so, maybe i'm not hosting a show. maybe i'm crazy! speaking of crazy, we have a bigly milestone on the way. this weekend, donald trump celebrates his birthday, number 74! so break out the ketchup and cake. donald trump was born on june 14th, 1946, when a pile of soggy cheese fries was struck by a bolt of orange lightning. trump supporters in florida, michigan and arkansas are holding events to celebrate. and what better way to honor the president than by gathering, to contract the very virus whose existence he denies? by the way, here's one of donald trump's old birthday invitations from a party he had in 1994. the theme was "trump: lord of the financial jungle." that's him and marla maples in jungle garb. this card is amazing for so many reasons. this was 26 years ago and nothing depicted in it now exists. that body is fake, the casino

went bankrupt, the marriage ended, that hair is gone. even the elephant in the background was shot and killed by donald jr. the president had a busy day of travel today, but he did find time to tweet. a lot. last night, he wrote about occupy protests in washington state. he must have been watching tv and tweeted "radical left governor @jayinslee and the mayor of seattle are being taunted and played at a level that our great country has never seen before. take back your city now. if you don't do it, i will. this is not a game. these ugly anarchists must be stooped immediately. move fast!" they must be stooped! the mayor of seattle tweeted in response "go back to your bunker." oh, that bunker thing must be driving him nuts. why he gets involved in this sort of thing, i have no idea. but he is clearly surrounded by people who are "stooped." the award for most stooped this week goes to trump's chief

economic advisor, larry kudlow, who astonished even the most hardened among us by saying this. >> you said you don't believe in systemic racism? >> i do not. >> at all in the u.s.? >> i do not. >> systemic racism against african-americans in the united states? >> i'll say it again, i do not. >> jimmy: "sir, one more question. can you name a black person? just one. go ahead." i mean, that's so stupid i don't think even donald trump would say it! this, by the way, is the same guy who said coronavirus was contained three months ago and he's still there. still reporting for duty. only the best people. on the other side of the coin, the side lincoln is on, nascar yesterday announced that they will no longer allow confederate flags at their race events. they put out a statement saying the flag runs contrary to providing a welcoming and inclusive environment for fans, and a lot of fans didn't like that. lots of tweets. "you picked the losing side of this battle. good luck with that."

i don't know. pretty sure the confederacy was the losing side of the battle. "pretty soon we will have radios in the car playing rap music." oh, heavens no. "but i bet people can fly their rainbow flags all day." right. from now on, nascar is gonna be one big gay parade. "bye bye nascar. i have been a fan for 50 plus years. stay out of politics and social issues. just race!" actually, race is exactly what this is about. and, "welp just another sport i won't watch. gonna have a lot of time traveling this beautiful country, fishing and spending time with my grandchildren." i have bad news for your pal. in ten years, your grandchildren will be describing you as "my racist grandpa." so nascar now has done more to fight racism than the white house. but the president is getting back out there. tonight he pressed the flesh at a fundraiser in dallas. no masks, of course. that's nuts. having parties, shaking hands. dallas isn't even a safe place

for presidents when there isn't a virus. and he is week-ending at his golf club in new jersey. see that? he's fighting the pandemic and racism at the same time, by not wearing a mask to his very white golf club. the president is planning to hit the road with a series of campaign rallies, starting in tulsa next week. big crowds are expected. and even welcomed. but anyone who gets a ticket has to agree in writing not to sue trump if they get sick. for real. you have to click this liability release to register. it's like being pregnant on a rollercoaster. but go ahead and take a big swig of bleach before you come anyway. i guess the plan is to just ignore the virus now and hope it goes away. because yesterday, republicans announced they are likely to move their convention to jacksonville, because north carolina, where it was supposed to take place, isn't cray-cray enough for their current level of cray. they are not interested in safety. what they're promising is that

this will be a blowout bash! >> want to keep america great? join us in jacksonville, for the 2020 republican national convention, with all your favorite stars and, no social distancing! monday, august 24th, we're packing in more mouth-breathing deplorables than ever before, and we're turning off the ventilation! how do you like that, lib-tards? hungry? take an overcrowded elevator. no napkins, no sneeze guards, no utensils allowed. dig up a handful of shrimp and say, fork you! the excitement is contagious. >> must be over 18. no shirt, no shoes, no problem. not responsible for what happens two weeks later. >> jimmy: florida, still the number one place to die.

