dan ashley. >> ama daetz. for chris alvarez and sandhya patel, thanks for joining us. >> have a great night, see you tomorrow. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, tim allen, from "avenue 5" zach woods, the bachelor, peter weber and music from saint motel. and now let's do this, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice. welcome to the show. i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thanks for watching. thank you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] oh, that's very kind. thank you. today is a day -- it's probably -- it's a day of much self-congratulation here in hollywood. it's oscar nomination day today. this morning the break of dawn

the nominees for the 92nd annual academy awards were revealed. it was a big day for 1917. the year, not the movie. though the movie too. [ laughter ] 19 of the 20 acting nominees are white people. no women were nominated for best director. that's fewer minorities than in donald trump's cabinet. [ laughter ] the movie "cats" got shut out. so no cats were even nominated. actually, universal, the studio that made "cats," pulled the movie from oscar contention. which is always funny. they probably didn't need to do that. [ laughter ] that's like mike pence pulling out of contention for a soul train award. it's unnecessary. double congratulations to scarlett johansson who got her first and second ever nominations today. [ cheers and applause ] for "marriage story" and "jojo rabbit." best supporting actress and best actress. renee zellweger was also nominated for best actress for her role as judy garland in the biopic "judy." which as far as i know does not

exist. no one i know has seen that movie. [ laughter ] and maybe the most surprising best picture nominee was "ford versus ferrari." this is a movie that was apparently so good even matt damon couldn't ruin it. [ laughter ] running a marathon with a medicine ball strapped to your ass. the big winner today with 11 nominations was the comic book movie "joker." it's been a big year for mentally ill clowns already. [ laughter ] and with that said the white house yesterday tweeted their -- this is their late entry for best picture. they wrote, "first snow of the year." you see it's a photo. beautiful photo of snow falling on the white house. which is fine. except there was no snow in washington last night or yesterday. [ laughter ] and in fact, it was 70 degrees according to the national weather service. even their weather is a lie! impeachment will be falling on d.c. this week. the speaker of the house nancy pelosi said she's ready to send the articles of impeachment to the senate. majority leader mitch mcconnell

will then take time to digest them through all five of his stomach chambers. even with damning new evidence coming in all the time on this republicans continue to claim they don't see anything wrong with the way trump handled ukraine. in the same way r. kelly didn't see anything wrong with a little bum. and grind. you know what i'm saying? [ laughter ] the president took a field trip tonight to new orleans for the college football championship game. this is the third college football game trump has been to this season. this is three more games than he ever watched eric or don jr. play. [ laughter ] but the clemson tigers played the lsu tigers at the superdome. the tigers won. as i predicted they would. so trump was at the game tonight. he's been trying to get out in front of friendly crowds lately. on thursday he held a pep himself up rally in tliedo during which he again made the preposterous claim that people think he's better than abraham lincoln. >> they put me in a contest with the late great abraham lincoln. right? so who do you like better?

trump or abraham lincoln? i said abraham lincoln. they say they did a poll on this. i think i remember the numbers. all i know is we won against abraham, honest abe. 53-47. you believe that? >> jimmy: no, i don't. [ laughter ] i don't believe it. maybe it happened but i still don't believe it. but go on. >> i went back to the first lady, i said first lady, i just beat abraham lincoln in a poll. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he called the first lady first lady? [ laughter ] first lady. first lady, come give president daddy a kiss right on the lips. trump also a week after almost running us into a war loudly complained that he didn't win the nobel prize for peace. >> i mean, i'm going to tell you about the nobel peace prize. i'll tell you about that. i made a deal. i saved a country. and i just heard that the head

of that country is now getting the nobel peace prize for saving the country. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, maybe we should blow them up, i guess. i don't know. [ laughter ] so far this week he's taken credit for saving ethiopia and curing cancer. he also landed that plane on the hudson. you remember the media said it was sully sullenberger but i know for a fact it was trump all the way. meanwhile, the vice president -- you know when your grandpa comes to visit you give him a project to keep him occupied so he doesn't get any trouble? for mike pence that project involves rocket ships. >> president trump launched the first new branch of our armed forces in 70 years, the united i states space force has arrived! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: then they put him in a box full of packing peanuts and shipped him home. [ laughter ] you know, in england they are going crazy in england right now

