they almost didn't let me do the show tonight. i showed up and someone took my temperature and it was 101°. i said listen, i'm italian. i run hot. but i'm a hypochondriac so i constantly think i got coronavirus. i'm walking around every day smelling my toilet and candles making sure i don't have this thing. they just told me that the ratings were fantastic last night, which is nice. i'm not complaining about that. but when i told my parents that, they said "why? "did the other two guys pass away?" my mom told me i was too stiff and that my suit didn't fit. and my dad wanted to know why i didn't mention my cousin's construction company. i'm just so glad to be working again. my days normally start out with the zoom preschool circle time song, "the joey's are here today." the joey's are here today. hip hip hip hooray.

the joey's are here today. so glad i missed that song. next, put sunscreen on my kids. growing up, i don't even think my parents knew what sunscreen was. my father used to lather me up with olive oil so i could get a beautiful tan at the age of three. then snack. then lunch. and when they're done with lunch then we snack again. then i take the kids on a "walk" where somehow, i am the only one walking. then it's nap time, for me. next, i watch eight minutes of "tangled," four minutes of "trolls," and 30 minutes of "cinderella." then i negotiate how many bites of dinner equals a popsicle treat. then it's bath time where i somehow proceed to get more wet than the kids who are inside the bathtub. next is story time. then bed time. then i cry in a corner wondering if i am spending enough time with my kids.

i want to set the record straight on something tonight. quarantine? was invented by italians. the word "quarantine" comes from the italian words "quaranta giorni," which mean 40 days. during the plague, italy actually made ships isolate for 40 days before they could enter the country. the sailors had to just stay on their ships, baking banana bread, watching netflix or whatever, i don't know history. but if you think about it, everything about quarantine is italian. you eat all day long, and start drinking wine at noon. everything's covered in plastic so it doesn't get contaminated. you're constantly trying to stop your parents from hugging and kissing everyone they meet. three months ago, you bought 500 boxes of pasta. you got hair coming out of every orifice. you have to talk with your hands because your mouth is covered. people are over-tipping delivery guys.

even the virus itself looks like a weird meatball. the only silver lining here is that this pandemic made italians of us all. people have a lot of extra time on their hands right now, and many young people have been spending it on tik tok, which bothers me. i don't know what tik tok is or how it works. honestly until last week, i thought tik tok was a rapper. but i've been told, there are some people on there who do impressions of me. and i thought it'd be funny, and to review some of them with you. let's check out this first guy. >> what as up everybody. it's sebastian maniscalco. feeling very good, very fresh. you know, things are strange in the house when you're doing stand-up comedy with a shoe horn as a microphone? >> he's got an announcer feel like don pardo. but i'll give him credit. he writes his own material. i give him a b-minus, but his

shoehorn microphone gets an a. here's another one -- >> i got this new girlfriend, okay? i like to take her out to nice meals, you know, nice dinners, okay? couple weeks ago she tells me she wants to go to brunch. what the hell is brunch? people can't pick a news anymore? >> i don't know if that guy's having a seizure or being attacked by a swarm of bees. although i couldn't really pay attention to the impression because i was fixated on the indianapolis colts pennant in the background. i haven't seen a pennant on a wall since 1982. i give him a c. okay, who's next? >> there's girls in the neighborhood that like to go on mornin' jogs. they're joggin' through my neighborhood like this. they've been squattin', they've been squattin' on my hedges,ma. on the hedges.

>> that's melissa villasenor from "saturday night live." i know her, she's a sweetheart. and on top of the impression being great, the set dressing is spectacular. melissa, you get an a. and lastly. >> dunkin' donuts, this morning, true story. guy walks in. cashier goes, what can i do for you, sir? this guy walked up to the glass. put his shnoz, mask down on the glass and proceeded to order! i'm honestly not sure that's not me. not only does he have fantastic material, there's a nuance this guy nails. he nailed the half eyelid, to pick that out, you got to be a master impersonator. and he's from chicago, so he gets an a+. anyway, thanks to all my impressionists. i'm flattered.

i think. i don't know. tonight on the show, we'll honor our healthcare hero of the week. and we will be right back with alex rodriguez. ♪ >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by lexus. . ♪ ♪ ♪ experience, amazing. whether it's bribes ...or an overdue makeover. get all your pet essentials right when you need them, with curbside pickup at petsmart.

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♪ >> sebastian: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live." i'm jimmy's stand-in, sebastian maniscalco. in just a bit, we will salute our healthcare hero of the week. and the show has some good guest hosts lined up for you next week, including joel mchale, nikki glaser, sean hayes, and george lopez.

in a 22-season major league career, our guest tonight hit 696 home runs, won a world series title and three american league mvp awards, and he's not even the most famous person in his own house. one week from tonight, he'll broadcast baseball's opening night, yankees at nationals on espn. please welcome a-rod himself, alex rodriguez. thank you so much for being here, how you doing, bro? >> i'm doing great, what's happening, my brother? >> sebastion: i don't even consider myself a celebrity or famous at all. and i had the pleasure of eating dinner at your house. you invited my wife lana and i to your house. and i wanted to know, since you're the social one in the relationship, quite like my wife, did you and j. lo make that decision together? or did you come home one day and say "the maniscalcos are coming for dinner", and she went, "ah, what are you doing"?

