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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  January 16, 2018 11:35pm-12:37am PST

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>> have a good night. we'll see you tomorrow. >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- kristen bell. from "maze runner the death cure," will poulter. and music from lo moon -- and now look out here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> welcome. it's been great to have you here. very nice. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for joining us.
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on what was maybe i'm watching too much cable news. was another fascinating day at the white house. the white house began enforcing ban on smart phones and other personal communications did devices for staffers and guests. from now on you have to check your phone at the white house ex even you're working all day. guess they are worried people might use their phones to find out which painting they resemble. they are doing this to cut down on the information leaking to the press. you know the stories they say are fake, they don't want those leaking out because they're not. the cellphone ban is in effect. will remain indefinitely. which is tough earlier the white house was gathers around a roeltry rotary phone. very sad. the only white house staffer who didn't surrender his phone,
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donald j.trump the one person who really should have the phone taken away from him [ cheers and applause ] it was a bigs day for president trump. an exciting day. the live results show for his annual checkup. this is very unusual. trump's doctor spoke to members of the press for about an hour today sharing the results of his first physical since taking office. the doctor said the is examination went exceptionally well. means he stopped eating chicken long enough to get a reading. and despite the fact that he is border line obese trump is in excellent health. how could he be in excellent heal health? when he sneezes gravy comes out. look at him. donald trump clocked in at 6'3",
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239 pounds even though his driver's license in new york says 6'2" guess he is getting taller as he ages. this is the official assessment of the president's health live from the white house this afternoon. >> hello everyone. i've had some time to look over the ruts of president trump's physical and have some news that may explain his behavior as of late. i can now confirm that president trump's hair has taken over his brain. [ laughter ] our tests have discovered the chemical used in his preferred shade of just for men which is burnt marsh malo has combined with hairo cite which established deep roots in the parts of the brain that grow
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anger and attention span and urge to say unrehencible racist things does. >> does the hair appear to be sent ient yes. >> what does the hair zblawant? >> we don't know -- ah! [ cheers and applause ] >> so you see, didn't have a great ending. best press conference since sean spicer left. senator from utah gave himself a cognitive ability test watch as he attempts to remove glasses that are not on his face. >> thank you mr. chairman. i'd like to begin with -- [ laughter ]
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[ cheers and applause ] >> my god they finally developed a working pair of invisible spectacles. let's look one more time. >> i'd like to begin -- let me just -- >> yeah, still not there. [ laughter ] . white house is really working overtime trying to put this racist it auckland to rest. racist talk to rest. somehow sarah huckabee sanders escaped the building was out in the wild where reporters caught up to her. anyway. >> i think that's an outrageous claim. frankly the critics of the president said he is who they say why did nbc give him a show n. >> i don't me bill cosby had a show there too. don't think there's a background check. trump made another attempt to
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bolster his not racist credentials trump approval ratings have doubled with black americans, thank you and of course he had it wrong saw a misleading report on fox and friends and went with it. a new cnn poll has trump's approval rating among african-american at 3%. and d dandruff is more popular than donald trump. and remember weeks ago he tweeted that he had a button bigger than kim jong-un. well the trump media calling psycho path and lunatic when did
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it turn turn into yo momma. doesn't it seem we could switch leaders with korea and there's be no discernible difference whatsoever. by the way. in is something i'd like the president to work on. for those who work at cvs, from now on they will let you know ads from beauty products they advertise were digital altered so women as they look at photographs will know what's real and not feel they have to live up to an unrealistic standard but don't worry wall greens will still lie to your face. i believe this is a smoke screen for something we should really be upset about. more than a year ago the president of cvs came to the show and prom ilsised shorter receipts. the receipts at c vrks s
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the receipts at cvs are like the equator, so they promised to change it, and it did for a while. one of our writer went to cvs for shampoo and this is the receipt. that's her shoe, this is for two items! i thought we fixed this. don't make me boycott cvs i'm putting you back on notice don't make us siecgn up for stupid rewards card, we don't want that. [ cheers and applause ] i will say this too -- has anyone ever used one of the coupons they print out. no you just bought deodorant and they give you a coupon for another stick, am i right
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guillermo. >> yes you're right. >> i knew i was right. i want to take a break and come back, this couple are married they can't hear us, they don't know it yet but when we come back we're going to learn everything about their sex life so stick around [ cheers and applause ] ♪ . >> announcer: abc's "jimmy kimmel live" brought to you by american express. how warm is brazil in february? what color is dusk in san francisco? there's a whole world out there and no other card lets you experience it like the platinum card. ♪ ♪ backed by the service and security of american express. ♪ ♪ the price is $4.99! come on in for a subway footlong! black forest ham!
