>> for all of us, thanks for being here. "jimmy kimmel live," lady gaga. don't forget to spri >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- oscar winner, lady gaga, adam carolla, and music from maná. and now, all right, jimmy kimmel! ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: very nice. welcome, everyone. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching, thanks for coming. if you're joining us, i know a lot of you are here from like out of town and you're probably not watching tv, but today was a very dramatic day for the government of the united states.

the president's former lawyer and fixer, cohen testified before the house oversight committee. you just like the oversight committee? michael cohen had a statement that mentioned both the hall holocaust and a porn star. he called his former boss a racist, con man and cheat. but he worked with him because he said it was intoxicating, not like wine but cocktails with cosby kind of thing. cohen also officially identified the person in his plea deal as individual one. >> last fall i pled guilty in federal court to felonies at the direction of and in coordination

with individual number one. and for the record, individual number one is president donald j. trump. >> well, you know, the thing is, he hears number one, he can't help but get excited. the republicans were relentless in their blind defense of the president. their strategy seemed to be we don't believe this liar. we believe the other liar, okay? as if being a liar wasn't the main reason trump hired michael cohen. the job interview went something like this. will you lie for me, michael? yes, mr. president. welcome aboard. but i have to say, seriously, and this is -- [ applause ] i watched the whole thing. it is disturbing to me that these republicans in the house. not all of them, one of them, named justin amash from michigan seemed to be reasonable.

almost none of their questions were about donald trump. if i was president and was accused of something i didn't do i would want a full investigation, i would want them to ask real questions. instead, they had this image of trump raging around in his underpants. it was quite a show of outrage and bluster. i haven't seen acting like this since "jingle all the way." >> how can we believe anything you say? the answer is we can't. >> you lie on your taxes. you lie to banks and have been convicted of lying to congress. >> i've represented many several thousand men and you remind me many of them. >> he's going to prison for lying to congress. >> it's a shameful mockery.

>> there's not much that you won't lie about. >> was it exhausting, keeping track of all the lies you were telling these people. >> tax evader and all around liar. >> liar, liar, pants on fire. >> jimmy: this guy was so loyal to donald trump he took out a loan on his house to pay off a porn star he didn't even get to have sex with. imagine refinancing your mortgage so your boss can sexually disappoint someone for two minutes at a golf tournament, okay? only the best people. [ applause ] so michael cohen dropped a number of bombshells and few mcnuggets. he said the president is currently under investigation for crimes we don't know about yet. he says as far as he knows, there's no russian hooker tape, no tape of donald hitting

melania in an elevator. he fears if trump loses in 2020 there may not be a peaceful transfer of power, the president may hide in the lincoln bedroom under a bucket of chicken? will someone get this guy e-mail and teach him to text? during the campaign he listened in on roger phone on speakerphone talking about wikileaks, which is bigly, because trump told the "new york times" he never talked to stone about wikileaks. and the claim that he wasn't personally involved in covering his relationship with stormy daniels, he brought a copy of the check from donald trump. >> i am bringing a copy of a $35,000 check that donald trump personally signed from his personal bank account on august 1st, 2017, when he was president

of the united states, pursuant to the coverup, which was the basis of my guilty plea to reimburse me. the word used by mr. trump's tv lawyer, for the illegal hush money i paid on his behalf. >> and by the way, look at that signature again. he signs his name like, it's like he's trying to scrape stucco off the side of a house or something. but, if that check was hush money reimbursement, it's proof of a very serious campaign finance violation. not only did he ask cohen to cover his bad deeds but his bad grades. >> i'm talking about a man who declares himself brilliant but directed me to threaten his high school, his colleges and the college board to never release his grades or s.a.t. scoring. >> jimmy: don't anyone panic, but he's talk about the guy

negotiating a nuclear arms agreement right now. our president is a 72-year-old man. [ applause ] who still worries about his s.a.t. scores. don jr., djtj got a shout out. >> his son don jr. had the worst judgment of anyone in the world. >> jimmy: so, you see there are >> jimmy: so, you see there are things we can agree on, on both sides of the aisle. this is courtesy of jim jordan. this guy's head is so far up donald trump's ass. it's a miracle his hair plugs weren't pulled out. he brought out a twitter account called women for cohen. >> you created the fake twitter account, women for cohen and paid for them to post tweets like this one.

in a world of lies, deception and fraud we appreciate this honest guy @michael cohen, #tgif. #handsome, #sexy. was that done to protect the president? >> i didn't actually set that up. it was done by a young lady that worked for red finch, and during the course of the campaign, which you would know, it's somewhat crazy and wild. we were having fun. &-p having fun. >> jimmy: we're just crazy and wild people, i don't now. guillermo, go start a twitter account. make sure you use #sexy and #tgif. congratulations are also in order for the chairman of the oversight committee, elijah cummings for providing us with the joke of the day. >> every one of us in this room has a duty.

