this is "nightline." tonight, modern marriage. gender fluid and free to be. >> in layman terms, it's not man, not woman. all man, all woman. >> actor, author, activist, niko tortorella rejecting labels. now explaining the new rules and roles, even to mom. >> i was okay with everything to the best of my ability, and then i saw the dress. >> plus, hottest style. ♪ that's what makes you beautiful ♪ >> taking one direction in a new direction. the former waitress turned

author serving up erotica. >> why are you so good about writing about sex? >> now changing from crowdsourcing to the silver screen. but first the "nightline" five. numb

good evening. thank you for joining us. no doubt, marriage can be complicated.

for actor and activist nico tortorella a most unconventional relationship is challenging labels. here's my "nightline" co-anchor juju chang. >> when bethany and i met in 2006, i was a boy and she was a girl. whatever that means. >> reporter: this is not your typical boy meets girl love story. >> today bethany and i both identify as non-binary and prefer they, them pronouns. >> reporter: actor nico tortorella and bethany c. meyers are a uniquely modern couple. >> my wife, my husband my best friend my partner my everything. >> reporter: both are gender fluid. their marriage: polyamourous, redefining what it means to be husband and wife. >> i mean in layman's terms it's not man, not woman. all man, all woman. >> reporter: it's all laid out in nico's new book "space between" a place, they say, where people who don't consider themselves "he" or "she" can call their own. >> and tell me the pronouns that you use? >> they them pronouns.

>> and i may screw it up if i mess it up along the way. >> it's still a work in progress for everyone. i still mess up sometimes, too. >> what's the point of pronouns? >> for me they, them fully encompasses all it that exists in my own multi-dimensional dynamic being. right at it, it just feels more inclusive. it feels wider. >> reporter: nico also revealing their painful struggles with coming out and facing their dark battle with alcohol. >> when i started having access to the party, to the celebrity, to the free everything right. it got out of control like it does for so many people in this industry. thirty-one year old nico found fame playing the hyper masculine tattoo artist josh on tvland's hit show "younger." >> reporter: portraying lyle menendez in lifetime's blood brothers. and in the upcoming spinoff of amc's "the walking dead" nico plays a queer character battling the zombie apocalypse.

>> you should be scared every time. >> reporter: on the red carpet, nico often makes a splash with wild gender-bending outfits. but here at their upstate new york home their sanctuary, nico and bethany are simply "they." >> why get married? because it seems to me a very traditional social construct for two very untraditional people. >> i knew that when it came to having a foundation and a family foundation that this was the person for me to do it with. >> when it when it comes to you know visiting each other in a hospital. god forbid that ever happens when it comes to bringing children into the world when it comes to health insurance. you know the system was built for a reason. >> reporter: it's what works for them and while bethany and nico are deeply committed to each other, they also each have multiple sexual partners. >> and so polyamorous, some people think just means having group sex. but that's not what this is?

it's the ability to create space for more than one person at any given point. >> how could you not be jealous. i get a little bit jealous but jealousy is something. it's something i have to practice, it's a very normal human emotion. >> reporter: nico and bethany's untraditional love story began as teenagers in art school in chicago when nico developed a crush. >> i nico very much liked me and i did not like nico at first but i remember talking to one of my friends and being like i don't know who this person is. and they kind of annoyed me but they're going to be in my life forever. >> we talked about where you come from culturally and how that is a place where you've had to deal with some -- >> backlash. >> backlash and resistance. >> i'm from missouri small town pretty conservative raise very traditional. i was raised believing that if

you are gay you go to hell. >> niko also struggled, growing up in a working class italian family. >> i always knew that i was different. i think when i first realized that even homosexuality was an option i saw it on tv. i would go down in the basement and watch "queer as folk" in the basement and delete it from the queue because i didn't want my parents knowing that i was watching it. >> reporter: with leaving home in the midwest, nico came into their own and with finding fame came a greater sense of purpose. >> when you walk the runway with the chip hairy chest and a full beard. >> yes ma'am. yes ma'am. >> in a dress thats alot of hyper masculine female. >> well it's political. i mean, it's not just throwing on a dress because i'm having fun. it's to prove a point. and i look good in a dress. so what's the problem? i have a certain privilege that other people do not have and wearing a dress is activism for me. >> reporter: while nico's fame has given them a platform, it's also been a double-edged sword. >> you're very candid about your substance abuse and how rock bottom it got.

