>> jimmy: not a green screen. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. may i ask what you're doing in my house? i hope everybody's doing all right. here in los angeles, i have to say, there have been a lot of positives about staying at home. the air pollution is gone. no traffic, and crime is down to almost nothing. there's never been a worse time to be an amazon package thief. i've had to stop stealing them myself. it is kind of funny crime is down at the same time everyone's dressed like they're about to rob a stage coach. and there's never been a time to have a high-speed car chase. if o.j. was on the run right now, he and a.c. would have made it to guatemala. tomorrow is formal friday, where you dress up for no good reason, and tonight is special, too. let's go to guillermo now. tell us what tonight is. >> guillermo: tonight is thirsty

thursday. >> jimmy: what? >> guillermo: thirsty thursday. >> jimmy: thirsty thursday. >> guillermo: that's right, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you. last week, guillermo gave us a good tip on how to celebrate thirsty thursday. i want to see if you have another one tonight. people are looking for reasons to drink. >> guillermo: yes, jimmy, i have one. this one's for easter, okay? >> jimmy: okay, what is it? >> guillermo: first you bring a chocolate bunny. then you break the ears off like this. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> guillermo: then you bring the tequila, then you pour the tequila in. >> jimmy: okay. >> guillermo: then you drink it. >> jimmy: and what is that concoction called, guillermo? >> guillermo: the easter bunny is drunk. >> jimmy: all right, very catchy, i like it. don't accidently put that in

your son's basket on sunday, okay? >> guillermo: no, i won't, i promise. >> jimmy: easter, as you know, or you may not know, we don't know anything nowadays, is sunday. and it's the second week of passover. i know people who are having dinners that are very weird. it's odd to end a family holiday dinner by pressing "leave meeting." it doesn't feel at all exciting this year, probably because i've spent the last three weeks already driving around looking for eggs already. some businesses are finding appropriate ways to celebrate. this bakery in france is making, look at this. what they're making is edible little masks for each chocolate bunny. so i guess so the bunny doesn't spread the virus. the cream in the middle of those is fear. and at the white house, because of everything going on, they had to make an adjustment to the annual easter egg roll this year. >> so, again, happy easter. enjoy yourselves, and i'm coming

down right now to be with you. first lady is coming with me, and maybe i'll get this great easter bunny to come with us, thank you everybody, happy easter. >> jimmy: sean spicer, is that you behind that n95? the president's been playing a game for easter, it's called "pin the tail on everyone else." he is desperate to shift blame for the fact that we were unprepared for the pandemic. yesterday the scapegoat was the world health organization. >> the world, w.h.o., they got it wrong, in many ways they were wrong. they also minimized the threat very strongly. and not good. >> jimmy: no, they minimized the threat very strongly. did they minimize the threat? because the person who said this in january looked an awful lot like you. >> words about a pandemic at this point? >> no, we're not at all. and we have it totally under control. it's one person coming in from

china. and we have it under control. it's going to be just fine. >> jimmy: in his defense, he's not too bright. so now they're trying to do damage control. they trotted out the trade adviser, peter navarro who wrote the memos in january and february warning the president everything was not fine. trump claims he didn't read the memos. which isn't a good excuse. >> as every day goes by we see he was exactly right in doing what he did. he has a greater sense of the chessboard, i think, than anyone, and i've said this repeatedly prior to the crisis. i think he will go down as the greatest president in modern history for his positions on trade and immigration. but i think in this particular case, what we're seeing is somebody playing the chess game better than anyone, and martha, we've just got to beat this virus. we are at war. he's a wartime president, and

all this stuff about memos and things like that, you know, we need to focus on getting medicines to the people. >> jimmy: forget about the memos warning about this in advance. he's the wartime president, the greatest president in modern history. where do they keep finding all these sick old white guys? do they have a machine that makes them? 3d printing them in idaho or something? he didn't read the memos you wrote for him, warning a disaster was coming. that makes him a chess master? trump is the only chess master who probably don't know how to play chess. meanwhile, the vice poodle is learning trumpy new tricks about self-promotion. these press briefings go on for a long time and cnn doesn't carry everything. and it didn't sit well with mike pence who refused to let health workers appear on cnn until they start covering all of what mike

