this is an abc color presentation in dazzling red, white and blue. ♪ tonight it's "jimmy kimmel live": intermission accomplished halftime tribute to trump. with appearances by -- will arnett, paul scheer, melissa alano, fred armisen, jack johnson, anthony atamanuik, bobby moynihan, jeff ross, josh scad, leon bridges, aloe blacc, and guillermo. "jimmy kimmelive" interm accomplished, a halftime tribute to trump, is brought to you by oceanic airlines. oceanic, flying to over 150

dr. magoosis' bronzing tonic when you want to look like a raccoon. extra tight golf pants. when you putt, show that nut. here to make america laugh again, your native-born host jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, and welcome. i am jimmy kimmel. i will say i'm -- i am triple red, white, blue to welcome you to our special show, "intermission accomplished," a halftime tribute to trump. here to celebrate the midway because let's be honest, this is a man who is far too humble to celebrate himself. [ laughter ] whether you are a democrat or a republican or even a canadian, i think we can all agree that dr. martin luther king jr. would be

honored and thrilled to share this day with this special orange man. and what a night this is going to be.re so honored to have so ny m embers of trweump's inner circle here in our studio auence tonight. all the way from washington, senator lindsey graham is here. [ cheers and applause ] trump's boysit wreh .us vice president pence is here with mother. don't they look great. this is exciting. senator ted cruz brought his be. senate majority leader mitch mcconnell outside his shell. and newly appointed attorney general flavor flav. [ cheers and applause ] he knows what time it is. all the stars of politics are here. as we look back on the many ways our president has made this country great again, quick question for those in our studio audience, did any of you get attacked by an ms-13 caravan on your way to the show tonight? no? guess why? because donald jennifer trump.

that's right this man knows how to get things done. he's done so much but you won't hear about it from the you can boo here. the fake news media. [ booing ] the news media says donald trump hasn't achieved anythi angnd that is just plain wrong. and i can prove that it's wrong the space force. that's right. [ cheers and applause ] the u.s. space force. i have no idea what it is but i the list of his accomplishments are endless. more than 6,000 tweets in office. at least half of those with no misspellings at all. [ laughter ] more than 100 days on thlfbsgoe ronment.i and let's not forget the election itself. donald trump got 62 million votes, second-most of any presidential candidate in 2016. goes out there and he wins some more.

and how much do we pay him for in? the two years since he tooks office our president has taken zero dollars in salary and he's earned every penny of that. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] if this country, the united states of america, is a box of nuggets, donald trump is our dipping sauce. some people, though, don't get it. to all the losers who call him our worst president ever, and that's what you are, losers, ask you this. would the worst president ever be able to get 3 doors down to play at his inauguration? [ laughter ] i don't think so. y weorstll konnoofwn by now. he was born the son of a poor american flagmaker from brooklyn, new york. he received a small loan of a nickel from his father to open a fried chicken stand and ar onergssan iization.hat after serving valiantly in vietnam without ever getting captured, trump returned from war a hero and married his

childhood sweetheart, melania, who to this day is still the only woman he's ever had sex with. [ laughter ] tr's a devoted family man. inp um every one of don jr. and eric's little league games. as a boss donald was loved by his employees for paying them promptly and for his generous catch phrase -- >> you're hired. >> jimmy: but this man trump had so much more to give. he announced his candidacy for president, running on a platform of kindness, friendship, and compassion -- kfc. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and the rest, as they say, is american history. we are so very lucky, we really are, to live in this time. our wonderful president has so much love to give. but you know what they say, you can't truly love another until you love yourself. and no one loves himself more than donald trump. [ laughter ] >> i'm smarter than they are. i'm richer than they are. i became president and they

didn't. i'm really rich. i'm much richer than almost anybody. i am so smart. i am the smartest person. and one of the smartest people he tinldor w. it's true. trust me, i'm like a smart person. i went to an ivy league school. i'm very highly educated. i know words. i have the best words. people would say i'm the super genius of all time. the super genius of all time. i'm a man of common sense. i'm a very stable genius. i make great deals. the doctor said, man, you have the blood pressure of a great, great athlete who's 20 years old. i can be more presidential than any president that's ever held this office. i'm really good at war, i love war. donald trump is maybe the best interview there is. the biggest ovations. society loves me. nobody builds walls better than than me.wsolit bia nobody has better toys than i do. nobody loves the bible more than amendm an me.

