i'm here tonight because i have literally nothing else to do. this is honestly just a way for me to kill time between my zoom yoga classes. and it's nice for a mexican to be invited to a mansion in hollywood and not have to trim the hedges. you know what i did actually? i hired the whitest guy on taskrabbit to come clean this house. "yo, don't forget to dust the fan blades, chad. i'll have you deported like that back to norway. i used to host a late night show myself called "lopez tonight." it's been a few years, but they say hosting late night is like riding a bike. we do it because we've had too many duis. we're going to have a lot of fun here tonight. well, i know i'm going to have a lot of fun. for all i know you saw my hair and changed the channel 10 seconds ago. this hair is something new for me. i decided 59 was the perfect age to start looking like a west hollywood brunch waiter. i went to my barber and said i want to look like a cross between danny trejo and justin bieber. brown skin and blond hair. this is what we in the latinx community call "hedging our

bets." people keep saying i remind them of someone, and i finally figured it out. i'm a cross between walter marcado, and a troll doll. just so you know, i didn't actually dye my hair. i just got scared, because the postmates guy showed up without a mask. mayor garcetti just said that los angeles may face another stay-at-home order. a second lockdown. here in la, we're just calling it a "reboot." fuller house. if you're like me and you didn't bother to get in shape for beach season, congratulations you are a winner! you know, it's not fair that rich people get to quarantine in huge mansions and poor people have to do it in tiny little apartments. i feel like this is the second time, we should switch it up, right? "oh, you were in a bel air estate the first time? this time? a studio in compton. pack your bags, trevor!" hey i want to say hello to my virtual amigo. the only mexican to ever marry a karen. guillermo!

>> guillermo: hi, everybody! hey, george, you look like fabio. >> thanks. how are you doing. >> >> guillermo: i'm doing great. >> what kind of suit do you have on? back up, let's have a look at it. what the -- back up a little more, guillermo, are you in your underwear? >> guillermo: no, i'm wearing shorts. >> thank god. don't spin, please. so how have you been handling the quarantine? >> guillermo: good, i've been drinking, eating, making sweet love to my wife. >> okay, that's enough. i'm going to call i.c.e. next time you want to make sweet love, don't be surprised. all right, guillermo, gracias. >> this is crazy.

the immigration agency "ice," or as i call it, vanilla ice, is launching a six-week "citizens academy" where they will teach ordinary people about how they arrest undocumented immigrants. this is a real thing. it's happening this september in chicago. it may be the only school open this fall. a spokesman for "ice" said "the goal is to build cages with the community. i mean bridges. the goal is to build bridges with the community." the way things are, if i was in a cage i might say, "you know what i'm good here." to pass the final exam, you have to run into an "olive garden" kitchen and yell "come out with your hands up!" why are americans so obsessed with deporting immigrants, when there are far worse home-grown u-s-a-holes that need to go. for instance, instead of kicking out a mother of four who volunteers at a food bank, why not deport this maniac who threw a fit at a grocery store, because they asked her to wear a mask? >> [ bleep ]!

[ bleep ], [ bleep ]! >> i don't give a [ bleep ]. >> [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. >> and they say all the good ones are taken. "cleanup in aisle 1...2 .4...7 " maybe she was just trying to make it into the "10 items or less" line? instead of deporting a dentist from guatemala who has been part of his community for two decades, let's deport these jackasses painting over a black lives matter mural. >> [ bleep ]. >> what's up? i'm right here. >> [ bleep ]. >> i give them a lot of credit. a lot of honkeys would have hired a mexican to do the painting. we should deport them, but we should send them straight to africa. good luck guys. instead of ousting a 24-year-old medical student who has been here since she was 2, why not get rid of costco kenny. >> you're harassing me. >> i'm not harassing you. >> i feel threatened.

i feel threatened, back off! back the [ bleep ] up, put your [ bleep ] phone down! >> yes, sir. >> i did not know they sold big boxes of steroids at costco. i guess the meditation hasn't kicked in yet. and finally, instead of deporting a church pastor, lets get rid of this shameless psychopath, who sat there hawking beans in the middle of a pandemic. >> the president posted a photo to instagram, smiling with goya products on the resolute desk. >> if only goya made self-tanner and adderall. hey donald. ask jared to google "cabron." it means "really great president." speaking of trump after three-months, he is back doing his daily coronavirus briefings. thank god. i was wondering which household cleaner to drink next. what's the point of these briefings? every word out of his mouth is a lie. even calling it a briefing is a lie. it's not brief. the guy talks for two hours.

from now on let's call it what it is, a [ bleep ] storm. the president appeared at his d. would somebody just explain to this goofball that the sooner he takes the virus seriously, the sooner he can get back to doing standup at monster truck rallies? but i would like to congratulate the president on a milestone. last week marked the 275th time he visited a golf club since becoming president. it's a wonder he has any time left to destroy the country. and last week, when people called him out on it, he tweeted that golf is his "exercise." clearly it's working. just look at that adonis. listen, i love golf. i play all the time. i love it. but golf counts as exercise the same way fox counts as news. and trump's "exercise" has cost taxpayers 137 million dollars. can't we just buy that lard ass a peloton? since we're paying for it, i want to analyze the president's

