tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC January 7, 2019 11:35pm-12:37am PST
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appreciate your time. dan ashley. >> ama daetz. for anthony, >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, courteney cox, from "if beale street could talk," brian tyree henry, and music from mt. joy. and now, back in action, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thanks. thank you very much. welcome. hi, everyone. thank you. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. happy new year to everyone. this is our first show -- [ cheers and applause ] -- of the year. that's very kind.
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we are -- we're back at it after a two-week break. you know, it's funny. we're gone for two weeks, at first it feels great to be on vacation, you relax, you're kind of hanging out. then kevin spacey makes an insane video and you've got no place to talk about it. i was out on the lawn yelling at the neighbors. [ laughter ] my resolution for this year, 2019, is this year my plan is to have $75 automatically deducted from my checking account every month, without ever going to the gym at all. not even the first time. [ laughter ] this is already shaping up to be a very different year for president trump. he now faces real oversight from congress for the first time now that democrats have control of the house. [ cheers and applause ] up until now the only oversight the president had to deal with is when mike pence would forget to pick his dry cleaning up. [ laughter ] this is the year we make america great again, again. humpty trumpty is very focused on his wall. this is day 17 of the government
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shutdown. nearly 800,000 federal employees are working without pay. that is donald trump doing what donald trump does best, not paying the people who work for him, that is where he shines. [ laughter and applause ] >> he's going to declare a national emergency to fund this wall. is that something he needs to declare? every day of this presidency is a national emergency. this is the third-longest shutdown ever, the first for no reason. the president doesn't like to call it a shutdown. he says he prefers the word strike. it's the first-ever involuntary strike in the history of american labor. this is basically the same thing he does with donald jr.'s allowance. it makes no sense. it's unfortunate these people, these workers who have nothing to do with this ridiculous wall, aren't getting paychecks, especially right after the holidays. so i wanted to do our part to pitch in. tonight and every night until the shutdown is over, we're going to put a federal employee to work here at the show. and we are going to begin -- [ cheers and applause ]
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-- with this gentleman. how are you? welcome. [ cheers and applause ] this is john castona. what do you do, what is your job? >> i'm a federal law enforcement officer, i work at the prison in victor relevant. >> jimmy: you ar guard? >> yes, sir, also the local union president there. >> jimmy: no one's watch is the prison now? [ laughter ] >> actually, we still have 1,000 other law enforcement officers back there. >> jimmy: that's good, yeah. that might even be a bigger problem than this whole wall thing. [ laughter ] >> yes, sir, it could be. >> jimmy: do you object to being used as a pawn in this fight over a wall? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: you do, okay. will you get paid eventually? like will they pay you at the end of this for the work that you've done? >> we hope so. >> jimmy: you hope so, okay. do you play an instrument, a musical instrument of any kind? >> no, i don't. >> jimmy: you do not, okay. we have a tambourine, though, right? you can play the tambourine, right? >> sure. >> jimmy: all right, john. you're in the band. [ cheers and applause ] all right, there you go.
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and have fun with it, really go wild. the guys like it. that's called solving problems, folks. the president has decided to address the nation tomorrow night in primetime to warn us about this imaginary crisis. he announced this via tweet today. the government may be shut down but the president as twitter is open for business. this morning he lashed out at journalists. he wrote, with all the success our country's having, including the just released jobs numbers which are off the charts, the fake news and totally dishonest media concerning me and my presidency has never been worse. many have become crazed lunatics who have given up on the truth. he's right, many have becomes crazed lunatics. one of those crazed lunatics even became president of the united states. [ laughter ] but i have to say, i'm glad he brought this up because over the last two weeks while i was on vacation, i've been thinking about the world and the new year and the way things are going. and i think what we need, if we want things to get better, and
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we all want that, what we need more than anything is truth. because it's in short supply lately, which is a shame. yes, we could blame it on our leaders, that would be easy. we also have to ask ourselves, have i been entirely truthful? i don't know about you but i have not. i'll give you one example specifically. with donald trump's hands. you know, i make a lot of jokes about donald trump's hands. being small. but are they really that small? maybe they're a little bit when average. but it's not like they're comecally small. even if his hands are small i feel weird making fun of them because there's something you should know about me. give me a second here. because i need to show you something. i hope nobody takes offense at this. all right. well, here we go. now i want you to just take a look here. now these are my feet. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] as you can see, they're very small. my shoe size is 3t.
