respect for you baby it's my turn to flex on you ♪ ♪ you're running me dry oh girl you're running me dry cried my last tear drop ♪ ♪ saw bad when i told 'em bring it here drop down pick it up ♪ ♪ up up swing it around i'ma go ♪ ♪ go go drop that down
12:36 am
♪ i'ma pick it up up up swing it around ♪ ♪ i'ma go l.a. ♪ here we go ♪ drop down pick it up up up ♪ swing it around i'ma go go ♪ drop that down i'ma pick it up up up ♪ ♪ swing it around i'ma go go go ♪ ♪ make some noise [ cheers and applause ]
12:37 am
this is "nightline." >> tonight, lives on the line. harvey extends its devastating reach to eastern texas. we're with a navy search and rescue team rushing to evacuate a shelter. >> just take your medicine. we're okay. we're okay. >> just before a flood overtakes the city of beaumont. first responders breaking through rooftops. a mother relives her worst moment. >> he just started crying, and he was saying, "mom, i'm going to drown." >> over 100,000 homes destroyed. so many displaced. plus, a dream deferred? the so-called dreamers, undocumented immigrants brought to america as children, protected from deportation under president obama's daca policy. but is the trump administration

107 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on