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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  August 29, 2018 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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all right. that's our report. we appreciate your time. i'm dan ashley. >> and a >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, don cheadle, from "kin," zoe kravitz, tiffany haddish, this week in unnecessary censorship, and music from blood orange featuring a$ap rocky. and now, don't move -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. very nice. thank you. hi, guillermo. how you doing? hi there, i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching the show. thanks for coming to the show. how's your summer going so far? is it going all right? [ cheers and applause ] how many of you are representing us from out of town tonight?
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[ cheers and applause ] more importantly, how many of you traveled with an emotional support animal? nobody? okay. you know about these emotional support animals, right, guillermo? >> guillermo: that's right, yeah. >> jimmy: people get a note, you pay like $40 and some bogus online doctor will give you a note that says you have a medical need to take a monkey on the plane. it started with animals people actually need, like seeing-eye dogs. someone decided, i'm disabled too, i have emotional problems that can only be solved by carrying a big-horned sheep on my lap. [ laughter ] lawyers got involved and now it's a thing. emotional support animals. you can't have a bag of peanuts on the plane because people are allergic, but you can bring a 250-pound saint bernard on the plane. [ laughter ] mostly people use it as an excuse to get their dog or cat on the plane with them, they don't have emotional problems, they have pets. now southwest, the airline, not the region, is cracking down. starting next month the only comfort animals allowed on southwest airlines will be dogs and cats, or as the president
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put it, omarosas and cats. [ laughter ] no ferrets no wallabies no rats. they will allow miniature horses if the horses are trained service animals, but that's it. the crackdown started back in january when a woman tried to board a united flight with an emotional support peacock. for real. by the way, researching this, the peacock died this week. so i hope the woman who owned it finds an ostrich or something to help her through this difficult time. [ laughter ] southwest is serious about this. my hope that is other airlines will take note. >> at southwest airlines, we want to make sure our passengers get to their destinations safely. and we are committed to doing our best to ensure a pleasant flight for everyone on board. which is why southwest is introducing our new policy regarding emotional support animals. a program called cut the [ bleep ]. at southwest we believe a plane is a plane, not a petting zoo. can't fly without your pony?
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stay home, you [ bleep ] nutjob. ♪ southwest airlines maybe you should take the bus ♪ >> jimmy: that's not bad advice. [ cheers and applause ] anything goes on the bus. there you go. in all honesty, i have an emotional support animal, it's a fried chicken. [ laughter ] president trump is busy planning a parade to support himself emotionally around veterans day in washington, d.c. and remember last month they said this parade would cost $12 million? turns out the estimate was a little bit off, it was off by about $80 million. according to a defense official the parade is now expected to cost $92 million. but don't worry, i'm sure he'll get mexico to pay for this one too. [ laughter ] it's scheduled for november 10th. and you'd think we're going to spend that much to honor veterans, the money could go to, i don't know, maybe veterans? but no. we will spend $100 million to drive tanks down a crumbling street we can't afford to fix. kind of the perfect metaphor for the united states, really.
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but today was a day of i think unprecedented solidarity for the news media. you know, after enduring all manner of insult from donald trump, journalism took a stand today. about 350 newspapers published editorials defending freedom of the press against numerous attacks from the commander in chief. the president responded via twitter, of course. the fake news media is the opposition party, it is very bad for our great country, but we are winning. then he tweeted, there is nothing that i would want more for our country than true freedom of the press, the fact is that the press is free to write and say anything it wants but much of what it says is fake news pushing a political agenda or plain trying to hurt people, honesty wins. [ audience moaning ] >> jimmy: now he's just messing with us, right? [ laughter ] unfortunately these attacks on the press have been effective. according to a new poll, a majority of republicans believe the news media is the quote enemy of the people.
