well. right now on jimmy, amy >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, amy adams, comedians jeff ross and dave attell, this week in unnecessary censorship, and music from kurt vile. and now, why not, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. welcome. welcome, everybody. thank you. how are you? i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for coming. thanks for watching. i'm glad you're excited, because -- that's very nice.

welcome. it's -- welcome to california. it's -- does it feel like the holidays are here to you, kind of? for me, i don't know about you, but it isn't the season until i've heard mariah carey sing "all i want for christmas" a hundred times. it's hard to get into the spirit in l.a. because it's sunny and 78 degrees. if you are looking to kick start your christmas season, you might want to get yourself one of these. this is the kfc 11 herbs and spices fire log. [ laughter ] this is a log that i guess you put in your fireplace that smells like fried chicken, for real. [ cheers and applause ] and america is officially done. the logs cost $18.99, which for real, which is a lot for a log. [ laughter ] if i wanted a log that smelled like fried chicken, i'd just eat a bucket of kfc and wait. [ laughter ] i mean, this could be very beneficial, though, because maybe the only way we can get donald trump to care about the environment is to convince him there are forests filled with fried chicken trees. [ laughter ] apparently the chicken logs are

sold out. [ cheers and applause ] this is an item. you know, no christmas would be complete without a toy that drives parents nuts, something you would not buy for your worst enemy's children, and this year, that honor goes to a product called yellies. ♪ yelling makes the yellies go ♪ yell loud, go fast ♪ yell soft, go slow ♪ keep yelling to my freakout mode ♪ >> jimmy: available in hell. this is a toy that gets energy from the screaming of children, like the clown from "it." [ laughter ] i think it really speaks to the level of frustration we're experiencing in this country right now that there's a toy powered by yelling at it. the toy that has me crazy this year is the elf on a shelf. i don't know if the elf on a shelf is technically even considered to be a toy but i have had it up to here with this thing.

we keep forgetting to move it. you're supposed to move it every night. we forget and then we wake up in the middle of the night, i forgot to move the elf and then you have to tiptoe in the room with the light on the phone and my underpants like a coal miner and my daughter doesn't even care about it anymore. we're like, eat your dinner or the elf is going to tell santa. she's like, screw him. let the elf eat the dinner. i might move the elf to the garbage disposal. >> now, now, that wouldn't be very nice, jimmy, would it. >> jimmy: who said that? >> that would be not very nice at all. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, elf on a shelf, i did not -- i'm sorry. i didn't realize you were here. >> you didn't realize i was here? you big dumb dumb, i'm everywhere. [ laughter ] i'm always watching, always judging. i know that you pee in the shower, jimmy kimmel. [ laughter ] [ audience moaning ] >> jimmy: okay, that's not -- that is not true and even if it is true, which it is not, that's something everyone does. >> i'm in millions of homes. everyone does not do that.

some people have class. >> jimmy: okay, now this is getting very creepy. i don't want you to be watching -- where'd the elf? elf? >> i'm over here now. >> jimmy: oh, okay. that's creepy. all right. >> if you think i'm creepy, you should meet my friend alexa. she records everything. she's a freak. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how did you get from over there to over there? >> hello, i'm elf on the shelf. >> jimmy: well, what is it that you want? what do you want from me? >> i want an apology. i help you, you do nothing but complain about me. i teach those little monsters you call kids valuable lessons like always be kind and sweet and share your toys with your brother when a stuffed elf is watching you. >> jimmy: yeah, well, you know, telling a kid to share because a stuffed elf is watching is not a very good lesson, honestly. >> you're not a very good lesson. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, well, i apologize. will you let me finish the show now? >> yeah, fine. fine. i accept your apology but only because i don't need more to

worry about when yom kippur comes around. >> jimmy: wait, you're jewish? >> that's right. my last name is shelfman, l'chaim. [ laughter ] now if you'll excuse me, i'm off the clock. >> jimmy: he's disruptive and he should not be welcomed into our homes. >> shots of don julio are on me. mazel tov! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's the elf on the shelf. you have one of those at your house? >> guillermo: no, jimmy, i don't. >> jimmy: keep it that way. trust me on this one. they don't have an elf on the shelf at the white house now that jeff sessions is gone. [ laughter ] but the president -- well, the president's not in a festive mood right now. he has reportedly canceled the traditional white house holiday party for members of the press. [ audience booing ] i know, i was disappointed too. not only did he cancel the press party, he's also very close to canceling the republican party as a whole. [ laughter ] but i have to say, to me, it makes sense for the president to cancel. [ cheers and applause ] this party.

