tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC September 5, 2018 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
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silverman. >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, sarah silverman, dave matthews, and music from dave matthews band. and now, hold on tight, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you. thank you for watching and for coming. thanks for everything. i'm glad you're feeling positive. because what a day it was today.
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yet another -- we keep saying unprecedented. but another unprecedented day of tumult and infighting in the wild, wild west wing where team trump is absolutely reeling from the aftershocks of a brutal bombshell from within their ranks. the failing "new york times" today published an anonymous op-ed written by a current senior member of trump's administration. it is a scorching editorial. you want to hear some of it? >> yes! >> jimmy: wow. this was written by a senior staffer who currently works for the president of the united states. i am part of the resistance inside the trump administration. i work for the president but colleagues and i have vowed to thwart parts of his agenda and his worst inclinations. the dilemma which he does not fully grasp isful the senior officials in his own administration are working diligently from within to frustrate parts of his agenda and his worst inclinations. i would know, i am one of them.
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[ cheers and applause ] remember in the horror movies in the '80s, the call is coming from inside the white house! [ laughter ] we believe our first duty is to this country and the president continues to act in a manner that is detrimental to the health of our republic. that is why many trump appointees have vowed to do what we can to preserve our democratic institutions while thwarting mr. trump's more misdivided impulses until he is out of office. the root of the problem is the president's amorality. meetings with him veer off-topic and off the rails. he engages in repetitive rants. his impulsiveness results in half-baked, ill-informed, occasionally reckless decisions that have to be walked back. it may be cold comfort in this chaotic era but americans should know there are adults in the room. we fully recognize what is happening and we are trying to do what's right even when donald trump won't. given the instability maniness abouted, there were early whispers in the cabinet of
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invoking the 25th amendment. that's the "you're out of here" amendment. which would start a economics office for removing the president but no one wanted to precipitate a constitutional crisis so we will do what we can to steer the administration in the right direction until one way or the other it's over. and that is something. [ cheers and applause ] i mean, that is -- really remarkable. i have to say i'm surprised by how good a writer ivanka is. [ laughter ] i never would have guessed. of course there's a lot of speculation now about who wrote this. and this to me is the most interesting theory. somebody online noticed an unusual word in the op-ed. the word was "lodestar." we may no longer have senator mccain but we will always have his example, a lodestar for restoring honor to public life. that's not a common word, lodestar, not a lot of people use that word. you know who does use that word? this guy. >> it really was the lodestar.
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that's going to continue to be a lodestar. as our lodestar. you are a lodestar. lodestar. >> jimmy: that's right. vice president michael elizabeth pence -- [ laughter ] uses the word "lodestar" like it's -- [ cheers and applause ] wouldn't that be something if it was mike pence? trump just announced that the space force's first mission is to locate and destroy the lodestar, whatever that may be. [ laughter ] and this is going to drive trump absolutely nuts. can you imagine what it must be like to have a job at which almost everyone who works for you thinks you're a complete idiot? i can't. i'll tell you something, it's no fun at all. [ laughter ] so this op-ed comes at a time when the president's minions are pushing back against a new book. yesterday's news, a book by pulitzer prize-winning bob woodward who interviews dozens of trump staffers, hundreds of hours of tape. the president weighed in with his thoughts on this upcoming
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publication. >> the book means nothing. it's a work of fiction. the book is a work of fiction. the book is a work of fiction. the book is fiction. the book is total fiction. it's just more fiction. the book is total fiction. >> jimmy: yeah, he tweeted about it too. he's doing a really good job of plugging this book he thinks is total fiction. he wrote, isn't it a shame someone can write an article or book, totally make up stories, and form a picture of a person that is literally the exact opposite of the fact, and get away with it without retribution or cost? don't know why washington politicians don't change libel laws. and he's right, it is a shame. that would be like someone knowingly and falsely claiming the first african-american president was born in kenya and was not an american, you know? [ applause ] meanwhile trump also denies a claim in the book that he called attorney general jeff sessions mentally retarded. he tweeted that he's never called anyone, he's never used that term. and of course somebody immediately found tapes of him calling two different people
