that is your report. hope you have a great weekend. appreiate your time. dan ashley. >> i'm ama daetz. for larry and all of >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- ellen degeneres. comedian pete holmes. and music from cole swindell. and now, without further ado, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, everybody. very kind. very nice. hi there, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. very kind. i'm glad you're here.

i'm glad you're here. you know, the holidays are upon us. christmas is two weeks away. i have to say, i didn't feel like the holidays were here until this weekend. i'd been funny here and not very christmassy. my wife and i finally got around to taking the kids' holiday photo for the christmas card. we have a 4-year-old daughter and a son who's a year and a half old, and trying to get them to take a picture, trying to get them to sit still and smile and look at least vaguely in our direction at the same time, it's like trying to put a wet suit onto a monkey and a baby pig. it's impossible. i took no less than 400 photographs. i made faces, i jumped around. i issued threats. [ laughter ] i said you're going to pay for your own college if you don't look here and smile. [ laughter ] you can't even jingle your keys anymore, because you can't jingle a fob. [ laughter ] and we went the whole morning saturday, two hours, didn't get one usable shot. i think i got it. i went back to the computer. i did not get it, not one.

instead, we got this, that's the closest we got. we got a wrestling shot. and we got this. and we got this, too. and eventually, we gave up. to hell with it, we'll get pictures of someone else's kids. [ laughter ] instead of sending people pictures of our kids this year, we're going to send them our kids. [ laughter ] i don't know. if there's an app that can make you vomit rainbows? somebody's got to come up with one that makes kids sit still and smile for three seconds, please. i did get lots of pictures of them not smiling. maybe we should go back to the way our great grandparents took photos. this is what a family christmas card used to look like. [ laughter ] it's no smiling. everyone staring straight ahead, hoping santa brings them the polio vaccine. look at that doll, by the way, you will not find that on amazon. [ laughter ] president trump had a hell of a photo op this weekend. he had the honor of tossing the coin at the army/navy football game on saturday.

and what a toss of the coin it was. >> mr. president, would you do us the honors? it is tails. >> jimmy: yes. it didn't even flip, unlike michael cohen and paul manafort, the coin did not flip at all. let's look at that again in slow motion if we can. you see here, he just kind of, it's like a jump ball, he threw it up. his motion was almost that of a magician releasing doves into the stadium. [ laughter ] and yes. [cheers and applause] the white house right now going through yet another big shakeup. the president this weekend nominated william p. barr to be his next attorney general. i'll be hobbs -- honest, i saw the headline, "trumps picks barr," the thought he meant

roseanne. john kelly is out after the end of the year. he's leaving to not spend more time with trump's family. trump and kelly are reportedly not on speaking terms. the president's having a hard time finding someone to replace him. it's a high-profile job. chief of staff. nobody wants it. it's like hosting the oscars. [ laughter ] maybe kevin hart should be chief of staff. [ laughter ] because it's a tough situation. how do you convince a rat to jump on a sinking ship? it's against their nature. trump's first kois to replace kelly turned the job down. not even two years into his presidency, he's already looking for a third chief of staff. it's time to play hypocritical trump tweet from the past. here we go, 2012 when he wrote -- three chief of staffs -- wrong -- in less than three years of being president, probably why barack obama can't manage to pass his agenda. [ laughter ] there really is a tweet for every situation. and if you're wondering what trump is like as a boss, rex tillerson gave this refreshingly candid assessment of his time as

secretary of state. >> i had never met donald trump until the day he asked me to be secretary of state. it was challenging for me, coming from the disciplined, highly process-oriented exxonmobil corporation, to go to work for a man who's pretty undisciplined. doesn't like to read. doesn't like to read briefing reports. doesn't like to get into the details of a lot of things, but rather just kind of says, look, this is what i believe. and you can try to convince me otherwise, but most of the time you're not going to do that. >> jimmy: i don't know that doesn't sound like trump at all, does it? [ laughter ] then of course the president lashed out at tillerson on twitter. in response he wrote mike pompeo, tillerson's replacement, is doing a great job. i am very proud of him. his predecessor, rex tillerson, didn't have the mental capacity needed. he was dumb as a rock. couldn't get rid of him fast enough. he was lazy as hell. now it is a whole new ball game, great spirit.

