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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  March 12, 2020 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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hello. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, sir patrick stewart. tony hale. this week in unnecessary censorship and music featuring miguel, and now, mayor pete buttigieg! ♪ [cheers and applause] hello. welcome and thank you for being here tonight. my name is pete buttigieg -- and i am running to be the next host of "jimmy kimmel live!" this is a very strange night. not only because this is my
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first time hosting a talk show -- because we're doing it without a regular audience. due to public health concerns over the coronavirus, we cancelled our studio audience tonight. a few kind kimmel staffers and some friends are here instead, we're going to have a great time. everyone is spread apart at the cdc-represented distance. this was not our plan. we just decided this a few hours ago. and it's disappointing, because as you all know, i love to crowd surf. it's kinda my thing. but the experts have told us the best way to prevent the spread of the virus is for us to physically stay apart. so that's what we're going to do. the only way we're going to get through this crisis is with unity. so let's do this together. who's with me? [cheers and applause] >> full disclosure -- none of those people are here. but when you don't have a real
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audience, you have to fake one. just like trump's inauguration. last night, president trump addressed the nation regarding the coronavirus pandemic and had this message for the american people. >> if we are vigilant, and we can reduce the chance of infection, which we will, we will significantly impede the transmission of the virus. the virus will not have a chance against us. >> i agree that this virus is no match for the american people. but for us to get through this, we have to take immediate action. there's a bill right now in congress that would provide free coronavirus testing for everyone who needs it, paid emergency leave, and unemployment insurance for workers laid off because of economic shock. for the good of every worker, family, and community that will be hurting, we need to encourage congress to get that done. [cheers and applause]
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so take a moment, so call the number on your screen and tell your senators and representatives now is the time for action. see, they're even on board. thanks for your support, eric, don, and whoever that was. and look, i know this is a time of great anxiety for our country. but believe me when i say, the resolve of our nation is strong. our ideals run deep. america will always be america. and here is living proof of that -- from last night's "masked singer." ♪ ♪ when a girl walked in with an itty, bitty waist ♪ >> that's going to be me in three months, isn't it? you know, a lot of folks are wondering how i ended up getting booked to host this show and all i can say is that iowa caucus app really screwed everything up.
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[cheers and applause] actually, jimmy asked me to fill in because right now he is off taping "who wants to be a millionaire?" which is a game show michael bloomberg won 56,000 times in a row. people have been skeptical about me hosting a show like this. they're like "you're too inexperienced, you'll never be a good late night host." well, a lot of people said i'd never get elected president -- and i showed them! well, i've been made to feel very welcome here today. and because i never show up to someone's home empty handed, i brought some gifts for the crew. truth is, i have a shipping container full of "pete for president" merch i can't get rid of. [cheers and applause] >> so everybody here got some new threads today. and i'm guessing by your expressions that some you might not have voted for me.
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>> i also found someone to take all the leftover bumper stickers and buttons off my hands. [cheers and applause] >> hey, everybody! >> you look great guillermo. >> i feel great, mr. pete. >> i spent most of the day teaching guillermo how to pronounce my last name and i think we finally got it. want to give it a shot? >> guillermo: okay. all right. mr. pete buttacheese. >> that's better than most people do. i'm glad jimmy asked me to host tonight because, frankly, i've got nothing else going on. as you know, i dropped out of the presidential race last week -- which was unfortunate. but what can i say? some candidates know when to get out of the race, and some candidates are tulsi gabbard. [cheers and applause]
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but really, running for president was an amazing experience. and i really thought we had a shot. turns out i was about 40 years too young and 38 years too gay. >> but i do hope, at the very least, my presidential run has inspired some people. i mean right now, somewhere out there in america, there could a young kid thinking: "one day, i too can run for president while dressed like the manager of a carmax." they write the jokes for me the of yes, you can kid. yes you can. and although we didn't win, we did achieve some pretty big milestones. i'm the first gay person to ever win a presidential primary or caucus.
