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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  May 20, 2020 12:36am-1:07am PDT

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your world. you know, i was thinking about it over the weekend. this would be a great time to go to rehab. wouldn't it? i mean, really, what's the difference? and who would know? our president. may be headed that way. ronald mcdonald trump dropped a doozy yesterday. he sent the press into a frenzy, announcing that, remember that drug he had high hopes for and then they did some studies and found that it did not help covid patients and in fact, made them more likely to die? well yesterday, trump announced that he's taking it! >> front line workers, many, many are taking it. i happen to be taking it. i happen to be taking it. i'm taking it, hydroxychloroquine, right now. couple weeks ago, started taking it. because i think it's -- i've heard a lot of good stories. >> jimmy: he's heard a lot of good stories. he got a checkup from dr seuss. you have to hand it to trump, just when you think he can't get any crazier, he starts popping
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fda-disapproved drugs. and telling everyone else to try it, too. why the president would take drugs that his own health agencies, the nih and the fda do not recommend as a preventative treatment for the coronavirus, is a mystery to all of us. but when donald trump digs in, he is dug, no matter what the consequence >> can you explain, sir, what is the evidence that it has a preventive effect. >> here we go, you ready? here's my evidence. i get a lot of positive calls about it. >> jimmy: he gets a lot of positive calls. he hears a lot of good stories and gets a lot of positive calls. about it. our president is a hydroxy moron. i know it's hard to process, but are we surprised that the guy who thought windmills cause cancer thinks a lupus drug kills coronavirus? i looked up the side effects of this miracle drug trump is taking, they include -- "severe mood or mental changes"" check. "feeling that others can hear your thoughts." check. "feeling, seeing or hearing
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things that are not there." check. "large, hive-like swelling on the face, lips, tongue, throat, hands, legs, feet, and sex organs." let's say check. and diarrhea. if i was a reporter in the white house press pool, every question i ask from now on would be about diarrhea. "mr president, have you been experiencing any diarrhea?" "mr president, i have a question about the economy. is that giving you diarrhea?" you know when you go to the gas station and there's that rack of pills that claim they make your penis bigger, and you think "who actually buys those?" well, the answer is our president. >> i get a lot of tremendously positive news on the hydroxy, and i say, hey, you know the expression i've used, john? what do you have to lose? okay, what do you have to lose. i have been taking it for about a week and a half. >> have you had any symptoms, sir? >> zero symptoms, i test every couple of days they want to test me.
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>> jimmy: i think it's an improvement. the truth is, i don't think trump has any idea what drugs he's taking. he's like a dog. mike pompeo just puts a bunch of pills in peanut butter and feeds it to him. why would he do this? why would he do this, to prevent coronavirus, and not wear a mask? i thought about it for a long time last night. and i've come to what i think is the only reasonable conclusion. he's trying to kill himself. remember how we all said he didn't really want to be president? he wished he was at home, at mar a lago playing golf and finding ways to humiliate his friends? that he's miserable in the white house? well guess what? i think we were right. and i think he's had enough. i think he's worried he might get re-elected, despite the fact that he's done everything possible to make sure no one would ever want to vote for him again he colluded with russia. he extorted ukraine. he declared his love for kim jong-un. he made fun of john mccain. he threw paper towels at puerto ricans. he paid off a porn star. in the middle of a pandemic, he
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wants to reopen the mall. he stared directly into an eclipse and none of it worked. he's still popular and still trapped in that white house. and there's only one way out. a big glass of bleach with a hydro and z pack chaser! i don't think people understand. this is a cry for help. everyone is paying attention, but no one is paying attention. his twitter feed alone is basically the world's longest suicide note. he hates his life. and, of course he does! imagine having to live every day knowing that at any minute, don jr or eric could walk in and say "hi, dad." its a nightmare! i'm amazed he's made it this long. donald trump could be the first president who ever tried to assassinate himself. and somebody needs to watch him. he really outdid himself this time. even other idiots are going, "don't be an idiot." trump lashed out last night, at fox news. after neil cavuto of fox news had the temerity to warn his viewers that this miracle drug is not recommended.
