for chris, sandhya, all of us here, thanks for joining >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- tom hanks. from "the misery index," jameela jamil. and music from brittany howard. and now, to avoid any confusion, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you very much. hi, everyone. thank you. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming, for answering my evite. please relax. we have so much to get to. starting with an unusual happening in washington. that for a change had nothing to do with the president. this is from the redskins-lions game yesterday. the redskins quarterback, dwayne haskins, got his first nfl win. but missed the final play of the game because he was taking a selfie with a fan. [ laughter ]

they had to put in the backup quarterback for the final snap. and of course people were very upset about this. former redskins quarterback joe theismann wrote, "how do you miss the last snap of a game because you're taking selfies? that's unprofessional and wrong." unprofessional and wrong. both of those things. [ laughter ] the guy's 22 years old. he heard it was time for the snap. he probably thought they meant snapchat and he went -- [ laughter ] elsewhere in washington it was a busy few days for our dear misleader. on friday trump plasd a call to fox & friends and talked almost nonstop for 53 minutes straight. he didn't even pause for a chicken leg. he just went on and on. [ laughter ] he had a nice long chat with his friends. and then later in the day smoked a peace pipe with perhaps his fiercest republican opponent. >> we got almost 6 million kids addicted to nicotine. and they're getting addicted to nicotine because of flavors. putting out cotton candy flavor and what is it, unicorn poop

flavor. this is kid product. that we have to put the kids first. >> jimmy: that was ranch dressing flavor. he couldn't resist. ait has been a tumultuous month but the president tried hard to change the focus today by welcoming conan the dog, who took part in the raid that killed the leader of isis. >> this is conan. right now probably the world's most famous dog. i don't think i have to use the word probably. and conan is a incredible -- it's an incredible story. i learned a lot about this particular type of dog. and it's -- it's trained that if you open your mouth you will be attacked. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all of a sudden he's the khaleesi with his attack dog conan. [ laughter ] although it's funny trump didn't touch conan during the visit he just kept his arms at his sides. but the vice president mike pence is giving him a friendly pet. the whole thing. it was nice to see trump's dogs

playing together. it really was. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the president gave conan the dog a plaque, which i'm sure he will treasure, and presented cone wynn a medal. you know what kind of medal the president gives a dog? the medal of fleadom. [ laughter ] [ rimshot ] thank you. thanks, everybody. i never even graduated college. so today trump hosted a dog and tomorrow he'll preside over the annual pardoning of the turkeys. trump will pardon two turkeys tomorrow. their names are bread and butter. bread and butter arrived in washington, d.c. yesterday. they're staying at a hotel. the willard hotel near the white house. when the president finds out they didn't stay at the trump hotel he might not give them the pardons. we might be about to see a couple of turkeys get sent to guantanamo bay. but there they are on the bed. is there any sadder person than the maid who has to clean the room after turkeys sleep over? [ laughter ] their big day is tomorrow. and then the next turkey to get pardoned will probably be rudy giuliani, the president's

lawyer. [ laughter ] [ applause ] who after a brief period in hiding is back out there talking to fox news and continuing with these vague threats of insurance in the event that he's betrayed by his orange friend. >> all of these comments, which are totally insulting, i mean, i've seen things written like he's going to throw me under the bus. when they say that i say he isn't but i have insurance. >> jimmy: that's not the first time he's said that, by the way, that he has insurance against the president. of course that's got people going online. then giuliani had to tweet to clarify that he was kidding. he wrote, "truth alert." never good when you have to alert people you're about to tell the truth. but "the statement i made several times of having an insurance policy if thrown under bus is sarcastic and relates to the files in my safe about the biden family's four-decade monday tiges of his office. if i disappear it will appear immediately along with my rico chart." that's a mafia reference because

