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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  August 14, 2019 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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>> i'm ama daetz. from all of us, thanks for joining us. "jimmy kimmel live," tim gaffigan. >> see you tomorrow. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- jim gaffigan, dave salmoni, and animals, guillermo, live in dildo, and music from snoop dogg. and now for the most part, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the though. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. it's all happening. we have a terrifying show for you tonight. the double d-o-g, snoop dogg is with us tonight. [cheers and applause] from the world of hip-hop and drugs. snoop likes to stop by a few
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times a year to check out the smoke alarm in the greenroom. also, jim gaffigan and dave salmony is here. he brought a menagerie of creatures, including a striped skunk. i think it's a skunk, either that, or i'm smelling snoop's dressing room. he also brought what is called a great alligator turtle. i googled it. it should be fighting mothra in japan. there's dave right there. hey, dave, what's this animal? >> this is a finnic fox whose name is bob. >> jimmy: bob the fox. does he know how many instagram likes he could get? >> anything cute like this, he
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gets lots of likes. >> jimmy: that's dave salmony. you know, president trump took a field trip to bask in the glow of workers at a petrochemicals plant. he was there to talk energy. and of course immediately steered the conversation from energy to himself. and we make a lot of jokes about this president, but it's important to remember just how much he's sacrificed for the good of us. >> this thing is costing me a fortune being president. somebody said oh, he might have rented a room to a man from saudi arabia for $500. what about the $5 billion that i'll lose? you know, it's probably going to cost me, including upside, down side lawyers, because every day they sue me for something. these are the most
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people. i just want to do a good job. >> jimmy: all he cares about is others. he doesn't care about money. he hasn't ordered the treasure to print his face on it yet. his house looks like liberace's sarcophagus. we slowed him down for the international trade edition of drunk donald trump. ♪ >> in china, do us a favor. we need help. all our steel mills are closed. oh, damn it. could you send us some steel please? we don't make steel anymore. ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: in other world news, if you've been watching our show over the last couple weeks, you know i'm running for mayor of a
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small town in newfoundland. it's a town called dill ddo, d-i-l-d-o. i have a strong sense of civic duty and a sense of humor of a 9-year-old. but we've been spreading the world. we've set an all-time record for most times the word dildo has been said on television. >> everybody's talking about dildo right now. >> he has discovered dildo. >> jimmy loves dildo. >> the whole thing has resulted in a flood of tourists to the town, all curious to see what dildo is all about. >> dildo is planning to resip kate. >> we are here to celebrate dildo days. >> jimmy: fun word, fun town. as of now, i'm ahead in the
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polls. i don't actually have an opponent, i'm running unopposed, so i thought. things were going pretty swimmingly until this bit of unpleasantness popped up. >> now another hollywood star may be vying for the mayoral office. >> we were surprised. we thought jimmy kimmel was a shoe in. and now, look, he's got competition. >> who would you rather see run in dildo? jimmy kimmel or jason bourne? >> jimmy kimmel is great, he's comedian, which we all love, but matt damon. >> it's where it's at. >> so big decisions here. >> jimmy: no, there are no big dw decisions here. you can't have a dildo running dildo. it's like a horse riding a horse. it's impossible. how dare they bring him into this. i thought canadians were
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supposed to be nice. i bet that's an american that snuck in with the black hat. let's go live to the dildo brewing company where our very own guillermo del dildo is standing by. [cheers and applause] you think matt damon has a crowd like that going on? what are you up to there in dildo? >> we were listen to music, and then we got drunk. >> jimmy: that sounds like a fun night. have you heard this, have you seen this guy with the matt damon stuff out in the town? >> fortunately, i did, but i already took care of them, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh, you did. what did you do? what did you do to take care of them? >> i sent them to the next town. >> jimmy: oh, you did. i see so many of our loyal supporters. dennis, karen, nug, captain dildo, the reed family, john, dean and leslie, providing music
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for the event tonight. and you're in the brewing company, right, guys? [cheers and applause] what are you drinking there, guillermo? >> oh, i drinking the jimmy kim-ale. >> jimmy: i like that. >> i like it, too. jimmy kim-ale. >> jimmy: sounds like you guys have been drinking all day. >> non-stopping here. >> jimmy: you deserve it, guillermo. guillermo's been canvassing the town, going door to door making the final push. and let's take a look at some video to see the important work guillermo's been doing in ♪ >> what is going to take to get jimmy's vote for mayor of dildo.