because prince harry and meghan markle have decided to drop out of the royal family. so there was an emergency meeting of the majesties today to discuss this. the queen held a meeting with the whole family at one of her country estates. i would have loved to have been a fly on the cucumber sandwiches for that one, i'll tell you that. this is causing a lot of consternation in the uk. the queen is said to be disappointed and hurt by the decision, which is -- i just don't understand. let me get this straight. the royal family's upset that harry and meghan want to move out and become financially independent. isn't that every parent's dream? [ laughter ] to not have their 35-year-old kid still living with them. speaking of announcements, this is making the rounds. this is from a high school basketball game in minnesota. one of the commentate ov yaiato whatever reason decided it was a good time to eulogize his dog. his dog passed away and he picked the exact right moment to mention it. >> well, there's one more gone but not forgotten and that's our

sweet daisy -- or our sweet lucy. at the age of 12 she was run over -- >> oh, yes! >> -- in our driveway. oh! like that? was she run over like that? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i have a -- i don't know. i have about 100,000 questions about this. why choose that moment to eulogize your dog? you couldn't do it at the half? you're doing play by play for a high school basketball game. who is even watching? is lucy watching from heaven? [ laughter ] going boy, is he ever going to mention me? and then his partner on the broadcast, he doesn't care about lucy at all. lucy must have bit him or something. because i can do an eight-part investigative mini series on this. i'm telling you. this is one i have a lot of questions about too. this is from -- one for the ladies out there who are single and may be looking for a wealthy man. this is a real tweet from a real

japanese billionaire. his name is yusaku meizawa. he says, "wanted. why not be the first woman to travel to the moon?" he's looking for a woman to go with him on the first spacex trip to the moon, which i think makes him the world's richest loser, right? [ laughter ] i mean, i bet an ex-girlfriend told him she wants some space and he took it literally. [ laughter ] i wonder if he'd accept a couple as his companions because this may be an easy way out for harry and meghan. or jared and ivanka maybe. i think it's safe to say that asking a woman to go to the moon with you is a first. and if all this sounds like the premise of a ridiculous reality dating show, that's because if i have my way it will be soon. >> from the creators of "the bachelor" and "the bachelorette" comes a new show that's out of this world. this season, finding love is rocket science. >> i don't know if anyone's ever kissed while floating in space. >> reporter: one eccentric billionaire. >> i am from japan. >> reporter: 12 women who are over the moon for him.

>> you need to risk it for the biscuit and he looks like a really [ bleep ] hot biscuit. >> reporter: can one lucky lady bring him back down to earth? >> we've got a hot tub. >> oh, i didn't see the hot tub. >> this season we're boldly going there. >> emily is not a big drinker smep rarely drinks and when she does she gets drunk off of like half a beer. >> on "the space bachelor." houston, we have a hookup. >> jimmy: i like it. [ cheers and applause ] i would watch it. i say we shoot them all into space. back on earth, this is week two of bachelor peter's amazing journey and the good news is everyone seems to be there for the right reasons. the bad news is the ladies are fighting. there was a showdown tonight between kelsey and hana ann. basically, kelsey brought a bottle of champagne she bought in des moines. she'd been saving it for a special moment. she assumed that moment would be with peter. so she had it all iced ip and ready to go. and then hannah ann resumably by

mistake or more likely she was duped by the producers into opening the champagne with peter, which made kelsey, who really loved this bottle of champagne, very upset. >> you know what? hey. i have to say something. it's not okay what you did. i set this up. i brought this bottle from des moines. don't try to play dumb. >> i didn't know. >> [ bleep ]. you knew. >> i didn't know. tammy just went over here and told me. >> bring tammy here. because this was my -- >> i had no idea. i would have never done that. i had no idea. >> okay. i'm over it. >> kelsey, can i talk to you for a second? >> jimmy: oh, it sounds like such a good idea when you get signed up to be the bachelor and then you meet a'll real champagne in the a like kelsey. then peter tried to make things right. they got another bottle and opened it and it went like this. >> there you go. that had some speed on it. show me what you got.