>> she said, "really"? no, we loved having you guys over. she's a big fan. we love your work and it was great having you over, especially your better half, no doubt about that, lana's the best. >> sebastion: i do have to mention that going over to your house we were greeted by an advance team, somewhat like the military. you know, you send out a team to scope it out. and then you guys finally came down like 45 minutes later. what the hell were you doing? >> well, it was funny, when we finally said hello, and of course we had to do it through social distancing and all of that, you said i met nine people here, i didn't even know if you and jennifer were home. >> sebastion: i didn't even know if i was in the right house. >> but that meal was good. that meal was good. >> sebastion: it was fantastic. the whole experience was great. and we're going to have to have you guys over next time, but i

want to get into what's going on with baseball. no audience, no fans in the stands. now you as an ex-player, do you feed off the people that are there? or do you just revert back to little league when your first cousin was in the front row? >> well, you know what? absolutely. baseball is synonymous with the greatest fans in the world. and that energy, both at home in yankee stadium or on the road at fenway, they both energize you. and this will remind me and other players of a spring training game. they call it the b game, it's 8:00 in the morning, a simulated game and there's nothing. but the sounds of baseball are magical, the sound of the ball going into the mitt, the sound of the crack of the wood. baseball is just the best. >> sebastion: it is the best. and there's also a sound i don't think we're going to hear this year, which is spitting.

i don't think they're allowing any type of dip or anything like that. now i know you were a gum guy. is that something, is that a superstition? or what was that? >> let me tell you. of all the things that i would have the hardest adjustment with, baseball players are very superstitious, but not chewing gum while playing baseball, that would be a real score breaker for me. i probably went through 36 pieces of gum every game i played. >> sebastion: 36 pieces of gum? every time i have two pieces of gum i get a little gas. what was going on with 36 pieces of gum? >> it was this. i will take three or four pieces of gum, you can probably see it on youtube. i would put it in. and i start chewing it, it's a like i had an attitude or something. it was bogus, but it gave me a little bit more swag. >> sebastion: got you, got you. so listen, i understand during quarantine you got a puppy,

which i, which i met, but i don't think you had named the puppy when i was at your house. what's going on with your dog at the house? >> it was a nameless puppy when you came over for dinner. and i was really hoping, i was really hoping that we can call it yankee doodle, but they don't listen to me at home. so i lost. and the dog is named tyson. >> sebastion: after mike? >> after mike. i think. [ laughter ] >> sebastion: so listen, you're allegedly trying to buy the mets. i say allegedly, because we don't know for sure. i just thought baseball teams were reserved for like billionaires who just woke up and said "you know what? i want a team." so if you were to buy the team, what do you do? is this like a gofundme? you start walking around asking people for cash? >> why did you think that i had

you and lana over for dinner? >> sebastion: that's what i was -- >> that was my pitch. >> sebastion: you got the wrong guy! you got the wrong guy. i mean, i would, i would be afraid to even toss a number out at you, and you'd go, what are you going to do with that? buy popcorn? listen, what do you like about the broadcasting game? you're so good at it, i mean, you seem like a natural fit. you went right from playing baseball right into announcing. and now that there's going to be really no energy in the stadium, are you going to be talking a lot more? are they throwing it to you? what's going on? >> first of all, i love announcing, the fact that i've been with espn and with fox for a few years now. it's just, the best thing after playing is talking about playing, talking about baseball, but i think this gives it a unique experience, because it's 60 games, not 162. so it's a sprint, not a

marathon. so one of the rare opportunities that i will take advantage of is open up the whole entire, just open up the flood gates, open up the mics. give us access to guys driving to the ballpark, clubhouse, batting cages, sounds. when i used to be over there and i would lean over to derrick jeter or robinson cano, everybody would ask me, what were you guys talking about? the game, if we just kind of reveal everything and open it up, i think it's an immense opportunity, because people want to be taken behind the curtains. so let's do it. this is the year. >> sebastion: so you want everybody mic'd and everybody filmed, and i can see where that's coming from, because you walk around with your own video crew yourself. so i would love to see that implemented into major league baseball. listen, man, i got to thank you for joining us here. really appreciate you taking some time out. watch alex on opening night next thursday and all season on

"sunday night baseball" on espn. we'll be right back with our healthcare hero of the week. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ however you go back, we've got your back. ♪

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♪ >> sebastian: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live." i'm jimmy's body double, sebastian maniscalco. our healthcare hero tonight is a maintenance housekeeper at lancaster general hospital in pennsylvania. please welcome sanitizing superstar, mr. stanley gantz.