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>> i think jimmy's going to have to come up here if he wants my vote. >> what about if he gives everybody health care. >> we already have health care. >> oh, you see he did it. he's fast. hi, how are you? what do you say? oh. hi, sir, how are you? >> not bad. >> are you going to vote for jimmy kimmel? >> of course. who isn't? >> oh, great, great. you're my type of lady. come over ♪ >> welcome. well. >> hello? >> hi, guys. hi, family. let me go see if you have something to drink? where's the liquor cabinet? >> right up above. >> do you have any tequila? >> i don't have any tequila. >> do you watch jimmy kimmel
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live show? >> oh, i just said to my husband, i think he has something for his age. >> for his age. what do you mean? >> for his age. i think he's handsome for that age. >> mr. dog, what does jimmy needs to do to win your vote? >> he needs to bring me more treats and bones. >> i was doing his voice. >> where we going next, guys? where we going next? jimmy for dildo! >> jimmy for dildo! >> jimmy for jimmy. i'm campaigning for jimmy kimmel to be mayor of dildo. >> i think jimmy is a fine guy. >> do you work in blockbuster? >> no. >> how come you wear this? >> i picked it up one time. >> do you guys have "titanic."
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oh, my gosh, this is perfect. don't kill me, all right? can i put this in your lawn? is that okay? >> sure, yes. >> i meet you last night? >> no, not that i can remember, no. ♪ >> huh? >> no. >> you don't remember last night i met you? >> no. >> all right, okay. all right. whatever, i think you were drunk. ♪ oh, d stands for our dignity ♪ our name will never change ♪ and i stands for the innocent child who should never feel ashamed ♪ ♪ l we fought for liberty ♪ and d for days of old ♪ while it spells out that loving town that we all call home ♪ my: great work, guillermo. appreciate it. so tomorrow is the big night.
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tomorrow the committee for the local service district of dildo will vote on whether or not i will become the first-ever mayor of dildo. so i think, like five of the seven committee members there, correct? and where's andrew? andrew, you are on the committee as well? >> yes. >> jimmy: yes, so andrew, introduce the members of the committee. who do you have there? >> we have lisa. >> jimmy: hi, lisa. hey, now. >> lisa, or lacy reid. re >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and dean reid. >> jimmy: how does it work? does it have to be unanimous or does mamajorijority rule? >> we rule by majority. >> jimmy: so i have to get four of you guys to vote for me. >> yes. >> jimmy: let me just say two things before you vote. i believe in building a better
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dildo for everyone. and i believe in buying a round of drinks for everyone in the bar. [cheers and applause] and, by the way, if i'm mayor, there's more drinks to come. [cheers and applause] thanks, everyone. i'll see you all tomorrow for the big vote. oh, there's song, too. it's a hit already. by the way, these dildodians as they are called. they really are, have come to los angeles. the local ntv news took one of their young women, amanda muse, all the way to hollywood to track us down. >> jimmy kimmel has been on this all week, he has people on the ground in dildo, and we have our sign here. so we are the sister city. the town of dildo is the sister city of hollywood. >> jimmy: well, thanks, amanda. our sister city is dildo. since the day i announced my
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candidacy, the media, especially canadian media has been bombarding me with interview requests. i need to knock them all out. i'm having a press conference, it's scheduled to start. excuse me if would you for just one second. i need to get up there. yeah. bear with me for one moment, if you would. get this taken care of. okay. ah, well, all right, thank you all for being here. as you know, i'm running for mayor of dildo. i know you have questions, and well, let's start with amanda muse in the back there, amanda? >> so why should the people of dildo vote for you? >> jimmy: well, as far as i know, there's no one else running, so, you know, who else are they going to vote for? next question. amanda? yeah. >> are you willing to participate in a screech-in ceremony to be an honorary newfoundlander? >> jimmy: it would be my
