this is "nightline." tonight, journey to asylum. one father's life or death decision to flee home, with risks at every turn. finally, the fateful meeting with immigration officials. would it land them on the u.s. side of the border? >> this is the most courageous thing i've ever done as a human being. game changes, xs and os. in a same-sex marriage, coming out before his ground-breaking wedding. >> it's more genuine and real to love a man for jeffrey. >> reporter: how >> how their unique setup is defining the modern family. but first, the "nightline" five.

good evening. thanks for joining us. we begin with the battle at the border. the government is now 34 days deep into the shutdown, as the president still holds out hope for funding for a wall. tonight we meet the families giving a face to the struggle. here's abc's matt gutman.

>> mm-hm? si. >> reporter: ramos just got the phone call. it's one he says could be the difference between life and death for him and his 3-year-old son [ speaking in foreign language ] they've been staying here at a temporary apartment in mexico. but now u.s. immigration authorities are finally ready to hear the 28-year-old father's petition for asylum.

all they can take with them are in these two backpacks. one has a change of clothes and medicine. the other, toys for little fernando. they have been traveling for po more than three months, forced to leave after gangs in honduras threatened him and his child. it's a familiar story we heard across the border. families seeking asylum in the

u.s. by any means necessary. some waiting for moptnths in overcrowded shelters in mexico. some crossing the border into the u.s. illegally and turning themselves in to border agents. neither with guarantees, playing out in the shadow of a government shutdown, a partisan standoff over the border wall, straining resources, money and manpower. but for him, this moment is full of hope. a final meal before setting off. the father and son arrive for their appointment, not knowing on which side of the boarder they'll emerge. it would take our team two days to find out what happened to them. while many enter hundreds of thousands cross illegally with the hope of finding asylum.

yuma, arizona sector chief anthony high-traffic area for crossings. it didn't take long to find someone who had just come over the fence. a young girl. >> she took a bus and walked. >> reporter: she's taken into custody. the border pratrol asking whethr she'd been sexually a dangerous risk for many female migrants. so you can see where that young woman just dropped off the wall. she's only 17. and these are her foot marks where she dropped. but that blanket is what she lowered herself with and had a treacherous fall. she climbed over the wall. but the biggest problem here is people burrowing under it. how tall is this? >> it is 16 foot. we had a group of 376 individuals enter the united

states illegal laly. but most of them came under the wall. in my 30 really unheard of. >> reporter: but what many don't realize, in some areas you don't even have to cross the barrier to claim asylum. a number of asylum seekers here, migrants. this section of the border runs along the colorado river. while we are technically south of the barrier here, once migrants cross the river, they are in the united states and can legally try to claim asylum. and it's here we saw cristiano and ashley, a father and daughter from el salvador. [ speaking in foreign language ] >> reporter: since 2006, the number of people crossing illegal l illegally has been dramatically

declining overall, with a slight uptick in the last year, but the type of people crossing has changed. families up by 280% from a year ago, many escaping violence and poverty in central america. >> this is the yuma processing center. most of the aliens that we arrest in this sector are brought to this location. >> reporter: we were able to tour the facility, but cameras were not allowed inside. in that group of 376 people arrested, it overwhelmed the facility. i now see what you're talking about, these place aren't geared toward families, women and children. >> absolutely. they're geared for single adults. we have babies, young kids. we have them in our custody for a few days at a time. >> reporter: if you got an immediate fusion of cash right now, would it go towards dealing with this humanitarian problem? >> just the logisticsatn

geus. >> reporter: there was a kid in there alone in a cell because he has chickenpox, and he has to be isolated. but that takes up an entire room that you can't put other people in. >> and he has to be isolated. >> whenever anybody's arrested out in the field, this is where they will be brought into. >> reporter: in san diego, my colleague, martha raddatz, went inside a detention center. >> almost 100 people just this morning. >> correct, correct. >> does that include children? >> yeah, that includes the families. that includes the children. we've seen a significant increase of families crossing the border and unaccompanied minors crossing the border as well. >> why do you think that is? >> there are many pool factors. they're leveraging loopholes in our immigration system. there's basically a guarantee, if you come with a child, we don't separate families, if you come with a child you will be

released in about 20 days. court dates are sometimes years off in the future, and then they basically just, they see it as a free pass into the united states. >> reporter: starting tomorrow, the u.s. will enforce a new policy at the nearby san ysidro point of entry, making asylum seekers stay in mexico while their cases go through american courts, instead of allowing them into the u.s. two days after we left them, we learned it was good news for fernando. we found them in a shelter in tucson, arizona. it's run by the local catholic community services. >> they're purchasing a ticket right now. so we'll know pretty soon. >> where are they going? >> kansas city, missouri. >> reporter: it's a stopover before they head to missouri, where he will wait while his asylum case makes its way

through the court system. aid workers are now preparing him for the next leg of his journey. >> i am lost. >> reporter: he's aware that the road ahead has no guarantees, and he's scared of what could happen. [ speaking in foreign language ] >> reporter: but he says for the sake of his little travel partner, it's worth the risk. >> our thanks to matt gutman. up next, a former nfl player, his new husband and his ex-wife. how this unlikely trio is giving