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[cheers and applause] and the first gay man in 30 years to wear pleated pants. we all have our journey. i'm very excited about my guests tonight. we have music from jhene aiko featuring miguel. [cheers and applause] from veep, tony hale is here. [cheers and applause] and the one and only sir patrick stewart is with us. [cheers and applause] that's going to be great. you'll get to see captain picard interviewed by me, a guy who looks like spock's intern. i have been a huge "star trek" fan my whole life. and i've always thought patrick stewart was so cool because he's in charge of a fictional space fleet. just like mike pence. >> that's a good one, you really
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got loim. that was amazing. >> oh hey, tony hale. you're out here early. >> well, i just felt bad nobody showed up to watch you host, so i thought i'd come down here and be a seat filler. >> actually we did this because of the coronavirus. >> hey man, whatever you've wi with, whatever helps you sleep at night. >> as i mentioned earlier, now that i'm out of the presidential race and no longer the mayor of south bend, i'm actually unemployed right now. this gig is nice but i've only got it for another 52 minutes or so. luckily i'm right here on hollywood boulevard and opportunity is everywhere. so earlier today i took a walk around the neighborhood to see if i could scrounge up some work. ♪ excuse me. you hiring at all? any positions? >> no. >> hi. >> hello, how are you, sir?
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>> are you guys hiring right now? >> oh, no, sir, sorry. >> thank you. >> all right of. >> hi, how are you doing? welcome, what can i get for you? >> actually, i was here to speak about the jo to debbie. >> hey, debbie! >> what? >> this guy here wants to apply for a job. >> let's make it quick. >> thank you for meet being with me, debbie. i'm very excited about this opportunity of >> what are your qualifications? >> i have degrees from harvard and oxford, served as a navy officer and won the iowa caucus. >> can you name all five of our pretzel dips? >> your what? >> our dipping sauces.
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>> ranch. >> ranch? i thought you went to harvard. okay. here's a hypothetical. let's say you're handing out samples and someone asks for a second one? what do you say? >> i would say america was founded on an ideal, and freedom isn't free, but pretzel samples should be, and i believe the time has come for us to build a new kind of politics, put aside our partisan fighting and unite around a common goal, pretzels for all who want them. >> the correct answer is "no." and then you shove them. >> got it. >> have you ever twisted dough into knots? >> i have not. >> make me a pretzel. >> okay. ♪
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>> i'm sorry, but i don't think you're wetzel material. >> isn't there anything i can do? i need work. >> i have one idea. >> samples. can i serve a free sample for you? >> sure, requestcan i get anoth? >> yeah, of course, have a nice day. >> i told you to shove'em! ♪ >> i'm pretzel pete, and i approve this sketch. [cheers and applause] >> that was worth a shot. my thanks to debbie. and one more thing, there is a thursday night tradition here at the show. every week they bleep and blur moments from tv, whether they need it or not. and in honor of my guest hosting stint tonight, they put together a special democratic primary
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edition of "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> awkward moment you mention claimed after the debate when senator elizabeth warren seemed to reject senator bernie sanders' offer for a [ bleep ]. >> the time for small [ bleep ]s is over. >> my dad used to say a job's about a lot more than a paycheck, joey, it's about your [ bleep ]. >> i respect where you're coming from and i hope to earn your vote, but i don't plan to earn your vote by [ bleep ]ing you. >> on a good day my wife [ bleep ]s me. let's clear the air of that one. >> if you want to compare [ bleep ], and frankly, i'm shocked that you do, i will be happy to do that. >> i didn't [ bleep ] pete, he's been [ bleep ]ing me. >> do you guys [ bleep ] each other? >> no. >> here's what i believe we should dream big, [ bleep ] hard and win.
