tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC October 24, 2018 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
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for sandhya patel and larry beil, all of us. thanks for being here. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- carey mulligan. kevin nealon. and music from lukas graham. and now, stay put, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. thank you for joining us on a night of base and powerball. the world series, the dodgers are in boston playing the red
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sox. red sox won game one. tonight was game two. i guess they're going in numerical order this year. [ laughter ] but going in, the red sox were favored to win the series. now they're even more so. i will say this. some of myost obnoxious friends are from boston. so i know from experience, let's just say they're passionate. dicky, would that be a good way to describe you people? >> dicky: did you say passionate? yes, exactly. >> jimmy: passionate. the l.a./boston rivalry is a thing mostly because of lakers/celtics. but this is baseball. a new chapter. not only is boston anti our team, they're attacking our neighborhood. >> tonight's an then bomber likely wouldn't turn heads on sunset boulevard. but make it for someone who's been there, sunset boulevard and hollywood in general are dumps. check out the cigarette butt in eddie murphy's footprint. celebrity edge to l.a., but hollow victory. >> jimmy: what the hell that is? [ laughter ] not that i'm looking to add fuel
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to the fire, but if you're going to insult hollywood, you could find worse things than a cigarette butt on eddie murphy's star. we have crackhead clowns making balloon animals out there. we've got spidermen with hyperdermic needles sticking out of their tights. you've got to work harder than that. i assume the fact that you are here with us means you did not win the lottery last night? the mega millions jackpot was $sun.we can billion. the single ticket was sold in south carolina. south carolina is one of the handful of states where the lottery winner is allowed to remain anonymous, or as anonymous as you can be when you have a fleet of gold jet skis on your own. state lottery officials urged the winner to take a deep breath and enjoy the moment, before every person you've ever met is begging you for money, every cousin you never knew you had -- >> hey, jimmy.
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>> jimmy: our former lighting guy. tommy, what are you doing back? >> i want to apologize for what i said last night. >> jimmy: when you quit because you thought you were going to win the mega millions lottery? >> right, didn't really pan out. >> jimmy: you told me my beard maked me look like i lived under the 405? >> yeah i'm really sorry about that. >> jimmy: you said i could take the job and shove it up guillermo's -- >> yeah, yeah, sorry about that, i apologize. >> jimmy: now i assume based on this that you want your job back? >> my wife would really appreciate it, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, i figure your wife probably has enough problems, so you can have your job back, all right? [ cheers and applause ] >> she has so many problems. thank you, jimmy. thank you so much. >> jimmy: all right, great. >> thank you. i love you, man. he's the best, he's the best, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: for everyone who did not win mega millions, we had a
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powerball worth over $620 million -- >> whoa, whoa, whoa. what? there's a powerball lottery? >> jimmy: yeah. >> $620 million? >> jimmy: yeah. over that, yes. >> huh! huh! you can kiss my powerball, bitch, yeah! i quit, man. i quit this [ bleep ] job and i'm moving right to orlando, florida! i am done. i'm rich, whoo, yeah! see ya! you can suck it too! all right! i'm the winner, i win! >> jimmy: i think you're right, guillermo. all right. [ applause ] sometimes we like to put on a little play, you know? today was a busy day for our nation's law enforcement. especially in washington, d.c. and new york. ere mailed of suspiousurne o t intons, various prominent democrats. and also to the headquarters of cnn. cnn had to evacuate their
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building in new york and do their shows from the street today. the president for once said the right thing in response. he said, we have to come together and send one very clear, strong, unmistake message that threats or acts of political violence have no place in the united states of america, except for at all of my rallies, every time. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] but it's a start. oh this rally he had tonight. no one was hurt, fortunately. but the attempts will be called an act of terror. i know the type of people who do this sort of thing are nuts so it's hard to figure out what they're thinking. what is the point of sending a bomb through the post office? do they really think hillary clinton and barack obama get their own mail? do they think bill clinton is shuffling down the driveway to the fair box in fuzzy slippers picking through the bed, bath & beyond coupons? i find that scenario unlikely. and while things are very pleas, president trump says there's a good chance the space force could be up and running sometime next year.
