♪ ba, da, ba, ♪ ba, da, ba, ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, ♪ jimmy kimmel live this is ridiculous. from his house. >> jimmy: hi there, you. it's me, jimmy, in my house again. which is now kind of "our" house. but don't come try to live in it. the nba seems ready to get back to work. yesterday, the league proposed 113 pages worth of safety rules and procedures for the rest of the season. first of all, all the games will be played at disney world, which right off the bat seems like the least safe place to be during a peter pan-demic. but they have a lot of precautions in place. the players will be housed together. they will quarantine ahead of time and be tested every day. players will be discouraged from licking their fingers and

clearing their noses on the court. were they encouraged to do that before this? players will be required to shower in their hotel rooms instead of the locker room. that's -- i mean, i don't think it's even worth playing basketball if you can't cap it off by scrubbing up with the team loofa! and also, no one will be allowed to touch the ball. so that sounds doable! meanwhile, our basketball-head president is about to go back on the road, but first he is fending off another round of tell-all books. trump is said to be planning to file a lawsuit against his niece, mary trump, over a forthcoming memoir that reportedly does not paint uncle donny in a positive light. this is the book. it's called "too much and never enough: how my family created the world's most dangerous man." which is a lot longer than the original title, which was "my uncle is a dick." trump claims his niece's book would violate the terms of a non-disclosure agreement he had her sign in 2001.

imagine having an nda with your niece. that's really all you need to know about someone. the other book he would very much like to keep from coming out is from a member of his inner circle, former national security advisor, john bolton. we got a few mcnuggets today and among many unbelievable claims in the book, bolton writes that trump said journalists should be executed. that he didn't know britain was a nuclear power, that he asked if finland was part of russia, he begged the chinese to help him with the election, and has a penis that looks like a mushroom. though i may have picked that u thing up from the stormy daniels book. can you imagine the president asking if finland is part of russia? he's the president of the united states! that's like your mechanic asking if the muffler is part of the glove compartment. meanwhile, remember when trump was pushing hydroxychloroquine as a coronavirus miracle drug? well, the fda this week withdrew their support for it, and now

the government is stuck with 66 million useless doses. so i guess we know what the trumps will be giving trick or treaters on halloween. for the next 30 years. cases of the virus are on the rise in more than 20 states, but most everything is opening anyway. restaurants are allowed to open here in l.a., but because of the safety measures, many of them will be half empty. so some restaurants have been using mannequins to fill the empty seats. which is very weird and raises another question. where in the world do you buy a mannequin? >> attention restaurant owners! looking mannequins to place at your social distance buffer tables but don't want to pay an arm and a leg? come and get'em at big al's gently exploded mannequins. there's headless harry. lefty, the bing-bing twins. the sparkle sisters. one-eyed willie, and jared kushner.

your customers will never know the difference. so don't be a dummy, get over to big al's house of gently exploded mannequins, right behind the dairy queen. curbside pickup available. >> jimmy: big al is the best. this is wonderful. in ventura, california, which is about 90 minutes up the 101, the city council voted to require that masks be worn inside and outside government offices, and the result of that vote was this. >> i protest face coverings! i am a healthy american! i used to be free. i am not a terrorist. i am not antifa. i am not a sex slave that wears masks. i am not into sadomasochism and bondage. >> jimmy: oh, that's too bad. you almost checked all the boxes off my list. so then what are you?

>> i am a proud trump republican! trump republican! yearning to be free again! >> jimmy: she's yearning. she's yearning to be free to go to margaritaville! >> shame on all of you! let liberty ring! ♪ god bless america ♪ land that i love >> jimmy: wait, don't stop there. go for it! finish the song! ♪ from the oceans to the prairies ♪ ♪ to the mountains white with foam ♪ >> jimmy: mountains -- white with foam? the foam seems to be coming out of your mouth. meanwhile, the president is holding a rally this weekend in tulsa, and folks like her are already lining up. >> i'm here with mike boatman, and he is from evansville, indiana, and right now you're the fourth person in line, right? >> yes, i'm the fourth. >> when did you get here?

>> i got here 28 hours ago. >> awesome. why did you want to come out here to tulsa this weekend? >> i wanted to hear president trump speak. what he does for our country, for every one of us is nothing for me to be out here six days early. >> jimmy: thank you for your sacrifice. the bait shop's loss is america's gain. this country is an absolute mess, but change is happening. a number of major companies have begun to re-think the messages sent by some of their products. pepsico announced today they're changing the name and logo for "aunt jemima," because they "recognize that aunt jemima's origins are based on a racial stereotype." the new name will be "mrs. jemima's syrup that she has willingly volunteered to share." uncle ben's is also planning to make a change to their rice. going forward, the original uncle ben will be replaced by uncle ben from "spider-man." with great power comes great rice-ponsibility. i'm sorry.

