thanks for wa >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- seth macfarlane, from "i'm sorry", andrea savage, and music from kodak black. and now -- you better watch out -- jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. hi, everyone. that's very nice of you. thank you. i'm jimmy. thank you very much.show. thank you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] welcome. welcome. happy holiday yet.

christmas eve is going to be a week away and it doesn't look like it's going to be a very jolly one for the president of the united states. santa is bringing a stocking full of problems to donald trump. it has been a terrible holiday season for him. he's facing multiple criminal investigations. he's losing cabinet members. he lost the house, and on top of everything else the dna test he ordered came back, and eric and donald junior are his. it's very sad. trump is so frustrated right now. he wants to build that wall just to bang his head against it. [ laughter ] he was tweeting his emotions over the weekend. yesterday he wrote a real scandal is the one-sided coverage hour by hour of networks like nbc and democrat spin machines like "saturday night live." it is all nothing less than unfair news coverage and dem commercials. should be tested in court. can't be legal. only defame and belittle. collusion? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, not collusion.

collusion is that thing you did with russia. remember when he was running for president and he said he would come up with a plan to stop isis in 30 days. we're two years in, he can't even stop "saturday night live." never mind isis. [ applause ] and then he blasted out at his former lawyer michael cohen sentenced to three years for multiple crimes including illegal hush money payments made to the president's mistresses during the campaign. remember, he wrote michael cohen only became a rat after the fbi did something which was unthinkable and unheard of until the witch hunt was started. they broke into an attorney's office. why didn't they break into the dnc to get the server or crooked's office and of course by broke into an attorney's office, he means got a search warrant and went in unannounced like the fbi always does. he's not even claiming to be innocent. he just wants other people to get in trouble, too. we're a month away from the

president tweeting snitches get stitches. now, the president's -- michael cohen is the president's former lawyer. his current dummy lawyer, former mayor rudy giuliani, was dispatched to make the round on the morning talk shows yesterday when he presented a very unorthodox defense of the payments his client made to keep stormy daniels and karen mcdougal quiet during the campaign. >> the amount of money is consistent with harassment, not truth. i have been involved in cases like this. when it's true and you have the kind of money that the president had, it's a million dollar settlement. when it's not true, when it's a harassment settlement and it's not true, you give them $130,000 or $150,000. >> jimmy: is that how they teach it in hush money school in if the i go running for president had sex he would pay them $1 million. no sex, the rate is much lower than that. and if they're getting $150,000 for not having sex with the

president, i'd like to file a claim for my check. i didn't have sex with him either. this is good. this might be rudy giuliani's least convincing attempt to defend the president yet. >> suppose he tried to use his campaign funds to pay off stormy daniels. it would be totally illegal. if it's not a campaign expense it can't be a campaign contribution. >> but the corporate contribution from ami would be clearly illegal. >> no, it would not be. >> jimmy: not according to my made-up law. giuliani also called into question the credibility of star witness michael cohen. >> i have a client and i'm fiercely loyal to him and i tape him and i hide it and i don't tell him. that's not fiercely loyal. it's fiercely disloyal. just the opposite. i'm only thinking about me, my own skin. southern district says you can get out of jail if you do this. you've got three years now. there's a real motivation to sing like crazy. he's got to do a lot of singing to get out of the three years. he will say whatever he has to say. he's changed his story four or five times.

>> so has the president. >> president's not under oath. >> jimmy: also, george, this is key. the president had his fingers crossed, tiny little fingers were legally crossed throughout all those stories and that's significant. giuliani also stopped by fox news to have a chat with chris wallace but if he thought that would be a friendlier place to share these cockamamie stories, he was wrong. >> i had to fire general flynn because he lied to the vice president and the fbi. he has pled guilty to those lies. the president a year ago seemed to know that flynn has lied, and now he's not so sure. >> the president doesn't know that he lied. the president -- >> he tweeted it. >> he knows what you knew at the time. the man pled guilty to lying. >> no, no, no. he knows -- he knows what flynn said to his vice president. >> yes, that was a lie, but that's not a crime. >> i understand. i didn't ask you if it was a crime. i asked whether it was a lie. >> chris, you're going all over

the place and you're really confusing people. >> first of all -- >> well, you are. >> jimmy: like, i'm getting secondhand dementia watching this. but trump summoned all his creatures from the origin lagoon yesterday, including senior adviser stephen miller and it appears it got a lot of attention thanks to his hair. this is what stephen miller's hair usually looks like and this was his hair yesterday on face the nation. he went to the barber and said, give me the nicholas cage. did he think we wouldn't notice that? there's some debate as to whether it was sprayed on or painted on? i have a third theory. i believe if we zoom if there's a colony of ants living on stephen miller's head, and then he showed up to work today without the new hair. so, the witch hunts are really starting to add up. the president is the facing investigations, the trump organization, trump foundation, the transition team, the trump inauguration committee, the