oh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: boy, you hate to -- they're all made up, dressed up. let's look at that again if we could. let's see. yeah. it's -- in and back on. so kelsey, as you might guess, did not get sent home. peter whittled it down to 19 women tonight. one of the most important skills a bachelor has to have is the ability to end a relationship. so we decided because we like to help to send peter to the grove, which is a lovely mall a few miles away from here. we put him on an escalator and we exposed him to a stream of strangers and encouraged him to break up with them. well, nothing makes perfect like practice. ♪ >> hi. >> hey. i think deep down we both know this is never going to work. so when we get down there i think i'm just going to walk out of this escalator and out of

your life forever. all right? why are you following me? >> i just feel like we've shared so much in these last three seconds. >> what? okay. >> it's been like an amazing journey for me. >> okay. and i want you to know that. but i think i'm going to have to let you go now. so. >> okay. >> i never felt so close to someone before. >> yeah. i don't want to be here. >> didn't our love mean anything to you? >> are you here for the right reasons? >> i think i want to start riding with other people. >> just so you know, it's not you. it's me. but also you a little bit.

>> you heading down, sir? we can ride together. are you here for the right reasons? >> don't speak english. [ laughter ] >> communication has always been with us. >> this -- this has been amazing. like our love has been amazing. just our relationship in general has been amazing to me. the look he just gave me. see you escalator. okay? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight on the show we've got music from saint molt. zach woods is here. and we'll be right back with tim allen! ♪ >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by progressive.

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back to the show. tonight from the brand new hbo comedy show "avenue 5" zach woods is here with us. then this is their e.p. it's called "the original motion picture soundtrack: part 1." saint motel from the mercedes-benz stage. and i feel i should mention that you can see saint motel live january 24th at the observatory in santa ana. tomorrow night, allison janney and ilana glazer will be here. with music from scary pool party. and later this week, newly minted oscar nominees charlize theron, florence pugh, and al pacino, from "succession" golden globe winner brian cox, comedian todd glass and music from nicky jam featuring daddy yankee. so please join us for all of that. our first guest tonight is a

golden globe-winning actor with a wildly successful career that was built on nail guns and ray guns. his show "last man standing" airs thursday nights on fox. please welcome tim allen. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how are you? >> oh, god. pretty good after all that. what a band! >> jimmy: thank you. that's cleto and the cletones. may i ask a personal question just to get started? >> looks like it's going to go anyway. what do you want? >> jimmy: does your wife ever give you a massage? [ laughter ] >> why is that funny? [ laughter ] but it is creepy guillermo's

massage. i was back there going -- no, she doesn't. >> jimmy: well, guillermo just told me his wife gives him a massage once every two months and i found that almost -- >> you want to see it? >> jimmy: well, yeah, i want to city it because i don't believe it's really happening. i don't believe she's putting her heart into it either. >> you want to go see some other guy get a massage from his wife. that's just creepy right there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i want us to go see another guy get a massage from his wife. a close friend. >> you invite me it turns it around, i'm all in baby. >> jimmy: you know you're here on "bachelor" monday. >> i was informed of that. >> jimmy: do you watch "the bachelor"? >> oh, can't get enough of it. i just kept thinking in a room with 30 women initially, how do you even figure out who's who without badges? i mean, how do they know who's no? >> jimmy: no idea. >> i think i watched the first season. the only reality tv i do is for gags. i watch auto shows where they build cars. and then a buddy of mine saw

"naked and afraid." and the reason i watch that is i said is there ever a point that his job is to blur out men's sacs? that's his job? [ laughter ] so he says it's hour after hour of this. >> jimmy: that's how he does it? >> well, there's dials. >> jimmy: and i'm the weirdo? >> it's older equipment. but you've got to roll by these scenes, just nut sac after nut sac after nut sac. and i asked him, john, does tfr get to the point you actually say -- people get used to everything, right? do you ever go, well, yeah? of all of the nut sacs you see do you finally go not a bad one? [ laughter ] from this angle do you ever go -- he goes, yeah, i do. he'll bring other guys in. hey, guys. paul. look at the guy walking up the hill. not bad, huh? they turn over equipment a lot. people don't stay there. >> jimmy: that seems like a job that when you get thank you go

oh, wow, this will be fun. i get to watch all the naked people all the time. >> he says the most impressive guys, if you can see it while he's walking away. and i said i never thought about it but think about it. [ laughter ] if you see it -- if he's walking away you go, man, now that would be a problem sitting down. [ laughter ] the ugliest stuff ever invented. god must have been out of the room for that. >> jimmy: i like to imagine a universe in which there's another show but on that show they're blurring everything but the nut sac. [ laughter ] >> yes, it is. it's on history channel. it's called scrotunus. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> it's very new. >> jimmy: have you ever done a nude scene in a film or -- >> no. i think it's funny about nude scenes because nancy travis, who plays my wife on "last man standing." thursday on fox, owned by abc now i think. >> jimmy: yes. we own everything now. >> disney owns you and everything. when women are in this business,