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[ cheers and applause ] that's right, if all goes according to plan, donald trump will have created the first-ever branch of the military that is completely imaginary. [ laughter ] the space force is expected to cost many billions of dollars. but don't worry about that trump has a plan to make the vulcans pay for it and that should be fine. [ laughter ] donald trump loves to talk about this space force. it's almost as if when he says space force, he's waiting for us to laugh. >> space force. the space force! the space force, right? space force. the space force. the space force. very serious stuff. the space force. space. very important. the space force! building the space force.
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>> jimmy: i'm convinced this whole thing with the space force is a prank he's playing on mike pence. i feel like he told mike pence, your job from now on is to get out there and get people excited about the space force. >> our nation's armed forces have always been the vanguard of advancing american leadership. beyond the bounds of earth, space force will ensure a new era of american supremacy in space. >> jimmy: then trump's in his office laughing his ass off. [ laughter ] or here's another theory. mike pence is an i'll yep. alien. and the space force is the only chance he has to get back home. [ laughter ] think about it. [ applause ] hey, this is a great video. this is from lewis couldn't court in washington state. two prisoners decided, let's r f .the judge strips off his and chases after them. they go out through the lobby. one guy lost a shoe.
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now here comes the judge. then they -- oh, again, they fall. down the stairs. one of them is handcuffed but barefoot. and towards the door. they would have gotten away if it wasn't for those damn orange crocs. then you see the judge grab the guy. i have to say, this is better than any movie i've seen this year. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and i've seen a lot. camera work, incredible. i've seen a lot of police chase, never seen a judge chase before. that's the guy we need on the supreme court, right? [ cheers and applause ] in england, there is a logger thief on the loose. >> police appeal for a suspected thief as we see, an unexpected response with comments that the suspect looks like ross from "friends." officers have taken to facebook to urge locals to get in touch if they recognize the man in the
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picture. >> jimmy: well, that is ross from "friends." he was joined by five accomplices on a getaway couch. [ laughter ] meanwhile, halloween's a week from tonight. in case you're wondering, yes, i will be encouraging parents to pretend they ate all the candy. al wean is not all fun and games, it's important to remember that. in chesapeake, virginia, if you trick or treat after a certain age, you could wind up in jail. >> the city of chesapeake is threatening jail time for halloween troublemakers over 12 years old. the city's ordinance code states, if anyone over 12 years of age participates in trick or treat or any similar activity, he or she shall be guilty of a misdemeanor and shall be punished by a fine of not less than $25, nor more than $100, or by confinement in jail for not more than six months. >> jimmy: what? [ audience booing ] what's going on? don't get me wrong, i think trick-or-treating should be limited to little kids, not teenagers. but not with the threat of
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incarceration. seems completely nuts. so we got in touch with the chesapeake police department, and they agreed to talk about this controversial new rule there. that said, please say hello to sergeant buck depalma. hi, sergeant, how are you? [ applause ] >> hello, thanks for having me. >> jimmy: thanks for doing this. is chesapeake really going to enforce this law in locking up kids? with all due respect, this sounds excessive. >> you haven't seen what i've seen out on the streets, you soft-boiled hollywood powder puff. [ laughter ] every day i'm putting my life on the line to protect the citizens of this fine town. >> jimmy: i don't doubt that but it seems like this particular crime is pretty much victimless. >> victimless? let me ask you something, you gluten-intolerant pussywillow. do you ever wake up in a cold sweat gripped with the fear that any day could be the day your cruiser gets egged?
