appreciate your time. >> thanks for all of us. jimmy kimme l >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- beastie boys mike d & ad-rock. from "queer eye" jonathan van ness. "this year in unnecessary censorship." and music from mitski. and now, goodness gracious, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ry thank u rylcom. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. it's the most wonderful time of

the year. as we prepare to go into hibernation, this is our last new show before christmas. so on behalf of all of us here, we wish you and your families a merry one. thank you for watching our show. even if you're watching from a bar at the airport right now. today is the heaviest travel day of the year. especially in new york and l.a. and here in l.a., every year on the local news we have a tradition in l.a. every year we see this. [ laughter ] this is gridlock porn is what this is. thousands of cars bumper to bumper going each way. we like to watch it because it means we're not in it. [ laughter ] it's weirdly kind of festive, looks like a sandy cane. who says l.a. is a godless place? we even decorate the 405 here. [ laughter ] i came up with an idea, bring that in here. i had an idea. remember when you used to get christmas carolers in the neighborhood? doesn't really happen anymore. i have something i think could be a new holiday tradition. we call it the alexa christmas

choir. okay? watch this. you have to be quiet at the beginning. alexa, sing "jingle bells." ♪ o jingle bells i don't think angle bellsgenic angle all the way ♪ ♪ oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪ >> alexa, stop. alexa, stop! ♪ oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪ >> jimmy: alexa, stop! she won't stop. we have kinks to work out but you get the idea. it's nice. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: gee yare know. >> guillermo: yeah? >> jimmy: bring that to the ocean and dump it in. >> guillermo: i will for sure. >> jimmy: spending time with family around the holidays is great. but it can be stressful too. you know how they say you can't go home again? unfortunately it's not true, you can. at christmas we do. so we asked some of the people who work here at our show to share the one thing they dread most about heading home for the

holidays and this is what they had to say. >> the thing i dread most about going home for the holidays is that even though i'm an adult and i live with my boyfriend, i still have to ask permission for him to come over to my parents' house, and there has to be an adult at all times. at all times. >> the thing i'm dreading most about going home for the holidays is my parents have only one television. and they hog it and they only wash british law dramas. >> what i'm dreading about the holidays i visit my cousin ricky and his wife judy and they're passionate lovemakers. i was there with my small children. upstairs we heard bam bam bam bam bam coming from the room. my youngest says, what is that? i said, it's santa claus, he must be stuck in the chimney. bam bam bam! i want to see santa claus! i had to stop him. eventually it stopped and i told him, i guess santa's not stuck in the chimney anymore. we're staying at a hotel this

year. love you guys, happy holidays! >> my aunts ask me if i'm dating somebody. it's usually within five minutes of me being there. i'm doing a lot more things with my life than dating people. so it's fun. >> travel. sitting in traffic for hours and hours just to get to someplace that you don't really want to go to, to spend time with people you don't really want to see. my ideal holiday would be not going anywhere and spending it alone. happy holidays. >> okay, so i have to spend $2,500 to fly my family to new york, $150 on baggage fees, $200 for car service. i'm going to stay in the room i grew up in which pretty much has a twin bed. my dad puts the heat up to about 80, 85. then my dad just told me, i'm not going to get a tree this year, it's too much of a hassle. so merry christmas, kids. >> four years ago my dad found a dead deermouse on the side of the highway.

he skinned it, stuffed it, preserved it. he's been putting it on our christmas tree ever since. it's a weird tradition, dad. >> jimmy: that's not a creature was stirring, not even that mouse. [ cheers and applause ] why is that in our office? guillermo. remind me when we get back to fire him, okay? >> guillermo: i will for sure. >> jimmy: very good. the president is heading home tomorrow. he's off to florida for 16 days. is the president allowed to go away for 16 days? that's like five scaramuccis worth of days. tomorrow morning mike pence will be checked into a kennel and the president will jet to mar-a-lago. his private club where trump will once again host his new year's eve party. two years he charged guests $575 a head to come. last year it went up to $750 a head. this year he's charging $1,000 a head. $1,000 to ring in the new year with these two party animals. [ laughter ] that seems like fun. the whole trump family will be