>> jimmy: well, those things do go on for a while. [ applause ] this is interesting. michael cohen said back in 2013 there was an art auction at which the president directed him to use money from the trump foundation, their charity, to secretly pay a bidder at the art auction to make sure his portrait, that portrait of donald trump, there were a bunch being sold, trump wanted to make sure his got the highest price of all of them. and then, after he secretly bought his own portrait with money from the charity, he tweeted, just found out that at a charity auction of celebrity portraits in east hampton, my portrait by artist william lt . beusyopaid t 6. he lieson.

[ applause ] who cares? who cares which portrait at an art auction in east hampton sold for the most? it's not like he painted it in some sort of competition with some other -- cohen also went after trump's achilles heel, the terrible bone spurs that prevented him from serving no doubt bravely in vietnam. >> mr. trump claimed it was because of a bone spur. but when i asked for medical records he gave me none and said there was no surgery. he told me not to answer the specific questions by reporters but rather offer simply the fact that he received a medical deferment. he finished the conversation with the following comment. you think i'm stupid? i'm not going to vietnam.and i president, that you are in vietnam right now. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: i wish i could have been in vietnam to watch that with him. the president is in vietnam. he's having a summit with kim

jong un, and you can see there they are. the world's two most famous victims of super cuts. nervous. kim jong un looks nervous. [ applause ] kim jong un looks like he showed up for a tinder date and the guy doesn't look anything like thinks profile picture. so trump and kim jong un had a private chat for about 30 minutes, a four-course dinner and an exceptionally awkward handshake. look at this, watch this here. here, ah, there we go. that's right. he calls that one the slice. the president did take a break from the summit to tweet and retweet, michael cohen was one of many lawyers who represented me unfortunately. i had other clients. he had two other clients, one of them sean hannity. he was just barred by the state supreme court. he did bad things unrelated to trump. he is lying to reduce prison

time, using crooked's lawyer. what a sad thing this is to see. long before donald trump had this relationship with kim jong un, michael cohen was his guy. so we thought it might be fitting to take a look back at the friendship that was. >> i'm obviously very loyal and dedicated to mr. trump. i think he's going to be not just a good president. i think he's going to be a great president. >> michael cohen is a very talented lawyer. >> he's a man of great intellect, great intuition and great abilities. >> they broke into the office of one of my personal attorneys, good man. >> i've never come across a situation where mr. trump has said something that's not accurate. >> there are, seriously? >> yes, seriously. >> breaking news, michael cohen will testify to the senate. >> i understood michael cohen very well. turned out he wasn't a very good lawyer, frankly. >> i'm done being loyal to

president trump. >> and he's a weak person. >> since taking office, he has become the worse version of himself. >> michael cohen is lying, and he's trying to get a reduced sentence for things that have nothing to do with me. >> [ bleep ]. >> you do not want to [ bleep ] with me! >> look at this! donald trump, donald trump, donald trump, oh, my god! >> jimmy: those two can't make it. we have a great show for you tonight. are you excited about the show? >> yeah, very excited. >> jimmy: tonight on the show, music from maná, adam carolla is here, and we'll be right back with lady gaga. so stick around! [cheers and applause] ♪

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>> jimmy: hello, and welcome back. tonight, he has a brand new stand-up comedy special, his first called "not taco bell material," adam carolla is here. then, tickets for their "reynaldo el sol" tour go on sale friday. maná from the mercedes-benz stage. tomorrow night, our gets include ellen pompeo. so please join us for that. this sunday night, millions of women around the world became furious with their partners for

never looking at them the way bradley cooper looked at our first guest during their show-stopping musical performance. she is a brand-new oscar winner for her work in the movie "a star is born" which returns to theaters for one week only starting friday. please say hello to lady gaga. [cheers and applause] ♪ >> jimmy: good to see you. you look beautiful. [cheers and applause] i'm so happy that you're here. >> i'm so happy to be here. >> jimmy: thank you for coming. it's -- >> actually, before we even get started, i just wanted to say a you made a donation to my mom and i's foundation, the born this way foundation. >> jimmy: born this way. >> thank you so much.