i think i am actually humble. i think i'm much more humble than you would understand. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so humble, so humble. you know, we are bngmieafryoomom but there are celebrations going on all over thworld, including washington, d.c. r onap, ere celebration in aust, texas, happening. even internationally. vave br,ri of course in detroit, the motor city, things are really happening there. pyongyang,or klothorve, himea.name never f president gigglema o ur tight, m trump is take a well-deserved victory lap. there's a big party in progress. let's go there now. joining us live via satellite from pennsylvania avenue, say hello to kellyanne conway, the president's number one lady.kel

sorry to interrupt but hello. >> oh ah, hi, jimmy. ore it's low iq libtard kimmel! >> jimmy: are you having a party with the shutdown? >> the shutdown get-do.wn j>>hoppers and riur. es >> we don't need chefs in the white house, you snowflake. we don't need chefs or janitors or toilets -- >> jimmy: no toilets? >> we've been peeing in michelle obama's vegetable garden. >> jimmy: oh, come on, now. >> george, get me a drink. >> jimmy: who is george? >> my husband george. >> jimmy: oh, yes, george. he's very outspoken against the president. >> not tonight he's not. >> jimmy: oh. wow, hi, george. >> mmphh!

>> go back to your hole, you chubby little bitch. it's a six -- sex thing, jimmy. george is a voracious and experimental lover. g bed.esident just fired up his tannin get the backup generator! >> jimmy: when do you think this shutdown will be over? kellyanne? >> we just lost power. let's get to it, bitches! >> jimmy: i don't know what's going on there but it looks like they're having fun. thank you for joining us, kellyanne. >> you're very welcome, nightie night! georgie, i'm coming! rrtewe areyi now on day 31 of d trump's big beautiful government shutdown, and each night to fight back against the schumers nd the pelosis we have be our unpaid erfede laco omil f ng.work us what it is that you do for the government.

>> i work for the national archives and records chniarmiadd nitixostn president library and museum. >> jimmy: very good. [ cheers and applause ] what we would like you to do is to organize our presidential library. we've got all the books about trump right there on one bookshelf. and you can see it goes all the way from "art of the deal" to "full disclosure" by stormy daniels. that one has a great mushroom recipe. [ laughter ] if you would go ahead and do whatever you do, will you do it alphabetically? >> whatever you like, i can do alphabetically, i can do library of congress numbers, dewey decimal system. >> jimmy: yes, dewey decimal system, time to put that back in the spotlight. [ cheers and applause ] we continue to look back fondly. we're lucky to have in our audience one of the most memorable personalities from the election in 2016. this is a man who set the world on fire with indecision and he joins us tonight, ladies and gentlemen, the one and only ken

bone is here! [ cheers and applause ] wow. and ken? [ cheers and applause ] thank you for coming. it's great to have you here. how are you? >> it's great to be here, jim. >>: urmyimwed atsebaer i guess w who you ended up voting for. >> oh, no, this, no. i didn't vote for donald trump, no. >> jimmy: oh, really, you don't? >> yeah, no. i got panicked. and i wrote in a vote for papa john. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. >> that ended up being a big >>soake. . >> yeah. but i'll tell you who i'm going to vote for in 2020, the greatest president of all-time, donald j. trump, huzzah! >> jimmy: excellent choice. what makes you sure about trump this time around? >> oh, well i owe trump everything, don't i, jimmy? i'm a celebrity now.