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>> jimmy: i -- no, i guess i haven't, but -- >> have you ever faced off with three princess elsas rampaging through a pumpkin patch jacked out of their frigging minds on pixie sticks? >> jimmy: i cannot say that i have, no. >> have you ever stared straight into the cold, dead eyes of a prepew business dent peppa pig and wondered, as this horrible creature reached for a full-sized, completely untraceable 3 musketeers bar, if you'd get home to see your family that night? >> jimmy: okay, no, i definitely haven't. have you felt those things? >> no. [ laughter ] we just like to be prepared for these things. >> jimmy: okay. >> that's why when it comes to trick-or-teening, i support life in prison. >> jimmy: life in prison? no offense, but that sounds very extreme to me. >> well, you'll thank me when you can walk the streets again without fear, you double knit [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] if you'll excuse me, i've got a
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3140 to respond to. >> jimmy: what is a 3140, by wait? >> unlicensed cotton candy vendor at the county fair. let's roll! >> jimmy: all right, go get 'em, sergeant. thank you, sergeant. wow. [ cheers and applause ] things are really getting crazy, you know? one more item of note. pbs, you know the people who make topaz? they did a survey, what is your favorite book? america's favorite novel is "to kill a mockingbird" by harper lee. that sounds like pbs what is it sounds like. i think "to kill a mockingbird" is america's favorite novel to say is their favorite novel when someone asks them, what is your favorite novel? i thought it would be fun to do a little poll of our own. we went on the street, we asked people, what is your favorite novel? that was get. what's your favorite novel? and here's what they said. >> what's your name and where
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are you from? >> matt higgins from boston, mass. >> what is your favorite novel? >> my favorite novel? no clue. no -- i don't think i've ever read a novel. >> never? >> never in my life. >> my favorite novel? uh -- let me see. i like -- like -- i don't really read that much, i guess. >> i actually don't really read books. so -- >> my favorite novel? if i read, it would probably be like "pet sematary." >> you said if you read. you saw the movie? >> i saw the book, it was this thick. >> what's your favorite novel? >> i'm being put on the spot right now. >> what's a novel? >> a book. >> right, right. so name a novel. >> the bible. [ laughter ] >> what is your favorite novel? >> my favorite novel? shoot. i'm going to have to go with --
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i can't think of any. i just got out of school right now, too. my teacher would be pissed. >> what is your favorite novel? >> "fear." >> fear? >> yeah, it's about donald trump. >> oh, oh, that's not a novel, that's nonfiction. we wish it were fiction. >> yeah. it's not. >> what is your favorite novel? >> favorite novel? i don't read books. but -- first one i could think of, probably "moby-dick." >> did you read that? >> no, i haven't read it. but i hear it's all about a big whale. that's all i know about it. seems prett restg. >> you plan to read it someday? >> yeah. yeah, i do. >> cool. enjoy. >> yes, thank you. >> thanks. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. we're doing great. all right. we have a good show tonight. lukas graham is here, kevin nealon is here.
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be right back with carey mulligan! deny thy father and refuse thy name. or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and i'll... so she's telling romeo to ditch his parents and then she'll be his boo forever. oh. there are multiples on the table: one is cash, three are fha, one is .a so what can you do? she's saying a whole lotta people want to buy this house. but you got this! rocket mortgage by quicken loans makes the complex simple. understand the details and get approved in as few as 8 minutes by america's largest mortgage lender. geand take 50% off hundreds of select items storewide! plus - take an extra 20% off! plus - take an extra $10 off when you spend $50 or more! plus - get kohl's cash! layer on the savings! this weekend - at kohl's. chuck norris? can you sign my tacoma? ay ya! i'd be glad to.
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[lau from the fist of a legend rises a new action star. a hero, who's there to save the day...and the night. so fearless, so rugged... he's tough as chuck. you replaced me with a truck? vroom, vroom. ♪ toyota. let's go places. get together. three... two...one! oh! i wasn't ready! ♪ let me try again... ♪ ready? ♪ let me try again... happy birthday to you...
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♪ >> jimmy: hi there, welcome back to the show. tonight, a very funny guy with an interview show on youtube called "hiking with kevin," kevin nealon is here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] then, this is their album, it comes out friday, it's called "three the purple album." lukas graham from the mercedes-benz stage. you can see lukas graham live on their tour of the united states starting february 22nd in portland, oregon. that's planning ahead, it really is.e sic from b boi
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ftand television actress, who played a kathy, a kitty, a sissy, a cassie, a winnie, a jenny, and a sally and emily twice. her critically acclaimed new movie, "wildlife" is in theatres now. please welcome carey mulligan. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: may i ask you -- you look lovely, by the way. do you care about the world series as a foreigner to our country? >> totally. >> jimmy: you do. >> yeah. >> jimmy: who are you rooting for? >> all of the ones. all of them. >> jimmy: do you know how many teams are in the world series? >> 12. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. just two. >> oh? really? >> jimmy: just the finals. >> they play -- >> jimmy: it's a best of seven. whoever wins four games wins it. >> goodness. >> jimmy: there you go, now you're a baseball fan.