pence says. i don't know how we explain this to mike pence. he isn't batman. he's robin. nobody cares about robin. in the last 3 t9 years, they ma nine batman movies, robin only got to be in two of them. team pence retracted that order today after much criticism. i guess he's resigned himself to existing in darkness. but, speaking of pets. this is bad news. researchers have found that cats can get the coronavirus. which might be the worst thing to happen to cats since the movie "cats." fortunately, most cats already have a policy of staying at least six feet away from their owners but i googled "cat masks." they exist, for $3.97, your cat can look like it had a terrible

skiing accident. dogs appear to be in the clear. they cannot get -- this coronavirus keeps getting better and better for dogs, especially snoop doggs. marijuana use is at an all-time high right now. did we really need a survey to figure that out? all you have to do is count the photos of banana bread on instagram. but it makes sense. what else are people supposed to do when they're not writing that new screenplay or learning a new language? this is something that doesn't make sense. even with couples stuck at home with nothing to do, we're not likely to see a quarantine baby boom. that's a shachme. my wife and i say it every day, you know what would be great right now? more kids in the house. there would be a spike in birthrates if we could stop asking our significant others why they're loading the dishwasher that way, but we can't. over the last few weeks we've been shining a spotlight on those of you who find creative

ways to entertain yourselves and others under quarantine, and here now, in advance of easter, is our egg-themed quarantine killer of the ♪ ♪ ♪ i want to break free ♪ i want to break free >> jimmy: what do you think of that, guillermo? i'm watching guillermo on the monitor right now. did you like that? >> guillermo: i like it. i think it's very funny. >> jimmy: guillermo, have you ever thought about shaving your head, like completely bald? >> guillermo: you know what i was thinking that yesterday. >> jimmy: you were? >> guillermo: yeah, and i would

say, i don't know if jimmy's going to like it or not, and i'd do it this weekend for monday. >> jimmy: no, jimmy would like it. i think it would be great, especially on easter. you know, you wake up. you surprise the family. you have no hair at all. just shave that head clean. would you do that? [ laughter ] don't shave the mustache. i only want you to shave your head, okay? what do you think? >> guillermo: i want to, but my wife won't let me. second, i don't have the tools. >> jimmy: wait a minute. hold on a second, what do you mean your wife won't let you, have you asked her? >> guillermo: i mentioned it to her last night and she said i think it would look too fat. >> jimmy: go get her. is she in the house? go grab her. we'll wait. go ahead. you know what we're going to do? you go get her. i'm going to play something, then we'll come back, okay? and we'll meet guillermo's wife.

go ahead. go get her! >> guillermo: all right. >> jimmy: all right. you know, this pandemic has raised a lot of questions for everybody. some serious, others mundane. so what i did, i asked my co-workers to go into their browser histories and share some of the most random things they've searched for over the past few weeks. these are real. all we did is filter out the porn. so we give you now the staff of "jimmy kimmel live's" google search results. ♪ >> will the coronavirus cause a shortage of parmesan cheese. >> can you eat expired eggs? >> pictures of the worst quarantine hash cuts. >> how do people on house arrest pass by time at home. >> does indian food kill viruses? >> does vodka kill the coronavirus? does whiskey kill the coronavirus? >> is it safe to eat five year old frozen vegetables, and how do you use a bid day.