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which is much better than ah previous idea that we had: gum that's just bursting. (complete chaos) ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! (screaming for help) trident bursting with more flavor. much better idea.
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sailing the seas day and night. they knew where they were going, by watching the clouds move in the sky or the way their boats rocked. that's how the waves and stars would speak to them. guide them. sometimes, you can find your way in the world, by getting lost in it. let your legend begin at aulani, a one-of-a-kind disney resort in hawaii [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. tonight on the show, music from lo moon. but first i asked 4,000 men all over the world how long a sexual encounter should last men 25
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minutes 43 seconds only eight seconds different from women. the question how long should sex last not how long does it actually last. that was the question i don't know that men and woman would be so close. so we got a camera on hollywood boulevard. this is our couple. can you hear me right now? okay, good, they can't hear me. so they don't know what the question is. right sal? >> i don't know what these people know. >> jimmy: all right let's have them remove the head phones. first of all let me ask, what is your name. >> nicole. >> jimmy: and? >> derek. >> jimmy: how long have you been together. >> for 14 years. >> jimmy: how did you meet? >> just on the street. [ laughter ] i was getting some jerk chicken. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: really, all right.
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i'm going to ask you a question. >> okay. >> jimmy: what i'd like you to do is write your answer down. don't reveal it until i ask you to. and no peaking at each other's cards. the question is on average how long does a sexual encounter between you last? how long? in minutes, you know, or seconds, whatever, i don't know. whatever it is -- oh, nicole is very quick with that. derek's really -- derek is thinking about the ramifications here. derek, what -- how much could you be writing? so let's start with nicole. nicole, how long does it last? oh, come on. >> an hour. that would be 60 minutes. and derek you say -- >> four hours.
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>> jimmy: you know i said sex not an energy drink, right? ha, ha, four hours? >> i'm just being honest. >> well why is nicole saying an hour? who are you with? you got three other woman. >> no! >> jimmy: all right nicole is that true is it anywhere close to four hours. >> depends on the day. >> jimmy: what like leap day is -- all right. we need honest pedestrians, sal. >> yeah i wish i had jerk chicken. >> jimmy: yeah what do you have as a parting gift. >> two boxes of wine and. >> jimmy: and what? >> and an egg timer. >> jimmy: okay an egg timer all right. >> a lot going on out here. [ cheers and applause ] >> come on in. welcome to another couple here. they're ready to go. >> jimmy: we have 200 employees here no one can help sal, huh?
