thank you so very much for watching. i'm dion lim. >> and i'm dan ashley. ♪ this is an abc color presentation. from hollywood, it's jimmy the emmy award-winning cast of "schitt's creek." and now, here's jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: we are coming to from you our studio in hollywood on the first official day of fall. you can tell it's fall because the fires are starting to change color. it's very beautiful. and with the new season comes a fresh new crop of emojis. the uni code consortium, those

that decide which emojis do and do not make it onto your phone, these are some for 2020. i don't know if they don't sum up 2020 i don't know what does. this is person with beard and woman with beard. that looks like emo-jesus. even our emojis are letting themselves go. i've had meetings with these people, i've filled out the forms and presented my case, still no meatball emoji. sausage, dumplings, tacos, no meatballs. they have falafel and bundt cake, but no meatball. we need a new president, we really do.

[cheers and applause] we have a fun show, jack black, tenacious d, is with us. and we will be joined by the cast of the show that dominated the emmies. dan levy, they won all the emmies. canadians haven't swept like this since the world curling championships back in 2017. their show, as you probably know, is called "schitt's creek," which is a problem for american broadcast television. >> the show up a creek whose name we can't say on morning tv. >> can't say the name on tv but it involves the creek. >> i'm not sure if we're allowed to say the name. >> our boss told us we can't say the name of the show. >> renee doesn't want to get in trouble. >> it is spelled s-c-h-i-t-t-s. >> can't say the name on tv but creek is in the title.

>> it sounds like splits creek. >> s-creek, s-creek is so good. >> never seen blank creek. >> can i say the name of the show? >> yeah. >> "schitt's creek." >> jimmy: that's the kind of courage we need right now in this country. [ applause ] so dumb. today is national voter registration day. this is the day to make sure you're registered and if not to get registered. guillermo, are you registered to vote? >> guillermo: yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: will you be voting by mail or in person? >> guillermo: in person. >> jimmy: wait, we have to work that day, what will you do? >> guillermo: maybe go early. >> jimmy: the people who don't bother to register i find are usually the people who find time to vote on what the new pringles flavor should be. it's very important to register. if you don't register, you can't vote, and if you don't vote you can't get a seconder. also there's a psychotic individual in the white house

who could use some removing right now. [ applause ] it's hard to believe we are only 42 days away from donald trump refusing to accept the results of an election. the other vote that could happen very soon is in the senate. the big question in washington right now is who will fill the vacancy left by ruth bader ginsburg. the president wrote, i will announce my pick, exact time tba. there's nothing more exciting than him announcing he's going to make an announcement. he's a real tba-hole. he has the consent of his least-favorite senator from utah, romney. so now we're up mitt's creek, too. as everyone knows, republicans blocked obama from appointmecho new justice. now they said we can't wait, we

have to get this done now. i fwowonder if the reason they' revealed themselves as hypocrites has come to donald trump. they think he's going to lose. mr. president, we need to make this happen before you're back at mar-a-lago, screaming at the housekeeping staff. so trump is moving very quickly on this. when it came to doing something about the virus that he knew was deadly, a virus that has now killed more than 200,000 of the americans he swore to protect, then he moved slower than eric doing the "people" magazine crossword puzzle. but he isn't one to worry about a virus. he had a gig in ohio where he said covid affects virtually nobody. it's an amazing thing, which is insane. on top of that, something fishy is going on at the centers for disease control. on friday, the cdc posted some

new guidelines for how covid is spread. they wrote, it is possible that covid-19 may spread throughout droplets and airborne particles formed when a person who has it, coughs, sneezes, sings or breathes. they forgot yodels. but they can remain suspended in air and travel more than six feet, which is a big deal, even though we knew this, it was the first time a government website admitted it. that was on friday yesterday that paragraph about droplets was removed and replaced with this. a draft version of proposed changes was posted in error to the agency's official website. in other words, oops, we accidentally posted the truth. this is not the first time something like that has happened. last month, the cdc changed their guidance from if you think you've been in contact with someone infected you should get tested to you should not be tested. then there was a big outcry and

