for joining >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, zach braff. from "love, simon," nick robinson. this week in unnecessary censorship. and music from børns. and now, hold fast, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. hi, everyone. nice to see you. thank you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] thanks for coming, everybody. thank you for joining us on what is one of -- today is one of, if not the least productive work

days of the whole year. every tv and computer screen ine on. i feel like i'm working in a buffalo wild wings. everybody is into it. everybody, president obama filled out a bracket. he picked michigan state to win. president trump did not. he likes to wait until after the tournament. [ cheers and applause ] yet another day of march madness for the president. according to the failing "new york times," the special prosecutor robert mueller has subpoenaed the trump organization, the president's company, demanding that they hand over any documents related to business they may have gun russia. in an investigation like this, it is important to follow the money no matter how many porn stars it leads to. so donald trump -- [ applause ] surprisingly hasn't tweeted about the subpoena yet.

probably because he doesn't know how to spell the word subpoena. rumors he may try to fire robert mueller. the guy who is investigating him. that would have to be it, right? at that point, we have to wait until he goes to mar-a-lago and lock him in it forever. trump said mueller looking into his finances is a red line he wouldn't allow to be crossed and now it is being crossed. why do i think this is about to ends with melania handing files over in an underground parking lot? meanwhile, there are new developments in the case of stormy daniels, the porn star, who may or definitely did have sex with donald trump. she is trying to raise money to pay her legal fees. she launch ad fundraising page on a website called crowd justice.com. so now you can give money to a porn star just like the president of the united states.

[ cheers and applause ] she's raised, in 24 hours she raised more than $135,000. who would have thought giving money to a porn star would be an act of patriotism but i never thought a guy who would get in a twitter war with cher would become president. every dollar you donate potentially brings us went step closer to see photos will haunt our dreams forever. stormy daniels's lawyer was on msnbc where he gave a tantalizing preview. >> is there a sex tape? it's not just words. what else is there? >> i'm talking about judging the credibility of an individual. >> of stormy daniels. >> correct i'm not going to -- >> is there a sex tape? >> i won't answer that. >> could there be? >> there could be, might be, would be, who knows? >> jimmy: i don't know. i was thinking about it and i

never wanted to see and not see anything more than i either do or do not want to see donald trump butt naked and pumping away. i mean really. you would watch that, right? of course. [ cheers and applause ] once in a lifetime opportunity. the president was caught on tape of another kind at a fundraiser in st. louis. he was taped admitting he played loose with the facts with the canadian prime minister. he informed the president unlike a lot of countries, canada does noha t vethe united states, which trum keeps saying they do, and you will hear trump recount, just to contradict him, made something up. >> trudeau came to see me. he's a good guy. we have no trade deficit with you. we have none. donald, please, wrong, justin. you do. i had no idea.

we're so stupid. and i thought they were smart. i said you're wrong, justin, you've wrong. no, we have no trade deficit. >> i'm not sure which is more trumpy. blatant lying to a world leader or bragging about it immediately after you do it. but trump met with the prime minister of ireland today just ahead of st. patrick's day. it is on saturday. and we have a beloved annual tradition here at our show. before st. patrick's day, this is number one for me. way better than taking kids are for halloween candy. it really is. let us journey back mobile, the year was 2006, what i ecun . >> curiosity leads the large crowds in the mobile community. many of you bring camcorders and camera phones. >> it looked like a leprechaun to me.

all you got to do is look up in the tree else saw it? say yeah! >> jimmy: it's a st. patrick's day miracle! >> eyewitnesses say the leprechaun only me icos n out t direction, it suddenly disappears. this amateur sketch is what many of you say it looks like. >> that's an amateur sketch? that belongs in the louvre, as far as i'm concerned. and some people, there's always somebody out to spoil the leprechaun fun. >> others find it hard to believe and have come one their own theories and explanations for the image. >> it could be a crack head. told him to get up in the tree and play leprechaun. >> jimmy: you know -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] happy st. patrick's day.

here's is that not so good news. toys "r" us is going out of business. toys "r" us is closing all 735 of their stores and they're putting babies are up for adoption. i tell you, i'll always remember toys "r" us as the store where my children had a complete and total meltdown each and every time we went there. i guess people don't enjoy that anymore. they buy toys amazon. amazon will not rest until every other store is an abandoned warehouse teeming with raccoons. >> hi, kids! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow! how are you doing? welcome, welcome. it's the toys "r" us mascot. geoffrey! how are you? >> i'm good. i have a question for everyone here. >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> do you guys like toys?