they buy me sweaters. >> jimmy: oh. >> yeah, i was even offered to play a pedophile on "svu." >> jimmy: ohce . o t>> >> jimmy: oh, well that all sounds like a lot of fun, but is more to do with the fact that you are an interesting characte president trump. >> well, hold the bone. [ laughter ]th people love me because of me? what i'm saying, yeah.s that is >> well, that changes everything, jim. >> jimmy: does it change who you're planning to vote for next time? >> yeah, it sure does. i'm planning on voting for me! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you? >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you're going to run for president? >> hell yeah i'm going to run for president! it's time to make america bone again! [ laughter ]

maba! >> jimmy: okay, i think -- i like the sentiment, i think the slogan itself might need a little bit of work, though. >> well, how about -- how about, hey, america, prepare to get boned? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, no. i'd say absolutely not that one. >> okay, what about this guy, feel the bone? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's a little much. some people -- needs to be a little -- maybe something more -- yeah. >> okay, what about, yes, we ken? >> jimmy: that's better. ken, i have to move on. we've got a big show planned -- >> perfect, i've got to move on too, i've got to start campaigning. >> jimmy: okay, thank you, ken. [ cheers and applause ] thanks so much for coming. >> thank you. >> jimmy: really great to have you here. >> thank you so much. hey, america! you've got [ jmy: likeha that's the one. [ cheers and applause ] >> yes, we ken! >> jimmy: ken bone, everybody. tonight we literally singing the

president's praises. all the way from salt lake city, utah, a group of enthusiastic young people ready to make america groove again with a musical salute to our commander in chief. please welcome up with trump! ♪ ♪ mister tan man send me a tweet from your official white house toilet seat ♪ ♪ make it in all caps and add exclamations then send it out across this whole great nation e an mannews coverage's guaranteed

♪ ooh my little pretty one you're set to "stun" tell me how'd you get so damn fine, ivanka ♪ ♪ ooh you make a golf cart run like air force one 'cause you're in your ♪ ♪ physical prime, ivanka oh you're extra hot like a bucket of kfc love you even more ♪ ♪ than my sons or tiffany oh my, my, my aye-aye, whoo ♪ ♪ m-m-m-my ivanka ♪ ♪ the power of trump is a curious thing makes the snowflakes weep ♪ ♪ makes the maga hats sing bigly hands pulled us out of a slump ♪

♪ and now we're great again that's the power of trump tough as a trump steak cool like ice ♪ ♪ smarter and richer than the lord jesus christ with hair so golden teeth so bright ♪ ♪ power of trump will keep this country white he's got hotels ♪ ♪ private planes black credit cards a massive brain he's strong ♪ ♪ and he's stable and he's cruel sometimes and he's married three different wives ♪ ♪ that's the power of trump pow power of trump ♪ ♪ that's the power of trump feel the power of trump ♪ ♪ feel the power of trump ♪ feel the power of trump

♪ feel the power of trump [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. that's -- please. how about that. up for trump, everybody. take a bow, that was sensational. wow. [ cheers and applause ] aren't they terrific? what a show so far. and we've got so much more to come on an intermission accomplished, a halftime tribute to trump. stick around, we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

that leave therea lasting impression. like the feeling of movement as a new journey begins, or the sight of soft fur, warmed by the morning sun.

you might remember new flavours, the sound of an old friend's laugh, or a view that defies all expectations. these are the memories that stay with you, long after the moments have passed. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

ah, another beautiful day here on mt. rushmore. let's do our presidential roll call, shall we? washington? >> here! [ cheers and applause ] >> jefferson? >> present. [ cheers and applause ] >> roosevelt. >> but i -- eph -- what is that infernal racket? >> they're adding another head to mt. rushmore. >> who could it be? >> watch it jose, that hair the made of 24-karat gold. i had to melt down all my >> welcome, newcomer. and who might you be? >> are you serious? i'm the 45th and best president of the united states, donald jesus trump. >> a new pntdesillwe,

be the first to say, south dakota is honored to have you. >> i love the dakotas. south dakota, east dakota, dakota johnson, dakota fanning. i know them well, fantastic people, so great. >> well, if you've been added to mt. rushmore, you must have accomplished something amazing during your presidency. for instance, i gave the gettysburg address. fourscore and seven years ago -- >> big deal. i score all the time. >> hm. well, i also ended slavery. >> that's not true. i've been making a bunch of federal employees work for free for 31 days. >> oh. >> well, in my presidency we finished the panama canal. >> panama! great song, filthy place. and who cares about a frickin' canal? i build golden towers with my name on them. and we have taco bowls.

