tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC December 26, 2018 11:35pm-12:37am PST
11:35 pm
i'm dan ashley. >> i'm ama daetz. for all of us, thanks for being >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- beastie boys mike d & ad-rock. from "queer eye" jonathan van ness. "this year in unnecessary censorship." and music from mitski. and now, goodness gracious, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. welcome. thank you very much. welcome. happy holidays. very kind. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. it's the most wonderful time of the year. as we prepare to go into hibernation, this is our last
11:36 pm
new show before christmas. so on behalf of all of us here, we wish you and your families a merry one. thank you for watching our show. even if you're watching from a bar at the airport right now. today is the heaviest travel day of the year. especially in new york and l.a. and here in l.a., every year on the local news we have a tradition in l.a. every year we see this. [ laughter ] this is gridlock porn is what this is. thousands of cars bumper to bumper going each way. we like to watch it because it means we're not in it. [ laughter ] it's weirdly kind of festive, looks like a candy cane. who says l.a. is a godless place? we even decorate the 405 here. [ laughter ] i came up with an idea, bring that in here. i had an idea. remember when you used to get christmas carolers in the neighborhood? doesn't really happen anymore. i have something i think could be a new holiday tradition. we call it the alexa christmas choir. okay? watch this. you have to be quiet at the beginning. alexa, sing "jingle bells."
11:37 pm
♪ oh jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way ♪ ♪ oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪ >> alexa, stop. ♪ jingle bells jingle bells alexa, stop! ♪ a one-horse open sleigh >> jimmy: alexa, stop! she won't stop. we have kinks to work out but you get the idea. it's nice. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: guillermo. >> guillermo: yeah? >> jimmy: bring that to the ocean and dump it in. >> guillermo: i will for sure. >> jimmy: spending time with family around the holidays is great. but it can be stressful too. you know how they say you can't go home again? unfortunately it's not true, you can. at christmas we do. so we asked some of the people who work here at our show to share the one thing they dread most about heading home for the holidays and this is what they had to say. >> the thing i dread most about going home for the holidays is that even though i'm an adult and i live with my boyfriend, i
11:38 pm
still have to ask permission for him to come over to my parents' house, and there has to be an adult at all times. at all times. >> the thing i'm dreading most about going home for the holidays is my parents have only one television. and they hog it and they only watch british law dramas. >> what i'm dreading about the holidays, guy back home to visit my cousin ricky and his wife judy, and they are very passionate lovemakers. i was there with my small children a couple of years ago. upstairs we heard bam bam bam bam bam coming from the room. my youngest says, what is that? i said, it's santa claus, he must be stuck in the chimney. bam bam bam! i want to see santa claus! i want to see santa claus! i had to stop him. eventually it stopped and i told him, i guess santa's not stuck in the chimney anymore. we're staying at a hotel this year. love you guys, happy holidays! >> my aunts ask me if i'm dating somebody. it's usually within five minutes of me being there. i'm doing a lot more things with my life than dating people.
11:39 pm
so it's fun. >> travel. sitting in traffic for hours and hours just to get to someplace that you don't really want to go to, to spend time with people you don't really want to see. my ideal holiday would be not going anywhere and spending it alone. happy holidays. >> okay, so i have to spend $2,500 to fly my family to new york, $150 on baggage fees, $200 for car service. i'm going to stay in the room i grew up in which pretty much has a twin bed. my dad puts the heat up to about 80, 85. then my dad just told me, i'm not going to get a tree this year, it's too much of a hassle. so merry christmas, kids. >> 40 years ago my dad found a dead deermouse on the side of the highway. he skinned it, stuffed it, preserved it. he's been putting it on our christmas tree ever since. it's a weird tradition, dad. >> jimmy: that's not a creature was stirring, not even that mouse.
