>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- kumail nanjiani, sting, this week in unnecessary censorship, and a performance from sting's musical "the last ship." and now, by all means, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching it. thank you for coming to see it. i tell you something. i've been watching tv all day, i watch a lot of cable news, i know everything, i'll tell you everything you need to know. i'm about to save you a lot of time. spend that time however you like, it's yours and you're welcome. today was day two of the democrats' three-day opening

argument in the senate. the senators as you may have heard are basically prisoners, they're not allowed to leave the chamber. and they are only permitted to drink water or milk. [ laughter ] which i have to say i find disgusting. to me there are few things more revolting than an adult drinking milk. it's gross, i don't like it. these are long days for the senators. many of them are reported to be restless. they were standing at their desks, walking around. rand paul had a crossword puzzles. a few of them had fidget spinners. i don't know where they got fidget spinners, maybe from 2017. the senators are required to stay in their seats the whole eight hours. they're allowed limited beverages, limited snacks. it's like a flight to new zealand in there. for the most part they appear to be paying attention. i mentioned this last night because the senate is in control of the cameras, not the news media, so we have to rely on

courtroom sketches to show us what's going on on the sides. this is a sketch from today, yesterday. this is senator marco rubio. taking notes with a quill pen. [ laughter ] i think he may be taking the founding fathers thing too seriously. he may show up in a wig tomorrow. house democrats led by adam schiff went through a mountain of evidence today. i challenge anyone who actually watched this today to argue they shouldn't hear from witnesses. it's nuts. they have everything. this is open and shut. when is a problem for fox news. because it is impossible for them to defend. so instead of even trying, instead they're going with the old "it's boring" defense. >> when you watch this, it's boring. i think it's super boring. no one's going to watch the entire thing because it is boring, it will make you fall asleep. >> they are boring people to death. >> this is really boring. >> monotonous, full, boring. >> i fell asleep. >> i think the american people are really bored with this. >> boring politicians with bad

hairc haircuts. >> mind-numbingly dull. >> good luck staying awake. >> jimmy: have these people watched any congressional hearing ever? they're all boring. next week watch the world transportation initiative hearing and get back to us on how boring this one was. democrats spent most of the day debunking the various conspiracy theories manufactured by the president and his friends. then on saturday the president's lawyers will get to work rebunking those that have been debunked. in the meantime the president himself is taking matters into his own little thumbs. he tweeted eight times in 20 minutes this morning. i wish trump's twitter account worked like when you log into online banking, you can only do it three times before they lock you out. yesterday he broke his all-time record with tweets for 142. according to "time" magazine as of november he tweeted 266,000 words since he's been president, more than a harry potter book.

and more fictional than a harry potter book. there are believe it or not some republicans who -- [ cheers and applause ] who oppose this president. this is an ad produced by a group of conservative republicans who support impeachment. they're trying to make their case by showing us how it will be perfectly fine if we had president pence instead. >> mike pence doesn't brag about sexually assaulting women. mike pence doesn't pressure foreign governments into investigating his political rivals. >> ukraine should start an investigation into the bidens. >> mike pence doesn't mock and make fun of people with handicap. >> you ought to see this guy, i don't know what i said! >> jimmy: mike pence better hope donald trump doesn't see that commercial or mike pence is going to have donald trump's foot up his oval orifice. but i do love thinking about that. if some kind of miracle happens and these senators do the right

thing and remove the president from office, which they won't, if they did, would they actually have to remove him physically from his office? what if he won't leave? will they drag him out and put all his stuff to the left to the left? [ applause ] if that was happening where would mike pence be? hiding in the back of a van outside? [ laughter ] waiting for the coast to clear? would there be hair pulling? i mean, don't you want to remove him just to see that? come on, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] so the vice poodle was in israel today where he appeared to be on the receiving end of a royal snub consideratesy of prince charles. >> jimmy: i guess charles is in charge after all, huh? so after the video began to circulate, pence's team claimed the reason they didn't shake hands is because they had already said hello backstage.