there. i wonder if he makes them pay to come to the party. ivanka gets in free, everyone else, full price. it's a special holiday for the trumps this the year. this could be the last christmas don jr. will be able to spend with his dad without being separated by a glass partition. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] beautiful holiday. trump is leaving washington, d.c. an absolute mess. he caused quite a thing today. he announced today he's not going to sign a resolution to fund the government. this is a deal that was crafted by republicans. they thought he was going to sign it. he surprised them and said, i'm not signing it unless i get the $5 billion for my border wall. if he doesn't get that money, which he won't, tomorrow night at midnight the government will shut down, hundreds of thousands of workers won't get paid. basically trump is taking paychecks from federal employees at christmas time to punish congress for not paying for a wall he swore 500 times mexico would be paying for.

so feliz navidad, everyone. but here's the twist -- [ cheers and applause ] the twist is the president might not need mexico or congress to pay for the wall because there's very dopey people ready to pay for it themselves. this trump supporter, brian colfad, started a $1 billion for the wall. he launched it on sunday. it's already up to almost $9 million. this is what people do with their disposable income when they don't have loans from college to pay off. [ laughter ] donating money for a wall that will never exist. it's like starting a college fund for harry potter. [ laughter ] it's a waste. a more useful thing to do with your money is feed it to a bird. [ laughter ] you do have to admire the sacrifice they're making. a lot of these people are dipping into their meth money for this. [ laughter ] on top of all that, trump's secretary of defense, general jim mattis, surprised everyone and resigned today. i guess the rumor is he

disagreed with trump's decision to withdraw troops from syria, and as a result of that, he's now the 13th member of trump's cabinet to depart in 20 months. there are only 24 people in the cabinet, by wait. [ laughter ] that includes the vice president, who can't leave. eventually ben carson's going to be the only one left, eventually, if they can find him. has anyone seen him this year? [ laughter ] this has been a bigly week for the president -- [ cheers and applause ] two wig things. he declared victory against isis, and he told supporters he won the war on christmas. he won two wars this week. of course the liberal media doesn't report it because all they want to do is tear him down. children need to know this president is fighting for their favorite holiday. with that said i am very pleased to present this soon to be best-selling book. this is called "how the trumps saved christmas." would you like me to read it to you? [ cheers and applause ] all right, here we go.

the trump hated christmas like he hated don lemon, like he hates rob mueller people in yemen. no one quite knows why he's made this whole season. his dad didn't love him, that could be a reason. it might have been fueled by the surly alt-right or just that his pants are four sizes too tight. whatever the cause is, his dad or his pants, his outbursts on twitter in capitalized rants, there's a war on christmas, he'd said with a sneer, to make maga hat wearers recoil with fear. it's not that he cared one way or the other, it's a hot-button issue that upsets your grandmother. if islamics and liberals get their own way they'll outlaw merry christmas. they'll say season's greetings and force us to sell brace hanukkah-paloozas. he iced up his bone spurs and readied for war, unlike vietnam half a century before.

if i'm powerful enough to stare into an eclipse, i can put merry christmas on everyone's lips. then he shouted and bellowed that santa's in danger and nancy pelosi will burn down the manger. then suddenly it was over and he put it in writing, that he'd won this big war no one knew we were fighting. he bragged to his followers on fox and on friends that it's safe to go say "merry christmas" again. he claimed he beat starbucks, he tore them to pieces. they printed up cups that said "happy birthday to jesus." that's how the trumps saved christmas for all from the american heartland to the mexican wall. so the next time you hear "happy holidays," say, "wrong, merry christmas, the american way." [ cheers and applause ] and that is how the trump saved christmas. are any of you -- any of you going to see "aquaman" this weekend? [ cheers ]

"aquaman" does battle with mary poppins. not literally, although it would be a good fight. i'd pay $15 to see mary poppins poke him with an umbrella. he hits back with a halibut. it could be a big thing. "aquaman" set box office records -- >> enough with aquaman, my goodness. give me a frigging break. >> jimmy: oh. [ cheers and applause ] did you say something? >> that's right. i said something. >> jimmy: oh, i remember you. you're prince nemo, right? [ laughter ] >> how dare you. nemo is a clownfish. do i look like a clownfish, jimmy? no, i am prince submariner. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. i'm sorry. you know, prince namor is a somewhat obscure marvel character -- >> obscure? >> jimmy: a little bit.