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>> bernie [ bleep ]s trump. bernie [ bleep ]s trump. bernie [ bleep ]s trump! >> buttigieg, buttigieg. >> [ bleep ] you! [ bleep ] you, iowa. >> i can't believe i get to say this -- we've got a great show for you tonight. we have music from jhene aiko and miguel. [cheers and applause] tony hale is here. [cheers and applause] and we'll be right back with sir patrick stewart. stick around. [cheers and applause] ♪ >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by wendy's. they just don't know it yet. (ding) these are a few of my favorite things. wendy's is changing the game from this...
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♪ [cheers and applause] welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live." i am your guest host pete buttigieg. tonight on the show, you know him from "veep" and "arrested development." his animated show "archibald's next big thing" returns to netflix march 20th. tony hale is here. [cheers and applause] and then, the album is called "chilombo." jhene aiko and miguel from the mercedes-benz stage. [cheers and applause] our first guest is an award-winning and knighted actor who, when i was growing up, taught me everything i needed to know about running a city and a starship. almost 20 years after saying farewell to starfleet and his crew, he returns to the role of jean-luc picard in "star trek: picard." >> and you thought i was a desperate old
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want a squadron. out there in the system, right now, beings who have as much life and liberty as you and i all command data of being hunted down by an enemy who seeks to exterminate them. >> jean luc. >> you are a waste of space! >> new episodes of "star trek: picard" stream thursdays on cbs all access. please welcome sir patrick stewart. [cheers and applause]
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♪ >> this is an absolute thrill. i got to get this out up front, i am a huge star trek fan, i always have been. i was a kid, come home from school at 4:00, my friend would come over and we would religiously watch every episode. when "generations" came out, i would watch it, and then there's halloween evidence from 1995. just so you know, i really mean it. so i think it's safe to say, at least among every mayor i've known, i'm about as big a star trek fan as can be. i gather there are a lot of figures in politics who are fans. >>ma >> may i call you pete? >> of coverurse. >> i have known one president, two chair men of the joint
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chiefs of staff one of which asked me, may i say the in your chair and madeline albright was a huge fan. so welcome to this company. one day, you know, we should have an event of we'll gather all these people together. it will be a kind of star trek convention, but of a different sort of nature. >> i love it. so let me say this. you've, not just the character but you have a commanding presence, i think it's safe to say, to the point that senior military officers would want to check for your permission before sitting in a chair. so many figures from entertainment are in politics, the president of the ukraine, the president of the united states. has anybody suggested that you go to public office? >> it has never crossed my mind, but yes, there have been proposals and suggestions, one in the united kingdom. i've been a member of the labor party for 35 years, and i
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committed my first act of civil disobedience when i was 5 years old at the post world war ii general election in 1945, when, of course to everyone's amazement, winston churchill was thrown out, and i have been a left wing man ever since. which sometimes -- [cheers and applause] it can create a little problems sometimes in the united states, but i would get a lot of fun out of it. theres a knonothing like sittin around a beverly hills dining table with a lot of guests and telling them you're socialist. ah, don't come near me! yeah, so, but i heard about your affection for star trek while were you campaigning. >> oh. >> early on in the campaign, i heard about that. so i tuned in to you. you're terrific. >> well, thank you.
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[cheers and applause] >> and you, you have a quality of speech make beiing, which isg to stand you in great stead. because it's spontaneous, immediate, it's natural. it doesn't sound planned in any way. >> are you saying i might have a future in late-night television? >> only if you will invite me once a month. >> deal. done. also i have to say, i also had the great pleasure of seeing you and sir ian mckellen in new york in >> why didn't you come back stage? >> i wonder, when you collaborate with a close friend in such an intense, professional environment, does that strengthen the friendship, test it? what's it like working so
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closely and intensely with a good friend like that? >> it does both, pete. it's a little bit like a marriage. sir ian married my wife and i. he performed the ceremony. he became qualified online of course. you can do almost anything online. >> that's one of the great privileges of being mayor, you can marry people. >> just like that? >> as long as it's within our county in indiana. i was trying to avoid people. the staff hadn't come in, and this couple popped out of the elevator. we're so glad you're here, and i was thinking, what do you need? turned out they were on the way to the hospital. she was going to get a c-section. they wanted to be married so they could tell her parents that they were married when they also gave them the news about the new little one. so we just went ahead, took a ribbon, made it into a ring, did it on the spot. it was great fun.