also since they are the two whitest people in the world, there was some fear by touching they would cancel each other out. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: we don't know that much about mike pence. i found out he has a brother named greg last week. if he becomes president we'll know everything. suddenly he'd become the most talked about person in the country. to get a head start on that we put together a video that illustrates beyond a reasonable doubt mike pence, not only is he our vice president, he is also a world-class nose breather. [ breathing heavily through nose ] >> i'm starting to get a whiff of desperation. >> jimmy: yeah. that's true. [ cheers and applause ]

that's about it. more bad news from washington today where a group of scientists this morning advanced what is known as the doomsday clock. you know about this? this is a clock that reminds us of how close we are to annihilation. >> today the bulletin of the atomic scientists moves the hands of the doomsday clock. it is 100 seconds to midnight. >> jimmy: oh my god, someone stole three-quarters of the clock. [ laughter ] what? why is that the clock? why don't they have a whole -- it's more like a doomsday speedomet speedometer. why is it still analog? no one can read it. switch to doomsday digital. 100 seconds from midnight. in the 73 years they've been doing this the closest we've been to the end of the world. that's supposed to wake us up. the announcement was so boring, they didn't need -- they had a block thing on it. they really need to punch this up. >> today the bulletin of the atomic scientist moves the hands

of the doomsday clock. it is 100 seconds to midnight. ♪ >> jimmy: that's better, right? it feels like the end is near now. these guys need help with this. if you want to raise awareness of the fact that we are on the verge of extinction, you have to do more. like why not make it a live television event? >> this friday it's the party we knew was coming. the crowd is ready! dick clark's ryan seacrest rocking doomsday eve. with performances by post malone, kelsey billioner reenie, kim jong-un, ciara, bts, dua li lipa, the new deadly virus from china. as the clock strikes midnight, the ball drops on everyone. dick clark's jenny mccarthy ryan seacrest rocking doomsday eve only on abc. followed by "bachelor in hell." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right.

well. sounds like that's the show. the department of transportation is cracking down on comfort animals. these comfort animals everybody has now, they're proposing new rules that would ban all service animals on flights with the exception of dogs. so sounds like my emotional support tarantula, mr. hairy legs, will not be joining us in orlando this summer. but i am fine with this. unless your name is noah, you don't need to travel with a machine naujry of animals on board if you want to bring a service animal on the plane, i think they have to literally be able to provide a service. like can your support pony make a bloody mary? okay, then he's in. tell that cook ka teal to grab me some peanuts on his way back. dogs are different though. everything is so horrible lately. this constant barrage of accusations and lies, it's exhausting. we're all tired of it. once in a while something wonderful comes along that reminds us it's all going to be

okay. this case that something is baby yoda dog. right? instagram is fun, but nothing beats a live performance. with that said we've tracked him down. ladies and gentlemen, we are delighted to bring you the viral sensation, in person, baby yoda dog! wow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: look at that. very cute, right? which one of is baby yoda dog? >> guillermo: him, jimmy. >> jimmy: okay. here, baby yoda dog, value treat for you. look at that, isn't that cute? it eats treats and everything. all right. well there you go. thanks for making everyone happy again, baby yoda dog. [ cheers and applause ] go back to your planet. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> jimmy: i do want to say thanks to road dogs and rescue.org for bringing baby yoda dog here to brighten our lives again. it's thursday night. i have dog spit on my fingers. it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not. it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> i want to begin by thanking you, chief justice, for a very long [ bleep ]. >> you changed attorneys? >> i [ bleep ]ed him in jail. >> i don't know what to say, i'm going to take this home and make sweet love to it through my [ bleep ]. >> some areas will get about 5 inches of snow, which will then be followed by ice and [ bleep ]ing rain. >> the national weather service in miami last night issued a [ bleep ]ing iguana alert. >> secretary clinton said [ bleep ]. what's your response to that?

>> on a good day my wife [ bleep ]s me. >> what consistency do you like your [ bleep ] to be? >> thick. >> a lot of people like thick [ bleep ]. >> if you [ bleep ] me i'll come. >> i'm soon to be starring in the last [ bleep ]. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we've got a good show. sting is here with us. we will be right back with kumail nanjiani. shishito. burrito. raw kitfo. fried shiso. french fry. iced chai. tasty. pad thai. baked pie. half stack. taco pack. lobster mac. baby back. pork chop. soda pop. kebab. soursop. hot pot. i'm hungry now. noodle soup. cantaloupe. ice cream scoop. whipped cream bloop. dumpling. chicken wing. peking.