trump campaign, the trump administration, of course, donald trump himself. trump right now is basically a guy who got pulled over for a broken taillight and is praying the cops don't find the body in his trunk. it's a scary time for the president but fortunately help is just one doctor's note away. >> are you feeling depressed? experiencing moon swings? >> i am proud to shut down the government. >> prone to outbursts and the tantrums? >> you are a rude terrible person. you shouldn't be working for cnn. >> incoherent. >> bing, bing, bong, bong. >> becoming absent mooiinded an forgetful? now there is hope. foxycontin that delivers it direct to your brain and erases reality and replacing it with the knowledge that everything you're doing is great again. stoneman douglas yo ask your crazy-looking doctor if it's right for you.

do not take foxycontin if you have access to nuclear codes. foxycontin can have side affects, including twitter meltdowns, misspellings and an inexplicable love for jared kushner. when you're feeling unbalanced, it works. that i can tell you. >> available at walgreens. >> jimmy: maybe they should build a walgreens instead of a law. wall. now it's time for the public service portion of our show. step over here if you would. there's an organization called the world against toys that harm children -- i don't know, it's called w.a.t.c.h. released its list of the 10 worst toys for the holiday season, toys that are considered to be too dangerous to leave under the tree and we've collected all them here to educate you on this important subject because there's nothing more important than the safety of your children. at number ten, we have on the worst toys list, this is the pull along dog. this is dangerous because the rope is obviously a strangulation hazard. so if you have this, throw it

out or cut the rope off, okay? number nine is this is a power rangers super ninja steel super star blade. the point of the blade is kind of sharp and then when you do it, it's spring loaded so it can go right into your eye. do not use this or it will kill you and your whole family, okay? number eight on the list, babies first gas can. this comes with two liters of high-octane gasoline which can obviously lead to poison or explosion in a baby's hands. so, again, all right. number seven, mr. tobacco head. this is not for children, especially children who do not smoke. the sixth most dangerous toy of the year goes hand in hand with that one. it's called hungry, hungry zippos. these are, as you can see, real zippo lighters that will light

up and will set your home ablaze. remember, fire and children don't mix. at number five, this is a toy inspired by the former head of miramax films. this is tickle me weinstein. it's a giggling and disgusting harvey weinstein toy, all right. we'll put that with the zippo lighter. next we have the my little pony keg, a half gallon of something kids should never, ever drink. beer. let's see. number three on the list, chokables, self-explanatory. number two on the list, this one is terrible. this is called the grenadamils. this is a real decommissioned grenade with a toy inside and if you pull the pin, you see, the toy comes out but again, not something you want to teach the kids about and the most

dangerous, the number one most dangerous toy for the year 2013 is crack in the box. that's right. turn the handle, and you've got real rocks of crack cocaine which you should never give your child. anyway, you're welcome, everybody. in addition to ill-advised toys, one thing you can always count on this time of year is a good deal of right wing commotion over the so-called war on christmas. in some people's minds, this is a thing. so we wanted to see if we can put this silliness to rest. live now from his workshop, please say hello to santa claus. hello, santa. there he is. [ applause ] you're looking very fit and may i say happy holidays to you, santa. >> happy holidays, my ass. listen, it's christmas, you godless hollywood snowflake. >> so you're actually bothered by this silly war on christmas thing. >> listen, there's nothing silly

about the war on christmas. hundred of elves gave their tiny little lives to keep the liberals from killing christmas for good! >> i had no idea that this was happening. what is that? is that a -- is that a maga hat you're wearing? >> it's a mcga hat, make christmas great again and that's exactly what president trump is doing. >> hold on a minute. you're a trump supporter, santa? >> you're [ bleep ] right you loony left wing pussyfoot. in fact, i'm actually in my new workshop at what i call the winter north pole, mar-a-lago. >> jimmy: i guess that's more pleasant at your age. how do you ride your sleigh in florida to deliver all the toys? >> oh, i don't do that anymore. seems that eric and don jr. shot most of my reindeer.