by the way, here's what trump said about rex tillerson when he was trying to hire him. whether i choose him or not he is a world class player and deal maker. this is what he said when he did fire -- hire him. i've chosen one of the truly great business leaders of the world, rex tillerson, to be secretary of state. but now he's dumb and lazy as hell. speaking of lazy as hell, this was trump's official schedule today. they publish his schedule every day. here it is, 12:30, the president has lunch with the vice president. closed press. why is that closed to the press? of all the white house events there's nothing i'd love more than to see mike pence hand-feeding french fries to donald trump. [ laughter ] but he was up tweeting about the russia investigation. on friday you know special counsel robert mueller released a sentencing memo for trump's former lawyer michael cohen which among other things alleges the president directed cohen to make two illegal hush money

payments to keep karen mcdougal and stormy daniels quiet. "no smocking gun, no collusion." that's because there was no colugs so now the dems go to a simple private transaction, wrongly call it a campaign contribution, dot dot dot. then we date 14 minutes. i guess he went out and took a "smock" break during this time. but it wasn't, even if it was, it was a civil case like obama's it was done correctly by a lawyer. and if he made a mistake, cohen just trying to get his sentence reduced, witch hunt. and this is -- typos aside, this is some argument. donald trump is defending himself by reminding us about the hush money he paid to a porn star and a centerfold, which he calls a private transaction. a private transaction is when i order mama mia ii in a hotel on demand. [ laughter ] it's not giving hush money to a

mysteries. he's clearly panicked. i would not want to be a bucket of kfc in washington tonight. [ laughter ] and what about the smocking gun? this isn't the first time he's tweeted the word smocking. he did it in august and then deleted and reposted it with it smelled correctly. he has a lot of trouble with "ck." remember this tweet? that was a twofer. then this one. wow, big push back on andrew cuomo for his really dumb statement. andrew chocked badly. this is embarrassing. as a service to the country, i think we could help the president. a quick guide to "k" versus "ck." for example, mr. president, this is a photograph of you enjoying a snack, and this is you hissing like a snake. you see the difference? let's do another one. you used to be a jock. but now you are a joke.

[ cheers and applause ] if you get confused, use that as a guide. how many of you saw the trailer for the new avengers movie? [ cheers and applause ] a lot of people did. it was the most-watched trailer. in its first 24 hours ever. 289 million views in one day. 12 were from me. i have to be honest -- [ laughter ] i'm 51 years old, and it's embarrassing to me to be excited about a super hero movie. so i saw it was trending on twitter. i swear to god, i did this. i looked around to make sure my wife wasn't in the room, as if i was watching porn or something. [ laughter ] and i put my ear buds in and i watched it secretly. the whole time i nodded like i was reading something important. [ laughter ] this brexit situation is a real mess. oh, ant-man! we have a lot to keep us distracted. that's probably for the best. the avengers trailer, a new

season of "fortnight" has premiered, which i didn't know video games had seasons. i'm still on season 1 of "donkey con." but it is the reason kids, especially boys, no longer need feet. they don't leave their homes anymore because it is apparently so much fun. we decided we would have fun with a fortnite challenge. your mission, should you choose to accept it is to surprise your kid or friend or roommate by turning off the television while they're playing "fortnight." [ audience booing ] really? what i'd like you to do, sneak up on them, right when they seem to be at the most dramatic moment. at that moment, turn the television off. record the whole thing and post it to youtube with the title, hey, jimmy kimmel, i turned off the tv during fortnight. and once you post it, look for a message from us. through your youtube account. and we'll put the best ones on the show. and we'll give these kids a fortnight-mare they will never forget.

