that's our report. as always, we appreciate your time. i' >> dicky: from hollywoodit's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- rachel brosnahan. director greta gerwig. and music from taylor hawkins and the coattail riders. and now, settle down, jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] ♪ >> jimmy: that's very nice. thank you. welcome. i'm your host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. oh, boy, i appreciate that. what a ridiculous time it is to be alive. huh? i have a thought. what if we just skip 2020 all together and get right to 2021. we move the clock forward, why not move the calendar forward a year? we miss the olympics and maybe

the sequel to "top gun." so what? here's something i realized over this break. kids don't know there's money anymore. they've seen it, but they don't know what it's for, because we buy everything on the phone and the computer. they don't see anything change hands. they just see hands. my daughter is 5 years old, she's playing with my ipad, and these criminals who make these apps for kids. it's not enough you pay for the app. they have add-ons, too. it's a never-ending money hole. if you want the puppy to have a pink hat, it's an extra $2.99. not only do they have add-ons but a monthly charge. if your kid's in the middle of a game and they want to keep going you have to subscribe and pay every month. and good luck trying to cancel it. it's like trying to find a blockbuster video store. it's impossible. five times i tried to cancel this unicorn shep app, a stupid

app where a horse makes cake. my daughter played this once a year ago. $36 later, i'm still paying for it. i don't know how to cancel it. i had to google thousand c app. go to settings, check no, i was like, to hell with it. it's now part of our monthly budget. and, because of the ipad, my kids probably aren't going to college anyway. i'll just take the money out of that. the single most helul thing a person can do is cancel an app. my daughter wants to buy something and i have the face id on. all i have to do is hold it up to my face and it's paid for. but that also means hey, dad, look at this, and i go like

this, and $3.99 flies right out of my possibility. she's using my face like the t e tom cruise. today iran launched a military attack against troops in iraq. but this is when it becomes particularly preposterous that our president is donald trump. we might be at war. and this guy, you know what he's busy, he's bragging. he gave a doozy of an interview to rush limbaugh, during which he claims to have wiped out isis, which he has not and boasted he was having dinner with mark zuckerberg and zuckerberg congratulated hem for bei being number one on facebook which he also is not. our country is being run by the equivalent of a giant foam finger. he's not number one on facebook. this is such a lie, mark

zuckerberg immediately posted it to facebook. we also don't know when or if the dinner, these dinner he said they had took place. it's entirely possible he met some guy in a hoodie and assumed it was mark zuckerberg. a republican congressman, paul gosart of arizona, his own siblings took out an attack ad against hem durgim during midte. he tweeted this photo of president obama shaking hands with rouhani quoting the world is a better place without these guys in power. this photo is fake. obama never met the guy. after multiple people pointed out this air, gosart wrote number one, like no one said

this wasn't photo no one said obama met rue haouhn person. is that the standard now? you can post whatever thing you want and leave it to us to figure out if it's poehoto? because if that's case, i have a photo of gosart being skbra jared of subway. this is not photo shopped. this is donald trump shaking tiny hands with the guy who ordered the killing of a journalist. yesterday they announced they're planning to ban deep fake videos. you've seen them, they're morphed to make it seem like someone said something they didn't. facebook should ban everything except birthdays and pictures of our exes getting fat.

but this is serious stuff. before the ban on deep fakes takes effect we wanted to get one under the wire, specifically, this episode of donald trump on the show "toddlers and >> i said get out of my room. >> melissa's >> next contestant at number four. >> bren is full of drama. there's no way of saying that's not true. that's part of her personality. those people are jealous. >> i'm not nervous, cause i know i rock the stage. >> jimmy: that's where the tanning started.

today's a notable day for our galaxy. on this date in 161 161 161 you know, the guy from the queen song? he discovered that the earth does not revolve the sun. many of the same people believe the earth is flat, like a tor tee yeah. they're called flat earthers, and they have conventions and shirts and mugs and the whole deal. we sent our pal, jake bird, to a fla flat earth conference in dallas, texas. here he is, jake bird, with the people who live on a pancake. >> hey, jake right here at the flat earth convention in dallas, texas. i got three flats, so that's a sign. flat, flat, flat,