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[cheers and applause] but i got to say, i mean, i can't imagine that i would have performed the office nearly in as much style as sir ian would have done. >> he was wonderful. of the there were actually two ceremonies, which is not generally known, because we, we were in berkley, where we were doing the interplay, oh, forget it. and we learned that he could not use his credentials in nevada, where we getting married. my wife is from reno, and we were in california where the credentials were accepted. so in our last week, one night after the show, we invited ian and our two other guests and a director to a mexican restaurant for dinner of and it was really
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closing down when we got there. it was very late. and ian had brought with him a kind of robe, but our guests had no idea what was happening, and, in fact, we were formally married in a mexican res >> a different kind of wizardry. i love it. >> so he made a speech at the, supposedly authentic wedding, which was so moving. i looked out, and the audience were wiping their, men and william, a women, it was so emotional. it was very powerful. i don't know how much time we have, these things go very fast. for you. >> oh. can i open it now or? >> please, yes, of course. >> oh, my goodness. an original "next
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[ applause ] look at that, oh, that will have pride of place. wonderful. >> it's not just an original, because there are, you know, it there are scores and scores of copies. but this is my working script. you see? >> what a treasure. >> pickard is on the line. and there are my handwritten ♪s. >> that is an absolute treasure. thank you so much. >> would you like me to sign it? >> oh, yes, absolutely. right there. oh, that's wonderful. well, we about to -- [cheers and applause] we are about to test my fandom in a new way when we come back. patrick stewart and i are going to go head to head in star trek trivia with a special guest. so stick around. [cheers and applause] ♪ >> dicky: portions of jimmy kimmel live are brought to you by panera's new unlimited coffee
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>> dicky: it's time for the star trek trivia game that's sweeping the galaxy. "who's the captain now." please welcome your host, lavar burton. [cheers and applause] >> thank you very much. thank you. thank you. good evening! and welcome
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first, he speaks eight languages, meet pete! >> i hear you have dogs. >> yes, i have two rescue dog, truman, he's originally from tennessee, but with us a couple years, buddy is our one-eyed puggle on a weight loss journey, and we love our our our our >> and his opponent tonight, he's a few pickard's short of a hollow deck, say hi to pat! [cheers and applause] great to see you again, pat. >> and you, lavar. >> is it true, pat, that you wore a toupee during your audition for star trek, the next generation generation? >> the very final audition for the studio yes, i wore a
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hairpiece. >> where is that hairpiece now? >> it's in my home, in my safe, secure. why, you want to borrow it? >> no, i'm good, just wantin' to know. here's how the game works. i will ask you a question about star trek the next generation. the first one to buzz in gets an opportunity to answer the question. if you get it wrong the other contestant has an opportunity to steal. every correct answer is worth ten >> dicky: the lucky winner will have a star named after them. retail value, >> hands on buzzers. the first question is --
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name the only two characters to appear in both. that's correct. nicely done, sir. here's question number two. what was the name of the bar on the starship enterprise? >> ten forward. >> ten forward is correct. >> what is jean luc pickard's board name? >> cutis aboard. >> this reaction shot became a widely-popular meme. which character caused captain pickard to face palm?
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pat? >> john delancey. >> character name, please. >> q. >> q is correct. that was rough going for a second there, man. are you sure you were on star trek? do you even know who i am? all right. >> oh, yes, i know who you are. >> fun fact, i met john delancey when he came to a star trek convention when i was a kid. true story. >> for your trivia box there. all right. warp didn't always wear a gold uniform. what color uniform did warf wear? season one? >> red. >> red is correct. the good mayor surges into the lead, 30- 20. true or false question, the starship enterprise was named after a rental car company. true or false?