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pleasure to be screeched in and not only will i kiss the cod, i will give it tongue. the next question will be for, yes, amanda. >> as the head of dildo, how will you ensure smooth passage forward for your constituents. >> jimmy: it's a very dirty question. do your parents know you're doing this for a job? one more question, and, amanda? >> what is your position oni on unincorporated communities? >> jimmy: my position is straight missionary. the old-fashioned way? yours? >> jimmy, we're not all that close. >> jimmy: you can read all my positions in the op ed i wrote for the "daily dildo". i want to thank everyone for coming. long live dildo. tonight on the show, music from snoop dogg, dave salmoni is here with animals, and we'll be right back with jim gaffigan. so stick around. [ cheers and applause ]
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abc's jimmy kimmel live, brought to you by progressive. you're covered. (dramatic music) and you're saving money, because you bundled home and auto. sarah, get in the house. we're all here for you. all: all day, all night. (dramatic music) great job speaking calmly and clearly everyone. that's how you put a customer at ease. hey, did anyone else hear weird voices while they were in the corn? no. no. me either. whispering voice: jamie. what? it runs on doritos. want to tr[dog barks]me machine? okay. yes! [humming, thumping] this is the greatest moment of my life! get out of my yard! [birds chirping] jimmy? you're so old. [crunch!]
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♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: tonight, a man who has probably the world's most dangerous emotional support animals. from animal planet, dave salmoni is here with an alligator, a snapping turtle, a baby toucan, an owl, a skunk, i don't know what the hell he's got, but we'll see them. and one of them, we will eat then, his album comes out friday. it's called, "i wanna thank me." snoop dogg from the mercedes-benz outdoor stage. tomorrow night, gerard butler, david alan grier, and music from the avett brothers. so join us then. our first guest tonight is a very funny man who is a prolific
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creator of both comedy specials and people. his seventh special is called "quality time." it's available starting friday on amazon prime. please welcome jim gaffigan. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> so nice. >> jimmy: how have you been? >> i'm good. >> jimmy: how has your summer gone so far? >> it was too much time with my family. way too much time. i took my kids to europe. >> jimmy: uh-huh. nice. >> and i tried to get rid of them. i took my kids to europe, which is quite possibly the most expensive thing you could do in the world. >> jimmy: of course. you've got a lot of kids, right? >> i've got a lot of kids. five. >> jimmy: five kids. >> most people are like why?
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>> jimmy: how many rooms do you have to get with five kids? >> we have to get a couple rooms, and then we have to get a room just for the ipads. where is going to be the charging station? it's very important. >> jimmy: yeah, and then going to europe, you've got to convert. >> there's got to be the converter. it's very dramatic. but it's exciting. >> jimmy: were you working, were you on a comedy tour. where did you go? what countries? >> i did two shows in ireland. and two in spain. and prague and budapest. and it was, it was amazing, cause, you know, it's just a different experience. in ireland, i love ireland, but it was like 68 degrees, and they were complaining with the heat. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> oh, it's so hot. so hot. do you want a fan for your room? and i'm like, i'm wearing a sweater. i think i'm okay. but i loved it, and, you know,
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spain, which was unbelievable. that's where i'm from, originally. and, no, spain, which of course is, you know, they call it espania. it it's weird we call somebody else's country a different name. i'm from espania, spain, huh? it's called espania. i like spain better. hi, my name is bob. i think you're more of a sam. >> jimmy: in america, do you find that you're being greeted warmly by people in other countries? >> i internationally.