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♪ >> jimmy: we got saxophones

going, all kinds of stuff tonight. tonight, the musical he wrote and stars in is called "the last ship." it is playing right now at the ahamanson theater. sting is here to chat and sing from the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] it does not get any better -- oh, by the way, if you're looking for a real turner this lady's on the back of the magazine too. next week -- oh, yeah. next week, we have new shows with magic johnson, jessica simpson, oscar nominee renee zellweger, oscar nominee cynthia erivo, ben schwartz, lakeith stanfield, curtis "50 cent" jackson, and music from charlie wilson, orville peck, caroline polacheck and kelsea ballerini, plus an all nfl edition of mean tweets and guillermo is going to miami to talk to all the players for his annual chat with the super bowl -- >> guillermo: yeah, media day on monday. >> jimmy: media day, thank you for clearing that up, guillermo, so do join us for that. [ cheers and applause ] are you excited for that?

>> guillermo: yeah, very excited. >> jimmy: you like doing that, that's a highlight every year. >> guillermo: everybody's looking forward to that. >> jimmy: is your wife looking forward to being out of town? >> guillermo: no, but i am. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an emmy and oscar-nominated actor, writer and stand-up comic with a new show called "little america" on apple tv plus, and a body that won't quit. please say hello to kumail nanjiani. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i see it now. >> hi, you do? >> jimmy: i can see that you're ripped. the last time i saw you you were not, now you are. >> it didn't happen overnight. >> jimmy: i guess it didn't, you had to do exercise and that sort of thing. >> that's the biggest problem with it. no, the biggest problem is once you get there, you don't stop exercising. >> jimmy: right. >> i wish it was a video game

where you could hit save, all right, now i look like this every day. >> jimmy: you have to keep it up now. you know what, you've gone too far what is has happened. i tell you, when i saw -- because i follow you on twitter. i saw the photograph. and i thought, honestly, i thought you were making fun of donald trump. because he had posted a photo of his head on like sylvester stallone's body. and i saw it, oh, that's funny, and i kind of kept going. then i started reading all these stories, oh my god, kumail's body. i'm like, they found kumail's body? [ laughter ] it became a worldwide viral sensation, your body. >> yeah. super weird, man. it was a weird couple days. >> jimmy: i have the photograph here in case you haven't seen it. >> oh my god. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is the part that's absolutely ridiculous. it's like -- >> yeah.

it's actually the streets to lead to my home that i grew up in. [ laughter ] that's the map. >> jimmy: i did not know veins went in that direction, i thought they only went this way, i had no idea. >> i think i messed up my veins by working out. those aren't going anywhere. where are those going? shouldn't they be going to the heart? aren't they supposed to go to the heart? >> jimmy: they are supposed to, they're lost veins. take me through this photograph. who took the photograph, first of all? >> so the train history trained me for this, his buddy took the photo. >> jimmy: okay. >> what happened was, so we -- this was right before christmas. shooting this movie. >> jimmy: "eternals." >> a marvel movie coming up called "eternals." [ cheers and applause ] they're already -- they're already fans. >> jimmy: i'll just look at it myself. >> it was like the week before

christmas. and i was like, i don't know if i'm ever going to look like this again, who knows what i'm going to look like after christmas. so i was like, i want to take a picture. just so i have it. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> as soon as i saw the picture i was like, the world must see this. [ laughter ] and so i was shooting. i was on set shooting. and i just put it on my instagram. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> then i checked an hour later. and it was like, fine, some likes, i was like, cool. then i checked again. and it had exploded on my twitter. i was scrolling. and it was just like, torso, torso, torso, torso. it was like over and over and over. it really got out of control. >> jimmy: it did. it was shocking to people. you didn't give us any warning that this was going to happen. >> well, i -- you know -- it's -- it was covered a lot. the story that i didn't like was a lot of people would do like two side by side pictures. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> can you believe this turned into this?

[ laughter ] and it's just a picture of me from a year and a half ago, looking how i've looked my entire life. >> jimmy: you find out what people really think of you. >> yeah, they're like, can you believe this garbage-looking sea monster turned into this? like was i like leaving a trail of slime behind me? >> jimmy: maybe so, maybe so. >> i was normal looking. >> jimmy: what did your parents think about this, your family? >> so it exploded, right? i didn't know -- it exploded. i freaked out. i called my brother. i was like, are they upset, what's going on? and my brother said, dad has already sent your naked pics to both family whatsapp groups. >> jimmy: oh. >> both of them. then it got in newspapers in pakistan. and so i had all my aunts texting me pictures of myself, like, so proud of you, so proud of you, son. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow.