11:40 pm
[ cheers and applause ] why is that in our office? guillermo. remind me when we get back to fire him, okay? >> guillermo: i will for sure. >> jimmy: very good. the president is heading home tomorrow. he's off to florida for 16 days. is the president allowed to go away for 16 days? that's like five scaramuccis worth of days. that's a lot of them. [ laughter ] tomorrow morning mike pence will be checked into a kennel and the president will jet to mar-a-lago. [ laughter ] his private club where trump will once again host his new year's eve party. two years ago he charged guests to this party $575 a head to come. last year it went up to $750 a head. this year he's charging $1,000 a head. $1,000 to ring in the new year with these two party animals. [ laughter ] that seems like fun. the whole trump family will be there. i wonder if he makes them pay to come to the party. [ laughter ] ivanka gets in free, everyone else, full price. it's a special holiday for the trumps this the year. this could be the last christmas don jr. will be able to spend
11:41 pm
with his dad without being separated by a glass partition. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] beautiful holiday. trump is leaving washington, d.c. an absolute mess. he caused quite a thing today. he announced today he's not going to sign a resolution to fund the government. this is a deal that was crafted by republicans. they thought he was going to sign it. he surprised them and said, i'm not signing it unless i get the $5 billion for my border wall. if he doesn't get that money, which he won't, tomorrow night at midnight the government will shut down, hundreds of thousands of workers won't get paid. basically trump is taking paychecks from federal employees at christmas time to punish congress for not paying for a wall he swore 500 times mexico would be paying for. so feliz navidad, everyone. but here's the twist -- [ cheers and applause ] the twist is the president might not need mexico or congress to pay for the wall because there's very dopey people ready to pay
11:42 pm
for it themselves. this trump supporter, brian colfad, started a gofundme campaign to raise $1 billion for the wall. he launched it on sunday. it's already up to almost $9 million. this is what people do with their disposable income when they don't have loans from college to pay off. [ laughter ] donating money for a wall that will never exist. it's like starting a college fund for harry potter. [ laughter ] it's a waste. a more useful thing to do with your money is feed it to a bird. [ laughter ] you do have to admire the sacrifice they're making. a lot of these people are dipping into their meth money for this. [ laughter ] on top of all that, trump's secretary of defense, general jim mattis, surprised everyone and resigned today. i guess the rumor is he disagreed with trump's decision to withdraw troops from syria, and as a result of that, he's now the 13th member of trump's cabinet to depart in 20 months. there are only 24 people in the cabinet, by the way. [ laughter ]
11:43 pm
that includes the vice president, who can't leave. eventually ben carson's going to be the only one left, eventually, if they can find him. has anyone seen him this year? [ laughter ] this has been a bigly week for the president -- [ cheers and applause ] two big things. he declared victory against isis, and he told supporters he won the war on christmas. he won two wars this week. of course the liberal media doesn't report it because all they want to do is tear him down. children need to know this president is fighting for their favorite holiday. with that said i am very pleased to present this soon to be best-selling book. this is called "how the trumps saved christmas." would you like me to read it to you? [ cheers and applause ] all right, here we go. the trump hated christmas like he hated don lemon, like he hates robert mueller and people in yemen. no one quite knows why he's made this whole season. his dad didn't love him, that could be a reason. it might have been fueled by the
11:44 pm
surly alt-right or just that his pants are four sizes too tight. whatever the cause is, his dad or his pants, his outbursts on twitter in capitalized rants, there's a war on christmas, he'd send with a sneer, to make maga hat wearers recoil with fear. it's not that he cared one way or the other, it's a hot-button issue that upsets your grandmother. if islamics and liberals get their own way they'll outlaw merry christmas, the trump he will say. they'll say season's greetings like we're all godless losers and force us to celebrate hanukkah-paloozas. it made the trump angry, he iced up his bone spurs and readied for war, unlike vietnam half a century before. if i'm powerful enough to stare into an eclipse, i can put merry christmas on everyone's lips. then he shouted and bellowed that santa's in danger and nancy pelosi will burn down the manger. then suddenly it was over and he put it in writing, that he'd won this big war no one knew we were
11:45 pm
fighting. he bragged to his followers on fox and on friends that it's safe to go say "merry christmas" again. he claimed he beat starbucks, he tore them to pieces. they printed up cups that said "happy birthday to jesus." that's how the trump saved christmas for all from the american heartland to the mexican wall. so the next time you hear "happy holidays," say, "wrong, merry christmas, the american way." [ cheers and applause ] and that is how the trump saved christmas. [ cheers and applause ] are any of you -- any of you going to see "aquaman" this weekend? [ cheers ] aquaman does battle with mary poppins this week. not literally, although it would be a good fight. i'd pay $15 to see mary poppins poke him with an umbrella. he hits back with a halibut. it could be a big thing. but anyway. "aquaman" set box office records --