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and it's different with trump as president. it's kind of like having a parent who's an alcoholic. you show up in a country, and you're like, sorry about my dad. we don't know what we're going to do about it, but trying to get the phone from him, but, we don't know. >> jimmy: this is, these are some photographs of -- >> yes. >> jimmy: tell us what's happening. >> this is the very first trip i went on, and this is me. that's not me. that's my dad. this is me at i look at pictures of me as a child, and i might as well be looking at a stranger. i have no memory. i don't know what was going on, i was obviously, they couldn't afford sunglasses for me. >> jimmy: something was wrong. this is a good one, too. >> this is me and my brother joe. again, i'm in a hat. it's almost as if i was trying
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to dress dorkily. do i have suspenders on? >> jimmy: it's like looking at a picture of a stranger and yet you look exactly as you did. other than the glasses, you are your own little twin. >> i'm beautiful. i guess you could say in a way, i'm beautiful. >> jimmy: and what's this arrow here by your brother's face? >> that is a screen grab i suppose. >> jimmy: oh. [ laughter ] everything top-notch here. >> what is this thing. that's a screen grab. >> jimmy: how many siblings do you have? >> i have three brothers and two sisters. so i'm from a big family. you're from a big family, right? >> jimmy: not that big, my brother and sister. >> my wife's one of nine kids, and i love my in-laws. does that sound unbelievable? i do love them, it's just there's so many of them. and so every holiday, there's nine. so every holiday or get
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together, all eight of the siblings, including my wife and their family, get together and spend every moment together over christmas. i went to a movie with 30 people. i didn't even know that was legal. we're walking around, people thought we were from a church. i mean, to put it in perspective, jesus only walked around with 12. i learned very quickly, i don't want to do anything with 30 people, you know, like even if i was on the titanic and the last rescue boat was filled with 30 people, i'd be like, you guys go ahead. i don't want to be there when you are trying to decide where to eat lunch. and often there is more than 30 people. because sometimes those 30 people invite other people and i'll have conversations like i'm your wife's uncle's best friend. oh, there's a term for that. stranger. you're a total stranger. >> jimmy: do you get anytime for yourself with the kids and the
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in-laws and all this stuff? >> i travel, i try to travel as much with my kids as i can, because i don't want to be a live action version of "the cat's in the cradle" song. and there's plenty of times, i'm not traveling with my kids now. when i travel without my children, in between those moments of guilt are just hours of happiness. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> and naps and doing nothing. that's what i like to do is absolutely nothing. and then i call home and just hear the chaos on the other end. and i have to lie to my wife about what i did. she's like what did you do today? i got up. did that, enough about me, what about you? >> jimmy: yeah. take a little nap during the commercial break here. >> i'm going to do>> jim: mgaig us. wel be right back. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by turo - way better than a rental car. download the app or
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where you buy your paper towels are now producing comedy specials. so i mean we all, someone told me that, they asked me, but what if you don't have an amazon prime account? and i was like, well, you probably aren't on the internet, then. >> jimmy: get one is the answer. >> mostly, everyone buys socks and, you know, soap from amazon, so i'm just hoping that people will search up quality time and watch it. >> jimmy: yeah, why wouldn't they watch it. certainly, i mean it's you, and you're selling it on a, now did you make a lot of these? because i feel like not that many people are going to buy this. >> interestingly, that's a good point. but interestingly, lps are getting bigger and bigger. >> jimmy: it seems the same size to me. >> yeah, but it is. >> jimmy: it's gone from like 1200 weirdos who have record players in their homes to 1400. >> now, i think they're competing with cds and eight
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track. they're competing with eight track. >> jimmy: we've got some animals coming out in a moment. >> i know, i'm excited. >> jimmy: where were you here? >> this is in kyoto. >> jimmy: is all of these your kids or is that a monkey. >> that's a monkey. so in kyoto, on a mountain, they have like monkeys that you walk up. i didn't even know that there were monkeys in kyoto, so you walk up this mountain, and there's all these precautionary signs, like don't feed the monkeys. don't look at the monday key. >> jimmy: i have one of those signs right here. >> and then you get up there, and the monkeys are everywhere. so then they're standing next to you, but you've been terrified that they're going to attack you and tear your eyes out. and then they have these different ones, this is what a monkey looks like when it's angry, and this is what it looks like when it's happy, which is the exact same appearance. >> jimmy: look, says scary, and
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somebody's firing these arrows at you again in the picture. >> that's a screen grab, jimmy. >> jimmy: okay, i didn't get that right. would you like to stay for the animals? >> hey, i'm hungry. >> jimmy: jim gaffigan! "jim gaffigan: quality time" is available friday on amazon prime video. we'll be back with dave salmoni and wild animals. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ kids just want to play. so, this is what we say. ♪ so, this is what we say. ♪ bring back the tigers. ♪ your mighty, mighty tigers. [cheering sounds] ♪ bring back the tigers. across the country, schools are having to cut sports. i'm tony the tiger and i'm on a mission to fix that. buy a box and help all kids be tigers. liberty mutual customized my car insurance,fore so i only pay for what i need.