they changed it back. today they released new official guidance to hopefully clear things up. >> hi, i'm donald rape, chief of viral epidemiology at the cdc, and i want to assure you that we were working around the clock to keep your family safe and to get you the information you need. first, know that this virus is highly contagious, and it is deadly. correction. it is somewhat contagious and very dangerous. kind of dangerous and actually not really a big deal at all. next, the virus's primary means of transmission is through coughing or sneezing, and it can also be transmitted through aerosols, which are fine particles that hang in the air

and are not anything you need to worry about, because the virus is not actually airborne after all. so good news there. in terms of prevention, social distancing is still critical, because studies show that most -- most scientists are nerds who don't want anyone to have any fun. also, masks, i don't even know what this is. h hamburder, extra pickle. i guess that's it. together we can beat this thing, stay safish, play it by ear, and never mind, it's cured. and i just quit. [ bleep ] this. >> jimmy: you know, at least they're stopping the spread of

information. [ applause ] the cdc has also now strongly discouraged families from trick or treating this year, which is a bummer for kids, but i will say i'm fine with skipping halloween. it's hard to get excited for putting on a costume when we've been going to the super market dressed like beekeepers. i don't understand some of the precautions, you can't have water on your desk. we have zones a, b and c, plastic shields everywhere. we decided to have fun with our staff on the first day back. yesterday we set up hidden cameras at the entrance of the building, we hired an actor to pose as our new health and safety officer and tested the patience of our unsuspecting co-workers.

>> what's your name and your call sign. >> alec. >> what do you do here? >> ima'm the stage manager. >> oh, wow, what does that entail? >> kind of managing the stage. >> have you had diarrhea in the last six months? >> that's a random question. it's possible, but i don't recollect it. >> these questions seem random, but they're not. >> blimey. >> hello. did you get this? >> i'm sure i did. and i filled it all out and i'm good. >> so have you? >> i mean, there's more solid ones than less-solid >> can you lift up your shirt real quick? a tummy temperature. and what is your name and call time? >> guillermo rodriguez. >> can you list your duties on the show, please?

>> i'm with jimmy, i talk to everybody. i'm, i talk to everybody. >> can you be more specific? what do you do here? >> i'm the teleprompter guy. >> oh, sounds like a very fun job. >> uh, it's stressful but fun. >> any tips for breaking in? i'm doing online film school right now. >> don't. if there's anything else that will make you happy, do it. all right, i got to go get set up. >> thanks, welcome back, get a haircut, you hippie. >> can you describe your sneeze? >> about average. >> large projectile? >> no. >> can you take three steps back? >> sure. >> show me your sneeze. >> mask on or off? >> just pretend sneeze.

chooo. that's it? how many times have you had diarrhea in the past six months? >> i haven't had it in over a year. >> okay. will you take three steps back? >> okay. >> and just show me what it's like the last time you had diarrhea. >> what it was like? >> yeah. >> only group a can use the bathroom until 2:00 p.m. >> so very to wait until 2:00 p.m. to go to the bathroom? >> yeah. you're in zone a, right? >> yes. >> 2:00 p.m. >> uh, i doesnn't know, that's hours, right? >> do you need like an empty gatorade bottle or something like that? >> no. >> i'm sure you'll be fine. let's do another question. >> got to wear these? >> they're simply to help with contact tracing and so forth. so if you just put it around your ankle. >> is everybody wearing snees. >> just some, actually. if you need to take it off, they

will have a key. will you be wearing shorts every day? >> yes. >> what's reason for that? >> i like that wear shorts. >> are your legs especially hot? >> no, that's all i wear, shorts. >> just trying to understand why a grown man is wearing shorts to work. ♪ row, row, row your boat ♪ gently down the stream ♪ merrily >> work all the digits, still singing. ♪ merrily, merrily, life is but a dream ♪ >> a little slower, like row, row. if you take some hand sanitizer, i want to make sure you're sanitizing it robustly. a little bit more. see, this is why i need to watch. okay. actually, that's a little too fast many that's a lot of hand sanitizer, so obviously, jimmy

kimmel's the host, without a host there's no show. if you could say a number of statements if you would say "i will." if jimmy kimmel walks within ten feet of me, i will walk in the other direction. >> if i -- >> can you put your hand up? it's under oath. i will not touch anything that jimmy kimmel may touch including food, nozzles and toilets. >> i will not touch anything jimmy may -- oh, hi. >> you need to turn around and run away. i think that's far enough, thanks. how many doorknobs have you touched today? we need an exact number. >> just the doorknob to my bedroom and my front door. >> can you just demonstrate how you open the door? just go ahead and walk me through. >> yeah, i don't know. just like that. >> okay. open the door. and walk through.