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let's meet our next couple. there they are. i assume they don't know what's going on. go ahead and take off the head phones what's your name. >> vicky. >> jimmy: and? >> greg. >> i would have guessed that where you from? >> kansas city. >> jimmy: and how long you been together? >> about 28 years. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, that's a long time. wow. did you meet on the street? >> in school. >> jimmy: in school, okay. all right. what class did you meet in? >> you know i don't know. i didn't really talk to him a whole lot. about eighth grade. >> jimmy: you guys talk now? >> yeah, we talk now. >> jimmy: all right so i'd like you to no talking here, write your answer to this question down. okay. and don't show each orange thence. other the answer. please try to be honest. we had couple here moments ago
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could not have been farther off. it was ridiculous. so i assume you make love? >> okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how long does it take? how many minutes does it take? i'm glad we got a nine-year-old standing right behind you. [ laughter ] sal, ask that kid what his name is. >> what's your name. >> jace. >> jace do you know what's going on here? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> going to get suspended first thing in the morning. >> jimmy: all right. oh, great. all right. so vicky let's start with you. what do you say? >> 15 minutes. >> all right greg? greg says. >> it varies. >> jimmy: wow. wait. sometimes it's one? [ laughter ]
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you guys, god bless you, you've been together a long time. all right. so again we've learned nothing. thank you vicky and greg we have parting gifts for you. >> a jar of oysters and hour glass. >> jimmy: all right enjoy. let's bring in one more couple see we can get something out of this. all right our next couple is, oh, two guys. all right. >> what is your name? john. >> ross. >> jimmy: ross and john you a couple? >> yep. >> jimmy: how long you been together. >> two years in march. >> i'll go with that. >> jimmy: are you married? >> newly engaged. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: why does john have a ring you don't, ross. >> i haven't proposed back.
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>> jimmy: oh, you have to propose back. >> it's the rules. >> jimmy: technically are you engaged? >> i am. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, all right. so the question is this, when you make love, how long does it take? in minutes. how long is your love-making session? sal, let's quickly check back in with jace. >> this exciting to you? >> i guess. >> jimmy: jace where you from? >> texas. >> jimmy: oh, no, yeah, this is not going to go over well back home. [ laughter ] all right, ross and john. ross, you begin, how long does it take, ross? ross says until i fall asleep. how many minutes. >> put a number down. >> jimmy: what would you say? all right. john says? 30. all right. finally.
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all right. so what do we have for ross and john. >> gift cards to hooters. >> jimmy: love that. gift cards, thank you guys. don't me we learned anything but it was fun. thank you for playing. thanks for sharing. tonight on the show music from lo moon. will poulter is here and we'll be right back with kristen bell. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi and welcome back to the show. tonight from the movie "maze runner the death cure" will poulter is here. then this is their self-titled album making their network television debut, lo moon from the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night tony goldwyn will be here, natasha leggero will join us, and we'll have music from lauv. and on thursday -- adam levine, jason jones, and music from maroon 5. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an actress, singer, wife, mother disney princess and this weekend awards show host. on top of all that, she stars opposite ted danson in the post-life comedy "the good place" thursdays nights on nbc please welcome kristen bell. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: how you doing. >> hi, really well. >> jimmy: you look fantastic. >> thank you as do you. >> jimmy: how's the family do g doing. >> they're wonderful. we got our flu shots but thankfully no one had the flu. >> jimmy: that's remarkable. >> and we've been traveling a lot too. >> jimmy: you feel you're staying a step ahead of the flu? >> certainly hope so. >> jimmy: are you very conscientious about washing your hands and not touching things. >> i don't touch my kids. they're petry dishes. >> jimmy: they are filthy. >> we go on a lot of road trips and use gas station bathrooms, so we're very lucky. >> jimmy: you do go on a lot of
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road trips. >> we've been in two in two weeks, mammoth and oregon over christmas. yeah we're a road tripping family. >> jimmy: how old are your daughters now? >> oh, i don't know. anybody? three and four and half. >> jimmy: for most families that would be a night mare traveling with three and four and half. >> yeah but we also live in motorhomes sometimes. i like getting in a small space not using our phone we do full disclosure put the tvs on in the back but we get in that space, listen to podcasts and talk, and he's always without exception we drive over 75 miles an hour he will tow his razor and frailer that was our recent trip to oregon and not kidding sometimes we don't even use it. >> jimmy: you just tow it?
