shimk e off him but he left to and now i'm at the desk ♪ ♪ and i don't miss him not one bit ♪ cause tonight, we've got a great show ♪ ♪ and some funny, funny [ bleep ] ♪ ♪ take a break from the mean tweets awkward beats and lame jokes ♪ ♪ about donald trump it's the brad paisley live show ♪ ♪ oh lookin there a ratings bump ♪ ♪ >> thank you! thank you five sweaty people in face shields. appreciate it. this is awesome. and it's freaking weird. because everything is freaking weird right now. but some parts of life are

starting to get back to normal. for instance i'm very excited that the new nfl season kicks off tomorrow. hank jr. always asks, "are you ready for some football?" hell, i'm so starved for sports i'm ready for some badminton. the nfl is doing things differently this year. like all of us. for safety players will be quarantined for 14 days every time they come in close contact with another player. so the season is going to last 17 years. some teams are made for this like the detroit lions. their defense hasn't come within six feet of another player since 1998. i can say that because i'm a cleveland browns fan. and as a browns fan, detroit lions jokes are all we've got. god bless 'em. hey, speaking of sports are you familiar with the "beersketball challenge?" it started when i put out a song called "no i in beer" and some creative folks on tiktok took the ball and bounced it. ♪ cause we're all in this together ♪

♪ to me, it's all clear ♪ drinkin' ought to be a team effort ♪ ♪ there is no i in beer ♪ >> it's a little trickier than it looks. but i happen to have a sidekick tonight who knows his way around a can of beer. how you doing, guillermo? >> guillermo: how you doin', mr. brad paisley? >> i'm doin' great. i see you've got your guitar, do you actually play that thing? >> guillermo: a little bit. you want to hear something? >> without a doubt. ♪ good luck tonight, mr. brad paisley ♪ >> okay, so he doesn't it actually play that thing. i'm glad you're here. because i know you have cat-like reflexes. i wanted you to try this. do you have a basketball and a can of beer?

nice shorts. >> guillermo: oh, thank you, they're from cleveland. >> give it a try, guillermo. >> guillermo: let's do this. >> i can't wait. let her fly. >> guillermo: ready? >> i'm ready. >> oh, well -- >> guillermo: can i try another one? >> yeah, in a little bit. you can go ahead and drink that and we'll see how it goes next time. >> guillermo: all right, mr. brad paisley. i'll go get the ball. >> we'll check back in a little bit with a noticeably drunker guillermo. this is a tough time for everyone and it turns out a lot of people are turning to country music for comfort. streams of country music are up over 11% since the quarantine started. which i guess makes sense. almost every country song is about loneliness or drunkenness. and right now everybody is both

of those things all the time. and since life has changed so much this year, i've actually been rewriting some of my songs to better reflect the world we're suddenly living in. check these out. >> k-tel records presents "brad paisley's greatest hits - the 2020 editions!" >> okay, this is the new and improved 2020 version of my song "alcohol." ♪ and since the day we first heard from fauci that gravely voiced mcdreamy hunk ♪ ♪ we've been wiping down groceries hoarding the charmin and pretty much ♪ ♪ constantly drunk you say it's 5 o'clock somewhere on a 9:00 a.m. morning zoom call ♪ i'm the only bright spot in this

god awful year alcohol ♪ [cheers and applause] >> sing that one responsibly all right, this next one is an update to my tender ballad "letter to me." ♪ if i could write a letter to me and send it back in time to myself at 17 ♪ ♪ well it probably wouldn't get there til i was 31 ♪ ♪ cuz i can't find a mailbox what the hell is going on ♪ >> love and intimacy have changed probably this most in this time so here's an update to my song, "remind me." ♪ we didn't care if people stared we'd gather in large crowds out there ♪ ♪ somebody'd sneeze or hack or

cough and we'd just smile and shrug it off ♪ ♪ now it's been so long since you and i hugged or kissed or hell high fived ♪ ♪ remind me remind me it was before social distancing we'd only wear ♪ ♪ masks on halloween remind me remind me ♪ >> carrie underwood! [ applause ] thank you, carrie. appreciate you stopping by. >> i had to save the show. >> carrie underwood, everybody! >> bring back jimmy. >> shut her up, turn her off! we have a great show for you tonight. we'll be right back with rainn wilson. ♪ >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel

live," brought to you by progressive. ♪ but come ye back when su-- mom, dad. why's jamie here? it's sunday. sunday sing along. and he helped us get a home and auto bundle. he's been our insurance guy for five years now. he makes us feel like we're worth protecting. [ gasps ] why didn't you tell us about these savings, flo? i've literally told you a thousand times. ♪ oh, danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling ♪ i'm just gonna... ♪ from glen to glen i'm just gonna... ♪ all in this together ♪ family ♪ we're taking a chance ♪ family ♪ like birds of a feather ♪ family ♪ take off your shoes and dance ♪ it ignites our imagination. in search of inspiration. and daring new ideas. at lexus our greatest curiosity isn't a machine.