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mentally retarded. has the president ever had to deny calling someone mentally retarded before? guillermo, can you help me with that little fact? >> guillermo: yeah, sure. >> jimmy: okay, thank you. [ laughter ] and on top of all of this, yesterday as this wood word expose excerpts were released, this is real. lightning. lightning struck the white house. remember a few months ago when a sinkhole opened on the white house lawn? now it's being hit by lightning. how many more signs from god does congress need? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] what are they holding out for? frogs? i like to think that lightning came from john mccain up above. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] also today on capitol hill the senate intelligence committee met with some of the top media executives to talk about russian propaganda and other disinformation that has been
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spread online. so jack dorsey, who's the ceo of twitter, made an interesting choice. from a fashion stand point he decided to keep the nose ring in. normally when a guy shows up to congress with a nose wing he's there to sell bernie sanders weed. [ laughter ] in this case he was there to testify. i'm not sure our senators fully understand social media. most of them just want to know why their grandchildren won't accept their friend requests. [ laughter ] one of them did seem to be up on what's going on. >> i'll call the jury back to order. chair would recognize senator heinrich for questions. >> thank you, mr. chairman. i know i have limited time. so i'll get right to my questions. kiki, do you love me? are you writing? >> i don't have that specific answer. but we can come back to you with that. >> say you'll never, ever leave from beside me. >> again, we don't know, i can follow up with the answer to that. ♪ cause i want yeah and i need you and i'm down for you
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always ♪ i hereby yield the rest of my time. laugh. >> jimmy: i guess that's over. [ applause ] in other social media news, merriam-webster, who's i think the lady who writes the dictionary, just added 840 new words to the dictionary. unfollow, hangry, guac. as in, you should immediately unfollow anyone who says they're hangry for guac. they added the word instagram and say it is appropriate to use instagram as a verb. you wanna instagram? here's the official definition courtesy of merriam-webster. instagram, to publish within an app a photograph typically of one's pancakes, vacation, gym routine, or feet, with the intention of receiving validation from perverts and teens. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] so i've been using it right. oh, now -- it's time now for something educational. last night on the show i
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mentioned we have a new bachelor here at abc. his name is colten yurchd wood, former nfl player. he was on "the bachelorette." becca did not choose him. he also happens to be a virgin. he's a 26-year-old virgin. guillermo, how old were you when you lost your virginity? >> guillermo: 14. >> jimmy: 14 years old. [ cheers and applause ] when you have a body like that, you don't wait until you're 18. [ laughter ] you use it. anyway, i wanted to help colton. he's never done it. and i have, a lot, i'm really good at it, actually. [ laughter ] so before he winds up in some kind of difficult situation in the fantasy suite, i thought it would be wise to sit colton down to teach him an important thing that an adult needs to know. colton, come here. you sit right there. and i'll sit right here. how are you? >> i'm good, how are you doing? >> jimmy: i'm doing well.
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congratulations on being the bachelor. >> thank you. >> jimmy: big accomplishment. this time it's a little bit different, isn't it? because you are a virgin? >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: what does that mean, exactly? >> i mean -- i don't know, i think -- >> jimmy: that's why i'm here. because you don't know. [ laughter ] has anyone ever explained the birds and bees to you, sat you down? >> i have never had that talk in my life. >> jimmy: do you know where babies come from? >> i have an idea. >> jimmy: tell me what your idea is. >> you know, i think when a man loves a woman, then they go into the bedroom -- >> jimmy: doesn't have to be the bedroom. it could be the car. could be an elevator. could be the fantasy suite. >> oh. >> jimmy: my wife's parents conceived her on the kitchen table. [ laughter ] >> magic anywhere? >> jimmy: magic can happen anywhere, yeah. >> gotcha. >> jimmy: is this something that you're waiting to be married for? >> no, i'm just waiting for the right person, the right heart.