this is good. every city is handling this virus in its own way. but the new york public health department got involved. in new york, they put out a safer sex fact sheet. this is real. this is from the city of new york. they recommend that during intercourse you should wear a face covering or mask. okay. fun. they suggest that you masturbate together. unl you know, i've tried that. it's not the same since they closed the movie theaters. they tell you to be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls that allow sexual contact while preventing close face-to-face contact. in other words, glory holes. new york city is recommending glory holes. they tell you to skip sex if you or your partner aren't feeling well. most wives have that one covered and that medical conditions that could put you at risk during sex include lung disease, heart disease, diabetes, obesity. so good news for melania with

that one i guess. they even provided tips for group sex. large gatherings of any type are not safe during covid-19. but if you decide to find a crowd, below are tips to reduce your risk of spreading or getting covid-19. limit the size of your guest list. keep it intimate. just friends and family at the orgy for now. pick larger, more open, and well ventilated space. bring an alcohol-based hand sanitizer. can you imagine rolling into an orgy with a pump bottle of purell? everyone will be required to wear these andrew cuomo underpants, which are available now on etsy. we have our own expert on the show on sex and everything else. from her home in los angeles it's time for a quarantine edition of dear aunt chippy. ♪ >> okay. here we are. now that my upstairs neighbors

are home all day, all they do is have sex. what's something simple i could yell at them to make them stop? fire! just yell fire! i'm sure they will stop having sex if they hear "fire." what a moron. ah. >> jimmy: well, thanks, aunt chippy. we have a good show for you tonight. we have music from the clark sisters, and we'll be back with keke palmer. ♪ family, well bless your heart ♪ ♪ family, all in this together ♪ ♪ family, we're taking a chance ♪ ♪ family, like birds of a feather ♪ ♪ family, kick off your shoes and dance ♪ ♪ family, like birds of a feather ♪ ♪ family, kick off your shoes and dance ♪

mmm. (chef) ah-hem. hvr seasoning. table 7. brushing only reaches 25% of your mouth. hvr seasoning. listerine® cleans virtually 100%. helping to prevent gum disease and bad breath. never settle for 25%. always go for 100. bring out the bold™ ♪ we stick together, ♪ for worse or for better ♪ (yeah) ♪ through any kind of weather, ♪ (yo)

♪ you're my friend in need. ♪ (come on, come on) ♪ we stick... ♪ ...tonight? alexa, ask buick to start my encore gx. ♪ nice buick! thanks! four fillets. you know this dinner's for their... ...kids. i'm a dinosaur! i hope dinosaurs like salmon. they hate it. the first-ever buick encore gx. they hate it. hey guys want to stack different pringles flavors to create new flavor combos? here i'll... go first. pizza, barbeque and ja-lapeño. the spicy barbecue pizza stack. get him! grandpa what's going on? we're trapped in a pringles commercial, they must have taken us in our sleep.

stack pringles flavors make new ones. i'm going to need you to ... never mind. can't touch this. ♪ help! can't touch this. ♪ (baby cries) you can't touch this. new cheetos popcorn. bbut what if you couldg do better than that? like adapt. discover. deliver, in new ways, to new customers. what if you could come back stronger? faster. better. at comcast business, we want to help you not just bounce back,

but bounce forward. and now, with one of our best offers ever, we're committed to helping you do just that. get a powerful and reliable internet and voice solution for only $29.95 a month for three months. call or go online today. ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live" from my house. later on the show we have

something very special. they have three grammys, and a movie on lifetime called "the clark sisters: first ladies of gospel." the legendary clark sisters will take us to church on a thursday night. next week, join us with mark ruffalo, sarah paulson, bill burr, the roastmaster general jeff ross and amy schumer too. our guest tonight is an actress, activist, recording artist and talk show host. she is also the star of an inspiring viral video, please welcome keke palmer. hi, keke. >> how are you? it's good to see you, man, in this new surrounding. >> jimmy: it's good to see you, too. i like that painting you have on the wall. >> i like those logs in the back. >> jimmy: thanks, everybody loves my logs. i think of you as a very upbeat person, and i think every keke has to be an upbeat person. it just goes with the name. are you feeling upbeat? >> um, i think, i do feel upbeat. i'm a positive person by nature, but i do think my empathic side