137 million dollar swing. let's take a look. so smooth and graceful, like a gazelle that was just shot by don jr. it's not surprising that trump has horrible follow through in each swing he swings like a lumberjack who missed the tree. let's see that again. freeze it there. now zoom in. look at his pants. why are his pants so high? that belt is working much harder than it needs to be. does he think that hiking up his pants makes everything below his waist invisible? from what i hear it's invisible even without pants. let's see a different angle. i see some good things here. look at his core. that's where any great golfer gets their power. he's thicc with two cs, just like his high school report card. look at those childbearing hips. it looks like his water could break right in the middle of his swing. when he yells "fore," he's giving his donut order. now let's break down his grip, cr as you can see, it's a very

unconventional grip. the way he interlaces his fingers. he has such soft, supple hands. he swings. widen back out, and he swings the club, hitting the ball. well done, mr. president. and off goes his caddy to find the ball in the woods. he has a special talent for finding trump's balls. all right, when we come back, mr. willie nelson. ♪ >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by geico. ? ok? that's 15 percent on top of what geico could already save you. so what are you waiting for? dj khaled to be your motivational coach? yo devin! remember to brush in a circle motion. thank yo.. dj... khaled. do another one. another one. is this good? put in that work, devin. don't give up.

geico. save an extra 15% when you switch by october 7th. save an extra 15% contactless delivery trright to your car,et. designed for your day. your moves. your style. your taste. so quick and easy. just download the target app today. you can't claim that because it's inanimate! people ask me what sort of a person should become a celebrity accountant. and, i tell them, "nobody should." hey, buddy. what's the damage? i bought it! the waterfall? nope! a new volkswagen. a volkswagen? i think we're having a breakthrough here! welcome to caesar's palace. thank you. ♪

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♪ - ( phone ringing )es offers - big button,alized phones... and volume-enhanced phones. get details on this state program. visit right now or call during business hours. i do motivational speakingld. in addition to the substitute teaching. i honestly feel that that's my calling-- to give back to younger people. i think most adults will start realizing that they don't recall things as quickly as they used to or they don't remember things as vividly as they once did. i've been taking prevagen for about three years now. people say to me periodically, "man, you've got a memory like an elephant." it's really, really helped me tremendously. prevagen. healthier brain. better life.

and accessoriesphones for your mobile phone. like this device to increase volume on your cell phone. - ( phone ringing ) - get details on this state program visit right now or call during business hours. ♪ welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live," i'm guillermo's step father, george lopez. tomorrow night, i won't be here, but sean hayes will be hosting with his guest jason bateman, and the jimmy kimmel live healthcare hero of the week. our guest tonight truly needs no

introduction, but i'm going to give him one, just so he knows we are actually on tv right now. he is a genuine legend of both country music and cannabis, with a new album, called "first rose of spring," available now. please welcome the one and only willie nelson. >> thank you, thank you. how you doin'? >> i'm good brother. i'm going to ask a question. i know you have a place in maui. do you prefer the surf and turf? do you prefer the surf of maui to live or the turf of austin to live? where do you feel more comfortable? >> i've been kind of spoiled. i can take the best of both worlds now. i would love to go to maui now, but with all the bs going on around the world, it's hard to get there, and then you got to quarantine a while and all that. so i love maui, but i'm in a pretty good spot. >> someone like you, cannabis is

so widely accepted now, marijuana, is it shocking to you to see how well it's being received? >> no, i always knew that people would realize its benefits. and now that it's in 30 states medicinally it's legal. and a lot of states, recreationally it's legal. so it's on the way. and i think it's a good thing. >> you know, there's so many benefits of cannabis, you know, health, appetite, anxiety, forgetting things, but medically, it's a good thing, isn't it? >> it's a good thing to forget things, i think. [ laughter ] >> hey, do you remember the first joint that you ever smoked? >> you know, i have been smokin' something all my life. i started out smokin' when i was just a kid, grape vines. cedar bark.

and then i got to bull durham and, so all along i was smoking something. and then i got to where i realized that my lungs were cavin' in, so i had to quit something. so i wasn't getting high on chesterfields, so i threw them away and rolled up 20 big fat joints, stuck it in my pockets and i haven't had a cigarette since. >> my man, thank you. i know in december that, i saw it on a scroll, but people tripped out because i think you said you were going to quit smoking marijuana, and the whole world went upside down, right? >> i read that somewhere. and i had a nice laugh about it. >> yeah, because once snoop has anointed you, because i think you outsmoke snoop. >> he's tough. >> that's like the pope telling you you're a good catholic. so i had the honor of meeting, i