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[ laughter ] should i be making fun of donald trump? should i be making fun of anyone? no i probably shouldn't will be because i have tiny baby feet. [ laughter ] i buy shoes at the american girls store, okay? so that is my truth. and i hope you share yours. fair llermo, anything you want to address here? >> guillermo: i'm not really mexican. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? well, that is big. where are you from? >> i'm from alabama. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, really. then you must be interested in the game tonight, i guess, huh. >> guillermo: oh, yeah, very interested. >> jimmy: i don't know if you know this. the college football championship game between crimson tide and clemson tigers is going on. this is the third time in the last four years alabama and clemson have met in the title game. they're like the tom hanks and meg ryan of college football. if a shocker the winner of the college football national championship tonight was
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"bohemian rhapsody." a total surprise. [ scattered applause ] >> also tonight, we welcomed a new season of "the bachelor" tonight. it was on at the same time as the football game. i might be the only person in america for whom this presented a conflict. [ laughter ] but luckily i got an advanced screening of "the bachelor" last night. the new bachelor is a former nfl player named colton underwood, aka the 26-year-old virgin. it's time to say hello to him. >> how much of the negativity and he's not ready do you think has to do with your virginity? >> that's -- that's sort of the stigma around being a virgin, oh, he's not romantic, oh, he's not going to be a good bachelor. >> he's not a man? >> yeah. >> jimmy: thank you. thanks for czi that, chris. [ laughter ] colton told reporters his virginity happens to be a very small part of his life, which is funny, because somehow it's become a big part of my life. my wife and i talked about his
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virginity for an hour last night. [ laughter ] colton wants people to know he's not ashaled of being a virgin, it doesn't define him, he's very happy and fulfilled, he masturbates like five times a day. [ laughter ] and he's ready to touch a human being now. he was introduced to 30 women tonight. one of them an interior designer from texas, demi, has an interesting family background. >> hello? >> announcer: this call is from a federal speaker prison. >> hey, mommy, you're on speakerphone. >> jimmy: that's going to be some hometown visit. [ laughter ] you ever met demi's mother at the prison where you work? >> not yet. >> jimmy: keep your fingers crossed. demi wasn't the only standout as far as nutty goes. that honor went to catherine. catherine wasted no time >> excuse me.yone in the house. i'm so sorry to interrupt. we only had a few minutes earlier and i wanted to talk to you a little bit more. can we color for a few more minutes? and then i'll pass him along to
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you. >> i'm sorry, i just really think we need to finish our conversation. >> excuse me. >> hi. >> hi again. >> how are you? >> do you mind if i interrupt? >> yeah -- >> having to make those really hard decisions -- >> excuse me, hi. can i have a few moments with you? >> oh. >> she's like jim acosta at a press conference, she doesn't stop. [ laughter ] what did colton do when the rose ceremony came around with this woman who interrupted three different times? he did exactly what the producers told him to do. >> will you accept this rose? >> yes. >> jimmy: you can't kick the crazy girl out week one, doesn't work like that. [ laughter ] you have to wait until between weeks four and six so everyone can get all frothed up and into a lather. i know how this goes. in fact, the start of every season, i pick which contestant will win after the first episode. by that i mean my wife mollie picks which contestant will win. she'd very good at it. she's predicted five of the last six winners on the bachelor, five of the last seven winners
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on the bachelorette. this is how seriously my wife takes these predictions. this is not a joke. we're watching the show last night. we're halfway through. these got a pad. she's taking notes. in a very serious way she says, i need to know what these women smell like. [ laughter ] unfortunately we weren't able to facilitate that request. but here are my/mollie's picks for the final four. they will be -- starting with cassie, the very first girl we met tonight. she's a surfer, she's a speech at on the, she works with kids, she's very attractive. cassie will be in the final four. katie, she's a medical sales rep, she's a dancer, colton seems relaxed with her, she didn't ask him, do you remember my name? katie will be in the final group. and so will kaylin. she's miss north carolina. nothing a virgin football player craves more than a miss north carolina. she's the first woman he kissed.