it's for empowering youth to build a kinder and braver world. and thank you so much. >> jimmy: thank you for doing it, of course. that's nice of you to say. what do you have in the bag there? what's going on? you brought your luggage? >> i brought, well, you know, i'm security. so, you know, it's been a, quite a week, so [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: oh, yeah. that's pretty good. >> i don't know why you gave me these. but they were back stage, but apparently, oscar has some undies. >> jimmy: yeah, you got to put those on oscar. that.: you'reigt oy. let what they dy gaga. write stephanie on tre or lady do you get to decide what they

put on there? >> no. you get one, and this is what it is. and i'm just happy that there's a name on there at all. >> jimmy: what have you been doing since, what has happened since sunday night? >> you know, it's just been incredible. i swear, when we won, it was like my whole artistic journey flashed before my eyes and i saw myself sitting on my stoop of my studio apartment in new york city on the concrete with my keyboard next to me, trying to figure out how i was going to lug my keyboard again up my walkup. it's incredible. this was hard work. >> jimmy: yeah, sure. >> i said it in my speech, and i'll say it again. if you work hard and don't give up, you can do anything. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: i can tell, i know you put a lot of work into everything you do. and that performance that you and bradley gave.

that was really one of the grea ca. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it was like, we were watching it at home, we were like, oh, my, what's going on between these two. did you feel like, well, i know it caused this big controversy because it was such a, you had such a connection with bradley that instantly, and i guess this is a compliment, people started saying oh, they must be in love. >> yeah. okay. first of all, like, like social media, quite frankly, is the toilet of the internet. >> jimmy: yes, it is. >> and what it has done to pop culture is just abysmal. and yes. people saw love, and guess what, that's what we wanted you to see. >> jimmy: yes. "shallow." th wed so h we worked all week on that performance, bradley, who, i

like never relinquish control about a live performance. i've done about a million of them. he directed this film and the musical moments in the film and obviously "shallow", the moment in the film. so i knew he had the vision for how it should go. i was like, what do you think, bradley? and he laid it all out. everything that you saw, the way it was shot, the way they pushed the piano out, you saw them put the piano together and -- >> jimmy: no intro. >> all of that, that was all him. he even also was the one that was like, i think the audience should be lit, so that we're not just lit, the audience is lit. so then i called roy bennett who i work with, we need to light the entire room with amber lights because bradley wants honeycomb, and we got to give him what he wants.

it was just great. and from a performance perspective, it was so important to all of us that we were connected the entire time. look, i've had my arms wrapped around tony bennett for three years touring the world. when you sing love songs, that's what you want people to feel. >> jimmy: are you having an affair with tony bennett? be honest. >> no, no. i'm an artist, and i guess we did a good job. and, fooled ya! >> jimmy: yeah, you did a good job. bradley did a great job. it's one thing to go on stage and sing on the oscars, that's terrifying to start. but then to sing with you and be trading lines with you in a movie, you can pick and choose, but on live television, was he terrified? >> no. >> jimmy: no. >> because we practiced and worked hard. bradley's a musician.

my favorite thing about the whole experience was i was just so excited for people not only at home but our peers in the room to see him sing live and know -- >> jimmy: to see that he can sing live. >> that he sang every take in this movie live every single time. all of it. there's no lip synch. and i was so excited, and i was in the moment. but, you know, when we started and he started singing "tell me something girl", the whole audience was cheering, and i was like, yes, bradley, keep going, we've got this. >> jimmy: if you were acting, you could have that same connection with me if we singing that song? [cheers and applause] >> yeah. >> jimmy: tell me something, girl. are you lonely in this great big world. >> that's not the words. >> jimmy: something like that, though, right? >> that's close. >> jimmy: yeah, i guess not. i know bradley, it's hard. i fall in love with him when i look at him. it's hard not to look in those

eyes and get lost. >> i don't feel like i won. i feel like we won. >> jimmy: i'm going to get a sharpie and write his name on there. lady gaga is here. a star is born is in theaters. we'll be right back. >> dnsf kimmel live are brought to you by the all new samsung 10 10 to speed through everything... in the blink of an eye. hertz fast lane powered by clear... in select airports 2019. hertz. we're here to get you there. marvel studios' captain marvel. in theaters march 8th.