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[cheers and applause] >> jimmy: hi there, snoop dogg is still to come. jim gaffigan is here. our next guest is a expert in all things ferocious and has a new show called, "big, small & deadly." it premieres tuesday night on animal planet. please welcome the canadian tarzan, dave salmoni. [cheers and applause] >> you head over here. thank you, sir. >> jimmy: that is one of the scariest things i've ever seen in my life -- >> this is an alligator snapping turtle. >> open mouth. so in character.
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>> inside his mouth, you see that little pink thing? >> jimmy: yeah. >> it is his tongue, and it's supposed to look like a worm, so when these guys hunt. >> jimmy: other this does look like a worm. so the things think it's a worm? how fast does that thing go by the way? >> it goes very fast. >> so they can't see that the worm is connected to a giant turtle? >> jimmy: animals aren't that fast. >> you can see he's got things growing all over him. something will come by. >> jimmy: jim and i are going to go sit in the audience for a while. >> you want to see how it uses that big mouth? >> jimmy: yeah, i guess. that looks terrible. is it going to take my finger right off? >> why don't you grab a celery stick for me. >> jimmy: jim, you want to grab a celery stick for me? >> no, i'm all right. >> jimmy: he's picky? >> no, it makes a good noise.
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put it right in there. >> jimmy: oh, my god. oh, my god. that's so much faster than i thought it was going to be. he really likes celery, jim. >> grab the carrot this time. >> jimmy: yeah, give him a carrot. >> oh, good boy. don't get your fingers too close. come over here to me, jim. >> i don't want to block a camera. >> right over here by my thigh. can i grab your arm? >> yeah. why do you have to grab my arm? >> because i don't want you to get too close. okay, now give it to him. >> jimmy: oh! whoa! >> why is it so angry? >> it's a snapping turtle. >> jimmy: it's snapping, ooh, it -- >> we weren't criticizing you. >> thank you so much. i'll put that here.
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>> jimmy: wow, that's all muscle that thing. >> come feel the back here. >> jimmy: no. >> way back, there you go. feel how hard. >> jimmy: why did he jump like that? >> he wants to bite you. >> jimmy: he does? >> yeah, if you put your hand anywhere in this wheel house. he'll take a finger, a hand. >> where do they live? >> anywhere in north america. >> jimmy: they live on desks. this is its natural habitat. jimmy, can you pick this up for me? i want to show you how to pick it up. >> do it! do it! do it! do it! do it! do it! >> jimmy: hang on, let me talk to the audience for a second. >> an interesting thing. have a look at the feet. >> why isn't it chewing the food! >> he's a carnivore. he only eats meat. >> why even bite it? is it angry that we tried to
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feed him vegetables or? >> so this guy's adapted. i'm going to tell you cool things about this, i promise. >> jimmy: how heavy is that turtle? >> right now he's about 50 pounds. he can get over 200. one of the ways, they're growing all the time. one of the ways to tell how h l healthy they are is how big they're going to get. they're susceptible to environmental problems. global warming is a threat to these guys. >> jimmy: good. >> he's like a dinosaur. >> jimmy: he's mad. he's angry. hey, guy, i'm trying to help you over here. don't get mad, don't snap at me, okay? >> why don't you grab him some meat. he loves meat. use your tongs. >> jimmy: thank you for bringing
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tongs. you're the only guest who brings tongs. do we need a little mustard or anything? we have a little sauerkraut.aut. >> oh. what would go after it? >> good question. if you felt that big strong thing. he carries it around. at a small size, they have predator problems. but at this age, it's only us humans that cause this guy any problem. >> you say north america, but where? oh. that must have been one of those vegan dogs. >> jimmy: all right, put this thing in wherever it goes. >> get rid of this guy. >> jimmy: thanks again for bringing the, okay. oh, my god, he wants to kill everyone. >> let's get some of this stuff up.