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which is -- we all know the enemy of the people is gluten. [ laughter ] i mean, that is a fact. it's not the media. trump also found a new way to suppress those who dare criticize him. he took the rare and unusual step of revoking security clearance held by a former cia director named john brennan. trump said he revoked brennan's clearance because of risks posed by his quote erratic behavior for making unfounded, outrageous allegations and wild outbursts on the internet. in other words, he literally described himself. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's really amazing. any time he's accused of anything, he just turns around and accuses someone else of the very same thing. he gives brennan, accused of erratic behavior. accuses hillary clinton of collusion. accuses robert mueller of being conflicted. calls omarosa a liar. his strategy is basically, i'm rubber and you're glue. except as we know from stormy daniels, he doesn't use a rubber. [ rim shot ]
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[ laughter ] john brennan was the point person for the operation that killed osama bin laden. but that was under the obama administration. trump really wants to undo anything obama did. my sources tell me he wants to have bin laden brought back to life so he can kill him himself. [ light laughter and applause ] that's right. this does hurt john brennan who appears as an expert on cable news and relies on his security clearance to get accurate information. now that he's cut off from the facts his only option is to appear on fox news. [ laughter ] [ applause ] speaking of great people, remember that baker from colorado who won the supreme court case after he refused to make a wedding cake for the same-sex couple? he's back in court because of another cake he doesn't want to bake. jack phillips filed a lawsuit against the governor of colorado over a gender transition cake. blue on the outside, pink in the middle. somebody wanted to have this cake. the colorado civil rights division says he has to bake it
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for them. and he doesn't want to. which is really funny. because this is a guy who spends all day, every day, met tick lullsly designing flowers out of icing. his whole life is gay, okay? [ laughter ] i don't know if he's worried the wrong cake might bring that to life or what. and i will add, this is jack phillips, the total he straight cake baker. you would think that someone who looks like the reba mcintyre version of colonel sanders would be more sympathetic to gender identity issues. today by the way, i don't know if you know this, national tell a joke day. here's one. why did donald trump cross the road? okay, first of all, he never crossed the road, that's fake news. [ laughter ] second of all, the people who were accusing him of crossing the road? they're the ones who crossed the road. third, hillary clinton crossed a bunch of roads and the media never asked about that. fourth, if he did cross it, it was totally legal, the light was green. fifth, donald trump is a successful businessman who knows more about roads than any of you ever will.
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sixth, the stock market is at an all-time high but all you want to talk about is crossing roads. seventh, the road-crossing investigation is a politically motivated witch hunt. eighth, the real question is how do we stop illegal immigrants from crossing the roads? nine, vladimir putin is a good guy, love to hold hands and cross the road with him. tenth, donald trump crossed the road to make this country great again. so thank you, and no more questions. [ cheers and applause ] we cover everything? okay. i hate jokes. i know it's weird to say but i don't like jokes. i don't like sitting through them when i hear so-and-so goes into a bar, i turn like white walker, i have no emotions. i hate the phoney setups. i do like punch lines. so in honor of tell a joke day we went on the street this afternoon and asked people to tell us a joke, then we cut out all the setups to the jokes and went right to the punch lines. and these are the punch lines. >> do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?
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>> because it takes so long to swallow their pride. >> because the wizard had a halloween-ie. >> will you gorilla me a sandwich? >> [ bleep ] i left my [ bleep ] cigarettes at the bar last night. >> for selling quack. >> a prosti-toad. >> a fun guy. >> finland. >> a newspaper. >> a canary really can't sing, the mouse is a ventriloquist. >> i forgot it. sorry. >> because if they did, they'll be called bagels. >> because then they would be called bagels. >> they want to go to the other side. >> a dead one of these. >> wait. i'm not home, i'm still on my trip. >> you go out to dinner twice a week, i go monday, she goes tuesday. >> i don't know what he laced them with but i've been tripping all day. >> a dictator. >> it's supposed to be penis but i just switched it up because i went to college. >> ground beef.
