tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC April 25, 2020 12:37am-1:07am PDT
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canceled. the good news is if you still want to pack into a building with a bunch of people wearing masks, you can go to any trader joe's. canceling comic-con was the right call. the only thing worse than getting the coronavirus would be getting it because a guy dressed like loki sneezed on your nachos. a city worker in tampa made a discovery over the weekend. like most places, public parks in tampa are shut down, but a park warden discovered a man working out at a park downtown, and that man turned out to be tom brady, the new quarterback for the buccaneers, and this is the best part, she kicked him out. and look, i know we need to be safe and high-profile people need to encourage responsible behavior, but i feel this would have been one of the few times it would have been appropriate to say, do you know who i am? i'm tom f-ing brady. you should be staying in your
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house to keep me safe. anyway, tom brady's at the park working out and his friend gronk is coming with him. why, i don't know? is football even coming back? i have a sneaky suspicion tom doesn't know he's living in florida because he retired last month. one group i file aeel are not gg enough praise are those working at grocery stores. the employees at kroger and a bunch of cities did get an incredibly generous perk from their employer. a flier was circulated at kroger that said as part of their associa associate appreciation program, they are offering all pepsi 20-ounce soft drink products for $1 each, limit two per transaction, dr. pepper not included. of course dr. pepper isn't included. he's at the hospital right now fighting the virus on the front
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lines. but there you go. more beauty in the face of adversity. thank you for all you mountain dew. meanwhile, there are reports that kim jong un is in bad shape health wise. he is reportedly in grave danger after complications following a heart procedure. but because everything with him is secretive, no one knows for sure. one of the reasons they suspect he's not well is because last week he missed the most important holiday in north carolina north korea, a birthday celebration for his late gra grandfather. he is not one to miss cake. he had heart surgery due to complications with smoking, obesity and overwork. that's why our president doesn't smoke and never works. he's just smart. maybe kim jong un got tired of the whole dictator thing. he's going to wind up 30 years from now running a bed and
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breakfast in vermont. kim jong un is probably president trump's best friend. they met many years ago at chubby dictator club. trump woke early this morning to say there is an i. monday into the football, bachelor finale, "new york times," i don't care about that, i care about going around the fake news to the people. only donald trump would say he doesn't care about ratings. while bragging about his ratings. but it wasn't all lashing out. in fairness, trump did try to lift spirits yesterday and actually told a pretty funny joke. >> please, go ahead. >> mr. president. >> no, i think right behind you. i promised. i cannot tell a lie. so, we'll get you next, okay? >> jimmy: that's a good one. and guess what, he didn't get her next. he went to someone else.
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and then, moments later, he lied again. >> you held rallies in february and march -- >> i don't know about rallies. i really don't know about rallies. i know one thing. i haven't left the white house in months except for a brief moment to give a wonderful ship "the comfort" -- >> you held a rally in march. >> i don't know, did i held a rally? i don't know, did i hold a rally? >> jimmy: did i hold a rally in an enclosed space even though i now claim to have known it was dangerous at that time? yes. do i have an advent calendar counting down the days until i can hold another one? you bet your dirty mask i do. mar-a-lago laid off 153 workers today in addition to the 560 laid off at trump's resort in miami. maybe this is why he's so anxious to open for business again, he's getting hurt. the president's own coronavirus
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task force, members of his own team, are reported to be actively ignoring him now. think say the vice poodle, mike pence won't even sniff his butt, which i don't know, that doesn't make any sense to me. why would they ignore a president who has so many great ideas. remember when he wanted to nuke the hurricane? you probably think i'm joking, but go ahead and google that. i have a will the lot of questi the president's task force. we reached out to the white house and believe it or not they connected us with the chief medical adviser to the coronavirus response team, and i am honored to welcome dr. anthony fauci, hello, dr. fauci? dr. fauci? >> hello, hello? can you hear me on this? hello? >> jimmy: yes, yes, we can hear you. but i was under the impression i'd be speaking to dr. fauci. >> oh, no, no, no. dr. fauci is no longer with us.
