right now on jimmy kimmel, barak obama. have a great night. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, president barack obama. and music from zac brown band. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, that's me, hi. hello, i'm jimmy, the host. thanks for watching thanks for -- we've got a big show for you tonight. a very, very special guest. you know joe biden in this guy used to be his boss. [ laughter ] so the former president of the united states, barack obama, will join us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he's fired up. he's ready to go. are you fired up, guillermo? >> guillermo: i'm ready, jimmy, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is the perimeter secure? >> guillermo: clear, jimmy, code four. >> jimmy: my secret surveyso over here. [ laughter ] day 16 of squattergate. the bad president has no public

events on his schedule but he is busy cooking up all manner of evil schemes. this really is getting scary. all jokes aside, it's become very clear he's trying to cut the voters out of voting. he lost the election. he's 6 million votes behind. it's not even close, that's a lot of votes. now he's doing what he does, he's abusing the system to try to steal this election he claims has been stolen from him. remember when o.j. went into that hotel room with a bunch of thugs to steal his old memorabilia back? this is the white house version of that. [ laughter ] what's happening is insane. there's no one trump won't falsely accuse. he's accusing the georgia secretary of state, guy named brad raffensperger, of obstructing because he won't overturn biden's win. this guy, not only is he a republican, he's a hard-core republican, a guy who watches "blue bloods" every week type republican. never voted for a democrat in his life. and two years ago, he got an endorsement from guess who?

donald trump wrote, brad raffensperger will be a fantastic skate for georgia, will work closely with brian kemp, it's really important you vote for brad, vote brad, tough on crime and borders. the job has nothing to do with that, by the way. loves our military and vets, he will be great for jobs. but that was before brad raffensperger got tough on his job. brad is now part of the liberal conspiracy, i guess. and people believe this. your uncle believes this. [ laughter ] the bad news for trump is, the legal part of his legal strategy is not working. even worse news is, rudy giuliani is running his legal team. rudy guiliani gave another doozy of a press conference today. it was a success in that it did not take place in a parking lot next to a dildo shop. [ laughter ] but otherwise, it was not a success. it was a desperate, vomitus attack on every american who bothered to vote.

here's rudy using the movie "my cousin vinny" to explain why trump was swindled out of the vote in pennsylvania. >> we could do like -- did you all watch "my cousin vinny"? you know the movie? it's one of my favorite law movies because he comes from brooklyn. when the nice lady who said she saw, and then he says to her, how many fingers do i -- how many fingers do i got up? and she says, three. well, she was too far away. to see that it was only two. these people were further away than my cousin vinny was from the witness. >> jimmy: your honor, i rest my case. [ laughter ] [ applause ] bold move bringing up cousins from a guy who married one of his. but this is the best part of the press conference. this press conference went on for an hour and 45 minutes. and during that time, he got sweaty. and his hair color started running down both sides of his head. this is real. we did not doctor this.

he was literally dying up there today. [ laughter ] isn't it funny, the ones who shout fake news the loudest all have fake heads. it's like something out of a sci-fi horror movie. let's look at that again. how scary is this? it's a gram-pyre, run for your life! even with all this, even though trump is about to be evicted, he is still president of the united states, they can't take that away. they'll still have a painting of him in the national portrait gallery. there will still be a trump presidential library. they're planning it right now. in fact, we were able to get in touch with the man in casual of designing the trump presidential library, and he's with us now. please welcome scott mcdougal. hi, scott. >> oh! hey, jimmy. i was just doing some measuring. you know what they say, measure! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, right, yeah, they do. sorry to interrupt the measuring. i just had some questions for you about this presidential library you're designing.