of course it is. and the message from rudy giuliani is please do not kill me because if you do my ghost will embarrass you i guess? i don't know. [ laughter ] all i know is this is our president's lawyer. this is also not a good weekend for one of team trump's most devoted disciples, congressman devin nunes, who -- you know, watching these impeachment hearings i keep wondering why this guy, who clearly knows he's on the wrong side, would defend the president so fiercely. it now appears that devin nunes, who's the ranking republican on the house intelligence committee, which is investigating whether trump tried to dig up dirt on joe bide nen ukraine, may have flown on the taxpayer's dime last year to dig up dirt on joe biden in ukraine. i don't even think the word hypocrisy covers it anymore. this is the hipocalypse we're living through. lfr the lawyer for one of his goons, lev parnas, said his client can testify that nunes met with a former ukrainian

prosecutor named viktor shokin to try to get something on biden which is pretty much what the president was trying to do. this must be a touchy subject because yesterday devin nunes wouldn't even answer questions about it on fox news. >> were you in vienna with shokin? >> yeah, so look, maria, i really want to answer all of these questions. and i promise you i absolutely will come back on the show and answer these questions. i can't compete by trying to -- trying to debate this out with the public media when 90% of the media are totally corrupt. >> jimmy: so the answer, in other words, is yes, he did. yeah. [ laughter ] nunes is now threatening to sue cnn and the daily beast for reporting on this. what a snowflake. what an oily little snowflake he is. and just to put a cherry on top, you know the big conspiracy theory nunes is pushing that the democrats used a company called crowdstrike to hide a server with hillary's e-mails? guess who the republican congressional campaign committee currently employs to handle

their cybersecurity. you don't have to guess because it's crowdstrike. that's right. we don't need the show "succession" on hbo. this thing is succession, "the sopranos," breaking bad, and borat all rolled into one. [ laughter ] and with all this happening, with all the plot twists, all the interesting new characters are being introduced, yesterday we got a visit from an old favorite. former white house press secretary sarah hucka-beyonce uncorked what might be her most brazen lie yet. >> idea that he can only take in one or two bullets is absurd. i've watched him consume massive amounts of information, process it quickly, make a decision -- >> they go on about he doesn't read briefings and whatever. how does he -- >> he reads more than anybody i know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you must know some really dumb people, then. [ laughter ] she doesn't know that flipping through a menu from the cheesecake factory doesn't count as reeding, right? she doesn't even work for him anymore. now she's just lying for free.

donald trump doesn't read. and it has nothing to do with being president or being too busy. you remember years ago when he was asked about his favorite authors? >> who are your favorite authors? >> well, i have a number of favorite authors. i think tom wolfe is excellent. >> did you read "vanity of the bonfires"? >> i did not. >> it's a phenomenal book. >> what book are you reading now? >> bonfire of the vanities. >> i'm reading my own book again because i think it's so fantastic. >> what's the best book you've read beside "art of the deal"? >> i really like tom wolfe's last book. and i think he's a great author. he's done a beautiful job. >> which book? >> his current book. his current book that's just out. >> "bonfire of the vanities." >> yes. the man has done a very, very good job. i really can't hear with this earphone, by the way. >> jimmy: right, right. now, if you'll excuse me, i'm late for my imaginary book club. [ laughter ] meanwhile, another democrat, former new york mayor michael bloomberg, has officially

launched a presidential campaign. bloomberg is spending more than $30 million on tv ads, which is a small part of his $53 billion fortune. michael bloomberg believes that the best person to beat a fake billionaire from new york is a real billionaire from new york. and this is from his website. he's even got a website. a new choice for democrats. just what the democrats need. another choice. [ laughter ] democrats need another choice like starbucks needs another location. [ laughter ] but you know they're serious because bloomberg, they already have tote bags with "mike" on them for $22.40. all the items on his website have weird prices. i like mike onesie for $22.25. a hoodie for $50.95. a yard sign for $9.05. he priced these like he's a contestant on "the price is right" or something. [ laughter ] and even though he's getting into the game late don't underestimate mike moomberg. this guy was a popular mayor and he's gotties pla in spades.