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dodgers/red sox. you know where the dodgers play? >> america? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes, america, that's correct. they do play in america. yes, the dodgers play in america. >> l.a. >> jimmy: l.a. is right. absolutely right. [ cheers and applause ] and the red sox? >> boston. >> jimmy: boston. that's right. all right, you got it. [ cheers and applause ] last time you were here, we were talking about your driver's license. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how many times had you failed the driving test? >> five. >> jimmy: five times. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and since then, is it fair to say that you are now a licensed driver? >> i got a license a month ago. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: magic number six, congratulations. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how did it happen? how did it work out this time? >> so the last four tests i took, i took when i was 9 months pregnant with both. two when i was pregnant with my son, my daughter. and it was just so tragic. and then i -- this summer i was -- i just suddenly decided i was going to do it. i booked an intensive course.
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>> jimmy: how intensive was the course? >> five hours a day for five days. >> jimmy: just to get your driver's license? >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i didn't do that much studying in all of college. [ laughter ] >> well -- it was -- it was intense. and my driving instructor, noel, who i love, but who i got -- i was a really chippy driver with him. he would ask these rhetorical questions like, and carey, what is the speed limit? i'd be like, i don't know, if i knew i'd tell you. >> jimmy: that is not a rhetorical question. the speed limit is -- yeah, you're in trouble already. >> i know. but anyway, so i did this thing. it was a nightmare. and i did the five hours a day. i got to the test and i decided it was pointless and i wasn't going to pass and that i was cursed. and then i decided to meditate. because everyone has told me to do it. i've never done it. >> jimmy: you had never done it before? >> no, i'm english. i'm like, oh, all right. so okay, i'll meditate, what
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else have i got at this point? i downloaded the app. and i was in the parking lot outside the test center. and i found a bench. and i lay down on a bench and listened to a 20-minute meditation. and then i got up and i passed my test. >> jimmy: oh, wow, it worked. [ cheers and applause ] that and the force. >> that and the 25 hours. >> jimmy: do you think you retained the information? i have a quiz here. >> oh! >> jimmy: uk driver's license test questions. you're driving on the motorway in windy conditions. what should you do as you pass a high-sided vehicle? a, increase your speed. b, be wary of a sudden gust. c, drive alongside very closely. or d, expect normal conditions. >> be wary of a sudden gust. >> jimmy: that's absolutely correct. [ applause ] what do you do, be wary of a sudden gust? you've been involved in an argument that has made you feel angry. this is a real question from their test. what should you do before starting your journey? a, open a window.
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b, turn on your radio. c, have an alcoholic drink. d, calm down. >> calm down. >> jimmy: calm down is absolutely correct. 2 for 2. [ applause ] you want one more? what should you do when passing sheep on a road? a, briefly sound your horn. b, go very slowly. c, pass quickly but quietly. d, herd them to the side of the road. >> herd them. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, you got 2 out of 3, that's enough. [ applause ] i think that's a "c." >> i'm good with "c." >> jimmy: do you drive in l.a.? >> you can't stop me. >> jimmy: that's really getting into it. >> yeah. this is the first -- i passed the day before i flew out here and i've been here a month. >> jimmy: do you go on the 405? >> no. >> jimmy: you do not. no freeways? >> no, i have the thing on my gps where it says, avoid freeways. >> jimmy: does it take forever to get anywhere? >> the freeways are lawless.