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>> jimmy: oh, we now. here's some purell for you. >> i thought i wasn't going to be terrified. >> we'll get the cuter things going now. oh, look at this guy. >> jimmy: look at this demonic presence. >> harry potter. >> now this is a spectacled owl. >> why do owls look so confused? >> it's just a baby. we want to make sure it has a fun day today and is super calm. so the slower the movements we do. >> he doesn't like hot dogs? >> we're not going to feed this guy. who knows, maybe he likes hot dogs. they are carnivores, they do like to hunt. the spectacled owl. you look nervous. >> jimmy: he looks like he's wearing an owl costume.
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>> interestingly, this guy's feathers are unique. he lives in the warm areas, so his feathers are much different. >> jimmy: if jim had feathers, that's what they would look like. >> that's true. >> if you look, here, sweetheart. those are those big talons. those guys are great hunters. >> jimmy: it's tied to the rope, right? >> he's only a baby, he's just looking around. but this is how he's going to hunt. he's going to go up a big tree and he uses that head. he can turn his head 270 degrees. >> jimmy: what's his name? does he have one? >> um. >> how about jim? >> they all have names. >> jimmy: hey, jim, there's a turtle back there that you may want to snack on. >> don't they have good hearing, too? >> no, vibrations. >> jimmy: you mean owls or turtles? >> owls.
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>> owls can hear. >> is that a bird? >> and their hearing is good enough that they use vocal communication. so they have a really unique noise that they make. we're all used to hearing woo, woo. this has a tweeting bark. >> jimmy: do a little bit of that. >> i'm not sure he'll do it on demand. >> jimmy: dave salmoni is here, we'll be right back. living wit? keep being you. and ask your doctor about biktarvy. biktarvy is a complete one-pill, once-a-day treatment used for hiv in certain adults. it's not a cure, but with one small pill, biktarvy fights hiv with three different medicines to help you get to undetectable. that means the amount of virus is so low it can't be measured in lab tests. serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. rare, life-threatening side effects include a build-up of lactic acid and liver problems.
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it runs on doritos. want to tr[dog barks]me machine? okay. yes! [humming, thumping] this is the greatest moment of my life! get out of my yard! [birds chirping] jimmy? you're so old. [crunch!] with this one little nexgard chew comes the confidence, you're doing what's right, to protect your dog from fleas and ticks for a full month. it's the #1 vet recommended protection. and it's safe for puppies. nexgard. what one little chew can do. (vo) vfundraising. giving back. subaru and our retailers have given over
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one hundred and sixty-five million dollars to charity. we call it our love promise. and it's why you don't even have to own a subaru to love a subaru retailer. subaru. more than a car company. i don't even know why we have to specify it's horseback riding. >> oh, you want to ride a horse? what part. >> oh, yeah. are you? oh, hey jeff, i'm a car thief... what?! i'm here to steal your car because, well, that's my job. what? what?? what?! (laughing) what?? what?! what?! [crash] what?! haha, it happens. and if you've got cut-rate car insurance, paying for this could feel like getting robbed twice. so get allstate... and be better protected from mayhem... like me. ♪
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>> jimmy: hey, we're back with dave salmoni. dave has a show called "big, small and deadly." what is that? >> it's all my favorite animals. we went to africa and shot a bit. we do everything from jellyfish, killer whales, big predators. predators in africa. >> jimmy: it's like my nightmare job. >> it's showing like we do here, this is an animal, we love it,
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try to conserve it. >> jimmy: twhou thnow this is a. obviously, i don't want to get squirted by a skunk, but i look at skunks outside my house, and i go, that's a beautiful, they always seem well-groomed. >> they do. i can let you touch her. i can let you give her a little pat-pat. >> jimmy: does this one have the smell going? >> yeah, they have a scent. that's a defense. she's going to go after to a predator. can you put some of those on the table there? they're a warning to predators, if you happen to come near me, i'm going to spray you. and the black and white is just a hey, it's the warning sign that you get. >> jimmy: and the spray comes out of where? >> it's pee. >> jimmy: it's pee? >> it has chemicals in its pee that makes it stink really, really bad. >> she should use a probiotic.