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>> jimmy: why? what? >> the predisidentsagree a resp fauci so much that he actually sent him to a big farm upstate where he's free to run around in a field all day with other doctors. i'm the new lead on the coronavirus task force. >> jimmy: and you are? >> oh, dr. solomon zaius. >> jimmy: as in dr. zaius, the diabolical scientist from "planet of the apes"? >> i've done other movies. >> jimmy: oh, okay. what other movies have you done? >> little thing called jumanji. maybe you've heard of it. >> jimmy: how did you get this job? >> oh, family connection. the president's mother, mary, is my nana's sister. >> jimmy: okay, so your mother was his mother's sister, but
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you're, you're a -- >> an orangutan, yes. >> jimmy: wait, wait, that means donald trump is, what? >> half! just half. of course he is. no human would have a fantastic head of orange hair like that. >> jimmy: that actually explains a lot of things. so doctor, since you are now the guy, what are your suggestions for stopping this covid-19? >> first of all, for humans, this is very important. you must wear a mask. >> jimmy: you find that masks are most effective against spreading the virus? >> no, but they are very effective in covering up your ugly faces. ha, ha, ha, come on. jimmy, you teed me right up for that. you come in, you can't, ha! seriously. >> jimmy: you're right. >> your faces are disgusting. >> jimmy: well, thank you, dr. zaius, joking aside, what we
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want to know is how long before we can leave our homes? >> why? so you can befoul the environment with your fossil fuels, destroy the forests with your grade, contaminate the oceans with your heaps of detritus and wage war other divisions in religion and race? >> jimmy: yeah, yes. >> three to six months. >> jimmy: okay, great. anything else you want to share? >> well, last thing, again, for humans, very important. no more masturbating in public. >> jimmy: well, that's not, we don't, that's more of an ape thing, it's not really something humans do. >> you don't? >> jimmy: no. >> oh. you're missing out. >> jimmy: all right, well, that's dr. zaius, the new hid of something. i don't know. when we come back, we'll be
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joined by our friendly neighborhood spiderman, tom holland. >> wash your hands, you damn dirt eye human! this is our home. we've never seen it look quite like this, eye human! ye human! human! . because the best people to fight for our communities are those within them. so, if you've just bought a volkswagen or were thinking of buying sometime soon, we're here to help with the community driven promise. the last thing you should have is having enough toilet paper. please know we're working around the clock to get you more charmin. stay safe. only roomba uses 2 multi-surface rubber brushes to clean all your floors.
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and with patented dirt detect technology, roomba finds dirt throughout your home. if it's not from irobot, it's not a roomba. this is gonna be america's favorite breakfast. they just don't know it yet. (ding) these are a few of my favorite things. you order a breakfast sandwich and that's when wendy's makes it. not weeks... or months ago. try your new favorite. get a free breakfast baconator with offer in the app. never drinking water. neutrogena® bright boost with dullness-fighting neoglucosamine. boosts cell turnover by 10 times for instantly brighter skin. bright boost. neutrogena®. the family has to share one. ...ooo.. got it! step up with boost mobile and get 4 phones for free
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who are sick with a range of illnesses. it's easy and safe to give. if you are in good health, please donate. we need heroes now. visit red cross blood dot org to schedule an appointment. >> jimmy: you're very big. you're gettin' big. >> jimmy: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live" from my house. a quick note, tomorrow night in prime time i'm hosting who wants to be a featuring anthony anderson and jane fonda playing for their favorite charities. watch that at 10/9 central here on abc. on this show tomorrow, i will be chatting with the mighty thor chris hemsworth all the way from
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the land down under. and on thursday, my guests will be arnold schwarzenegger and ed norton. the terminator and the hulk. our guest tonight is a super-talented super hero, who by day helps run his family charitable foundation, the brothers trust. he is social distancing all the way from a place called england. please say hello to tom holland. hi, tom. >> hey, how you doin', jimmy. nice to see you, mate. >> jimmy: thanks for doing this. tell us about your living situation right now. >> i am in london, i'm living with all my pals. normally when we do your show we do a live audience. we couldn't obviously have a live audience now online. i actually have my own live audience. [ laughter ] >> so the laugh track will be provided by harrison. >> jimmy: they've been with you how long? >> harrison and i have lived together maybe four years. >> jimmy: i mean as far as -- >> oh, the quarantine. we've been on lockdown in london for about a month, yeah. >> jimmy: how are you getting along?