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finally, hannah g., who says she's a content creator which i think we all are at this point. but she's nice. she seemed nervous. they did a breathing exercise. he calls her gorgeous. he kissed her. the final two will be hannah g. and cassie. in the end, colton will choose, could we get a tambourine solo? ♪ [ cheers ] cassie will be the winner. cassie and colton are our couple for 2019. [ cheers and applause ] i just saved you all 11 weeks of your lives, you don't have to watch it now. [ laughter ] not everyone finds love on "the bachelor." almost no one does and that's a shame. so we decided that it was time to do something about that. so we reached out to a former bachelor contestant named danielle m., you may remember her from nick vialls' season of "the bachelor." she had a tough run on both those shows. i popular app to try to help danielle find
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love the new-fashioned way. we first met danielle m. looking for love on "the bachelor." >> biggest mistake. >> jimmy: she tried again on "bachelor in paradise." >> bring on the dudes! >> jimmy: now danielle's looking to find love on her phone. and here to help her on this journey, a man who's dated more than three women in his life. me. jimmy kimmel. the matchelor. hi, danielle. >> hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: i was under the couch. >> how long have you been under there? >> jimmy: a month. how are things going dating-wise for you right now? >> not so well. >> jimmy: we've seen some of your interactions on television. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and none of them really turned out. >> no, they didn't. >> jimmy: so i thought maybe we should try tinder, you know? >> i've never tried tinder. >> jimmy: what are you looking for in a man? assuming you are looking for a man. >> i am looking for a man. >> jimmy: okay. >> yes. i just want someone that's on my
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level. >> jimmy: what age range are you looking for? >> probably like 28 to 38. >> jimmy: someone who wants a family? >> yes. i want some kids. >> jimmy: okay. >> i mean, not like right now. >> jimmy: do you prefer his parents are deceased so you don't have to deal with in-laws? >> no. >> jimmy: okay. >> no, they -- parents can be alive. >> jimmy: all right, let look at your phone. let's see what we got going on here. i like the picture. how many pictures do you put on here? >> i put on -- i think there's like five or six. >> jimmy: oh, here's one of you pulling your shirt up. this should be your profile picture. >> no. >> jimmy: oh my god. this is one of your butt. all right. let's go through some guys. >> these are people who have liked my profile already. >> jimmy: there's 4,300 of them. there's too many of thny it's reallyinf overwhelming. >> jimmy: that's robert. >> what do you think of robert? >> jimmy: you know, i -- i mean, let's look at more pictures and decide. oh, no! no, no, no. oh my god. >> sorry, robert, you're not going to have my babies.
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>> jimmy: yeah, no. what about this guy? >> shirtless mirror selfies, nope. >> jimmy: you have a picture of your whole ass on your instagram. >> that's instagram, not my tinder profile. >> jimmy: okay. >> [ bleep ]! >> what happened? >> jimmy: what? is the guy showing his huge bulge? yes. he's the ceo, he said. i'm the ceo of my underpants. >> we're going to just -- uggh, get that one out of there right now. >> jimmy: this guy, chivalry and equality can walk side by side. nope. not that i disagree with that statement, but he's so full of [ bleep ]. who else do you like here? >> i'm going to be honest, he just looked hot. >> jimmy: i'm not -- you know, i just don't want to date him, i don't know what else to say. >> okay -- you know -- okay. >> jimmy: i don't know if we're going to get any of these. >> i know. >> jimmy: brian, have we looked at him? >> we haven't looked at brian. >> this guy's handsome, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: let's try him out, give him a try. what's this guy up to? maybe he should be our wild card.
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>> okay, we'll say -- that's our wild card. >> jimmy: okay, let's say yes to dustin. so this guy is a cinematographer. >> he's been writing me a lot. >> jimmy: he seems okay, i have to say. >> yeah, he actually is having actual conversation. >> jimmy: also you have to cherish these times with these guys where they're going to really take interest in the things that you're interested in. >> yeah. >> jimmy: pretend they're interested in them too. >> yeah. >> jimmy: because that's going to go away. >> is it? >> jimmy: yeah. so this is a good start. i mean, it doesn't tell us everything. we saw some pictures. we saw a little bio. now what we'll do is set it up and i will come with you on this date. then i'll help decide, and then we'll pick a guy for us. >> i love this joint venture we're on. >> jimmy: next time on "the matchelor." danielle and i sit down to review her tinder matches before a series of intimate one-on-one dates with me and a camera crew. how many women have you dated on tinder? do you pay for your own netflix account? can we get a sample of your
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sperm? will this end in love or a lawsuit? >> i'm recovering from a rattle snake bite. >> jimmy: find out next time on "the matchelor." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's going to be an amazing journey. tune in next monday for part two. hey, we've got a great show tonight. music from mt. joy, brian tyree henry is here and we'll be right back with courteney cox. [indistinct conversation] [friend] i've never seen that before. ♪ ♪ i have... ♪
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it's a high honor. (doorbell chime) matt. i think i got my fantasy nights mixed up. hey, bill. hey, matt. yeah, i'm going to... i'm going to go. you sure? you... yeah. snickers® satisfies. you sure? you... yeah. t-mobile knows dancing is better when you include a partner. singing is better when you include a friend. and unlimited is better with a phone included. it's true. forty bucks with the other guys, doesn't include a phone. so, start the new year right. join t-mobile and get unlimited with a phone included for just forty dollars per line.