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no, i'm easing into the freeway. >> jimmy: are you going to one day -- boy, there's nothing scarier thanou f time freeway. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> not deliberately. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you can't run them over, you have to herd them. [ laughter and applause ] it was dead? >> i had -- i drove eight years ago for six months and they let me have a license. which is shockingly easy to get. but my first time out i went on the freeway and there was this tiny bunny and i ran over it. >> jimmy: i've never seen a bunny on the freeway. we have medical marijuana here, is it possible this was a hallucination? >> it was a real bunny. i pulled over and cried. it was awful. >> jimmy: a bunny on the freeway. >> who'd have thought? >> jimmy: that sounds like the worst easter ever. [ laughter ] you were at the royal wedding, which is big. how does that work with the
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royal wedding? are you friends with harry and meghan? or do they just invite people who are famous? >> no, it's a friendship, yeah. >> jimmy: a friendship. did they know oprah? are they friendly with oprah? >> i guess, i don't know. no, i don't know, i just saw oprah there. >> jimmy: you did see oprah, yeah. >> you were -- it was a friend's house. we got up at 5:00 a.m. we got to our friend's house. we were watching the tv. we saw oprah going in. and then we were like, if oprah's there, we can't be after oprah. so we all hustled to the church and got in. then it was like a two-hour wait for everyone -- >> jimmy: in the church? did they have an opening act or aedn or athinik no, no. so it lovely and the were myand, we w with friends, my husband was like, give us a kiss, babe. and i was like, i'm not going to give you a kiss, there's cameras.
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he's like, george clooney's here, elton john is here, they're not filming us. and i was like, well, they might be. there's loads of cameras and it's on tv. >> jimmy: i'm glad you brought this up. i do actually have a clip here. >> oh! >> jimmy: tell us what we're seeing. marcus mumford, your sweetheart. that's the wedding. there's elton john. some other guys. we come to you. and marcus. no, not yet. there you are. when something like that happens and the whole world is watching, do you know that you are on camera? >> no. >> jimmy: that he was on? >> we didn't. we were convinced there were so many absurdly famous people that we were not going to be on camera at all. of course it finishes and we're allowed to put our phones backg. marcus, you tawned on tv! >> jimmy: marcus could probably parlay that into a coffee endorsement of some kind. >> agreed. >> jimmy: we're going to take a
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break. we have a clip from e new movie "wildlife." carey mulligan is with us. we'll be right back. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by michelob ultra, official beer sponsor of the 2018 tcs new york city marathon. thrill you. use...shopping shd with big brands at small prices... for the whole family! woo hoo! and unexpected finds you never knew you were looking for. with brands that wow and prices that thrill... marshalls is never boring, and always surprising. get cold weather ready with amazing prices on name brand outerwear for everyone, today at marshalls. (beep beep) (avfor only $20 per month.hinq at sprint regular price, $40 a month. with fivcameras to capture moments from every angle. order yours today for people with hearing loss, and save big at sprint! visit sprintrelay.com.
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>> i suppose. >> jeanette. never liked that. seemed like a waitress' name. >> what would you rather be called? >> well -- there used to be a singer named lottie. lottie-da, how would that be? >> i like jeanette. >> jimmy: that's carrie mulligan in "wildlife" in theaters now. and you're getting phenomenal reviews. explain what the movie is about before we get into that. >> it's based on a richard ford novel of the same name. and it's -- >> jimmy: hold on one second. a novel is something that -- oh, never mind. [ laughter ] >> so it's told from the perspective of a 14-year-old boy. it's a family portrait, but i suppose it's about the moment you realize that your parents are not just your parents. >> jimmy: and that they have a life? >> they have a life, they have things outside just being there for you.
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>> jimmy: right, right. and we never really care, though, really, do we? >> yeah this is a particularly interesting week in the family's life. >> jimmy: i see. and do you read your reviews, do you look at them, check, test the waters before looking at them? how does that work? >> i have like a couple of people who will send me like really good bits of things. but i won't read the whole thing. or just go looking for the bad ones. >> jimmy: do you retain that, think about those things? >> no, but i have to see in my mind the bad ones. >> jimmy: do you remember the writers? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: do you have a list? >> i only have one from a really long time ago. they say it's a review of a play i did a long time ago and i remember exactly what he said. >> jimmy: do you want to say? >> sure. "although carrie mulligan does not quite capture nina's aching ambition," michael billings of "the guardian." >> jimmy: that's your worst
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review? i'll get on the computer, you'll hear some stuff about me. >> i've stopped looking. i don't look anymore. >> jimmy: it's great to see you. thank you for coming. the movie is called "wildlife." it is in theaters now. carey mulligan, everybody. we we'll be right back! (little sister) sis look! (mom vo) it's easy to shrink into your own little world. especially these days. (mom vo) especially at this age. (dad) it's getting wetter. (mom vo) that's why we got the biggest subaru ever made. (dad) i think it's here. (big sister) where are we going? (mom vo) it's a big, beautiful world out there.