11:46 pm
>> enough with aquaman, my goodness. give me a frigging break. >> jimmy: oh. [ cheers and applause ] did you say something? >> that's right. i said something. >> jimmy: oh, i remember you. you're prince nemo, right? [ laughter ] >> how dare you. nemo is a clownfish. do i look like a clownfish, jimmy? no, i am prince namor, aka the submariner. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. i'm sorry. you know, prince namor is a somewhat obscure marvel character -- >> obscure? >> jimmy: a little bit. he was here a few months ago. you were very upset you weren't in the avengers movie? >> that's the short version. >> jimmy: what brings you back here? >> well, i have another bone to pick with marvel, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh. >> i want to know why prince
11:47 pm
namor, aka the submariner, how come he doesn't get his own movie? what the hell does aquaman have that this doesn't? am i right, people? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: for starters, aquaman has a name that's not a paragraph long. and he also doesn't wear a shiny little speedo to work. >> excuse me? this is not a speedo, jimmy. okay? these are my panties from atlantis, all right? this is a very european look. >> jimmy: oh. >> have you ever even been to saint tropez? >> jimmy: no, i haven't. but aquaman also has that big, awesome, gold trident. do you have a weapon or anything like that? >> hello? do i have a weapon? only the horn of proteus, okay? which allows me to communicate with fish. >> jimmy: oh. see, that power is kind of lame. [ laughter ] >> you think it's lame, jimmy? you think the horn of proteus is
11:48 pm
lame? listen to this. [ horn playing ] >> ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my friend gavin. >> jimmy: oh. >> that's right. >> jimmy: okay. i understand. >> hi, gavin. >> jimmy: hi, gavin, how are you? welcome. >> hard to believe the show has never won the emmy. >> jimmy: it really is, yeah. [ laughter ] >> did you steal this from john oliver? i don't think so. [ laughter ] this is the horn of proteus, case closed. >> jimmy: all right. but the thing is, i just think aquaman is a little bit cooler than you, that's all. >> oh, really, okay. you know what, i think -- i think james corden is cooler than you. >> jimmy: oh. >> okay? >> jimmy: oh. >> let's go, gavin. oh, by the way, look. i have little wings on my feet, okay? that way i can fly away whenever i want to, all right? that's cool. >> jimmy: uh-huh.
11:49 pm
not really. [ laughter ] >> [ bleep ] you, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh, come on. >> [ bleep ] you. no, i don't care. i don't care. [ bleep ] you. [ bleep ] aquaman. >> jimmy: oh, come on now, don't say that. >> yeah. boy, i love being a preshow to "nightline," jesus. oh, by the way, everyone, remember, next time you go swimming in the ocean, that's where gavin and i go to the bathroom. >> jimmy: oh. >> merry christmas, jimmy. let's go, gavin, let's go. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's very sensitive. all right. all right, one more thing before we forge ahead. as the year draws to a close we celebrate it with the best bleeps that were needed or not. it's a special presentation, "this year in unnecessary censorship." enjoy. >> president trump hasn't exactly made your life as speaker any easier even though he obviously [ bleep ]s your [ bleep ] as a republican president would --
11:50 pm
>> what is the carrot that you're dangling for north korea to convince them to talk? >> we're not using a carrot to convince them to talk, we're using large [ bleep ]s. >> i don't know too much about [ bleep ]s. half the room is [ bleep ]s. look at these people. i can tell a [ bleep ]. i can smell a [ bleep ], believe it or not. >> he rolls him up, got him! >> dramatic video shows a [ bleep ] swallowed by a huge [ bleep ]. it happened on a colorado street. >> i remember vividly as a 9-year-old sitting in the kitchen getting my [ bleep ], [ bleep ] by my uncle. >> then also having this [ bleep ] in your mouth of getting this close but not finishing. >> come on, you, work! >> president putin, i want to thank you again for [ bleep ]ing ].. tout grion you want to show everyone at home exactly how you grip your [ bleep ] and walk us through it? >> just like this. >> i [ bleep ]ed a china woman,
11:51 pm
i [ bleep ]ed a black woman, i have [ bleep ]ed the washing woman -- dark, light -- >> this night is made a lot sweeter because i know you have four and i have five. >> yeah, well, i got news for you. [ bleep ], [ bleep ] is not hard to do. go ahead and give it a try. say to yourself, what would i like if i was the other guy? >> huh? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we've got a good show tonight. music from mitski. jonathan van ness is here. and we'll be right back with michael and adam from beastie boys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i really didn't expect to learn so many interesting details. ancestrydna was able to tell me where my father's family came from in columbia. they pinpointed the columbian and ecuador region and then there's a whole new andean region.