you were very upset you weren't in the avengers movie? >> that's the short version. >> jimmy: what brings you back here? >> well, i have another bone to pick with marvel, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh. >> i want to know why prince namor, aka the submariner, how come he doesn't get his own mov movie? what the hell does aquaman have that this doesn't? am i right, people? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: for starters, aquaman has a name that's not a paragraph long. and he also doesn't wear a shiny little speedo to work. >> excuse me? this is not a speedo, jimmy. okay? these are my panties from atlantis, all right? this is a very european look. >> jimmy: oh. >> have you ever evenopez? golden trent.

like that? >> hello? do i have a weapon? only the whole of proteus, okay? which allows me to communicate with fish. >> jimmy: oh. see, that power is kind of lame. [ laughter ] >> you think it's lame, jimmy? you think the horn of proteus is lame? listen to this. ♪ >> ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my friend gavin. >> jimmy: okay. >> that's right. >> jimmy: okay. i understand. >> hi, gavin. >> jimmy: hi, gavin, how are you? welcome. >> hard to believe the show has never won the emmy. >> jimmy: it really is, yeah. [ laughter ] >> did you steal this from john oliver? i don't think so. this is the horn of proteus, case closed. >> jimmy: all right. bu t i just think

aquaman is a little bit cooler than you, that's all. >> oh, really, okay. you know what, i think -- i think james corden is cooler than you. >> jimmy: oh. >> okay? >> jimmy: oh. >> let's go, gavin. oh, by the way, look. i have little wings on my feet, okay? that way i can fly away whenever i want to, all right? that's cool. >> jimmy: uh-huh. not really. [ laughter ] >> [ bleep ] you, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh, come on. >> [ bleep ] you. no, i don't care. i don't care. [ bleep ] you. [ bleep ] aquaman. >> jimmy: oh, come on now, don't say that. >> yeah. boy, i love being a preshow to "nightline," jesus. oh, by the way, everyone, remember, next time you go swimming in the ocean, that's where gavin and i go to the bathroom. >> jimmy: oh. >> merry christmas, jimmy. let's go, gavin, let's go. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's very sensitive. all right. all right, one more thing before we forge ahead. as the year draws to a close we celebrate it with the best bleeps that were needed or not.

it's a special presentation, "this year in unnecessary >> president trump hasn't exactly made your life as speaker any easier even though he obviously [ bleep ]s your believes as a republican president -- >> what is the carrot that you're dangling for north korea to convince them to talk? >> we're not using a carrot to convince them to talk, we're using large [ bleep ]s. >> i don't know too much about [ bleep ]s. look at these people. i can smell a [ bleep ], believe it or not. >> he rolls him up, got him! >> dramatic video shows a [ bleep ] swallowed by a huge [ bleep ]. it happened on a colorado street. >> i remember vividly as a 9-year-old sitting in the kitchen getting my [ bleep ], [ bleep ] by my uncle. >> then also having this [ bleep ] in your mouth of getting this close b n finishing. >> come on, you, wor

thank you again for [ bleep ]ing me. >> talk about your grip on your [ bleep ]. you want to show everyone at home exactly how you grip your [ bleep ] and walk us through it? >> just like this. >> i [ bleep ]ed a china woman, i [ bleep ]ed a black woman, i have [ bleep ]ed the washing woman -- >> this night is made a lot sweeter because i know you have four and i have five. >> yeah, well, i got news for you. [ bleep ], [ bleep ] is not hard to do. go ahead and give it a try. say to yourself, what would i like if i was the other guy? >> huh? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we've got a good show nath vs is he. and we'll be right back with nath vs is he. and we'll be right back with michael and adam from

sometimes we forget what is important. nath vs is he. and we'll be right back with michael alike baseball? like you! diagnosed with an aggressive cancer, johan came to st. jude children's research hospital. our discoveries have helped to increase the overall childhood cancer survival from 20% to 80%. and we won't stop until every child survives. how big is 80%? this big! visit stjude.org or shop wherever you see the st. jude logo. "mmm..."mhm"ievable" ♪