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ai helps farmers grow more food with less resources. an engineer explores how ai can help the deaf see sound. innovation creates tomorrow, and tomorrow is here today. to process your homecomilitary experiencee and think about what comes next. think they'll tell us the truth? kinda do, yeah. how do you feel? you think it's just a place where they want to help us out? does that make any sense. you have to be careful what you say to her. you're worried. aren't you? yes i am. ♪
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>> dicky: here's aunt chippy with tonight's winning numbers. >> good evening, everybody. tonight's winning number is -- are we ready? i am. it's stuck in there. come on, get down. boop, boop! yoo-hoo! [ bleep ] piece of [ bleep ] you brought over here. >> there we go, good. >> piece of [ bleep ]. are we ready? >> wait, wait -- >> oh, shut up. come on. say action. i'm ready, i'm ready to roll. >> action! >> here we go. it is number -- if i could see it. i'm going to tell you the number as soon as i can see the damn number. oh. this is much better. it's 91, or 16. that's it! >> dicky: and that was aunt
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♪ goodnight to you, good[phone ringing] oh, no, no, no, no... go back to bed... take your marks... you got this, bud! [phone ringing] oh, gosh! that is my phone... [phone ringing] and now from the gospel of john... [phone ringing] frank! two-time rec center champion milton con... [phone ringing] cut! [phone ringing] wow! can you stop this noise? [phone ringing] dedication and perseverance... [phone ringing] [whispering] it's a very important shot... [phone ringing] ohhhhh!!!! [laughter] ...coming in, and...oh, jeez! [phone ringing] i know how to turn off a phone! [phone ringing] ♪ [phone ringing] oh my goodness gracious! three miles to the west... oh, my phone's ringin'... [phone ringing] [phone ringing] whoa! [phone ringing] that's embarrassing. [phone ringing] [phone ringing] thud! [phone ringing] [phone ringing] [screech] [phone ringing] come on! [phone ringing] so sorry... [phone ringing] [phone dinging] [silence] ♪
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>> jimmy: still to come, music from lukas graham. our next guest is a relentlessly funny man who never forgets about fitness. his outdoor interview show "hiking with kevin" is available now on youtube and you can see him live with jim jefferies, natasha leggero, gabriel iglesias, and cristela alonzo at the wilshire ebell theater in la november 3rd. please welcome kevin nealon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome, welcome. >> ts we have here? >> this is my emotional support baby. [ laughter ] doesn't have a name. >> jimmy: your what? >> emotional support baby. sometimes on a talk show i get some anxiety. so it makes me feel a lot safer when i have a baby
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breasts. >> jimmy: i've never heard of -- i've heard of emotional support cats and dogs -- this is a letter from your doctor? >> it's a certificate. >> jimmy: that says -- yeah wow. mr. kevin nealon and the infant in his care meets the definition -- wow, i've never heard of this. >> you've never heard of an emotional support baby? get with the program, man, they're a big thing now. >> jimmy: no, it's not -- >> yes, a bunch of people here have them in the room, emotional support babies. >> jimmy: who has? oh, wow. you're right. this place is crawling with babies. >> even your cameraman. >> jimmy: which cameraman? growler? you have a emotional support baby? [ laughter ] >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: growler should not have an emotional support baby. even a rubber one is no good for growler. >> look how relaxed he looks. so relaxed. even the guys in the band have one. >> jimmy: jonathan, you have a baby? [ laughter and applause ] >> is that something that's always there? >> yeah, every night. >> jimmy: this is remarkable, i never noticed that.