[ cheers and applause ] well, i don't have any. because we're bankrupt. [ crying ] >> jimmy: come on, geoffrey. it will be okay. >> no, it's not. no, it's not. because all you bought toys on amazon. now i'm out of a job. >> jimmy: your breath smells a little like alcohol. are you drunk? tell truth. >> yes, i'm drunk. i'm drunk. ♪ i don't want to grow up ♪ i'm a toys "r" us kid ♪ there's a million toys at toys "r" us that i can play with ♪ ♪ but not anymore >> jimmy: oh no. the saddest thing i've ever seen. can you just take geoffrey and maybe get him another drink or something? cheer up, geoffrey. maybe target has something for you.

don't hit your head on the -- there you go. all right. [ applause ] the tallest and shortest drunks in it's thursday night and that means it's time bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week. it's this week's unnecessary censorship. >> a proud american. proud of the opportunity hive to [ bleep ] my [ bleep ]. >> secretary tillerson has just spoken after the president [ bleep ] him. >> great for rex tillerson getting [ bleep ] can be humiliating but i found it to beaterib.goe >> have you [ bleep ] a girl and liked it? >> no. i've never been in a relationship. i [ bleep ]ed a girl without fwhg a relationship. >> they have the cartels.

and the carterels [ bleep ] the cartels. nobody ever [ bleep ]ed them like we did. we [ bleep ]ed them hard. >> my daddy was in his teens when he [ bleep ]ed my mother. she was a beautiful girl who played the piano. >>. >> we've all seen the grisly pictures after. so everything would have been covered in blood. >> holy [ bleep ]. >> i wasn't in any way saying should you dismiss that. >> all right. we'll see new little while, my dear. >> [ bleep ] you. >> really, really good horses. >> you're not going to toss us in your dungeon? >> don't be crazy. no one uses dungeons anymore. >> you're going to arrest us, right? >> arrest you? i want to [ bleep ] you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: when we come back from that break, these two visitors from afar are staying at the youth hostel down the street. tonight they will come people tonight they will compete for a night in a deluxe hotel

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you want "streaming all you your favorite showsy. on the fastest internet" easy. you want "internet that helps you save on mobile" easy. you want "the best wifi you can pause with a tap." see? easy. time for bed. you want xfinity because it makes your life... simple. easy. awesome. get started with xfinity internet for $40 a month for 2 full years when you sign up for tv. click, call or visit a store today. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!"

tonight, zach braff. from "love, simon," nick spring break is here. you share a room, a bathroom, a shower and who knows what else? it isn't exactly luxurious. we came one a game to give the kids staying there a chance to upgrade to a beautiful hotel street. it is time to play hostel la vista! my cousin salt, how are you? >> i'll doing great. i have the kids, junior college fun, 12 ncaa games right now. but let's continue with this game. >> jimmy: sal bets on every sporting event that's happening. and yes, he is very tense. let's meet our contestants.

>> first we have roseio. where are you from? >> i'm from argentina. >> jimmy: what city in argentina? >> buenos aires. >> jimmy: what do you do there? >> well, i live in london. >> jimmy: oh, all right. well, okay. so you moved froargein >> yes. >> jimmy: why? >> because i wanted to study visual arts. >> jimmy: and are you studying visual arts? >> yes. >> jimmy: do you have a job? >> yes. >> jimmy: what do you do for a living? >> i'm a receptionist. >> jimmy: what sort of a place? >> the the hotel in london. >> jimmy: in a hotel. is that a nice hotel? >> yes. >> jimmy: is it like a big fancy hotel? >> it is. >> jimmy: so this must be quite a transition for you. >> i know. >> jimmy: all right, all right. hi there. w hoyou? sorry, there are hooligans behind you. our next conhe is theant.to