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: great. billy eichner, thank you. tonight, from the netflix show "queer eye," jonathan van ness is here. to turn our lives around. [ cheers and applause ] then, her latest album is called "be the cowboy," mitski from the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] our first guests tonight earned their licenses to ill more than 30 years ago. they've grown from beastie boys to beastie men right before our eyes. their whole story is here. "beastie boys book." please welcome mike d and ad-rock, michael diamond and adam horovitz.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: are beastie boys fans of the bosstones? is that what happened there? >> yes. >> i feel like a [ bleep ] toddler, look at this. i don't even reach. >> jimmy: we do it to how mill yate our guests. you're not a short guy why i don't know what's going on with these chairs. >> i wanted to show off my socks. [ cheers and applause ] >> who dave you those socks? >> mike gave me these socks. >> jimmy: there you go, nice.

i saw your live show. you did this great two-man show here in l.a. you talked about your lives, a lot of the stories in the book -- >> it reclines! >> jimmy: you fidgeted with the furniture in this way. it was just -- it was so interesting. it was so enlightening in a lot of ways. i think what i took from it more than anything, what great friends you really are. you really are good friends. [ cheers and applause ] >> my body language says otherwise. >> we could both fit in here if you want to be in here. >> jimmy: when you set out to write this book, could you imagine it would wind up weighing 14 pounds? this thing is chock full of stuff. not just stories. pictures in here which a lot of people do, but you have a comic book in here, artwork -- >> cookbook.

>> a graphic novel, i mean, abbreviated graphic novel. >> jimmy: one other fun thing in the book, this is a report card. it was in the sleeve of a cool mo-d album, correct? >> am i being deposed? yes, yes. >> jimmy: he gave grades and an actual number to each member of the rap community at this time. what year did this come out? >> actually '88, maybe? it would have to be after "license to ill." 1988. >> jimmy: cumo-d, different categories, vocabulary, articulation, creativity, he gives himself 10s in almost every category, a 95, a-plus. ll cool j gets 90, dougie fresh, beastie boys, actually, you got the lowest grade of anybody. >> yeah. >> jimmy: a "c." >> we have the absolute worst grade. >> he thinks we suck. clearly. that's okay.

>> jimmy: it's not even suck. he didn't even give you an "f," he gave you a "c," which is kind of worse. >> that's true. yeah. >> jimmy: what was cool mo-d's deal with that? did you ever speak to him about this? >> we have not confronted him. [ laughter ] >> no. >> it's weird because we love cool mo-d. we love treacherous three and they're a huge deal. then that comes out, and wow. that's actually kind of funny. >> jimmy: at the time did you think it was funny? >> real funny. >> jimmy: pretty funny, yeah. you guys lived together a number of times. not just when you were starting out, you continued to live together after you were successful. one of the places you live is an apartment in chinatown. >> adam -- >> jimmy: you and adam yount. >> we cohabited, yes. >> jimmy: it was a weird place? >> it was not your regular apartment. the floor was paved with asphalt. so if you walked on it with bare feet, your feet would be black. >> jimmy: yeah, bad for indoors.

>> there was an issue with vermin. otherwise known in new york city as rats. >> jimmy: yep. >> yeah. >> jimmy: there was -- >> there was a bathtub in the middle of the room. >> jimmy: bathtub in the kitchen, right? >> it was just one room, so a bathtub in the middle of it, a sort of kitchen next to it, and curtains for bedrooms. >> and there was no shower. the only way to get clean was in the bathtub, in the kitchen. >> right. >> which put you on full public display within -- i would call this place a loft, but it's like loft people would think it's something out of "9 1/2 weeks." this is not that. >> jimmy: not that at all. >> it's a sexy movie. >> look at you. >> jimmy: you were talking about eating in the bathtub? >> i would be on the found with adam youk and in the middle of the call he'd be like, oh, no, mike's doing it again. what? he's like, he's taking a bath but standing up getting snacks