>> well, i wrote the declaration of independence. >> never heard of her. >> i was america's first president. that's why i'm on the one dollar bill. >> you mean that money poor people use at strip clubs? wow, i'm so impressed. listen, losers. this place sucks. so i'm going to take it from dump to trump. >> what ever do you mean? >> first of all, goofy george, i'm making that old wig you wear an oil rig, you like it? >> no, i cannot tell a lie. >> i don't have that problem. tiny tommy, tiny tommy, the dirty nose of yours is now a big beautiful water slide. >> this is highly unorthodox! >> woe, mm, daddy likee! and you, fatty boom boom? >> theodore roosevelt! >> whatever. i made your moustache a landing pad for the space force.

>> oh, oh, it tickles! i hate it. >> and i have a special surprise for you, honest abe-hole. >> fore! >> what was that? >> a golf ball. this whole place is now a trump luxury golf course and you are 4 under par, kim jong. look at his little rocket dance, it's so adorable, i love you. >> president trump, with all due respect, mt. rushmore honors the united states presidency, an office of courage and compassion for hundreds of years. to desecrate it in this way would be a slap in the face to both democracy and the proudness of america itself! >> i'm sorry, were you talking? i was tweeting that the dalai lama looks like a potato. >> mr. trump, we're going to have to ask that you leave mt. rushmore this instant! >> well, you can't. because it's no longer called

mt. rushmore. it's called mt. russia. mt. russia! that's what those hookers in the hotel let me do. >> fore! >> my goodness. >> wow, nice shot, o.j. >> this is just ridiculous. >> this is preposterous. [ cheers and applause ] >> "jimmy kimmel live," intermission accomplished, a halftime tribute to trump is brought to you by the u.s. space force. as the sixth branch of the u.s. military, the space force is totally real and very awesome. join the fight against the universe. be a part of the space force. >> space force! it's really great, it really is. we just hit a spot, and we just lost control. (glass shattering) my life flashed before my eyes. (911 operator) 911, what's your emergency? (overlapping radio calls) if the firemen didn't answer their call,

i truthfully don't know where i would be. i'm grateful for you guys, every time i step on the field. ♪ ♪ just as important as what you get out of it? our broccoli cheddar is made with aged melted cheddar, simmered broccoli, and no artificial flavors. enjoy 100% clean soup today. panera. food as it should be.

discover card. i justis this for real?match, yep. we match all the cash back new cardmembers earn at the end of their first year, automatically. whoo! i got my money! hard to contain yourself, isn't it? uh huh! let it go! whoo! get a dollar-for-dollar match at the end of your first year. only from discover. new aveeno® cracked skintell you cica ointment. what to wear. with shea butter and triple oat complex. for fast relief and a protective barrier for lasting relief. wear what you love, aveeno®. ths d.it a revolion in sleep. 9,uring th te sleep number event.

it senses your movement, and automatically adjusts to keep you both comfortable. it even helps with this. only at a sleep number store. save 50% on the sleep number 360 limited edition smart bed. plus, 24-month financing on all smart beds. only for a limited time. sleep number. proven, quality sleep.

the latest inisn't just a store.ty it's a save more with a new kind of wireless network store. it's a look what your wifi can do now store. a get your questions answered by awesome experts store. it'se like never before store. the xfinity store is here. and it's simple, easy, awesome.

ed gets copays as lowlily go to as zero dollars on medicare part d prescriptions. ed gets labels clear as day. and, lily.... lily gets anything she wants. ed knows he could just have us deliver his prescriptions. but what's the fun in that? switch to cvs pharmacy.

