happy most boring cinco de mayo to you. happy cinco de mayo, guillermo. >> happy cinco de mayo to everybody! >> what do you have planned today? >> i'm going to drink tequila and eat tacos like almost every night. >> it's like if there was a pinata stuffed inside another pinata today. be careful, we don't want to lose you. remember a few years ago, the president posted a stupid picture with the message, happy cin cinco de today he posted it again. remember this, happy cinco de

mayo. trump was up very late last night watching tv and rage tweeting at 12:46 a.m., and today he wrote, wow, congratulations to greg gutfeld. his ratings easily beat no talent stephen colbert, and whacko last placer jimmy kimmel. i think this was another typo situation. i think what he meant to tweet is, i'm completely devastated by the loss of life caused by this insidious virus. my thoughts are with the families whose loved ones have passed. p.s., congrats to greg gutfeld, that's better, right? he does seem to be familiar with all the late night shows.

i heard if you snort enough add add adderall, you can watch them all at once. the president going to a factory where they manufactured n-95 masks. the big question was, would he wear a mask? let's find out. ♪ >> no, he did not. i love that they didn't turn the volume on the guns and roses down even one notch. i can think of no better metaphor for this presidency than donald trump not wearing a face mask to a face mask while the song live and let die blares in the background. and testing, that's how we can

make it safe to go back to work. it seems like a no-brainer. but no-brainers are sometimes hard to get a bead on when you have no brains. >> the antibody tests, look, we have so much testing, i don't think you need that kind of testing or that much testing. but some people disagree with me, some people agree with me. >> right. doctors disagree, and crazy people agree. this is a guy by the way who has every person who comes to the white house, they're tested. but for us, the testing, not so necessary. and the president isn't the only one pushing. chris christie said there will be deaths no matter what. so we might as well get back to work. i like the idea that chris christie is telling us what the healthy thing for our is. he doesn't get his pizza sliced,

he just gets it round. people are never talking about their own deaths. open the outback steakhouse, governor christie needs a bloomin' onion. and at our house, every week is teacher appreciation week. children are wonderful to a point. a point we passed about 35 days ago. we're lucky to have teachers to pawn them off on. we asked parents about their gratitude for teachers on this very special day. >> dear teachers -- >> thank you. >> thanks for all you do. >> every single day. >> we never fully appreciated you. >> we took you for granted. >> but having our kids at home has taught us -- >> beyond a shadow of a doubt. >> that our children -- >> our children. >> our sweet, beautiful children

are terrible. >> selfish. >> impossible monsters. >> who suck our life force. >> begging for snacks like zoo animals. >> all day on tiktok. >> and youtube. >> while i'm printing out 500 wo worksheets. >> and trying to figure out what the hell the water cycle is. >> there's jelly on my laptop. >> thank you, teachers. >> thank you. >> how are you not all alcoholics? >> you deserve more money. >> much more. >> how does the president make more than you do? >> we promise to never -- >> ever. >> ever take you for granted again. >> thank you for taking our toddlers and teenagers -- >> for seven magical hours every day. >> dad, where are you? >> shut up!

>> this message brought to you by trojan ultra thick condoms. next time, double up. >> teachers, thank you. when we come back, our first ever visit from jerry seinfeld. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [10th gen intel bong]

♪ tomorrow can only be better with wendy's breakfast. win with a breakfast baconator, honey butter chicken biscuit, sausage egg and swiss croissant or frosty-ccino. and get another for a dollar. you and wendy's breakfast. tomorrow is lookin' good! ♪ ♪ ♪

for ralphie's appointment. who's his groomer? carrie. full groom for sure what? i just booked ralphie's appointment online. that work? wait you what? it's that easy! download the app or book online at petsmart.com new force flex plus, bright colors febreze freshness. new force flex plus, bright colors with moderate to severe treplaque psoriasists uncover clearer skin that can last. in fact, tremfya® was proven superior to humira® in providing significantly clearer skin. tremfya® may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms or if you had a vaccine or plan to. serious allergic reactions may occur. tremfya®. uncover clearer skin that can last. janssen can help you explore cost support options.