men don't get it that much. could you do one with your top off? that's our joke on our set. just do one -- like sometimes the writers go just do one as written. i go no, if i do it as written then you'll use it. they also say women just do one -- she says she got asked that a lot early in her career when they don't know to say no. we're not going to use it. just one with your top off. i was thinking did that ever go back in history? like david and michelangelo. the statue guy. did michelangelo ever get there, hey, dave. david, right? could we do one without the tunic? [ laughter ] why would you want -- we're not going to use it. because i want to get the shape of the buttocks area. but it's really cold here, michael. he goes yeah, i can see that. we're going to have to -- but it's not like we're going to use it and put it into a church or anything. >> jimmy: or put it in caesars palace. >> yeah, we're not going to put it in caesars palace sitting

there with the thing there. >> jimmy: you got -- "toy story 4" got two oscar nominations today. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: best animated feature. best song. >> i saw you and your little boy at the premiere. >> jimmy: that's right. >> it was the most exciting movie because hanks and i are close buddies because of this. real sad at the end. i don't know if you've seen it, "to infinity and beyond." but great movie. it was so great to reboot it. and it got better and better. it's sad. but too much of keanu reeves. i've got to be honest with you. >> jimmy: i disagree. >> that kaboom character was pretty funny, right? >> jimmy: very funny. >> and i didn't like that. >> jimmy: oh. >> and he was cooler than buzz at a point. and the writers go yeah, but he's only this big. oh. the toy is this big. so we go see a premiere. keanu and i. >> jimmy: where did you go to? >> we saw that premiere. they wanted us to see it. i hadn't seen it. he shows up, i'd just finished "wick 3." >> jimmy: watching it. >> yeah. 700 murders in a minute. i'd never seen more murders.

he calls it a ballet of violence. what does that mean? but he's sitting next to me, he's dressed, he looks just like wick. he's got this beard and this hair and the same fricking clothes. a little creepy. and he's doing a toy movie, satellite so i go into this whole thing, keanu, here's what i would do if i was in the movie, if i was one of the villains i'd say hey, look, let's keep him out of enclosed spaces. like wick, you don't want to get him in a factory or god knows a bar. because that's where he shot like 7,000 people in a minute. what i would do is wait till you come out of your house because you have a little dog you walk. i'd ab cross the street with a big rifle and i'd just pick you off coming out of the house. he doesn't even blink. he goes, "wick would know you were there." [ laughter ] yeah. he's the nicest guy in the world, too. which i hate. nothing not to like about him. >> jimmy: speaking of nicest guys in the world i know you do something every year with a group of fellow comics at the laugh factory. >> yeah. >> jimmy: where you guys feed

the homeless and people who are less fortunate, people who need a meal at the holidays. did you do that this year? >> do it every year. jamie masada, done this for 30 years. it's great. number one, it's great to pal around with the guys that used to work at the laugh factory, still work there. you get people, hundreds. my wife and i go with our kids. i've got some nevenews and nieces that all go and i'm on the light meat, she's on the dark meat. i don't want to get politically. there's just a part of the turkey that's darker meat and happens to be a part of the turkey with lighter meat. but anyway you get people in there -- at the end of the night you've got to be on stage. jamie goes go up and do a few jokes. i've got an apron on made out of plastic with gloves and i'm doing bits to homeless people. so everything is annoying. i go, so i'm in my house -- well, we have a house. i'm driving to work -- well, i have a car. you know, i have a car. or work. but out of nowhere you get people -- a guy comes through the line, he comes through like six times. you want some more turkey? anything you want. he goes, do you have an agent?

yeah. state farm? i make my joke. no, an agent agent! yeah. i go easy, pal. he goes i've got a script. right away he's got a script. he said this is homeless, not jobless. he came by like six times. now he's -- you've got to have? connections in this business! >> jimmy: oh, no. >> across the street the starbucks i go there all the time, there's a homeless guy there, i feed him. he shows up at coldwater behind another starbucks, comes out from a dumpster same guy. how did you get over there? he's uncomfortable because he remembers my face, i remember his face. he says hey, i don't want any more tomato business basil, don't do that. another starbucks i dgo in the guy's going ballistic in there, f, this f that. b word, c word. he's screaming at the staff. f bomb, bomb. every word. and i'm trying to get by like this. and he stops and goes, "hey! love your new show."