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stage. [ cheers and applause ] you can see mt. joy on tour starting january 27th in richmond, virginia. tomorrow, golden globe winner for best actor rami malek will be here, with mary mccormack and music from morgan with walk the moon. and later this week, another golden globe winner, mahershala ali, claire foy, maura tierney, plus music from jeff tweedy and disturbed. and i also want to say happy birthday to the mother and grandmother of two of the cletos in our band. victoria escobedo, of san antonio, texas, today is her 95th birthday. so happy birthday, victoria. [ cheers and applause ] from all of us. she watches the show every night. >> cleto: thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: she's not in an assisted living facility? >> cleto: no, no, she's not. she's all right. >> jimmy: all right. you know what i'm going to do when i'm 95? nothing. i'll be dead. [ rim shot ] our first guest of the new year is alabama-born. you know her from "friends" and "a whole town full of cougars."
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she serves as executive producer and narrator of the new documentary series about how babies get born. it's called "9 months with courteney cox." it premieres on facebook watch january 22nd. please wel [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, courtney, how are you? >> good, how are you? >> jimmy: i'm doing well. happy holidays, happy new year, all that stuff. [ cheers and applause ] oh, oh -- i mentioned -- [ cheers and applause ] well, they love you. [ cheers and applause ] you are, as i mentioned in the introduction, from alabama. do you care about this football game? are you paying attention to it? >> oh my god, yes i care, yeah ? are you watching it backstage? >> i haven't seen it backstage. >> jimmy: in other words you don't care about it. >> i do, but i'm doing a talk show and i have to somewhat try -- >> jimmy: i am too, and i'm watching it under my desk, it's
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7-7 right now. >> is it really? >> jimmy: really. >> who do you like? please don't pick chemical money. >> jimmy: i don't care, really. for you, alabama. for really -- i've never been to alabama, honestly. >> that makes sense. it's pretty great once you get down there but there's no real stopping to see -- i'm not sure why people go. i'm from there. >> jimmy: of course, it's your place. >> clemson, that's such a rival for us. >> jimmy: it is for sure. you were in london and you had a hard time getting here. >> yeah, i was supposed to come back yesterday. i've been in london the last 10 days. i was supposed to come back yesterday. i got on the plane. before i got on the plane they said, oh, the plane's delayed. and i was like, oh, great, what's going to happen? they changed it, no, it's okay, just get on. i got on the plane with my daughter cocoa, on for like an hour waiting there. they came on the announcement and said, the pilot has taken ill. >> jimmy: really? >> and i was like, wait a minute. the plane -- i'm talking about this big jumbo jet, completely full. you don't know you're sick when
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you wake up? we have to wait until we're all on the plane? another hour, they said we're going to fly you to new york but we can -- we have a pilot that's going to take you to new york, a shorter flight. then they changed it, the plane's got full gas and you can't land it -- it's a complicated thing. >> jimmy: so what happened? >> i got off the plane and i've got to fly to new york. i've got to do jimmy kimmel tomorrow! >> jimmy: oh, thank you. >> yeah. then i flew to normal, spent the night, three hours. got back on a plane. i'm so delirious right now. >> jimmy: this is good, i will ask you very personal questions, then. [ laughter ] how is your man friend, what do we call johnny? >> my man friend, that's good. i don't know if that would go over that well? you were visiting him? >> i was visiting him. he's my -- we call him -- he's my partner. >> jimmy: okay. >> that's what he calls it, partner. i'm from alabama. so you don't really say partner unless you're in the same sex. >> jimmy: i see, yeah, right. i always think that too, they say partner, i'm like, uh -- oh,
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okay. >> he's my guy, he's my one. saying partner is difficult for me. i was in atlanta and i was like, i'm supposed to meet my partner at section f. they were like, oh, i'm sure she's going to be there, don't worry. [ laughter ] i was like -- not that it matters just a different way to speak. was in england, we go to this beautiful place, babbington house, outside of london, like 2 1/2 hours, a place called frome. this is our third year. it's fantastic. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> eat dinner with great, eccentric people. the next day you wake up and go to this pub. you walk 45 minutes to this small little place. i've never done that, i've never actually been able to wake up the next morning and feel good enough to walk to the pub. >> jimmy: on new year's day? >> absolutely, yeah. i mean, like i said, i'm from alabama. so i did this time. cocoa and myself and johnny and her friend ella. we started walking through these .we were kind of far behind people, so we didn't really know where we were going. once we got there i had a beer, hair of the dog.