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trump saw it and wrote, "@foxnews is no longer the same. we miss the great roger ailes. you have more anti-trump people, by far, than ever before. looking for a new outlet!" "the great roger ailes," a man who was accused of sexually harassing at least 20 employees before being forced out and dropping dead. he's looking for a new outlet. hey, if you're looking for a new outlet, might i suggest this one? rub your tongue up against that. i'm going to sum up the current state of america for you. yesterday, neil cavuto, informed his viewers that an experimental drug the president is taking could kill them. and the president responded. by retweeting a guy calling neil cavuto "an ass [ bleep ]." and the guy he retweeted, his profile picture is al bundy, and his bio says "my stash of lesbian porn proves i'm not homophobic." the president read his post, smiled, nodded and retweeted it. meanwhile, nancy pelosi last
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night, she hit trump right in the old bread basket! >> as far as the president is concerned, um, the, the uh, he's our president, and i would rather he not be taking something that has not been approved, uh, by the scientists, especially in his age group and in his, shall we say, weight group, where he's morbidly obese, they say. >> jimmy: "yes, what's the technical term, anderson? i believe they call it, fatty-fatty boom-boom?" yes? it's coming at him from all sides now. and so what is his plan? no, not more testing. his plan, which is always his backup plan, is to attack barack obama! >> so many things are happening, but i think president obama was an incompetent president. he did a terrible job. and by the way, there was great division in our country with president obama. >> jimmy: and now we're totally united! all the colors of the rainbow
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have finally come together! thanks to me. trump has been trying desperately to stir up obama drama. his latest invention is called "obamagate." trump has accused obama of something. we're not exactly sure what. but he described it as "the greatest political crime in the history of our country." a crime that has been embraced by the president's remaining buddies at fox news. >> obamagate. >> obamagate. >> obamagate. >> obamagate. >> obamagate. >> what did obama know, and when did he know it? and what about joe biden? where was he when it happened? why won't he talk about it? was hillary clinton complicit? construction, conspiracy, unmasking the deep state. peter strzok, sasha and malea, light bulbs. whatever this is, it's big. the scandal that could end the obama presidency.
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obamagate, the truth comes out, a fox news special report. >> jimmy: i'd watch that. we have a good show for you tonight. we'll have a very special, very animated performance from gorillaz. and be right back with janelle monáe. ♪ >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by progressive. hi. uh, can you tell me how to get to i-70, please? o-okay, are you -- ah, yes. thank you. switch to progressive and you can save hundreds. you know, like the sign says. switch to progressive and you can save hundreds. when visible set out to create the future of phone service... we tossed the stuff that wasn't working. stuff like foot-long bills and fees from nowhere.
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♪ ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to jimmy kimmel live from my house. later on, we have a unique and unprecedented performance from gorillaz. tomorrow night, patton oswalt will join us. and on thursday, kevin hart my guest tonight is an eight-time grammy-nominee who writes, produces and acts on the side. she made a show, before we weren't allowed to do that season two of 'homecoming'
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premieres friday on amazon prime. please welcome janelle monáe. hi, janel, how are you? >> hi, what's up, jimmy? how are you? >> jimmy: hi, you look very stylish for someone who's been trapped inside for months. >> well, if you knew what was going on underneath all this, it's not the same genre. >> jimmy: where are you quarantining? are you at home? >> i'm in l.a., in a residence, i'm surrounded by animal life. >> jimmy: i see. >> they keep me company. >> jimmy: what kind of animals, besides that stuffed sheep or whatever that is? >> it's like a little, a nice, a nice sheep, but, you know what, it's fake. it's not really a sheep. i don't want anyone coming after me. >> jimmy: if it was a sheep, it would be a weird sheep for sure. >> i agree. >> jimmy: are you going outside? are you taking walks and experiencing nature and all those things that we need to do? >> i'm trying, i'm trying. but i feel like i'm in a really bad science fiction movie.
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everybody with the masks on. some people don't have them on. i'm a little scared to go out, because you don't know who's going to zombie contaminate you. which is horrible. >> jimmy: people won't move, when you're walking toward them and they're not wearing a mask. they're looking at you like look at this jerk wearing a mask and you're looking at them like look at this jerk not wearing a mask. >> yeah, it's definitely a jump d judgment day for sure. >> jimmy: i know you've been instagraming and zooming, right? >> i have, i always deejay for the last few years but never had the time to do it. it's been really healing, listening to other folks' music and, you know, just kind of healing through their music.
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>> jimmy: what's your go-to, old school record that you play when you are deejaying, when you really want to get people going? >> hmm, one of the things that i love, i think stevie wonder. >> jimmy: uh-huh. i think he's like the ultimate, like feel-good party starter. so i probably may play "as", or maybe i'll play earth wind and fire, which i love. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah, i've been listening to a lot of hip-hop, i've been listening to the new megan mcstallion featuring beyonce remix. that's been fun, listening to a lot of strong, powerful women. >> jimmy: speaking of strong, powerful women, your executive producer on your show is julia roberts. she was on the show last season, she's not on the show this season, is that correct >> no, she's not on second season. her character was never supposed to come back. >> jimmy: but you're working together as producer and star?