i'm sure the gang at fox news will have no problem with these changes whatsoever. i have a good idea for a new aunt jemima. if they're looking for an aunt, my aunt chippy would be great. it could be the first pancake syrup that smokes cigarettes. my aunt chippy does not sugar-coat anything, even pancakes. she barely even brushes her teeth! but she gives good advice, which is something many of our viewers need. so tonight, she is advising again with a new edition of dear aunt chippy. ♪ >> hi, this is aunt chippy from quarantine, answering your questions. dear aunt chippy, i had to cancel my wedding this summer, ah. now my fiance is pressuring me to do it. i read that you weren't a virgin when you got married. that's [ bleep ]. do you have any tips for me to satisfy my future husband? divorce him now. don't even wait for the wedding. divorce his [ bleep ]. you don't need him.

can you live fine without him. >> jimmy: she's nothing if not a romantic. we have a good show for you tonight. tonight, i'm going to get in the car to visit jeffrey ross, and we will be right back with sarah paulson. ♪ >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by programive. whoo! don't do it. don't you dare. i don't think so! [ sighs ] it's okay, big fella. we're gonna get through this together. [ baseball bat cracks ] rip, robbie. ♪ raaah! when you bundle home and auto insurance through progressive, you get more than just a big discount. i'm gonna need you to leave. you get relentless protection. [ baseball bat cracks ]

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>> jimmy: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live" from my house. in just a bit, i will get in my car and drive to the home of

comedian jeff ross for a new edition of carantine. and tomorrow night, pharrell williams will join us. my guest tonight is an emmy and golden globe winner you know from "american horror story," "american crime story," and the miniseries "mrs. america." she's very patriotic. you can see her on fx and hulu now. please welcome sarah paulson. how are you? >> i'm okay jimmy, how are you? >> jimmy: i'm okay, were you supposed to be filming a new film. >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is interesting, because this one's about the clinton impeachment, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you would be playing linda tripp, who i think you're going to put a photograph on the screen who you do not resemble in any way. marsha clark, you really transformed into her, but this will require more than just a perm. >> this is going to require a lot of things. i'll be wearing a lot of prosthetics and body

transformational accoutrement. if that's a word one can use. >> jimmy: did you meet with linda tripp before she passed away a couple months ago? >> she passed away pretty early into the quarantine situation. it was apparently not from covid-19. she died, and i never met her. just like i never met marsha until we were basically finished shooting it. it can get complicated. >> jimmy: interesting. >> i didn't meet linda, i don't know if she would have been doing anything like that. but i got as many text messages as if i'd died, like she was my best friend, i'm so sorry to hear about linda, i'm really sorry to hear about it, too. i didn't know her. i had been spending so much time reading all these books and working with a dialect coach. so i was immersed in this, it was a very wild thing and really

did make me sad. >> jimmy: that's when you know you're good actor, when you get condolences for someone you haven't even played yet. >> i was like, wow. >> jimmy: this character in "mrs. america" is not a real person, right? is it an amalgamation? >> i guess people call her the composite person. you have the composite person. it's not very exciting. like the hollow, my character, what was exciting about it was i played the one character who starts in a particular place, not just geographically, but ends up not necessarily going from the conservative side to the more liberal way of thinking but she has her eyes opened. she started out closed minded and ends up at the conference in houston and does some drugs, and

there's a kind of, a whole lot of shakin' going on, if you know what i'm sayin'. >> jimmy: not what you would typically associate with the equal rights amendment. >> no, but she went down the rabbit hole. >> jimmy: have you done everything you set out to do? did you make a list when the quarantine began and say yeah, i'm going to knock this off and that off? >> i did try to think about that, but honestly, it's a very unnerving thing for me to not be working. i realize i've been very lucky to be working a lot these last few years, so i don't know what to do with myself. i've had a new love affair with my cell phone and all my devices. i didn't know you got notifications as to how much screen time you're logging. >> jimmy: oh, yes. >> the maximum i met during this time was 11 hours and 42 minutes of screen time. >> jimmy: in one day? >> in one day. >> jimmy: what was most of it on, instagram? >> some of it was that. i'm very into the app marco

polo, where you can deposit a nice little note and not have to talk. the face time zooming thing is becoming a little like, and what are you going to say, i'm so busy? you can't get out of it. >> jimmy: there are no excuses that work. >> basically, it was a lot of listening to the coronavirus daily briefing and watching some of the stuff on my phone, since that's been disbanded yesterday my time was three hours and 16 minutes. >> jimmy: dr. fauci did a whole season of "dancing with the stars," and nobody even noticed. every night i'm making a donation to charity. you chose the loveland foundation, tell us about that. i've not heard about that one. >> it was founded, it was started by rachel cargold, a wonderful teacher and author and all in all incredible person, but she started this foundation that provides financial assistance to black women and girls seeking therapy, nationally. and she's raised a lot, you

know, they match a black woman with a black child or a black young woman to access care, mental health wise, and they pay for it. >> jimmy: excellent. >> and they raise a lot of money, and it is a wonderful organization. >> jimmy: it is loveland foundation.org. thank you, i hope you get out of the house soon. sarah paulson, everybody. we'll be back with a visit to jeff ross. ♪