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>> happy jokes day! >> jimmy: all right, there you go. thank you, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] happy ground beef to you. all right, it's thursday night. that means it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not. it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> an investigation is under way after video posted to instagram shows a man [ bleep ]ing a hippopotamus at the los angeles zoo. >> they've never had anything like this before. of course, 8 inches is a lot of [ bleep ]. >> i just want to say honestly, [ bleep ] you. [ bleep ] you. >> ashley? i want to [ bleep ] you. ashley, where is ashley? [ bleep ] your husband too. [ bleep ] you. >> i just started [ bleep ]. >> just started? >> the last ten years. now i'm a big [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. that's life, you know. >> the house with a [ bleep ] in
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its [ bleep ]. >> still ahead, a woman has an uncontrollable [ bleep ] episode that lasted 19 hours. >> i've never blown [ bleep ], how do we do it? >> well, it's pretty easy, actually. >> [ bleep ] in the [ bleep ]. >> that's it, wow. >> [ bleep ] you. >> [ bleep ] you. >> [ bleep ] you. >> no, [ bleep ] you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, we've got a good show for you. don cheadle and zoe kravitz, music from blood orange with asap rocky. but first it's time for q&a with the funniest people on earth, i have three ridiculous questions for tiffany haddish. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: tiffany, what's the best thing about white people? >> i mean, it depends on the person.
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because some white guys that take they shirt off and i'm like, dang, translucent nipples, that's crazy. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> like i don't know what's the best thing about white people. >> jimmy: i know, i can't figure it out either. do you think you would thrive in space? >> i know i would. >> jimmy: you would? >> if there's a man with me. if there's a female there, i'm not going to thrive. >> jimmy: why? >> because we can't reproduce. >> jimmy: what if it was an old man? >> that's fine. i'll change his space diaper. >> jimmy: okay. if you had a robot butler, what would you name it? >> i would name it james. >> jimmy: oh, thank you. is that because of me? >> no. >> jimmy: oh. >> i just like the name james, like the king. your name is jimmy. >> jimmy: my name's james. >> that's your real name? >> jimmy: yes. >> i didn't know that. >> jimmy: i feel like you're mad at me now. >> looks line somebody about to get their credit checked. >> jimmy: i propose a toast to
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james. >> yes, to james. >> jimmy: the king. >> toast. you know what else is really good about white people? >> jimmy: what? >> inheritances. a lot of them got inheritances. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. you got a inheritance, don't you? >> jimmy: i don't know if my dad's leaving me anything. >> i bet y'all don't have to do fish fries and car washes to bury a family member. >> jimmy: no, yeah, you're right, probably not in our house. >> i don't think y'all would have it. >> dicky: ciroc peach. the answer to all of life's ridiculous questions. at at&t innovations, we give you more for your thing. here were adding tv and movies from our unlimited plan to the powerful new samsung galaxy note9... ...the perfect device for entertainment & productivity. so, it's essentially the ed helms of devices? how so? well he's both very entertaining and very productive. you think? yeah, i do. and that's my completely unbiased opinion.
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featuring a$ap rocky. i just noticed the cover. all right. our first guest is an oscar nominated actor and survivor of the infinity war. you can hear him as the voice of another don last name duck in the season finale of "ducktales" on disney channel and disneynow, please welcome don cheadle. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. how are you? >> i'm excellent, excellent. >> jimmy: i'm very glad to see you. i offer my condolences. i saw you tweeted something about aretha franklin this morning, who you knew, a person that you knew. >> yeah, it was amazing. she -- i got this call out of the blue. i was in hawaii, i got in call on my cell phone, i didn't recognize the number. and i said hello?