>> pete wants to know what's my favorite pizza. thin crust, very well done, even burnt, with pepperoni on it. isn't even close. >> jimmy: i think we might need to take instagram away from old people. [ laughter ] so mike bloomberg, he eats pepperoni, he's not kosher at all. it's got to get somebody's vote. we've got a great show for you tonight. from the new movie "a beautiful day in the neighborhood," tom hanks is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] it doesn't get any better than that. and tom is the best. he plays mr. rogers in a movie every decent american wants to see. and whenever there's a movie everyone wants to see we run it by our in-house movie critic yehya. no one loves the stars more than yehya and here he is again tonight talking about the movie "a beautiful day in the neighborhood." ♪ >> action! hi, it's me yehya. i talk about the movie "mr.

roger." ♪ it's a beautiful day in this neighborhood ♪ ♪ a beautiful day for a neighbor ♪ >> i think mr. roger he's like tv it's called very old. it's called simpson street. simpson street for the kids, you know all the -- the big one is named big duck. you know. the red one is named brad. and the blue one, cookie man. okay. mr. roger, he's tom hanks. he do that movie. he's big star and you do a lot a lot of movie with steven skeelbirg. he live in airport. he shave his hair sit in the chair too. also tv show buddy for the boob. and they dot movie in the seattle and he cannot sleep. he's in the movie also with the dog love him a lot. he's in the boif bad with the young guy.

he play the shoes with his bad. and the piano on the floor. >> boom. >> mr. roger, he sound is beautiful day for the neighborhood, it's beautiful day for the neighborhood, it's beautiful day for my -- all my neighbor around the city, around the area. around the freeway around the ground too, the people die it's beautiful. ♪ please won't you be my neighbor ♪ >> go see the movie mr. roger. it's good movie! good luck! what i say? that's it or more? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, yehya. all right. tonight on the show we have music from brittany howard. jameela jamil is here. we'll be right back with tom hanks!

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>> jimmy: welcome back to the show. tonight from "the good place" and "the misery index," jameela jamil is here. and then later she is a grammy nominee. you know her from the band alabama shakes. her solo album is called "jaime." brittany howard from the mercedes-benz outdoor stage. she's great. tomorrow night laura dern and andrew yang will be with us and we'll have music from bishop briggs. our first guest tonight a living breathing american treasure who dons a sweater and a pair of comfortable shoes to play another american treasure. "a beautiful day in the neighborhood" is in theaters now. please welcome tom hanks. [ cheers and applause ]

thank you very much. i like your beard. it looks good. >> thank you. this is the -- you might still be in the phase of it's really itchy. and it's kind of like bugs you. is this a voluntary length of your beard? >> i keep it trimmed back, yeah. >> i did this for a gig. it gets to a point where there is -- it's just a pain in the ass but then it reaches this critical mass and it's okay. one of the things that happens you find it itches so much, you could be at a fancy dinner party without even knowing it, your hand has found the salad fork and starts going like this. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: not really, no. >> no, no, i've done it a million times. and i'm sitting there going like, this that's interesting, mr. president. and my wife will say you are sticking a fork into your beard.

i say i am not. oh, my god! and put it down. but you can't -- it just gets you. but then it goes ah. and now you're either -- you're either ulysses s. grant or you're brewing craft beer. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is a good time to have a nice white beard. christmas time. >> a little kringley. i'm going to cut it. this is for a gig i have, one day of shooting i have to dpop and then by fiat and family vote it has to come off. >> jimmy: your family doesn't like it? rita doesn't care for? >> rita divides our marriage into eras of beard or no beard. don't even mention "castaway." [ laughter ] even just like the sully mustache, she goes, ew. >> jimmy: the sully mustache was a little weird, but i think the beard works very well. >> okay. thank you. i am going to take it down. when i grow a beard i will try to do various looks and just get a picture of it.

like i want to do the guy just out of prison. you know, just do a thing like that. i'll do that. then i'll do the elvis impersonator. that kind of thing. but i want to get a burt reynolds, you know, bow mustache, the one that comes down. get a picture of that. >> jimmy: just be careful because the final stage of that, of course, is a little hitler mustache. [ laughter ] >> i would call that the charlie chaplin, you idiot. i'm not going to say, you nknow [ applause ] . i'll put a little top hat on. have you seen the little mustache? you are such a jaded talk show host. >> jimmy: glass half empty. >> i get it. >> jimmy: i don't know if you know this. where were you shooting this movie? >> oh, we were in new mexico. vast stretches of new mexico. >> jimmy: out in the field, the desert. >> so far away there was no cell phone service. you had to go climb a thing called lone butte to get two bars. >> jimmy: really?