i mean, what kind of party would this be? what would his toast be? welcome, enemies of the people? it would wind up like the red wedding or something. old yeller was barking up quite a storm on twitter this morning. the president released a trilogy of tweets about his former lawyer and friend, michael cohen, who is sentenced to three years in prison for, among other things, illegal hush money payments made to trump's mistresses during the campaign. trump wrote today, i never directed michael cohen to break the law. he was a lawyer and he is supposed to know the law. it's called advice of counsel and a lawyer has great liability if a mistake is made. that's actually true. he didn't tell michael cohen to break the law. he paid him to break the law. [ laughter ] he just winked and said, i'm going to leave $130,000 on this table. it's not there when i get back, i guess it blew away. basically, trump is saying when he told michael cohen to pay stormy daniels and karen mcdougal, he assumed it was all legal and cool, which is interesting because i sort of remember back in april, i don't know if you remember him also saying this.

>> mr. president, did you know about the $130,000 payment to stormy daniels? >> no. >> jimmy: right. [ laughter ] first it was i never had sex with those women, then it was i never paid those women. now it's i assumed it was legal to pay those women. next week, he'll say he didn't know they were women and that's why he asked them to take off their clothes. and on top of all that -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] as if we don't have enough going on, there is now a new investigation into the president's inauguration. federal prosecutors are looking at whether trump's inaugural committee misused funds and/or took donations in exchange for access to the new administration. trump's inaugural team has failed to account for much of the $103 million they claim they spent on the inauguration. at this point, i think the only remaining law donald trump hasn't broken is gravity. [ laughter ] but robert mueller has a guilty plea from washington consultant who used a u.s. citizen as a front so that a prominent ukrainian oligarch could go to

the inauguration, which is illegal, and furthermore, if they really did spend $103 million on this inauguration, how is it possible that the only band they could get to play it was three doors down? [ laughter ] i mean, the walls are closing in. last night on the show, i mentioned that word in d.c. is that whomever trump picks to be his next chief of staff will first need the approval of his daughter, ivanka, and her husband, jared kushner. today we learned that one of the candidates for chief of staff is jared but the one from subway, not the -- no. [ boos and scattered applause ] jared kushner, his son-in-law, is the candidate -- one of the candidates for chief of staff. i guess the thinking of is if he's good enough to screw my daughter, he's good enough to screw the country. [ applause ] i hope he hires jared. i hope he hires jared and then he fires jared and we go through the whole thing. in other reality show news, this network, abc, has decided to forego the traditional spring

season of "dancing with the stars." there will be no dancing stars in the spring this year. i heard they ran out of stars and they just decided -- [ laughter ] but it's a tough thing because guillermo is going to be crushed when he hears about this. he loves "dancing with the stars." fortunately, i just finished reading this book -- do you have that book? i just finished reading this book, how to tell your security guard that "dancing with the stars" is not coming back this spring. so, guillermo? guillermo. >> guillermo: oh. >> jimmy: yes. >> guillermo: oh, sorry, jimmy, i was listening to "dancing with the stars" theme song over and over. >> jimmy: oh, boy. >> guillermo: i cannot wait until dancing comes back this spring. >> jimmy: yeah. >> guillermo: i'm so psyched. >> jimmy: that's what i wanted to talk to you about. unfortunately, "dancing with the stars" is not going to be coming back this spring. >> guillermo: it's not? >> jimmy: no, it's not. it will be back next fall and it will be rejuvenated and better than ever and it's not going away forever. it will be back and everything will be good again, okay? is that okay?