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i hear, i have miss aretha franklin for don cheadle. whoa, yeah, put her through. her voice changed, "this is aretha, baby." >> jimmy: it was her. >> she did the fake voice in case she got somebody else. she'd seen the movie, she had a mild story to tell me, as everybody had stories to tell me. she was impressed by the movie and complimentary and i was knocked out. aretha franklin called me. >> jimmy: yeah, you get a phone call from aretha franklin. >> it was crazy. >> jimmy: at any point did you think, this is george clooney pretending to be aretha franklin? >> it went through my mind, it would be a clooney-esque thing to do. >> jimmy: i'm here to tell you it was george clooney. >> i knew it! >> jimmy: did you keep in touch with aretha franklin? >> yeah, we texted every once in a while. when i was in d.c. i got up there and got to see her. >> jimmy: wow, aretha franklin texted. i bet she was even good at that. >> it's funny because i tweeted out what she text, sent a picture, wow, she texts just
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like my aunty. all caps, weird symbols that don't mean anything, the whole thing. >> jimmy: i'm glad you brought up twitter. i do want to ask you about your twitter account. this is something we've discussed casually before off the air. >> yes, we have. >> jimmy: you seem to be on twitter 24 hours a day. >> no, but go ahead. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: would you give me 18? >> not a day. you've got to check the time stamps. >> jimmy: okay, all right. you are fighting with crazy people all day long. >> i don't think it's fighting. >> jimmy: it's arguing? >> i don't think it's arguing. for me it's entertainment. kind of fun. >> jimmy: you like it? that's what's going on? >> it's kind of fun to me. >> jimmy: it is fun. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: i always wonder. i see all these tweets, sometimes i click on the person -- usually they suddenly delete their account. >> yeah, they go away quick. >> jimmy: they go away, maybe change their identities, find a new line of work. >> i blame you. i think the "mean tweets" thing spawned a new movement. people come in and attack. >> jimmy: no, the mean tweets were there before we pointed them out.
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>> this is true. >> jimmy: it is interesting. you get some kind of a release from that? >> i mean -- well, that's an odd word to use. [ laughter ] but yeah. hm. no, it's funny. i mean, more often than not when people are combative on there, it's not -- they don't have a lot to say. >> jimmy: right, yeah. >> you know, a lot of thumb thugging on there, a lot of keyboard courage. >> jimmy: right, yeah, yeah. so you just go at them. i also want to ask you about your twitter bio. this is the thing you put under your twitter handle. official don cheadle aka o.g. kung fu kenny. >> that's it. >> jimmy: yeah. kung fu kenny? tell us why you're kung fu kenny. >> interesting story. i was in a movie called "rush hour 2." >> jimmy: right. [ cheers and applause ] >> i had a cameo in it. i did kung fu, i got to fight jackie chan, which was my prerequisite for being in the movie. they're like, you want to get beat up by jackie chan?
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no, no, i want to fight jackie chan, fight him to a stalemate. we fought, it was cool. and then i had wanted to cast kendrick lamar in my movie, lakeith stanfield ended up playing the part, he was great. kendrick didn't end up doing it but we stayed in touch. he invited me to coachella, to see his concert and everything, and i was in his video. and he -- so i go to coachella. he does this little movie in his performance. and it's a kung fu dude, he plays a kung fu dude like in the video. i'm like, that's kind of dope. afterwards i went home, he was kind of weird to me. i didn't know what was going on. the next day, i was on twitter, somebody wrote, o.g. kung fu kenny. i was like, is he talking about the character that i played in the movie? >> jimmy: you didn't realize? >> i texted him, wait a minute, am i o.g. kung fu kenny? he's like, yeah, dumbass. [ laughter ] that's you! >> jimmy: he had this homage to you that did not --
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>> went over my head. >> jimmy: that's when you know you made it, you have so many characters you don't know what their names are. >> or you're old. >> jimmy: there's that too. [ laughter ] did kendrick ask you to be in his video? >> yeah, that came out of the blue too. we had sort of stayed in contact when i tried to cast him. we would just text back and forth whenever. hey, man, do you want to come do this video? and i said yeah, what's the song? first it was yes. automatically. >> jimmy: right. >> and i said, what's the song? he said, i'll send it to you. just kind of have to learn the first couple of choruses. trying to learn a kendrick chorus, you know. so i said, how long do i have? he goes, couple of days, you're fine. i had two days to try to nail this kendrick lamar performance. he sent me a video of him performing it. then we just went in and kind of fooled around and had fun. >> jimmy: that must have been a lot of fun. >> yeah it was great. and he really wants to -- he just did a little thing on power. >> jimmy: i read about that. he said he was really great on it.