>> well, you got the right guy. >> jimmy: politics aside, for an architect, this has got to be an exciting project to get, right? >> for what? no, no, god no. i'm not an architect, no. >> jimmy: oh, you're not? >> no, no. no, i'm a dentist who retweets racist cartoons. [ laughter ] they saw some of my stuff on facebook and they said, you got a good eye, give it a go! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you are in charge of the library, correct? >> heck, yes! yes, i am. >> jimmy: all right, well -- walk us through some of what you have planned, then. >> i'd love to. open wide! that's dentist talk. >> jimmy: oh, okay, yeah, all right. [ laughter ] >> okay, let me share my screen with you. >> jimmy: great. >> you see it now? do you see it now? >> jimmy: no, i just see you, i don't -- i think you have to push the button that says "share screen." >> i see one that says "mute." >> jimmy: no, that is not it, no. it's not the one that says "mute." >> okay, let me get my nephew in here for a second, i'll call you

right back. >> jimmy: you know, we can't really call back, we're on the air right now, scott. if you can just -- >> never mind, i got it, never mind. >> jimmy: great, okay, all right. all right. >> this computer. i figured it out. this is the front. you can see this here. look at that. >> jimmy: i hate to stop you already, but you're missing an "r." there's another "r" in library. >> you sure about that? >> jimmy: yes, i am. >> let me get my nephew -- >> jimmy: no, no. [ laughter ] there's really no need to get your nephew, i'm positive of that. >> never mind. >> jimmy: show us what else you have there for the library. >> kid's an incredible speller. this is very special. i want to start in the food court. we've got a chili's on one side and a chili's 2 on the other. it's like being at two airports at once. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sounds like a dream come true. >> i know, right? and then you head this way. you head to the -- past the ranch dressing fountain. are you seeing that?

then the spray tan corridor. >> jimmy: i do see that. what is -- that's a spray tan corridor? >> oh yes indeed, kind of like a car wash but without all those dang illegals. >> jimmy: okay, that is horrible. >> thank you, yeah. you know, i try to own the libs whenever i can, you know. >> jimmy: yeah. >> anyway, on the other end of the south corridor is the entrance to the ivanka art pavilion. >> jimmy: ivanka collects art? >> no, no. she poses for it. have you ever seen a sculpture with breast implants? >> jimmy: i can't say that i have, no. >> yeah, it's something they call squeezable art. very modern and very hot? sounds very interesting. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, no, i'm not seeing that. >> once you exit the ivanka exhibit, you will find the eric trump memorial ball pit. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: memorial? why is it memorial? eric isn't dead. >> really? >> jimmy: yeah, no, he's alive. >> oh. okay. i guess i'll let the president know. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: yeah, please do, let him know. >> it was his idea. you're going to love this. next to that is the melania escape room. check it out. >> jimmy: now that sounds like fun, that seems like a fun deal. >> yeah, well, it's a closet full of rats and hot wires. >> jimmy: okay. that sounds not as fun. this sounds dangerous, actually. is this going to be -- will kids -- it will be safe for children? >> of course it is. it will be wonderful for children. when kids see then paper towel cannon, their eyes light up like it's christmas morning, so excited. >> jimmy: you know, scott, with all these features, it seems like there's going to be hardly any room for books. >> for what? >> jimmy: for books. it's a library, right? >> no, no. it's a libery. won't be any books. instead of books we're going to pay tribute to the president's personal collection of swedish erotica on laser disk. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: that is exciting, they say that's the best format. >> don't take anything but laser disks when it comes to the swedes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: when do you think the libary will break ground? >> as soon as we get the check from president trump. so -- [ bleep ] if i know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, thank you, scott. i appreciate your time. that's scott mcdougal. [ cheers and applause ] he's a dentist. let me explain. he's a dentist, the dentist they put in charge of the trump libary. >> guillermo: unbelievable. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we've got a great show for you tonight. we have music from zac brown band tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and when we return, we will be back, we will be accompanied by president barack obama. [ cheers and applause ] so please stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ this week on "the upper hands"...

special guest flo challenges the hand models to show off the ease of comparing rates with progressive's home quote explorer. international hand model jon-jon gets personal. your wayward pinky is grotesque. then a high stakes patty-cake battle royale ends in triumph. you have the upper hands! it's a race to the lowest rate, and so much more. only on "the upper hands." because a sandwich so tangyrate, and and delicious, it has inspired songs, opinion pieces, even memes, is back. but you don't need to be told that. because a calendar reminder already did. this is a sandwich known to all by reputation. a sandwich you simply cannot eat before documenting. the mcrib is back. the most important sandwich of the year. ♪ ba da ba ba ba

save morethis week... circle. save $10 when you spend $50 on toys. now through saturday. join target circle on the target app. this week only. save more with target circle. only at target. what a special family! special like my pecan sandies. made with lots of pecans and real madagascar vanilla. only elves can make cookies this good! keebler® - made with magic, loved by families™. imagine the places we'll go... keebler® - ma♪e with magic, together. expedia

charmin ultra soft is so soft much are you hon? you'll have to remind your family they can use less. charmin ultra soft is twice as absorbent so you can use less. enjoy the go with charmin.