>> jimmy: welcome back to our halftime tribute to trump. as we celebrate the president's many deeds over the past two years, let us also reflect on his power of speech. this president has delivered so many poignant words, the best words since he took office. donald trump has tweeted more than every other president in history combined. more than washington, more than lincoln even. and tonight we remember his most memorable lines. here now to set the historic tweets of our president to music, please welcome the great grammy nominee leon bridges. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ democrats can't find a smocking gun tying the trump campaign to russia after james comey's testimony ♪ ♪ no smocking gun no collusion

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ great being with the national champion clemson tigers last night at the white house ♪ ♪ because of the shutdown i served them massive amounts of fast food ♪ ♪ i paid over 1000 hamberders ♪ but then it was all gone great guys and big eaters ♪ ♪ hamberders mm [ cheers and applause ] ♪ witch hunt! a total witch hunt this is the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in american history ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

♪ congratulations to rex tillerson on being sworn in as our new ♪ ♪ secretary of state he will be a star! ♪ and nine months later -- ♪ ♪ rex tillerson didn't have the mental capacity needed he was dumb as a rock and i couldn't get rid ♪ ♪ of him fast enough he was lazy as hell ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ space force all the way!

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. beautifully done. thank you, leon. thank you very much. leon bridges, everybody! our presidential salute continues when we return! >> announcer: "jimmy kimmel live," intermission accomplished, a halftime tribute to trump, brought to you by clean-burning coal. coal, the fuel of tomorrow, keeps america's great businesses humming. don't be a chump, buy a lump. coal, energy to burn. touch shows how we really feel. but does psoriasis ever get in the way? embrace the chance of 100% clear skin with taltz, the first and only treatment of its kind offering people with moderate to severe psoriasis a chance at 100% clear skin. with taltz, up to 90% of people quickly saw a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques.

don't use if you're allergic to taltz. before starting, you should be checked for tuberculosis. taltz may increase risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. tell your doctor if you have an infection, symptoms, or received a vaccine or plan to. inflammatory bowel disease can happen with taltz, including worsening of symptoms. serious allergic reactions can occur. ready for a chance at 100% clear skin? ask your doctor about taltz. oneeeee... did you try this one? feel this one. it's amazing! twooooo... it's nice. but it's kinda pricey. hi. hi. you can't skimp on a decision this important. a mattress is where you'll spend over half your life and eat all your meals. but it's all good. just use pay it plan it. pay it plan it is a payment feature from american express. choose a monthly plan to split up large purchases over time with no interest and a fixed fee. need me to help you carry this to your car or... the powerful backing of american express. don't live life without it. that's an aggressive yellow.

prt ry. g. two scoops meet real banana slices. i've done a good job of raisin ya. two scoops meet real banana slices. we'd love some help with laundry. here's how you do it. spray and scrub anything with a stain. soak your nasty jersey. it stinks! wash the really dirty clothes separately. remember -hard work builds character! new tide pods with upgraded 4-in-1 technology unleash a foolproof clean in one step. aww, you did the laundry! but you didn't fold it. oh, that wasn't in the note. should have sent a text. #1 stain and odor fighter, #1 trusted. it's got to be tide. whoooo. did you know the exact same hotel room... ...can have many different prices?

that's why tripadvisor searches over 200 booking sites to find the lowest price on the hotel you want. your perfect hotel room for the perfect price! getting used to each other's idiosyncrasies. it's an adventure. a test. [ grunting ] a test that jeff failed miserably. [ upbeat music starts ] the spacious volkswagen tiguan. more room means more fun. and i wanted to ask you before i ask her

may i have your permission to marry her? you're marrying her and her whole world shop neil lane diamond engagement rings... ...at kay. -jamie, this is your house? -i know, it's not much, but it's home. right, kids? -kids? -papa, papa! -[ laughs ] -you didn't tell me your friends were coming. -oh, yeah. -this one is tiny like a child. -yeah, she is. oh, but seriously, it's good to be surrounded by what matters most -- a home and auto bundle from progressive. -oh, sweetie, please, play for us. -oh, no, i couldn't. -please. -okay. [ singing in spanish ]