11:52 pm
that was incredibly exciting because i really didn't know that. we never spoke about that in my family. it just brings it home how deep my roots are and it connects me to them, and to their spirit, and to their history. 20 million members have connected to a deeper family story. order your kit at ancestry.com.
11:53 pm
to a deeper family story. ♪ pan pan pan paaaan what makes digiorno crispy pan pizza different than delivery? ♪ pan pan pan paaaan you bake it fresh in its own pan! giving our digiorno pizza a crispy, caramelized crust. ♪ paaaan it's not delivery, it's digiorno. hurry in for up to seventy five percent off storewide and all jeans on sale, with adults from fifteen dollars and kids from ten dollars, only at old navy. (atlas) with verizon? do humans like overpaying don't they know they can get the 3rd, 4th and 5th lines free with sprint? (paul) yeah that means sprint's unlimited plan gives you 5 lines for just $20 per month, per line.
11:54 pm
(mom) really? (atlas) yes and you can save more than $1,000 over verizon and at&t with sprint. (mom) no way! (dad) robots don't lie. (atlas) the man in the mom jeans is correct. (avo) switch today and get 5 lines for just $20 per month per line. see how you can save more than for people with hearing loss, $1,000 in the first year with sprint. visit sprintrelay.com stocat kohl's!e... it's time to spend your kohl's cash! with up to 70% off clearance! save 50-60% on outerwear... and sweaters save on sleepwear... and 70% on holiday decor! plus - stock up on denim... and save on bed and bath! this week - at kohl's! discover.o. i like your card, but i'm absolutely not paying an annual fee. discover has no annual fees. really? yeah. we just don't believe in them. oh nice. you would not believe how long i've been rehearsing that. no annual fee on any card. only from discover.
11:56 pm
>> jimmy: great. billy eichner, thank you. tonight, from the netflix show "queer eye," jonathan van ness is here. to turn our lives around. then, her latest album is called "be the cowboy," mitski from the mercedes-benz stage. our first guests tonight earned their licenses to ill more than 30 years ago. they've grown from beastie boys to beastie men right before our eyes. their whole story is here. "beastie boys book." please welcome mike d and ad-rock, michael diamond and adam horovitz. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
11:57 pm
>> jimmy: are beastie boys fans of the bosstones? is that what happened there? >> yes. >> i feel like a [ bleep ] toddler, look at this. i don't even reach. >> jimmy: we do it to humiliate our guests. you're not a short guy. why is that? i don't know what's going on with these chairs. >> i wanted to show off my socks. [ cheers and applause ] >> who gave you those socks? >> mike gave me these socks. >> jimmy: there you go, nice. [ cheers and applause ] i saw your live show. you did this great two-man show here in l.a. you talked about your lives, a lot of the stories in the book -- >> it reclines! >> jimmy: you fidgeted with the furniture in this way. it was just -- it was so interesting. it was so enlightening in a lot of ways. i think what i took from it more than anything, what great friends you really are.
11:58 pm
you really are good friends. [ cheers and applause ] >> my body language says otherwise. >> we could both fit in here if you want to be in here. >> jimmy: when you set out to write this book, could you imagine it would wind up weighing 14 pounds? this thing is chock full of stuff. not just stories. pictures in here which a lot of people do, but you have a comic book in here, artwork -- >> cookbook. >> a graphic novel, i mean, abbreviated graphic novel. >> jimmy: one other fun thing in the book, this is a report card. it was in the sleeve of a cool mo-d album, correct? >> am i being deposed? yes, yes. >> jimmy: he gave grades and an actual number to each member of the rap community at this time. what year did this come out?