got it. okay. okay. just one more. >> all right, i got to go. >> just one more. just an eye test real quick. can you read line four? >> lped. >> great. line eight. >> despotec. >> excellent, and the last line. >> jimmy's totally [ bleep ] with me. i knew it. >> thanks, welcome back. >> jimmy: well, there you go. that's -- [ applause ] if you knew it, why were you so mad if you knew it? >> guillermo: no, i didn't know it. >> jimmy: but you said you knew it. >> guillermo: well, i -- >> jimmy: we're going to have to get you a lie detector test. tenacious d is with, and we'll be right back with the emmy-winning cast of "schitt's creek," so stick around! [ applause ] ♪ >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by at&t

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♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. it's not officially fall until you get your first squirt of pumpkin spice purell. mm, delicious. tonight on the show, their new graphic novel is called "post-apocalypto," tenacious d is here. tomorrow night, riz ahmed and tim mcgraw will be with us, and on thursday norman reedus and music from amine. so please join us for that.

not since the great maple syrup wars of the 1800s has our nation been so thoroughly dominated by our neighbors to the north the way we were on sunday night. when our first guests achieved an historic schitt's sweep, winning all 7 primetime emmy awards for comedy. from "schitt's creek", please welcome eugene levy, dan levy, annie murphy and catherine o'hara. hello! >> woo! >> we won, aye? >> jimmy: congratulations. not only am i personally happy for you guys, every comedy nerd was delighted that you guys won all these awards on sunday night. i really felt that backstage at the emmies, for sure. >> wow, i'll take that as a compliment. >> jimmy: it is a compliment. >> it was bizarre. it was surreal. i swear. it was like i said, on the night, i said it's like a dream

you never want to became up from. >> jimmy: speaking of dreams, the next morning, how late did you stay and who set up that big party you guys had that night? >> it was a two parter, to be honest, because we had plans to have a much larger party, because in canada, up until, oh, what's that? >> i was just cleaning the house. >> i see. >> jimmy: eugene's working with props now. >> we're trying to keep people on our side at this point, dad. we're trying not to turn people. >> you don't have to tell me about it. >> okay. just trying to -- >> i'm always two steps ahead. >> absolutely. yeah, the party, we had a big party planned. in canada, can you have a larger gathering because, you know, canada's been doing good when it came to the covid. and then obviously, in true 2020 fashion, the night before our emmy party, the government had

to minimize the party size in half, which meant that we had a last-minute uninvitation ceremony, which had to happen for our lovely crew, which we were so excited to share the night with. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> so it was a strange kind of vibe going into the evening. >> and all because the numbers had spiked to 380 across the entire province. >> jimmy: who made those phone calls to the people who were invited and then uninvited? >> not us. i would say, i was the first one to say "not me." >> jimmy: there was a lot of celebration, not just in that tent you guys had set up, but all across canada. the tower and the toronto sign were lit in gold in your honor. the prime minister tweeted about you. and i think maybe best of all your cast mate/daughter/sister,

sarah, this is the video that's been making the rounds today, let's take a look at that. [ screaming ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that went on for like a full minute. is sarah okay? >> she's not okay, no. we have not heard from her since. so very unclear on her status at this point. but she was excited when the video was filmed. >> jimmy: kathryn, you gave a speech that i think mara would have approved of. did you know you were going to be the first emmy out of the gate? >> five minutes, maybe less. le. i convinced myself i wouldn't win. and i thought, anybody who said i was going to win was just setting me up for a cruel, cruel evening and so i convinced myself. and i'm saying, no, no, no, and then it happened.