is being weighed down by what's going on right now. >> jimmy: this video i referenced has 25 million views. before we show it, i want to ask, have you been to a protest of any kind before? >> um, yes. i mean, i went to the protests in ferguson for mike brown. i've been to many different protests, but not one look this in a time like, i mean, like e this. i think especially with all the stuff that was happening with quarantine, so kind of just being around that many people at once was, it was a lot. it was different. it was a different energy, i think, because none of us had been anywhere in a while. >> jimmy: were you thinking about what you might say if you were confronted with, in this case, national guard? had you thought about that before you said what you said? >> no. i didn't plan on really seeing anybody out there like that out there. we were just marching, walking, i hadn't been around much people

in a while, so i really, really wanted to be out there and protest for this cause. and then i saw, though, the national guardsmen, and they were like blocking us from going further with the peaceful protest. and i think in that moment i was just kind of, i was weirded out a bit and kind of confused i think from a genuine, naïve place of being confused as to why there's this separation between us, like they're human like i'm human. i know they have a job to do, but i don't know, i felt like, why can't they be with us, marching with us. especially now, i feel like even with what happened with general milley, there's a division from every angle, whether you're in the military, black, white, whatever. we all need to come together, and i think i just was really overwhelmed, and i didn't know really what i was saying. i was just really speaking from my heart and how i was feeling, and, you know, that was that. >> jimmy: let's take a look at what happened there. >> you have people in here that need your help.

this is when you, y'all stand together with the community, with society, to stop, to stop the governmental oppression, period. we need you. >> i agree but. >> so march with us. y'all get your people, march beside us, march beside us. letted the revolution be televised. show us that you are here for us. make history with us. >> we are protecting some of these businesses. >> okay, okay. will you do me a favor? can you do me a favor? can you take a knee? can you make a knee? that ain't enough for me. >> thank you! >> thank you. >> jimmy: now you said you didn't feel like the knee was enough from those guys. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah, because i felt like we had an opportunity in that moment to, you know, we have the current administration making a point to make a statement about division.

i felt like let's just come together. let's be beyond that. let's be beyond what's happening. it was a risk. i understand he has a job to do. but i think in my mind i was just thinking, what if your job is telling you to do something you don't believe in, i know you want to be out here with me. i know we want to walk side by side, so let's just do it. >> jimmy: i think that's a dilemma a lot in the military have. i heard you got a call from joe biden. >> he wanted to talk to me after that i suppose. we had a conversation. i didn't get to ask him everything i wanted to ask him, but it was good to talk, you know, and hear what he's talking about and what he's saying. you know, right now. >> jimmy: mm-hm. and did you feel that he is on the right track? >> such a loaded question, right? because i mean, i guess he was, so i guess he was cool, but i

can't say i was, after the convo i felt thrilled or excited per se, but it was good to talk and just to hear first hand. >> jimmy: did you tell joe when you had him on the phone that you have a new single out called "thick"? >> no, i did not share with joe my new single "thick". i didn't share that with joe. i probably would have put him out with that. he would have fell out. he not ready for the thickness. >> jimmy: i like the idea behind "thick." tell everybody what the song's about. >> so i've been having so much fun with my music lately, a moment of spontaneity. just being able to have fun and not overthink too much. i've got my new song, "thick." we've been in quarantine, i've been getting really thick. you're in the house. you're eating. >> jimmy: i know. the refrigerator's in the house is the problem. if i could move the refrigerator to work i would be okay. hey, every night i will be

making a donation, and tonight you've chosen the charity black visions collective. tell us a little about that. >> i like the black visions collective because they're talking about the future of black people, and also what i love about them specifically is they include the lgbtq community. sometimes they can be overshadowed. that's what i think mostly i was excited about, it's all black lives matters. >> jimmy: the website is blackvisions mn.org. thank you very much, keke. great to see you. >> thank you, it's good seeing you, too, man. i hope we get to see each other soon in person. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with music from the clark sisters. >> dicky: portions of jimmy kimmel live are brought to you by the makers of dixie plates and cups.

a tomorrow that says "bay-can." not "bay-can't." ♪ ♪ where fresh eggs rain like... opportunity. ♪ ♪ goodness is spread. ♪ ♪ and the frosty is ccino-ed. tomorrow brings more. like buy-any-of-these- and-get-another- for-just-a-dollar kind of more. no matter what, tomorrow's lookin' good! tomorrow also available today. whether it's bribes ...or an overdue makeover. get all your pet essentials right when you need them, with curbside pickup at petsmart. just order online, drive up, check-in, and pick up. ♪ yeah ♪