-please. -okay. what'with coverage havinthroughout your home? how about having internet that can help you save on wireless phone service? xfinity gives you the fastest speeds from

america's best internet provider to stream on all your devices. plus, with xfinity mobile included, you can switch your wireless carrier and save hundreds of dollars a year. now that's simple, easy, awesome. get started for $29.99 a month for 12 months. plus, ask how you can get xfinity mobile included so all you pay for is data. switch today. we travel now to the plains of africa where our brave first sons, eric and donald jr., embark on the quest to find the perfect gift for president dad. we join them now. [ cheers and applause ] >> here we are in africa, eric. >> that's right, donald jr. what a [ bleep ] hole country. [ laughter ] stop it. africa's not a [ bleep ] hole country, it's a [ bleep ] hole

continent. >> well, whatever it is, let's go home. >> first we got to go and do what we came here for. we came to kill the last lion in existence. >> oho, oh man, i can't wait to make my half into a new wig for daddy! [ laughter ] >> great idea. i'll use my half for that too! [ laughter ] but finding the last lion won't be easy. it will take patience and wits and determination and -- >> roar! [ cheers and applause ] >> thanks. roar! i'm the last lion in africa! >> quiet, lion, we're trying to use our wits and determination. [ laughter ] >> eric, stop talking and kill it. >> wait, wait, guys. hakuna matata, have you ever heard of that? >> great, now it's speaking

muslim. [ laughter ] >> it's an isis lion, shoot it! >> no, no, no, you can't shoot me. >> why not? >> it's illegal. i'm an endangered species. >> breaking news, in executive order, president trump has legalized all killing of everything. >> oh, well that's fake news is what that is! that's the old fake news, right, guys? >> yeah. we are too stupid to know. >> oh. [ laughter ] wait, there's so much i haven't had a chance to do, i never got a chance to find a mate, to settle down for life. >> our dad never did that either. >> and i never got a chance to have sons that i could be proud of. >> our dad never got a chance to do that either. >> and i'll never get to have sex with a porno star. >> our dad never -- >> actually -- he did that one. [ laughter ]

>> huh. you know? maybe we're not so different after all. >> that's right. we should be friends. >> friends? what's friends? >> our grandpa's name was fred. >> not freds. friends. friends. they're like butlers that you don't have to pay. >> wait what are you talking about? someone who actually wants to spend time with you? >> that you don't have to pay? >> right. friends are the kind of folks who share your interests. like me. >> whoa! >> wait! you support daddy? >> uh-huh. >> but everything he stands for has a negative impact on your life. >> when has that ever stopped anyone from supporting donald trump? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> you got a point, lion. let's do this. any last words? >> oh, well -- um -- yes.

make sure you hang my head somewhere classy. >> got it. buffalo wild wings! >> we did it! we killed the last lion in africa! now everyone will think that we have huge ding dongs! [ laughter ] >> dad will be so proud. if only he had people feelings. ♪ ♪ in the jungle the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight ♪ ♪ oh wheem oh way ♪ oh wheem oh way ♪ [ cheers and applause ] the chev.

various: beautiful. wow. ooh, this is fancy. moderator: that's the available hd surround vision camera. the top of your car? moderator: mm-hmm. it helps you see dangers around the vehicle. what is that? various: wait, wait, wait, what is that? oh, my... (mixed shouting) man: these are big alligators. moderator: so who's getting out first? (laughter) get 0% financing for 60 months on most equinox models. or, current gm owners can get $3,500 total cash allowance when financing with gm financial. find new roads at your local chevy dealer. oh! oh! when financing with gm financial. oh! ♪ ozempic®! ♪ (announcer) people with type 2 diabetes are excited about the potential of once-weekly ozempic®. in a study with ozempic®, a majority of adults lowered their blood sugar and reached an a1c of less than seven and maintained it. oh! under seven? and you may lose weight. in the same one-year study, adults lost on average up to 12 pounds. oh! up to 12 pounds? a two-year study showed that ozempic® does not increase the risk of major cardiovascular events like heart attack, stroke, or death. oh! no increased risk?

♪ oh, oh, oh, ozempic®! ♪ ozempic® should not be the first medicine for treating diabetes, or for people with type 1 diabetes or diabetic ketoacidosis. do not share needles or pens. don't reuse needles. do not take ozempic® if you have a personal or family history of medullary thyroid cancer, multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2, or if you are allergic to ozempic®. stop taking ozempic® and get medical help right away if you get a lump or swelling in your neck, severe stomach pain, itching, rash, or trouble breathing. serious side effects may happen, including pancreatitis. tell your doctor if you have diabetic retinopathy or vision changes. taking ozempic® with a sulfonylurea or insulin may increase the risk for low blood sugar. common side effects are nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stomach pain, and constipation. some side effects can lead to dehydration, which may worsen kidney problems. i discovered the potential with ozempic®. ♪ oh! oh! oh! ozempic®! ♪ ask your healthcare provider if ozempic® is right for you.