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that's your weathered deck, crying for help. while you do nothing, it's inviting those geese over for target practice. today, let's stain. 'cause if you stain your deck today, they can't stain your deck tomorrow. behr. today, let's stain. when you order a hot-and-juicy quarter pounder. a normal amount of napkins, just won't do. ♪ ba da ba ba ba

♪ >> welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live." i'm brad paisley. guillermo, give the beersketball challenge another try! how about it. you want to? >> guillermo: sure, whatever you say, man. >> all right, let's see this. [ bleep ] man, i think that got him in the face. man. medic? can we get a medic for guillermo? we'll check back in on him in a second. yeah, he might be bleeding. anyway, speaking of beer, in just a little bit, i will be performing my single hit, "no i in beer." and tomorrow night, the incredibly talented john legend will be here with his guest dj khaled. my guest tonight is a very funny emmy-nominated actor whom you know from his 9 seasons as the

most ruthlessly ambitious paper salesman/beet farmer ever. now he stars as a virologist out to stop the spread of a virus >> any words on my sequencer? my reach is extremely limited without it. i mean, i feel like i'm being systematically prevented -- >> there's no plot against you, michael. >> what is that supposed to mean? >> it means the dean doesn't think about you at all. there's nothing in the budget for you. >> why not? >> a lot of viruses out there. >> absolutely, and mine is one of them. >> and your research is worthwhile. that was seven years ago. >> "utopia" premiers september 25th on amazon prime video. please welcome my friend, rainn wilson. >> how's it going? >> so far, i haven't done anything too bad, i think. how are you? >> i think you look fantastic, talk show host is in the cards for you.

>> at least one night, we'll see if they give me any more than that. i'm so excited to get to do this, my sons, 11 and 13, i've never seen them binge anything with the voracity that they went after "the office." and they just finished the whole thing. and they are so excited that i'm talking to you tonight. it's really fun for them especially, but i've loved you for a long time. >> oh, thanks, man, that's great. the popularity of "the office" has just been off the charts in the last couple of years, especially with young folk, and with this pandemic, it's been crazy. crazy. >> yeah, i think that's probably because it's a fantasy now, people don't get to go to an office, so they're watching this as some sort of way of saying oh, i remember what it used to be like. >> right, people huddled in conference rooms and giving each other high-fives and whatnot. >> yeah, it's funny at 11 and 13 to watch them get the humor of this, because i think it's so ahead of its time.

i've watched them relate to this in so many ways, and they've asked me if i could get a bears beats galactica from you >> seriously. you want me to be a trained monkey on your show now? >> yeah. >> mr. tv host? >> that's kind of what we were kind of thinking. >> second of all, dwight never actually said those words. it was jim who said those words, hawk and jasper, idiots. here we go, no, no, no. bears beats "battlestar gallactica," boom. >> thank you, that's all the time we have. thank you, folks. we are so excited to talk to you about this tv show coming out that is painfully appropriate for the times we're living in. it's called "utopia." >> that's right. it's super cool, based on an english format, much like "the office" was. and the whole premise is that there's this graphic novel comic

book that contains kind of the secrets to the potential destruction of the earth, and these comic book nerds kind of find this, and things start to unravel. so it's got a dark sense of humor and a lot of conspiracy theories running around in it. it's a lot of fun. >> it sounds like it. i mean, did you learn anything about how to save the world in this tv show right now? >> i wish i had learned something from the tv show about how to save the world, because it really kind of feels right now like the world needs a little bit of saving, but unfortunately, no. >> i also recently learned you have donkeys. we actually have two donkeys ourselves on our farm. >> those are your donkeys? >> no, those are yours actually right there. >> those are my donkeys, oh, my gosh. >> ours are named oliver ass and

ben ass-fleck. what's the story with yours? >> i like the ass being shoe horned in there. that's a great idea. i've got you beat, brad, what we have on the left is chili beans, our donkey, a rescue donkey, and on the right we have a zonkey. >> what the hell is a zonkey? >> a donkey mom meets, some kind of app, a zebra sperm, and they make a zonkey. he's basically the, it looks really adorable. that's derrick, my son named him derrick. he looks super adorable, but in actuality, a zonkey is the worst characteristics of a donkey and a zebra. the wild biting of a zebra and the dopeyness of a donkey. he has the worst personality.