11:59 pm
>> actually '88, maybe? it would have to be after "license to ill." 1988. >> jimmy: cumo-d, different categories, vocabulary, articulation, creativity, he gives himself 10s in almost every category, a 95, a-plus. ll cool j gets 90, dougie fresh, an 86. a b-plus run dmc. beastie boys, actually, you got the lowest grade of anybody. >> yeah. >> jimmy: a "c." >> we have the absolute worst grade. >> he thinks we suck. clearly. that's okay. >> jimmy: it's not even suck. he didn't even give you an "f," he gave you a "c," which is kind of worse. >> that's true. yeah. >> jimmy: what was cool mo-d's deal with that? did you ever speak to him about this? >> we have not confronted him. [ laughter ] >> no. >> it's weird because we love cool mo-d. we love treacherous three and they're a huge deal. then that comes out, and wow. that's actually kind of funny.
12:00 am
>> jimmy: at the time did you think it was funny? >> real funny. >> jimmy: pretty funny, yeah. you guys lived together a number of times. not just when you were starting out, you continued to live together after you were successful. one of the places you live is an apartment in chinatown. >> adam -- >> jimmy: you and adam yount. lived in a place in chinatown. >> we cohabited, yes. >> jimmy: it was a weird place? >> it was not your regular apartment. the floor was paved with asphalt. so if you walked on it with bare feet, your feet would be black. >> jimmy: yeah, bad for indoors. >> there was an issue with vermin. otherwise known in new york city as rats. >> jimmy: yep. >> yeah. >> jimmy: there was -- >> there was a bathtub in the middle of the room. >> jimmy: bathtub in the kitchen, right? >> it was just one room, so a bathtub in the middle of it, a sort of kitchen next to it, and curtains for bedrooms. >> and there was no shower. the only way to get clean was in
12:01 am
the bathtub, in the kitchen. >> right. >> which put you on full public display within -- i would call this place a loft, but it's like loft people would think it's something out of "9 1/2 weeks." this is not that. >> jimmy: not that at all. >> it's a sexy movie. >> look at you. >> jimmy: you were talking about eating in the bathtub? >> i would be on the phone with youk, this happened a couple of times. be on the phone with adam yauch. and in the middle of the call he'd be like, oh, no, mike's doing it again. what? he's like, he's taking a bath but standing up getting snacks out of the refrigerator. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you mentioned this painting. you depict what happened there. guillermo, make sure we see that whole thing there, yeah. >> wow. i know adam still finds this a little bit shocking. >> jimmy: yeah, it is shocking. >> i want to say this was a very efficient use of my time. [ laughter ]
12:02 am
i'm taking care of the whole hygiene. i'm hydrating. tropicana. and, you know, probably hungry. snacks. >> jimmy: what's the most difficult thing to eat in the bathtub? >> well, adam did point out the other day that eating in the bathtub meant crumbs fell into the bathtub. is that clean? are those clean crumbs? >> jimmy: that's going to have to an question you ask god after you die. [ laughter ] >> a cookie crumb. you wouldn't rub cookies on you. you could. >> this is why we don't have a spa. >> jimmy: right, a bath bomb. >> infused water. >> jimmy: we have something special when we come back. mike and adam are here. they're covered with cookie crumbs, it's disgusting. we'll be right back with beastie boys after this!
12:03 am
! we're included? included! ♪ ♪ at t-mobile get the unlimited plan and the latest phones included for $40 dollars. feels so good to be included. stocat kohl's!e... it's time to spend your kohl's cash! with up to 70% off clearance! save 50-60% on outerwear... and sweaters save on sleepwear... and 70% on holiday decor! plus - stock up on denim... and save on bed and bath! this week - at kohl's!
12:04 am
so mom's making a deliciously easy dip. two cups of sour cream, bacon, and of course a packet of hidden valley ranch. that's how delicious is done. it's time to ranch out with the original, hidden valley ranch. save on thousands of clearance itemsave 50% on apparel.et. up to 50% on home. and up to 50% on beauty and more. only at target.