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>> yes, yes. she passed me the baton, and i'm forever thankful for her. it was her performance on season one that made me want to do the show. and i got an opportunity to tell her on set how much she meant to me. >> jimmy: did she wash her hands before she passed you the baton? >> listen, now she better have. things were a little more safe. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but, no, she was watching one of our scenes, stephan james is an incredible actor, and he was my scene partner doing the scene we were doing and all of a sudden we hear a loud, ah! scream. because you can hear a fruit fly snap. and one of the production people stepped in and said, i think she likes it. that was julia roberts. and we were, like, oh, my goodness. that's the biggest compliment
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you can get from someone like her. meant a lot. >> jimmy: yeah, absolutely. so you've chosen our charity for tonight, charity is project isaiah, this is something that you are personally involved with, yes? >> yes, i am partnering with private isaiah. we fed 5,000 people in atlanta, georgia over two weekends. this organization saves, like, 500 worker jobs. they are partnering with gate gourmet, who does all the food. and what, what we do is we call it wondalunch. we get volunteers to come, and can you drive up between 12:00 and 3:00 p.m. and you can just get your meal delivered in the trunk of your car, or if you walk up, have on your mask, have on your gloves, and we'll serve you that way. but i've been trying to not be so angry about the current
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administration and the way things are going and information being hidden and just figure out how can i help. so they've been a great partner. >> jimmy: the best thing you can do is make something positive and help other people. the website is isaiah.org. you can go there, and not only do you have this tv show, the charity initiative going on, you have a movie coming out, a scary movie called "antebellum. it's coming out in theaters, hopefully on august 21st, if all goes well. have you seen the trailer? >> yes. >> jimmy: i want you to turn out the lights in your home so you can really fully absorb it. here it is. let's watch it, janelle monae in her movie "antebellum." ♪
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>> jimmy: welcome back to jimmy kimmel live from my house. here now with a socially-distanced performance of aries, guerillaz. ♪ >> good evening. aries. ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ i'm looking out at a volcano trying to read the world today ♪ ♪ and see where you're at i never do that i'm a model that is uncomplicated you can play ♪ ♪ a happy tune on me but don't turn me off 'cause then i'm silent ♪ ♪ i'm standing on a beach in the distance and even though you're faraway can you ♪
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♪ see my red light it's waiting to turn green i feel so isolated without you i can't ♪ ♪ play a happy tune on my own so stay by my side high or low tide high tide high tide ♪ ♪ high tide high tide high tide high tide high tide high tide and it feels like ♪ ♪ i'm falling in again high tide high tide high tide high tide high tide high tide high tide high tide ♪ ♪ high tide and it feels like i'm falling in again ♪
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♪ high tide high tide ♪ ♪ high tide high tide high tide high tide high tide high tide high tide high tide ♪ ♪ and it feels like i'm falling in again high tide high tide high tide high tide high tide ♪ ♪ high tide high tide high tide and it feels like i'm falling in again ♪ ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you
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just $25 for your first month. join us at visible.com. >> jimmy: welcome back to jimmy kimmel live from my house. these are crazy times for all of us. and most americans in quarantine could use a break right now. people like matt, who helped his daughter with algebra. even though he barely passed algebra himself. and cynthia. who pitched in to keep her local pizzeria afloat, by going on an all pizza diet. these extraordinary citizens deserve our gratitude, they deserve respect, and they deserve a break, with a 6 pack of coors light. citizens like tom. whose teenage son got a drum set right before lockdown. but tom never made the kid stop. and claire. who spent her 21st birthday, going through old photo albums with her mom. and didn't break down in hysterics once. if you know someone who needs a break, share their story with coors light on twitter.
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people like rich and cal, two brothers, who are completely exhausted from cheering their team, even though they're watching a game from 2006. of your inexplicable enthusiasm, we stand in awe. that is all the time we have. i'd like to thank janelle monae, gorillaz, and apologize to matt damon. patton oswalt will be with us tomorrow. nightline is next. thanks for watching and remember, it's always a good idea to cut your own bangs. first county in the bay area to reopen for dine i restaurants and more. >> when you get a covid-19 test before going to the dentist? might have to. >> when the summer sizzle arrives.
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>> our restaurant owners are excited. they can reopen. they also know that they need to have all the protocol in place to do so. as safely as possible. >> tonight napa county the first in the bay area to get the okay from the state to move further into phase 2. that means dine in restaurants. shopping malls and other businesses can reopen. keep in mind that doesn't mean the doors will be thrown wide open. good evening. thank you for joining us. >> because of the pandemic our efforts to build a better bay area are focussed on four key areas. the reopening of the county is a key part of the recovery. napa says it's ready to move forward sfwl the table

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