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and -- i don't know, i hold a lot of value into it. >> jimmy: i admire that. i think that's great. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's totally weird but it's nice. [ laughter ] so what basis -- do you know the -- >> yeah, yeah, yeah. i was like -- i think third. >> jimmy: third base. >> that's right. >> jimmy: what do you think third base represents? >> everybody but like the final product. >> jimmy: you're like halfway down the line. i would imagine pretty anxious for that single maybe to right field so you can -- >> just get home. >> jimmy: so you can score yeah. >> right, right. >> jimmy: let me get some visual aids that i think will help here. okay. now. this is -- [ laughter ] you know which part is the penis? >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: you want to touch it? >> i'm good. >> jimmy: okay. this is the penis. this is one of the testicles. the other is tucked in behind. i don't know what this is and i don't know exactly what's going on here.
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[ laughter ] when a man is with someone to whom he's attracted, the penis with fill with some kind of a cement-like -- [ laughter ] >> boner. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you get a boner. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i've been there, done that. >> jimmy: you have. do you have a boner right now? >> no. >> jimmy: you don't. >> no. >> jimmy: maybe halfway. anyway, when you get a boner, as you say, the penis goes up. and then you insert that boner into this. >> wow. >> jimmy: which is upside down, i think. [ laughter ] >> that's a weird view compared to that one. >> jimmy: it is weird but they go together. i mean, they're like -- what happens here is -- [ laughter ] this, the penis, goes into -- >> that. >> jimmy: what they call the
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vir-gina. [ laughter ] at a certain moment, sperm comes out of -- >> yeah, yeah, i remember -- health class, yeah. >> jimmy: you've had this, okay. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that fertilizes -- i think these might be -- i don't know what these are, i think they might be eggs or ovaries. it fertilizes something in there. you know what i mean by fertilize? >> yeah, yeah. they swim up into the -- into the eggs. >> jimmy: they do? >> i think. >> jimmy: oh. and the egg becomes what they call a baby omelette. and it forms a human being. that human being comes out. and it wakes you up really early every single morning. sometimes many times in the middle of the night. so you have to be careful and wear protection. you wear protection? >> i mean, i haven't had to. >> jimmy: you haven't had to. >> no. >> jimmy: do you know about protection? >> yeah, we -- in health class they put a condom on a banana once.
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>> jimmy: also you can sometimes put that condom on your penis. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: when you're in the fantasy suite, some of these women are going to be aggressive with you. >> how aggressive are we talking? >> jimmy: i don't know, some of them are crazy. like they'll put like four borderline insane contestants on the show. >> may i -- i see what you mean, you know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: you say you're looking for the right person. what if you find a few right people? >> then it could happen a few times. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's just recap if we can. >> okay, let's do this. >> jimmy: what is sex? how do you do it? >> sex is when you get a boner and you put it into the vir-gina. [ laughter ] >> think you're going to be just fine. >> yes, thank you. >> jimmy: you're welcome. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and you're welcome. it's going to be an amazing journey. tonight on the show, dave matthews and his band are here. and we'll be right back with sarah silverman! does this map show the
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visit right now or call during business hours. >> jimmy: hi everyone, welcome back. tonight from the mercedes-benz outdoor stage the dave matthews band is here. wheel chat with dave. this is their album, it's called "come tomorrow." and come tomorrow jim carrey and andy cohen will join us, we'll have music from nathaniel rateliff and the night sweats. and on friday we are new with terry bradshaw, shannon purser, and music from dreamers. so please join us for all of that. our first guest is a two-time emmy winner and current emmy nominee with new episodes of her political/comedy/sketch/talk show called "i love you, america."