12:05 am
12:08 am
♪ everybody hurts sometimes this is an outrage because syke is a director, and since i was a small boy i dreamed syke would win this, and now this happened, and i just want to tell everyone that this is a farce, that i had all the obvious -- >> jimmy: that is the late great adam yauch, doing kanye before there was a kanye. >> funny every time. >> jimmy: michael stipe looked on. that was pretty great. >> i'd give to it michael stipe. he kept his composure. he kind of said wow, acknowledged it, and moved on. >> jimmy: and he said, i had the
12:09 am
idea for "star wars" and everything. >> and everything. >> jimmy: literally nothing to do with anything that was going on there. yeah, he was great. was he the kind of leader of the group, if there is one? is he the force behind the group? >> i thought i was. >> yeah, we'll talk about that later. i don't know, i feel like he was -- for both of us -- you know, when you're kids if you're a year older it seems like, in adult years, that's like ten years older. it was that kind of thing. he was the older brother for us both. and we talk about it in the book that he just somehow had this capacity to know things. adam and i are constantly like, how does this guy, how does he know how to like wire this and fix a microphone and record drums and flip the tape backwards and make a great paella? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm sure you hear from
12:10 am
people in hip-hop all the time that you had a big influence on them. and i also want to mention that you had an influence on someone who is not at all in hip-hop. and that person is me. because when you guys first came to be, i enjoyed your music and cleto -- >> you're stumbling on this. >> jimmy: our band member cleto and i started our own rap group, the j-boys. we called him junior because he's a junior. me, junior, jimmy, and our other friend jimmy. we made an album and everything. we even created a platinum record for ourselves. [ cheers and applause ] that's us. it was a cassette, it wasn't an album. >> needlepoint? >> jimmy: no, it's painted on a sweatshirt. i painted it. the paint i was using for cleto was darker than it should have been. [ laughter ]
12:11 am
i didn't have that many paints. but boy, i mean, this has got to make you feel proud. >> we made our mark. >> jimmy: yeah. so thank you for that. i mean, it made us very popular in high school. >> can we play some of the songs? >> jimmy: no, no. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the songs have all been destroyed. >> soul love? what is the soul love? >> jimmy: i don't know what it was, i don't know. >> you know it's a david bowie song with a really good beat at the beginning. >> jimmy: we didn't know that, we weren't that cool. we didn't know any of that stuff. i think we were listening to whitney houston and came up with it. >> cleto: i think so. >> jimmy: yeah, that's what happened to us, yes. are you doing any more live shows? >> there's some stuff for 2019. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: do it. it should be available to all. this is the book, the beastie boys' book. mike and adam! we'll be right back.
12:12 am
♪ we the jayboys ♪ matt: whoo! whoo! jen: but that all changed when we bought a house. matt: voilà! jen: matt started turning into his dad. matt: mm. that's some good mulch. ♪ i'm awake. but it was pretty nifty when jen showed me how easy it was to protect our home and auto with progressive. [ wrapper crinkling ] get this butterscotch out of here. progressive can't protect you from becoming your parents. there's quite a bit of work, 'cause this was all -- this was all stapled. but we can protect your home and auto when you bundle with us. but we can protect your home and auto (woman) hey mom, about tomorrow, we're g(grandma)ave to cancel. oh no. (woman) it's kevin. (kevin) i have head lice. (kevin) now the couch has lice! (grandma) i'll mail your gifts. (vo) portal. buy any 2 and get $100 off ♪ pan pan pan paaaan what makes digiorno crispy pan pizza different than delivery? ♪ pan pan pan paaaan you bake it fresh in its own pan it's not delivery, it's digiorno.
12:13 am
12:14 am
a may to remember ♪ a july to remember or a september to remember all starts with a december to remember. find the gift that keeps on giving at the lexus december to remember sales event. experience amazing at your lexus dealer. hurry in for up to seventy five percent off storewide and all jeans on sale, with adults from fifteen dollars and kids from ten dollars, only at old navy.
12:15 am
(woman) (parawh, you're having oh han ugly sweater party?ys! (dad) what? (woman) oh...no... (dad) uh, are you throwing a burnt cookie party? ♪ the new capital one savor card. earn 4% cash back on dining and 4% on entertainment. now when you go out, you cash in. what's in your wallet? now when you go out, you cash in. a peaceful night sleep without only imagine... frequent heartburn waking him up. now that dream is a reality. nexium 24hr stops acid before it starts for all-day, all-night protection. can you imagine 24 hours without heartburn?