>> there we go. >> that's the way, right there. that's it. >> look at this. >> yeah, yeah. >> did you have a head injury too? >> no, not yet. >> they're actors, of course. yeah, they all get paid. look at me, mom, floatin' in space. no, you're not, you're liein' to the whole human race. >> i don't think i want to wait around and see if nasa's lying to me or not. i this we already know. >> we're tired of the you can't eat raw chicken and play with raw coyotes. you can't drink pee from the pee that you drank? wouldn't that be more sterile than the first pee? we know something and there's no

such thing as knowing. there's no knowing anything. thank you, ergo. >> mark sergeant was one of the first guys i found when i was waking up. once you go down the rabbit hole, you just know. >> exactly. when you know, you know. can i blow your mind for a second? my mom's sex friend, randall, was over, and i was playing with his record condition. he knocked me right in the mini fridge. when i came up, i was holding one of the records. the shape of the record? flat. guess what record it was? >> i don't know. >> who was the biggest band in 1971? earth wind and fire. and what was their album cover? look at this. a pyramid. the symbol of the illuminati. and who's drummer for earth wind and fire? >> don't know. >> john paris. and what group is from paris?

the templars. and when did the pope kill them? friday the 13th. and who's bad guy in friday the 13th? >> jason? >> freddie. >> freddie. >> and what do you call an apartment in england? >> no idea. >> a flat. and who lives in an apartment in england? what satanist? harry potter. and what month did he go to school to become a satanist? september. and who had the biggest song called september? earth wind and fire. >> i don't know about that. >> and where's my mom's sex friend randall now? >> no idea. >> i think in ft. lauderdale. flat earthers. >> welcome to the flat earth conference 2019. please take your seats. >> i want to bring out to the stage a friend that's very special to me.

mark sergeant. >> mark sergeant, main man. he's the main man. >> you know this works, because the screen will change to googlo earth letters. >> go to settings! >> huh? >> go to settings. >> go to settings. thank you for that. thank you. there it is, perfect. thank you, tech support. all right. my name is mark sergeant, and i'm a proud flat earther. the globe is already dead. they just don't know it yet. long live flat earth. thank you. [ applause ] all right, do we have time for a few questions? yes, you. >> thank you for confronting nasa which everybody knows means

not always telling truths. we all know for a fact that the earth is flat, okay, but is there a general consensus as to how thick it is? because -- >> no. >> say i'm digging a hole because i got to bury a few dogs. am i just dropping a garbage bag full of dogs into outer snpace? >> i don't know how thick is, how deep is the deepest hole? eight miles. if science can't go further than this, we don't have to, either. [ applause ] >> he is awesome. >> this is easier to understand than this. you say that doesn't mean it's right. it's like, isn't it? why not? we believe all sorts of things. the public tends to lean toward the easiest explanation. >> gross, gross, pretty flat earth. quick question. >> no, no. >> how can i talk to my kids about the earth being flat when i can't legally talk to my kids. >> no, i'm doing an interview.

>> you're following him, dude. you keep getting on the side of the interview. >> don't act like i'm stupid. >> why would i think you're stupid? >> don't do that. >> i got a quick question. >> no, oh, my god. no. >> why would the expression daryl hannah fell off the face of the earth exist if the earth wasn't flat? >> interview. interview. i got a press conference after this. thank you. >> you were here smashing a ball. i watched it with my own eyes. >> stay out of the shot. >> i was out of the shot, but are we okay? >> yeah. >> listen. this isn't about saying the earth is flachlt it's about being open minded. >> did you know this guy was controlled opposition when he gave this really stupid question about burying dogs? >> i don't know what controlled opposition means. you've never buried a dog,

scott? what is the sflob. >> i'm asking what name did you register under? i'm just asking you to verify that you are jake. >> illuminati, i'm getting too close to the truth and they want me out. we've been called everything. ill literal. clear evidence that there is broken foster system. what else are we called? many different things. >> i don't have a problem with you being here. >> this bar code, sir, should scan your name. >> okay. go scan it. >> i need to verify with your identification. >> you need a scanner. things are really heating up here at the flat earth convention. >> do you have your identification? >> what does it come up as? >> jake. >> here's my top choice video dvd rental. big ball club. >> you don't have any form of