hey -- >> guillermo: bye-bye, jimmy. >> jimmy: wait, where are you going? >> guillermo: i'm going to the bar to go get drunk. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he'll be all right. it's what he would have done anyway. all right. now it's time for some -- i've been looking forward to this all week. monday on the show, i issued a new youtube challenge and the challenge was, i'd like you to sneak up on your kids while they're playing "fortnite." the kids are nuts for this "fortnite." and turn off the tv. i asked and many of you answered and with that said, here are the results of, hey jimmy kimmel, i turned off the tv during "fortnite." >> what just happened? what! it just turned off! what? oh my god, why'd you do that? >> mommy!

i didn't see you. oh no! stop! no! i can still win. >> stop! >> say hi, jimmy kimmel, and i'll turn it on. >> hi, jimmy kimmel. >> dad. dad, what are you doing? i'm in the middle of "fortnite." what is wrong with you? leave. stop turning my tv off. what did you do? go cook! stop, stop. >> yeah, leave. look, jeff. what do you want? stop! what the [ bleep ]. >> jimmy kimmel made me do it. jimmy kimmel made me do it. jimmy kimmel, help! help, jimmy kimmel.

>> you just turned off my "fortnite"! >> jimmy kimmel made me do it. >> no! what just happened? no! >> what's the matter? >> someone shut off the [ bleep ] tv. >> are you out of your mind? >> i can't -- mom. what are you doing? what are you doing? >> oh my god, i'm trying to find -- >> my friend is dying. >> what friend? >> what the [ bleep ]. [ bleep ] serious? are you freaking kidding me?

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. thanks, everyone. now go outside. hey, tonight on the show, tom mcclear is sitting in with the band. we have music from kurt vile. we'll be right back with amy adams. (atlas) with verizon? do humans like overpaying don't they know they can get the 3rd, 4th and 5th lines free with sprint? (paul) yeah that means sprint's unlimited plan gives you 5 lines for just $20 per month, per line. (mom) really? (atlas) yes and you can save more than $1,000 over verizon and at&t with sprint. (mom) no way! (dad) robots don't lie. (atlas) the man in the mom jeans is correct. (avo) switch today and get 5 lines for just $20 per month per line. see how you can save more than for people with hearing loss, $1,000 in the first year with sprint. visit sprintrelay.com

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♪sit with me on a muddy clump,♪ ♪we'll sing a song of days gone by.♪ ♪ ♪come, come, come, come, come along now,♪ ♪run away from the hum-drum, ♪we'll go to a place that is safe from♪ ♪greed, anger and boredom. ♪we'll dance and sing till sundown,♪ ♪and feast with abandon, ♪we'll sleep when the morning comes,♪ ♪and we'll rise by the sound of the birdsongs.♪

♪ >> jimmy: that's tom maclear sitting in with the cletones. his new album is called "gods and ghosts." thank you, tom. you have the voice of an angel.

have i ever told you that? >> right. >> jimmy: i hope so. tonight we have -- these guys have a very funny new show on netflix. it's called "bumping mikes." jeffery ross and dave attell are here with us. then, the album is called "bottle it in." kurt vile from the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] next week, we have new shows with guests including ben stiller, john cena, seth macfarlane, mike and adam from beastie boys, jonathan van ness from "queer eye," with music from kodak black, skylar grey, griffin featuring elle duhe and mitski. so please join us for mitski and all that stuff. our first guest tonight is a two-time golden globe winner and three- time lois lane who relocates from metropolis to washington, d.c. as former second lady of the united states, lynne cheney. she is currently nominated for three golden globes, once for the new movie "vice." "vice" opens in theaters christmas day. please say hello to amy adams.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how you doing? it's good to see you. [ cheers and applause ] you're beloved. how are you? >> i'm really, really good. thank you. i'm doing really well. >> jimmy: may i -- how old is your daughter? >> she's 8. >> jimmy: she's 8 years old. is there an elf on your shelf at home? >> we do. >> jimmy: and what are your thoughts on it? >> you know, her name is sprite. >> jimmy: the elf? ours is fresca. interesting. [ laughter ] >> and -- no, my daughter likes to watch me on the shows. >> jimmy: oh, like on talk shows. >> yeah, my -- >> jimmy: got it. >> a friend of ours introduced her to that idea so now she asks me, which is weird. but i let her. >> jimmy: have her not watch the