12:18 am
12:19 am
some of us don't die with bullets. some of us can bend steel. are you ready to show the world... what we are capable of? this won't be like a comic book. [ yelling ] do you want to take the path or the shortcut? not too fast. (vo) you do more than protect parks when you share the love. you protect our future. get a new subaru, like the all new forester, and charities like the national park foundation can receive two hundred and fifty dollars from subaru. (avo) get zero percent during
12:20 am
the subaru share the love event. stocat kohl's!e... it's time to spend your kohl's cash! with up to 70% off clearance! save 50-60% on outerwear... and sweaters save on sleepwear... and 70% on holiday decor! plus - stock up on denim... and save on bed and bath! this week - at kohl's! sometimes we forget what is ilike baseball? like you! diagnosed with an aggressive cancer, johan came to st. jude children's research hospital. our discoveries have helped to increase the overall childhood cancer survival from 20% to 80%. and we won't stop until every child survives. how big is 80%? this big! visit stjude.org or shop wherever you see the st. jude logo. ♪ and you're wondering who to call ♪♪
12:21 am
12:23 am
>> jimmy: our next guest has the greatest blow-out slash handlebar mustache combo in all the western world. he is one-fifth of "queer eye" on netflix. starting in february, you can see him on his first comedy tour called "road to beijing." please say hello to jonathan van ness. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: look at you. what is this you're wearing? >> a little romper. >> jimmy: a romper, okay. >> just a romper. showing a little leg, it's great. >> jimmy: you do have nice legs. i see what's going on, you're pretending it's fashion but you want to show off your legs. >> what am i doing all this for if i'm not going to show off a bit? >> jimmy: a lot of ice skating. you're trying to get in the olympics? >> if adam rippon has retired, i see my opening. >> jimmy: aren't you too tall for ice skating? >> i'm too old, i'm too not good.
12:24 am
[ laughter ] but i think that i just want to be a spectator so bad. i'm just going to go watch the olympics in beijing. >> jimmy: you're setting the bar very, very low. really all you're saying is you want a ticket. >> exactly. >> jimmy: you don't have to train for that. >> who says? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i guess it couldn't hurt. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how are you doing? what's going on with you? >> i'm distracted by how handsome you are in real life, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh, wow. [ cheers and applause ] >> honestly, i love a politically engaged man. that dr. seuss moment gave me every bit of life i ever needed. [ cheers and applause ] i love to exercise, i love to skate. i especially love to exercise my first amendment rights and it's so great to see you doing that. >> jimmy: that's a great slogan. [ cheers and applause ] my wife started watching the show. she's like, you have to watch this show. i'm like, what's in this for me? >> there's so much for everyone. >> jimmy: it is a great -- you know, and it's -- people who
12:25 am
haven't seen it think, the other "queer eye" was a fun version of the show but this is moving, this show. how did you wind up on it? >> well, i grew up -- queer was such an important conversation with my family, one of the first places where i could really speak to my grandparents and have a conversation topic that was amazing gay men living their truths and not have it be -- it was a proud, amazing moment. to be a part of it now is really important. and so -- >> jimmy: how did you even find out about it? >> it was on the internet, honey. they're rebooting the show, they're going to turn red states pink one makeover at a time. i was like -- [ laughter ] i'm from rural mississippi, like the mississippi river. i wanted to be a part of this pink makeover. >> jimmy: yeah, sure. and so you auditioned? or did somebody know you? >> so you go, and i was like, you go and you chat, and then after you chat you do this little kind of video interview thing.
12:26 am
then after that they narrowed it down to like -- i think there was like 50 of us. like 50 really talented gay men descending upon this ballroom in glendale, california. >> jimmy: in glendale? >> uh-huh. and we basically kind of mingled each other to death, kind of. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> but in a really loving way. because at the end of the day, we all really -- it kind of is like -- like "america's top model," there's the top two and everybody's like, i want this so bad. that's what we were all like. we all really wanted to create the show. and the five of us wanting it, being in that position, wanting it so much, we all supported each other through this three days of heartburn. >> how did they tell you? there on site? >> no, no. there was like a top ten, honey. she was like a top ten. then you didn't know. a week later we found out. you know you audition for something, there's nondisclosures? >> jimmy: right. >> i was really good about that. >> jimmy: were you?