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>> really, really good. >> jimmy: he's unbelievably talented. to me he's the real kung fu kenny, i'll be honest with you. [ laughter ] >> okay, well, great to see you all. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll fight about it on twitter later. >> we'll kung fu later. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you were also early this summer on bear grills' show, "running wild with bear grylls." >> yeah, i did that too. >> jimmy: it's funner because he asked. >> he asked me years ago. you eat too much weird [ bleep ] on that. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> i had asked my kids, is this something i should do? which is also how i get pulled into a lot of stuff. >> jimmy: into things, yeah. >> they said, go ahead, go do it. i did it and it was bananas and we ate some wild [ bleep ] and it was fun. >> jimmy: what did you eat that was wild? >> we ate an omelette that was made from eggs that we found in a nest on top of a tree. >> jimmy: what kind of bird? >> a dead one.
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> no, i don't know if the bird was dead. but some bird that is not going to have babies because we ate its eggs. [ audience moaning ] >> jimmy: oh, like you don't eat birds' eggs. >> yeah, you don't eat eggs! >> jimmy: it's only don eating birds' eggs. what a monster, you go around eating the children of these -- >> how dare you? >> jimmy: these hard-working birds. you probably ate the twitter bird's eggs! >> i ate the twitter bird's eggs. i ate this very cute bird's eggs. [ laughter ] and laughed at it as it flew away. [ laughter ] then we also had some worms. >> jimmy: you did. >> which he put in -- he threw the eggshells in with the egg, i'm like, why? it's protein, mate. i'm like, no, that's disgusting. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: not only are you eating the bird, the bird's children, you're eating worms which are what they ate, you're eating their food source. >> it's sort of the circle of life. >> jimmy: yeah, you are like the circle of death, really, is what you are. >> the circle of death. >> jimmy: that sounds pretty good. >> spiced with bear spray.
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>> jimmy: oh. oh. the repellent? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you're not supposed to eat that. >> that's what it says on the label, but you're with bear grylls so you're going to eat whatever he says. >> jimmy: you didn't eat spice? >> it needed spice. there was worms in it. >> jimmy: did you season the omelette, basically, i guess is what this was, with bear spray? >> yeah. which is high-powered, high-intensity packed cayenne pepper. >> jimmy: oh, wow. you spray the bear spray -- the funniest thing would be if the bear starts sneaking up behind you guys. is the omelette spiced? >> oh, no! throw one of these bird's children at it! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: don cheadle is here. he's on "ducktales." i'll tell you about that when we come back. kimmeliv are brought to you by head and shoulders. promise. promise.
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can i say it? >> no. >> get a little taste? >> i wouldn't say too much. you can say as much -- hey, it's your -- >> let me say this, like every other marvel movie, it doesn't end well for the superheroes. >> that's true, in marvel it doesn't end that well, somebody always bites or gets really bad -- >> wait till you see this next one, everybody dies. >> dude! >> not everybody. no. was that -- >> whatever. >> can we edit out that part? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: mark ruffalo and don cheadle. so that interview happened before the last avengers movie came out. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: what mark did there is actually reveal the ending to the movie. >> well -- yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. so you're sitting there. did you know he was going to do that? >> of course i didn't know he was going to do that. i tried to stop him, you saw it. i wouldn't say a lot.
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>> jimmy: i think everyone thought you guys were kidding when, in fact, i guess you weren't kidding but you were kidding. >> if you listen very closely he actually started to say the absolute truth. then had to try to say everybody after he almost said half. it was like he just -- he just left the whole thing up. >> jimmy: was there any fallout? did anybody go, ho, ho, ho, ho after that? >> no, no. >> jimmy: nobody did? >> no, not -- not exactly. >> jimmy: now we'll be watch watching him closely. is he going to be allowed to do press for any future -- >> you know, he's done, he's done. [ laughter ] he can't do press for any movie because he might talk about a marvel movie, so he's just done. >> jimmy: he's done with the media. >> he's finished. >> jimmy: you are playing the voice of one of the great american institutions. >> absolutely. >> jimmy: donald duck. >> that's right. >> jimmy: in "ducktales." i've seen it, donald duck is not usually in "ducktales," right?