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>> when they say you've been sprayed, you've been peed on. predators will have a hard time hunting because everything they look to kill will smell unpleasant. >> jimmy: i'm sorry we didn't have time for the toucan. the toucan will be rescheduled with matt damon. >> jimmy: dave salmoni! "big, small & deadly" premieres august 20th on animal planet, and we'll return with music from snoop dogg. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by the all new amg, gt 4 door coup.
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>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by . [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i'd like to jim gaffigan and dave salmoni, apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next, but first this is his album "i wanna thank me" here with the songs "countdown" and "the next episode" with help from swizz beatz, snoop dogg!
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 >> l.a. what's up! understand westcoast son of sam ♪ ♪ drumming with a hundred bands cause that ain't to a real crip ♪ ♪ you swallow every clip before a flip cause lbc yeah we gets love ♪ ♪ 213 rest in peace nate its real in the field keep your cleats laced ♪ ♪ crack a hit the switch and make the back scrape down ♪ ♪ smoke a pound when i move around here the world is my lounge chair ♪ ♪ real sharks turn guppies y'all drowned here when everyday ♪ ♪ to me is new years eve swizzy the countdown ♪ ♪ 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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now i'm back getting another bag ♪ ♪ clocking a grip i put the r in crip c's up g's up b's up aww ♪ ♪ he's up we's up east up ♪ ♪ get a real woman don't trust these and when you round the cops ♪ ♪ don't say 3 much its gets cold for a winner in the winter ♪ ♪ for a rich crip chick getter big dogg pick of the litter stop drinking ♪ ♪ cause my liver act up and i'll bring back the savage like a rental ♪ ♪ gold and black flannel grips ripping on the handles ♪ ♪ selling weed selling songs got shows on four channels like ♪ ♪ 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 go crazy in this mother right now ♪ ♪ go crazy in this mother now go crazy in this ♪ go crazy in this right right c-r-i-p y'all aint never gone see ♪ ♪ a g like me again so get a glimpse
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of a winner a rich crip chick ♪ ♪ getter swizzy the countdown ♪ ♪ 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 top dogg bite them all ♪ ♪ burn the up d-p-g-c my turn that up ♪ ♪ c-p-t l-b-c yeah we hookin' back up and when they bang this in the club ♪ ♪ put your hands in the air ♪ say snoop dogg ♪ ♪ baby you got to get up thug drug dealers yeah they givin it up lowlife your life ♪ ♪ boy we living it up
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taking chances while we dancing in the party for sure ♪ ♪ slip my a forty-four and she got in the back door looking at me strange but you know ♪ ♪ i don't care step up in this mother just a-swanging my hair quit talking ♪ ♪ crip walk if you down with the set take a bullet with some and take this dope ♪ ♪ from this jet out of town put it down for the father of rap ♪ ♪ and if your get cracked shut your trap come back ♪ ♪ get back that's the part of success if you believe in the x you'll be relieving your stress ♪ ♪ ♪ put your hands way up in the air ♪ ♪ everybody come on and put your hands way up in the air ♪ ♪ put your hands up in the air ♪ stop ♪ hold up ♪ uh-huh ♪ we don't ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ gonna take a
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♪ i hope you're ready for the next episode ♪ ♪ hey, hey, hey, hey, this is "nightline". tonight, "the intercept." in hot pursuit of daring drug runners on the high seas. our cameras on the front lines of america's war on drugs. the u.s. coast guard grabbing 460,000 pounds of cocaine last year alone, now armed with the newest weapons and latest technology stopping smugglers before they ever make it to shore or the streets. plus, "wedding crashers." sure it's all fun and games when celebrities make an unexpected cameo at the ceremonies. but now, the uninvited guests wanted for allegedly stealing more than the spotlight. they're swiping gifts. and "political football." aftea

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