[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] here's another strange thing that people are doing. i mentioned this last week. sales of canned tuna fish have plummeted. canned tuna consumption is down 40% over the past three decades. and tuna companies believe the reason is because millennials don't want to go through the trouble of opening a can. [ laughter ] the vice president of marketing for star-kist said, "a lot of millennials don't even own can openers." i kind that reason hard to believe. we decided to put the theory to the test. we went on the street. we asked young people walking by to try to open a can of tuna. this is how that went. ♪ >> can i ask you a question? >> yes. >> can you open that can of tuna fish? >> okay, i will try.

it's been a while. >> can you open a can of tuna fish? >> i mean, i'm supposed to know. >> i haven't had one of these in a minute. [ bleep ]. >> i'm trying. i always have a problem with those. i don't know how to open those. >> i can't open it. >> so what happened here? >> it won't come open. >> you opened the can opener. here you go, try this. try not to break that one. it's our last can opener. >> i can't do it. >> did you break the other can opener? >> yeah. >> let me try this. i'll use this. >> no, not that way.

>> are you doing this to prove like that millennials can't open them because their company said the reason they don't sell tuna anymore is because we can't do it? yeah. >> yeah, pretty much. that's pretty much the whole premise of the entire thing. >> i think i'm going to get it. >> yeah, you're definitely proving them wrong. wonderful, nailed it. >> nailed it, yeah. >> do you feel you represent millennials? >> yeah, we're pretty capable, i feel like. >> look at that can of tuna fish. >> yeah, definitely. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight on the show, music from cole swindell. pete holmes is here. and we'll be right back with ellen degeneres. fact is, every insurance company hopes you drive safely. but allstate actually helps you drive safely...

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>> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. tonight, a gentleman who is the creator and star of his hbo show called "crashing." his new hbo standup comedy special is called "pete holmes: dirty clean." pete holmes is here. [ cheers and applause ] then this is his latest album, titled "all of it." cole swindell from the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] we have another show tomorrow night. tomorrow night, nicole kidman and ron livingston will join us, we'll have music from the smashing pumpkins, and later this week, will ferrell, john c. reilly, amy adams, matty matheson, jeff ross and dave attell, plus music from rita wilson and kurt vile. so please join us for all that. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight is a phenomenally successful and talented entertainer. she is a talk show host, actress, comedian, and cartoon fish.

december 18th she returns to the stage for her first standup special in 15 years. it's called "relatable." you can see it on netflix. please welcome ellen degeneres! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how's it going? very good to see you. [ cheers and applause ] thanks for coming. >> happy to be here. [ cheers and applause ] >> thanks a lot. >> jimmy: everyone's excited to see you because people assume you have gifts to give them, is that right?

[ cheers and applause ] >> i have nothing. it's his show. [ laughter ] do you ever give anything to anybody? >> jimmy: almost never, yeah. [ laughter ] sometimes i'll give people the flu if i have it, but that's about it. [ laughter ] >> nice kind of gift. but really, you never give anybody anything? >> jimmy: well, sometimes i'll stand outside at 5:00 a.m. to give the garbage man a tip. [ laughter ] no, i don't give people any, i don't have anything to give. nobody wants, nobody gives me anything to give anybody. >> they would if you would give it. >> jimmy: you think so? >> yes. if you ask somebody -- yes. [ cheers and applause ] once you get started. >> jimmy: right. >> it's hard to stop. >> jimmy: that's what i worry about. >> we shot our last "12 days" show today. >> jimmy: 12 days of -- right. >> you people act like you were there. >> jimmy: 12 days of giveaways,

you do it every year. >> every year, and people get really, really excited and sometimes we give the audience 12 days, like you'll come back for 12 days. they freak out. sometimes we wait for people to get tickets because that's the ticket everybody wants. everybody wants to go to that show. then sometimes we give our audience, if it was a really good audience, 12 days, but it's now to the point where i have to be so careful with what i say. just you mentioning it, people think that i'm giving something, and i'm not. [ laughter ] it's not my show. i have nothing. i would love to give all of you things. if it was me -- [ cheers and applause ] but people like free stuff. and you know that. >> jimmy: they do, they love it. >> it doesn't matter what it is, or if you need it or if you already have it. people just want free stuff. it doesn't get really tricky. i can't mention giveaway, people are on the edge of their seat. she's going to give us the