. >> jimmy: oh no. >> they made golf club covers out of them. >> jimmy: oh, boy. >> anyway, i don't need reindeer. they are crawling with lice. >> jimmy: okay. >> they don't sing about that in that rudolph song. >> jimmy: no, they don't. >> and i'll tell you something else. i'm sick of delivering toys. the only thing kids should be getting for christmas is coal. >> jimmy: coal? >> a stocking full of clean burning coal. >> jimmy: coal even for the good boys and girls. >> especially for the good boys and girls. listen, coal is the future, jimmy, but make no mistake. kids aren't getting coal this year. they are not getting anything. >> jimmy: why not? why aren't kids getting anything? >> because santa doesn't believe in welfare. >> jimmy: oh. >> if these kids want toys, they can get the hell out of their play pens and go get a job. >> jimmy: come on, santa. >> listen.

santa doesn't believe in welfare. santa doesn't believe in global warming, and santa doesn't believe that gay people have belly buttons. >> jimmy: wait, i'm sorry. what was that last thing? >> gays have no belly buttons. you don't believe it. look it up. >> jimmy: i have to say, no offense, but i think i like the old santa a lot better. >> well, that santa is dead now. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> and the new santa. >> jimmy: you all right, santa? >> the new santa is about to go have a little roll around the yuletide log with a hooters waitress. >> jimmy: well, you are in florida. but aren't you worried mrs. claus will find out about that, santa? >> oh, mrs. claus. not at all. my lawyer, michael cohen, has it all figured out. >> jimmy: all right. well, thank you for your time, santa. we appreciate it. i know you're busy. >> ho, ho, ho, you [ bleep ]

fruitcake. >> jimmy: wait a minute. >> someone help me up from here. >> jimmy: thank you, santa. that was santa claus. [ cheers and applause ] we have music from kodak black. andrea savage is here. and we'll be right back with seth macfarlane so stick around. [ applause ] (urgent drumming) ♪ (drumsticks clatter) (lights clank off)

♪ but one blows them all out of the water. hydro boost from neutrogena®. with hyaluronic acid to plump skin cells so it bounces back. neutrogena® so it bounces back. (vo) my digestive system used to make me feel sluggish. but those days are over. now, i take metamucil every day. it naturally traps and removes the waste that weighs me down, so i feel lighter. try metamucil and begin to feel what lighter feels like.

take the metamucil two week challenge and lighten up. just take metamucil every day for two weeks. are you ready for the challenge? get started at metamucil.com.

"mmm..."mhm"ievable" ♪

♪ >> jimmy: hi, everyone. welcome back. tonight, her show is called "i'm sorry." you can see it on trutv. andrea savage is here. then, this is his album, "dying to live." kodak black from the mercedes-benz stage. tomorrow night, john cena and

ayza gonzález will be with us, and we'll have music from skylar grey. and later this week, ben stiller, mike and adam from the beastie boys. from the new movie "roma," marina de tavira and yalitza aparicio, from "queer eye" jonathan van ness. we will have music from griffin featuring elley duhé and mitski too. so please join us for that next week. at the age of 25, our first guest became the youngest executive producer in tv history with the debut of "family guy. since then, he's voiced hundreds of characters, won four emmys, hosted the oscars, written the novel, released four albums and given birth to a sex-crazed bear named ted. the season two premiere of his sci-fi comedy/drama "the orville" airs december 30th on fox. please welcome seth macfarlane. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: how you doing? boy, i had something i want to show. i'm very excited to go through it. >> sure. >> jimmy: but i do want to ask you about your christmas party. every year you have a christmas party at your house. >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: it was this weekend. how did it go? >> i think it went well. i don't remember much. >> jimmy: do you actually prepare the party and are you moving tables around and stuff? >> i'm going to say yes. >> jimmy: so no is the answer. >> i feel like i should pivot. now i can see you better. >> jimmy: i saw online, of course they wait outside to see what celebrities come to the party. >> yeah. >> jimmy: correct me if any of this is wrong. it said leonardo dicaprio, tara reid and bill nye the science guy arrived. presumably not together. >> bill and leo were together. >> jimmy: maybe it's the environment they were focused on. >> there you go. >> jimmy: so, what was christmas like when you were a kid? did you guys have a big deal every year? >> it depend on the year.

depend on the year. you know, we used to use the same christmas tree year after year. that's one thing i do remember. >> jimmy: i assume it was artificial. >> it was real, toss it out the back, haul it in the next year. it was dead and rotting. >> jimmy: seems like a terrible plan. >> the intent was to create a trend with my parents. >> jimmy: didn't work. >> never caught on. >> jimmy: is it your favorite holiday, christmas? >> yeah, sure. >> jimmy: did you sing at your party, at your christmas party? >> yeah, i did. a lot of people did. >> jimmy: is that the reason why you have the party so you can make all your friends listen to you sing? >> anywhere i can be around a band. >> jimmy: yeah, right, a whole band there, orchestra? >> strings and everything. >> jimmy: did you do christmas songs. >> yeah, we did christmas tunes. >> jimmy: what's your favorite christmas song? >> there's a song called "the christmas waltz" by sinatra. >> jimmy: i heard that on the radio just yesterday. what's your least favorite christmas song? >> my least favorite christmas song, hands down, is "the little