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♪ rain falls down ♪ and i'll catch every drop this time around ♪ >> jimmy: that is lady gaga and bradley cooper in "a star is born." which that is, that was not in the version of the movie that i saw. that is additional, you've add some footage to this new version. >> i didn't add it, bradley add it. it's 12 minutes of additional footage, a "star is born" encore. he was working on the version you see when you buy it at home. >> jimmy: have you seen it at the movies? >> yeah. >> jimmy: with real, paying customers? >> yeah. >> jimmy: sometimes you see it at big theaters. >> i'm squatted in the back with popcorn hiding. and the end of the movie is so sad that i can't take it.

so i'm crying with my popcorn. >> jimmy: is there a new ending with the 12 additional minutes? they move to the valley and adopt a few kids? >> you have to go see it. it's only out for one week. >> jimmy: is this speech something you ever imagined yourself giving at the academy awards? >> i had a job since i was like 14 years old, because i wanted more money than my allowance, and, yeah. >> jimmy: what were you getting from your parents at that time, do you remember? >> like $20, which is considerable. >> jimmy: a week? >> a week. in new york, it's like five grand, i was 14. you have to save it all until friday. you can't take a taxi. that $20 was my friday night. it wasn't usable. i got a job, and i was a

hostess, and my mom and dad would go to the bar with their friends who were artists, and i would be standing there with nothing to do, and i'd go, i'd like to thank the academy for this tremendous honor, i've wanted to be an actress my whole life. i would practice my acceptance speech and everyone at the bar would howl with laughter. like, that's never going to happen. >> jimmy: oh, really. i hope they were watching your acceptance speech, by the way, not that you don't have -- you've won a lot of awards, all deservedly so, but we have something for you. guillermo, bring this in. this is to celebrate the fact that your album has gone platinum. [cheers and applause] >> thank you. >> jimmy: and not only.

>> oh, my goodness. this was your idea? >> jimmy: guillermo is going to go to your home and hang it on the wall for you. >> more security, that's all i need. >> jimmy: it is wonderful to have you hire. thank you so much for coming. congratulations on, the movie is great, it's called "a star is born" returns to theaters friday for one week only. lady gaga, everybody. we'll be back with adam carolla. ♪ n the way? embrace the chance of 100% clear skin with taltz, the first and only treatment of its kind offering people with moderate to severe psoriasis a chance at 100% clear skin. with taltz, up to 90% of people quickly saw a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. don't use if you're allergic to taltz. fore starting, you should be checked for tuberculosis. taltz may increase risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. tell your doctor if you have an infection, symptoms,

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>> jimmy: welcome back, still to come, music from mana. our next guest is a world record-setting podcaster and humble eyebrow-farmer with his first stand-up comedy special "not taco bell material" is available now on itunes and chassy.com and everywhere starting march 5th. please welcome adam carolla. ♪ [cheers and applause]

>> jimmy: you know, every time you come, you bring that dumb towel, and it makes me laugh, but the audience has no idea what's going on. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how you doin'? >> i'm doing well. >> jimmy: is it true you were having an affair with bradley cooper? >> i've had an impacted assful of that no-talent. come on, flash in the pan. on a year from now, he's going to be selling wonder mops on the qvc. his days are numbered. yeah? >> jimmy: yeah. that doesn't seem likely. how are you doing? >> i'm doing well. >> jimmy: did you watch the michael cohen stuff today? >> no, i don't have time for real news. i'm focussed on jeff bezos. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yes! >> jimmy: why are you focussed on that? >> because i'm obsessed, i'm upset with [ bleep ]. i don't know why people do that. there must be something

spectacular about his penis. you've seen my penis. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> there's nothing wrong with it. no one ever said let's go down to the mall and put it on santa's lap. not in a weird way. we don't need a picture of it. >> jimmy: i agree with you, though, i think there must be something special about it. >> there has to be, like my penis, be like, think of a beige toyota camry with a cloth interior. would you ever go oh, hold on, we got to get a shot of that. it's reliable transportation. good for them. if my penis was a character on a sitcom. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> it would be potsy from "happy days". he's fine. we're not going to spin him off and give him his own show. >> jimmy: i would think ralph. >> ralph mouth? >> jimmy: all i asked is if you

watched michael cohen today, and somehow we, yeah. >> anyway, nothing to see here. that's what i'm saying. no reason to take a picture. >> jimmy: speaking of the human penis, if you will. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i think i'll just pause here for a long time. no, speaking of it, in your special, which is very, very funny. >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: not taco bell material. and i want you to explain that in a minute. but you, i wouldn't say it was an attack on me, how would you describe it? >> it was a peek behind the curtain of your psyche. a little glimpse into how you're wired. jimmy likes a spirited argument, even when he's wrong most of the time. >> jimmy: google has ruined that for me, by the way, ruined it. >> we used to live up on the same hill together, and i was going down the hill driving to

the airport one day and there was a giant penis graffitied, spray painted onto the big blue mailbox at the bottom of the hill at barham, and i said to my wife, take a picture of the penis on the mailbox, and she said no. and i said just do it. and she said why, and i said take a picture of the penis on the mailbox. and she said what kind of scrapbooking are you into? and i said just take it. so we took a picture of the penis on the mailbox. and i was at your house the next sunday watching football and i said jimmy, did you go down and see the picture of the penis on the mailbox? and he said no. in europe, when they graffiti a aioxdo they leave it uncut? and jimmy didn't even inhale. he went absolutely not. they draw them the same way. and i was, like, wait a minute.