>> yeah. climb lone butte, you see some producer up there going like this. looks like rain, we're going to have to shoot on saturday. but we were out on these -- there's a vast movie history to new mexico. >> jimmy: to that area. >> ames ranch and bonanza creek. all these places where really famous movies have -- >> jimmy: you love that stuff, right? >> okay. so we were shooting a scene and -- all the grips. you know, all the crew knows. and they will say you know, this is the ranch where bruce dern killed john wayne in "the cowboys." and just like that it becomes like holy grail time. >> jimmy: that was a big thing, right? wasn't it bad for bruce dern's career? he killed john wayne. >> i couldn't get a job for like five years after i killed john wayne. [ laughter ] no, no, i'm serious, it was a real problem for me. i was working with mare winningham. she and i made "turner & hooch" 8 million years ago.

[ applause ] mare was in this movie. and i had to tell mare, you know, mare, you shot here in bonanza creek. she said i did? yeah, you made a movie with kevin costner with "wyatt earp" that shot right here. i did? i said mare, what is wrong with you? she said, well, actually, none of these buildings were here when we shot that. i said but actually you spent about seven weeks of your life right here shooting that movie. >> jimmy: well, the des editorial looks the same. >> it does. and you can change the angle. just by changing you get a whole new shot. >> jimmy: so lone butte is where you get the wireless signal. actually, we asked just lightly, i don't think you've seen this before. but this was on "jeopardy" last week. i'd like to get your reaction. >> 200, please. >> in "a beautiful day in the neighborhood" beloved children's tv show host mr. rogers is played by this beloved actor. the film opens friday. that's tom hanks. >> you are kidding me!

[ cheers and applause ] you are kidding me. they didn't -- they didn't even have any wrong -- bing, woody harrelson? no. >> jimmy: they were stunned. >> bing, mahershala ali. no. what was the name of the character? washed up career choices -- [ laughter ] bad casting for 1,000, alex. >> jimmy: i look at it as you inhabited that character so beautifully that even they were absorbed instantaneously. >> i'll take that. thank you. i think actually they were blinded by the red sweater. couldn't make anything out. >> jimmy: did you do anything weird in the red sweater? [ laughter ] >> i'll tell you -- first of all, you put on that red sweater and those blue shoes, you might as well be putting on batman's cape and cowl. you feel powerful. >> jimmy: do you? >> yeah, you do.

because we shot this, actually, in pittsburgh at wqed, the channel -- the television station where they actually made it. and to walk into that studio in a red sweater and blue -- people actually would look -- the crew guys would be looking up -- >> jimmy: you had someone -- >> they just came over to look at me like this. >> jimmy: really? >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: that's weird. >> it's a sweater just like fred wore. [ laughter ] they were kind of enamored with the power -- it's kind of like -- there's a number of roles -- >> jimmy: they should go to a marshall's store. >> stay oust old they't of old because you'll never get out of there. if you're in pittsburgh, it's kind of like if you're in memphis and you're making a movie about elvis. in pittsburgh if you are making a movie about andy warhol, because he's a favorite son, roberto clemente, franco harris -- >> jimmy: for sure.

>> -- you have carte blanche in the city. >> jimmy: what about terry bradshaw? would he qualify? >> i think he'll get credit. but at the end of the money they're not going to say -- >> jimmy: did they do that to you? >> i was coming down from the gym in the hotel and i was all sweaty. and a guy got on the elevator with me. and he said oh, mr. hanks. i said korea, hi, how are you doing? he said, you're shooting the mr. rogers film here. yes, yes i am. i am. how is the shooting going, mr. hanks? i said pretty good. you know, i hope it cuts together. i don't know. i hope it comes out well. i'm having a good time. oh, good. well, i wish you good luck on the rest of your shooting, mr. hanks. i said well, thank you very much. and as the door -- he got out before me. and as the door was closing he turned and he looked at me and he said, "we take mr. rogers very seriously here." [ laughter ] like that. his eyes went like snake-like for a second. and i'm thinking, i believe i

have been threatened in the city of three rivers. >> jimmy: i think you delivered the goods. when we come back, we'll see a clip. tom hanks, "a beautiful day in the neighborhood." we'll have that when we come back. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by sam's club, where you can skip the check-out line with scan and go.