state identification? >> you know what? if you guys want to kick me out, i'll just go. no, fine, fine. can i get a refund for this? >> that's town this man. >> well, that's it for me! good-bye, stupid round world. check out! [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: i'm convinced. oh, hey, look at tha tha [cheers and applause] thank you, jake, for teaching us. all right. sonts, tonight we have a fun show. music from taylor hawkins and the coattail riders. greta gerwig is here and we'll be right back with rachel brosnahan. so stick ♪ [ applause ] >> dicky: abc's jimmy kimmel live, brought to you by allstate.

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♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: thank you. tonight, she is the creative force behind the new movie "little women." the very talented greta gerwig is here. then, he is a fighter of foo. his new album is called "get the money." taylor hawkins and the coattail riders from the mercedes-benz stage. taylor will be joined by dave grohl on the drums. tomorrow, john cena and rupaul will be here, with music from dermot kennedy. you can't stay, i'm sorry. and on thursday, michael b. jordan, january jones and cigarettes after sex. so please join us then. >> jimmy: our first guest was born in the '90s, plays a stand-up comedian in the '50s, and won an emmy and two golden globes in the '10s.

she plays miriam maisel on "the marvelous mrs. maisel." season 3 is on amazon prime now. please welcome rachel brosnahan. [cheers and ♪ >> jimmy: it's very good to see you. how you doin'? >> great. >> jimmy: you're blond. which one of you is dying your hair? >> she is. >> jimmy: she is. >> she, me, we are one, but she's wearing a wig. >> jimmy: it's very unusual to go from blond in a movie or tv show to brunette. it usually goes the other way around. >> now i'm confused which way we're going. i am blond. i am naturally blond. >> jimmy: same here. >> but i was dying my hair for a very long time. and i wear a wig on the show,

and i have an incredible hair and makeup team who make the wig so seamless that in real life people don't know that i'm really blond and they get somewhat disappointed and confused. >> jimmy: disappointed. >> i am a constant disappointment. >> jimmy: do they look at you and say, i know you from where. >> recently, kevin pollack and i were at an event, and there was a woman who waited in the line, and she not up to the front, and she goes, and i said hi, i'm rachel. it's so nice to meet you. and she goes, you don't look anything like mrs. maisel. i was like, yeah, i'm actor. and she was, you don't look anything like her. and i was like, oh, well we have a great hair and makeup team on the show. and she goes, you don't sound like her, either.

and i kind of went, this is kevin. >> jimmy: kevin, you handle this. she believed kevin was kevin on the show. >> she did. he was very recognizable. i am so glad that the character is so well loved. >> jimmy: it does give you a little freedom you might not otherwise have. >> totally, yeah. >> jimmy: so you were at the golden globes on sunday. you won the last two years in a row. were you disappointed not to win this year? >> no. a, i'm huge, huge fan. and i'm excited for them. also, when you win, it's amazing. that's very exciting and great, but you get kind of whisked off back stage and you don't get to hang out at the table with your friends, and you definitely don't get to drink. so this year i got to drink all night. >> jimmy: oh, you did. >> yeah. it was great. best ever.

yeah. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that definitely works out better. you kind of get abducted and there's a whole bunch of reporters back stage. >> yeah, they don't feed you. they don't let you drink. >> jimmy: but you do get to eat at the golden globes, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: that's one of the big perso perks of the show. >> yeah, you don't have to hide snacks in your purse. >> jimmy: who were you with at this fest. >> i brought my husband. >> jimmy: does he like that sort of thing? >> yeah. yes, mostly yes. we have a good time. especially this year, like i said, we got to drink, but no, it was great. it went off without a hitch. we were, although there was one almost-incident that ended up being okay, but we were all in line, it was a long line, waiting to have our photos taken, and we were chatting it up with amy poehler and the