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: tim allen is here. his show is called "last man standing." we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] burrito. raw kitfo. fried shiso. french fry. iced chai.

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>> jimmy: we are back with tim allen. zach woods and saint motel are on the way. >> that dude's got to calm down. you're going to hurt yourself. all that screaming.

you got to see this crowd, people at home. they get lit up. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there's a lot of enthusiasm here. speaking of enthusiasm and speaking of screaming, do you know about this guy? there's a guy, his name is malcolm. >> oh, the grunting kid. >> jimmy: yes. the grunting kid. now, i think it's best to let malcolm explain what he's up to for himself. here we go. >> i was making a video to announce my new series i'm doing called "tim allen grunt every day." where i make a video of myself doing a tim allen grunt every day until tim allen recognizes me and does a grunt of his own. >> jimmy: you saw by the date that's almost three years ago. this guy has made like 1,000 videos. let's look at some of what he's done. >> [ grunts ].

>> [ various grunts ]. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i feel like -- and honestly i think you can handle this any way you want. >> with a security guard. >> jimmy: i feel like there's no end to this for this poor bastard. now that he's committed to, it this could go on to his senior years. so would you be willing to give him the grunting acknowledgment he has been seeking? [ cheers and applause ] >> as long as there are witnesses here when it goes bad you end up in court. mr. kimmel, what were you thinking when you brought this guy to tim's house? >> jimmy: i don't know. we were just on the way to watch guillermo get a massage. >> what's his name? >> jimmy: his name's malcolm. >> so malcolm. oh, oh, oh. oh, oh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: malcolm, i hope that ends it. you can now get on with your life. you can find a spouse, maybe

have a family. [ laughter ] and who knows? maybe even a job would be nice. >> that would be good. >> jimmy: tim allen, everybody! "last man standing" airs thurgs nights 8:00 on fox. we'll be right back with zach woods. being a person is complicated. but we figure it out. in fact, people are always doing impressive things. so how come all these people who do wildly challenging things feel like they can't do their taxes? we're talking about a bunch of baby-birthing, office-disco-ing, zero-gravity-toothbrushing, late-night-chainsaw-sculpting, dog-walking people. we believe people can be good at anything. yes, even taxes. intuit. turbotax. yes, even taxes.

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>> dicky: and now cisco presents a "jimmy kimmel live" celebrity run-in of the night. >> hello. i'm cameron. i'm from orange, california. so this happened a few years ago. we were driving down the street and we stopped at a red light and my cousin starts screaming look, look, look. and in the car next to us it's mick jagger. so we asked for his photo. we go, mick jagger, can we take your photo? and the woman in the car next to us she giggles a little bit and mick throws up the peace sign. we snap a photo and we go on our way. later that evening we're happily showing our family the picture and my uncle goes this is not mick jagger. this is steven tyler. [ laughter ] still nice to meet him. i guess. >> dicky: we don't believe you.

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kids enjoy the magic for just $67 per child per day, with a 3-day 1-park per day ticket. >> jimmy: welcome back. still to come, music from saint motel. you know our next guest from "silicon valley" and "the office" and now he stars with hugh laurie and josh gad in the new comedy "avenue 5." it premieres sunday night on

hbo. please welcome zach woods. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how are you? >> i'm good. how are you? >> jimmy: i'm good. you're so funny on "the office" and "silicon valley." which is one miof my favorite shows. >> yeah. i'm sad about that. >> jimmy: we both are. probably you more than me. >> yeah. it was my livelihood. >> jimmy: this turned very dark all of a sudden. on that last day with the gang there did you say, do you guys promise to keep in close contact and then not? >> yeah. there's a lot of sentimental pledges that are already being violated. >> jimmy: oh, by the way, i do want to mention kumail nanjiani,