know he was a good friend of yours, merle haggard. >> yes, he really was. >> and he invited me into his bus, and when i walked in, there was a wonderful smell of marijuana, and i went over, and i talked to him. i had some relatives out there. we started smoking. you passed around a bottle of george dickle. i looked for a glass, he's like, we're country folks, we're not much for glasses. i'm there smoking and drinking george dickle from the bottle. in about an hour and a half he says to his wife, how was the show, honey, and she says, merle, we haven't done the show yet. >> yeah, i love -- >> my question is, can you be too high, willie? can someone be too high? >> yeah, sure, you can be too drunk, you can be too high. sure, i've been too high before and you realize it pretty quick. >> so merle walked on stage with the cowboy hat and the glasses,

didn't miss a beat, which was amazing. but have you been on stage and not known where you were? >> yeah, i have smoked too much before a show, and i don't remember the town, but i do remember that i wasn't able to do a show. i walked out there and said sorry, and went back to the bus. and i came back about a month later, and i think i remember being here before. >> so you stayed in that bus a month and then you came back out? no, you didn't. >> well, i had other dates to play. >> so this is your 70th album. congratulations. >> thank you. >> what do you like about this music? what will we like about this album, willie? >> this is my 15th album with buddy canon as my producer. he and i work so well together writing and recording, and i think this particular album has a lot of good songs on it.

the title song "first rose of spring" is a great song. anall th "ycl t album, and that >> when were you growing up, who was musical in your family? >> well, my sister, bobbie and i, she was a great, is a great piano player, and we've been playing music together all our lives, and she taught me a lot. she could read music early. and i would sit on a piano stool next to her, and while she was playing songs like "stardust" and "moonlight in vermont", i was learning them as she was playing them. >> it must be special that you've done some work with your sons, like the song you're going to perform with your kids. >> oh, it's great. it's great working with the boys working with all the kids is

great. i've got some talented kids. i appreciate that. >> do they all play the guitar? or piano? how many instruments do you play? >> well, i, you know, play at the guitar, but that's about it. but no, luke and micah can play piano, they play pretty good piano, drums and practically anything here in my living room here. i got all kind of instruments, guitars and pianos, so they were around musical instruments all their lives, and i didn't push them. i just kind of let them drift into it as they wanted to and they've really done well. >> you have one of those unmistakable sounds that from the minute the guitar chord is struck everybody knows it's you. >> well, that's trigger. >> baby! yeah. i love you, willie, thank you, man. thanks for being my guest. >> my pleasure, good to talk to you. >> when we come back, music from willie nelson. ♪

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes benz, the best or nothing. [beep] ♪ [whoosh] ♪ give everyone something to look up to.

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♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes benz, the best or nothing. welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live." i'm george lopez. his new album is called "first rose of spring." here with a song he wrote back in 1964 joined by his sons micah and lukas, the great

willie nelson. ♪ ♪ ♪ the sky's never blue ♪ stars are rain drop searchin' for a place to fall ♪ ♪ i never cared ♪ ♪ i know you won't believe these things i tell you ♪ ♪ ♪ i know you won't believe ♪ your heart has been forewarned ♪

♪ all men will lie to you ♪ mine cannot deceive ♪ what i say to you ♪ ♪ i prepared these statements for the truth ♪ ♪ baby to disbelieve ♪ and the sky was never blue ♪ ♪ the stars are raindrops searching for a place to fall and i never cared for you ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ the sun is filled with ice and gives no warmth at all ♪ ♪ and the sky was never blue the stars are raindrops searching for a place ♪ ♪ to fall and i never cared for you and i never cared for you i never cared for you ♪ ♪ ♪ this selenite grey is so pretty isn't it? wow. jim could you pop the hood for us? there she is. -turbocharged, right? yes it is. jim, could you uh kick the tires? oh yes. can you change the color inside the car? oh sure. how about blue? that's more cyan but. jump in the back seat, jim. act like my kids. how much longer? -exactly how they sound. it's got massaging seats too, right? oh yeahhhhh. -oh yeahhhhh. visit the mercedes-benz summer event or shop online at participating dealers.

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>> dicky: and now, cisco presents, where is russ hiding! where is russ hiding this time?

>> i'm behind the loveseat! >> dicky: and that's where russ was hiding. >> that's all the time we have. i'd like to thank willie nelson and my compadre, jimmy kimmel. sean hayes will be here tomorrow night with guest jason bateman. nightline is next. goodnight, gringos. half a million college students here in california will soon be seeing some major changes. >> occupational hazards. underlying health conditions and more. filipino americans face an alarming rate of covid-19 death. stanford just got the okay to do pool testing. how it works and who it could benefit. i'm meteorologist sandhya

patel. summer warmth is in the forecast. i'll show you when coming up. abc 7 news at 11:00 starts right now. building a better bay area for a safe and secure future. this is abc 7 news. tonight a significant change for nearly 500,000 undergraduate students. the california state university system will require an ethnic studies or social justice course. >> the action is the first major change for the system in 40 years, and comes at a time of national discussion over racial injustice which is a large part of our efforts in building a better bay area. >> abc 7 news reporter j.r. stone has more from cal state east bay in hayward. >> so starting in 2023, csu students will have to take a course in ethnic studies and social justice. >> social justice including things like the criminal justice system and public health disparities. ethnic studies including classes like african-american history. this is the first time in