>> how do lose weight without doing anything. >> who has cleaner delivery, doordash or post mates? >> how do i find the perimeter of a face of a three-dimensional prism? how long can i go without share showering? >> how soon eat lunch? >> how o to express your dog's anal glands yourself. >> does staying indoors all day make your feet smell? >> whattes at difference between a ship and a boat? >> can you play the game clue by yourself? >> chrissy teigen's banana bred. >> guy with big penis meme dead? >> brendan frazier snorkeling pictures. >> jimmy: well, i don't know about our staff, but i'm happy for brendan frazier. people are supposed to be quarantining now, where could his wife be? how big is that house? what happened? >> guillermo: well, she's taking a shower, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh, great, bring the computer in there. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: what do you mean she's taking a shower? she's in the shower right now? >> guillermo: yeah, she's taking a shower. i went all the way over there, and she's taking a shower. >> jimmy: are you telling the truth? or is this a little one of your guillermoisms? >> guillermo: no, she's taking a shower. >> jimmy: we'll take a break. and we'll wait for her to get out of the shower, and when she comes out of the shower we'll ask. tonight we've got phoebe bridger performing music from her bathroom. and we'll be right back with regina hall, don cheadle and guillermo's wet wife. ♪ >> guillermo: this is going to cost me a divorce. >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live" brought to you by progressive. ouch, okay. huh, boring, boring, you don't need to see that. oh, here we go. can you believe my client steig had never heard of a home and auto bundle or that renters could bundle?

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>> jimmy: welcome back to jimmy kimp kimmel live from my house. later on, phoebe bridger will perform from her bathroom. and some easter pranks you can pull on your family. join us next week. we will be back at our regular time of 11:35 with shows featuring george stephanopoulos and jack black. we have business to attend to. where's your wife? >> guillermo: she's busy. doing the cleaning. >> jimmy: what is she cleaning? i thought she was in the shower? >> guillermo: me too. i thought shy we was in the sho. she's cleaning everything. >> jimmy: she can't come just for a moment? i guess then she doesn't get to vote on this. you want to cut your hair, right? you want to shave your

>> guillermo: i was wanting to do that. >> jimmy: the two of us will vote on it. it's two against one, right? >> guillermo: yeah, that's right. >> jimmy: did you say you don't have the equipment? you do have trimmers, right? a trimmer? >> guillermo: i do have, yeah, shave my beard and everything. >> jimmy: use the trimmer. get it down to the one setting. and then you finish with the razor blade. i think this is going to be great. this is going to be the best easter ever. >> guillermo: we'll see. >> jimmy: have a great weekend. go ahead and shave that head, all right? >> guillermo: all right, have a great weekend. >> jimmy: our guests tonight star together on "black monday." please welcome don cheadle and regina hall. hello don and hello regina. you look great, and i like your houses, too. >> it's the first time i've seen

don's house. i haven't been there. >> jimmy: how long have you known don, regina? >> 11 years. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and have you invited don to your house? >> thank you, jimmy. >> yes. >> jimmy: oh, you have. >> ask her when, ask her when. ask her when. >> jimmy: when? >> right before this night. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so you invited him when none of us are allowed to go to each other's houses. >> now you can see how i rock with my co-star. >> jimmy: how's it going for you guys? what's happening? what's your day like? tell me. >> i've been just, doing what everybody's doing right now, hunkering down, aggressively defending mycoindividual space in my house. trying to learn to do everything

left handed. everything. everything left-handed. >> jimmy: oh, everything. >> like what? like what? >> like anything you can imagine. we call it "the stranger." so you can let your imagination run wild. >> jimmy: like you're preparing for a broeng arm ken arm or som like that. i think that's wise. >> sure. >> jimmy: regina, what are you doing? are you doing anything weird? >> you know, i'm a juror in the tribeca film festival. i've been watching a lot of movies. >> jimmy: oh, all right, were you going to do that before this happened? or is this something you took on because you knew you would be home. >> no, i was going to do did it new york. and now, no. >> jimmy: is there one film you like better than the others? go ahead and announce it right now and ruin it. >> oh, yeah. for real, the winner's going to

be -- >> jimmy: when you go outside, are you wearing masks at all? assuming you go outside at all? >> yeah. i was going outside with a bandana on, trying to bring rocket back a little bit. and my neighbors were very, i mean, these are the neighbors i see all the time. but there was a shift in my neighbors, you know, when i went out with the bandana on. >> jimmy: really? interesting. what kind of a shift? >> a physical shift. first of all. there was more social distancing. they were very polite and a lot kinder than they tend to be. >> what color bandana? >> is it was blue. it was a crip affiliate. >> jimmy: if you go on urban