>> once you're just like alone drinking alone doing drugs alone and you're completely numb to it all. it gets it gets really scary. you know it gets really lonely. >> you describe ashton kutcher intervening. >> i was 21 years old living in new york city. everyone was partying and i had gone to ask him for some advice and he was just like don't put anything up your nose. we were all drinking. we were all [ bleep ] up. >> i got into his face. he was like you're high right now. i was high. so you feel like you're invincible right. and we just started going at it. it didn't get physical. it could have. >> reporter: before quitting alcohol, alarms bells were also going off at home with bethany. >> there was a day when i was like hey let's just have a day together let's just be like sober today let's go let's not party let's like be in the sunshine then nico turned around and grabbed a bottle of vodka out of the freezer and started drinking it and i was like, "oh, you can't."

and that was a really scary moment for me. >> how is your sobriety today? >> great. still i speak of my sobriety as fluid ke the rest of who i am. i'm sober from alcohol. that was the one thing that really was the devil for me. so i gave up alcohol. i still smoke weed and still use cannabis. >> so one of the things that i found most sort of refreshing about your book was the way that you paint your mother's evolution. >> her transition. >> her transition and this alongside your transition. and because when you when you quote her early on its homophobic. >> there's. yeah, there's some gnarly stuff in there for sure. but that was normal language. i feel like for so much of that generation. >> reporter: nico's mom annie joining us, looking back on that first time she saw her son in a dress here at new york's fashion week. >> and i'm like, are you kidding

me? i mean, like at one point does it stop? right. where's the line? and i realize there is no line. if you start drawing lines then you're put in a box. >> what would you say to other moms out there whose kids may be exploring sexuality. >> and gender, right? >> reporter: and gender. >> i realized that it was more important for me to have the love of my son. who am i to judge who he loves, who he doesn't love. he loves everybody. >> reporter: and over the years those lessons learned from nico became part of annie's everyday. >> how did you get to be friends with so many queer people in florida. >> it started with my hairdresser. >> as it does. >> reporter: annie now surrounding herself with members of the lgbtq plus community. like her son. >> trans masseuse, gay hair stylist and the lesbian doctor. yeah. >> reporter: husband and wife and a mother and son on their separate paths -- but bound by respect and an abiding love.

>> you said a lot of things to nico, i'm sure he said plenty of choice things back. >> when you look back on it now what do you think? >> i want to say, i wish i could do it all over again. i can't change the past, i can change today. just as he is changing today for so many people. he's done that for me. >> he's helped you change. >> our niko's book, "space between" is out now. up next, she's just wild about harry styles. her steamy erotic writing based on one direction heating up more than just the pages. we call it the mother standard of care. it's how we care for our cancer patients- like job. when he was diagnosed with cancer, his team at ctca created a personalized care plan to treat his cancer and side effects.

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author anna todd is turning up the heat and turning lots of heads with page-turners by boy band one direction. >> his mouth travels down to my neck then my chest. his tongue dips down. his hand massages one of my breasts. i feel the pressure building in my stomach and it is pure bliss. i mean that's some -- that's some hot reading. >> reporter: at just 30 years old, anna todd is on fire. >> anna i love you! >> reporter: creating one of the wildest erotica empires in the world. >> why are you so good at writing about sex?

>> i've been married since i was 18, so i can't be like i have tons of experience. i think it's just me reading so many erotic novels. >> reporter: anna's "after" series loosely based on her love for british pop band one direction. ♪ you don't know you're beautiful ♪ >> reporter: has propelled the former waffle house waitress into literary stardom. >> "new york times" bestselling author, 10 books published, eleven million copies sold worldwide, your books are in 35 languages. you have a feature film, you're shooting your second feature film now. what is it about after that made all these numbers possible? >> i mean i would love to know what it actually is because then i would just do it again and again and again. but i think it was a mixture of different things. we were in this space where it was post "fifty shades" and it was hard to find stories that were different. and then it's the addiction part. like, i literally couldn't stop writing it. and i had to know what these characters were doing. so as a reader i would imagine you feel that even stronger. >> reporter: like "fifty shades of grey's" e.l. james, and "the kissing booth's" beth reekles, anna is part of a growing

movement of authors who self-published online first, before literary agents and movie studios came knocking. >> it's weird because i don't feel like i sacrificed to here, i feel like i hit the frickin jackpot and i like snuck in the back door. >> there's like a christmas book tree. >> reporter: but she's stepped in seamlessly as a screenwriter and producer on her second film adaption "after we collided." >> i get here when the crew gets here, go to hair and make up first, check with wardrobe, are we going to get that product placement from so and so, how are we going to shoot this scene? >> she's the boss. >> she really is everywhere around the clock but in a really nice, supportive, reassuring way. >> you're making sure that you're sticking to the story and the characters and the heart of the characters. >> it's just so surreal. it's like the most basic word, but it's the only word that describes it. >> reporter: another word might be remarkable. anna grew up in a trailer home in dayton, ohio.