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>> donald duck is often -- is not often in "ducktales." but he does make a very special appearance in "ducktales." i think it's on saturday morning, everybody check out "ducktales." >> jimmy: is donald duck a voice that you do to your kids and that kind of stuff? >> it's a voice i think everybody has tried to do at one point and damaged themselves trying to do it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i remember thinking, when i was a kid, thinking my father was very talented. he had a real gift because he could do it. and i was like, oh, wow, dad does donald duck! >> that was pretty good. >> jimmy: that was really all he did, though. >> oh, that's too bad. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. he does donald duck, and he'll tell you about his knee surgery at length for hours and hours at a time. >> does he do it with pants on or off? >> jimmy: pants are always on. >> okay, that's important. >> jimmy: at a certain point you get so bored you wish the pants were off. [ laughter ] >> i'll take the pants off, dad. so no, it's interesting, i think i'm the only third person who's ever voiced donald duck, ever, in the history of the character. >> jimmy: ever in the history, that's pretty -- that's great. >> yeah it's amazing.
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>> jimmy: wow, you're the third donald duck. >> i'm the third donald duck. >> jimmy: this has been a very bird-heavy themed -- >> very bird-heavy. it is, it is. >> jimmy: it's very good to see you. >> good to see you. >> jimmy: are you going on vacation this summer, got any plans? >> no, i just got back. i've got to go to work. i have a showtime show that's going to start -- >> jimmy: i read about that, seth rogen, right? [ applause ] yeah, seth -- boy. there's no drug test or anything for that show, right? >> oh, no. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you can't drug test, no, that's not fair. >> jimmy: if you fail the drug test you're out. >> no, if you fail, you're in. >> jimmy: in, i forget which is which now. there should be a drug test for this show. >> absolutely. >> jimmy: don cheadle, everybody! he's donald duck on "ducktales" saturday morning at 9:30 a.m. on disney channel. we'll be right back. it's absolute confidence in 30,000 precision parts,
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>> dicky: it's time to find out, "what's the soup of the day?" tonight e.j.'s luncheonette in new york. pardon me, what's the soup of the day? >> gazpacho. >> dicky: soup, there it is. and that was "the soup of the day."
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>> jimmy: hi, welcome back to the show. still to come, blood orange with asap rocky.
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our next guest is a superhero, too. you know her from "x-men: first class" and the multi award-winning hbo show "big little lies." her new movie is a thriller called "kin." it opens in theatres august 31st, please welcome zoe kravitz. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how's summer going so far? >> summer's good. we've been shooting the show, "big little lies." we actually wrapped last night. >> jimmy: oh, you did last night. >> it was kind of a funny good-bye. it was like 3:00 in the morning and everyone was like, bye. >> jimmy: you can't have a party after 3:00 in the morning. >> you just want to go home. >> jimmy: meryl streep is on that show. i heard she's very good, i've not seen any of her work. [ laughter ] >> i feel she has potential. >> jimmy: is it your first time working with her? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's pretty great, right? >> surreal. >> jimmy: i would imagine it's strange. have you spent a lot of time socially with meryl and the
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gang? >> yeah, we do a lot of dinners together. >> jimmy: nice. >> we went bowling in monterey. >> jimmy: really? >> yes. >> jimmy: bowling? >> bowling. >> jimmy: are you a good bowler? >> i'm okay. i got a strike. >> jimmy: that's good. [ cheers and applause ] was it one of those slow strikes where things kind of -- >> yes, where you're like, what's going to, oh my god, yeah! >> jimmy: a strike is a strike, though. >> a strike is a strike. meryl, she's i think very dedicated to everything she does. she was really into the game and i got a strike and she turned to me and she said, you're my hero! and i know it was just bowling and i know she didn't mean it. but time slowed down. [ laughter ] and i looked deep into her eyes. and i was like, i'm your hero. and i touched her face. no. but it was a very cool moment. >> jimmy: this is something i'm sure you're very tired of talking about. you have two famous parents. >> ugh. >> jimmy: lisa bonet and lenny kravitz. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i would imagine as a