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are there any issues that need to be worked out? >> not really, because we're all drunk all the time, so, not really. no. >> jimmy: that helps. >> we're lucky enough. we can't really complain. we have a lovely outdoor space. and the weather in london's been really nice. we're all good. we can't complain. >> jimmy: are you getting things done at all? is it productive? >> i mean, it's been a little bit productive. harry and i have been working on the script we've been working on together, we sent that out yesterday to the first bunch of producers, which is actually more nerve-wracking than anything i've ever done in my career, because i'm worried that they're going to actually find out that i'm stupid and i can't spell anything. but we've been doing that, playing a lot of playstation and watching a lot of films and catching up on film history, and like i said, drinking a lot. i actually said this weekend i was going to stop drinking for a
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week, i was going to have a week off. and literally monday morning, i've got my prop. ryan reynolds sent me a case of gin. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> i was like i'm not drinking the whole week, and the door bell rang and there was a case. it says friendly neighborhood spider gin. love ryan. >> jimmy: if i'm wrong, correct me, but i believe you were supposed to start shooting "spiderman" in july. is that still the plan? >> i'm not too sure. i'm not too sure. i was in berlin making a film called "uncharted" with mark wahlberg. we were all ready to go. we went to set day one. we got shut down and sent home. whether we shoot that movie first or "spiderman" first, i'm unclear. but both movies are being made
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and they're both really strong and the scripts are fantastic. and whatever happens, happens. i've played spiderman, i'm ready to go. >> jimmy: i'm speaking with thor tomorrow, and i was wondering if you've been video chatting with your fellow avengers. >> i spoke to jake gyllenhaal the other day. we were chatting about doing a peloton class together. we've been trying to get on the same bike and train together. but we've also been doing these pub quizzes, these massive pub quizzes. we've done one with a cherry crew. and the rooster brothers have been involved. the winner has to design the quiz for the following week. i by some miracle won last week and had to do it this week. but the problem with the quiz is you need to know the answers to the questions you're asking people. >> jimmy: right. >> and if you don't that doesn't really work.
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loads of my questions, i got the answers wrong that i thought were right. so i was asking people questions and the answer is so-and-so, and people were like, no. one of them was who was the second president. and i'm a really big fan of "hamilton", but not that big of a fan obviously. i thought thomas jefferson was the second president, and that wasn't true at all. so i looked like a complete idiot. i face timed downey a couple days ago, and he was in the bath. >> jimmy: how romantic. you were going to do this quiz as part of your charitable foundation your family has put together. that's your goal is to make it a big online quiz to raise money? >> the brother's trust is a vehicle that we use to raise money and feed towards charities we think need the light and support. but we felt
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uncomfortable asking people for money at this time. so we as a collective are doing the donations. the reason we're doing the pub quiz is to bring people together and have a laugh, that's essentially what we're trying to do. >> jimmy: you can go to brotherstrust.org to learn more about that. speaking of uncomfortable, i have a favor to ask of you. my son billy turns 3 years old today. >> okay. >> jimmy: we watch both of your spiderman movies over and over again. and we promised him the real spiderman was going to come to his party. we were going to hire a guy in a suit. but now nobody's coming to his party. his party is just us. i was wondering if you'd say hello to him. i can't guarantee it's going to register. would you mind? >> absolutely. no trouble at all. put hill on. >> jimmy: we'll take a break and tom holland is with us. we'll surprise my son billy, too. ♪
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to ensure that we have a fast reliable network, keep the customers connected, and making sure people are staying safe. and we're still on the road. solving critical issues as they arise. ♪ go to xfinity.com/prepare. thank you. ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live" from my house. these are my kids, jane and billy. billy, is this your birthday? >> spidey. >> jimmy: this is spiderman, how old are you, spidey? >> 20. >> jimmy: you're not 20. who did we say was going to come to your birthday party?