[ applause ] first off, who died you and made you the foremost expert in european penis graffiti or did you just take the world's worst bike tour to europe, and he said no, they draw them exactly the same. and i said how do you know this? and he said because they do not draw limp penises. they only draw erect penises, and when it comes erect, the foreskin draws back and therefore they draw them the same way we do. you seem you're reading off a teleprompter. >> jimmy: when i was 18 years old, i went to italy on a trip and was delighted to find that someone drew a huge penis on the wall and it looked just like one of our american penises. and i've always had that in my mind. oh, wow, we really are the same no matter where you go.

>> that's probably how we beat them in world war ii. >> jimmy: you moved from that house. i also want to point out that when you did buy that house right down the block from my house you did not tell me you'd bought the house until a month after you'd bought the house, even though i saw you all the time. but you move from house to house. are you selling a house right now? >> i'm always selling a house and moving into a house. >> jimmy: you've done something interesting. the idea is to raise the property value of your neighborhood, yes? >> well, yeah, okay. i had this happen, like my family's super lazy, right? >> jimmy: right. >> and nobody speaks a second language, and nobody plays an instrument. and we're just kind of hillbillies living in a rich neighborhood, you know? >> jimmy: okay. >> we've got a cement pond and granny rides up on the flatbed truck and whatnot. so i was walking by one of my neighbor's houses and i saw a car parked in front of their house and there was a big magnetic sign on the car door and it said piano, professional

piano tuning and my mind ran in a million different directions. that guy's probably sitting at a stein way right now like dudley moore at a cocktail party taking requests. that guy's smarter than we are and knows how to play the piano. i don't want to learn thousand how to play the piano. but i had a sign made up, i'll put it on my nanny's car, you're parked out in front of the house, and that way people think i'm getting my steinway tuned up. >> jimmy: and lest you think this is a joke. this is on some car out in front of your house at all times. >> i had to transfer it, because my 12 year old daughter is like i don't want to drive in the nanny's car with the piano tuner thing, and i said fine, i'll put it on my car. people will think i'm a winner. i went to a mexican food place

on friday night. dropped my wife off and said go in, get our name in or whatever, and i park the car. there's this elderly couple walking out of the restaurant. and she said do you have a card? and i said for what? she's like, a card? do you carry a card? i'm like, what kind of card, sweetheart? and she's like, i want to get my piano tuned. no, i mean, no. i don't have time for this. >> jimmy: you easily could have showed up and gotten a check. >> i could have gouged the elderly. >> jimmy: tell everyone why it's called not taco bell material. >> when i was in high school in the tenth grade i applied at the taco bell by my house, and they rejected my application. so. yeah. >> jimmy: well, you've done well for yourself. i think you could get a job at

almost any taco bell now. >> yeah. >> jimmy: adam carolla! "not taco bell material" is available for pre-sale on itunes and chassy.com. it will be released everywhere digitally march 5th. and we'll return with music from maná. ♪ >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes benz. the best or nothing. ing. ed gets copays as lowlily go to as zero dollars on medicare part d prescriptions. ed gets labels clear as day. and, lily.... lily gets anything she wants.

ed knows he could just have us deliver his prescriptions. but what's the fun in that? switch to cvs pharmacy. alwould you like a desk chair, weekends off, or the bathroom code? yes, please! which one? it's time to get more. lower fares. better service. sweeter rewards. alaska airlines.

>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes benz, the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i want to thank lady gaga and adam carolla, apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next but first, their tour goes on sale friday. here is mana! ♪ [ singing in foreign language ] ♪

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this is "nightline." tonight, lovesick doc. a twisted love triangle, texas pathologist brutally murdered. his girlfriend speaking out. as her ex-boyfriend, a plastic surgeon is accused of hiring his killer many the victim's family trying to keep his memory alive. >> it's a challenge to make sure that my son knows what kind> ue rippon going on the road with the fab five of queer eye. one makeover at a time. >> so my question is, can you show me how to