her father, a drug addict, was murdered before her first birthday. and her mom worked long hours just to make ends meet. >> and then coming home at night and not really having the bandwidth to be super present. i think that's where the book-loving came from. and my friends were wanting cds i'm like, "okay. mariah carey's cool but i want a book." >> was it an escape? >> yeah, definitely. it's the only time where you can just shut off to live someone else's life. >> reporter: she met her now-husband in 11th grade, graduated high school and got married at 18, working minimum wage jobs while he served overseas in the army. >> i didn't grow up in a house where i was told to go to college i was told to get a job and be able to pay your bills and take care of yourself. >> reporter: by 2013, anna wasn't just caring for herself. >> my son was a baby. he wasn't mobile yet and he has a lot of medical conditions, i was just home with him all day. but i still could read and i was obsessed with romance completely

down a rabbit hole. >> reporter: it was around that time she discovered a self-publishing app called wattpad, where anyone could upload their own stories and receive instant feedback from readers who left comments. >> i just was like, "i'll just write a chapter. i'm bored, why not?" >> where did you come up with the idea for this series? >> i basically put everything i've ever loved like "pride and prejudice," "wuthering heights," "vampire diaries," even "cruel intentions." "fifty shades," like, everything, "twilight" everything i've loved i just dumped it in a bowl and stirred it basically and i tried to find ways to make it almost even more intense. >> reporter: spicing things up with her obsession for one direction, anna typed out plotlines on her phone about bad boy sophomore harry styles and innocent college freshman tessa young's tumultuous, whirlwind romance. >> i'm done playing this game. >> reporter: readers would give her instant feedback and she'd use those comments to guide her into the next chapter it's part of a strategy called social writing. >> it's fun to feel that live

reaction and posting a chapter and. 10 minutes later you have a thousand people telling you it's either the best or the worst or you hate this or they love that. >> so your fans are almost like your editors. >> yes, and they catch things like tessa's car was white then silver then white. i'm like oh yeah that's wrong. >> it really speaks to the way people communicate today, the way people find most of the things they like to read, the things they like to watch. it's all happening socially. >> in just one year, anna's posts racked up almost half a billion views. and the girl with no previous ambitions of being a writer, landed a six-figure book deal. >> you've created six, seven hundred page books and there's multiple of these. why do you think teens and young adults are latching on? >> i think it's because it's actually something that they can relate to, there's a really big disconnect between publishing houses and what actual youth wants. >> reporter: anna had to change

the one direction names. harry styles became hardin scott but otherwise things remained the same. >> even after you got this big publishing deal you still made sure that it was available on wattpad for free for people >> yes. >> why was that important? >> and i will never take it down here. i know how it is to not be able to buy a book. i have literally bought books. read them as fast as i can and returned them. there's no price tag on me taking that down. >> everyone thought that was very risky well, it turns out a lot of the fans actually wanted to own the object. they were very invested in the story because they had seen it evolve online. i think it really opened the door for a lot of other wattpad authors to get their own book deals and their own movie deals. >> reporter: many have accused anna of glorifying issues like alcoholism and domestic abuse. >> well, this is life. not everybody has an amazing childhood and not everybody had someone to look up to or to teach them the way. >> reporter: and she says what some people call controversial sex scenes are important for young women to see. >> i'm writing for the teenage girls who were like, "oh, it's not weird for me to be curious about sex and want to talk about sex and want to have sex and initiate it."

>> reporter: and equally portant they're filmed from a woman's perspective. >> sexy to me is eye contact, and fingers touching, and breathing and those types of things >> well, the way you're describing it, is almost a woman creating a sex scene. >> yes, exactly, exactly. >> reporter: for anna, this total control of the scene is part of the future revolution writing. >> i also am very aware of the hundreds of thousands of writers who would love to have a publishing deal. you can do this. it's my mission to give a voice and get people published who would never be published. >> reporter: for "nightline," i'm maggie rulli in atlanta. and up next, remembering one of our own.

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>> reporter: finally, tonight we remember our abc news colleague and dear friend, lauren brennan. here's my "nightline" co-anchor juju chang. >> lauren brennan's smile warmed peoples' hearts. a friend described her as "goodness and light rolled into one human being." she passed away this week after battling ovarian cancer. lauren was a part of the abc news family for 16 years, working at almost every show at the network, saying "yes" to every challenge thrown her way. beloved by everyone, especially cherished by her colleagues at "2020." one saying she would tell silly jokes, and inject a smile into any situation. >> her laughter could make any situation lighter and brighter.

>> but most of all, she was a true friend in every sense of the word. >> lauren adored her husband jerry and their miracle twins, aubrey and mason, born 4 months premature, weighing just over a pound each. lauren was their tireless advocate, now two and half, they are thriving. they are her legacay, their lives a gift lauren left for the world. >> reporter: we miss you, lauren. that's "nightline."