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>> spidey. >> jimmy: the real spiderman? >> yeah. >> i want you to say hi to somebody. >> hi. >> jimmy: does that guy look familiar to you? >> hey, what's up, billy? >> jimmy: is that spidey? >> let me take this off so i can see you better. hey, billy, how you doin'? >> jimmy: wow, can you believe me? >> my name's peter parker, i live in queens, new york. where do you live, you know? >> we live in california. >> jimmy: jane, what did you say about peter parker's face? >> cute. >> jimmy: she said you have a cute face. >> thank you so much. i appreciate that. that's very kind of you. >> jimmy: are you mad at me for saying that? but he likes it. it's nice.
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we were about to sing happy birthday to billy. are you going to help us with that? >> mm-hm. >> jimmy: shall we do that? ♪ happy birthday to you ♪ happy birthday to you ♪ happy birthday, dear billy ♪ happy birthday to you >>jimmy: thank you, spiderman! you're the best. i appreciate it. [ applause ] >> happy birthday, billy. >> jimmy: say thanks to spiderman. >> thanks, spiderman! >> you're welcome, see you next time guys, bye, bye, bye. >> jimmy: we'll be right back. ♪ it's time to step up. prep up. step up. prep up. to help keep you free from the risk of hiv. from the makers of truvada, there's another prep option: descovy for prep. a once-daily prescription medicine that helps lower the chances of getting hiv through sex. it's not for everyone. descovy for prep has not been studied in pedbi talk to your doctor to find out if it's right for you. step up. for health and body. prep up for your one and only love or many loves. for kings, this queen, and you royals in between.
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for my now. our now. and my future. our future. step up. prep up. descovy is another way to prep. descovy does not prevent other sexually transmitted infections, so it's important to use safer sex practices and get tested regularly. you must be hiv-negative to take descovy for prep. so you need to get tested for hiv immediately before and at least every 3 months while taking it. if you think you were exposed to hiv or have flu-like symptoms, tell your doctor right away. they may check to confirm you are still hiv-negative. serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. rare, life-threatening side effects include a build-up of lactic acid and liver problems. the most common side effect was diarrhea. tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. if you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking descovy without talking to your doctor. ask your doctor about your risk of hiv and if descovy for prep is right for you. words are loud but actions are louder. step up. prep up. with descovy for prep. get help paying for descovy for prep. learn more at stepupprepup.com
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the time we have, we have a birthday party to have, right, billy? thanks to jane and billy, thanks to tom holland. tomorrow night, chris hemsworth. thanks for watching, "nightline" is next. >> jimmy: you did. >> yeah. ♪ >> jimmy: isn't that awesome? >> that was awesome! 20 san francisco medical officials flew to new york city to fight the coronavirus pandemic. we spoke to one of them. >> a new covid-19 investigatio t unit. >> up close it's clearly art.
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coming up the story behind the over night sculpture.>> when thk in. the weekend forecast is coming up. >> in the headlines tonight. residents have to stay in homes to at least may 17. the county health officer extended the order tonight citing a high number of high cases and testing. san diego residents will be staying home for a few more weeks. >> the reality is the likelihood that will happen is likely. >> ten people are dead after an out break at the assisted liing facility. today governor newsom announced a first of its
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