drummer boy." it just insists upon itself from start to finish. on my drum. okay, i didn't know that was the instrument you were imitating with your mouth. i don't know if you ever thought about this. >> jimmy: "little drummer boy" bothers me, too, as a parent because i imagine, you know, there's mary and joseph in this filthy mapg manger with -- manger with their baby and this 8-year-old comes in with a [ bleep ] snare drum and they're like, go ahead. >> can you say [ bleep ] on abc? >> jimmy: i think when you're referring to the birth of jesus, yes, you can. >> i think that's great. i think that's wonderful. >> jimmy: this is what i want to show you. this is unbelievable to me. how old were you when you sent this letter to jim henson? >> i was probably -- let me see

if there's a date on there. i think i was probably 7 or 8. >> jimmy: you started out with one of those address labels and you crossed your dad's name out and wrote, seth on the top. and you've written this letter, you say, i've gotten all the latest issues of muppet magazine. i love the comic strip, super stars war, my greatest wish is to see you in person, et cetera, et cetera. three characters, fozzy bear and sam the eagle and all this stuff and then you signed it to them, and then at the top of the deal they wrote a note and i guess they sent it back to you. we all think you're very good. keep working on it. o.m. and p.p. who are o.m. and p.p.? >> i don't know. we found this not too long ago and for a moment i thought, oh, my dad wrote that, i'm sure of it and then kind of gave it to me to encourage me, but it doesn't quite look like his

handwriting. >> jimmy: it was o.m. and p.p. so those characters that you created are you, then, and we talked about this a little bit before. but this is something -- this is a character you created when you were how old? >> i was probably, again, 8 or 9 years old. >> jimmy: walter crouton. why walter crouton? >> who the hell knows. the idea was he was a newscaster and i don't think he was ever shown on the news. >> jimmy: you went to the local paper. >> yes. >> jimmy: which is amazing to think about when you're that age. it really is remarkable when you think about it, and i cannot believe you were, what, 9 and 10 years old when you wrote this thing. this is a couple right here, a couple of squirrels trying to get in. oh, damn, edith, have you seen my keys? >> jimmy: and another one here. and were you paid to do this? >> they paid me five bucks a

week, like five bucks per cartoon to do this. >> jimmy: that's pretty great. >> they upped it to $10 when i was in my early 30s. >> jimmy: not lint again. that is just fantastic. >> looking at it now it's a lot of negative domestic situations. just kind of noticing that. >> jimmy: hard to make good into funny, i guess, though. do you ever think about just for old time's sake making walter crouton, putting him on family guy or "american dad" or something like that. >> hasn't occurred to me. something that's part of my youth. >> jimmy: i think it's very indulgent but wonderful. >> it would be indulgent. >> jimmy: are you still involved in "family guy" and "american dad?" besides obviously recording. >> i am. i do the voices. i haven't -- i haven't written on "family guy" since about 2010. >> jimmy: oh, at all. >> i don't think i've been in the office in about two years.

>> jimmy: is that right? >> i send the fruit bouquet. >> jimmy: have you seen every episode of the snow? >> i've seen every episode of "family guy." shockingly, there are some "american dads" i got to get caught up on. it's pathetic. >> jimmy: well, that's when you know you've made it. we're going to take a break. we're going to take a look at "the orville." the season premier is december 30th. (robot) inferior phone detected! (photographer) ugh. this screen! (sprintern) you know, sprint has the awesome new iphone xr. (photographer) oooh. let's take a picture! (robot) cool! and sprint will give you the iphone xr to use for $0 a month when you lease the latest iphone. (sprintern) i can't hold this smile much longer! (robot) i can. (vo) switch today and for a limited time we'll give you iphone xr to use for $0 per month when you lease the latest iphone. for people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay.com.

emreplenished,d, fortified. emerge everyday with emergen-c. packed with b vitamins, electrolytes, antioxidants, plus more vitamin c than 10 oranges. why not feel this good every day? emerge and see. ultimate feast time it'sat red lobster.r own pick four of ten favorites to create the ultimate feast you've been dreaming of. like lobster mac & cheese. or tender snow crab. so hurry in before new create your own ultimate feast ends.

did you take a shuttle out last night? >> no. >> the shuttle bay log says you did. >> oh, gordon. >> what about gordon? >> we have this running bit where we put each other's names on the shuttle log when we didn't take a shuttle out and when the other one finds out it's like oh, my good, embarrassing. i didn't take that shuttle.