monologue, then. >> i'm not going to. yeah. but sprite's amazing. >> jimmy: you love sprite. >> i love sprite. she is now wearing an ice skating outfit, and she is currently flown up to an impossibly high window, we're not sure how she got there. >> jimmy: and sprite moves around every night? as she is supposed to? >> sometimes -- no, i think sometimes sprite, like, the other night it was raining and we thought maybe she didn't want to go out in the rain. >> jimmy: we had that happen at our house, that very same thing happened to our elf. >> i know. >> jimmy: yeah. it was raining, and then -- yeah. i had to explain to our daughter that had nothing to do with mommy and daddy being forgetful, that the rain was really the problem. >> that the rain -- yeah. exactly. exactly. >> jimmy: the rain will affect those things. >> it's true. >> jimmy: do you feel she's getting good reports to santa? >> yeah, you know, i'm lucky. my daughter's really well behaved. just as normal. she started to get really sassy, though, and kind of -- i don't know where she gets it. [ laughter ] like this morning, i was kind of giving her a hard time about something, and she held up her cereal and her spoon and she

goes, i've got cereal, mom, and i'm not afraid to use it. [ laughter ] and i was like, are we talking, like, i kind of wanted to tempt her because i wanted to know. are we talking a spoonful of cereal? a faceful? >> jimmy: or you're going to get the bowl on your head. >> bowl on my head. i wanted to kind of push her toward that. >> jimmy: it would have been all over. >> i know. >> jimmy: that's cute, that's very cute. so christmas is obviously a big deal, i would assume, in your family as well. will you spend it at home? will you be somewhere? >> i will be home. >> jimmy: you will be at home. and do you do all the things? do you make a roast or a ham or any of that stuff? >> usually, i do. i don't know this year, because we're just -- just us. >> jimmy: have you ever had to work on christmas day? >> i have. >> jimmy: you have. >> i have. i used to work in theater and i worked at a dinner theater. we would work on christmas. >> jimmy: i wanted to ask you about that, because i happen to have an advertisement. this is something someone posted on, i think, instagram. there's the country dinner play house. >> yep. >> jimmy: what year was this, do you know? >> '95.

>> jimmy: '95. >> yep. >> jimmy: and there you are. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: your little biography that ends with, she thanks those who support her. you know who you are. [ laughter ] >> sounds like a passive aggressive facebook post. >> jimmy: it sounds kind of like the cereal threat in a way, you know? >> exactly. >> jimmy: and what is it like doing dinner theater? are people eating while you're acting? >> sometimes they are. it's fun. i loved it. i have to say. >> jimmy: really? >> but as far as like a lot of people have questions about sort of the food element of it and sort of, are they eating while you're doing it and usually, you're served first but occasionally, food will find its way to the stage. >> jimmy: to the stage? >> yeah, there was a potato on stage once. it was, like, still in the foil, too. so i'm like, if you didn't want your potato, there are -- >> jimmy: i think that's a sign. like in detroit at the red wings games, the hockey fans will throw an octopus onto the ice. i think a baked potato on the stage means they loved your performance. >> i'll take it.