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why bring it. >> because it's a symbol of his freedom. >> jimmy: in what way? >> i don't know. i don't question it. life is about compromise. i make him bring the dog and he's border line affixiateth, so you can tow it. he doesn't know i recognize what it is. it's an attachment. it's a lovie. my one daughter has a lamby. my original daughter a blanket. my husband has a thousand pound off road vehicle and i have my vape pen, i think. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] #edgymom. yeah. >> we went camping together over the summer our families. >> yeah not just you and i. there was more people there. >> jimmy: although i'd be open to that. >> me too. >> jimmy: dax brought a
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full-sized bouncy house not like one you get from an uncle but with you you rent or be at a carnival. >> it's the size of this desk it's why i can't park in my garage. >> jimmy: he plugs it in, it starts inflating and it's just huge and kids go wild and the guy who runs the camp site goes no, what's this, no, no, no so i realize we have a problem so i have to go kind of keep the guy occupied for 20 minutes while the kids bounce in the house. >> yeah and negotiate. didn't we say next year we'll sign waivers. >> jimmy: didn't want any waivers? >> no they didn't. we were all given a task ours was to entertain the kids. some was like crafts or entertaining the kids. >> jimmy: you really delivered. >> did we or did my husband find the only toy where you can
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actually leave your kids unattended and get a break. it's the lazy parents choice, go bounce, sweep and nighttime mask they're out. >> jimmy: should be able to lock them in. >> i agree. it doesn't hurt. >> jimmy: could wrap them in bubble wrap or something. >> we're on to something. >> jimmy: when you're on a road trip who chooses the music in the car. >> that depends. and we've been on a lot of road trips probably logged 15,000 to 20,000 miles together. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> music is paramount and deeply personal. one of our first road trips was right after "when in rome a.i. "we drove a motorcycle he thought it was a good idea from new york city to detroit to go see our families. we were newly in our relationship. and he had chosen the music for
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the first two states. and he likes a lot of -- you know, when he went into the service station i thought that's a wrap for me, i'm up to here with the rock outlaw country, let's get some show tunes, right. so i switched the ipad. well he was not happy. >> jimmy: i bet. >> because i didn't ask. we didn't discuss it. we are both control freaks, beginning of our relationship. that fight got bigger and bigger on the road which morphed into a fight about helmet laws because dak shepard believes of he is in a state that does not have a helmet law he should be observing the local culture, and not wear his helmet. >> jimmy: you did just shoot "when in rome". >> yeah i'm like no, you have to wear a helmet so it morphed into a bigger fight. we compromised we were on the highway he had to wear it but to not on the side
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streets, and into joke he took side streets for four hours. but then it started raining and i said hold up we didn't anticipate rain, we need an addendum to this compromise and you have to wear it period. he was not happy. the rest of the trip from ohio to michigan we fought so bad we lost our voice because we were screaming at each other on the motorcycle i refused to hold on to him so i held on to the back of the motorcycle. like a boss. >> jimmy: glaring at him the whole way. >> i'm like i'm not touching you right now. and the worse part we pull up to my mom's house, she's oblvious to the near-break up we are at. she meets us in the driveway with camcorder and digicamera
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whole thing getting coverage, right, after a medium length photo shoot next to the bike we rode in on, she said honey i have great news i pulled out all of the vhs tapes of our favorite shows, let's go. we sit on the den and see eight vhs tapes and on the spine of every one it says our favorite show. -- so we sit down. he describes this experience, how long have i been talking. >> jimmy: i don't know. it's okay. >> sometimes i honestly think that -- >> jimmy: you want to take a break and come back to "alf". >> yeah. >> jimmy: we'll take a break and come back to the thrilling conclusion about kristen bell's
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it's just my eczema again,t. but it's fine. yeah, it's fine. you ok? eczema. it's fine. hey! hi! aren't you hot? eczema again? it's fine. i saw something the other day. eczema exposed. your eczema could be something called atopic dermatitis, which can be caused by inflammation under your skin. maybe you should ask your doctor? go to eczemaexposed.com to learn more. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we're back with kristen bell.