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result of that, when you're young you meet famous people who it doesn't make as much of an impact as it would on most people. because -- >> it becomes normal. >> jimmy: your parents' friends or whatever. >> yeah. >> jimmy: are there any that made a big impact on you as a young person? >> yeah. >> jimmy: who? >> prince. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: prince, that's a good one. would he come over for meals or what? what was the deal? >> no, he wasn't around that much. i just met him a few times when i was a kid. when i was quite young. then i met him again when i was like 18. >> jimmy: oh-oh. >> why'd you say oh-oh? >> jimmy: why do you think i said oh-oh? >> because i'm 18. >> jimmy: and he's prince, yeah. >> he's like, you're 18! >> jimmy: oh my god. >> it was not like that at all. i think he wanted a pal to hang out with. >> jimmy: yeah. that's how i do it. you know, my friends, when their daughters turn 18, i'm like -- [ laughter ]
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hey! it's your pal! >> i hadn't just turned 18. i was, you know -- i was fully 18. >> jimmy: you were fully 18, okay. you were in the twilight of 18. >> yeah. the dawn. >> jimmy: you were old, really. >> yes, i was, like my last year. >> jimmy: what happened? sorry, i derailed this story. >> it's gone to a weird place. >> jimmy: yes, of course. >> so -- okay, i was 18. and i was at a club. as you do when you're 18. and i was dancing. and all of a sudden i feel someone tap on my shoulder. and i turn. and you know when you don't expect to see someone in a place, you sometimes have trouble placing them? >> jimmy: yeah, processing, yeah. >> i see his face, i see someone's face. and i'm like, i know i know this person -- and i'm looking, and all of a sudden i realize. oh my god, it's prince. and he looks at me and he says, hi, zoe, been a long time, do you want to dance?
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and i'm like, yeah. okay, so we dance, we hang out. and then i said i'm going to go -- got to go home. he said, i'll give you a ride home. >> jimmy: oh, geez. [ laughter ] >> again, i just want to stress, really, he wasn't being -- it wasn't hitting on me. >> jimmy: okay. >> he was just -- he was actually making sure i got home safe. >> jimmy: okay, all right, all right. >> okay? so we go outside, gives me a ride home. he has a white stretch limousine as you do when you're prince. >> jimmy: of course, yeah, he >> plays me new music on the cd because this is back in the olden times. so he asked what i'm up to, i say i'm doing this thing, we're doing three more nights at this small theater, lower east side, nice to see you, prince, thanks for the ride home. i'm a huge prince fan so this is a very big deal in this moment. i go home, i probably cry out of happiness. then the next day i go to the show. and i'm downstairs getting ready for the show. and my phone rings. and i pick up the phone.
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it's from a blocked number. and someone says, hello, is this miss kravitz? i say yes. they say, i'm calling for prince, he'd like to know what time your show is tonight. and i'm like, what? [ laughter ] because i didn't expect him to come, i was just telling him what was going on. >> jimmy: right. >> i tell him, okay, wow, the show's at 8:00, here's where it is. the guy says, i'm going to have to come to the theater and do a security check beforehand. i say, okay, sure. and so i tell everyone else in the cast, i think prince is coming. everyone's freaking out. he comes to the show. i see him in the audience while i'm singing a song. it's terrifying. and he left a little bit early, i think to avoid people freaking out because prince is at the show. so, you know, i think that's it and that's enough, you know, that's crazy. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then so the show's over. my phone rings. and i answer the phone. and it's -- i wish i knew this guy's name, i feel bad. it's the prince guy. >> jimmy: prince's phone guy.
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>> prince's phone guy. he says, hello, miss kravitz. i'm like, yeah, hi again. he said, prince would like to know what you're doing. >> jimmy: oh, boy. [ laughter ] >> i say, oh, okay. we're at the after party for our show, and he's welcome to come, of course, and here's where it is. and he said, i'm going to have to come do a security check. and i said, okay. it's kind of just a bar, but yeah. >> jimmy: sounds like this guy just wanted to get out of the house. [ laughter ] >> this guy's like, please! so then prince comes. to the after party. and he is just -- i love prince, amazing. he's just monopolizing my time. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> he is just requiring all of my attention. >> jimmy: right. >> which, again, fine, you're prince. but i also want to hang out with my friends and people who are there. so now i'm just kind of like, oh, prince. you know. please just chill out, man. and eventually -- at one point he went to the bathroom, he asked where the bathroom was, and i show him.