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do you think living here makes it easier or more difficult to be a celebrity? >> celebrity? mercy. >> you don't consider yourself famous? >> fame is a four-letter word like tape or zoom. or face. what ultimately matters is what we do with it. >> and what are you doing with it? >> we are trying to give children positive ways to deal with their feelings. >> jimmy: that is tom hanks -- >> much like jimmy kimmel. will lead a studio audience in positive ways about the way they're feeling. >> jimmy: the story revolves around mr. rogers' relationship with a writer from "esquire." who begrudgingly wrote a profile of mr. rogers -- >> tom junard at the time was a persona non grata because of his celebrity profile style.

he pissed off a lot of people. >> jimmy: he killed people in these interviews. >> he would approach it from kind of like hmm, what's the scoop here? and then write it from you're not going to quite believe what this guy or this woman is pulling off. but fred knew that and said no, i want this guy to come and write this story. >> jimmy: and he wound up really changing his life. that's a prop from the movie. >> let me tell you about -- they talked about the taking of this photograph for about 14 weeks before we got around to it. >> jimmy: they did? >> they were all talking about we're going to bring in a special -- this one guy and he does it really great and here's what it is. we're going to light it here. i said look, guys, i have to put on a sweater and look at the camera. i think that's all i really need to know. so whenever you're ready just say come on over and take the picture. and even then we still have like three passes at it. >> jimmy: i was surprised by how much nudity there is in the film. that i did not anticipate. [ laughter ] >> well, he did swim every

morning. [ laughter ] about 9:00 a.m. you know, it's funny. i talked to joanne, his wife, and i said, did he really swim every day? "oh, every day, tom. every day." i said i don't think i could get to a pool and swim every day. "oh, he only did it for 20 minutes." 20 minutes? i can swim 20 minutes a day. >> jimmy: did you take it that seriously, where you were swimming -- >> i did a lot of swimming in order to get -- because he did swim. he was a really good swimmer. >> jimmy: what else did you do that mr. rogers did? >> i will tell you, entering -- at the beginning of the show, it's a beautiful day, come through the front door and all, that 27 takes. it took 27 takes to get through the song. >> jimmy: you have to get that exactly right. >> well, it turned out that first of all, there's tricks. his shoes were bigger than his feet were so they came off very easily. >> jimmy: oh, you're ruining it -- >> i'm sorry. i hate to destroy your childhoods this way. but the sneakers, half the

sneakers -- the sneakers were already half tied. sew only had to put them on and do the rabbit ear and around. i was tying the whole damn shoe. had i to put it on. the once across and then the rabbit -- and that added like easily 3.2 seconds to it. and more often than not i couldn't quite finish. >> jimmy: you have to tie -- >> the toss of the shoe always late. >> jimmy: did mrs. rogers tell you any private information about fred? >> this is what she said. "oh, fred made me mad more than i ever made him mad. i'd come home and say that mechanic doesn't know how to fix the pontiac at all. he didn't know what he was doing. and fred would say, well, you know, he might have been having a bad day." [ laughter ] and joanne, "oh, poo on you. i want you to feel sorry for what i'm going through. i don't want to hear about the mechanic having a bad day." and that was kind of like their relationship. >> jimmy: that's the greatest. >> he drank -- we were doing one early morning scene where i was