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before the break, ha, ha so dak and kristen, big fight, first time meeting your mom. >> yeah. >> jimmy: mom wisely sits you on the couch to watch a stack of "alf" vhss. >> exactly and dak described the moment as he sat down he said i had an out of body experience, i hate this girl i'm sitting next to, we're on the verge of a break up i think her mom is crazy and all of a sudden i'm watching "alf." we got through two or three fs before he politely went to visit his dad. >> jimmy: oh, wow he left the house did you guys dak a break. >> no we took a break and we continued dating that's the moral of the story. >> jimmy: and you worked it out. >> yeah it is about compromise. understanding wants and needs. we weren't listening to each
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other back then now we listen. >> jimmy: now you listen. >> yeah. >> jimmy: now you're hosting the sag awards. >> i am. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: is this the first time they had a female host. >> yes in the history of the show which is why i took the gig, so cool,i'm a woman first female host, but the first host. i thought that was kind of cool. >> guaranteed to be the best host ever. do you get nervous? >> yes and no. i'm nervous right now in the week leading up to it because all of the writing is going on you want to say the right and funny and appropriate things. >> jimmy: this is a weird time you don't know what's appropriate. >> exactly i came to terms with the fact i won't please everyone but i feel confident i can bring joy which i feel we need a little bit of right now. [ cheers and applause ]
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and forward momentum. and on the day i will just use the teleprompter. >> jimmy: all of the presenters are females. >> yes. >> jimmy: that's unusual just to start with. >> it's a nod to the changing climate and nod to the celebration of women. this is the saactor's party in e actor's house and they feel some actors have felt unrecognized are marginalized so they said women you have a larger voice and saying a lot of things, let's give you the stage. >> jimmy: as well at the same time are you shooting "the good place". >> no we shoot in the summer and spring. i'll go back to it soon. >> jimmy: what a great, and fun show. ted danceson is the you versionn guys. >> that makes me so happy. i love him. >> jimmy: he's the greatest
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isn't he. >> yeah he's joy personified. >> jimmy: i think it's a show you can't really just jump in and figure out what's going on. >> yeah it's confusing. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah it requires a little bit of thinking. there are philosophy lessons peppered throughout this comediesy but makes it digestible because you're telling jokes. i really enjoy it. this season was really fun to shoot. we left the first season on a gigantic cliff hanger. spoiler alert you found out heaven was actually hell. we wrap up this season in a very interesting and enjoyable way i think will be very entertaining. >> jimmy: all right i think you have said all you could possibly say about this. good luck at the sag awards. kristen bell! "the good place" airs thursdays at 8:30pm on nbc. we'll be right back with will poulter. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: welcome back to the show. our next guest is a gifted young actor you know from movies like "we're the millers," "detroit" and "the revenant." i think he played the bear.
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on january 26th he returns to the big screen in "maze runner the death cure." please welcome will poulter. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. i know you just flew in from new england. >> i just flew in, yeah. >> jimmy: is it a culture shock to come to l.a. and suddenly be here. even just driving for us the right side of the road. it is the right side, you are on the wrong side of the road over there. you know that right? >> yeah for me way i look at it any time i'm near a car it's wrong. i can't actually drive period. >> jimmy: you don't know how to drive? >> i do not. i'm not officially an adult.
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>> jimmy: why is that? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: how old are you. >> 25 at the ends of the month. >> jimmy: you're old enough. >> i should know by now. >> jimmy: what's the hold up. >> my family haven't filled me with confidence they're amazingly supportive but just the mention of taking a theory test had he crack up laughing at the idea of me behind a wheel, it's hilarious to them. >> jimmy: are you clumsy. >> yeah i am. >> jimmy: maybe it's better you don't drive. >> i think it is for everyone. to be honest. >> jimmy: like acting don't you have to drive when you're acting. >> yeah it's interesting, i heard that sort of old school thing they ask you can ride a horse you say yes. so the same applied, you are asked you can drive you just say yes. and i got found out. >> jimmy: by who? >> on the set of a film called "detroit" i played a racist
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police officer and one of the requirements apart from being a i bigoted psycho path is that i needed to drive. there were couple moments on set where it was less than comfortable for everybody involved. i got on really well with my two fellow police officers played by ben o'toole and jack renner renr had a good laugh when the material allowed for it. we were setting up for this effectively stunt where i have to drive and it's a blocked off road and i'm asked, because they assume i'm 24 that i could drive. he goes it's super easy. you know just peel off around this corner. all of the guys around you will be stunt guys. you will be totally safe. just take off. gun it. i was like, sure rksz gun it. >> jimmy: where's my gun.