and we went crazy. >> jimmy: you all won win after win after win. and we were backstage having a conversation, oh, my god, i hope annie wins, that would be terrible. it's tough enough not to win an emmy, but when everyone else on the show wins, was that making you feel extra pressure? >> yes, yes. it was awful. at no point was i like, well, we won this many, now i'm going to win. it was more like internal monologue of just who am i going to apologize to first when i lose? >> annie, annie, tell them what i asked, if you'd written anything just in case. tell them what you had. >> it was really embarrassing, actually. so, yeah, we were talking and she was like, what are you going to say when you, you know, what's your acceptance speech? have you written an acceptance speech?

i was like, no, no, i haven't. i'm not going to win. she's like, what are you going to say if you win? and i said i don't know, probably something like this. i'll just go up to the podium and do that for 45 seconds. and then kathryn was >> i said i hope you win. >> and each table can do a different sound effect. it will be great. thank goodness that didn't happen. that's all i had. >> jimmy: we can work that into the show if you want to. i think one of the things that i don't know maybe was as cool as winning the emmy, maybe even cooler was we'd asked a bunch of celebrities, what's your favorite show, and elton john said "schitt's creek" was his favorite and he spoke about your show. now that had to be great, right? that's pretty good. >> yeah. it was, it was, i mean, my eyes

were popping when that came on. i'd met him a couple of years ago. at the, at a "vanity fair" party and discovered that he and his partner, david, were huge fans of the show, and then i ran around the party looking for daniel. >> i got a text from my dad saying "we're with elton john, come find us". and at that party, there's so many people that you couldn't possibly find anyone, and i was thinking, this is such a full circle moment, because i was named after an elton john song. >> jimmy: which one? >> it's such a big deal. >> which one? >> when i ran into my parents at the end of the night, he was like, what did he say when you named your child after one of your songs? and he said we didn't tell him that, we forgot. >> forgot. >> jimmy: but i'd like you to meet my "tiny dancer." we're going to take a break. when we come back, we will see

more of the celebration that went on in canada and more with the cast of "schitt's creek" after this. ♪ [cheers and applause] excuse me, ma'am? yes? (sleepily) yeah, this already does that. oh, i didn't know that. well now you do. let's try this again. imagine, one day you'll be able to take an ecg. it already does that. really? what about detect hard falls? does it do that? does that. does that. does that. thank you. encourages you to stay fit? does that. oh! i don't know. imagine a tiny device that will check your blood oxygen level. (muffled) it already does that. well. that was fun. sprinting past every leak in our softest, smoothest fabric. she's confident, protected, her strength respected. depend. the only thing stronger than us, is you.

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and the emmy goes to "schitt's creek." >> "schitt's creek." >> "schitt's creek." >> "schitt's creek." >> "schitt's creek." >> "schitt's creek." ♪ ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: yeah, move over degrassi, there's a new favorite show. that was the victory parade from canada. they won all of them. i have the figures, seven emmy

wins, nine for the season, most ever by a comedy in a year, first to sweep all four acting categories, dan and a eugene become the first father-son team. and you set the record for the most times your glasses fogged up on international television. did people make note of that? >> the mask, it was an impossibility. it was either go blind or wear the mask. and i chose to be safe in the name of health and safety. >> jimmy: eugene and kathryn, you've won an emmy together in 1982 for one of the greatest shows of all time, sctv. and there you guys are with andrea martin. what, what do you remember about that night? it was almost 40 years ago. >> well, i mean, for me, i do remember that the clip that they

picked was a piece that i, that i wrote called "perry como's still alive." and it was a promo for a perry como special, and, you know, i was, as perry's in bed with the blanket pulled up, singing a song. i was lying on the floor. with my face down, with the mic in front of my mouth. and it was a very funny piece, and i remember that the audience went crazy. they were really laughing hard when that piece went on, and it felt like, i felt like a million bucks. and then they announced the winner of the category, and it turned out to be a special from lincoln center. and i remember like an audible groan in the room. kathryn, what do you think? what's yours? >> i can see that picture that the wire in my leather dress was coming up. so it looks like i've drawn in the cleavage, but that's not

what happened. milton burl, i think he announced it, sctv, whoever the hell they are. >> jimmy: uncle miltie wasn't a fan? hey, you guys, it's hard not to do an impression of eugene when you're around him a lot. i've had this experience myself. do you guys do impersonations of eugene? annie, let's start with you. >> uh, yeah. uh, annie, how are ya? huh, same, same, same. yeah, that's what i got. >> kathryn? >> who's next? >> mine is, mine is the scariest thing is to give gene an idea. what about this?