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it premieres tomorrow on hulu, please welcome sarah silverman. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you're still here. don't forget guillermo. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how's it going? >> good. i'm not wearing span x so i have to suck if my own stomach. >> jimmy: do you usually wear spanx? >> no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: your dad's here. i was talking to your dad and your stepmom janice. your dad donal -- >> remember when my mom was here and you sat her there and the band was playing and she's like, ugh, it's too loud! >> jimmy: i looked out in the audience and your mother had a grimace on her face and both fingers like halfway through her brain, yeah. >> no decorum. well, she's dead now so you got
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your wish. >> jimmy: you're very sick. [ laughter ] your dad is alive. i saw something -- >> for now. >> jimmy: -- on your instagram the other day. are they vacationing? are they here for the whole summer? what's the deal? >> no, they come for the whole summer. i put them up at -- i shouldn't say where. >> jimmy: no, you should not say where. >> stalkers. >> jimmy: you rent a place for them? >> yeah. >> jimmy: when we were together, you would have stayed with me. >> that's true. >> jimmy: anyway. [ laughter ] >> i don't have a house! i have a little apartment. >> jimmy: yeah, but there's a guest room in the apartment, right? >> no, there's a room for my other stuff. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's probably better. they probably want their own privacy -- >> they like their own bathroom. they want to go to the hallway, get a bucket of ice. [ laughter ] sorry, let's move on, let's move on. >> jimmy: no, no, this is fun. so this is a photo of your dad with a tricycle. >> that's his tricycle. i couldn't get him -- he's
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getting older. you know his feet are deformed. he shuffled around. he can't keep up. >> jimmy: he's right there, by the way. [ laughter ] he's hearing all of this. donald, right, you hear this, right? no, he doesn't hear. >> no, he can't hear anything. [ laughter ] you won't get a rascal or any of those old people thing realize are i go, i'll get him one of those grown man tricycles. he loves it. >> yeah. i would like one of these oons. >> this is his new one, it's electric. >> jimmy: what happened to the old one? >> well, hold on. the old one got stolen. >> jimmy: okay. >> and i had already ordered the new one. the electric one. which he wanted. >> jimmy: so it was okay that it was stolen? >> i was glad it was stolen, because every day he was pushing that heavy bike up a hill. and he's going to die. and it will be my fault. all right. so he -- so his bike got stolen. how about this. even with the biggest font i can't see a thing.
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>> jimmy: well, we're really getting old, yeah. >> oh, are we? [ laughter ] all right. so he sent me this e-mail. you know, i'm not good at accents but i can kind of do his accent, i think it adds to it. fate took over today. dy set this up? his bike gets -- >> jimmy: bike got stolen. >> fate took over today. when i arrived for brunch with you at the farmers' market there were no spaces at the bike rack. so i locked my trike around a short post in front of starbucks. a short post. like with no -- [ laughter ] two hours later, the bike was gone. whoever stole it had to lift it over the post. not an easy task. no, it's an easy task for like a regular person. [ laughter ] you're 81, that seems like amazing to you, okay.
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the lock was a heavy chain. and the criminal will forever drive my tricycle with the lock on it. so be on the lookout for a bike with a lock on it. [ laughter and applause ] not done. be on the lookout for a bike with a lock on it? how about be on the lookout for a grownup-size tricycle with a basket that he decorated himself? really. i hope whoever stole it needs a bike and will get lots of use with it. aww, that's so him. no rush on the electric bike, i'll just stay home, depressed, until it comes. [ laughter ] hopefully it will be before we head back to florida where old people go to die. [ laughter ] love, dad. >> jimmy: well done. [ cheers and applause ] and he got the bike.