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next thing you know, i'm floating. i have the best time. >> jimmy: really? >> the last to leave. >> jimmy: one beer? >> well, i was ignited from the night before. i was so pickled. >> jimmy: i see, yeah. >> i shouldn't say that. [ laughter ] anyway, we start walking back. everyone had left earlier. we got lost. so we started walking through these fields. i'm talking huge fields. next thing you know it says, do not trespass! >> jimmy: oh, great. >> we saw a shotgun, an empty shell shotgun. we'd see an electrical fence. do not trespass! we were so lost. it gets dark at like 3:00 in the afternoon there. it was getting scarier and scarier. next thing you know, oh my god. we were following tfo teenagers >> jimmy: oh, great. >> that's not a great idea. >> jimmy: in a foreign country? >> yeah. they know everything. >> jimmy: uh-huh. did they have their phones out to at least figure out which way to go? >> no, we didn't know anything. we saw footprints. oh my god, there's footprints! they were -- we found ourselves in like this field of rams. those are dangerous animals.
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>> jimmy: not the football team? [ laughter ] the actual -- yeah, okay. really? rams with the big horns and the whole deal? >> yeah, absolutely. >> jimmy: did they -- did they look at you and threaten? >> yes. we were petrified. it was a nightmare but it was one of the most fun days. >> jimmy: yeah, sounds really great. [ laughter ] >> took us like three hours to get home. >> jimmy: one beer, got drunk, and went on a harrowing journey. [ laughter ] all right, we're going to take a break. we'll talk about this new show of yours, which is really good. it's about -- >> so good. >> jimmy: you don't know how babies come out? you're going to find out next with courteney cox. we'll be right back. >> dicky: porings of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by ought-new chevy silverado. the strongest, most advanced silverado ever.
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switch to cvs pharmacy. "9 months" is a unique experiment. we've asked people all across america to film the nine months of their pregnancy. >> the week after we found out she was pregnant, she gets brett breast cancer. >> it's how it affects everyone. >> you were out of condoms? >> we had condoms, we just didn't use them. >> i have eight children and i am pregnant again. >> how can i actually pray for a miscarriage? >> there you go! >> oh, oh! >> hi.
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>> jimmy: that is "9 months with courtney cox." courtney cox is here. it's on facebook watch. what is facebook watch? is that an actual watch that one would wear? >> no, it's not. >> jimmy: like apple watch? >> it's not like apple. you could watch on an apple. it's a thing that you can download, like anything. >> jimmy: it's facebook's television program? >> exactly. >> jimmy: yes. >> i'm terrible at this. you've got to find it, this show is incredible. >> jimmy: it looks really good. how did you get these people to participate in this? >> you just cast it, essentially. you go to everywhere from doctors' offices to just find people who either are trying to get pregnant, are pregnant, or -- it's -- it is the most real thing you've ever seen. >> jimmy: because they're filming themselves. >> yes. they're letting us into the most intimate time of life before birth. the nine months. that's the only thing that these people have in common are these nine months. and what you see, you saw this girl, she finds out after she was pregnant, two weeks later,
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she found out she had breast cancer. she's shaving her head. everything about the show is so real. it breaks your heart and you laugh and you cry. it's incredible. it's on twice a week. you have selfie sticks and i'm too old to have a selfie stick. >> jimmy: no. >> well -- >> jimmy: really, everyone's too old to have a selfie stick, let's be honest. [ laughter ] even if you're 2 you're too old for a selfie stick. >> you have to film yourself. i had to visit the triplets. all i had to say, here i am going to visit jason and adam. and i was like, i didn't like the way i said that can i do that again? it's so crazy how comfortable people are. i could never be on a reality show ever. >> jimmy: i think you could be on one if you really wanted to. people just get conditioned to that stuff. >> just you feel comfortable. >> jimmy: it's funny that you're asking if you can do it again when you're the one actually taping it, so you're really just talking to yourself aloud. i heard you went to see bruce springsteen on broadway.
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you know i'm kind of obsessed with that "dancing in the dark" video. did he know you were coming on to that show? >> i think he might have known. he went with jennifer, i don't know if he knew i was going to be with her. >> jimmy: jennifer aniston. >> yeah. we went backstage afterwards. i was expecting who knows who would be there. >> jimmy: when you were in the audience did he do this? did he do that thing that he does? to you? >> i was kind of hope hg i would. >> jimmy: of course you were, everybody was. >> trying to get his attention. but no, he didn't. none of that. >> jimmy: you didn't get one of those. >> he did play that song, though. >> jimmy: ""dancing in the dark." it was fantastic, yeah. >> when i went backstage, i didn't know what did staekt. lo and behold, dr. ruth. is that right? >> jimmy: what? i don't know. >> the sex therapist. >> jimmy: yeah, dr. ruth. what do you mean, dr. ruth? she was there? >> backstage. she was so cute. >> jimmy: what? dr. ruth was backstage? >> yeah. >> jimmy: really? >> with bono. >> jimmy: wow. dr. ruth. she's got to be like old now, huh? >> she has to be one of the oldest people. she's so spry and cute and
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adorable. it's that sex, i guess. >> jimmy: let's hook her up with bono. we have a lot of inside jokes going on here. it's a new year, we're having fun. well, please, this show, "9 months with courteney cox," it premieres january 22ed on facebook watch. will you be having a baby on this show? >> i will not. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: maybe season two. courteney cox, everybody! thanks. we'll be right back.