>> jimmy: welcome back to a very special show. tonight their song is called "the man who loves you the most," music from zac brown band later on. [ cheers and applause ] next week we have shows from kristen stewart, amy adams, music from jewel, and the great james taylor too. our next guest served our country for eight years, he wrote a book to remind you. it's called "the promised land: at long last." please say hello to president barack obama. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi. very good to see you. >> hey, jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, all right. he knows. we miss you. why did you leave us with him? [ laughter ] >> you know -- i've got to

follow the constitution and michelle's mandate. [ laughter ] which was eight years. then we had to get out of there. >> jimmy: the constitution seems a little shaky lately. so i think michelle's mandate is a lot stronger. how are you? thank you for doing this. it's great to see you. >> thank you so much for having me. >> jimmy: yes. i enjoyed your book. it is quite a book. i mean, it really is interesting and long. it's very long. [ laughter ] it's 701 pages long. did you make it that long to make sure trump never reads it? [ laughter ] >> you know, i don't think it would have to be 700 to be sure he didn't read it. [ cheers and applause ] you know, as i said in the preface, i didn't start off wanting to write a book that long. but as you start getting into it, you know, you realize, first of all, i want people to understand how i was making

decisions, you know, what we were dealing with the financial crisis or with iran or these other issues. and, you know, i didn't want to put everything in footnotes and end notes. i don't know about you, but when i read, i skip over those. i never look at that stuff. >> jimmy: i've never looked at a footnote, no, yeah. >> exactly. >> jimmy: there's not a bit of it that's extraneous. it is fascinating and it is interesting, because you read the news, you see the news, you know the stories that are happening. we'll get into some of that stuff. but the thought and the methodology that you put into every decision, and the gravity of these decisions, is absolutely i'm sure overwhelming. i don't know if you keep track of this stuff, but you sold around 900,000 copies the first day of release. [ cheers and applause ] do you know if that is more or less than your wife, michelle obama, sold with her book?

[ laughter ] >> it's a tad more. [ laughter ] but i'm not rubbing it in over dinner. you know. i know -- although in truth, michelle's attitude is, boy, you go out and sell some books, that's fine, because that will pay for some of my shoes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: have malia and sasha read the book? >> they have not. you are never a prophet in your own land. [ laughter ] their attitude is, we've got better things to do than to read your boring -- you know -- rants and raves. they promise at some point they will. which, in truth, i think it took them like ten years before they finally picked up my first book. so i suspect by the time they're 30, they will have read it. >> jimmy: your wife, michelle,

told me that you are afraid of sasha, is that true? [ laughter ] >> yes. [ laughter ] and the reason is because sasha is a mini michelle. >> jimmy: ah. >> and i'm afraid of michelle. [ laughter ] and sasha, having seen that, you know, basically has the same look and the same attitude. malia is more like me temperamentally. and we call ourselves the long faces. because her face is more shaped like mine. and it's -- the brown faces are michelle and sasha. the round faces are a fiercer tribe. we're like the vegetarians, you know, the gatherers, and they're the hunters. we try to keep the peace with them. >> jimmy: one of the fun stories in the book, shortly after you gave that speech at the dnc, suddenly you became very famous and you decided to take the girls to the zoo. you thought you'd be able to pull it off.