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>> how are you never noticed this? >> jimmy: i don't know, i guess i'm not observant. >> people need emotional support babies now aways. especially here at work, you've got to have an esb. >> jimmy: that's what they're called, esb? >> how have you never noticed this? >> jimmy: fai don't know how i' never noticed this. >> gary -- guillermo, have you ever used an esb? >> guillermo: no, i use tequila. [ cheers and applause ] come over here, i want you to have this guy. it might be better to get off the tequila, know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: what are you doing, giving him a baby? >> no worries, man, i've got a dozen of them in the trunk. >> jimmy: okay, there you go. all right, that's great. wow, that baby -- bye, baby, thanks for the emotional support. [ applause ] >> no tequila for the baby, guillermo. >> guillermo: okay, only milk. >> jimmy: very chill kid. it's great to have you here. >> i feel so relaxed coming out here with the baby.
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the attention is not on me. it's on the baby. >> jimmy: it's on the baby. >> i came out here, everybody's like going, aww! i never got that before when i came out. >> jimmy: really? i feel like sometimes you do get a little bit of aww. >> maybe it was for me, i don't know. >> jimmy: do you think they make a difference, the emotional support -- with the pets, do you do that? >> no, i don't. but i see it a lot. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> everybody's got an emotional support dog at the airport. not just the typical kind. there's poodles and dachshunds and stuff. they don't fit in the vest, it's too big for them. they walk out of the vest and you pick it up and bring it. the dog flies for free on the plane. >> jimmy: the dog flies for free, yeah. >> i told my friend kirk, letter a red vest and sit at my feet and be quiet, you can fly for free. if i fall over you can start barking. >> jimmy: did kirk go for that? >> yeah, he's gone on a lot of trips for free. >> jimmy: how is your real child
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doin doing, gable, your son? >> gable is 11. i'm an older kind of father. he's recognizing the large age difference. >> jimmy: is he really? >> yeah. yeah, he is. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: in what ways? >> well, i'll tell you. i came into his bedroom. he looked really sad. and i said, what's the matter, buddy? because i don't know his name, i'm never home. [ laughter ] and he said, can i be honest with you? i said, no, keep up with the lies, it seems to work for everybody nowadays. he goes, i've just been thinking, i'm 11 now and you're 64. when i'm 22, you're going to be 74. when i'm 31, you're going to be 74. or 84. >> jimmy: 85, really, yeah. >> then he goes, you're not going to be around for a lot of my life, are you? i said, buddy, buddy, buddy. [ laughter ]
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i said, i'm going to be around for a long, long time. i'm going to be around for your graduati graduation. i'm going to be around for when you get married. when you have kids. but you've got to make all that happen in the next five years. [ laughter ] [ applause ] otherwise, you're right. but, you know. but he got it. he goes, no, dad, i'm serious, dad. he doesn't know my name either. [ laughter ] he goes, there's kids at my school, in my grade, their parents in their 30s. and you're 64. i said, whoa, whoa, whoa. that doesn't mean anything. it doesn't. i said, who's to say their parents aren't going to die in a fiery car crash tomorrow? or a murder/suicide? you don't know that. >> jimmy: right, a really good point. >> by the way, who says you're going to outlive me? if you want me to be honest with you. [ audience moaning ] >> no, seriously, some murdering
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clown could come into your bedroom and smother you with a balloon animal. you could die in the dentist's chair, it happens all the time. happens all the time. i gave him a kiss on the forehead, get a good night's sleep, we'll talk about this in the morning. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: that's a sweet story. >> you have to reassure your child that you're going to be around. i think that's the job of a parent. >> jimmy: i think so too, i agree with you. i want to talk about this youtube show. i was on it. "hiking with kevin" is the name of the show. it is exactly as described. you go hiking with kevin. it's you, a famous person, and a selfie stick, basically, right? >> yeah, yeah. it's -- a lot of people ask, they say, is kevin walking backwards? >> jimmy: you're walking like this the whole time. so i went with you. first of all, it was weird. you told me to meet you, we had to drop a pin to find -- we met at the end of a cul-de-sac. then i think we went to do