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every year, you can see spectacular celebrities at aids walk san francisco. this year they are coming to you! join bette midler gloria estefan matt bomer stars of queer eye rupaul's drag race superstars. for aids walk san francisco live at home, streaming on july 19 to benefit prc and their covid relief efforts all over the city. register now at aidswalk.net

and their covid relief efforts all over the city. when we closed our wynn committed instantly to keeping all 15,000 team members on-board. we then focused our five-star level of service to all who needed it. we made improvements to people's lives. we strove to be better and we made people happy. this closure may have temporarily taken us out of wynn and encore, but it couldn't take the wynn and encore out of us. and now, we are proud to welcome you back. >> jimmy: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live" from my house. you know, video chat is fine, but i've been missing real interaction with my friends. so i came up with a safe way to socialize, which is, i drive to someone's house and yell at them from my car. and with that said, it's time to visit the roastmaster general, jeffrey ross. ♪

>> jimmy: wow. hare krishna. >> how's this move? >> jimmy: very patriotic. i like it. >> great to see you, bud. >> jimmy: it's great to see you, how you doin'? >> can i take my mask down? is it all right? >> jimmy: it may frighten, but yes, yes. is that your dog? >> yeah. it's my new dog. come here, rona, meet everybody. >> jimmy: when you found her on the street, she came to you? >> my girlfriend found her in hawthorn. she was tied to a pole with some food left. and we went, i went and got her, and now we named, we don't know her name, so we named her rona, like corona. >> jimmy: oh, nice.

>> you but now that i've got to know her, she's old and limps and smells like king kong's [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: it smells like you're a little late in here. you've been doing yoga online. >> i've been doing yoga with people on instagram, because you just can't, you have to stay grounded. people getting crazy during this whole thing. you've got to find some inner peace. >> jimmy: does it give you inner peace? >> it does. everything's changing. even religion. we used to say if someone sneezed, jimmy, we'd say "god bless you." now you say [ bleep ] get the hell away from me. >> jimmy: i like the yoga stand up. it's nice. you could make double as much money. >> not as staying home. >> jimmy: what about the president?

do you think he's doing a good job with this whole deal? >> i am fighting the war against covid-19 the same way our president fought the war in vietnam. shelter safely at home. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he wants you right out there. he wants you to get back out there, jeff, no more yoga. he wants you on the road. >> i get to stay home, chill, smoke a little, do some yoga. >> jimmy: are you careful when you go out though? >> i'm very careful. you have to be. first of all, i very rarely go out. i'm a germaphobe. the dog's a germaphobe. she won't give me her paw. she's so worried. i don't go out at all. i work from home. i sit in front of the computer all day, talking to people, dressed like porky pig. a shirt and no pants. >> jimmy: well, i like your garage. >> thank you. >> jimmy: yeah. >> there's a lot of pictures together of our old show. >> jimmy: don rickles?

what did he write on that photograph, that head shot? >> this is not actually signed by don rickles. [ laughter ] >> a fan gave me this. [ laughter ] >> we both look better with hair. >> jimmy: that's -- >> people give me weird stuff about the show, jimmy. >> jimmy: and you keep it. >> he keeps it all. >> jimmy: thanks, jeff, i miss you. >> i miss you too. it's great to see you. >> jimmy: great to see you, too, jeffrey ross. listen to his podcast and do yoga along with jeff. >> thank you. >> jimmy: wow. >> great to see you, jimmy. >> jimmy: i'll drive you to the hospital. i'll come back around. >> namaste. >> jimmy: namaste.

thank you, jeff, you're beautiful. you can join jeff and dave attell for their show "bumping mics" online, and they're doing a special virtual father's day ball-bust on saturday. you can get tickets at the address on your screen. we'll be right back. it could be the first onebe you're having with friends. in a while. this filet-o-fish could be the first lunch you made into an actual lunch break. and these mcnuggets could be your first field trip since school merged with home. whatever this order is for you, we'll be here to take it. ♪♪ contactless delivery tarright to your door,very- designed for your day.

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>> jimmy: well, that is all the time we have. i'd lake to thank sarah paulson. apologize to matt damon.

"nightline" is next, so i am going to go sit over there. goodnight. this is "nightline." tonight, the accused epstein madam, charged with recruiting underage girls for jeffrey epstein, the sex offenders ex-, now under arrest. >> she was setting him up to be sexually abused by epstein and in some cases by max wewell herself. >> jeffrey was lying there on the bed, and he goes, "sit right here." and i thought oh, god. i sat down and gill lane got on the other side of me. >> how wealth and status helped shroud decades of