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oh! under seven. in the same one-year study, adults lost on average up to 12 pounds. oh! up to 12 pounds? a two-year study showed that ozempic® does not increase the risk of major cardiovascular events like heart attack, stroke, or death. oh! no increased risk? ♪ oh, oh, oh, ozempic®! ♪ ozempic® should not be the first medicine for treating diabetes, or for people with type 1 diabetes or diabetic ketoacidosis. do not share needles or pens. don't reuse needles. do not take ozempic® if you have a personal or family history of medullary thyroid cancer, multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2, or if you are allergic to ozempic®. stop taking ozempic® and get medical help right away if you get a lump or swelling in your neck, severe stomach pain, itching, rash, or trouble breathing. serious side effects may happen, including pancreatitis. tell your doctor if you have diabetic retinopathy or vision changes. taking ozempic® with a sulfonylurea or insulin may increase the risk for low blood sugar. common side effects are nausea, vomiting, diarrhea,
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>> jimmy: welcome back to our first show of the new year. mt. joy and -- >> guillermo: jimmy, did you get my e-mails over the break? >> jimmy: i'm in the middle of the show, what's going on? >> guillermo: did you get my e-mails. >> jimmy: i don't know, i didn't check my e-mail over the vacation, can this wait? >> guillermo: no, i e-mailed my new year's resolution. >> jimmy: your what? >> guillermo: new year's resolutions. number one, i'm going to be more assertive. >> jimmy: okay. well. check, then. you're more assertive for sure. >> guillermo: the second is that i will have my own parade. >> jimmy: what? [ cheers and applause ] >> guillermo: the second one, i want my own parade.
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>> jimmy: when do you want to have a parade? >> guillermo: now! >> jimmy: like right now? >> guillermo: right now! let's go, follow me. come on, let's go. >> jimmy: excuse us for a minute -- >> guillermo: it's okay, they can come too. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> guillermo: jimmy, come and get on my float. >> jimmy: there's too many people, it's too heavy. >> guillermo: no, it's okay, my float has been certified the strongest and most advanced ever. >> jimmy: good, i eat a lot. >> guillermo: that's right. now we can get fat. let's eat! >> jimmy: is it raining nachos? >> guillermo: yeah.
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that was my third new year's resolution. >> jimmy: your third new year's resolution? >> guillermo: yeah. >> dicky: the all-new chevy silverado. the strongest, most advanced silverado ever. i'm a little bit country. and i'm a little bit rock 'n' roll. i'm a little bit of memphis and nashville. with a little bit of motown in my soul. i don't know if it's good or bad. but i know i love it so. ♪ i'm a little bit country. and a little bit rock 'n' roll. haacef easy fling and a liof a laid back n' country song. and when i sing my rock 'n' roll, i can sing it all night long. i love my country with all my heart and soul. go out on saturday night for a little bit of rock 'n' roll. i know i'm gonna feel alright. no matter where i go. with a little bit of country.
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and a little bit of rock 'n' roll. the all new chevy silverado. it's a little bit country, and it's a little bit rock 'n' roll. ♪ ♪ everyone in your family is only $10 bucks ♪y ♪ ♪ even your kid's friend who's always around ♪ ♪ at $10 bucks a head, trevor can stay ♪ ♪ 3 for $10 bucks, baby, bucks, baby, bucks ♪ mmm-hmm... ♪ oh baby, 3 for $10 bucks, ♪ ♪ baby, bucks, baby, bucks ♪ our because of smoking.ital. but we still had to have a cigarette.
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had to. but then, we were like. what are we doing? the nicodermcq patch helps prevent your urge to smoke all day. nicodermcq. you know why, we know how. (atlas) with verizon? do humans like overpaying don't they know they can get the 3rd, 4th and 5th lines free with sprint? (paul) yeah that means sprint's unlimited plan gives you 5 lines for just $20 per month, per line. (mom) really? (atlas) yes and you can save more than $1,000 over verizon and at&t with sprint. (mom) no way! (dad) robots don't lie. (atlas) the man in the mom jeans is correct. (avo) switch today and get 5 lines for just $20 per month per line. see how you can save more than for people with hearing loss, $1,000 in the first year with sprint. visit sprintrelay.com cheezcombination of thecrunch with-ying cheese. with their delicious perfection- cheese. it's not all about you cheese. you think i have a mouth. i'm a wheel of cheese. got a point. [yeah] cheez-it. cheesy, crunchy satisfaction.