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what's going on with you dating-wise? are you dating anyone? >> what's going on with me dating-wise? i'm waiting for this tryst with you to be over. i mean, okay, mollie's cute, she's great, she's funny, she's blond, whatever. but come on. >> jimmy: i have bad news, we've been married for five years. >> yeah, you've got the kids, you've got the marriage. i mean, all right, work it through. [ laughter ] you think she's going to wipe your ass when you're old? >> jimmy: i don't do it now, so why would she? [ laughter ] >> it's not fair. she gets like new woke jimmy. i had "man show" jimmy. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it was a different time, it was a different time. i woke up because somebody kept putting pot in my brownies is what happened. [ laughter ] so i don't want to make you
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uncomfortable. but i do want to -- >> that's our comfort zone. >> jimmy: that is our comfort zone. >> awkward is our comfort zone. >> jimmy: that's true. do you have a boyfriend currently? a man friend i should say? >> no, i'm waiting for you. no. i don't. i was with michael. >> jimmy: michael sheen, yes, the actor. >> we broke up over christmas. >> jimmy: what happened? >> well, as you know, he moved back to the uk. and his life is really there, and my life is really not there. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> but i love him to pieces. >> jimmy: okay. >> if he's in town and we're both single, we will make love. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, okay. but he dated someone for a beat. and during that time when he was in town we hung out and we just bro, we were just bros. i'm good at separating that. >> jimmy: yeah, right, yeah. >> i just like -- i can't even imagine you as a sexual being anymore. >> jimmy: really? >> no. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you don't have to make the yuck face. [ laughter ] >> no, i really, really thought
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about it. i went like this. [ laughter ] you're handsome. >> jimmy: oh, thank you. >> you look gorgeous, you look like a model. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> doing your beard on what a 2? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we have the same setting. it's one of the things we had in common. sarah silverman is here. it's because i get to decide when we go to commercial. "i love you america" on hulu. we'll be right back with sarah after this. are finding themselves in a chevy for the first time.e you can too during the chevy labor day sales event. now through september 10th, use labor day cash to get almost $5,000 below msrp on this 2018 equinox lt when you finance with gm financial. this labor day, discover why chevy is the most awarded and fastest growing brand the last four years overall. find new roads at your local chevy dealer.
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that's why you can't pinpoint the moment america went wrong because it was never right. it was founded by [ bleep ]. we've always been run by [ bleep ]. >> don't say that, sarah. just because i was assassinated -- >> i was also assassinated. by the second gunman on the grassy knoll. >> confirmation. >> guys, i was assassinated too. >> no one cares, garfield! >> you bearded hippie bitch! >> i hate mondays. laugh li >> jimmy: your show is nominated for an emmy. >> as is yours, congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: is that exciting for you? are you kind of whatever about it? >> no, excited.
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>> very exciting? yeah? >> especially i'm on this little niche -- neesh or nich? >> jimmy: great question. i think it's neesh. but people say nich a lot. >> it's a little niche. that means a lot. how lieu's like, oh, you're really something. >> jimmy: i see, it means something to them. do they let you do anything you want on the show? >> anything. that was the cleanest clip we could think of to give your show. even you can't say [ bleep ], right? >> jimmy: well, i don't know, i guess -- >> no, but they say [ bleep ] on "suits." >> jimmy: on "suits"? >> yeah, you should be able to say whatever "suits" say. >> jimmy: are you watching "suits" now? >> i'm watching everything. >> jimmy: wow, wow. >> i brought you a special guest. >> jimmy: is he from "suits"? >> he's not from "suits." >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> but he's somebody you don't know. >> jimmy: great. >> but he has been very, very
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affected by you. and i thought it would be special to bring him out here so he could tell you himself. thomas? >> jimmy: okay. >> where's thomas? yes. >> jimmy: oh, hey. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, thomas, how are you doing? >> thomas, just tell jimmy how he affected your life, don't be shy. >> yeah. well, about five years ago my parents had told me that they'd eaten all my halloween candy. [ laughter ] i was devastated. like any other kid, i'd waited for this one night, you know. all year. 7 years old when it happened. now i don't know what i am. i'm a broken person. i have trust issues. >> jimmy: because of me? >> yes. i don't even know who i am anymore. my mom doesn't even know who i
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am anymore! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well -- >> no, no, no. no, no, no. so mom, guess what? i don't even know who you are anymore. >> jimmy: well, i'm sorry to hear this. i don't know that it's necessarily appropriate for -- >> you know what? screw you. i can't go into a cvs without wanting to throw up, candy makes me physically ill. [ laughter ] you know what happens when i go to the concession stand at the movies? >> jimmy: i have no idea. >> i vomit. okay, i vomit everywhere. snow caps. raisinettes. you name it, i vomit. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i never intended any of that to be the case -- >> it's okay, don't worry. my parents were on tv so it was all worth it. [ laughter ] you know what, [ bleep ] kimmel? you started me out with a snickers bar. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well. >> great kid, great kid. >> jimmy: yeah. well, that was nice, thank you for that. [ laughter ]
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sarah silverman, new episodes of "i love you, america" tomorrow on hulu. we'll be right back! n you sign ? i'd be glad to. [laughing] ♪ from the fist of a legend rises a new action star. a hero, who's there to save the day...and the night. so fearless, so rugged... he's tough as chuck. you replaced me with a truck? vroom, vroom. ♪ toyota. let's go places. hey, what do you guys wanna listen to? ooh, hip-hop! reggaeton. edm. what about bubble trance? bubble what? bubble trance. it's a thing. (man) oh. my point is, everyone's got different taste. that's why verizon lets you mix and match your family unlimited plan so everyone gets the plan they want, without paying for things they don't. and right now, the whole family can get six months of free apple music on verizon. oh. so let's play that reggaeton. old school reggaeton, not the new stuff.