>> it's weird to have your aunts sending you naked pictures of yourself. >> jimmy: yeah. >> anything but shame. >> jimmy: usually that stops when you turn 3, you know? >> yeah. they were like, wow, well done. >> jimmy: so tell me about, and i'm sure you're tired of talking about this. >> no i'm not, i'll talk about it, i'm very excited to talk about it. >> jimmy: you must -- because you really did -- i mean, this is ridiculous. dwayne johnson weighed in on your body, right? >> yeah, dwayne "the rock" johnson. >> jimmy: that's, you know, that's a big compliment. >> yeah, he said -- he said, dense muscle is hard to achieve, my brother. he thinks my muscle is dense! [ laughter ] i don't know how he could see that. because that's like dense -- he didn't touch me or anything. >> jimmy: is that a thing even? is there a density? i didn't know muscles were denser than others. >> i didn't know but if the rock says it who knows better? i think it would be hilarious if

you touched the rock and all his muscles are super soft. >> jimmy: i've touched him, he's not soft at all, there's no softness. >> yeah, he's like this. >> jimmy: like banging against mt. rushmore or something. as far as diet goes, have you gone back off the wagon? >> i finished -- i got back day before yesterday. and i honestly like -- the hardest -- you work out every day, you sort of learn to enjoy it. but i -- the diet is the hardest thing. i have not had pizza or a doughnut in over a year! >> jimmy: no sugar. >> no -- no -- i've had no refined sugar in a year. i've had almost no carbs at all. i basically -- you know what my snack is? you know what my snack has been that i tell people -- i tell people like, actually, it's not bad. you know what my snack is? i get a bag of sugar snap peas and i eat them! that's what i've been doing at night, i'm a little hungry, i'm going to treat myself, crunch

crunch. >> jimmy: so is it okay now? are you ready to enjoy some of the things you used to like? >> i haven't done it yet but i'm like, i will, yeah. i cannot wait to do it. >> jimmy: we have something special for you. please go ahead and be careful. there's -- >> what? aahhh! >> jimmy: a mobile. >> are you serious? >> jimmy: this is good stuff too. >> are you joking? >> jimmy: this is not decorative. >> oh my god. >> jimmy: this is all for you. >> this is for me? for me, kumail? >> jimmy: take all you want. >> are you serious? no, no! are you kidding? are you really serious? >> jimmy: yes, yes. so feel free to enjoy. >> oh -- i -- i'm literally going to cry right now. i'm not joking. >> jimmy: i'm glad i could do this with you. >> oh my god. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i saw a tremble. >> i'm shaking. look.

hey. pizza's really good! >> jimmy: yeah. so -- >> oh my god. >> jimmy: you know what we'll do, take a break, and during the commercial try to eat all this stuff. kumail nanjiani is here. "little america" is the show. we'll be right back. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by old spice ultra smooth. available at walgreens. smell like your own man, man. yg you. hello, son. doing a little sporting i see? dad! not cool. you know what's not uncool? old spice after hours. it whisks sweat away into the night...with jazz. dad, i prefer ultra smooth, it handles sweat without all that...jazz. let's settle this over a game of - don't say it. don't say what? horse. that's my boy.

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that's a ten gallon, cattleman, cutter, brick, gambler. what you looking for? >> i wants the hats that is strongest. ♪ >> now that's the one. now that's the one. >> this is the price? >> jimmy: that is "little america" by kumail nanjiani.

he's got a lot of treats here. don't worry, we'll wrap -- you can take a doggy bag, you can take all of this home. >> i've been looking at the cheese tacake cheesecake. the one i'm most excited about is that. >> jimmy: build up to it. wouldn't it be great if you gained 30 pounds during the commercial? >> i've been terrified for a year i'm going to sneeze and lose it. >> jimmy: i want to talk about that show "little america" which you executive produce. it is a great show, my wife and i watched a bunch of them this weekend. i love the idea of the show too, which is they're true stories about immigrants. where did these stories come from? >> it's a show, anthology show, based on true stories of an immigrant that goes to america, there's this epic magazine, they've been collecting stories -- [ laughter ]