you got mobbed at the zoo. and the girls came up with a secret identity for you. >> that's right. we get mobbed. we have to leave the zoo. i'm kind of depressed about the whole thing. and malia, you know, who's sitting in the back seat with sasha, she says, "dad, you need an alias." sasha's like, what's an alias? well, it's a fake name you use so you disguise your identity. she said, it should be like johnny mcjohnjohn. that should be my name? she said, yeah. the problem is you also have to disguise your voice because it's too distinctive. you talk really slow, you need to speed up how you talk and use a higher voice. so she had a whole plan, sasha agreed to the plan. we get home, they explain the plan to michelle. michelle says, hon, the only way that daddy's going to disguise himself is if he has surgery to pin back his ears. [ laughter ]

which i found somewhat offensive. i'm generally the brunt of jokes in my house. >> jimmy: it's comforting to know that because i get the same thing at my house. you think you're a big shot, then you walk in the door. >> exactly. >> jimmy: it is interesting to read about the difficulties of being -- trying to be a good father and trying to be a good president and senator at the same time. and how much you struggled with that. >> yeah, i -- look, i mean -- i was very proud of the work i did and the service. and at the same time as i describe in the book, look, my dad wasn't there when i was growing up. and when i married michelle and we talked about starting a family, i said to myself, i'm going to do things differently. i'm going to make sure my daughters know me, they know

they're loved, they know they're supported. and overall, they'd say, i think, that i did a good job on that front. but there were a lot of times where i'd be gone more than i wanted. especially during the campaign for the presidency. there were times where i'd have to leave early in the middle of something because some crisis comes up. and maybe most frustrating, i couldn't do normal stuff with them. i describe how, if we wanted to go to a bookstore while i was president, you'd have the s.w.a.t. teams and you'd have to -- they'd have to, you know, bolt down the manhole covers in front of the store. >> jimmy: you'd have to bring in johnny mcjohnjohn to handle everything. >> exactly. the good news was, and i didn't anticipate this, this ended up being a weird benefit of the presidency. you don't have a commute.

>> jimmy: right. >> you live above the store. i was able to make sure that i was having dinner with them every night at 6:30. so you come from the situation room, then you sit down, and suddenly you're hearing about some dorky boy at school. you know. or witnessing an argument between michelle and sasha about whether sasha's going to actually eat that spinach or not. it takes your mind off things a little bit. and i -- it helped ground me. i actually think i was a better president because of that constant reminder of, what's the point of all this? other than making sure you're leaving a better world for your kids. >> jimmy: i have a feeling michelle and the girls are going to enjoy the cover of "instyle" magazine. have you seen this? >> i have not seen it. oh, look at that. [ cheers and applause ] that's what i do. >> jimmy: how many martinis in were you on this shoot? [ laughter ]

>> i think it was shot around noon. >> jimmy: oh. so you have no excuse. >> you know, these photographers, they mess with you. they'll say something, you'll say, that's ridiculous, and suddenly -- they splice it up and it makes it look like you're trying to look like james bond, when in fact you were asking, how soon is this going to be finished? >> jimmy: right, yeah, and you can't order a missile strike on their homes anymore. very powerless feeling, i'm sure. we have many things to discuss. i want to talk about health care, i want to talk about bin laden. president obama is with us. [ cheers and applause ] this is his book, "a promised land." we'll be right back. oh! over twenty-five hundred wishes granted. over two million meals provided. over four hundred national parks protected.

in fact, subaru and our retailers will have proudly donated over two hundred million dollars to national and hometown charities through the subaru share the love event. (vo) get 0% for 63 months and subaru will donate 250 dollars to charity. ♪ buy online, pick up same day if you wish. ♪ ♪ ♪ in-store, curbside, whatever your sitch i♪. ♪ it's the safest way to gift that ever existed. ♪ buy online, pick up in store and we'll contribute $10, up to $1 million, to this way onward. only at old navy and oldnavy.com irish cream cold brew holiday a new way festive is a tap away download the app today

optum perks can save you up to 80%. and everyone can do it. it's from optum, a health care company that's trusted by millions of people. opt in and save big today. with a touch of honey... plump, juicy raisins and tasty fiber into one delicious cereal? it took a lot of bran-storming. get it? kellogg's raisin bran crunch. two scoops of delicious.

people are saving hundreds on the most reliable in a land not so far away, network with xfinity mobile. they can choose from the latest phones or bring their own. and choose the data option that's right for them. they even get nationwide 5g at no extra cost. and since they are on the carrier rated #1 in customer satisfation, they live happily ever after. again, again! xfinity mobile. your wireless. your rules. your way to stay closer together. click, call, or visit an xfinity store today.