ah. >> jimmy: that's seth macfarlane in "the orville" which premiers december 30th, season two of the show. this show starts out as kind of like an homage, a take on "star trek" basically, and what point does it go from being an homage to being an actual sci-fi show? >> we, it's interesting, the show is marketed as a hard comedy early on, and it was really never that. it was designed to sort of be, you know, a sci-fi show that takes place on a spaceship but with actual people behaving as they actually would in that kind of situation. i think oftentimes with the sci-fi show you see a very wooden, very unrealistically noble kind of presentation of the character, and this was supposed to be like working in an office. >> jimmy: do you hear from the other captains, from like william shatner, patrick stewart? is there any kind of a fraternity of captains? >> yeah. i know them both.

i know patrick better than i know shatner. >> jimmy: right, you did a show with him. >> right, but, yeah, they -- they -- patrick sent me a really nice e-mail at the top of the premiere and i heard shatner tweeted about us. i haven't seen it. i know occasionally he is on twitter. >> jimmy: did you ever imagine you'd be in a point in your life where william shatner would tweet something nice about you and you wouldn't even bother to look at it? i mean, really. you've got -- >> i'm going to take stock of some things. >> jimmy: what's the plan for christmas? what will you do for the holiday itself? >> you know, i -- my whole family i think is out of town. >> jimmy: oh, they are. >> luckily. so i'm -- i -- it's actually always kind of nice. the year is so busy and i get some alone time to just kind of chill. >> jimmy: this is very sad. >> it's pretty sad. >> jimmy: maybe william shatner will have you over to the house

and he can read you tweets that he's written about you. >> that would be something. that would be something. >> jimmy: wow, okay. your dad lives here in california, correct? >> he does, yeah. >> jimmy: are you close? >> yeah, we are. >> jimmy: you see him a lot? >> yeah. >> jimmy: is there a christmas more memorable to you like from your family life? >> there was -- there was one holiday season, and my sister and i as i recall -- my parents had talked for years about the fact that they had done a lot of drugs in their younger years, on acid at woodstock. >> jimmy: that explains your cartoons. >> yes, it explains a lot. and it stays in the system forever. oftentimes it's passed on to the offspring. but yeah, my sister and i brought some weed up to the house. >> jimmy: to your parents' house. >> to my parents' house, and with very little coaxing, they partook. >> jimmy: who broached the subject and said, hey, guess what we're going to do? >> i think it was sort of a party line kind of thing.

>> i think it was sort of like a party line kind of thing, and my mother was just laughing a lot predictbly, and my father turned to me and i instantly regretted the whole enterprise. he said, god, seth, this is the first time that you and i have been stoned together as father and son. like yeah, it sure is. i got to write about this in my journal sfwli journal. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> god bless him. i just -- i said, lesson learned. never doing it again. >> jimmy: never again? that was it? >> well, i mean, for me. >> jimmy: oh, i see. got you. well, it's great to see you. happy holidays to you. if you need a family, you know, let me know. we have one. >> thank you. i think i'll be fine. >> jimmy: seth macfarlane, everybody. season premier of "the orville" december 30th on fox. we'll be right back with andrea savage. ♪ they think i'm a magician ♪

♪ (voilà, voil) ♪ ♪ they think i know magic ♪ ♪ (voilà, voil) ♪ ♪ they think i go abracadabra, leave and come back, ♪ ♪ 'cause i'm different ♪ (oh mama, voilà, voil) ♪ ♪ you are a magician ♪ (voilà, voil) ♪ ♪ you can make it happen ♪ (voilà, voil) ♪ ♪ they think i go abracadabra, leave and come back, ♪ ♪ 'cause i'm different ♪ they think i go abracadabra, leave and come back, ♪ cats would do anything for the irresistible taste of temptations treats. what are you doing? hey, check this out. temptations - cats can't resist. ♪ when you have nausea, ♪ heartburn, ♪ indigestion, ♪ upset stomach, ♪ diarrhea... girl, pepto ultra coating will treat your stomach right. ♪nausea, heartburn, ♪ indigestion, upset stomach, ♪ diarrhea... try pepto with ultra coating.