out of the refrigerator. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you mentioned this painting. you depict what happened there. guillermo, make sure we see that whole thing there, yeah. >> wow. i know adam still finds this a little bit shocking. >> jimmy: yeah, it is shocking. >> i want to say this was a very efficient use of my time. [ laughter ] i'm taking care of the whole hygiene. i'm hydrating. and, you know, probably hungry. snacks. >> jimmy: what's the most difficult thing to eat in the bathtub? >> well, adam did point out the other day that eating in the bathtub meant crumbs fell into the bathtub. is that clean? are those clean crumbs? >> jimmy: that's going to have to an question you ask god after you die. [ laughter ]

>> a cookie crumb. you wouldn't rub cookies on you. you could. >> this is why we don't have a spa. >> jimmy: right, a bath bomb. >> infused water. >> jimmy: we have something special when we come back. mike and adam are here. they're covered with cookie crumbs, it's disgusting. we'll be right back with beastie boys after this! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live!" are brought to you by the world's longest lasting aa battery, energizer ultimate lithium. most original movies." "one of the ys what they did to you... [ gasps ] it hurts like hell. it's a hate crime. i got beaten because i was different. so, i created a world where i can heal. it's "a dazzling visual wonderland." woo hoo hoo! "full of heart and hope." wow. that's "perfect for the holidays." we've got your back hogan. we always have your back. academy award nominee steve carell. to life. to love. to marwen.

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♪ everybody hurts sometimes since i was a small boy i had dreamed that psych would win this. and now this has happened. and i just want to tell everyone that this is a farce. that i had all the obvious and everything. >> jimmy: that is the late great adam youk, doing kanye before there was a kanye. >> funny every time. >> jimmy: michael stipe looked on. that was pretty great.

>> like i said, he kept his come poshe sure. he kind of said wow, acknowledged it, and moved on. >> jimmy: and he said, i had the idea for "star wars" and everything. >> and everything. >> jimmy: literally nothing to do with anything that was going on there. yeah, he was great. was he the kind of leader of the group, if there is one? is he the force behind the group? >> i thought i was. >> yeah, we'll talk about that later. i don't know, i feel like he was -- for both of us -- you know, when you're kids if you're a year older it seems like, in adult years, that's like ten years older. it was that kind of thing. he was the older brother for us both. and we talk about it in the book that he just somehow had this capacity to know things. adam and i are constantly like, how does this guy, how does he know how to like wire this and fix a microphone and record

drums and flip the tape backwards and make a great paella? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm sure you hear from people in hip-hop all the time that you had a big influence on them. and i also want to mention that you had an influence on someone who is not at all in hip-hop. and that person is me. because when you guys first came to be, i enjoyed your music and cleto -- >> you're stumbling on this. >> jimmy: our band member cleto and i started our own rap group, the j-boys. we called him junior because he's a junior. me, junior, jimmy, and our other friend jimmy. we made an album and everything. we even created a platinum record for ourselves. [ cheers and applause ] that's us. it was a cassette, it wasn't an

album. >> needlepoint? >> jimmy: no, it's painted on a sweatshirt. i painted it. the paint i was using for cleto was darker than it should have uger ] i didn't have that many paints. but boy, i mean, this has got to make you feel proud. >> we made our mark. >> jimmy: yeah. so thank you for that. i mean, it made us very popular in high school. >> can we play another song? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the songs have all been destroyed. >> soul love? what is the soul love? >> jimmy: i don't know what it was, i don't know. >> you know it's a david bowie song with a really good beat at the beginning. >> jimmy: we didn't know that, we weren't that cool. we didn't know any of that stuff. i think we were listening to whitney houston and came up with it. >> cleto: that's what happened to us. >> jimmy: that's what happened to us, yes. are you doing any more live shows? >> there's some stuff for 2019. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: do it. it should be available to all. this is the book, the beastie boys' book. mike and adam! we'll be right back. shop hundreds of gifts under $299. like diamond studs, diamond hoops, mnd a plus, save up to 30% storewide. only at kay.