-- of real immigrants that came here, and this could be a good tv show, we were like, yeah, it would be a great show -- what are we talking about? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we're talking about your show. >> so yeah, it's basically eight different episodes all based on real stories of people who have moved to america set over all different time periods. >> jimmy: with a lot of famous actors all over the world -- >> actors from all over the world, yeah. because we really wanted it to be authentic to the people -- [ laughter ] -- who, you know, the characters they're playing. we wanted them to speak the language the character speaks. so we really found a lot of great people. >> jimmy: i love that you're just eating right now. i don't think i've ever had this experience, someone eating throughout the interview. [ laughter ] >> you don't understand. i'm like shaking. >> jimmy: i can see that. the hand is trembling. >> my heart is beating so fast

right now. you know, a couple of years ago my wife and i made a movie called "the big sick." >> jimmy: yes. great movie. [ cheers and applause ] >> people who don't know, my wife was in a coma, we didn't know what was going to happen, i remember very specifically the day -- we were like, is she going to make it? i remember when i got to the hospital, one of those days, went in, and she was up and sitting on her bed. i'm happier right now. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: kumail nanjiani, everyone. he will soon be in a food coma. watch the show, it's called "little america." it's available on apple tv plus. we'll be right back with sting.

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>> jimmy: welcome back. sting is on the way, but first, the bond between a father and son is a powerful one. but sometimes, that bond can be strained by disagreements. and when that happens, it's never a bad idea to get some good professional help.

>> guillermo: so tell me more about what's going on. >> he doesn't understand me, that's all. >> guillermo: is this true? >> i raised him to smell like a person astride a white horse while man tree producing a bow way of white roses. >> i don't want that, dad, i'm my other than person. >> guillermo: guys, calm down. >> i'm always calm but he wants me to be all -- >> guillermo: i see. >> yeah, and he wants everything to be all -- >> dad, i'm more an old spice ultra smooth kind of guy. it's who i am. i need you to accept that. >> okay, son. i understand. >> guillermo: i think we have done important work here today. you learned to respect each other's choices. good job, guys. that will be $500. >> son? >> i got you. >> dicky: buy the new old smis ultra smooth online or at a walgreens near you.

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♪ >> jimmy: hi, we're back. our next guest needs no

introduction, he doesn't even need more than one name. he is one of the great musicians of our lives with a tony-nominated musical "the last ship," playing at the ahmanson theatre here in los angeles through february 16th. please welcome sting! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how's it going? >> oh, so happy to be here. >> jimmy: it's very good to see you. i haven't seen you for a long time. i heard you were outside checking out your star on the hollywood walk of fame. >> guilty, guilty. >> jimmy: this afternoon. >> i was trying to be discreet, just slowly walking down. someone said, "checking out your star, sting?" yes, i am. there i am between the andrews sisters and donald duck, which when you think about it, exactly

where i should be. >> jimmy: that's nice, i'm glad you checked it out. it means it means something to you. >> it's here, hasn't been dug up, not like some people. >> jimmy: not on my watch, as long as that's in front of our building, that stays protected. did anybody recognize you? >> yeah, the guy who said, "checking out your star, sting?" i think he worked for you. >> jimmy: he may have. there's a lot of distraction with spongebob. you don't expect sting to come walking down the block. >> no one expects me. >> jimmy: if you're in a place and you hear one of your songs on the radio, will you listen, keep with it? >> no. but if i'm in traffic, it's happened a couple of times. there's only one radio station in england. i'm driving in england at a traffic light. my song is on the radio. somebody's listening to it. i try and catch their eye and start to lip synch. [ laughter ]