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it was a historic first in the world of pro football. a same-sex wedding for a former dallas cowboy who hid his sexual orientation for decades. now jeffrey rohr is reshaping our view of a modern family. ♪ i was lookin' for a friend ♪ someone who would understand >> reporter: it's the ground-breaking love story that made headlines. >> i want to congratulate jeff

rohr, former cowboys linebacker. >> reporter: former dallas cowboys linebacker, jeff rohr doing something no other former or current nfl player had done. >> of all the things i've done in my life, this is the most courageous thing i've ever done as a human being. >> reporter: coming out and marrying his boyfriend joshua ross. >> you're walking into the rest of your life. >> everybody's bawling. >> reporter: it's not his first marriage. he was married to heather for 17 years. >> it was a different type of love. so it's more genuine and real to love a man for jeffrey. >> reporter: the former husband and wife redefining what it means to be a family, with heather and their kids living on the same property with jeff and joshua. >> we are a living example of a modern family. we got two teenagers, and joshua and i and my ex-wife living on the same property, not in the same house. >> we're going to be in each

other's lives forever because of our children. >> reporter: jeff says he was terrified about living openly as a gay man. >> i didn't want to hurt the cowboys. i didn't want to hurt the league. i want to be respectful to them. they were kind to me letting me wear the silver and blue and be a cowboy. >> reporter: why would being a gay man hurt the league? >> i don't know if it would hurt the league, but josh and i were the first same-sex couple in the nfl. >> reporter: the significance of setting that precedent wasn't lost on joshua. >> other people might project, oh, wow, that's amazing, datsding a footbadatsing a football player, but i knew in my mind that was going to be resistance to our relationship and might make it more difficult. >> reporter: to you it meant trouble. >> yeah, it did. >> reporter: jeff was known for fe fearlessness as a linebacker for the cowboys.

even making it on the cover of dallas cowboys weekly. >> we had the worst astroturf and there was a lot of blood back then. >> reporter: he played for six zients f seasons for the most famous team in the league. >> it was a nutty time. >> reporter: jeff says, along the way he dated a lot of women, all while ignoring his sexual orientation. what was your first inkling that you were different? >> well, i bourne ga born gay. that's just the way it is. i didn't practice it. >> reporter: he played for the cowboys in the '80s, a time when homophobia was often the norman coming out didn't feel like an option. why was being a member of the dallas cowboys and being gay

mutual l mutually exclusive? >> it was a different world. it was not okay to be gay, there was aids going around. >> reporter: so he lived a life he thought was expected of him. during those years did it ever occur to you that he could be gay? >> not at all. it all came out when my son was very smauch very small. >> reporter: it wasn't easy. >> it wasn't easy. >> we got divorced and at that point it was like okay, maybe this is the time. >> reporter: it was only a few years ago in his early 50s when he began facing his own sexual its. >> he had never been in a public space with a man. he didn't have gay friends. he wasn't going to gay bars or gay clubs. >> we met randomly at a restaurant in west hollywood. josh was sitting close, and we started talking. and two and a half years later we're married. >> reporter: they're now a media power couple.

jeff does infomercials and josh is an anecessasthetist. and that new modern family includes the now-teenage kids. >> all my friends were just super supportive. nobody was against it or anything. it's 2018. this is the normal. >> reporter: what was it like meeting josh? >> kind of just like i already knew kind of moment, like just, i was happy that my dad could finally say t. >> reporter: oh. >> yeah. >> reporter: why did that make you happy? >> because he could be who he always wanted to be. >> reporter: since his wedding, jeff says the response has been overwhelming. >> i've heard from a lot of my dallas teammates. >> reporter: you expected polite

silence. >> it was horrible. i wanted to sit down and say how you doing? we could hug it out. i think the people that are not okay with people being gay don't know gay people. >> reporter: jeff says he's heard from a lot of people still living in the shadows, including other athletes. >> they don't want to tell people they're gay, and, you know, my lesson is that it's okay. it's not easy, but once you do it, you're going to be a lot happier. >> reporter: do you think you'll see a gay player in the nfl someday? >> you've probably seen them right now and you don't know it. >> reporter: he showed me his helmet, the only relic he has left. a fire burned the rest. >> you only get them if you break them. and i broke that one, a couple others. >> reporter: so this is like real nfl damage. the most aching loss, his yale helmet. so tonight when he invited us to an ivy football gala, we

arranged a little surprise. >> we hope this per pet waits some of those memories. >> you brought me to tears. here we go. there it is! >> reporter: isn't that cool? >> wow. here we go. >> reporter: a new memento for a new beginning. we'll be right back. abc news "nightline," sponsored by geico. well the kids wanted a puppy, but they can be really expensive. so to save money i just found them a possum. dad, i think he's dead. probably just playin' possum. there he is. there's an easier way to save. geico. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. take prilosec otc and take control of heartburn. so you don't have to stash antacids here....

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on tomorrow's "nightline," the story of a utah college student killed by her ex-boyfriend, despite her repeated calls to police days before. >> talented, beautiful, tragic. tomorrow. >> i was so scared for her life. >> a "nightline" exclusive. >> i was on the phone with her, and then all of a sudden she yells, no, no, no. >> the parents of lauren mccluskey speak out. >> was lauren's death preventible? >> yes. >> tomorrow on "nightline." >> amy robach with that tomorrow. and remember full episodes of "nightline" right now on hulu. thanks for watching. goodnight, america. ca.