12:27 am
[ laughter ] >> yep. i was doing my client's hair. my assistant and i were there. the phone rang. i saw it was them. oh my god, you guys, don't make a sound, i'm going to put this on mute and speakerphone, but you didn't hear a thing, got it? [ laughter ] that's what happened. then ring around the roses, jumping and screaming, oh my gosh. it was just -- and now i have these four new life friends. these pictures of my little baby, i love them so much. >> jimmy: it does seem like you guys like each other. it's a great group. >> really lucked out with that. >> jimmy: you were going off on your own with this standup comedy tour. >> embarking on this standup comedy tour. >> jimmy: the road to beijing, you're not going to china? >> i don't want to put myself in a box. [ laughter ] as i joke about my figure skating, i do feel like i'm taking her seriously. maybe i will. actually, my dad is from kyrgyzstan and i can get on their figure skating team. >> jimmy: i bet you could do that. >> he's not. he's for sure -- >> jimmy: is there a kyrgyzstan?
12:28 am
>> i don't know. it could be my genovia way to get in. i just want to go bad, you know? isn't the olympics about participation, inclusion? >> jimmy: this is something you've been training for since you were -- >> for four weeks. >> jimmy: since you were a little boy. >> four weeks. >> jimmy: in the sixth grade you were in the school talent show? >> i did a floor figure skating routine. >> jimmy: we found a video. >> no, you didn't. >> jimmy: we did. do you mind if we show it? >> i am so happy. that was it. oh, honey. oh, she's going to do it. leap, honey, leap. i designed this top, honey. the mask was all my idea. my mom also said to me, she said, honey, if you do this, they're never going to let you live it down. and i was like, and? the problem is? >> jimmy: you were very confident. >> look at her! >> jimmy: you're actually good at it. >> oh, my big axle moment, yes!
12:29 am
oh my gosh, that combination was stunning! that was a single axle, single toe loop. take no prisoners, i took the gold in that. >> jimmy: if there is a sock ice dancing competition, i have a feeling you're going to at least place, if not win. >> jimmy, let me tell you something. i was a male cheerleader. it is incredibly hard to embarrass me. that is as close as you could come. [ laughter ] in real life. like on this -- on this stage. i think i'm not turning red but i couldn't tell you for sure. >> jimmy: you have a slight mist on your forehead. >> she's got a slight mist. i love that that video finally surfaced. i've been waiting for the day that would finally happen, and here it is. >> jimmy: now you know you're famous. jonathan van ness, everybody! "road to beijing" kicks off february 28th in philadelphia and season 3 of "queer eye" returns to netflix next year. and we'll return with music from mitski. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes benz. the best or nothing.
12:31 am
12:32 am
and apologize to matt damon. we ran out of time for him all year now. "nightline" is next, but first, her album is called "be the cowboy." here with the song "nobody," mitski! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ my god i'm so lonely so i open the window to hear sounds of people ♪ ♪ to hear sounds of people venus planet of love was destroyed by global warming ♪ ♪ did its people want too much too did its people want too much ♪ ♪ and i don't want your pity i just want somebody near me guess i'm a coward i just want ♪
12:33 am
♪ to feel alright and i know no one will save me i just need ♪ ♪ someone to kiss give me one good honest kiss and i'll be alright ♪ ♪ nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody ♪ ♪ ooh ♪ nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody ♪ ♪ i've been big and small and big and small and big and small again ♪ ♪ and still nobody wants me still nobody wants me ♪ ♪ and i know no one will save me
12:34 am
i'm just asking for a kiss give me one ♪ all right ♪e kiss and i'll be ♪ nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody ooh ♪ ♪ nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody ♪ ♪ nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody ♪ ♪ nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody ♪
12:35 am
12:36 am
12:37 am
last ones out ♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, free tyra. sentenced to more than 40 years in prison for a murder she says she had nothing to do with. the victim's own sister coming to her defense. and the campaign to set tyra patterson free. >> i am tyra patterson. >> how she transformed herself in prison. >> the only way i couldfying is educate myself. >> how she's using her story to change lives. the jaw-dropping outbursts. >> god [ bleep ] -- i got the [ bleep ] -- >> the controversial comments. >> when i was a kid that was okay as long as you were dressed as a character -- >> a look at the cringe-worthy moments of 2018. but first the "nightline 5."
217 Views
IN COLLECTIONS
KGO (ABC) Television Archive Television Archive News Search ServiceUploaded by TV Archive on