"what a nice place" "hey grandma!" "what are you doing here?" "eat! eat!" "okay!" "see you on sunday" "bye bye!" ♪

♪ the new capital one savor card. earn 4% cash back on dining and 4% on entertainment. now when you go out, you cash in. what's in your wallet? now when you go out, you cash in. pain from a headache whcan make this...ld, ...feel like this. all-in-one cold symptom relief from tylenol®, the #1 doctor recommended pain relief brand. tylenol®. those arms, they'll be jelly tomorrow. it'll hurt to sit. and laugh. 'cause that workout, is working. feed it, with special k with iron, protein and b vitamins.

feed your progress. feed your power. feed your change. ♪ ♪

tonight, someone in our studio audience is going home with this stocking stuffer donated by a "jimmy kimmel live" staff member. >> i'm with the social media team of the show, and one of my most proud ideas is the scandal sandal signed by the cast of abc's "scandal." see, it's incredible.

word play. >> merry christmas, katherine bacon from grand rapids, michigan. [ applause ] are excited about the potential of once-weekly ozempic®. in a study with ozempic®, a majority of adults lowered their blood sugar and reached an a1c of less than seven and maintained it. oh! under seven? and you may lose weight. in the same one-year study, adults lost on average up to 12 pounds. oh! up to 12 pounds? a two-year study showed that ozempic® does not increase the risk of major cardiovascular events like heart attack, stroke, or death. oh! no increased risk? ♪ oh, oh, oh, ozempic®! ♪ ozempic® should not be the first medicine for treating diabetes, or for people with type 1 diabetes or diabetic ketoacidosis. do not share needles or pens. don't reuse needles. do not take ozempic® if you have a personal or family history of medullary thyroid cancer, multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2, or if you are allergic to ozempic®.

stop taking ozempic® and get medical help right away if you get a lump or swelling in your neck, severe stomach pain, itching, rash, or trouble breathing. serious side effects may happen, including pancreatitis. tell your doctor if you have diabetic retinopathy or vision changes. taking ozempic® with a sulfonylurea or insulin may increase the risk for low blood sugar. common side effects are nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stomach pain, and constipation. some side effects can lead to dehydration, which may worsen kidney problems. i discovered the potential with ozempic®. ♪ oh! oh! oh! ozempic®! ♪ ask your healthcare provider if ozempic® is right for you. i can't tell you anything about myself. but believe me... i'm not your average consumer. that's why i switched to liberty mutual. they customized my car insurance, so i only pay for what i need. and as a man... uh... or a woman... with very specific needs that i can't tell you about- say cheese. mr. landry? oh no. hi mr. landry!

liberty mutual customizes your car insurance so you only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪

i'm not picking it up. you pick it up! i'm not picking it up. i'll pick it up! they're clean! ♪'cuz my hiney's clean.♪ ♪oh yeah i'm charmin clean.♪ charmin ultra strong just cleans better. enjoy the go with charmin.

ed gets copays as lowlily go to as zero dollars on medicare part d prescriptions. ed gets labels clear as day. and, lily.... lily gets anything she wants. ed knows he could just have us deliver his prescriptions. but what's the fun in that? switch to cvs pharmacy.

♪ >> jimmy: everyone is standing tonight. all right. we have music from kodak black still to come. our next guest is the creator, producer, writer and star of her very own show, so if you don't like the show, you know who is to blame. it's her. season two of "i'm sorry" premiers january 9th on trutv. please say hello to andrea savage. ♪ >> hello. hi. >> jimmy: so i show your show, and it's very funny. >> you saw it? >> jimmy: i enjoyed it. >> oh, my gosh, jimmy kimmel saw my show. >> jimmy: not only did i see it, i know the show is based on things that happen in your life. >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: the beginning of the first episode seemed to be based on something that happened in my life is that i decided to buy a tank top. >> oh, [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: with full knowledge

that my wife would hate the tank top, and i was right. she did hate it so what i did was i bought nine of the same tank top and each time she threw one away, i had another one. >> see, my husband -- we were actually on vacation in la jolla, california. he's a grown man, husband, father, seemingly normal, together human, he walked no a shop and walked out with a bag and i said what did you get and he pulls out a tank top? and i said so now we're just people with a tank top in our lives? this is just who we are? and he said what's wrong? the fact that you don't know what's wrong is actually a bigger problem than the tank top, and i shamed him. he never put that tank top on his body. >> jimmy: but does he still have it? [ applause ] >> thank you. he does not, and i actually tried to find it because i

wanted it to be -- because i have -- i have something about it on my show. i wanted it to be it the actual tank top but i could not find it. >> jimmy: oh, wow. you really go for real. looking for the tank top is an indication that you're very detail-oriented. >> very detail-oriented. >> jimmy: when you're eating oatmeal and driving in the car, do you eat oatmeal and drive? >> five days a week, every day. >> jimmy: you do? >> i drive my daughter to school to drop off and i eat oatmeal on the way. >> jimmy: do you think oprah would approve of that? >> obviously. she's a big fan. >> jimmy: we don't -- we don't text when we drive. is it okay to eat oatmeal when we drive? i mean that's a two-handed type operation. >> not the way i do it. you don't know the way i eat oatmeal. >> jimmy: the character in your show, you have the same name. is it you, or is it a heightened version of you? >> it's a heightened version of me. i'm a normal human being for the most part, and i know when to shut my mouth. the character on the show pushes.