what do you do? >> i fix machines. >> jimmy: you work with your hands then. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: do you know much about the city of los angeles? >> a little bit. >> jimmy: what about you? do you know much about our city? >> i do. >> jimmy: this is what you're playing for. you're playing for a newly renovated king suite at the hollywood roosevelt hotel where you can have it all comfort style. even a toilet all to yourself. to make the dream come true, you have to know more than your point about our city and state. los angeles, california. are you ready to play. >> yes. >> jimmy: all right. here we go. question number one. where do our local

housewives live? the real housewives of? brandon? >> california. >> jimmy: we're off to a bad start. do you have any idea what the answer is? >> hollywood. >> jimmy: it is not, no.looking for. we have a tie at zero. [ laughter ] next question, what two letters are on the dodgers' baseball cams? >> d and o? no. the dodgers' baseball caps? >> l.a.? >> jimmy: l.a.! [ cheers and applause ] all right. next question. katy perry once sang, california girls were unforgettable. daisy dukes bikinis on top, sun kissed skin so hot will melt your blank. katy perry.

brandton? >> bikinis on top? >> jimmy: i said that already, brandon. do you know? roseio do you know? they'll melt your blank. >> can you repeat? >> jimmy: no, i can't. forget it. let's go to the next question. name this green-like seed commonly found in l.a. bowls, restaurant bowls. yes. >> quinoa? >> jimmy: that's exactly right. we have a tie. no. we have a really sad and drunk giraffe in the back. did you hear? toys r us is closing. yeah. all right. one more question. this is going to be our tie breaking question. >> okay. >> jimmy: finish this song lyric. i got in one little fight and mom got scared she said you're

moving with your auntie and your uncle in -- rosio? >> l.a.? >> jimmy: you seemed so confident. brandon, do you know what we're looking for here? >> new york? >> jimmy: no. again, the theme is california. all right. well, let's try another tie breaker. who played axel foley in beverly hills cop. brandon? >> eddie murphy? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: congratulations, brandon! cousin sal will grab your bags and bring you to the hotel of your dreams. and don't worry, rosio. we have gifts for you too. flip flops for the shower and toilet seat covers

hand in the by a man who appears to be a vagrant. thank you for playing. we'll be right back with zach braff! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ . ♪ ♪ let it go. ♪ i'll see you at the top ♪ ♪ and i'm never gonna stop. ♪ ♪ yeah i'm one of a kind. ♪ ♪ gonna walk my own line. ♪ ♪ individual. ♪ ♪ i'm an individual. ♪ ♪ my bladder leakage was making me feel like i couldn't spend time with my grandson. now depend fit-flex has their fastest absorbing material inside, so it keeps me dry and protected. go to depend.com - get a coupon and try them for yourself. go to depend.com - ♪ happiness is powerful flea and tick protection from nexgard.

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>> jimmy: welcome back tonight. you know him from "jurassic world" and starting tomorrow, you can see him in the new movie "love, simon," nick robinson is here. called "blue madonna," børns from the mercedes-benz stage. next week we have new shows with tyler perry, katie couric, she will give me a colon ostomy. she has a little gift for me. it's a bag. charlie day, judd apatow, jensen ackles, henry winkler, roseanne barr, and john goodman. and we will have music from dua lipa, the decemberists, sabrina carpenter featuring jonas blue, and chloe x halle. please join us for that. th me to the after th ce om g w

colono sk i>> me.sc y.op >> jimmy: this is a situation where i'm in a compromising position. i'll be lying down with a gown on. and katie couric will be lurking with our questions. >> i'll be there for you. >> jimmy: thank you, guillermo. you know, the stafts new jersey has given us many gifts. frank sinatra, bubble-wrap, air conditioning, and our first guest. he has a new show here on abc called "alex, inc." >> quit your job? >> yes. what if i, and this is one of the reasons i want to take to you dinner, start my own podcast company. [ laughter ] >> why are you laughing? >> because you're kidding. you're not kidding? oh, god. >> jimmy: "alex inc" premieres march 28th, please welcome zach braff. >> jimmy: welcome. >> jimmy: welcome.