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>> jimmy: hi there, we're back. our next guest is a two-time grammy award winner and full-time dave with a beloved rock and roll band that bears his name. their newest album is called "come tomorrow," please welcome dave matthews. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? it's great to have you here, i'm excited to have you here. i know you're at the end of the summer tour is coming to an end here? >> yeah we've had a good summer. but you know, it feels too short. >> jimmy: does it feel too short? >> doesn't summer always feel too short? >> jimmy: yes. >> unless you live in florida. i don't know. i'm excited to be here. i'm a little bit too excited, sort of. >> jimmy: are you? in what way? >> also i -- one time i walked into a bar, a hotel lobby bar in new york. and i saw sarah silverman. then i just ran up to her and hugged her.
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what a -- what a super creepy dude. she didn't even have time to defend herself. >> jimmy: did you give her a moment to identify you? >> no. i think i cornered her or something. it wasn't violent, just maybe surprises. she was like, oh! and that was the correct position. >> jimmy: that's how it goes. >> anyways. >> jimmy: are you a hugger in general? >> i think i'm less of a hugger now, unless it's sarah silverman. >> jimmy: i see, i see. >> i'm a bit huggy. but i'm not -- you know. >> jimmy: you're not overly huggy, you're not huggy in a sexy kind of way? >> no, i'm trying to slow it down. because, you know. i feel like at 50, which is awhile ago. [ laughter ] but at 50, i just needed to just slow down. >> jimmy: yes. >> with the hugging. >> jimmy: with the hugging specifically? see, i feel the opposite way. i was never much of a hugger, now i feel maybe i should give people a hug why just literally slow it down a little.
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my hugs -- i've been mopped for my hugs they're so bad. i just reach over like this and it's like a nothing hug, you know? [ applause ] >> i felt pretty good about that. just because it was you more than anything. a fame thing. >> jimmy: you mentioned that -- you're working here all summer, then you're disappointed it's over. why don't you just keep touring all year round? [ cheers and applause ] >> yes. that ship has sailed. [ laughter ] no, but i also -- i do -- i also like going home. >> jimmy: uh-huh, right. >> so there's that as well. >> jimmy: that's good, yeah. [ laughter ] >> but, you know. i -- i -- it is -- the band has been feeling so good this summer. >> jimmy: do you get better and better as the summer goes along? >> this summer we are. >> jimmy: yeah. >> this is a good year. >> jimmy: that's good. >> i feel like -- i mean, i'm not sure because i'm not always facing carter who's ballistic. but this year when i turn around, he almost looks as happy as i look.