talking on the phone to susan, who plays matt's wife. and i said, what did he have for breakfast, joanne? she was actually there when we were shooting there in the house. did he have coffee? oh, no, he never drank any coffee or tea. he'd have hot -- hot pomegranate juice. >> jimmy: really? hot pomegranate juice? >> so i went to mari heller, the boss, our director, and i said any way we can incorporate mott hot pomegranate juice into this scene? and she said, "it can be sitting on the counter." and that was it. so i don't know if it's in the scene or not. but if you see a scene in my kitchen look for the cup of hot pomegranate juice. >> jimmy: did they even have pomegranate juice in the '70s? >> maybe it was cranberry juice. >> jimmy: oh, you know what? mr. rogers famously never had a urinary tract infection. >> well, there you go. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's probably why. >> also the fact that -- the raciest he got was a glass of hot cranberry juice might be one of the reasons he talked so

slowly. >> jimmy: maybe so. >> because there wasn't any legal addictive stimulants in his diet. which is why there are so many pauses in your average episode of "mr. rogers' neighborhood." >> jimmy: yeah, you've got toe slow down to play mr. rogers. >> i watched like 800 episodes. i watched a lot of hours. i was like 180 hours into it and i realized, oh! this is not for us. it's not for grown-ups. if you know that there are dopes and jerks in this world, then mr. rogers is not meant for you. it's meant for 2 1/2 or 3-year-old kids who honestly are wondering how batteries work and where pencils come from. >> jimmy: it took you how many episodes to figure that out? >> 180. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: tom hanks, everybody. he's a little slow but he's a terrific actor. "a beautiful day in the neighborhood" is in theaters now. we'll be right back. you're so annoying, get off me!

hey girls, please can you...c'mon! here, here. just watch something there or play a game. we're here? clyde! girls, in the lounge, c'mon. settle down! did you guys want me to put a movie on for you? no we got it. keep busy and don't annoy grandpa! who's that? that's grandma and grandpa. i miss her. hey girls, just watch something. we'll just be in the kitchen. should we take a picture? ahh thanks! isabel, it's too early! c'mon everybody! it's for all of you. ♪ ha ha girls... you just tap it. what is this? nana fell in love... oh! dad look at your hair! ♪ nana... ♪ [deep exhale] ahhh ♪ she's right there! absolutely brilliant, both of you. thank you! ♪

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qbrexza is the first and only once-daily prescription cloth towelette approved to treat excessive underarm sweating. also known as axillary hyperhidrosis. open one today and see what unfolds. (man vo) do not use qbrexza if you have certain medical conditions. qbrexza may cause new or worsening urinary retention, problems with control of your body temperature and blurred vision. the most common side effect reported was dry mouth. call your healthcare provider if you experience side effects. (woman vo) imagine how life can unfold. ask a dermatologist how you may reduce excessive underarm sweating with qbrexza. it's time for the wall of america kimmel quiz. tonight's kimmel quiz question, which one of these people has a mr. rogers tattoo?

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♪ hvr dips. you either love it or you really love it. (mom) oh, so cute! (fozzie) ma! (mom) oh honeybear! (fozzie) hey, i'm trying some new material. you think i can run one past you?

(mom) oh of course, dear... (fozzie) good good good. [clears throat] so, why do bears wear fur coats? because we'd look silly in sweaters! ahhhh! (mom) wocka wocka. (fozzie) wocka wocka, ma. (fozzie vo) portal. from facebook.

>> jimmy: welcome back. still it come, brittany howard. you know our next guest from "the good place," which is a good place, but her other show with the impractical jokers is dedicated to evil. watch "the misery index" tuesday nights on tbs. please say hello to jameela jamil. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how are you? i like this outfit. >> i'm very nervous. >> jimmy: are you really? >> i've loved you for such a long time. >> jimmy: oh, that's nice. thank you. i appreciate that. somebody loves me finally. [ laughter ] >> this is a dream come true. >> jimmy: did you get to meet tom hanks? that's better than

for agreed. [ laughter ] this is also very nice. >> jimmy: well, it's a pleasure to have you here. >> yeah. he was my first ever crush. >> jimmy: tom hanks? really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what movie was it from? >> "forrest gump." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? that's the one? [ laughter ] i'm not feeling quite as flattered anymore. is it the crewcut that you enjoy? >> it's all of it. i love a fast runner. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did i ever see "mr. rogers' neighborhood"? >> no. we don't have kind programming in england. >> jimmy: none at all? >> no. we don't teach about, you know, loving thy neighbor. we teach you to fear and hate thy neighbor. >> jimmy: is that true? >> yeah. if a stranger were to talk to you in the street, you'd have to hold your handbag closer to you and look at them suspiciously. no, we're terrible, cold, dead people. [ laughter ] you think we're all like mary poppins but we're not.