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he comes back and he says, i just saw the most beautiful woman coming out of the bathroom. and i'm like, yeah, that's cool, you should go, you should talk to her. and he said, it was an amazing moment. i said, really? who is she? he said, she walked out and she looked at me and i looked at her and it was this moment, and it felt like that moment in "purple rain." have you seen "purple rain"? [ laughter ] and i'm like, yeah, prince, i've seen "purple rain." >> jimmy: he was referencing -- >> he was referencing his own show. >> jimmy: himself, yeah. >> he was. it was like that moment where we see each other and it's crazy. and so i'm like, i have to find this girl, this girl has to talk to prince so prince will leave me alone. i find the girl. i have a friend that knows the girl. i end up, prince, this is this girl. i think they ended up really hitting it off. i think they even left. >> jimmy: of course they did, of course they did. i'm like, finally prince is gone. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. see, even prince can be an
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annoying uncle. >> real annoying. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: god rest his soul. >> but only in that moment. and i love prince. just to be very clear. >> jimmy: well, yeah, obviously he loved you too. it's great to see. the movie is called "kin." it opens in theaters august 31st. zoe kravitz everyone! [ cheers and applause ] thank you, zoe. be right back with blood orange and asap rocky! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
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in disneyland and disney california adventure parks! >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i want to thank don cheadle, zoe kravitz, tiffany haddish. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. he will be rescheduled. his album is called "negro swan" here with the song "chewing gum" with some help from a$ap rocky, blood orange! ♪ ♪
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♪ looking for the jump tell me what you want from me tell me what ♪ ♪ you want from me looking for the jump for the jump tell me what ♪ ♪ you want from me looking for the jump for the jump tell me what ♪ ♪ you want from me switching up your style ♪ ♪ but you've waited too long finally hits you now but it's wrong pacing yourself and ♪ ♪ wasting yourself in the name of truth but what's true brother
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baby we've ♪ ♪ seen it all and we're tired so what you want from me looking for the jumpe ♪ ♪ tell me what you want from me tell me what you want from me ♪ ♪ tell me what you want from me tell me what you want from me ♪ ♪ switching up your style but you've waited too long ♪ ♪ finally hits you now it's wrong ♪ ♪ probably we've seen it all and we're tired ♪ ♪ so what you want from me
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♪ tell me what you want from me baby ♪ ♪ tell me what you want from me ♪ ♪ tell me what you want from me ♪ ♪ tell me what you want from me ♪ ♪ looking for the jump for the jump ♪ ♪ word a mile tony told me that this word is out ♪ ♪ selfish with that whip it like a smile ♪ ♪ peppermint doublemint spearmint take a wish ♪ ♪ she take a chick take it right on the hand when the light says it's true oh ♪ ♪ relatives elementals detrimental it's relevance ♪ ♪ she the type of quick to get right on the truth right with it ♪ ♪ back and forth wall to wall use the draws knows the draws ♪
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♪ never all never god never all ♪ ♪ shout-out my ex though ♪ she had a mesh shirt i turn it into a stretch shirt ♪ ♪ she f with her too i f with her too ♪ ♪ you know where you're going like ♪ ♪ ♪
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this is "nightline." >> tonight, no joke. comedian louis ck's surprise appearance at a comedy club just months after admitting to allegations of sexual misconduct. >> there is no greater threat to women than men. we're the number one threat to women. >> igniting a firestorm. >> he does not have the right did make those jokes anymore. >> in the era of the "me too" movement, why some say it's too soon. i've got an idea of a song in my head. >> an intimate look at musical mastermind ed sheeran as he created hits such as "the shape of you." ♪ i'm in love with your body >> tonight the british pop star is thinking out loud. >> the best songs are the most truthful and honest songs

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