[ laughter and applause ] thank you, i'll take that it they loved it. >> jimmy: what do you do when there's a potato on the stage? >> there's different things you can do. i don't remember what happened with that particular baked potato. but typically, if you are a dancer or one of the background artists, which i was, you will find a way on your path, like, during the opening song, like, state fair ♪ you know? that kind of thing. >> jimmy: very elegant potato removal. [ cheers and applause ] >> i've still got it. i've still got it. >> jimmy: yeah, you do. >> i might have pulled something. >> jimmy: do you ever talk to any of those people that you worked with? >> i do. they're wonderful. >> jimmy: that must be crazy. congratulations on your three golden globe nominations. [ cheers and applause ] i would be willing to bet that those people you worked with take a lot of pride in that. they're like, yeah, i acted with amy and, you know, people were eating, but now she's got three

golden globe nominations. >> i owe them a lot, actually. >> jimmy: do you? >> i do. they kind of formed a family for me and gave me a lot of confidence in myself. they were the ones that really encouraged me to move out to l.a. and try it if i wanted to. and i owe a lot to them. >> jimmy: when you're nominated three times, do you get three pairs of tickets to the globes? >> that's what my mom wants to know. >> jimmy: right. yeah, you can invite the old dinner theater crew to come. >> i could. >> jimmy: because the golden globes is kind like dinner theater except it's more like cocktail theater. >> there is no dinner which is why the cocktails are so effective. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there's no dipper -- >> it's like bread stick theater. there's always the bread sticks. >> jimmy: will you smuggle a potato in just for old time's sake? >> i'll just put it on the stage. >> jimmy: do you drink, knowing that you might have to go up and accept an award? >> i mean, i will have a glass of champagne. i try -- yes, i try not to drink too much, but i never think i'm going to win.

one time i did have not too much but two. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i see. >> and i pushed it away, going, i should not do that. and then they were like amy adams and i was like, i'm that girl. [ laughter ] but i wasn't. but i was afraid that i was, you know? >> jimmy: well, i saw "vice." >> which makes me sound like i was. >> jimmy: well, listen, you have to be ready. "vice" is a great movie. we're going to see a clip from that when we come back. amy adams is here with us. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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it's a party. >> let me go see if i can see if everything's okay over there. great to see you both. love to the girls. >> love to barbara. >> that's his son. >> oh crap. >> george w., black sheep of the family. >> too much unconditional love there. >> half the room wants to be us. the other half fears us.

i know george is next in line, but after that, who knows. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is amy adams and christian bale as lynne and dick cheney in "vice" which i enjoyed. do you think lynne cheney will watch this movie? do you have any inkling? has anybody contacted you? >> nobody has contacted me. >> jimmy: i hope she watches it. >> i do too. i'd be open to a conversation with her about it. >> jimmy: yeah. i feel like she would, i don't know, i don't think she'd be upset by it. maybe she would say, oh, i didn't do that or i didn't do this. >> ihink si takehe lord's name in vain once. i think she'd probably have a problem with that. >> jimmy: i see. that's not something that's -- >> i don't think she would do that, no. or she'd be happy that i exposed if she did. yeah. and i kind of go into it, like, no. >> jimmy: as far as offenses go, that one seems pretty light. >> i think so. >> jimmy: boy, she really kind of pushed that -- you never really expect that because we see dick cheney as this kind of machiavellian character. >> she was a really strong woman.

i didn't know anything about her. she has a ph.d. she's written or cowritten, like, 29 books. she's very accomplished. >> jimmy: how many movies have you and christian bale done together now? >> this is our third. >> jimmy: third. and he is like a totally -- he looks totally different, appearance-wise, in each one of them. >> he transforms in a way that is just almost frightening. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he's so committed. it's really impressive. he has an amazing discipline and work ethic. >> jimmy: the whole movie you're going, oh my god, he's just like dick cheney. it's almost distracting. how much like dick cheney he is. >> he's more dick cheney than dick cheney. >> jimmy: he's got a little extra dick in him. exactly. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: you know what i mean. >> i mean, if i had made that joke, i'd bow right now. that's good. >> jimmy: the supporting cast is terrific. >> unbelievable. >> jimmy: and your producer, well, the director, adam mckay, did a great job with this movie. his partner is will ferrell. he's a producer on the movie and

brad pitt is a producer on the movie. >> we had a whole -- an amazing group of producers. >> jimmy: did brad pitt do any actual producing on the movie? >> yeah, well, yes, he came to set one day. [ laughter ] no, it's -- and the reason i knew he was there is because i was like, oh, there's -- i had been in make-up. i play lynne up until 70 so i was in 70-year-old lynne make-up, which is a lot of wrinkles and prosthetics and a suit that makes me look quite a bit heavier, and i was wondering why all the girls had lip gloss and were skipping to set. and so i walk on to set, oh, and i had just been diagnosed with pink eye. >> jimmy: oh, great. >> true story. so i'm walking on the set like what's everyone so happy about? and all of a sudden i see brad pitt and i'm like, i've seen him before, but every time you see him, it's sort of like, you're thinking it's like "a river runs through it." [ laughter ] like i think he's going to move in slow motion and then you imagine yourself looking really pretty and, like, a white nightgown.