>> i'm just going back to the dating app that hooks these things up. you're close to having a zoo, because you have a couple potbellied pigs, right? >> we do. oh, look at that. that's snortington, back when snortington and my wife holiday, holiday's the human woman, snortington's the pig, just in case anyone was confused. that's when snortington was allowed into the house. >> i see. why is he not in the house anymore if i have to ask? >> we have a real menagerie around the house. we have rescue pit bulls. basically, they got the scent of bacon, and they got hooked. so we had to put the pigs outside. they're in their own pigpen now. >> holy -- you're so close to tiger king at this point, you realize that? like one step. >> i should charge admission. >> i'm also excited about your youtube channel "an idiot's guide to climate change", which is totally written for me, i

believe. >> you and me both, and a lot of us are idiots about climate change, but it was a great adventure. i got to go to greenland and iceland. and i didn't know anything about the issues, and i got to learn from a bunch of scientists. so it was a super fun adventure. i wish i could have brought my zonkey. >> absolutely. they would have loved it in iceland. >> we went there for the first time last year, and i got go back. >> did you ride the icelandic ponies? >> no, but i saw a ton of them. they're unbelievable. >> they're so much fun to ride. they don't go up and down. they just go like this. it's like riding a little loveseat. >> great. you'll have one of those next, i'm sure. >> yeah, i think that's a great idea. we'll add, we'll add to the zoo. >> i'm so thrilled to get to see you. i haven't seen you since we played softball in malibu, which we had no business doing, either one of us.

i hope you get through this time sane. >> thanks, man. it's so great seeing you. congrats on doing the show and fantastic talking to you >> you too, i can't wait to watch "utopia." >> "utopia" premieres september 25th on amazon prime video and watch "an idiot's guide to climate change" on rainn's youtube channel, soulpancake. thanks, rainn. we'll be right back with music from the one and only brad paisley! ♪ what about being a member of the community? what about being a member of humanity? ♪ what if there was a membership that gave us the time to celebrate the things that connect all of us? ♪

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>> welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live," i'm brad paisley. all right, guillermo, this is your last chance to nail the beersketball challenge. are you ready? you want to try again? >> guillermo: all right, let's do it! ♪ >> one more time, do it again. >> guillermo: all right, i'll do it again! ♪ >> oh, [ bleep ]. all right, so we'll come to that. i'm just going to go ahead and play. ♪ ♪ wherever you are tonight whatever you're going through grab a long neck bottle or a big 'ol pint ♪ ♪ and let's all have a few 'cause we're all in this together to me it's all so clear ♪ ♪ drinkin' oughta be a team effort there is no "i" in beer want to try it again, guillermo?

♪ >> [ bleep ]. ♪ you got a buddy ♪ whose heart broke see if you can get him on the phone tell him life ain't ♪ ♪ fair we all been there but ya don't have to drink alone 'cause we're all in this together ♪ ♪ to me it's all so clear ♪ drinkin' oughta be a team effort there is no "i" in beer ♪ ♪ there ain't no "u" or "i" in beer that's right but there's about to be a lot of beer in you and i ♪ >> go, guillermo! ♪ ♪ this is going to be our season ♪ yeah we were the team to beat oh but not anymore ♪ 're wa on' at th

♪ next year i'm liking all this team effort there ain't no ♪ ♪ "i" in beer yeah we're all in this together that's why god put us here go ahead and check ♪ ♪ your webster's there is no "i" in beer. try it again, little buddy. >> guillermo: all right! ♪ farmers and the first responders ♪ et me a y yo ♪ there ain't no i in beer ♪ no, there aini in beer >> last chance, guillermo, go for it! >> [ bleep ]. >> guillermo: one more time. >> last chance, guillermo, see if you can get it this time.

>> i hope [ bleep ] already. ♪ >> yeah, yeah! ♪ there is no i in beer ♪ no, there ain't no i in beer you did it, guillermo! you've officially achieved the american dream. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ it's time to step up. prep up. step up. prep up. to help keep you free from the risk of hiv. from the makers of truvada, there's another prep option: descovy for prep. a once-daily prescription medicine that helps lower the chances of getting hiv through sex. it's not for everyone. descovy for prep has not been studied in people assigned female at birth. talk to your doctor to find out if it's right for you.

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♪ >> that's all the time we've got tonight. i'd like to thank rainn wilson, carrie underwood, and my buddy, jimmy kimmel. john legend will be your host tomorrow with his guest dj khaled. "nightline" is next. goodnight. ♪ burns early thursday morning and now there's fears it was arson. a east bay woman said she was medically raped. how she found her former

obgyn -- his own sperm. >> we will let you know when the air quality declines again. >> a robot on a mission in the south bay, their job more important in the pandemic. abc7 news starts right now. >> delivering better bay area, for a safe and secure future. this is abc7 news. this feeling of a stranger who violated my mother, being a part of me is deeply disturbing. how do you deal with that? >> a shocking discovery for a mother in the east bay. >> a shocking and disturbing, she thought she was artificially inseminated with an anonymous sperm donor and she may be the victim of fertility fraud. >> kate larson is here to explain how 40 years later family found out that they are biologically linked to a doctor that was a fraud and predator. >> at home dna