it's definitely real, based on a lot of real stories. >> jimmy: in my life, real stories. >> one story that just recently happened which made it into the show was i was talking to my -- i have a daughter who's nine and things are happening. >> jimmy: right. got you. >> you know what i mean? things are happening. there's questions. and she asked if she was going to be getting pubic hair. >> jimmy: oh. for christmas? >> yes. yes. >> jimmy: okay. >> and i told her only if she's good, and she's been very well behaved for six months. >> jimmy: you don't even need an elf on the shelf. that's nice. >> it weirdly is also sort of like an elf on the shelf, but it looks different. >> jimmy: gotcha. >> she asked, am i going to get pubic hair? i said, of course, just like mommy, and she goes, i don't like mommy's pubic hair. >> jimmy: oh no.

>> i was like, you don't know how aspirational this is, okay? dare to dream, my friend. this is primped and preened within an inch of its life. so i said, well, either way, like it or not, it's going to happen. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> and she said, well, do boys get pubic hair? and i said, yeah, of course, everyone gets pubic hair, and she goes, well, daddy doesn't have pubic hair and i was like, yeah, he does. she goes, no, he doesn't. i was like, yeah, he does. she said, daddy doesn't have pubic hair. and i was like, yes, he does, i'm not going to argue with you about this. daddy has pubic hair. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and he has pubic hair is what my point is. my husband has pubic hair is my point. >> jimmy: but she just doesn't want to know that. >> you know what i think it is and not to get too graphic, i think on a woman, it's clearer and then the man has another

part. >> jimmy: you are talking about the human penis. >> yes. thank you. >> jimmy: right. >> the human penis. >> jimmy: yes. right. >> that is not hair-filled. >> jimmy: right. yes. >> and so i think she's, like, no, it doesn't because she doesn't really think about the other parts. >> jimmy: it doesn't at its farthest point, i see. is the character who plays your mom based on your actual mom? >> why, yes, it is, very much so, yes. >> jimmy: and does she know when you're, like, looking at her and going, yeah, this is going to maybe this will be something that's in the show. >> i think she does and i think she enjoys it. >> jimmy: you do? she does? >> she does. she gets a big kick out of it. >> jimmy: does she ever not enjoy it ever? >> well, there's a couple things. so my mom, she does a couple things for christmas. she has some interesting christmas things that she does. >> jimmy: what does she do? >> every year, all my brothers

and i, we get underwear from all of our ex-boyfriends. >> jimmy: what? >> she writes as if all of our exes have gotten together en masse over underwear. >> jimmy: over the course of your life, everyone you've ever dated. >> is on a card and i get underwear from them. >> jimmy: and how many ex-boyfriends, slash, girlfriends are cards coming from in your family? >> i would say on my card there's a solid 17. >> jimmy: 17? you get 17 pairs of underwear? >> no, no. they all get together and then they'll get, like, five pairs. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. they're not spending all their money. >> jimmy: right, on underwear. >> they're frugal. >> jimmy: why does she do this? >> she likes to give gifts from joke people. she also likes to -- >> jimmy: as a joke. got you. >> she also likes to wrap slightly tacky gifts up and give them to other people in your family from other family members. >> jimmy: i like that. >> so, my sister-in-law will get

horribly tacky earrings as if i gave them to her and she doesn't know that they're not real and she's like, these are gorgeous. thank you so much. and i'm just like, mom. she's like -- >> jimmy: that's -- >> in the corner. >> jimmy: your mother is very funny, it sounds like. >> she is, but she's very stealth funny. she's cute and sort of quiet and you wouldn't know. >> jimmy: that's a lot of effort that she's going to really just screw with people on christmas. >> i know. >> jimmy: she is. >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow. well, congratulations on the show. it's very funny. if you haven't seen it, it's called "i'm sorry." season two premiers january 9th on trutv. andrea savage, everybody. we'll be right back with kodak black. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz, the best or nothing.

served in a no-mess bag, my new deli trio and turkey, bacon, and cheddar pannidos are almost too easy to eat on the go. so panni-do eat one while you are in a car, but panni-don't, while you are on a car. order a pannido with doordash today. only at jack in the box. it's a revolution in sleep. the new sleep number 360 smart bed is on sale now during our lowest prices of the season. it senses your movement, and automatically adjusts to keep you both comfortable.