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i feel like we're all just, what, what, what, what? it's great, it's been great. >> jimmy: i have serious questions for you. they don't require comical answers. now one thing that i think is great is that you guys do a different set every single night. [ cheers and applause ] i've heard a lot of bands get into -- they have a formula for the tour and they stick to the formula. i feel like you can sense that even if you haven't been to every single show. who decides what the set's going to be? >> well, i -- so i sit down like an hour or two before the show. >> jimmy: okay. you write -- >> write down a set. >> jimmy: you have a big list or going strictly from memory? >> no, it's not like i've got to have a list. i try and get more information than i need. >> jimmy: right. >> and i try and construct a set that would be amusing. you know. >> jimmy: do you take -- >> doing two nights in the same place and i'll say, okay, i got to spread out, got to think about it. three nights, ha, now this is a puzzle. [ laughter ] and if it's just one night,
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whoop de do. i try and make it interesting. ta-da! then i send it to carter and stefan and the guys. >> jimmy: and they look at it? >> they look at it and no, no. no, they don't do that. >> jimmy: do they pretty much go with what you're -- i'd like to do this one -- >> no, they definitely say, i don't feel like i want to do that. i say, fine. it depends on the set i write. >> jimmy: when the people in the audience start screaming "crash" or whatever do you, do you take that into account? or do you ever take requests when they're yelled out by the people? >> never. [ laughter ] i might change a set because i'm paranoid or i don't think things are going right, can't we play something else? my voice, you know. then the guys are like, whatever, dude. >> jimmy: yeah, sure, it's your deal. >> whatever, relax, don't be so
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uptight. but if someone's waving a sign in front of me? and i notice it's also, in the center, lucky you? the radio station where they think you're playing requests and you're playing the song anyway. >> i'm not interested. look at all the requests! i don't care. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: a lot of your songs -- as you know, a lot of the songs have numbers, or i guess it is a title, the title is the number. but at what point do you go, i just can't come up with a title for this song? i'm going to just give it a number instead? >> yeah, that's like -- i think -- well, i don't know why that happens. and then, you know, the song -- people like a song -- i don't know why. >> jimmy: is it in lieu? >> no, in lieu of a name? >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah, there's a song that we have -- i don't know if i'm going to answer your question. called "samurai cop." which is out. and that is another example of a name -- it doesn't have anything
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to do with the song at all. >> jimmy: right. >> neither does the song, there's a song that's number 27. i don't know why it's called that. >> jimmy: it's not the 27th song -- >> no. it's like 79th. but 27 sounds cool. >> jimmy: so you're telling me there's really no rhyme or reason to your life whatsoever. >> yeah. at least, you know, like sometimes -- i understand why there's -- we have a song called "number 41." [ cheers ] >> jimmy: so funny, like a chinese menu. >> exactly. "i'll take the 41 and the 27." no, i'm not going to serve you that one. but -- and i don't know why 41 is named that. but i do think someone's going to look -- when i think about the lyrics i think, maybe it's called that because i don't know what the hell it's about. >> jimmy: interesting. >> that's possible. i've got to call it something. >> jimmy: songs that you don't even know what those songs are about. >> most of them. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: interesting. so every song on this album has
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got a full title with words and all of that stuff. you're going to play some of these for us outside. dave matthews band is here. that's "come tomorrow." [ cheers and applause ] and we'll be right back with dave and his band! >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
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you have start the fire ooh reignite my soul ♪ ♪ with your poison sting is deep and true i'd do anything your sweet perfume ♪ ♪ you bleed 'til the well is overflow you're my gold my hunger where you go i will follow ♪ ♪ sweet poison sting i see the light i see everything in you tonight ♪ ♪ i breathe in and out here we go over and again and again and the love you ♪
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♪ give to me mama i'm gonna give it back to you all the stars ♪ ♪ in the sky so beautiful in your eyes shine ♪ ♪ shine reaching out reachin' out for you just to kiss your mouth wanna turn you inside out ♪ ♪ is there such a thing as you do to me sweet poison sting let me see ♪ ♪ i'll be your king 'cause you are my queen in and out here we go over and again and again ♪ ♪ all of the love you give to me
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♪ turn around here we go over and again and again all of the love you give to me ♪ ♪ mama gonna give it back to you and the love i'm gonna give ♪ ♪ it back to you and the love mama i'm gonna give it back to you ♪ ♪ and the love i'm gonna give it back to you and the love ♪ ♪ oh oh oh oh oh mama i'm gonna give it back ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] this is "nightline." >> tonight, fighting for kayden. adorable 7-year-old caught in a railing custody battle. >> do you feel like your daughter's death was preventible? >> absolutely. >> murdered by a father with a violent past. why her mother says the system let her down. >> you weren't just taking one person. listen to me. gwyneth's goop glitch. >> a glend of eastern and western medicine. >> the glamor of gwyneth paltrow's life. >> women insert the jade egg in their lady parties -- >> why her lifestyle company famous for
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