(brad) apartments-dot-com makes easier than ever.w home (brokenhearted guy) i thought you loved me. [brokenhearted guy sobs] ♪ apartments-dot-com. the most popular place to find a place.

♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live" from my house. my guest tonight is making his first appearance on our show. he is one of my and everyone's favorites. his excellent new stand-up special "jerry seinfeld: 23 hours to kill," it comes out on netflix today. please welcome jerry seinfeld.

hi, jerry. >> hey, jimmy, how's it going. >> jimmy: now i feel underdressed. you're the first person who's dressed up on the show from home. >> i am a real professional comedian, and this is my first time on your show and i thought this was kind of a big moment. >> jimmy: now i feel dumb. >> i wanted to dress. >> jimmy: how are you handling your hair? are you letting anyone touch your hair during the pandemic? are haircuts okay? it looks good. >> i have a clipper, and after the show, i'm going to have my wife clip it down to about a half-inch, and that will last me about three months. >> jimmy: you trust her with that duty? >> no, but i'm going to do it anyway. >> jimmy: are you in the office right now or the hallway or where? >> yes, this is my office in my house long island. >> jimmy: nice. and you have records there. do you listen to lps?

>> robert kline, george carlin on the bottom. i set that up just for this. >> jimmy: did you really? >> yeah. sure. >> jimmy: because i, very carefully, picked which cookbooks i would have on my desk so all the chefs watching would know and be excited. only one of them has been watch watch watchling. we'll see if the others tune in. have you been watching the espn bulls, michael jordan "the last dance"? >> i'm the last person to log on to that, but i will get to it, i know i will get to it. i haven't seen it yet, but i heard about this part, but i don't know what it is. >> jimmy: that's great, let's play the clip so jerry can see it along with us. >> how you doing? good to see you. >> [ bleep ]. these are a couple of your good fans right here. every day they come in and watch the game, they're watching your show, sooner or later, you're going to get tired of seinfeld. >> let's go, guys.

>> hey, phil. all right, have a good game. he's kicking me out. good to see you. >> all right, good to see you, jerry. >> all right. this is not going to work, by the way. let me get that out of there. >> jimmy: were you scared of phil jackson? >> no, just too tall. >> jimmy: you know, it's funny, because phil jackson is an intimidating guy, especially when you feel like you're interrupting some kind of preparation. and i was wondering, because you did seem a little confused there in the locker room. >> yeah, well, it's not a place i would normally be. but i did, i think i had another conversation with him, because that was his last season, and i was in the middle of my last season. and i remember teasing him about who do you think is going to end bigger, him or me? >> jimmy: what's the most intimidated you've been with these athletes? because it's a strange thing when you meet some of these players you admire, even in some cases when they are younger than you are. you meet them, and you feel like a boy, for whatever reason i

don't know, but i've experienced that, have you had that? >> yes, yes. the most intimidated i ever was was when keith hernandez came on to my tv series, i think it was '92, and i had never met a baseball player. and i think the boy thing is because we're so much physically smaller than them. i remember the day keith hernandez was coming on my show, changing my shirt three times, thinking, what's the right -- should i wear light blue? it that too casual? maybe white, too dressy? >> jimmy: i saw julia louis-dreyfus talking about this, and she said it was funny watching you guys with keith hernandez, she felt like she didn't even know you. >> yeah, we were very intimidated by him. it was '92. they had just won in '86, so he was still a real idol of mine. >> jimmy: the mets should be in first place right now, getting

our hopes up. >> yes. >> jimmy: and then sliding along the way. are you missing the baseball season? >> i mean, yeah. i mean, it's like, it's like the world stopped turning. it's the superman episode, i miss everything. but i don't, also. i just, i have, you know, nature just is like, this is a moment when nature says, hey, by the way, you're nothing compared to me. but that's what this moment is. and i respect that. >> jimmy: we talked about this over the summer. you threw out the first pitch at citi field. >> yes. >> jimmy: and again, that is a situation that returns you to youth, it exposes every insecurity you have. it's a no-win situation in almost every way, because you're supposed to throw a strike or at least something resembling a strike. and how do you feel about your performance on the mound?