[ cheers and applause ] then i leave. >> jimmy: that's a story that they'll do go to work and tell people and no one will ever believe it. i wonder if someone doesn't recognize you, oh, there's an insane man mouthing along. >> most people sing in their cars anyway. >> jimmy: there's only one station in england? >> no, that's not true. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i was going to say. >> there used to be when i was a kid, bbc. >> jimmy: that's the one everybody listened to. what was the first song of yours you heard on the radio? >> the first song was "roxanne." [ cheers and applause ] >> 1978. i had a little basement flat in the middle of london and i was painting the ceiling. i was up on two ladders and a plank. then the song came on. "roxanne." i fell off the ladder and landed in the paint. >> jimmy: wow. >> then i called up andy and

stewart, the other guys, they too were in a state of disarray. the most exciting thing ever is to hear your song on the radio the first time, nothing beats that. >> jimmy: yeah, i can understand that. >> well, a few things can beat that. >> jimmy: a few things. you've probably experienced those as well. >> definitely. >> jimmy: you are doing a show in las vegas starting later this year. >> in may, yes. >> jimmy: in may. >> at cesars palace. >> jimmy: yes. i grew up in las vegas. >> at cesars palace? >> jimmy: almost -- yeah, kind of, actually. kind of. in fact, both cleto's and our band works at cesars palace. >> great band, by the way. >> jimmy: thank you. [ cheers and applause ] you know, i don't -- you don't strike me as a vegas kind of guy. >> i've been playing vegas for a long time. going in one night. >> jimmy: right, that's very different, yeah. >> the first one was aladdin, i forget which year. actually having your own room, your own space, is something i'm

really looking forward to. i can create my world there. invite people into my world. normally i do -- my show is just music and it's really good light, a good show, but there's no theatrical element. i'm going to explore that thing. have a dancer or two, some fantastic scenery. not perhaps changing a robe every song, no headdresses. >> jimmy: no? no cher? >> no, that's not me. but i'll explore. >> jimmy: maybe a tiger would be nice? maybe siegfried and roy could loan you some animals? >> no, they tend to turn on you. >> jimmy: no magicians, saw somebody in half? >> i do the magic. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that will be -- but i wonder if you're prepared to live in vegas for an extended period of time? >> we'll find out. >> jimmy: yeah, we are going to find out. how long is the run? >> you do three-week pods. i'm doing three this year. so it's not too onerous. >> jimmy: i see. >> but i don't gamble.

>> jimmy: you don't? then you'll have nothing to do. >> lucky in love. i want to go and walk the mountains in the day. >> jimmy: you can go walk in the mountains, that's it really, though. you walk in the mountains. but you can only do that like for a month until it gets way too hot to be walking in the mountains. so start walking right the minute you get there in may. >> thank you. there's a local speaking. >> jimmy: then forget about it. let's talk about this musical. it came out of your brain. "the last ship." you wrote it. you are performing in it. >> it's set in my hometown. >> jimmy: your real hometown. >> i was born within spitting distance of a shipyard. giant ships used to tower over my house as a young man, as a boy. i would see thousands of men walk into that shipyard every morning. wondering whether that would be my destiny and that's the last thing i wanted. >> jimmy: it is. >> dangerous, dark, terrible place. so i did, i escaped. then one day i realized i'd been given a gift. i was born in this epic landscape, surreal, industrial

landscape, that had an amazing effect on me. the symbolism of ships and what those men did really stayed with me, made me who i am. so as a debt to my community i wanted to honor them with a story that honored them and their lives. >> jimmy: did you ever work on a ship at any time in your life? [ applause ] >> i have a seamans card and i worked on a ship as a musician. >> jimmy: you have to have a seaman's card? >> you have to have a seaman's card. >> jimmy: what do you have to do to get that? >> you just have to get it. so that the entertainment on a ship is organized by the ship's purser who's an officer. >> jimmy: yeah. >> the ship's purser on the ship hated me. >> jimmy: i know all this just from the show "love boat." [ laughter ] all of this information is from "the love boat." he hated me, didn't like the way i dressed, liked nothing about me. >> jimmy: why? >> one night he said, you have to stop singing, your upsetting

some of the lady passengers. as punishment they sent us down into the bowels of the ship, through the engine room, into the crew's galley. we had to entertain the crew. half of whom are in full drag. and i was much more popular down there than i was on deck. >> jimmy: you weren't upsetting anybody down there. how were you upsetting the female passengers? sexually? [ laughter ] like were they -- >> i think they were older ladies. >> jimmy: i see. they were swooning? wow. yeah. i've not had that experience at all. how many times have you done "the last ship" show itself? >> i've performed in it exactly 115 times so far. >> jimmy: when you write it and it's your thing, do you change it as it goes? >> not supposed to. >> jimmy: not supposed to. >> occasionally i'll forget a line. >> jimmy: why are you not supposed to? >> you're supposed to say the lines. >> jimmy: as they're written. oh, i'll do this, add this here, make this little change? >> every season we do it, it does alter.