who i think is going to be here next week, your co-star, your friend. >> yeah. i love him. >> jimmy: he is now very fit, very muscular. this is not -- i'm not kidding. when i saw he posted this photograph i thought he glued his head onto somebody else's body. [ laughter ] >> it looks like it. have you ever been to the logo state fair and there are wooden cutouts where it's like a body and you just put your head on top. it does look like that. it's weird because i'm sort of a huggy guy and i hug those guys all the time and hugging kumail, it's so weird to feel somebody's body one way and then hug them -- it's like -- it's like if you had a teddy bear and you were used to just hugging the teddy bear and one day that teddy bear was replaced with like a tightly packed pack of like frozen hot dogs. [ laughter ] like what's that? his wife said something about like he has corners now. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: would you ever do something for a film? would you ever get into -- >> no. >> jimmy: -- what they call kimmel shape, i guess? [ laughter ] >> kimmel out. no, i would never kimmel out. i think i view my body as just basically a shelf for my head. and i can't -- i'm so easily injured. i try to do inner work, though. i'll work on myself. >> jimmy: inner workouts? >> yeah. that's right. i go to therapy. >> jimmy: okay. >> that's my gym. and i've also just been to every kind of quack healer on the face of the planet. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. i was working in london and i went to see a shaman. i don't know if you've ever done that before. >> jimmy: nope. >> don't recommend it. i laid down on the massage table and she waved a hawk's feather over me. my eyes were shut. and then i heard a noise and i opened them and she had the hawk's feather like this and she was looking at her phone. she'd gotten a text message and was checking it as she sort of

haphazardly was waving the hawk's feather. then she told me that in a past life i was an angry woman. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. that's pretty broad. >> nothing more specific. i was like do you have any more information? no. she goes, you were a woman and you were mad. [ laughter ] and then i went to a hypnotist. >> jimmy: okay. >> i just want to say -- >> jimmy: hypnotism, i wouldn't put that in the category of shamanism or whatever's going on there, right? >> well, i think there's a legitimate form of hypnotism. it's not the form i encountered. >> jimmy: what form did you encounter? >> she did this thing where she was like i'm going to do your hypnotism but i'm going to do it through headphones. had me lie down. headphones. and did the hypnotism through a microphone so i could listen to it in the future and be hypnotized. so she put on these wave signs and i start to feel very relaxed and she goes, "as i couldn't down from 10 you'll feel yourself slipping deeper, deeper." and she goes, "10, 9" -- and

then the wave sounds cut out because she had like a tech glitch on her computer. and i just heard through the headphones she goes, "oh, [ bleep ]." she goes, "[ bleep ]." like at 8. and then she goes -- she goes we'll fix it in post. >> jimmy: wow. and did you go home and listen to it? >> no. >> jimmy: did it have any positive effect? >> no. because she charged me $900. >> jimmy: what? >> i didn't know that. and i was too like ashamed of the whole thing. i was just like, take it. >> jimmy: where did you grow up? where are you from? >> i'm from yardley, pennsylvania. which is like -- yeah. >> jimmy: there's no way. >> there's no way. jfr >> jimmy: i heard pennsylvania. >> just a collection of liars. [ laughter ] yeah, it's right on the delaware river across from trenton, new jersey. >> jimmy: what are they famous for? just you or anything else? >> have you ever seen that famous picture of washington

crossing the delaware and there's that ice? george washington. >> jimmy: of course. >> that happened very near to where i grew up. and every year at christmas it was -- on christmas washington crossed to fight the hessians at trenton. and every christmas they re-enact that. and it's a big deal. and there's these guys, they're very strin jengent of the stand of like historical authenticity. so i went one year, and when you drive by you see these guys who have been rejected because they're not authentic enough. so you'll see like all these guys who are wearing like, you know, deer skin frocks and have muskets but they're wearing like new balance sneakers. [ laughter ] and just like sadly like checking their phones on the side. and if it's too -- if the river is frozen, they don't go across the river. they just carry the boat across a bridge. which i think is a little bit of a copout. >> jimmy: yeah. if you can't accept new balance

sneakers, you certainly shouldn't be dragging the boat. >> that's right. and because washington is always played by an old man i think they die fairly often or at least retire. so they have to be replaced. >> jimmy: i see. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and is it an honor, the town choose -- >> yeah. it's a big deal. i hope it's like a really sleazy process like smoke-filled back rooms. >> jimmy: do you ever you will ever be a part of it? have you been a part of it? as the most prominent actor from their town certainly you should be george washington. the father of our country. >> i think i'm of more a sort of starved abe lincoln. [ laughter ] but i've never done a re-enactment. the closest i did is a friend invited me to a ren fair once. he said we're going in garb. i said i don't know what that means but i think we're supposed to wear a costume. i didn't have time so i went to a costume shop and bought a wizard costume. and i put it on to go to the ren fair but then i got lost. and i'm not a good driver. and i got in a small accident