(atlas) with verizon? do humans like overpaying don't they know they can get the 3rd, 4th and 5th lines free with sprint? (paul) yeah that means sprint's unlimited plan gives you 5 lines for just $20 per month, per line. (mom) really? (atlas) yes and you can save more than $1,000 over verizon and at&t with sprint. (mom) no way! (dad) robots don't lie. (atlas) the man in the mom jeans is correct. (avo) switch today and get 5 lines for just $20 per month per line. see how you can save more than for people with hearing loss, $1,000 in the first year with sprint. visit sprintrelay.com at panera, we treat soup differently. with vine ripened tomatoes, signature cheddar, simmered to perfection. with big flavors, not artificial ones. enjoy 100% clean soup today. panera. food as it should be.

but one blows them all out of the water. hydro boost from neutrogena®. so it bounces back. neutrogena® so it bounces back. free, free free. ♪ [explosion] ♪ that's right. turbotax free is free. free, free free free.

the one with the designer dog collar.(sashimi) psst. hey, you! wondering how i upgraded to this sweet pad? a 1,200-square-foot bathroom, and my very own spa. all i had to do was give my human "the look". with wells fargo's 3% down payment on a fixed-rate loan and a simpler online application, getting into my dream home was easier than ever. get your human to visit wellsfargo.com/woof. what would she do without me? history has been made since donald j. trump was sworn in as 45th president of the united states. now you can own a piece of it

with great moments in trump history commemorative plates. >> i'm alyssa milano. you will be the envy of family and friends thanks to these priceless works of art highlighting all of our president's most unforgettable moments. relive all the glory. when our president triumphantly ascends the stairs of air force one with toilet paper on his shoe. trump and vladimir putin's first kiss. feel the president looking directly at the sun during a solar eclipse. and everyone's favorite, our president proudly posing with hundreds of hamburgers. these masterpieces are crafted in fine endangered african elephant tusk and richly accented with the same 22-karat gold trim used on the president's commode. but like members of the trump administration, this offer won't last. make these incredible keepsakes yours for seven easy payments of only $29.98.

if you call in the next four seconds, you'll receive the sean spicer pizza slicer absolutely free. do the right thing. pick up a jitterbug phone and call now. >> have your credit card and call 800-720-0622. you won't regret it. that i can dead you. no funds no fatties. operators are sitting by, call now. >> available at walgreens. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, alysa. thank you walgreens. we have yet another surprise for you and this one comes to us live via satellite from his office in washington. our great secretary of housing and urban development, please say hello to dr. ben carson who is standing by watching the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] dr. carson? dr. carson? all right, i guess we'll check back in with him later, poor guy's all tuckered out, you know. it's been a long two years. anyway, we have yet another special guest who is coming to us from, well, listen. without this next guest, we

wouldn't even have this president of the united states. and here now, straight from the bowels of hell itself, please welcome donald trump's father, fred trump. fred trump! fred, how are you? [ cheers and applause ] thank you for joining us. >> not a problem. i was just playing bocce down here with christopher columbus and that dirty italian cheats worse than he navigates to india. >> jimmy: i have to say i'm surprised they have bocce in hell. >> that's all we have, lawn sports and canker sores. anyhow. word from below is you're honoring my boy. >> jimmy: that is right, celebrating two years in office. >> you're giving credit to the wrong trump. >> jimmy: really, how's that? >> you should be paying tribute to me. everything donald accomplished, every single thing he's done, is because of fred trump. if i had hugged that pudgy little turd even once during his

childhood, none of this would ever have happened. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: fred why were you so emotionally withholding? >> why? what do you mean why? >> jimmy: why? >> you try loving donald trump. go ahead. picture his face. [ laughter ] do you feel love? >> jimmy: no, no. but he's not my son. >> oh how i wish i could say those words and make them true. >> jimmy: oh, come on, fred. [ laughter ] so you credit his presidency to the fact that you didn't show him any affection? >> all i'm saying is if i hadn't built an emotional wall, maybe he wouldn't be so obsessed with building a real one. how's that for some oprah [ bleep ]? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's powerful. but hasn't he -- >> what, what? >> jimmy: hasn't he done anything that's made you even a little bit proud? >> yes, he has. >> jimmy: okay. >> remember when he told that