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somebody's side yard to go on the hike. >> the problem was, if you remember, i scouted out the entrance to the hike. it was about a half mile walk to get to the trailhead on tar, on pavement. >> jimmy: right, uh-huh. >> there's cars and everything. that wouldn't look good for the hiking show. plus we'd have to walk, to walk more, to get to the walking part. >> jimmy: then we walked and talked. i thought, oh, maybe kevin's just like, he doesn't want to pay a personal trainer, he just wants somebody with him on these exercise trips. >> the best way to get in shape. >> jimmy: but it was a lot of fun to do. >> it's a lot of fun to do. i notice when people hike they're much more open to talk, outside in the fresh air. right here i'm clammed up, i'm not giving you much. [ laughter ] when you're outside -- >> jimmy: should we go out to the lot? we were talking so much, and i haven't told you this. we were talking so intently, and also you're trying to stay upright while filming -- >> i got the lights going on. >> jimmy: you got all the stuff going on. kerry washington, i ran into her
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somewhere. and she said, hey, i walked right by you and kevin nealon, you guys were walking and holding like a selfie stick, and you just walked right by me and didn't see me, way. >> jimmy: i swear to god, you missed the bigger celebrity. >> no, no. the truth is she had called and asked to be on the show that day. and i said, i'm not doing it today. [ laughter ] now that you tell me that, i'm really embarrassed. >> jimmy: don't worry, we'll write this out, she'll never be the wiser. it's great to see you. kevin is doing a live show on november 3rd at the wilshire ebell theater hosting the internationshtional myeloma foun with many comedians. you're a good man. watch "hiking with kevin" on youtube. be right back with lukas gram! live" concert seriesth oth
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"look what she's accomplished... she authored the ban on assault weapons... pushed the desert protection act through congress, and steered billions of federal dollars to california projects such as subway construction and wildfire restoration." "she... played an important role in fighting off ...trump's efforts to kill the affordable care act." california news papers endorse dianne feinstein for us senate. california values senator dianne feinstein proposition 11 "a common sense solution" to protect public safety. it ensures the closest ambulance remains on-call during paid breaks "so that they can respond immediately when needed." vote yes on 11. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is . stin
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>> jmyi nto thanndeaogs toatt mo "nightline" is next, but first, this is their album "three, the purple album" here with the song "love someone." lukas graham! ♪ ♪ ♪ there are days i wake up and i pinch myself you're with me not someone else and i'm scared ♪ ♪ yeah i'm still scared that it's all a dream ♪ ♪ 'cause you still look perfect as days go by
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even the worst ones ♪ ♪ you make me smile i'd stop the world if it gave us time ♪ ♪ 'cause when you love someone you open up your heart when you love someone ♪ ♪ you make room if you love someone and you're not afraid to lose them ♪ ♪ you probably never loved someone like i do you probably never loved someone like i do ♪ ♪ when you say you love the way i make you feel everything becomes so real ♪ ♪ don't be scared no don't be scared cause you're all i need ♪
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♪ and you still look perfect as days go by even the worst ones ♪ ♪ you make me smile i'd stop the world if it gave us time ♪ ♪ 'cause when you love someone you open up your heart when you love someone ♪ ♪ you make room if you love someone and you're not afraid to lose them ♪ ♪ you probably never loved someone like i do you probably never loved someone like i do ♪ ♪ all my life i thought it'd be hard to find the one 'til i found you ♪
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♪ and i find it bittersweet cause you gave me something to lose ♪ ♪ but when you love someone you open up your heart when you love someone ♪ ♪ you make room if you love someone and you're not afraid to lose them ♪ ♪ you probably never loved someone like i do you probably never loved someone like i do ♪ ♪ you probably never loved someone like i do ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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this is "nightline." >> tonight, the domestic terror trail. a day filled with fear and mass evacuations. >> we were just thinking or hoping that those bombs weren't going to go off. >> pipe bombs sent to politicians, former presidents, and the press. >> any acts of political violence are an attack on our democracy itself. >> a federal investigation kicking into high beer as the manhunt for for whoever is responsible intensifies. forget the mega millions. these guys will do it the old-fashioned way. the miners of the hit tv show "gold rush" take our ginger zee inside their gritty world. >> we found gold! >>
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