we have the power to harness abundant wind and solar energy, but it's not available all day long. use less from 4 to 9 pm and we can protect california for generations to come. oh! >> whoa! >> that's what i do! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what he does. welcome back. president barack obama is with us.

this is his book. that's unbelievable. i mean, come on. that's ridiculous. >> you know -- some people may not know. you know who passed me that basketball was actually maisie biden, joe biden's granddaughter. >> jimmy: oh. >> who was traveling with him on that campaign stop. and she's one of sasha's best friends, and i had coached her on the vipers, which is sasha's rec league team when they were 7 or 8. she was the lebron james of the league. >> jimmy: well, she got an assist on that one. that has to make you happy. i mean, for all the many accomplishments, making a shot like that as you're campaigning for joe biden is ridiculous. [ laughter ] it really is. do you feel that -- >> it was. >> jimmy: -- when you congratulated biden and senator harris that you were premature in doing that? [ laughter ] >> no. >> jimmy: no? >> i thought i was right on time.

[ laughter ] there seems to be some lag. the communication system in the white house used to be better. it was realtime. [ laughter ] you know, there's a lot of, you know -- [ applause ] -- computers there that actually tell you what is going on around the world. >> jimmy: you know the white house well. you lived there for eight years. are there places someone could hide? like if, say, they want -- they were going to be removed? are there little cubbyholes or anything we should know about? >> well, i think we can always send the navy s.e.a.l.s in there to dig him out. laugh. >> jimmy: will it be weird to call joe biden mr. president? >> no. i've already called him mr. president-elect. >> jimmy: okay. >> i called him up. you know -- and i think that his experience over eight years is -- he knows the job. and he understands the gravity of it. he will hit the ground running. most importantly, with respect

to how to deal with this pandemic. we, as i describe in the book, we dealt with h1n1, we dealt with ebola. we actually set up an entire pandemic playbook and task force inside the white house in the eventuality that, in fact, something like this would happen. >> jimmy: and what happened to that task force? >> it got disbanded. >> jimmy: it got disbanded, yeah. >> by the current president. but it will be resurrected. [ applause ] and that will be really important. i wish the transition was going better, because we lose time during these crisis. as i describe, when i came in, we were in the middle of a big crisis, the financial crisis. george w. bush, you know, he and i had obviously big policy differences, but he's a good man. he's a patriot.

and he ordered everybody on his team to work seamlessly with us on the transition. could not have been more gracious, could not have been more helpful. and that actually helped us be able to get a head start on trying to stem what could have been a great depression instead of a great recession. >> jimmy: it is interesting, reading the book, that you have -- you could pick what you want to push. there are many things you care about, a million different things you care about, but there are only so many things you're going to be able to get done as president. fortunately for us you chose health care as your first big push. and it is -- going through and reading about how difficult it is to get something like that done, which is crazy by the way, because it's something that, looking back, people are pretty happy with. but it's amazing that you got it done. it is the slimmest of margins. and to this day, republicans keep trying to kill it. and us while they're at it. i mean, that is -- that alone is, i think, an accomplishment that you could build a presidency around. >> you know, i was really proud

about that. and i go into detail of the -- all the hurdles and barriers. it's probably the one piece of legislation where i really describe in detail the whole legislative process. the sausage-making, as it's called in washington. you're right, it shouldn't be that hard. >> jimmy: yeah. because when you make sausage, people -- everybody understands the people want to eat the sausage. but there are people going, no, no, no sausage for these people! and you're saying, but people want sausage. we wind up with no sausage a lot of the time. [ laughter ] >> you know, we have some structural barriers that are making government not work. and i describe one of them, which is the filibuster in the senate, where it's not in the constitution but somehow -- now everything requires a super

majority, 60 votes, to get things done. which means that unified opposition can block anything. and that's what happened during health care. i tell you what though, jimmy. the bottom line is that we ended up getting not just 20 million people who didn't have health insurance health insurance, but as you have so eloquently championed, and i mean this sincerely. you helped save the protections of the affordable care act when you spoke so eloquently about its impact on your own family. and hundreds -- over 100 million people have somebody in their family with a pre-existing condition that could have been affected if this thing had gotten repealed. now i look back and i say, that is worth it. and as i describe in the book, the night that we got that done, and i was upstairs, michelle and the girls were on spring break. i was alone with beau, the dog that ted kennedy had given me. he had been a champion of health care.