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>> jimmy: welcome back to the show. jonathan van ness and mitski are on the way but first -- christmas is almost here, and as you all know, that means santa and his reindeer will soon be making their rounds, with an assist from our friend the energizer bunny. >> ho ho ho! what the hey, your nose so bright is supposed to guide my sleigh tonight. >> sorry, santa, i think my nose is running out of batteries. >> you should have used energizer ultimate lithium. >> i told them the same. >> energizer ultimate lithium is the longest-lasting aa battery you can buy. >> do you have some i can use? >> of course. i've got a sleighful. i use them on my boot warmers. it feels naughty and nice. >> thanks, santa. my nose is bright again. i am ready to guide your sleigh. >> that won't be necessary.

i found someone a little more high energy. >> oh, no! who?,doer on,n. on, energizer bunny. merry christmas! >> hey, santa, you're still paying me, right? >> dicky: this holiday season, choose energizer ultimate lithium, the number one longest-lasting aa battery. nothing outlasts energizer. >> jimmy: we will be right back with jonathan van ness. ( ♪ ) hi susan!hs) honey? i respect that. but that cough looks pretty bad... try this new robitussin honey. the real honey you love... plus the powerful cough relief you need. mind if i root through your trash? new robitussin honey. because it's never just a cough.

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>> jimmy: our next guest has the greatest blow-out slash handlebar mustache combo in all the western world. he is one-fifth of "queer eye" on netflix. starting in february, you can see him on his first comedy tour called "road to beijing." please say hello to jonathan van ness. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: look at you. what is this you're wearing?

>> a little romper. >> jimmy: a romper, okay. >> just a romper. showing a little leg, it's great. >> jimmy: you do have nice legs. i see what's going on, you're pretending it's fashion but you want to show off your legs. >> what am i doing all this for if i'm not going to show off a bit? >> jimmy: a lot of ice skating. you're trying to get in the olympics? >> if adam rippon has retired, i see my opening. >> jimmy: aren't you too tall for ice skating? >> i'm too old, i'm too not good. [ laughter ] but i think that i just want to be a spectator so bad. i'm just going to go watch the olympics in beijing. >> jimmy: you're setting the bar very, very slow. really all you're saying is you want a ticket. >> exactly. >> jimmy: you don't have to train for that. >> who says? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i guess it couldn't hurt. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how are you doing? what's going on with you? >> i'm distracted by how handsome you are in real life, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh, wow. [ cheers and applause ] >> honestly, i love a

politically engaged man. that dr. seuss moment gave me every bit of life i ever needed. [ cheers and applause ] i love to exercise, i love to skate. i especially love to fer my first amendment rights. >> jimmy: that's a great slogan. [ cheers and applause ] my wife started watching the show. she's like, you have to watch this show. i'm like, what's in this for me? >> there's so much for everyone. >> jimmy: it is a great -- you know, and it's -- people who haven't seen it think, the other "queer eye" was a fun version of the show but this is moving, this show. how did you wind up on it? >> well, i grew up -- queer was such an important conversation with my family, one of the first places where i could really speak to my grandparents and have a conversation topic that was amazing gay men living their truths and not have it be -- it was a proud, amazing moment. to be a part of it now is really important. and so -- >> jimmy: how did you even find

out about it? >> it was on the internet, honey. they're rebooting the show, they're going to turn red states pink one makeover at a time. i was like -- [ laughter ] i'm from rural mississippi, like the mississippi river. i wanted to be a part of this pink makeover. >> jimmy: yeah, sure. and so you auditioned? or did somebody know you? >> so you go, and i was like, you go and you chat, and then after you chat you do this little kind of video interview thing. then after that they narrowed it down to like -- i think there was like 50 of us. like 50 really talented gay men descending upon this ballroom in glendale, california. >> jimmy: in glendale? >> uh-huh. and we basically kind of mingled each other to death, kind of. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> but in a really loving way. because at the end of the day, we all really -- it kind of is like -- like "america's top model," there's the top two and everybody's like, i want this so