it can even warm your feet to help you fall asleep faster. so you wake up ready to make your resolutions, reality. and now, the queen sleep number 360 c4 smart bed is only $1299. ranked #1 in customer satisfaction with mattresses by j.d. power. plus, 24-month financing on all beds. ends new year's day. sleep number. proven, quality sleep. introdeli trio and turkey, bacon, and cheddar pannidos, both on toasted ciabatta bread. served in a no-mess bag, they're the ultimate on the go subs. so panni-do eat one while you are tackling errands. but panni-don't... huh? [buzzer] ...while you're getting tackled by a guy named aaron. order a pannido with doordash today. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i want to thank seth macfarlane and andrea savage, fred willard and apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next, but first, this is his album "dying to live." here with the song "testimony," kodak black! [ cheers and applause ]

♪ >> i'm god sent. i know i'm god sent. i swear for god, know what i'm talkin' bout? i done overcame so many obstacles. came from up under so many rocks. even though i be out here schemin' like a demon seemin' -- i know i'm god sent. there's gotta be god. ♪ ♪ i'm god sent like he sent me here so i can relay these messages ♪ ♪ like he uses me as a vessel like he uses me as an instrument ♪ ♪ tryna lock me in a box they hate how god just keep on blessin' it they lock me in a box ♪ ♪ i pray to god this ain't my destiny ms. ♪ ♪ i'm sippin' on holy water like it's my medicine i'm a livin' testimony ♪ ♪ every album like a testament everything i went through made me who i am ♪ ♪ 'cause he be testin' me so i'm breakin' bread with all my fam 'cause i don't take no ecstasy ♪ ♪ i done sacrificed 'cause none of ain't see the best in me ♪ ♪ they want me slingin' metal like the devil but i'm heaven sent my brother my mother ♪ ♪ they addicts -- my daddy 'cause he neglected me ♪ ♪ i'm 20 years old but i act

like i been here before like i'm a veteran ♪ ♪ he speak this -- through me like i'm a prophet but i'm a reverend ♪ ♪ put my blood sweat and tears on all these lyrics 'cause this my exodus ♪ ♪ i'm dyin' so i could live so i could live i resurrected it ♪ ♪ i'm dyin' so i could live so i could live i resurrected it ♪ ♪ ay blood in my eyes i'm goin' blind oh stuck in these streets feel like my life froze ♪ ♪ i been runnin' these streets got me dehydrated ♪ ♪ i been livin' so crazy feel like i'm dyin' baby ♪ ♪ blood in my eyes i'm goin' blind oh stuck in these streets feel like my life froze ♪ ♪ i been runnin' these streets got me dehydrated ♪ ♪ i been livin' so crazy feel like i'm dyin' baby ♪ ♪ i just shot now i can't sleep ay ay ay ♪ ♪ my brother he just washed me down with bleach oh oh oh ♪ ♪ project baby snotty nose head peasy now everybody 'round the world tryna be me ♪ ♪ hope they see me on the tv i'm

on instagram showin' off my v-vs ♪ ♪ you don't understand that this wasn't easy i been walkin 'round with my head peasy ♪ ♪ shot -- took a shower with the bleach yah wait mama ♪ ♪ i fell victim to the streets i'm sorry ♪ ♪ i'm in middle school sellin' weed in the hallway i was skippin' school ♪ ♪ got in beef started robbin' jackboy that my g we like batman and robin ♪ ♪ god i know you lookin' out for me through the darkness ♪ ♪ blood in my eyes i'm goin' ♪ i been livin' so crazy feel like i'm dyin' baby ♪ ♪ blood in my eyes i'm goin' blind oh i'm stuck in these streets feel like my life froze ♪ ♪ i been runnin' these streets got me dehydrated ♪ ♪ i been livin' so crazy feel like i'm dyin' baby ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ blood in my eyes i'm goin' blind oh i'm stuck in these streets feel like my life froze ♪ ♪ i been runnin' these streets got me dehydrated ♪ ♪ i been livin' so crazy feel like i'm dyin' baby ♪ ♪ blood in my eyes i'm goin' blind oh i'm stuck in these streets feel like my life fre ♪

this is "nightline." tonight, on the hunt, high drama on the high seas, whaling in iceland despite an international ban and the controversial anti-whaling activists making waves. >> they're not iceland's whales. they're the world's whales. >> the global outrage over the appetite for the endangered species. plus -- >> hi, you're watching "nightline." >> the super model taking us from high fashion to high-tech. >> we have amazing, brilliant ladies in every corner. >> doubling as a computer whiz and inspiring millions of followers. >> i would love to offer them something more beautiful t