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pat? >> false. >> you're right! whew, boy, aren't we glad that turned out the way it d all right we are tied. what was the title of the very first episode. pat? >> "encounter at far point." >> that's correct, sir. all right, pete. >> all right. >> here we go. >> that sound means it's time for our final question. and here we go. for all the marbles, did my character, jordy laforge wear boxers or briefs? pete? >> boxers? >> no, wrong. >> oh, i know. >> pat. >> nothing!
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>> that's correct. that's absolutely correct. pat, you are the captain now! [cheers and applause] and here comes your certificate from the international star registry. you, sir, have earned your perme permanent place in the cosmos. thank you for playing "who's your captain now." [ applause ] >> thank you so much for hosting this game. it's been a dream come true for me. levar burton everyone! be sure to check out his podcast "levar burton reads" available on apple podcasts, stitcher, and spotify. and thanks to my opponent and guest, sir patrick stewart. [cheers and applause] new episodes of "star trek: picard" are available to stream thursdays on cbs all access. we'll be right back with tony hale. [cheers and applause] ♪ there's a company that's talked to even more real people
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♪ our next guest is one of those very talented actors who only appears on really, really funny shows, like "veep," "arrested development," and "jimmy kimmel live with guest host mayor pete." and he is the creator and star of an animated show for kids. a new season of "archibald's next big thing" premieres march 20th on netflix. please say hello to two-time emmy winner, tony hale. [cheers and ♪ >> hey! you play well. you did good on the game show, man, you're doin' so good. >> it's fun to do things other than give speeches. >> i was thinking if you had a game show about the characters i played, the topics would be like emass clags and trauma.
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>> speaking of which, when i was mayor of south bend people would ask me which tv show my life resembled most. "parks and regul ""parks a ""parks and recreation" is kind of like that. but sadly the most realistic show was "veep." i wonder how many people talk about how absurd it is, it captures the reality of being involved no politics. >> it's scary. sometimes i watch the news and i want to laugh but i feel guilty about laughing. and it was a nice political outlet that you didn't feel guilty at laughing at. >> you can channel it. >> yeah, you can channel it, but when i hear that, it's not good news. >> beyond "veep", you will have shows on all of the five major
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streaming services, which is a real feat. it got me thinking, in politics. heres a one thing, we've got to think of a name for it. in politics, they call it the full ginsburg, named after bill clinton's lawyer in the '90s, where you would appear on all five sunday shows. i did it one time in new hampshire. the full tony, the full hale. >> i like the full tony, there's probably actors out there who are like, i'm on all five. >> you've been doing a lot. >> i really miss "veep." we really got close. i don't know if you've met julia. >> yeah, show's fantastic. >> there were a lot of people who loved the show and the characters on the show, their names were like dan and selena, and people in d.c. would be oh, i'm dan on your show, i'm salina on your show. and they're horrible people. why are you saying this out
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loud? they're like, oh, my god, i'm the amy in my office. i'm like, please, stop talking. >> the less you resemble anybody on the show the better. >> yeah, and i really miss them a lot. >> another great thing about the show, you among all the characters probably got to do the most physical. >> oh, yeah, i wasn't allowed to speak. i would stand behind salina. my character was even called a bitchy mime on the show. maybe you don't like people and you can't say it. >> that never happens. >> you've a body, i was like a body man. you have one of those. >> yeah, her name is sarah. couldn't life without her. >> the thing is, is it weird when you're talking to someone and she comes up and whispers something in your ear about them? because i would have to do that to her. isn't that weird that i'm giving her information about the person
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she's talking to? >> this is the strange thing about being in that role is that in many ways you ask the team to help manage you. >> yeah. yeah. yeah. >> they're keeping you informed, thinking about all these different things so you don't have to, and you really rely on that knowledge they can provide. >> i was allowed to non-verbally say what she couldn't say. >> i could have used that. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. she didn't like a guy, and i could be behind her and be like, what a douche. i could give a lot of non-verbal. >> let's talk about this new project, "archibald's next big thing ". it's for children, animated. what's it like doing voice work? >> oh, it's so fun. the show came from, i did this children's book years wag ith m b buddies. and the show, he treats everything like it's a big
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thing. so he sees the best in everyone and the best in every situation, which i think we need more of in our world, by the way. >> something america needs anyway. [cheers and applause] >> and it's so fun. and the, recently, my friend julie hall, she has this 2-year-old named harper, a sweet little 2-year-old, and she was having a hard time putting harper in the car seat, and she says tony, will you do archibald's voice for harper? and i was like, hey, harper, how are you doin'? and the child went into a cat tonic state. she stared. all the color left her face and she was able to put her in her car seat. so i'm available for birthday parties. >> thanks so much for joining us. >> season two of "archibald's next big thing" premieres march 20th on netflix. tony hale, everybody! we'll be right back with music from jhene aiko and miguel!