tickets! i can't mention the number 12, nothing. they get really, really excited. >> jimmy: it turns into, and i've been on your show at times when you've given stuff away. and it's like a black friday kind of thing, they're elbowing each other in the face trying to get a toaster. >> that's not my show, you're thinking of jerry springer. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. i was on jerry springer. hey, by the way, as i mentioned to you, i saw you the other night, and i mentioned that your standup special is terrific. it's so funny. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and you're so great on stage. it's hard to imagine that you haven't done this in such a long time. >> i was done with it. i did it for like 20 years. i used to joke all the time when i was touring, someday you'll all come to me, and now they do. [ laughter ] so i just stopped going out. they now come to me. >> jimmy: right. >> but it was, it was my life for 20 years. it was touring, and it was really hard. it was the beginning and nobody

knows who you are, and it was tough. when i was done with it, i was done. and it had been 15 years and it would be a challenge to do another one and i decided to start writing. and i'm really happy with it. >> jimmy: what did you miss the moat about it? was it the -- that working hard for those laughs? what was it? >> yeah, i wanted it to be a different me. people know me from my talk show, a lot of people know i did standup, but there are a lot of young people, i've been on the air for 16 years, and they just know my talk show, and i want them to know that i did something different, i did standup. >> jimmy: that's funny, yeah, i never really thought about that. but yeah. i became aware of you when you were very young. what was your big break in standup? what would you say was your big break? >> i was the funniest person in america. [ laughter ] that was it. [ cheers and applause ]

i had ten minutes of material, and i became the funniest person in america. it was a contest that showtime held, and i won. >> jimmy: wow. >> city, and then i won for the city. i won for the state of louisiana. then i was in the top five. and then i won the whole contest, and i became the funniest person in america, which is the worst title for anyone ever, ever, much less when you're starting out. and have nothing. i would be in a strip mall next to a yogurt shop and they would use that title, the funniest person in america. people eating their yogurt, oh my god, the funniest person in america is here. they would walk in and like, she's funny, but, you know, robin williams is funny. it was horrible. >> jimmy: and since then, you obviously has gone on to huge success. >> enormous. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: explain why the show is called "relatable." >> it's called relatable because my life is -- i get to -- i haven't done standup in 15 years.

my life has changed tremendously since i last did standup, and i was thinking, what am i going to talk about? i am relatable, very relatable. but then i started making -- i don't want to give anything away. it's called relatable because we are relatable, no matter if our lives are different. i get to peel back the curtain. it's a funny special, but it's also meaningful. i share things that happened in my life and things that changed my life. and what i believe that we all are, which is relatable. so it's funny, but it's also, it's a lot of things, so that's why. >> jimmy: we'll see a clip when we come back. ellen degeneres is here. it's her first standup comedy show in 15 years. it's called "relatable." we'll be right back.

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there's nothing more embarrassing than when you pass up a slow driver to show them the proper way of driving. you go around them and show them how they should be driving, and then you hit a red light, and you're watching them slowly creep up in your rear view mirror, and you're just, please change, please change, please change, please change. and the light doesn't change, so they just creep up alongside of you. i'm just going to look down here and touch that, see what that is right there with that, because i have to see this, and no i know you're next to me but you're still wrong even though you caught up. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is ellen degeneris. "relatable" on netflix starting december 18th. very right and very relatable. >> there's a lot of relatable things in there. >> jimmy: i've seen you drive on a number of occasions and i was

surprised that you were driving yourself. >> really? >> jimmy: yeah, i figured you'd be chaperoned in a hovercraft or something. >> i like to drive. i hate to be driven. do you drive? >> jimmy: always, yes, yeah. >> do you like to drive? >> jimmy: i love to drive. >> me too. are you a good driver? >> jimmy: i don't know about that. [ laughter ] i'm not a great driver. i have a terrible sense of direction. if it wasn't for gps i'd be out there trying to bring a pizza to someone's house in college. i'm not good. i had the thomas guide, the whole thing, i can't find where i'm going, ever. >> why would you be bringing someone a pizza? >> jimmy: i was a pizza delivery guy. >> i thought you meant now, like you're still bringing pizza. >> jimmy: it's not out of the question. >> i love to drive. i don't care about direction, because i know where i'm going, but i don't go anywhere that i don't know where i'm going, because that is confusing, but no, i love to drive. >> jimmy: you're a fast driver, too, aren't you? >> well, yes. yeah.