we want to improve the thing as it goes on. it's a living organism. >> jimmy: did you cast everyone? >> just about. >> jimmy: is that shipyard still in your hometown? >> no, it closed down. >> jimmy: it did. >> it's a hole in the ground. >> jimmy: is there any talk of maybe putting -- staging this show in your town? >> we did it. did it last year. >> jimmy: oh, you did, so it was a great idea i had after you had it. i'm glad we could collaborate on that. wow, that's interesting. and i would imagine -- was your family there? had the police seen the show? >> the police? >> jimmy: the police, yeah. >> you mean the lapd? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: either one. >> some of them have. you're talking about the police? >> jimmy: those guys you were in a band with, yeah. >> they came last night. very, very supportive. it was very lovely. >> jimmy: is it weird when they're in the audience watching you and you're performing? >> i'm aware of them, yeah. >> jimmy: you know where they are? >> i can feel them, yeah. >> jimmy: that's got to be a little strange, it's good. >> jimmy: great. you can do a song for us tonight

from the show with your cast. quite a group here. >> the whole crew. >> jimmy: when we come back, it's from "the last ship" playing at the ahmanson theater in l.a. sting is here, we'll be right back. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by the 2020 gle mercedes-benz, the best or nothing. in 2016 i warned thatt donald trump was

a dangerous demagogue, and when the republican congress wouldn't hold him accountable, i went to work helping run winning campaigns in twenty-one house seats. it's time for the senate to act and remove trump from office, and if they won't do their jobs, this november you and i will. i'm mike bloomberg and i approve this message.

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank kumail nanjiani. i want to apologize for matt damon, we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first, here with the song "we've got now't else?" along with the cast of "the last ship," sting! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ good people give ear to my story pay attention and none of your lip ♪ ♪ for i've brought you these lads and their daddy ♪ intending to build ye's a ship ♪ ♪ wallsend is wor habitation

it's the place we were all born and bred ♪ ♪ and there's no finer lads in this nation and lasses ♪ ♪ and none are more gallantly led ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ what've we got but the buzzer in the morning ♪ ♪ what've we got but the laying of a keel ♪ ♪ what've we got but the cranes above us soaring ♪ ♪ the commotion and the clamor in the welding of the steel ♪ ♪ what've we got but the mist upon the river ♪ ♪ what've we got but the noise inside the hold ♪ ♪ what've we got but the arse end of the weather ♪ ♪ where we work in horizontal rain and shiver in the cold ♪ ♪ what have we got what have we

got what have we got what've we got ♪ but the singing in the cables ♪ ♪ what've we got i've got this ringing in me ear ♪ ♪ what've we got well you can't claim you're disabled ♪ ♪ cause the bosses turn the tables and your rights all disappear ♪ ♪ what've ye got what've we got what've ye got what've we got ♪ ♪ you've got nowt it's written in your face you might as well guy on a tuesday ♪ ♪ what have you got i've got this straining in me neck ♪ ♪ what have you got when you're laid out on a table ♪ ♪ the snapping of a cable when

the rigging hits the deck ♪ ♪ what have you got but the loyalty of brothers ♪ ♪ what've ye got but this union of the dock ♪ ♪ what've ye got a bacon sandwich from your mother ♪ ♪ not the promise of another til the punching of the clock ♪ ♪ what've ye got what've we got what've ye got what've we got ♪ ♪ you've got nowt ♪ what've ye got what've we got what've ye got what've we got ♪ ♪ we work in horizontal rain the swing of the hook but we got got nowt we got nownownownownoww [ cheers and applause ]

tonight, painkiller prison sentence. the billionaire founder of a pharmaceutalom heading behind bars. his company accused of using sex appeal, schemes, and cash to get doctors to prescribe a potentially fatal opioid. >> i have never seen such in your face, such egregious, blatant behavior. >> families picking up the pieces. >> they got away with murder. my daughter's dead because of what they did. >> i missed some of the best years in my kids' life. >> our juju chang with breaking developments. "nightline: painkillers" will be right back.