>> jimmy: oh, i thought you meant beau. beau was also a champion of health care. >> sure. >> jimmy: veterinary, i'm sure. >> you know, that night was the best night of my presidency. because i knew this was a hard thing, we got it done, and i was absolutely convinced that once it took, that the american people over time would see the benefits of it. and it survived a lot of efforts to get unwound. >> jimmy: many years ago i decided to do an experiment. we went out on the street, we asked people what they thought of the affordable care act. and then we asked those same, mostly republicans, asked those same people what they thought of obamacare. and it was comical. i mean, everybody liked the

affordable care act and no one liked obamacare. and it's just so frustrating. and i would imagine it's very frustrating for you. but thank god you made that top of the list, really. [ applause ] >> it was a priority. we've got more work to do. and yeah, there's still people who don't have coverage. there's still people who, even though obamacare has made it accessible, some of the premiums are still a little bit too expensive for folks who are working but don't make a lot of money and aren't getting as big of a subsidy as they need. so i'm glad that joe biden has made it one of his priorities, to improve it. i always called this a starter home. it's a good start. just like social security began. it didn't cover everybody, eventually it grew. my hope is we build on this. each generation should be able to refine and perfect this so that over time, eventually we do the same thing for american

citizens as every place else, from canada to japan to france to england, everybody else is able to do, which is ensure if you get sick, you don't go bankrupt, your family's getting good care, and overall everybody is better off. >> president obama is with us. when we come back i want to ask about bin laden and more things. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ gay air can -- . >> these are the dogs vitamins.

bacardi. do what moves you. whoa! someone please help! of course. you're tenacious, i'll give you that! it's ok, i'm ok... [heavy breathing] where are you? coming! let's do this! yeaahh! it's on!! woooo! whoa... [heavy breathing] rated rp to t. okay, so, magnificent mile for me! i thought i was managing my moderate to severe crohn's disease. until i realized something was missing me. you okay, sis? my symptoms were keeping me from really being there for my sisters. so i talked to my doctor and learned

that's us. (reacting to boarding announcement) humira is for people who still have symptoms of crohn's disease after trying other medications. the majority of people on humira saw significant symptom relief in as little as 4 weeks. and many achieved remission that can last. humira can lower your ability to fight infections. serious and sometimes fatal infections, including tuberculosis, and cancers, including lymphoma, ...have happened, as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. be there for you and them. ask your gastroenterologist about humira. with humira, remission is possible. wathis year, try shopping for mchristmas gifts live. there's a place you can go where great gifts fill each shelf no need for shipping - just grab them yourself come find perfect presents up through christmas eve

at prices almost too good to believe so if you still need gifts and it's already december this is the place to spend less and gift better t.j. maxx, marshalls, and homegoods.

♪ ojust one jar of olay retinol24? hydrates better than the $100 retinol cream. for smooth, bright skin or your money back. olay. face anything. and try new retinol24 max.

>> jimmy: welcome back. president barack obama is with us. this is his book. it is a big bestseller called "the promised land." it's great. one of the -- really, one of the most fascinating stories i've ever heard is the story about planning and executing the raid on bin laden. and also all the different things that were going on while you were working on that. >> well, the bookends with the bin laden raid. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and part of the reason i ended the book on the bin laden raid was, it was also at the

time when the whole birther conspiracy was being floated by donald trump. >> jimmy: right. >> and so, you know, you get the split screen that i was experiencing during my presidency, where we are planning this huge, risky, difficult operation that involves all the power and technology and skill and courage of the u.s. military and intelligence. and at the same time i'm dealing with a guy who's saying that i wasn't born where i was born. it gives you kind of an example of the weirdness of modern politics. where you want the president to be focused on the job, not on a circus. but the circus is what a lot of times is dominating the press. and ends up distracting a lot of the white house. and one of the things i always

had to do was to try to screen that stuff out to make sure that i'm keeping my eye on the ball. >> jimmy: it's almost -- it almost feels like a television show, it's so preposterous. you've got this guy who -- by the way, i'm sure you know, floated the idea that you -- they didn't actually kill bin laden. you killed weird al or something like that. did you kill weird al yankovic? [ laughter ] >> well, look. i mean, it would be preposterous except for the fact that it's the president of the united states retweeting it. >> jimmy: yes. >> and when you had i think one of the members of the s.e.a.l. team responding, you know, understanding the risks he and his fellow s.e.a.l. members took, anything could have happened. that's just not what you want out of a commander in chief. >> jimmy: it's very silly.