>> well, you know how i feel about it, because i told you. this is the greatest accomplishment of my life. my friend chuck says this is the greatest thing you've accomplished in your life, because you had to do all the other things just to get to that mound. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> so i got to the mound and i really wasn't thinking that much about it. and one of the players in the dugout says hey, you want to warm up? i go warm up, what? it's a ceremonial pitch, what's the difference? he said, you might want to warm up. so i warmed up in the locker room. and then i just threw this absolute beauty, which i think is maybe the greatest, i mean, that is a dead perfect strike. >> jimmy: you have a sidearm delivery.

it's almost full sidearm. >> yes, sidearm delivery. that's the style that i like to show off. >> jimmy: yes, you've got like a kent tekulve type delivery. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i also threw out the first pitch at citi field. >> you and i discussed this. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and you said you threw from the -- we did the same. >> ladies and gentlemen, jimmy kimmel! >> now you did very well, but i don't think you're going to get a call on that. i don't think the ump's arm is going to go up. >> jimmy: i was going for still photographs, because i feel like, unless you throw it away, they don't even show the pitch. you never see the video unless something terrible happens. >> yeah. now this is george w., which is considered one of the greatest opening pitches. and i think he's a little high. i think he's just a bit high there. >> jimmy: he had some movement on the ball there. you do have to admit that. let's look at that one more time. i think you can see, he had a little bit of movement.

>> he really -- you have heard him say this was the most nervous he was in his eight years of being president was this moment. >> jimmy: were you nervous when you threw out the first pitch? >> not until i stood on the rubber and realized, gee, 60 feet, 6 inches is kind of far. and i'm a 65-year-old man who has never played any organized baseball in my life. >> jimmy: oh, really? you've never played baseball? i assumed were you a little league guy. >> no. never had a uniform, never had anything. so i am more proud of that than anything i've ever done. >> jimmy: all right, we're sharing the sad story of jerry seinfeld's youth. when we come back, we're going to see a clip from his new comedy special on netflix. we'll be right back. ♪

♪ is all about protecting one thing: the fun! anywhere under the sun fun. sidewalk fun! long-lasting fun! poolside fun. banana boat sunscreen lasts as long as the fun does.

when we closed our wynn committed instantly to keeping all 15,000 team members on-board. we then focused our five-star level of service to all who needed it. we made improvements to people's lives. we strove to be better and we made people happy. this closure may have temporarily taken us out of wynn and encore, but it couldn't take the wynn and encore out of us. and now, we are proud to welcome you back.

people like to say those things, it is what it is, see, if you repeat a word twice in the same sentence, you can say that with a lot of confidence. business is business. rules are rules. a deal's a deal. when we go in there, as long as we know what's what and who's who, whatever happens happens, and it is what it is. >> jimmy: that is jerry seinfeld. his special is "jerry seinfeld: 23 hours to kill." it is on netflix as of today. i loved it, jerry. i really thought it was great. >> oh, thanks. thank you. >> jimmy: and it was reminding me, and i was really trying to think about what it reminded me of. it reminded me of watching steph curry play basketball, because

it looks so effortless, but it's so fluid, and you know watching it that even though it looks so easy that how much skill and practice and effort went into it. and i have to say, my favorite line of the whole thing, i know this is a little line. you said, "nobody likes anything." and i couldn't agree more. >> that was my favorite. >> jimmy: nobody likes anything. >> right. >> jimmy: yeah. are you and jessica, your wife, now that you've been in quarantine together for quite some time, are you getting along better or worse? >> better. i think everyone is getting along better in the world right now, for the most part. it's because everyone realizes this, you know, we have a unifying enemy. and i find that everybody's

trying 10% to 12% harder just to be nice. don't you find that? >> jimmy: not really, no. but i'm watching cnn all day, so i'm looking at a guy in a klan hood at the super market and people shoving a park ranger into a lake because he told them to distance themselves from each other. but at my house, yes. i am trying to behave. i am trying to clean up after myself, which i don't do, usually. i'm trying to be a better husband and roommate, more than anything. >> yes, and i enjoy playing that game. i enjoy, you know, before i ask for the ketchup, what's the nicest way you can ask for ketchup. i actually think, hey, if no one's using the ketchup, i would love a little more ketchup.