>> i like that. [ cheers and applause ] >> this is really, really good. hi, everybody. america >> jimmy: i want to begin by saying, i know you're a clean person. you smell exceptionally clean. >> i put on special musk for you. i wanted you to think i smelled good. >> jimmy: it smells like soap. it smells like you just stepped out of the shower. >> i did wash it off but i did put a little something special. >> jimmy: it's been four years let's go through month by month what happened to you since then. you directed a big movie. >> that was the biggest thing. freeman. a movie called "going in style" >> jimmy: fantastic. do they take directions? >> oh, yeah. they couldn't be nicer. they're very into being directed.

there was a moment, in the movie they all get stoned. so we're sitting around a table in rehearsal. michael cain, morgan freeman and alan arkin. michael caine stops and says, i don't remember if i've ever been high before. he said i think richard burton got me high once. this is what it felt like. so i'm in the situation describing what it feels like to be high. >> what did you tell him? >> because i know. i said it is like being silly. you're very giggly, he's nodding and taking some notes. i said think of it like being drunk but you're a little bit silly. i am to morgan -- >> he said i'm good. >> jimmy: is that for you as young man, do you love meeting those legends? those guys? >> i've been in this business,

i've been working in this business cynic i was a kid. it never gets old. i get so excited. my friend invited me to go to dinner with al pacino. he's a god to me of i was so excited. i put on this musk that you like. i laid out this whole outfit. i'm not kidding. i took it very seriously. i pictured me in the corner, a candle lit dinner. i get it is and a 12-person dinner at a hotel and it was in the far end. i was sitting there pouting at my end of the table. no offense to the people. but they weren't al pacino. at one moment, almost everyone got up to smoke and i realize i'm the only person left with al pacino. i said this is my moment. come on, you have to have courage. i sat down across from him. he was so sweetest asked me with my work and i asked him about being al pacino. and then at a certain point he

looks around, he reaches in his pocket, and he pulls out a tiny action figure of albert einstein. he said do you see there? he said i carry this in my pocket he have single day. a friend gave it to me and it is in my pocket he have day. okay. and he said, say hello to my little friend. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's pretty great. then people start coming back. he put it in his pocket lying it never happened. i swear to god. i>> >> jimmy: that's a beautiful gift he gave you. to do something like that. >> he did and no one will believe me. >> jimmy: i like the imagine albert einstein carrying a little al pacino. i want to ask but. this these are advertisements.

these appeared to be from russia. this keeps happening to me. >> jimmy: yes. are you doing adds in russia? >>. no scrubs was very popular in russia and the u.k. and they've been using my face in ads for years. i don't think they think anyone will walk down street and say, hey, copy right infringement. >> jimmy: we translated this as a computer repair place. >> yes, i'm available for computer repair. >> jimmy: and another one. this is perhaps actionable. this is an erectile dysfunction act. >> yaeflt it's something like problem with your boner? call here. >> jimmy: how many problems could they be having? >> i don't know. this has been translated for me and it says if your penis isn't working, call i'll help you. >> jimmy: are you at all worried that robert mueller will subpoena you? >> only if he needs help with his boner. >> jimmy: who doesn't really. you know? >> well, you can always get it a little bit better. that's why they picked me.

because i can help. >> jimmy: so tell us about this new show. this is based on a real guy. a true story before the a real guy. he used to work at this american life. and he quit his job to start his own podcasting company. what year was it? >> i'm going to guess probably wrong but you'll add are. i think it was about five years ago. he knew nothing about starting a business. i said i know what i'll do. i'll record everything. trying to start a business when my wife and i are fighting, when a pitch is going wrong, i'm going on record everything and it became this really, really popular podcast called start-up. so we thought it was a great family show so we turned it into a great tv show. >> jimmy: and were you a listener? >> no. it was sent to me. the guy put his whole family on the line to do this. >> jimmy: you're the executive producer and you cast the show.