think about it and you say what about this, this, this. uh, uh, that would be a good ten minutes. >> jimmy: all right, dan, go do it. he's your dad, you have to have something, right? >> it's well, now i feel like, just mimicking the eyebrows just alone at this point. but it is. >> you're cheating. >> uh, uh-huh, uh, there's a lot of throat clearing. >> i have a medical condition. >> it's a throat clear, and then a pace that is slower than anything or anyone you've ever experienced. and it is a kind of lovely,

slow-moving, just real slow kind of cadence that only the sweetest humans on the planet would ever quite understand. and for that, you know, that is why people gave you an emmy last night. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes. >> it's the rhythm that scares the hell out of talk show hosts. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so, hey, will we ever see these characters again? i know you wrapped it up. but is there any possibility of anything beyond this? >> i take johnny on the road starting tomorrow. uh, you know, i guess it just depends on how much money people want to spend, but no, i think, you know, obviously, this has been, as i said i think multiple times last night, the single greatest experience of my life. and obviously, these people i love like family, and so for us, obviously, there's a kind of elegance about bowing out when

people still care about you. >> jimmy: yes. >> if we come back, which i hope we do in some capacity, it has to be deserving of everyone's time. so that is that on that. >> jimmy: i hope so too. let's not forget the great chris elliot who is on the show as well. [ applause ] hopefully watching. >> jimmy: watch all six seasons of "schitt's creek" on demand, on the pop now app, or on comedy central, starting friday, october 2nd at 8 o'clock. thank you all for being with us, and congratulations on the emmies. we'll be back with tenacious d. ♪ [ applause ] eliminate who you are not first, and you're going to find yourself where you need to be. ♪ the race is never over. the journey has no port. the adventure never ends, because we are always on the way. ♪

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♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. our next guests make up the hardest hard rock brand in the history of the world and now are the hardest novelists,

welcome jack black and kyle gass, aka tenacious d. [ applause ] men, hello? where? ♪ >> jimmy: wow! oh, my goodness. incredible. >> how are you? >> jimmy: i'm good. i'm even better now that you guys have appeared. what was that? >> we teleport. we don't live on earth anymore. we think it's safer up on the tenacious d space station. we teleport down for special occasions like this one. >> jimmy: i like that. i like that a lot. what else is going on with you guys? >> well, you know, it's sort of like mellow. that's how we enter these days with teleportation, with technology, with age we've become a little more mature. i know we used to be crazy rockers and come out and destroy your set. that's just not us anymore. >> jimmy: i appreciate that. we have kind of a new set. >> shake! ♪ >> yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪

>> oh, yeah, oh, yeah! oh, yeah! ah, yeah! ah! yeah! >> jimmy: well, you know what? >> and we're back! ah. >> jimmy: you're gentler when it's your own furniture, jack. >> is that okay? what's your beef? >> i kind of went a little hard core on the cardio on that entrance. >> i should have given it more. >> i love you, jimmy. we don't want to hold anything back. just because it's quarantine times. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so yeah, during quarantine times, me and cage have been socially distancing. all the responsible rockers have. and if you think about it, all the rockers have been pretty responsible. they rock responsibly.

>> jimmy: have they? >> well, it's like even anthrax and, and mega death are quarantining. so if those guys are quarantining, the only, there's only like three bands that don't quarantine now. kanye, smash mouth. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and kid rock. other than that, everyone is on the same page. >> jimmy: kyle, let's give jack a rest for a second. >> yeah. thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: where are you right now? are you at your home? >> i'm at home. this is great. i feel like we're cheating. >> jimmy: have you missed jack? you have missed -- >> i do. but in all honesty, jack, we don't see each other that much. >> jimmy: is that true? >> no. you mean in real life? >> jimmy: yeah. >> well, i guess, yeah. ever since i had my babies, my, my family life has really cut into my quality time with cage,