"morning show" and jason batesman. rami malek was there. we're all hanging out, and rami looked at my husband's bow tie and said hold on, your bow tie is askew, went to fix it and we realized that this clip-on bow tie, because they're easier, had completely fallen apart. and we are like, oh, no, we are inches from having our photo taken. what are we going to do? this is a major crisis. all these famous people are on the floor looking for this clip. >> jimmy: who was on the floor looking for the clip? >> amy was on the floor, rami was on the floor. people say celebrities are mean, kmo hollywood is a toxic place. we felt very supported. >> jimmy: when there's an emergency situation like that, can you really count on mr. robot in that type of scenario. >> rami turns to us, rami finds it and goes, guys, i've got

this. and he did. somehow he mcgcguyered the thin. >> jimmy: do you know snhim? >> we crossed paths a couple times. he was a good person. he didn't want him to look stupid. >> jimmy: what did you do for the holidays? >> we went and visited the families but we had everyone in new york for thanksgiving. >> jimmy: by everyone you mean both your families. >> yes. >> jimmy: does that work okay? they interact well? >> yeah, the best part about my mother-in-law. she's so smart and funny and kind and brave. but the best part about her is that she, she makes me look good in front of my husband. for example. i'm really, really, really terrible at song lyrics,

especially in the classics. >> jimmy: like remembering the song lyrics? >> like i've misheard many lyrics. >> jimmy: give me one. >> you know the song "livin' on a prayer." the real line is ♪ gina works the diner all day but for my whole life until recently, i thought the line was ♪ gina must have died of old age ♪ and it has a totally different meaning. but my mother-in-law makes me look amazing. she takes the cake. we were all out to dinner over thanksgiving in new york, and we're all talking about what we're going to order and someone goes, i think i'm going to have the halibut. and my mother-in-law goes what's that song about hal but thibut. and we're all like, i don't know. and she starts humming, and she

goes hmm, hmm, hmm, and we're like, what song could that be? and it goes on for a really long time. we're just starving. we want to order. and finally, she goes, i have it! it's that song. ♪ ain't no halibut girl ♪ ain't no halibut girl and we were like, thank you. hi, mom. >> jimmy: gwen stephani. did she order the halibut? >> no. she'll never order it again. >> jimmy: more with rachel brosnahan, after this. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by booking-dot-com, a leading digital travel brand that makes it easier for everyone to experience the world.

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why are you mad at me? it's your fault your daughter's a comedian. >> how so? >> you gave her the oompa. >> it was your penis she was talking about on stage, not mine. >> whoops, my mother just said that. >> yeah. >> because penis is a funny word. i learned this about comedians. they say funny words for cheap laughs. if you had a penis. she'd be talking about you, not me. wouldn't you talk about your

mother's penis, if she had one. >> for hours and hours and hours. >> jimmy: well, it's true. absolutely true. that's season three of "the marvelous mrs. maisel". did you shoot that in new york? a lot of people say no, no, we were in bulgaria. >> no, we were in miami for a couple weeks. it would have been awesome if it wasn't like 700 degrees. >> jimmy: you shot there during the summer. >> it was during the summer. >> jimmy: that's bad planning. when you are in a show like this you can't go out and lay on the beach because all of a sudden you're tan suddenly. >> well, i don't really have that problem. no, alex borestein and i might take the cake for the world's palest people in hollywood.

we can't go out in the daytime. >> jimmy: she is always a character whenever you see her do anything. >> she is so funny, and she's also maybe the smartest person i've ever met. she's so funny because she's so smart. well, most of the time. when we were in miami, we talking, we're in miami. we have to go to the beach. obviously, we can't go during the daytime. >> jimmy: like vampires. >> i mean, come on. so we wrapped shooting one night, and we were like, let's go to the beach! this is a great time to go. we got ready, put on our bathing suits and went out onto miami beach. and we out there, and it was really quiet. there was no one on miami beach. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> no. and we were kind of looking at each other, do you think it's cool, is it cool to be on miami beach in the meddle iddle of th night? so we pulled out our phones to

see if it was okay to be where we were. the internet was inconclusive. so we kept going. we got to the water and were like, we should swim. we're never going to get in the water in the daytime. and we got in and we're kind of up to our knees and we're like, is it safe to be on miami beach in the middle of the night and google was inconclusive. the next morning we were talking to some crew members. we got our beach in. we went in the water. and they were like, what? sharks come into the shallow end of the water in the middle of the night and feed. >> jimmy: that's what we learned from "jaws". >> thankfully, we didn't find out, that could have been a sad but also funny headline. >> jimmy: i think we learned from "gremlins." just don't get wet after midnight. don't even take a bath after midnight. >> you're exactly right.