i drive a little bit above the suggested limit, you know? [ laughter ] because some of them are so low, i mean, some of them are like 30 miles an hour, and that's like, really? >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> i was going like 35 on my way to work the other day, and this guy was, a motorcycle cop was like, when they duck in, he was hidden. i just saw the front of him. and he had his gun, not the gun, but like the speeding gun. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: to shoot out your tires. >> yeah. [ laughter ] but he pulled me over because i was going 35 in 30, and he walked up and said, pulling you over because you were going 35 in 30, and then he kind of looked at me like he thought it might be me, and he said do you have a driver's license, and i handed him, and he says, you do a lot of good for the world, so -- [ cheers and applause ] and i'm like, okay. >> jimmy: pays off. >> but it's weird. i really don't speed that much, but i was speeding another time.

[ laughter ] on the freeway, and this guy, and this was after the fires a year ago, and i did a lot for our community up in montecito for the fires and mudslides, and i love firefighters and first responders, so i do a lot for them. i got pulled over for speeding. that time i was going fast. and it was just that feeling that, you know, that the light's behind you, and you just get so nervous. i pulled over, and he walks up to the side, i had the window down and he goes, listen -- oh, my wife loves you! and i was like oh, good. you want to get a selfie? he's like, okay! we took the selfie. so it helps. >> jimmy: that's a pretty good deal. >> yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: there are a lot of negatives to people recognizing you all the time. when you get pulled over, that's when it's not a negative anymore. >> and i really do drive safe. i don't want to say that -- because now the next person who pulls me over is going to be like, i'm going to get you. [ laughter ] can we talk about something else real quick before i go?

>> jimmy: yes, of course. >> all right. we saw each other this weekend at a party. at a party. and somehow your wife molly showed everyone your phone. do you have it with you? >> jimmy: yes, i do. >> can i see it? >> jimmy: yes. i don't know why i've become a laughingstock over this. but i have. >> i don't know how to turn it on. why do you have it? do you take selfies often? >> jimmy: never, no. >> show people what your phone is. >> jimmy: it lights up. >> it's like you're a kardashian. [ laughter ] look at that. [ cheers and applause ] >> keep it lit, keep it lit. why? >> jimmy: because first of all, i can't read in restaurants, and i like to be able to use it on the menu. [ laughter ] >> is that what it's for? >> jimmy: mostly, and i like to take pictures of my kids and i like to have a little light. >> molly was dancing around like it was fire, like that was a ceremony. >> jimmy: everyone laughs and laughs and laughs at me, and then they take it and say can we borrow that for a second? and it's like this.

>> yeah. the kardashians came up with that same thing. haven't seen that one -- >> jimmy: this is not the color necessarily i would have chosen, but i think i might have gotten this in a gift basket or something like that, so i used it. >> that's what it's for then, reading a menu or your kids. >> jimmy: exactly. >> everybody, the whole party, it was passed around and everybody -- >> jimmy: yes, and people put obscene pictures on it, too. >> oh, really. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i was walking out. it was getting late. it was 10:00. >> jimmy: you were ready to go. >> i left at 10:00. >> jimmy: you are very busy, and also "ellen's game of games" is coming back in january. >> yes, but there's a holiday. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. so the holiday special is wednesday night on nbc. and it's really fun. >> jimmy: will you be giving away these? >> what are they called? if i say it, i will. >> jimmy: they're called lumi. >> yes, i will be giving away lumis. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: okay, all right, great. >> lumis. >> jimmy: this was ellen's show, you would get one. but guess what, you're not getting any! [ laughter ] >> there's not that many of you. i could have brought you everything. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: next time. ellen degeneres, everybody. watch "relatable" december 18th on netflix. we'll be right back! agon. for saving the kingdom what doth thou desire? my lord? hey good knight. where are you going? ♪ ♪ climbing up on solsbury hill ♪ grab your things, salutations. coffee that is a cup above is always worth the quest. nespresso. tis all i desire. did thou bring enough for the whole kingdom? george: nespresso, what else?