but the love is still there. >> jimmy: you guys were supposed to go on tour together, right? weren't you planning a tour? >> oh, my god. look. >> look. >> here's thing, about post apocalypto. we came up with this project four years ago. we were like this is the end of the world when trump became president. we like, we have to save the world with our rock. so we wrote "masterpiece". and the whole four years are like, when it becomes election time we're going to tour all the purple states, to rock the boat and literally save the world. and this pandemic totally screwed that up. so our plan has been scuttled, but i'm still out of breath! this sucks. i'm never going to destroy a couch again. >> the point is, we're here. >> i always wanted to do an interview. come on, jimmy. >> so instead of rocking all the purple states we're just going to be here with you. >> jimmy: all right, that's okay. just people should get out and

vote, obviously. i wish we didn't have to tell them that, but i do want to mention your book here, because, and by the way, i get the book. and i pick it up. and i, i, i think it's great. it's very creative. and then i asked our producers to do me a favor and count the number of penises, jack, that you drew in the book, would you care to guess how many penises are in the book? >> whoa, definitely over, i think it's definitely, i think it's under 100, like 92. >> i'm going to go overs, jimmy. >> jimmy: it depends on if you count all the hundreds of penises on the inside and back covers. but, if you don't, the answer is 96. >> ah! >> in fairness, there are an awful lot of vaginas. >> jimmy: that's true. there are.

you guys are nothing if not fair. you've done something interesting. so if you go to your website, what will people get to, they can do while they read this book? tell us. >> i'm glad you asked that. >> jimmy: thank you. >> i'm glad you asked that, jimmy, because on the first page, when you open it up. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it says right here, i can't read without my glasses, but basically what it says is listen along, follow along with the audio. if you go to tenaciousd.com you can read it and listen to it like a picture book, like an old-fashioned school, and you hear our audio vocal performances and all the music that goes along with it. >> jimmy: beautiful. >> but i do want to do one warning, jimmy. you did mention the penises, obviously, this is not for kids. it's illustrated. >> jimmy: don't worry, it doesn't look like it's for kids at all. >> there are a lot of parts in this book that are really arousing.

and if you don't want to be aroused, do not buy this book. >> jimmy: okay. so you guys are going to do a couple of songs when we come back, and what songs are you going to do? can you tell us? >> we got a couple songs from post apocalypto. really quick, i want to throw in one last artwork. ♪ i need a hero ♪ ♪ ♪ and you gotta be strong ♪ and you gotta be fresh ♪ i need a hero >> jimmy: we will be back with american heroes, jack and kyle, tenacious d, when we return. [cheers and applause] ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes benz, the best or nothing.

rush to work, grab a drink, hurry home. - [cell phone beeps] - stop! don't be on your phone. let someone else take the wheel. make a little eye contact. make a plan. it's a busy world out there. we're all in it together. go safely, california.

put it in gear and take off., next thing you know, the phone is in your hand! stop! we should be holding the wheel, not holding the phone. it's a busy world out there. and we're all in it together. go safely, california. the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to the gang from "schitt's creek." apologies to matt damon, "nightline" is next, but first, with not one but two songs from their album, "post apocalypto,"

tenacious d. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ save the world jimmy kimmel. it's up to you. check it ♪ save the world save the world you've got to save the world ♪ ♪ save the world all the boys and girls from around the world you've got to ♪ ♪ save the world save the world ♪ ♪ ♪ apocalypto fight to prevail

apocalypto if we fight we cannot fail ♪ ♪ got to find that holy grail ♪ ♪ apocalypto fight to survive apocalypto got to find some way to thrive ♪ ♪ don't you give us any jive ♪ thank you, jimmy kimmel! and thank you, guillermo. we love you.

this is "nightline." tonight, closed case? a failing marriage, a murder. >> i believe this is a case of a wrongful conviction. >> and the new jailhouse interview. why she claims the real killer is still out there. >> there's a murderer walking around. >> even if we discount what's happened to me. >> "nightline" starts right now, with byron pitts. >> good evening. thank you for joining us. tonight, a seemingly picture perfect couple, destroyed by deception and murder. how the unspeakable acts of a mother gripped the country nearly two