we didn't die, though. we're still here. >> jimmy: the show is great, and you've got season four already ordered. >> jimmy: rachel brosnahan! season 3 of "the marvelous mrs. maisel" is on amazon prime now. we'll be right back with greta gerwig. ♪ [cheers and applause] sprint has great news for you and your family. really great news! you can get both an unlimited plan... (sprintern) ...and the powerful new iphone 11 (paul) ...included for just $35 a month when you switch. (sprintern) whoa. what a deal. (paul) and, sprint has a 100% total satisfaction guarantee. while i think their network and savings are great, you don't just have to take my word for it. try it out and see the savings for yourself. so, take it to 11, with iphone 11 at sprint! for people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay.com. crunoh, who's winning?nd cheesy perfection i'm talking about cheez-it, the perfect cheesy snack to watch the game with. yeah, ya know, i almost went pro but i blew out my knee you don't have any knees, cheese. man... cheez-it. official sponsor of the college football playoff

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with a 3-day 1-park per day ticket. ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. taylor hawkins is on the way. our next guest is a multi-talented oscar and golden-globe nominated director, writer and actor who this year gave birth to a baby boy and a feature film -- all in one push. she is the writer and director of the movie "little women." >> i just feel, i just feel likk women, they have minds. and they have souls as well as just hearts, and they've got ambition, and they've got talent

as well as just beauty, and i'm so sick of people saying that, that love is all a woman is fit for. i'm so sick of it! but i'm, i'm so lonely. >> jimmy: "little women" is in theat theaters now. please welcome greta gerwig. ♪ >> jimmy: congratulations on the movie and the baby, but not in that order, of course. >> yes, baby first. >> jimmy: how old is your son now? >> he is now nine and a half months old. >> jimmy: nine and a half months old. he's been out almost as long as he was in, right? >> yeah. i know. >> jimmy: because it's really ten months they say. >> he's great, you know. >> jimmy: his name's harold? >> his name's harold.

>> jimmy: that's a great baby name. >> great grandfather. it was really hot in 1917 was the name harold. but we brought, we brought him to the pediatrician, and she was like old names are making a come back. not harolds, but other old names. >> jimmy: do you call him harold or do you call him harry? >> we call him harold. >> jimmy: you might as well, you might as well go full-on harold. >> he looks like a harold. >> jimmy: i think all babies at that age look like harold. >> we all look like harold or leonard. >> jimmy: you grow out of harold and then you grow into harold. there's a 65 year span where you're not very harold-y, then you get very harold-y. >> yes, yes. he's going to have to wait to come into his own, but it's going to be amazing. >> jimmy: your partner, the

baby's dad is noah there you guys are on the cover of "the hollywood reporter." it looks a little bit like you just had a fight. >> no. yeah. no, you can't be holding hands, because like, yuck. so i was, like, let's serious and like, we might fight. >> jimmy: and indeed, you look like you are not just might, but in the middle of a fight. so he directed "marriage story". >> yes. >> jimmy: and wrote the movie as well. >> yes. >> jimmy: and the two of you have these craitically acclaime movies that are up for all these other awards. >> i guess in a way, in a way. >> jimmy: not in a way. in. in. >> yes, it's true. >> jimmy: is this driving a wedge between the two of you, as evidenced in this photograph?