but that wasn't the case. i was in my fat suit with pink eye. [ laughter ] and he was so sweet and he was like, it's so good to see you and he went to give me a hug and i was like, oh, it's happening, and then i realized, i can't hug him, i have pink eye, so i was like, no! no, no! and in that moment i became the first woman in history to reject a hug from brad pitt. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: very considerate of you. [ applause ] >> jimmy: a lot of people would give him the pink. >> i did -- luckily he was very gracious. i was like, i'm contagious. i'm -- pink eye. conjunctivitis it's called. >> jimmy: i hope if you guys win in the producing category, he remembers that in the speech. >> thank you for not giving him pink eye. i hope he does too, actually. >> jimmy: i'd give him herpes if i had the chance, i really would. >> you would. >> jimmy: it's great to see you. the movie's great. it's called "vice." it evens christmas day.

amy adams, everybody. we'll be right back with this week in unnecessary censorship. ♪ be right back. with moderate to severe crohn's disease, i was there, just not always where i needed to be. is she alright? i hope so. so i talked to my doctor about humira. i learned humira is for people who still have symptoms of crohn's disease after trying other medications. and the majority of people on humira saw significant symptom relief and many achieved remission in as little as 4 weeks. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection.

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>> jimmy: welcome back to the show. that is tom maclear sitting in

with the cletones. it is thursday night, which means it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not. it is this week in unnecessary censorship. >> the three year sentence for president trump's former fixer and personal attorney, michael cohen. he now says he covered up his boss's, quote, dirty [ bleep ]. >> does it look to you like donald trump knows that he's [ bleep ]ed? >> i think it definitely looks like he knows he's [ bleep ]ed and he's cornered. >> i had a -- i would guess about 300-pound guy walk up to me and ask me to [ bleep ] his [ bleep ]. he whipped his [ bleep ] out in all its glory. >> i remember the story i want you to come out and [ bleep ] my family and i remember thinking, wow, i never worked with anybody who said that. i didn't know that was a thing. >> they're [ bleep ]ing in san diego. they're [ bleep ]ing in el paso. they're [ bleep ]ing in yuma. they're [ bleep ]ing in israel. they're [ bleep ]ing in bulgaria. they're [ bleep ]ing in india. they're [ bleep ]ing in saudi arabia.

>> it's kind of tough to [ bleep ] your daughter. >> joe, thank you very much for joining us today from massachusetts. >> [ bleep ] you. >> rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you [ bleep ] my [ bleep ] tonight? it will be an honor, sir. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. we'll be right back with jeff ross and dave attell. some of you are honda owners and some of you are toyota owners, right? yeah. yup. would you be surprised to hear that honda is the most reliable car company? honda's reliable. well, it's actually not honda. really? what!? toyota! it's not toyota either. chevy! based on a nationwide survey, chevy is more reliable than toyota and honda. wow! get $4,500 total cash allowance on select equinox vehicles in stock when you finance with gm financial. that's 16% below msrp on this chevy equinox. find new roads at your local chevy dealer.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. our next guests are two funny men who share both friendship and a stage on their mutually abusive new netflix show, "bumping mics with jeff ross and dave attell." please welcome america's sweethearts, the new donny and marie, jeff ross and dave attell. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> yes. wow. wow. >> wow! wow! look at that! >> look at that.