>> yeah. >> jimmy: so a personal question. i asked this question of your wife. i interviewed her in tacoma last year. she told me that -- she said the next time i see you, i will tell you the answer, and i will tell you a story. but i haven't seen her. so on the night you did kill bin laden, did you and michelle make love? [ laughter ] >> did she say she was going to answer that? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes. when i read the book and you were talking about hearing people outside the white house chanting "usa, usa, usa," i had an image in my head, i did. [ laughter and applause ] >> i suspect that she was asleep. because the truth of the matter is, most of the time, by the time i was done working, she'd be snoozing. >> jimmy: right. >> michelle goes to bed about 9:00. >> jimmy: you don't have to make excuses, it's okay. [ laughter ] i experience the same thing.

>> it's not an excuse, it's a lament. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's a good title for the next book, "a lament." i thought this might be fun. we have something planned. we found some people who are very excited about your book coming out. some of them traveled to your inauguration in 2008. and we told them -- they don't know that we're involved with this at all, they don't know this is on television. i think they think it's through a bookstore. we asked them if they wanted to watch clips of you reading your that you book. they think these are prerecorded clips, like an audio book that they'll be seeing. instead, we'd like you to do it live, and then kind of surprise them as you do. would you like to give this a try? >> good, let's do this, come on, i'm ready. [ applause ] >> jimmy: let's start. this woman's name is joyce taylor. she's an auditor from temple hills, maryland. huge fan. saves magazine clippings about

you, all this stuff. she can't hear us, she doesn't know she's on. >> who is this? >> being the president takes a lot of hard work and sacrifice. >> oh! >> one of the most rewarding parts of the job was traveling these united states -- >> oh my god. >> meeting the great people that make up this country. from farmers in iowa to auto workers in detroit to retired auditors from temple hills, maryland. the retired auditors are actually my favorite. >> oh my god! [ laughter ] they're always coming up to me and saying things like, oh my god, barack, i love you, my name is joyce taylor. joyce, was that a pretty good impression of you? hey, joyce, what's going on? [ applause ] how are you? >> i'm fine! >> joyce, it's so nice to see you. [ laughter ] >> oh, joyce, this is so sweet. >> okay, okay. >> you okay?

>> yes, mr. president. okay, i'm okay, i'm good. >> joyce, i just wanted to let you know that i so appreciate -- i hear that you've been a big supporter. >> i am. >> jimmy kimmel decided we should surprise you by pretending we were reading the book. >> oh my god. it's so nice to meet you. >> jimmy: hey, joyce. joyce, are you excited to see me? [ laughter ] >> see, there's jimmy. [ applause ] >> we're not getting a lot out of joyce in terms of words. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: joyce? wow, we know why you're named joyce, that's for sure. rejoice. joyce? maybe you could send joyce a book, president obama. >> joyce, you are going to get a signed copy of this book, that's

for sure. [ cheers and applause ] >> oh my gosh, thank you so much, thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: all right, thank you, joyce. i'm sorry to -- >> you stay safe, okay? >> jimmy: stay safe, that's right. >> thank you so much. so nice to meet you. and you too, mr. kimble. [ applause ] i'm so sorry, i'm not normally like this. thank you so much, thank you so much. god bless you. >> jimmy: you're making people happy. >> i pray for you all the time. thank you so much. >> jimmy: thank you, joyce. thank you, president obama. the book is called "a promised land." it is out now. thank you very much. thanks for joining us. that was fun. appreciate it. we'll be right back with zac brown band. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. is it just proximity? is two houses down any less of a neighbor

than the person next door? live here, look out for here. simple. in times of need, neighbors step up for neighbors. we do, too. with a helping hand, and a warm meal. what kind of neighbor would we be if we didn't? ♪ what kind of neighbor wat target, order todayt? and get it today! just use target same day delivery or drive up. for groceries, gifts and more on your list. it's the fastest way to get what you need, today. at target.