>> jimmy: have you ever played a dad in a show? >> yeah. a movie called i wish i was here, i played a father. >> jimmy: so the kids, do you feel any the kind of, my wife is not only indian but they have to be. >> believably our kids. we found these lovable kids. their little boy is a savant. he is 13 years old but he has his g.e.d. he is very, very bright. >> jimmy: he already flunked out of high school and went back for >> jimmy: biracial children. >> yeah. and we found these little kids very, very funny. the little boy is 13 years old but he already has his g.e.d. he is very, very bright. >> jimmy: he already flunked out of high school and went back for

his g.e.d.? >> no, whatever it is called. whatever it is called when you're 13. >> jimmy: generally getting your g.e.d. is not a good sign. >> when you're 13 of will. >> jimmy: dougie howser. >> jimmy: he's a savant. well, we went to the guggenheim but i don't like the collection. and my wife is played by tia. and he says, zach, can you believe she hasn't read that book? and he's an amazing guitar player. >> jimmy: shouldn't he be doing something else? like leading our country? >> what's wrong starring in an it's abc tv show. >> jimmy: we've got problems. we need that kid. congratulations on the show. i'm glad you're here as part of the abc network. great to have you back. alex braff, everybody. "alex, inc." premieres march 28th at 8:30 on abc. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪

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>> jimmy: welcome back. zach braff and borns are on the way but first, this st. patrick's day will be the 200th time guinness has celebrated the holiday in the united states. 200. and did we ever give ireland ex and did we ever give ireland ex >> jimmy: welcome back. you know our next guest from the enormously popular dinosaur drama "jurassic world." his first starring role is as a high school kid with an online crush. "love, simon" opens in theatres tomorrow, please welcome nick robinson. [ cheers and applause ] >> how are you? >> jimmy: doing well. >> thanks for having me. >> jimmy: good to have you here, you play a teenager in this movie, right? >> do i, right. but i'm actually 22. >> jimmy: that's all right. i think the kids in 90210 were like 98. like, 48. >> give or take a couple years. >> jimmy: and they pulled it off no problems. >> jimmy: i hear your mom is here with you tonight. >> she is here with me tonight. >> jimmy: does she go everywhere

with you? >> just to talk shows. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> i'm from seattler originally. >> do we have seattle-ites here tonight? >> jimmy: they're just enthusiastic. does she stay with you? >> she has recently. i have i have a roommate and now an extra roommate that i've had about a week now. >> jimmy: your mom. >> yes. >> jimmy: how does your roommate like having her in the house? >> i think he likes her. she is very good at organizing. windex. >> jimmy: i see. she helps keep the place somewhat sanitary? >> yeah. >> jimmy: is it typically not clean? >> it's clean enough. i think it is clean but then she gets and she says this is disgusting. so my standard and her standard don't quite match up. >> i have that with my wife. she said to me last night. she's like, i want to you look at this.

i want you to go in the other room and then walk in here and look at it. i said let's not do this. come on. >> just kind of rub your nose in it a little bit. >> jimmy: in a way, yes. you know what's happening there. so is your roommate another actor? >> just a friend of mine. actually, my first roommate ever. so it's been a bit of a learning curve to learn the rope as little bit of the >> jimmy: what are the ropes th rbaoothmmroatom? >> we do share a bathroom. that has been the worst part of all of it. he has a large beard. right? so it's down like here. so every morning when i'm wake kwa up and doing my routine, i have to take this huge lump of hair out of the thing. >> jimmy: my wife does that too. yes. so that's my one pet peeve. >> jimmy: out of the sink or the

shower? >> hopefully not the sink. i haven't had to do the sink yet. it is just the shower drain. it's gross. really gross. >> jimmy: whose name is on the lease? if yours is, you could probably throw him out. >> possibly. yeah. i haven't thought about that yet. >> jimmy: is it weird to be the star of a movie and you're still pulling your roommate's hair out of a drain? >> yeah, yeah. you could say that. it keeps you humble. going in the morning and having to do that. >> jimmy: this movie it has gotten like 90% rotten tomatoes. >> people really like it. we've been all over the country and kids have been bussing in hours away to go see it. >> we don't have screens everywhere. >> how do kids figure this out before the movie comes out? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: it is strange. there seems to be, like a sense that a movie, special when i