>> holy moly. >> all right, all right. >> really. wow. >> all right! >> nice. >> hi, everybody. i'm jeff, this is my best buddy, dave. >> what's up, guys. >> how you doing, dave? what's happening, dave? thanks for getting all dressed up for the tv show. >> well -- >> dave looks like a terrorist disguised as a longshoreman. >> you know, that's really funny how jeff is making fun of me. look at this guy. he kind of looks like the world's oldest make-a-wish kid. i mean, look at him. nice. it's on. >> that's great. dave. maybe we could have donald trump pardon your appearance. >> guillermo, are you getting any of these jokes? >> guillermo: yes, sir. >> why are you holding your stomach like you've already heard our show?

dave, dave, why are you wearing clothes for today and tomorrow? >> nice one. >> dave's wearing a lost and found right now. jimmy, can he stay in your garage for the weekend? he won't even check bags. he wears all his clothes at the same time. >> you know, this guy keeps busting on me when, look at him, man. i mean, he kin [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, come on. stop. not funny. i'm sensitive. >> i don't know why we're beating up on each other. it's the holidays, am i right? >> it really is. my favorite holiday is the jewish holiday. >> hanukkah. where are the hanukkah people? [ scattered applause ] >> i love hanukkah. >> you do? what's your favorite part of hanukkah? >> hanukkah, well, the whole thing about hanukkah is it's like eight days and my favorite day is the fifth day, cinco de hanukkah. that's really where it gets nice. >> guillermo loves that one. >> guillermo: yes. >> what's your favorite holiday? >> my favorite jewish holiday is tupac shakur. in my family, we celebrate everything. my family, we celebrate all the holidays like this year, i got

my baby cousin, leah, i got her a bib that says, my first christmas. and i got my uncle murray a bib that says, my last hanukkah. >> nice one, jeff. >> dave, this is such a good holiday crowd. should we just say hi to people that are here? >> let's do it. [ cheers and applause ] i'll go up. i'll go up. i'll go up, and we can talk to them. what's happening? >> bumping it up. >> crazy, jeff, look at these people. >> i don't even know. >> this is great. >> dave, what about these guys? >> this is awesome. look at these guys. >> did you know -- did you see these three earlier? did you see these guys? >> look at these three. >> i got to ask them now. what is it that -- you guys are a couple, right? and this is -- and who is the woman on your left over here? that's your mom. all right. give it up, huh? >> really? >> there you go. >> that's going to be great. >> why does he look like he should be dating his mom?

>> i like that. how about these guys in the lakers outfits, dave? >> yes. hey, jeff, i didn't know the lakers had a math team but it's really nice to see. >> sweet. >> wow. >> cool. who you guys playing against, lenscrafters? look at this. jimmy, look at that. it's out of control. >> this is so much fun, dave. >> this is great. >> who else looks good? >> i don't know. how about on this side, what do you think, jeff? >> maybe not. >> very young crowd. very young crowd in here tonight. >> look at this three guys in. look at this guy over here. >> there we go. where are you guys coming in from? >> i'm from maui. >> from maui. wow. what do you think? >> guess that explains the tan. i don't know what's going on. >> it's great. >> you been smoking some of that maui wowie.

>> indeed, yes. >> what a hot crowd. this is awesome. should we say hi to jimmy? >> hold on. i'm, like, so much further away from the show. in a minute i'll be on "nightline." >> come back here. >> come back down? i'm coming back down now. >> the band. [ applause ] >> we crushed it. >> jeffery. dave. >> wow. wow. >> jimmy: so that was a little -- hey, dave, how are you? i love that. and i have to say, i love the show. i've watched -- you have three episodes of this show on netflix and that's basically what it is. >> it's us messing around with our friends and family. >> jimmy: us messing -- and you guys messing around with the audience too, which is a lot of fun. >> it is. >> jimmy: whose idea was it to do this together? because you both are successful individually, and dave also at some point i would love you to explain why you're wearing two hats at once. >> i don't know why everyone isn't. can i get through it quickly? you have some very good questions. this is my comedy hat. >> jimmy: okay. >> this is my deadliest catch