bad. that's what we were all like. we all really wanted to create the show. and the five of us wanting it, being in that position, wanting it so much, we all supported each other through this three days of heartburn? how did they tell you? there on site? >> no, no. there was like a top ten, honey. she was like a top ten. then you didn't know. a week later we found out. you know you audition for something, there's nondisclosures? >> jimmy: right. >> i was really good about that. >> jimmy: were you? [ laughter ] >> yep. i was doing my client's hair. my assistant and i were there. the phone rang. i saw it was them. oh my god, you guys, don't make a sound, i'm going to put this on mute and speakerphone, but you didn't hear a thing, got it? [ laughter ] that's what happened. then ring around the roses, jumping and screaming, oh my gosh. it was just -- and now i have these four new life friends. these pictures of my little baby, i love them so much. >> jimmy: it does seem like you guys like each other. it's a great group. >> really lucked out with that.

>> jimmy: you were going off on your own with this standup comedy tour. >> embarking on this standup comedy tour. >> jimmy: the road to beijing, you're not going to china? >> i don't want to put myself in a box. [ laughter ] as i joke about my figure skating, i do feel like i'm taking her seriously. maybe i will. actually, my dad is from kyrgyzstan and i can get on their figure skating team. >> jimmy: i bet you could do that. >> he's not. he's for sure -- >> jimmy: is there a kyrgyzstan? >> i don't know. it could be my genovia way to get in. i just want to go is bad, you know? isn't the olympics about participation, inclusion? >> jimmy: this is something you've been training for since you were -- >> for four weeks. >> jimmy: since you were a little boy. >> four weeks. >> jimmy:? sixth grade you were in the school talent show? >> i did a floor figure skating routine. >> jimmy: we found a video. >> no, you didn't. >> jimmy: we did.

do you mind if we show it? >> i am so happy. that was it. oh, honey. oh, she's going to do it. leap, honey, leap. i designed this top, honey. i designed this. the mask was all my idea. my mom also said to me, she said, honey, if you do this, they're never going to let you down. and i was like, and? the problem is? >> jimmy: you were very confident. >> look at her! >> jimmy: you're actually good at it. >> oh, my gosh! stunning! that was a single axle, single toe loop. take no prisoners, i took the gold in that. >> jimmy: there is a sock ice dancing competition? i have a feeling you are going to at least place, if not win. >> jimmy, let me tell you something. i was a male cheerleader. it is incredibly hard to embarrass me. that is as close as you could come. [ laughter ] in real life. like on this -- on this stage. i think i'm not turning red but i couldn't tell you for sure.

>> jimmy: you have a slight mist on your forehead. >> i love that that video finally surfaced. i've been wait formal the day when that would happen, and here it is. >> now you know you're famous. jonathan van ness, everybody! "road to beijing" kicks off february 28th in philadelphia and season 3 of "queer eye" returns to netflix next year. and we'll return with music from mitski. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes benz. the best or nothing.

♪ 'cause no matter howe hofar away you roam ♪ ♪ ♪ if you want to be happy in a million ways ♪ ♪ for the holidays you can't beat home sweet home ♪

>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank mike d & ad-rock, jonathan van ness, billy eichner and apologize to matt damon. we ran out of time for him all year now. "nightline" is next, but first, her album is called "be the cowboy." here with the song "nobody," mitski! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ my god i'm so lonely so i open the window to hear sounds of people ♪

♪ to hear sounds of people venus planet of love was destroyed by global warming ♪ ♪ did its people want too much too did its people want too much ♪ ♪ and i don't want your pity i just want somebody near me guess i'm a coward i just want ♪ ♪ to feel alright and i know no one will save me i just need ♪ ♪ someone to kiss gione good honest kiss and i'll be alright ♪ ♪ nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody ooh nobody nobody nobody

♪ i've been big and small and big and small and big and small again ♪ ♪ and still nobody wants me still nobody wants me ♪ ♪ and i know no one will save me i'm just asking for a kiss give me one ♪ ♪ good movie kiss and i'll be alright nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody ooh ♪ ♪ nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody

nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody ♪ ♪ nobody nobody nobody nobody ♪ nobody nobody nobody nobody ♪ nobody nobody nobody

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about. >> the role that made harvey fire stein