and i ended up on a traffic island and if someone had looked over they would have just seen me in a wizard outfit in a subaru crosscheck like rifling through my glove compartment for my insurance with like a brene brown audio book xwlaft iblasti. >> jimmy: it's like a goiko commercial they cut. >> yes. that's right. that's very funny. >> jimmy: so you are on this new show "avenue 5." which is written by armando eye nuchi. he's the creator of the show and "veep" as well. another fantastic show. >> he's amazing. >> jimmy: and i love the idea of this show. >> the show takes place 40 years in the future and it's about a luxury space cruise that gets knocked off course. and very quickly civilization on the ship sort of disintegrates. it's almost like a gilligan's island if it turned into a lord of the flies in space. it's one of those shows. >> jimmy: are you a space guy? are you interested in that kind

of stuff? >> no. i'm not especially interested. like but my father, who grew up during the space race, for him when he talks about space it's like he turns into a little boy. he loves it so much. and when i was little he did this thing. in our attic there was this closet and he put glow in the dark stars on the roof of the closet and then he rigged the switchboard with lights so that if you turned a switch a light would go on and there was all these lights. and he put headphones in there so that i could put on the headphones. and he would be outside with a microphone and he would be like mission control. and we would play these space games. and i would just like to take this chance now on national tv to say, why didn't you just take me to chuck e. cheese? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, that's one way of looking at it. >> i mean, jimmy, they have skee-ball there. why do i have to play in n. some

manmade monument to his love? >> jimmy: my dad used to give me a hefty bag and we'd cut weeds. are you sure your dad's not a stoner? that sounds very stony to me. you might want to go through his stuff. >> he heard about some -- they were taking volunteers for a one-way mission to mars, which is just like you head off to mars and the expectation su never come back. and he was like, i'd do that. >> jimmy: really? >> and i was like what are you talking about? i don't want to look at the night sky and be like i wonder if my dad's there. >> jimmy: well, there's a japanese billionaire i'd like to introduce him to. it's very good to see you. i can't way wait to see the new show. it's called "avenue 5." it premieres sunday at 10:00 on hbo. zach woods, everybody. we'll be right back with saint motel. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by the 2019 a-class.

mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.

>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.

>> jimmy: i want to thank everyone who participated in tonight's show. apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next. but first, this is their album "the original motion picture soundtrack: part 1." here with e song "van horn," saint motel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ooh ooh ooh ohh ♪ ♪ thug life baby it chose me i didn't choose this city uh-huh ♪ ♪ walk right over you're a ten i'm a four-leaf clover well tell me ♪ ♪ do you hate me or do you wanna date me it's kinda hard to tell 'cause your eyes ♪ ♪ are looking crazy so why you coming over anything but sober lookin like ♪ ♪ it's time tonight

for fight or flight in van horn well hold it steady ♪ ♪ drill it in like you're j. paul getty uh-huh smith and wesson ♪ ♪ takin shots that'll keep you guessing well tell me do you hate me ♪ ♪ or do you wanna date me it's kinda hard to tell 'cause your eyes are looking crazy ♪ ♪ so why you coming over anything but sober lookin like it's time tonight ♪ ♪ for fight or flight in van horn ooh whacha gonna do ♪ ♪ van horn whacha gonna do ooh ooh ♪ ♪ ooh ooh

ooh well tell me do ♪ ♪ you hate me or do you wanna date me it's kinda hard to tell 'cause your eyes ♪ ♪ are looking crazy so why you coming over anything but sober lookin like ♪ ♪ it's time tonight for fight or flight in van horn ooh ♪ ♪ whacha gonna do van horn whacha gonna do ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

this is "nightline." >> tonight. bucking tradition. the royal deal. after that stunning announcement by prince harry and wife duchess meghan. what may have driven the couple away. and from one brother to another their response to rumors of a relationship turned sour. plus, modern baby. never too shy. amy schumer bringing home the hardship of infertility and shining a spotlight on ivf. a reality faced by millions of people across the world. as we follow one couple's emotional ivf journey. >> fortunately, i don't have to deliver any bad news because you are pregnant. >> reporter: and happy