dixtr dictionary, your name is a euphemism for smoking marijuana. did you know that? >> yeah. >> jimmy: why is that? >> i think probably somebody who really is steeped in the culture decided that, so i'm going to say seth rogen came up with it. >> jimmy: i siee, and in what wy was it used? >> the derivation was cheadle, wheedle. >> jimmy: it's not based on a true story? >> no. >> jimmy: if you google your name does anything come up? >> first i'd like to say that means don qualifies as an essential item. >> thank you. >> that's kind of amazing. >> jimmy: i think he already

did. >> and i, regina hall is a very famous adult film actress or porn star. is another name. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> oh, no. "space balls." >> jimmy: really? did you ever think about using your middle name just to differentiate yourself? >> no, i like the comparison. i like it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow, very quick with the google there, don. i assume you're quick. maybe you already had that on your phone. >> now you're into the left hand theme. we're back, we're back. >> jimmy: by the way, speaking of, not that it's porn or anything, but there is a great deal of nudity on "black monday." it's male nudity. thank you for that is what i'm saying. and, is that, do you like that,

regina? >> oh, you know she likes that. go ahead, regina, tell them about your, go ahead. >> listen. there are other people i think should have been naked already and they won't do it. it depends on who you ask, but i think it's good, i think it's, it's important to -- >> important? >> yeah, to see variations. >> hmm. >> and to celebrate the male body. >> yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: i see. i heard that you guys have a workplace dispute, and i was wondering if i could help mediate it or settle it in some way, and i'm offing my servicmmr services if you'd like them. whoever wants to explain what's going on, go ahead. i'm sure you both have a side. >> we may both have a side, but only one side is valid and i'll tell you what that is. when regina and i as we have to every year, jimmy, you probably

have to go through this process as well. you have hr meetings where they explain what sexual harassment is and explain dos and don'ts and you have to watch a video. regina thought this was an instruction video on how to harass. we had to keep reminding her as she was touching all of us as we were going through the meeting, no, these are whatnot not to d not how to do it better. >> jimmy: is that what happened? >> this is what happened. the meetings, i think many of those things don is talking about are open for interpretation, but most importantly, don continues to wear tank tops to work with his arms out. and i think that what he is suggesting to me is, please touch. that's, that's the only -- >> okay. get it? you hear where we are now, jimmy? >> jimmy: yeah.

>> and so when i say, like, keep it up and see what happens, he considers that a threat of sorts, and i consider it that we are -- what's the word we just said? sim pat coe. >> yeah, synpatico. >> jimmy: i am ruling in favor of don. it's a win-win for don, really. >> it is, it's a win-win-win. >> jimmy: a win for don and a lose for hr. >> that's right. >> jimmy: each night we're asking our guests to choose their favorite charity and i will make a donation to those charities, and you've each chose p a chari chosen a charity, so regina, tell us about your charity. >> mine is the first responders' childrens' fund, and it's children whose parents have died, who are first responders. many have lost their loved ones

who are serving in the front lines. >> jimmy: you can find out more information about that at the website at the screen. and don, your charity? >> the downtown women's center, the only organization in los t homeless women and women who were formerly homeless and so, you can just downtownwomenscent downtownwomenscenter.org and learn more about that organization as well. >> jimmy: these both sound like great charities. what's the plan for the rest of the day? >> i'm going to keep sitting on my left hand until it's numb again and doing -- [ laughter ] >> i could sit on it, >> you sigee? we're back. >> jimmy: regina

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♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live" from my house. because of quarantine, easter is going to be a little lackluster, but lucky for you we have some

things to spice things up. a few years ago, easter easter r april fools weekend. your parents are here. >> there they are. >> jimmy: are you proud of -- [cheers and applause] hand them a mic a second. now your son was, worked for nasa, and now he's doing stupid stuff to children. are you happy with this decision? >> i'm happy with the decision. >> jimmy: all right. >> there you go. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you don't have kids, but i know you have like kids in the family and stuff like that. and you have a lot of fun with those kids. and you show us what to do on easter so we can also have fun in our lives. >> love it. this is a once in a childhood opportunity, the last time april fools day was on easter it was like 60 years ago and only happens two more times this century. you got to get on this. >> jimmy: this is one you don't want to miss for sure.