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>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. our next guest is another exceptionally funny person who has a comedy special, too. "pete holmes: dirty clean" premieres saturday on hbo. from "crashing," please welcome pete holmes.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> good, i'm happy to be here. >> jimmy: congratulations to you. you have had an unbelievable year. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you got married. you have a baby. [ cheers and applause ] what am i missing? third season of "crashing," which is a show i happen to love. >> i know, you've been so kind and i really appreciate that. but obviously, the baby is the biggest. >> jimmy: baby's number one. >> she's very small. i saw you trying to get them to smile, my baby's apparently tripping on mushrooms. doesn't do anything but coo, very sweet. looks a lot like me. same butt, too. >> jimmy: oh, really. >> i was holding her after she took a bath and my wife took a picture to show me, and yeah. >> jimmy: lucky kid, i guess. >> i have the unformed bottom of a baby. >> jimmy: how are you doing as a father? how's that going for you?

are you a natural. >> it's going well. everybody gives you advice. did they? they were saying "don't shake a baby" when you had your baby? >> jimmy: i have four children. >> did they tell you four times, don't shake a baby? >> jimmy: honestly, they never told me not to shake the baby. maybe that's what happened -- no. >> jimmy kimmel, of course they did. it's a big thing. at the hospital, they're like, 20 nurses. each nurse came in to val and i and were like, seriously, don't shake a baby. [ laughter ] and then another nurse would come in. for real, though. never. there were posters that said never, ever shake a baby. >> jimmy: i've seen the posters. you think maybe it's because you're so big? they thought, oh -- >> posters that say please don't eat your baby's bones. and live in a cave. really. because i'm an ogre-like gentleman. >> jimmy: seems like that would go without saying. >> stop eating the neighbor's chickens. they have all these posters just

for me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how are your parents reactioning to their new grandchild? >> barely. >> jimmy: what do you mean, barely? >> they've seen her once. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> yeah. she's about 2 1/2 months. i understand. they live in boston. >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> they put it off. >> jimmy: how long did it take them to get out here? >> i don't know, it was pretty close to a month and a half. dad's like, we're going to the car show. he wants to walk around parts of corvettes, oh, same as last year. he wouldn't come and see the baby. finally they came and saw the baby. and i call and text them different times because the baby sleeps at different times, please come between 3:30 and 7:30. and my parents are not good with that, i guess. they're not people. with people you can be like, 3:30 to 7:30 and you say, i understand because i'm on earth as well. [ laughter ]

i get a text from my mother. my mother says we're going to be a little late, we got tickets to the 3:30 "a star is born." it's like a four-hour movie. mom, this is real. come whenever you want but the baby's going to go to bed at 7:30. and mom's like oh, i didn't know there was a window. yes, i gave you a window, that's what it is. she's like, you didn't say. you were busy the other times. i'm like, that's what a window is. they leave the movie. they only saw 20 minutes of "a star is born." >> jimmy: really? still went? still went. they wanted a taste, they wanted a taste. and they got there and they mostly talked about "a star is born." my dad is like, bradley cooper, lady gaga, she's got it. i'm like, you didn't even see it! stay with it. it gets sadder. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: they're more interested in stars being born than babies being born. >> that's exactly right. >> jimmy: yeah, okay. >> and my mother, this is 100% true -- she's going to hate this. my mom was like, we got you a

gift for the baby, but we left it at a diner in pasadena. could you go get it? [ laughter ] i was like, this is the opposite of help. that's not a gift. you're giving me an errand. [ laughter ] i don't know, i don't know, are your parents good with your baby? >> jimmy: very good, yes. >> i gave my mom the baby, three seconds later it's slinking down her. >> jimmy: really? >> like a salvador dali clock painting. how did you do this? the baby is dripping down from you. >> jimmy: wow. you're on your own. >> i'm a bit on my own. >> jimmy: yeah, you really are. >> valerie is very, very good. >> jimmy: your special is fantastic. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you're very funny, always and for sure in this special, called "pete holmes: dirty clean." watch it saturday night at 10:00 on hbo. pete holmes, everybody. and we'll return with music from cole swindell. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel

live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.