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>> yeah, i'll gun it. i don't have to shoot out the window do i. and so just take off. it's 200 meters, we'll pull the cut that will be it. >> jimmy: so you basically have to pull up, that's the stunt? [ laughter ] it's not a stunt. >> it was impressive to me. >> jimmy: that's parking. >> yeah he said pull up. pull out of this corner and take off 200, stop, call it cut. i said did sounds simple turbulenced to t i turned to the guys, clinging on to the back like you got this. were absolutely terrified. i did it. i hopped out of the car and was like not like i am tooting my own horn but i think i killed that. i'm going behind the monitor. you see these stunt guys who are excellent at their job. peel out perfectly.
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gun it perfectly for 200 meters and then there's this cop car, just slowly [ laughter ] you know. >> jimmy: and that's you. >> and that was me. it was a full football field between us. director was very sweet said maybe we'll go again. >> jimmy: did it look like that in the movie. >> that actually made it in the movie. another driving scene took had he 17 takes to pull into my own driveway. >> jimmy: i'd love to see the montage of that. >> yeah detroit has the worse dvds ever. >> jimmy: i would watch all 17 of those attempts to pull into your driveway. this is ridiculous. do you think will you ever learn to drive.
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>> i don't know. >> jimmy: you road a horse in "the >> i probably have been more time on a horse than a car. >> jimmy: one of maybe three people. on january 26th he returns to the big screen in "maze runner the death cure." please welcome will poulter. and we shall return with music from lo moon. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
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>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes- benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i want to thank kristen bell, will poulter and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first this is their self-titled album. comes out february 23rd. here with the song "this is it," lo moon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ parallel love innocently
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vacant on the edge of breaking shouldn't keep me waiting ♪ ♪ yesterday's drugs should never be taken i fell into rotation surrendered mistaken ♪ ♪ this is it this is it now this is it this is it
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this is it now this is it ♪ ♪ i'd kill the hallowed cow holding on impatient but ♪ ♪ nothing left is sacred there's no way to save this ♪ ♪ this is it this is it now this is it ♪ this is it this is out now this is it this is it ♪ ♪ this is out now this is it ♪
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♪ put me out outta my cage outta my brain out in the sunshine ♪ ♪ put me out outta my cage outta my brain out in the sunshine ♪ ♪ put me out outta my cage outta my brain out in the sunshine ♪ ♪ put me out outta my cage outta my brain out in the sunshine ♪ ♪ put me out outta my cage outta my brain out in the sunshine ♪ ♪ put me out outta my cage outta my brain out in the sunshine ♪ ♪ this is it this is it now this is it this is it
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this is out now this is it ♪ ♪ this is it this is out now this is it ♪ ♪ this is it this is out now this is it ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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. this is "nightline". >> tonight starved and shackled, this seemingly happy couple now under arrest. allegedly abusing their 13 children aged 2 to 29 for years. >> being chained to a bed, malnourished and injuries, i would call it torture. >> police say their 17-year-old daughter was so sickly they thought she was just ten years old. the family stunned neighbors on what they saw. >> everyone was super skinny not athletic skinny, like malnourished skinny. plus the talk. a conversation black families are having across america. >> i fear i'm possibly going to die before i even turn 18. >> parents teaching teenagers about what can be deadly police

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