show us what to do. >> this is like a basket that looks like easter candy. but the thing s everything in here is rigged in some way. we're going to talk about how. you start with the chocolate easter bunny that's hollowed out inside. you're going to take a knife and heat it up and cut off the bottom of the -- >> jimmy: of the bunny. cut bunny's bottom. >> now it's hollow inside. we're going to take broccoli, go ahead and put it on the inside. stuff it with broccoli. what's great is you then heat up the edge, and you can actually fuse it back together. >> jimmy: i think that's broccolini. >> kids hate it either way. >> jimmy: this is a great way to teach kids to be disappointed in life. >> in l pops, right? it stands to reason if you take a brussels sprout and dip it in chocolate, they would also

brussels sprout pops. i wanted to test these out so parents could know which ones were the best. so we shot some footage. >> jimmy: look at these kids. >> oh! >> oh! >> is this? >> broccoli. oh, my gosh. >> save it for later. >> what is that? >> it's a vegetable. >> oh, it's cabbage. >> what is it? >> ah. >> eh. >> jimmy: yeah, that's what you want from bysow th g president you've invented a candy. what we have here is the classic cadbury eck.

>> scoop out the insides. get some mann. >> jimmy: could be elmer's glue, could be worse. >> you can fuse the chocolate back together. we tested this on the kids, >> ew! >> i knew it. >> no one's like being the bunny, wait, do you like the bunny? >> jimmy: yeah. it's like a deviled cadbury egg. >> what's amazing about that, half the kids didn't notice anything was wrong. >> jimmy: i don't think i would notice, no problem. >> so now for this last food idea, these kinder eggs are super popular with kids. it's a chocolate shell, you crack it open and there's a toy inside. >> jimmy: my daughter loves these. >> we're going to take a real

dries, it looks like this. again, wrap it up. we tested this as well. >> oh, chocolate! >> oh, my god! ah! [ laughter ] >> oh, my>> jimmy: i like that. it's healthy, too. >> it a's healthy. >> jimmy: or you could put a live cockroach in these things, right? >> you could. that's also an option. chocolate covered cockroach. >> jimmy: now we have plastic. >> we take advantage of the chemical reaction that occurs when you mix baking soda with vinegar. you're trading atoms really fast and get different molecules, in this case, it's carbon dioxide, a gas. you take a straw like this and egg, you're going to hot glue

the straw in there and dot sa t same thing to the base of a egg.o take vinegar. >> jimmy: distilled white? >> distilled white works great. you can add foofood coloring, p baking soda in the top. and you've created an easter egg geyser grenade. let me explain why. you've got these two things. when you turn them over at the bottom of the egg, they mix together. that's where you get your co 2. the only place it's going to build up that pressure is out the straw. grab these upside down like this. >> jimmy: all right. >> and then maybe on the count of three. let's not get underneath any expensive equipment. ready? one, two, three.

>> jimmy: whoa! [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: yours, i don't know. i don't know why, i feel humiliated about my stream. that's good. so you hide those around the. >> yeah, you can hide it upside down as long as you want, they won't go off until you turn them upside down. >> jimmy: what a perfect way to celebrate the res leurrection o our lord. what else do you have? >> this next has nothing to do with easter at all but a monday morning office thing. all of them have a pneumatic piston in the middle. it air,essiblwhen you sit down,s down about a half an inch which is the same distance to compress an air horn. take some zip ties and tie it to the base.

if we have someone to sit in the base of the chair. >> jimmy: here i go. i'm going to sit here in this chair. it actually scared me. [cheers and applause] you tried this. >> we did, with one of your staff. >> jimmy: this is brad, the craziest member of our staff. here's brad. >> ah! [ bleep ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: should you do this if you work at a nursing home? >> yeah. >> jimmy: thanks to mark rober, check out his youtube channel, and coming up music from phoebe bridger and we find out how many peeps we can get into shaquille o'neill. so stick around. yes... galaxy 5g means you will beat your friends- what if i want to show my friend this little guy? calling the whole gang is even better with galaxy 5g. wait a minute, are you bored? obviously imagine a future where the best seats in the house are in your hand.