>> jimmy: i want to thank ellen degeneres and pete holmes. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first, this is his album "all of it." here with the song "love you too late," cole swindell! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> how y'all doin'? all right? ♪ ♪ i wish this whisky would make her miss me like i wish she did i wish she did ♪ ♪ pouring up another one won't change what i should've done ♪ ♪ before she left now all that's left is mile by mile and city by city ♪ ♪ she's getting over me and man it ain't pretty no ♪ ♪ she's out there rolling down

some old interstate wide open wide open couldn't make her stay ♪ ♪ probably cranking up some new freedom song wide open wide open won't pick up the phone ♪ ♪ while i'm dying here tonight staring goodbye in the face ♪ ♪ saying i love you too late ♪ i can't take back what i never said ♪ ♪ but if i could man i would ♪ try and make her see that me and tennessee want her back i wish it worked like that ♪ ♪ yeah if i had half a clue where she was heading now ♪ ♪ i'd do what i had to do to make her turn her car around ♪ ♪ she's out there rolling down

some old interstate wide open wide open couldn't make her stay ♪ ♪ probably cranking up some new freedom song wide open wide open won't pick up the phone ♪ ♪ while i'm dying here tonight staring goodbye in the face ♪ ♪ saying i love you too late ♪ ♪ ♪ yeah i shoulda held her close i shoulda let her know how i felt about her ♪ ♪ bout a couple county lines ago ♪ ♪ she's out there rolling down some old interstate wide open wide open i couldn't make her stay ♪ ♪ probably cranking up some new freedom song wide open wide open won't pick up the phone ♪

♪ while i'm dying here tonight staring goodbye in the face ♪ ♪ saying i love you too late yeah i love you too late ♪ ♪ yeah ♪ ♪ i love you too late ♪ i can't take back what i never said ♪ ♪ but if i could damn i would [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ i'd still walk in that bar a little drunk ♪

♪ i'd still ask you what you're drinking what's your name ♪ ♪ i'd still kiss you by the shuffleboard last call at 2:00 a.m. ♪ ♪ even though we break up in the end ♪ ♪ i'd introduce you to my mom and dad ♪ ♪ say i think i love her when you leave that room ♪ ♪ i'd still not take their advice when i say you're moving in ♪ ♪ even though we break up in the end ♪ ♪ even if i knew you'd be the one that got away ♪ ♪ i still go back and get you ♪ even if i knew you'd be my best and worst mistake ♪ ♪ oh i still make it with you

♪ over and over again and again even though we break up in the end ♪ ♪ i'd still play my favorite song in your car ♪ ♪ let you love me to it till it felt like ours ♪ ♪ now all i hear is you and me but i still let you ruin it ♪ ♪ even though we break up in the end ♪ ♪ even if i knew you'd be the one that got away ♪ ♪ i'd still go back and get you ♪ ♪ and even if i knew you'd be my best and worst mistake ♪ ♪ girl i'd still make it with you ♪ ♪ over and over again and aga again ♪

♪ even though we break up in the end ♪ ♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, fiance under fi. >> cops. >> after a move investigations, the break in the case of the missing colorado mom. >> next thing you know, bam! an arrest warrant issues. and whatever they found tells me kelsey is dead. >> fiance arrested for her murder. the location of her body still a mystery. the twists police are unraveling. plus uncanny nanny. mary poppins lands again. >> close your mouth, please, michael, we are still not a codfish. >> with practically perfect performance from emily blunt and lin-manuel