how you doin', stanley? >> how you doing, sir? >> sebastion: listen, how long have you been a hospital housekeeper? >> ten years, i rode my bike for ten years. >> sebastion: you ride your bike to work? >> oh, yes, sir. yes, i do. every day. >> sebastion: so you were using lysol before it was cool. >> yes. yes. [ laughter ] >> sebastion: so listen, how has your job changed since the virus struck? >> well, it was, it was hard. and we try keeping, we try to keep it clean, we wipe everything down. we wear masks, we wear goggles. we wear gloves, and we wash, sanitize our hands every day.

and we wipe everything down and make sure we beat the virus every day. >> sebastion: i got to tell you, we really do appreciate all your hard work being that you're on the front lines of all this. i used to be a janitor myself. we used to scrub the wax off the floor with this big machine, are you still doing that in those hospitals? >> oh, yes, we do it every day, every day, we do it every day, every day. we never miss a spot. we got to do it every day. that's good. >> sebastion: i understand your co-workers call you "soul man." can you tell us how you got that nickname? >> well, "soul man" came from a blue sky here. a lot of people ask me, they say you can sing, you got a good voice. i wish we can do better for you. and, you know, i'm happy doing what i'm doing, that's all i'm doing. i just make everybody happy, everybody happy. >> sebastion: so you like to sing when you work? >> oh, yeah, you should hear me sometimes.

i can sing. >> sebastion: what's a better time than now, stanley? would you mind? first of all, who's your favorite singer? >> smokey. smokey robinson. >> sebastion: and do you have a favorite song? >> yes. ♪ i got sunshine on a cloudy day ♪ ♪ when it's cold outside ♪ i got the month of may ♪ i -- ♪ you say >> hey, hey! ♪ what can you -- ♪ my girl ♪ my girl talkin' about my girl ♪ >> oh! oh, how you doin', smokey? >> smokey robinson. >> i'm doin' fine, how you doin'? you're the crooner of the hospital. >> you know, it takes a big shoe to fill.

>> appreciate you, my brother, and thank you for going around the hospital singing my songs, i love that. you the man. >> thank you, sir. i appreciate that. i saw you live. years ago. >> oh, boy, where? you were singing that song. i don't know, smokey. that was a long time, smokey. long time. >> sebastion: stanley, listen, we got one more surprise for you here. the team at green goo wants to spread goodness by giving you $10,000 to spend however you like, all right? >> excuse me, i got to take a drink. i need a drink for that one. >> sebastion: take some scotch, if you got it. >> oh, boy. >> sebastion: in addition to the gift, they will also be donating some of their hand sanitizer, all-natural-plant-based to your hospital in lancaster, and i think smokey has something for you as well. >> i got this for you, stanley. this record right here is for

you. i'm going to sign this to you, and we're going to get it to you, and enjoy, man. i hope you got a turn table. >> i got that! i got a turn table! >> yeah, baby. going to send you this album. and enjoy it, man. it's really a joy meeting you, you keep up the good work and god bless you for what you do, everybody at the hospital, all you who take care of the people there and especially with the virus going around like it is, god bless you, man, and thank you so much, and i'm going to send this to you. >> thank you, sir, thank you so much. >> sebastion: sing us out of break. we'll be right back, sing us out of break. ♪ i got love ♪ on my mind ♪ i got joy ♪ in my heart >> sebastion: we'll be right back. >> sing it, baby. [ laughter ] ♪ my psoriatic arthritis pain? i had enough! it's not getting in my way. joint pain, swelling, tenderness much better.

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shape your future. start here at 2020census.gov. ♪ >> sebastian: well, that's all the time we have tonight. i'd like to thank alex rodriguez, stanley and smokey, and my buddy jimmy kimmel. "nightline" is next. you may now go back to fighting with your family. goodnight. a major covid-19 warning coming from doctors tonight. for those folks who are back at the office. alameda county has a new program that will pay some people to stay home if they test positive for covid-19. he's offering to pay a lot for the best teachers in the bay area. a local investor hoping to set up a classroom in his own

backyard. chin chilled air today. warmth is in our future. i'll have the forecast coming up. abc 7 news at 11:00 starts right now. building a better bay area for a safe and secure future. this is abc 7 news. i'm not trying to break a union. all i want to do is keep my kids safe and kate them. >> a silicon valley investor is facing backlash tonight over his plans to start a microschool in his backyard. the job promises potential teachers it will, quote, beat whatever they are getting paid. >> microschools or pandemic pods are one solution parents are turning to with so much uncertainty heading into the new school year. that's why all this week, abc 7 is focussing on what back to school will look like for parents, teachers and, of course, students. but as abc 7 news reporter shows us, the bay area father is trying to take the criticism in stride. >> reporter: posted on sunday and still making rounds, tweeting, look for the best fourth t