>> no. no. although ouiwe did have to chec with each other, because we vote in these things. it had to be, who did you put first? >> jimmy: is that how it works? you rank which one you think is number one? >> that's right. >> jimmy: did you each put the other's movie first? >> nope. [ laughter ] i admire your honesty. the worst case scenario would be you put your movie first and he also put your movie first. >> yes, no, everybody's selfish. >> jimmy: now this is a really, i hope it's not embarrassing to you, but for "hollywood reporter" somebody snapped it and says she took the prize for the first a-lister to take her seat. there you are sitting alone at the golden globe. are you always early to things? >> no, yes, i was two hours early to this.

i was in an empty banquet hall. and i was, belwell because no o i was not nominated. saoirse was nominated, but i was not nominated, but i was there to support noah, and he was doing all this press, and i was just there early. i was in this banquet hall with no one there, then i saw all the members of the hollywood foreign press sort of inside, and they were all like we voted for you, and they were like, you didn't, because i did not get nominated. it's not possible that all of you did. so i sat there alone. then we had a wonderful plant-based meal. and i ate so many people's soups. they were going to take them away before everybody arrived. and i was like, i got to eat all this soup. it's a problem.

so i's a l ate a lot of soup. >> jimmy: what kind of soup was it? >> it was like a butter nut squash thing. it was like something harold eat. it was great. i's a bunch ate a bunch of sou. and a friend texted me that photo because they were following along at home. what's happening? i'm just alone. >> jimmy: thank goodness you have your telephone with you. that is crazy. >> that's right. >> jimmy: the cast, as you mentioned, it's a fantastic cast. when you have a cast, there's nobody above meryl streep. she's the top of the heap. >> streep is the scene. streep at the top of the heap. i'm sure you've been asked many variations of this question. is it the same as directing everyone else in the cast sore it different? >> it's different. she's meryl streep. i feel like when i was directing her and saoirse ronan, jo, an

amazing actress. the two of them together. they were doing a skeechbcene. it was her first day. i was like a parent chaperone at a middle school dance. i was like not the person who needs to be there. i was like, how's it going, guys? do you need any -- okay, i'll be over here by the punch. just you guys. just go for it. >> jimmy: what if meryl decided i'm going to have a spanish accent for this? >> then that's what "little women" would be. >> jimmy: i admire your honesty. >> jimmy: greta gerwig! "little women" is in theaters now. and we'll return with music from taylor hawkins and the coattail riders. ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is

presented by the 2020 g-class. mercedes benz. the best or nothing. when you never lower your standards, only your fares, it's a better class of sale. emirates. fly better.

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.

>> jimmy: i'd like to thank rachel brosnahan and greta gerwig. apologies to matt damon. nightline is next but first, this is his album, "get the money." the song is called "middle child." here with help from david grohl, taylor hawkins and the coattail riders! [ applause ] ♪ ♪ you clean your mess up almost every night your guilty conscience gets a hold of you ♪ ♪ the first one there you never make me wait another perfect daddy daughter date ♪ ♪ but you looked lost when you got home yesterday you came to me and i knew just what to say ♪ ♪ my little twin i am here with you stay close and we will make it through ♪

♪ how i love you middle child i see angels when you smile ♪ ♪ and when i look into your eyes ♪ ♪ i could stay forever with you while the days turn in to night ♪ ♪ while we drift slowly drift to the sky ahh ♪ ♪ you got some questions things are bugging you fact of the matter as a matter of fact ♪ ♪ i feel resistance a lack of inspiration take a suggestion like a slap in the face ♪ ♪ when all you wanted was a slap on the back you never got that slap on the back ♪ ♪ no time is wasted if you seek the truth

you got some questions things are bugging you ♪ ♪ how i love you middle child i see angels when you smile ♪ ♪ and when i look into your eyes ♪ ♪ i could stay forever with you while the days turn in to night ♪ ♪ while we drift slowly drift to the sky ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ how i love you middle child i see angels when you smile ♪ ♪ and when i look into your eyes ♪ ♪ and when i look into your eyes ♪ ♪ i could stay forever with you while the days turn in to night ♪ ♪ while we drift slowly drift to the sky the sky oh the sky ♪

[cheers and applause] tonight, the act of revenge. iranian state tv releasing video of what it says are missiles targeting military bases in iraq that house u.s. troops. days after u.s. drone strike killed a top iranian commander. at u.s. braced for retaliation and deployed 3600 more american troops to the middle east. now the late-breaking details. what this latest provocation means in a heightened crisis. what president trump is saying tonight. iran strikes back, special edition of "nightline" will be right back.