with a touch of honey... plump, juicy raisins and tasty fiber into one delicious cereal? it took a lot of bran-storming. get it? kellogg's raisin bran crunch. two scoops of delicious. so this aveeno® moisturizer goes beyond just soothing sensitive skin? exactly jen! calm + restore oat gel is formulated with prebiotic oat. and strengthens skin's moisture barrier. uh! i love it! aveeno® healthy. it's our nature.™ see yourself. welcome back to the mirror. and know you're not alone because this. come on jessie one more. is the reflection of an unstoppable community in the mirror. so what's going on? i'm a talking dog. the other issue. oh...i'm scratching like crazy. you've got some allergic itch with skin inflammation.

apoquel can work on that itch in as little as 4 hours, whether it's a new or chronic problem. and apoquel's treated over 8 million dogs. nice. and...the talking dog thing? is it bothering you? no...itching like a dog is bothering me. until dogs can speak for themselves, you have to. when allergic itch is a problem, ask for apoquel. apoquel is for the control of itch associated with allergic dermatitis and the control of atopic dermatitis in dogs. do not use apoquel in dogs less than 12 months old or those with serious infections. apoquel may increase the chance of developing serious infections and may cause existing parasitic skin infestations or pre-existing cancers to worsen. do not use in breeding, pregnant, or lactating dogs. most common side effects are vomiting and diarrhea. feeling better? i'm speechless. thanks for the apoquel. aw...that's what friends are for. ask your veterinarian for apoquel next to you, apoquel is a dog's best friend.

>> dicky: next week on "jimmy kimmel live," kristen stewart.

>> jimmy: thanks to president barack obama. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next. but first, before that, their song is called "the man who loves you the most." zac brown band! ♪ ♪ ♪ most nights i try to pack got you climbin' on my back sayin' daddy when am ♪ ♪ i gonna see you again you know i gotta go out on the road and get on with the show ♪ ♪ so most nights your mama's gonna tuck you in when you're missin' me look at the stars up there ♪ ♪ i'll be wishin' on the same

ones and singin' this father's prayer i hope you see ♪ ♪ the seven wonders i hope you sail the seven seas i hope you let the ♪ ♪ whole world in your heart but you still got room for me i hope you find a guy ♪ ♪ that treats you right on your wedding night i'll raise a toast hope he understands ♪ ♪ i'll always be the man that loves you the most ♪ ♪ summer's gone and school is back ♪ ♪ it's my turn to help you pack i'll keep your room exactly how it is ♪ ♪ i know you gotta go out on your own i'm so proud of you you

know you're the ♪ ♪ best thing that this old man ever did when i'm missin' you and all the stars come out ♪ ♪ sing this prayer when the quiet gets too loud i hope you see the seven wonders ♪ ♪ i hope you sail the seven seas i hope you let the whole world in your heart ♪ ♪ but you still got room for me i hope you find a guy that treats you right ♪ ♪ on your wedding night i'll raise a toast hope he understands i'll always be the man ♪ ♪ who loves you the most trust your gut hold your own but allow for doubting too ♪ ♪ forgive the wrongs and love yourself that's the hardest thing to do ♪

♪ if your back's against the wall baby come on home i'm always here for you and when you've seen ♪ ♪ the seven wonders when you sail the seven seas when you change the whole ♪ ♪ world with your heart i hope you think of me when i go to sing my final song ♪ ♪ hope you celebrate and raise a toast if you cry they'll understand ♪ ♪ for the man who loved you the most ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

this is "nightline," tonight, breaking news, the u.s. green lighting the first covid-19 vaccine. >> today, our nation as achieved a mill miracle. >> who will be getting the shots first? what we are learning about the emergency authorization. plus, sentenced to death. the black man convicted of kill canning a bride to be, now the jailhouse interview. >> i have to accept that, i'm here now. er for something that i didn't do. >> why celebrities like kim kardashian west are fighting for his freedom. the victim's family fighting back. >> what you are upset the most about? >> the lies told about her. >> convinced the r