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uh... thanks, phoebe. ♪ only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪ okay, so you've been to the it's great right? earth. but i bet you haven't done this. or that. or been here. i bet you haven't met her, or him, or them. ooo, dance-off! this is... incredible. you, see what i did right there. and when is the last time you felt like this, or that or (sighs deeply) i mean, come on- that's basically a perfect moment. it's time to make some magic for as low as $70 per person, per day.
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>> jimmy: all right, you're getting the hang of it, john. still to come, mt. joy. our next guest you know as "paper boi" miles on the emmy-winning show "atlanta." his latest is the critically-acclaimed new movie "if beale street could talk." it's in theatres now. please say hello to brian tyree henry. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> hey! hey! >> jimmy: i like your shirt. >> thanks, man. you see what it is? >> jimmy: oh, yeah, it's bob ross. >> bob ross, baby, with happy little trees. i felt i should bring it out
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here because i like the spirit of bob ross. >> jimmy: i like the rally towel too. >> i'm from north carolina, apparently we like to take things off and twist around our head like a helicopter. i did that for north carolina. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i was looking through the list of movies that you're in right now. how many movies are you in right now? >> "widows." >> jimmy: right. >> "if beale street could talk." and "spider-man: the spider-verse." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: regina king won -- >> regina king! you don't understand, guys -- >> jimmy: great actor. >> she is one of the most amazing women i've ever met. it's so great. the sad thing is we have no scene s together. >> jimmy: i don't know if you know about this. in d an article today. >> yeah. >> jimmy: they said that even though you're in the movie, 15 minutes, you should be nominated. >> yeah. >> jimmy: both critics said you should be nominated for an oscar. >> such an honor, such an honor, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, yeah. >> jimmy: that's exciting.
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>> unbelievable, man. i was like, the only other people to do that is judi dench. am i paralleling judi dench? >> jimmy: you remind me of a young judi dench. [ laughter ] >> that's what i'm going for, man. you'di, please, call me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: spider-man, do you have kids in your life? >> i am the uncle of 12. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> and the great-uncle of seven. >> jimmy: oh, boy. >> so sony was nice enough to give me all these spider-man toys. okay, great, christmas i gave to it all my nieces and nephews. then, we should go to the theaters to watch it. my sister was so kind enough to give the whole back row of the theater. the ages range from like, man, like 3 to like 13. >> jimmy: where did you go? where was it? which theater? back home? >> laurel, maryland. yeah, so like i grew up part of my life in d.c. i got this house -- hey! [ scattered applause ] >> a house in the neighborhood we grew up in. >> jimmy: nice.
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>> we had christmas there. we went to laurel, maryland. i kind of want to be, you know -- i want to go out there, have people running up on me. so we had a back row. man, when i tell you that this movie -- first of all, i'm not trying to blast my family, but the older people in my family, like my great-nieces and nephews' parents, missed the important scene that i'm in because they were getting chick tenders. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? >> i said, yo, come on, man, we got to go! i got the little ones in right as the credits started and right after my scene, all my older nieces and nephews came in, what'd we miss? [ laughter ] my scene, man! give me the chicken tenders! [ laughter ] but it was great. and the kids loved it so much. >> jimmy: i bet, yeah. >> at the end -- the music in the movie is really dope too. like it's really great. so like as the credits are coming along and my name pops up, the kids just start dancing and going crazy, with their toys, right? >> jimmy: yeah. >> so i'm like feeling really bad, like during the movie, any
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time they heard my voice they were going off. i'm like, oh, man, i'm sorry, guys. >> jimmy: it majors me so mad at my uncles, you know in a way. >> man, i felt like i got the gold star of uncles. >> jimmy: of course you did. >> i love these kids so much. >> jimmy: you can't beat spider-man, right, right. a black and latino spider-man so they're like, yeah! >> jimmy: right? >> they were to the moon. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you and i have something in common. i don't know if you know this. i was reading about you. we were both in the marching band in high school. >> [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: i played the clarinet in marching band. >> define played. because i didn't necessarily play the instrument. >> jimmy: what did you do? >> okay. so -- okay. so our marching band is the magnificent marching machine. east smith high school. fayetteville, north carolina. >> jimmy: ours was the million-dollar band. it was the '80s, it was worth a lot more back then. [ laughter ] >> okay. so my school is predominantly black high school in
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fayetteville. our marching band is a beast. >> jimmy: a good band. >> halftime show, like we're dancing, giving you like beyonce at coachella, you know what i'm saying? [ applause ] that's literally what our band is like. and so i really wanted to be a part but i didn't know how to play an instrument. i was like, i'm going to be part of this band. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> i was hh, a horn holder. i cannot believe i'm telling -- >> jimmy: really, they have a nickname -- >> yeah, man, because our band is the bomb. if you don't know how to play an instrument, you're a horn holder. in the baritone section -- >> jimmy: the baritone. >> the baritone section, a baritone horn. which is a big horn to have to march with, 90 degrees. you're doing all this dancing and all this stuff. then by the time it was over i still just pretended like i was playing the horn. >> jimmy: really, faking it, you're lip synching in a way. >>yeah, yeah, milli vanilli in my marching career. [ laughter ] >> so embarrassed by that.