we're trash. >> jimmy: you think in general there's an unfriendliness that courses through society there? >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow. i never really got that sense. >> stick up the bum. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i guess so. >> not literally. >> jimmy: by the way, i was thinking about tom hanks and i was thinking about one of your co-stars on "the good place," ted danson, who to me is like the tom hanks of television. you know, and of course tom did some television and ted's done some movies. but he's like got that same we all love him quality. have you found that from him? >> i hate him. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you don't like him? >> no, i love him. he's so wonderful. he taught me everything i know. so if anybody ever thought i was bad on "the good place," it's ted's fault, not mine. >> jimmy: what did ted teach you? >> he taught me how to act. but mostly he was just good at teaching me how to stay alive. i kept on getting a fever just from filming, which shows how pathetic i was. a doctor once told me i'm clinically weak. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> it isn't a condition.

it was just sad. but ted notice they'd was fatigued and he was running rings around me. and he's 40 years older than me, which he would hate me saying on television. but i started to jog because of him and the first time i tried i almost died. >> jimmy: from jogging? >> yeah. i went jog. i went about 6:00 p.m. in the evening. i went out dressed like a ninja, head to toe in black because l.a. doesn't feel very safe on the street. i'm joking. i'm running down a big road called la cienega. there's a traffic stop i guess you call it in the middle. what do you call it? a traffic island? >> jimmy: yeah. >> there's three lanes of traffic on either side. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> i stopped because of the traffic. i'm listening to beyonce very loud. and i guess because i'm very tall i have to disturbed a branch on the tree. what i don't know is -- and i find this out as kind of a cloud of black descends upon me. there's a beehive on that tree. >> jimmy: wow. >> i have very much so pissed off the beehive that are now all over me. so i just start running into traffic. that is my natural instinct, just to run into six lanes of

traffic. i run in, a car hits me -- >> jimmy: no! >> yeah. i get knocked over by a car. i just started filming "the good place" by the way. but the car is thankfully slowing down because it sees a woman covered in a perm of bees. so they hit me while slowing down. i go down. the bees come down on me. i get back up. i start running again. the bees continue to chase me for another five minutes till finally i turn a corner, i run down a street called 3rd, which is a very big street. there is a taco club i guess. it's a club slash taco bar. there are people standing outside smoking. and i think to myself, and this is like -- it's terrible when you're in a moment of emergency to realize what an awful person you are. but i looked at those people smoking and i was like, you already don't care about your life. [ laughter [ laughter ] so i'm going to run at you with these bees. i'm on a show.

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: you led the bees to them? >> i lead the bees to all of these smoking people. and then i get down on the ground and i army crawl into the juice bar next door and watch everyone get stung. there are handbags flying, cigarettes flying. it's mayhem. and i was fine. >> jimmy: really? you had no stings? >> not one. [ applause ] >> jimmy: this is why you can never exercise. it's so dangerous. >> so dangerous. >> jimmy: and ted danson is at fault for this. >> he tried to kill me. >> jimmy: this would be a perfect scenario for your television show, wouldn't it? >> yes. >> jimmy: it's only a shame this wasn't captured on videotape. "the misery index." explain the idea of this show. >> so "the misery index" is a game show. it's on tbs. it's with the impractical jokers. and we have to basically rank the most miserable events that can happen to people. it's kind of self-perpetuated stupidity. we're not punching down. it's not cruel. it's just based on human error.