♪ y-yeah ♪ ♪ yeah ♪ hey, hey

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is brought to you by mercedes benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live" from my house. this -- you are going to like this. the clark sisters. >> jimmy kimmel, thank you so much for having us. we want you to declare victory in your life. ♪ ♪ we declare victory victory over your life every now and then it's hard to see ♪

♪ but you got to decree and see victory we declare victory victory over your life ♪ ♪ don't be dismayed god knows your need but you got to decree and see victory ♪ ♪ it may appear like you've been knocked down but with god you won't be bound ♪ ♪ just open up your mouth speak a word over your life ♪ ♪ don't fear we walk by faith and not by sight we declare victory victory over your life ♪

victory over your life ♪ ♪ every now and then it's hard to see but you got to decree and see victory ♪ ♪ stop speaking negativity in your atmosphere just walk in your authority for the ♪ ♪ lord is near i serve notice to the enemy you can't have my family ♪ ♪ you can't have my mind you can't have my life cause jesus said i come that you might have ♪ ♪ life abundantly prosper and be

in good health ♪ give me your hand! i can save you... lots of money with liberty mutual! we customize your car insurance so you only pay for what you need! only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪ ♪ we stick together, ♪ for worse or for better ♪ (yeah) ♪ through any kind of weather, ♪ (yo) ♪ you're my friend in need. ♪ (come on, come on) ♪ we stick... ♪ nyquifor your worst cold andrful relieflu symptoms, on sunday night and every night. nyquil severe.

the nightime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, best sleep with a cold, medicine. digiorno has 7 delicious crusts. and your family food critics will rave. "rising crust is fresh-baked deliciousness." "stuffed crust is literally mouth-watering." there's a five-star pizza for everyone in your family to love. it's not delivery, it's digiorno. add some resistance. sara, your movie plus trial is about to expire. do you want to continue or cancel? ♪ capital one knows life doesn't update you about your credit card. so meet eno...the capital one assistant that looks out for charges that might surprise you and helps you fix them. another way capital one is watching out for your money when you're not.

what's in your wallet?

♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live" from my house. even though it feels like we have all been sitting around doing nothing for months, quarantine has actually been busy for most of us. but as guillermo recently learned, it doesn't have to be hard. >> guillermo: i know it seems like i don't work too much, but i have a lot on my plate. i have to exercise. help me! help me! i have to give my son a haircut. i have to make dinner. and then i have to do the dishes. hey, dixie, take something off my plate.

>> dicky: what can dibs dixie take off your plate? head to dixie off my plate.com, and tell dixey what they can take off your plate, whether it's help with the dishes, a new lawnmower or an epic way to occupy the kids. you could be one of 500 winners selected each week. >> guillermo: thank you, dixie. >> dicky: share your need with dixie at dixieoffmyplate.com. >>. >> guillermo: are you sure you know what you're doing? >> jimmy: that is the time we have. i'd like to thank keke palmer, the clark sisters, and apologize to matt damon. "nightline" is next. now if you'll excuse me, i'm gonna go stand in front of the refrigerator. goodnight. the san francisco sheriff responds to a criminal investigation into one of his captains after video surfaces of his captain shoving protesters from behind. two virtual meetings in oakland addressing structural racism and police reform. new opening guidelines and the rush expected to come along wit. how santa cruz county is

preparing. blustery cooler weather ahead. i'll have a preview coming up. abc7 news at 11:00 starts right now. >> building a better bay area for a safe and secure future, this is abc7 news. >> bars, gyms, casinos, and hotels will reopen across california tomorrow. they've all been given the green light by the state, a sign most counties are moving into stage three of reopening. sonoma, solano, napa and contra costa counties are approve in order phase. in sonoma county, this will be the first weekend wineries can reopen their tasting rooms. several other bay area counties are moving a bit slower in reopening, but are still making progress. in san francisco tomorrow, restaurants will be able to open for outdoor dining. in marin county, a big step. indoor retail sales will be allowed. house cleaning services can also start back up. abc7 news special correspondent dr. alok patel says how people behave during these ph c