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>> jimmy: you were also the school mascot. how did you manage being the mascot for football games and being in the band? >> when i got to be the mascot and in the marching band, i thought that i was a superhero. >> jimmy: yeah, sure. >> because like one, you know -- hearing my friends in the marching band, have no idea i'm not playing this instrument. then two, our mascot is the golden bull. i would have the golden bull on at the beginning from the games. i could mess with anybody, including members of the band. if you were like making fun of me for not playing an instrument, i could be the mascot and knock stuff out of your hand. >> jimmy: the mascot does whatever he wants. >> does whatever he wants. halftime i would run into the auditorium, change into my marching uniform, and run back on the field and do my routine. >> jimmy: wow. >> i did not get exposed until homecoming, and i was in the home coming pep rally and one of the cheerleaders knocked the bull head off of my head and the entire school was like -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh! >> it was the most embarrassing moment of my life.
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[ laughter ] it was like that pool party scene in it's grade, man. i heard the music. like, oh, no. i made it out alive. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you had a secret identity even before spider-man. it's great to have you here and you do a great job in "atlanta" as well. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: brian tyree henry! "if beale street could talk" is in theatres now. and we'll return with music from mt. joy. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by her seed dees beme. the best or nothing. when you're powering up for a video game binge try my new chilli cheese or triple cheese and bacon curly fries for just $3. jack. so just so you know, i was like this close to totally destroying your planet
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my new $3 sauced & loaded fries with curly fries and all-beef chilli or triple cheese and bacon are perfect for a late night video game binge. i would destroy the entire zerkanian armada for those fries. or you could just pay 3 bucks. or that. try my new $3 sauced and loaded fries. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to courteney cox, brian tyree henry, apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next, but first this is their self-titled album. here with the song "jenny jenkins," mt. joy! ♪ ♪ we don't come down we just stay up all year counting our vices ♪ ♪ dear
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and the that got us here but when i loved you it didn't have to be ♪ ♪ a language no written rules or commandments it was enough to be alive ♪ ♪ one by one or two by two ms. jenny jenkins you know i wouldn't ♪ ♪ change things even if i made it so we take our time and skip around some ♪ ♪ half my love is on the run half my love is on the run ♪ ♪ chase it down while i'm young la da da da la da da da ♪
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♪ da da dada la da da da da da da da la da da da ♪ ♪ my car broke down somewhere up on mulholland ♪ ♪ and we watched the lights fade on the imported palms and we laughed out loud ♪ ♪ at all of the here i'm dying on promises dear in the hollywood sun one by one or ♪ ♪ two by two ms. jenny jenkins you know i wouldn't change things ♪ ♪ even if i made it so we take our time and skip around some half my love ♪ ♪ is on the run half my love
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is on the run chase it down ♪ ♪ while i'm young la da da da la da da da da da dada ♪ ♪ la da da da da da da da la da da da dah ah ah ♪ ♪ la da da da la da da da da da da da la da da da ♪ ♪ da da da da la da da da dah ah ah one by one or ♪ ♪ two by two ms. jenny jenkins you know i wouldn't ♪ ♪ change things even if i made it ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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this is "nightline." >> tonight, deception in the dark. >> i woke up to someone touching me. >> a young woman tricked into having sex with a man posing as her boyfriend. even after admitting to it, his name cleared. >> just because they're lying or being deceptive doesn't make it rape. >> the outrage sparking a national conversation about consent. plus spinoff success. >> oh, good crazy people. >> the edgy, mouthy conners continuing their story bought their feisty star. a backstage tour through television history. >> these may be the original pickled eggs but i think they've been in this cabinet for about 30 ar
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