instead of just normally i would go, give me that. >> jimmy: i'm trying to do that, too. but occasionally, i'll have an offbeat -- and that was one of the things in your special. you said it's not necessarily what you say, the way you say things. >> the tone. marriage is a tone game. >> jimmy: yes. >> yeah, i think marriage is a game of chess, except the board is water, and the pieces are smoke. >> jimmy: i like that. that's what's going on with me right now. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so no matter what move you make, it will not affect the outcome of the game. >> jimmy: each night we are highlighting a charity. and you and jessica have a charity that you started 20 years ago called the good -- >> 20 years ago. >> jimmy: foundation. it's to help kids and parents with basic needs. groceries, rent, all those sorts of things. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and that is very important. you guys have been doing this.

and i heard you got a big donation from a baseball player. >> justin verlander and his wife kate upton. he donated his salary for the year, or the day, it was a lot of money, whatever it was. jess has been doing an insane job. she's on the phone all day long getting emergency grants, social workers to help people whose lives are really, really threatened by this. if you don't have any cushion under you, and then it's rent, it's food, it's diapers. and they've done an amazing job. >> jimmy: well, we are going to make a donation to the good plus foundation. we encourage you to go to their website and check them out. jerry, i have to say i loved your special. i am so happy to have you here. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i hope one day if we are ever allowed out of our homes again we can convene in los angeles on a stage with human beings around. thanks, jerry seinfeld, everybody.

>> thanks, jimmy. >> jimmy: we will be right back. thank you. ♪ for worse or for better ♪ (yeah) ♪ through any kind of weather, ♪ (yo) ♪ you're my friend in need. ♪ (come on, come on) ♪ we stick together, ♪ ♪ we make the sunshine brighter, ♪ ♪ we make it all feel better, ♪ ♪ you're my, you're my, ♪ (woo, yeah) ♪ you're my family. ♪ (yo) ♪ you're my family. ♪ hey guys want to stack different pringles flavors to create new flavor combos? here i'll... go first. pizza, barbeque and ja-lapeño. the spicy barbecue pizza stack. get him! grandpa what's going on? we're trapped in a pringles commercial, they must have taken us in our sleep. stack pringles flavors make new ones. ♪ you know limu,g after all these years it's the ones that got away that haunt me the most. [ squawks ] 'cause you're not like everybody else.

that's why liberty mutual customizes your car insurance, so you only pay for what you need. what? oh, i said... uh, this is my floor. nooo! only pay for what you need.♪ hit it, charlie! ♪matthew, say's to bring it back. the five-dollar footlong. better choice for matthew. it's back sandwich emoji.♪ five-dollar footlongs are back when you buy two. for a limited time. ♪ five-dollar footlongs are back when you buy two. ((cat 2) flook at that!! (cat 1) it's made with real farm-raised chicken! gomyawont! (cat 1) it's friskies farm favorites! (cat 2) the winning farm-ula. (woman vo) feed their fantasy.

♪ friskies (cat 1) look! friskies ocean favorites! yum!

♪ >> jimmy: that is all the time we have. i'd like to thank jerry seinfeld and apologize to matt damon. "nightline" is next. tomorrow night, we have something fun with kevin bacon and kyra sedgwick. and i'll teach you how to cut your wife's hair in her sleep. thanks for watching. good night. ♪ the search is on for this woman, accused of intentionally coughing on a baby at a store in the south bay. oakland educators rallying on monday to do away with the oakland unified school district's police department. >> president trump's executive order banned some workers from the united states, impact it

could have in silicone valley. >> how hot it's getting and where the advisories are in affect. building a better bay area, for a safe and security future. this is abc7 news. >> we don't need the cops. >> teachers joined others to protest police in schools. they are urging the board to pass a measure that could eliminate the school's police department. >> abc7 news's reporter j.r. stone has the story. >> we are no longer asking for anything. we are demanding it and taking it. policeavri paren d to the streets on foot and in cars. to make it be known they want the district's