7-year-old that santa claus wasn't real? >> jimmy: yes, i do. >> i loved that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well. >> that was incredible. >> jimmy: okay. >> christopher and i had a good laugh. >> jimmy: all right. >> he was also pretty good in "home alone 2." >> jimmy: okay. >> it's the only movie we have down here. >> jimmy: oh, that is -- that's tough. i'm sorry to hear. >> that's what you get for being a racist. >> jimmy: all right, okay. anyway. i got to vamoose. carol channing is about to sing. >> jimmy: what, carol channing? >> yeah, she really puts the hell in hello dolly. >> jimmy: i bet she does. i won't keep you. thank you so much for joining us, fred, mr. fred trump, everybody. >> wait, wait, jimmy, i'm actually thinking of changing my last name. >> jimmy: what? >> i don't love the association anymore. how does fred cosby sound? [ audience moaning ] >> jimmy: sounds great. take care, mr. cosby. >> i've been watching you, jimbo, see you down here real

soon. >> jimmy: oh, great, all right. fred trump cosby. [ cheers and applause ] when we come back, our halftime tribute to trump concludes with a very special performance from aloe blacc, so please join us. [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: "jimmy kimmel live," intermission accomplished, a halftime tribute to trump, is brought to you by teeth. teeth, we come in all shapes and sizes, like blinding white, pointy, even golden brown. teeth, the bones of the mouth. from the people who brought you nails.

>> jimmy: welcome back. it's been quite a night. we have something very special before we sign off. it is one thing to say we're great again, it is another thing entirely to sing it. here now to wrap this tribute up with our new national anthem, please welcome grammy nominee aloe blacc! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ it's donald trump's america in

the u-s-fn' a where eagles fly in your apple pie ♪ ♪ on independence day where the children all say "christmas" and the men don't take a knee ♪ ♪ and the women let you grab 'em by the word that starts with "p" great again yeah ♪ ♪ we're great again we'll vanquish all our enemies like france and cnn great again ♪ ♪ don't make me say it again so suck it other countries 'cause we're great again when we needed a hero ♪ ♪ one man would heed the call with two yuge hands to lift us up and something else ♪ ♪ that isn't small two thumbs that tweet out justice ♪ ♪ hair like freedom's flame a

very stable genius and donald trump's his name he's bringing us together ♪ ♪ united we must stand as long as you're a straight white christian fox news watching man ♪ ♪ so all you liberal snowflakes listen hard and listen good it's morning in america ♪ ♪ and trump's got morning wood great again we're making it ♪ ♪ great again we'll build a wall of solid gold to keep our greatness in ♪ ♪ great again like 1858 again donald trump's america has made us great again ♪ ♪

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, wow. you see that, guillermo? i told you that something was great. thank you, aloe blacc. aloe blacc, everybody! that's our show. i want to thank all our wonderful celebrity guests tonight and also our noncelebrity guests. what an incredible program. apologies to matt damon. congratulations, mr. president, here's to another long and calamitous two years. thanks for the memories. good night, america! ♪ ♪

this is "nightline." >> the most infamous unsolved serial killing spree in wichita history. >> he is one of america's most notorious serial killers. >> he calls himself the btk strangler and promises to kill again. >> btk stood for "bind, torture, kill." that was his m.o. >> as dennis rader serves a 175-year prison sentence for 10 murders, his daughter's opening up for the first time in television interview about being raised by a hidden monster who was living in plain sight. kerry rossen opening up to abc's deborah roberts about the moment she found out who her father really was. >> you real