and there's a scale of 1 to 100. and we're going to give you different scenario that's are hideous and you have to figure out where on the scale of 1 to 100 those things go for the chance to win $30,000. >> jimmy: as determined by whom? >> as determined by, well, psychologists. the best psychologists in the world. they work out the scale. and then you try and win money based on other people's -- our slogan is "how to make a fortune from other people's misfortune." >> jimmy: right. and what's the worst thing you've seen on the show so far? >> there was a woman who has explosive diarrhea whenever she orgasms. >> jimmy: yeah, that's bad. yeah. [ laughter ] >> do you want me to give you one you can use on the show? >> jimmy: is that 100? >> no. it was only like 50. >> jimmy: so we've yet to hit the top then. there's still room for -- >> in my opinion, though -- the thing that's good about the show is fa tha it's divisive. a lot of people were screaming at each other and arguing in the audience because it's all subjective and it's an amazing way to find out who in your life is a sociopath. [ laughter ] most likely to murder you in

your sleep. >> jimmy: so it's useful as well. >> yeah. >> jimmy: well, congratulations on that show. the show is called "the misery index." tuesday nights 10:30 on tbs. jameela jamil, everybody. thank you, jameela. we'll be right back with brittany howard. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by the 2019 a-class. mercedes-benz, best or nothing. ...at 20 to 60% off department store prices. most stores are open thanksgiving, 6pm to midnight. reopening friday at 7am. ...with extended hours saturday and sunday. yes for less.

your sister stopped borrowing your sweaters? yeah! that's yes for less.

stop stealing mine... never. holiday gifts everyone's sure to love at 20 to 60 percent off department store prices. at ross. yes for less. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i want to thank tom hanks and jameela jamil. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. in the in t "nightline" is next. but first, this is her album "jaime." here with the song "history repeats," brittany howard! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> what's up, everybody, tonight? how are you doing? everybody in this parking lot. everybody in tv land. what's up? my name's brittany howard. i'm going to talk to you a little bit about something right here. on the drums i got nate. on the bass i got zack.ght here

williams. my cousin paul on the keys. shanai honey johnson. and coreita. alex shakur. we've got to talk to you one time about something i don't want to do no more. i don't. i'll tell you. ♪ i just don't want to be back in this place again i mean i done cried a little ♪ ♪ tried a little failed a little i don't wanna do it again ♪ ♪ do you feel me yes, ma'am do you feel me yes, ma'am ♪ ♪ do you feel me yes, ma'am do you feel me i came and went i washed my hands with itagain ♪ ♪ don't push me push me push me ♪ ♪ push me hold me in ♪

♪ i don't wanna go back here again stt oursels ♪ come on everybody one more time again history repeats and we defeat ourselves ♪ ♪ come on everybody one more time again history repeats and we defeat ourselves ♪ ♪ come on everybody one more time again history repeats and we defeat ourselves ♪ ♪ come on everybody one more time again history repeats and we defeat ourselves ♪ ♪ come on everybody one more time again history repeats and we defeat ourselves ♪eah,h

♪ whoo ♪ keep going ♪ yeah, yeah ♪ stop that mess >> put your hands in the air, everybody. i'm happy to be here performing tonight. i'll tell you what i want to do. >> what you want to do? >> i want to keep moving forward. i don't want to go back. to where we've already been. higher. you feel me shanai? >> yes, ma'am. >> you feel me, coreita? >> uh-huh. >> you feel me, paul?

nae-nae. you know what i want to do? i want to -- i want to do it again, nate. ♪ history repeats and we defeat ourselves ♪ ♪ come on everybody one more time again history repeats and we defeat ourselves ♪ ♪ come on everybody do it one more time again, time again, time again ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ come on everybody one more time again history repeats and we defeat ourselves ♪ ♪ i've got to >> all right, ladies and gentlemen. we've got to go. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

this is "nightline." tonight, dark waters. >> isn't that lovely? >> toxic chemicals in a town's water. a major corporation accused of making people sick. actor mark ruffalo now bringing this real-life story to the silver screen. >> that's chemicals, i'm telling you. >> putting a spotlight on the health and environmental risks of so-called forever chemicals. >> now i know what products and what products don't have it, and i'm still learning. plus emrata. emily ratajkowski. the supermodel turning heads, raising eyebrows, and redefining what it means to be a feminist. >> choosing to represent your body h