like a high school movie like that. and there is nothing better than a good high school movie. >> yeah. i think it brings people back. there is been a ground swell of support of people who are really excited to, i don't know what it is. a high school film. a coming of age story that we've seen before. from a new perspective this time. people are liking that. >> jimmy: and you're going to carry that with you the whole rest of your life. like being in the breakfast club or something like that. i'm warning you. just prepare for the worst. that's what i'm saying. did you take any of your own high school experiences and apply them to this movie? >> did i as much as i could. i think you take a role and you take your experiences. what did you remember that you took from high school? >> i remember being totally confused all the time skochblt

and that's what this character is. someone who is just trying to figure out day after day. >> jimmy: i was confused, too. up until recently you don't know. i didn't know anything at all. >> that's the thing. you think you know it all and you have no idea. >> jimmy: even after i graduated, i was like, i guess i should go to college. >> i think that's the next step. >> jimmy: that's what i learned over that summer. and i'm not joking. that's absolutely true. well, congratulations to you. it seems like very big deal. it's called "love simon." nothing to do with simon cowell. "love, simon" opens in theatres tomorrow. and we'll return with music from børns. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live

concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. hello there friend! hi! hey there. i'm an imaginary friend of a kid just like you. you're going through a lot right now and i know you're scared. but you're stronger than you know. but look, we'll get through this together. and remember... we at the imaginary friends society always have your back!

>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.

>> jimmy: i want to thank zach braff, nick robinson, and apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. this is his album "blue madonna," here with the song "sweet dreams," børns! ♪ ♪ hearts in a cage hearts in a cage hearts in a cage you ♪ ♪ you flipped the page and slipped away never thought that you were ♪ ♪ someone to say things that you didn't mean you didn't even ♪ ♪ call to wish me sweet dreams uh huh really thought we ♪ ♪ made a sweet team uh huh but

don't cry consider this a lullaby ♪ ♪ ♪ ticking clocks on the wall waiting ♪ ♪ for your call but that cuckoo bird won't sing at all ♪ ♪ never thought you would take everything we had and loved and leave you didn't even ♪

♪ call to wish me sweet dreams uh huh really thought we ♪ ♪ made a sweet team uh huh uh huh but don't cry can't you see that ♪ ♪ you're a love of mine sweet dreams always thought you were the sweetest thing ♪ ♪ but don't cry consider this a lullaby bye them sweet dreams ♪ ♪ sweet dreams sweet dreams oh sweet dreams ♪ ♪

♪ sweet dreams sweet dreams oh sweet dreams ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪

candy ♪ ♪ she's sweet like candy in my veins ♪ ♪ baby, i'm dieing for another taste ♪ ♪ and every night my mind is running around her ♪ ♪ then it's getting louder and louder ♪ ♪ baby you're like ltd e ltd ♪e ♪ in a bottle ♪ i can can't let you go down dha i got it. ♪ ♪ all i need is to be struck ♪ by your electric love ♪ baby, you're electric love ♪ electric love ♪ drowning ♪ ♪ you make my mart beat like the

rain ♪ ♪ surround me ♪ hold me deep beneath your weight ♪ ♪ and every night my mind is running around her ♪ ♪ then it's getting louder and louder and louder ♪ ♪ baby you're like lightning in a bottle ♪ ♪ i can't let you go now that i got it ♪ ♪ ♪ you're like lightning in a bottle ♪ ♪ i can't let you go go go go go got it ♪ ♪ and all i need is to be struck ♪ ♪ by your electric love ♪ baby your electric love ♪ your electric love ♪ whoa ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, the killer ride. a co-owner of what was dubbed the world's tallest water slide now under arrest, facing murder charges after a ten-year-old boy was killed on the ride. the new indictment saying the danger was known to park officials. the history of mishaps ignored and former employee tells us what he saw. >> plus new jersey. >> let the fist pumping begin. >> we're with the jrzy shore crew back with a final reunion can they act like a dultds. >> welcome to my crib. party's here. >> snooki giving us ab exclusive tour of the team's new