fisherman hat. >> jimmy: okay. >> i'm ready to go. >> dave's always dressed for an episode of "storage wars." [ laughter ] >> thank you. well, jimmy, that's a great question. i think what had happened is you know how it is, "late night" at a comedy club, i was on stage and jeff was in the room and i just brought him up and we started, like, going back and forth and riffing and there's nobody better than him, he is the roast master, am i right? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he is the roast master general. that's right. >> we kept doing it and doing it. >> jimmy: and dave -- it's fun because dave actually is my favorite comedian. i love him. i've known him my whole career and we're good friends but we have a very complicated relationship. like, dave is very close with his mom, and his mom is very close with me. >> what? [ laughter ] >> all right. >> protest bump on that one. >> jimmy: speaking of complicated relationships, i believe you posted this on instagram today. tell us what's going on here. >> this is me trying to text dave. none of the texts go through

because he has a 20-year-old flip phone. [ laughter ] you got to get with the modern times. >> i'm sticking with the flip phone. >> jimmy: why do you like that flip phone? >> it's like an old person. it takes a long time to warm up, you know? and then it's just racist. gett? >> it's slow. you know it is. this one is for you, jimmy. >> jimmy: what does it say? >> win ben stein's money is cancelled. >> jimmy: oh no! >> they're old. it takes a long time. >> jimmy: they're old. >> here's another one. i'm getting another one, jimmy. >> jimmy: dave, your premise here is that these texts are even 20 years old? >> they're very old. >> jimmy: okay, go ahead. >> here comes one, jeff. be careful. o.j. is driving south. i hope he's all right. [ laughter ] >> even the band doesn't know what to do, they're like, huh?

>> jimmy: who are some of the celebrities that have stopped by? i saw bruce willis. >> bruce willis came in the audience. we roasted him and my aunt donna on the same episode. >> jimmy: i saw aunt donna and bob sagat and michelle wolf. >> hassan minaj, michael che from "saturday night live." ken jeong. amy schumer, nikki glaser. >> jimmy: paul rudd was on it. >> paul rudd got [ bleep ] faced on our show. and came on stage and bumped mikes with us so he's a really good sport. >> jimmy: you did three episodes together. will we do more? do we know yet? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: i call upon the spirit of ted sarandos to renew the show. it's called "bumping mics with jeff ross and dave attell." >> will you bump with us? >> jimmy: yeah, i'll bump with you. >> bump it out, baby! >> jimmy: i'll be more than happy to bump.ff! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ s!"ce

>>th"jmy kmel live!" concert series is presented by mcedes-

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live!" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank amy adams, jeff ross and dave attell, and apologize to matt

damon. "nightline" is next, but first his album is called "bottle it in." here with the song "loading zones," kurt vile! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ back is aching but i cannot sleep because i want to be like i am the mayor ♪ ♪ of some godforsaken town sure they knighted me yesterday but who needs armor when i've an exoskeleton ♪ ♪ i slip and squirm through the cracks creeploading zos ♪ ♪ in my dirty little town get my

shopping done laundry too drop some dead weight ♪ ♪ clean my hands of what i need ♪ all from zone to loading zone of my town yeah ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ three grumpy girls and a dying daddy ♪ ♪ but oh so gorgeous the way they crave how beautiful to take a bite out of the world ♪ ♪ i want to rip the world a new one it just crawls out of my mouth anymore you can hate on it ♪ ♪ or you can hug it you can get all mushy and lovey-dovey it's all the same ♪ ♪ when i'm out there driving

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i pick up the knife and i went back to the bedroom. i took the sheets off. and i cut him. >> the shocking story that made international headlines.

now, 25 years later, john bobbitt is telling his side of the story to abc's amy robach. >> lorena has said that you were physically abusive to her. >> she was physically abusive to me. >> john bobbitt in his own words recounting that fateful night. >> when i sprung up and i was bleeding, something out of a horror movie. >> tonight inside the marriage of john and lorena bobbitt that started out with such hope and promise. >> he was a very nice guy. we started dating. that's how i really fell in love with him. >> and ended with an unthinkable act of violence that stunned the