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>> jimmy: welcome back to jimmy kimmel live from my house. we have music from phoebe bridger on the way, but first, these hard times are hitting our friends in the service industry hard. they're kicking this off with a half million dollar pledge to charities that support the bar community. and they've also partnered with us to help get bartenders back to wor fm home. every week we'll be inviting a bar tender to help us make a cocktail using ingredients you may have around home. and it's time for tonight's

using bullet bourbon. >> hey, y'all, art i'm bartender in downtown l.a. today i'm going to make a cocktail for you called float your oats. it contains ingredients you can easily find in your house, spent chocola coffee grounds, chocolate and oats. i'm going to take an ounce of bitters, a quarter ounce of the chocolate syrup, two parts sugar to one part water and adding pieces of chocolate or cocoa butter. i'm going to take a united states of the bourb and set thatsi hos. i'm goinghat and give that a stir. pour that right over a fresh ice cuban garnish with a little orange twist. so quick disclaimer. if you text your ex-, or or o

your bangs, don't blame me. cheers. >> jimmy: very creative. thanks kristine. visit gives.com/tipsfromhome to learn how you can give back to visit gives.com/tipsfromhome to learn how you can give back to ndheservers you miss seein ♪ ♪

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♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live" from my house. music from phoebe bridgers is on the way, but first, there's one

person who comes to my mind when it comes to easter, and that is a giant chocolate bunny named shaquille o'neill. we've had many battles. we once played basketball. we played scrabble. we had a roast-off against one another. and i have dominated. >> no way. no way. >> jimmy: i would be embarrassed, if i was you. but now it's after easter, and we got these peeps for like 25% of their original price, and i thought it would be fun to see how many we could fit in our mouths. so let's just start, and we'll start with one. we'll go peep for peep. if one falls out, that's two, okay. or if anyone quits. [cheers and app app app app appp

>> i win. this?my: wow. >> a thousand to your favorite charity. >> jimmy: a thousand? i meant for you to eat it. >> no, no way! >> jimmy: well, you know what? we could have probably done this with actual chickens, our mouths

are so big. but that was pretty impressive. also disgusting, i think, as well. >> yes. >> jimmy: but i think a wonderful tribute to jesus, either way. it was a simpler time. we'll be right back with music from phoebe bridgers in the bathroom. step by step, we're going to figure this out. we're gonna find a way through this. we're working really, really hard in hospitals,

our nurses, our techs, all the docs. it's about staggering when people get sick so that the hospitals can cope. we're gonna go through an awful lot of these. all across puget sound, peave been stepping up and donating personal protective equipment. we stay at work. for you. you stay at home for us. just know we're all with you. thank you, thank you so much. thank you doctors & nurses. my psoriasis. cosentyx works on all of this. cosentyx treats the multiple symptoms of psoriatic arthritis to help you look and feel better. don't use if you're allergic to cosentyx. before starting, get checked for tuberculosis.

an increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, serious allergic reactions may occur. watch me! get real relief with cosentyx. >> jimmy: well, that is our show. i want to thank don regina hall. apologies to matt damon. but now phoebe bridgers, live from the lavatory. ♪ day off in kyoto got bored at the temple looked around at the 7-11 ♪ ♪ the band took the speed train went to the arcade ♪ ♪ i wanted to go

but i didn't you called me from a payphone they still got pay phones ♪ ♪ it cost a dollar a minute to tell me you're getting sober and you wrote me a letter ♪ ♪ but i don't have to read it ♪ if you don't beang thrghokyo sks i wanted to see the world ♪ ♪ then i flew over the ocean and i changed my mind ♪

♪ sunset's been a freak show on the weekend so i've been driving out to the suburbs ♪ ♪ to park at the goodwill and stare at the chem trails with my little brother ♪ ♪ he said you called on his birthday you were off by like ten days ♪ ♪ but you get a few points for trying ♪ ♪ rk xed when let us drive it 25 felt like flying ♪ ♪ i don't forgive you but please don't hold me to it born under scorpio skies ♪ ♪ i wanted to see the world through your eyes until it happened then i changed my mind ♪

♪ guess i lied i'm a liar who lies cause i'm a liar ♪