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♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert ser ease is presented by the 2020 gle, mercedes benz, the best or nothing.
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>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series have presented by mer said ease benz. thank you for letting me share a great evening with you. america's in for some tough times. to get through it we're gonna need unity, strength, and our sense of humor more than ever. my thanks to sir patrick stewart, tony hale, levar burton, and jimmy kimmel for letting me sit in tonight. "nightline" is next, but first, the song is called, "happiness over everything" with a little help from miguel, jhene aiko! ♪ ♪ these red roses damn near turn to ashes ooh if i keep it real you won't understand it ♪ ♪ these dirty blogs got your mind damaged woo i'll walk a million miles to see you happy ♪ ♪ i hope she don't think that i think that she some kinda ♪
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♪ some kinda i don't care that just lets me know that ♪ ♪ she knows what she wants yeah baby i won't judge no-oh no-oh no no no ♪ ♪ now i'm sure that she knows what she wants yeah ♪ ♪ i ain't gonna hold you baby i like what i see that print in them sweatpants got me weak off ♪ ♪ in my knees i've been thinking 'bout you since we met at no i.d.'s ♪ ♪ if you're free tonight i think that you should come see me oh oh oh oh ♪ ♪ don't be scared of my aggression oh oh oh oh ♪ ♪ just don't get the wrong impression ♪ ♪ i hope she don't think that i think that she some kinda ♪
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♪ some kinda i don't care that just lets me know that ♪ ♪ she knows what she wants yeah baby i won't judge no-oh no-oh no no no ♪ ♪ now i'm sure that she knows what she wants yeah ♪ ♪ i can't never have a hater bone inside my body ♪ ♪ i just like it better when my girl do her pilates ♪ ♪ i wanna dress you up and have you fresher than a stylist ♪ ♪ think about any drama when your body traumatizing ♪ ♪ you so caught up in the hype you coulda easily been my wife ♪ ♪ i see the way your friends look they already thinkin' i'm sheisty ♪ ♪ they misunderstood me when they say i'm jesus christ i just want you to worship me ♪ ♪ i like what i like i'll feed you to the wolves if you don't talk to me nice oh oh oh ♪ ♪ they gon' try to crucify me they think we worship 'luminati oh oh oh ♪
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♪ i take my heart and i go hide it ♪ ♪ i hope she don't think that i think that she some kinda ♪ ♪ some kinda i don't care that just lets me know that ♪ ♪ she knows what she wants yeah baby i won't judge no-oh no-oh no no no ♪ ♪ now i'm sure that she knows what she wants yeah ♪ ♪ yeah i chose happiness over everything over anything and it's everything ♪ ♪ yeah happiness over everything over anything and it's everything to me ♪
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this is "nightline." tonight, put to the test. >> frankly, the testing has been going very smooth. >> where we really stand on diagnosing covid-19. >> it is a failure. let's admit it. >> who has the test? who needs the test? when can you get the test? >> people should not say they want a test and go get a test right now. that's coming. it's not here right now. >> and boots on the ground in america's first containment zone. >> they want to make sure families don't go hungry. >> broadway and amusement parks go dark, wide world of sports going dark. and an apology from the nba's patient zero. >> this special

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