get exhilarated, the weekend is >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- john mulaney, rita wilson, and music from devon gilfillian. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone, thanks. oh, it's -- it's too much already. i'm jimmy, i'm host of the show. thank you for watching the show on giving tuesday, #givingtuesday. can you believe we used to be terrible without hashtags? [ laughter ] it seems weird to have giving tuesday after everyone spent all their money on black friday and cyber monday and give me some of that saturday. [ laughter ] but that's how we do it. america first. this was nice. in honor of giving tuesday, jeff bezos, founder of amazon, the world's richest man, gave his employees an extra 90 seconds to use the bathroom today. [ laughter ] no one had to sprint. [ applause ]

there are so many worthy places to send your money on giving tuesday, and none less so than the donald j. trump election defense fund. uncle scam has been raking it in. [ laughter ] he's raise $170 million doing this since the election. for what i don't know. he knows the results aren't going to be overturned but i guess he saw an opportunity to make money. it's like setting up your bake sale outside a curves, you know? [ laughter ] but maybe that's the reason he won't concede. this is day 28 of squattergate. he's still rousing rabble in the various swing states. but the future is not rosy for the president. his own attorney general today, william barr, dropped a december surprise on him. in an interview with the ap, barr said, we have not seen fraud on a scale that could have effected a different outcome in the election. barr appeared to throw a jab at trump saying, there's a growing tendency to use the criminal justice system as a sort of default fix-all when people don't like something, they want

the department of justice to come in and investigate. oh, man. if bill barr had a neck, trump would totally be wringing it right now. [ laughter ] he did call him into the white house. what's left of trump's legal team immediately put out a statement that said, we have many witnesses swearing under oath they saw crimes being committed in connection with voter fraud. as far as we know, not a single one has been interviewed by the doj. with the greatest respect to the attorney general, his opinion appears to be without any knowledge or investigation of the substantial irregularities and evidence of systemic fraud. wow. so -- bill barr is part of the conspiracy too. it goes so deep. [ laughter ] did you have any idea it went this deep? >> guillermo: no, jimmy, no. >> jimmy: are you even listening? >> guillermo: i am listening to you, yeah, i am, always. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: william barr has been one of trump's most obnoxiously loyal allies throughout, emphasis on lies in allies.

this would be like if thelma turned on louise, like if you turned on me, guillermo, it's unthinkable. apparently this election ruse is too much even for bill barr, and trump is lashing out at everyone, including his bigliest supporters. including the governors of georgia and arizona. the governor of arizona, doug doocy, he doesn't know what to do right now. trump wants him to just ignore the results of the election and declare him the winner in arizona, which the governor doesn't even have the power to do. these two are or were so close that trump -- doocy gave trump his own ring tone on his phone. >> we've had so much outreach personally from both the president and the vice president, that i had to change the ring tone on my phone. and it rings "hail to the chief" because i didn't want to miss another phone call directly from the white house. >> jimmy: so that was back in july. and this was yesterday. when doocy officially certified the results in arizona, which gave the state to joe biden. they broadcast this certification live. and guess who called right in

the middle of him signing it? [ "hail to the chief" ring tone playing ] >> jimmy: that's right, "hail to the chief." [ laughter and applause ] i believe the young people call that ghosting. after being publicly screened, the president called into a hearing in arizona on the subject of voter fraud, to drop a doocy on doug. >> arizona will not forget what doocy just did, we're not going to forget the people of arizona. >> jimmy: he also angrily tweeted about doocy multiple times. this guy is his friend. doug doocy. now you see why his stupid sons never stop kissing his ass. one wrong word, they're out too. [ laughter ] for all the fake outrage he's spewing in public, cnn is reporting one of trump's closest advisers says the president sees the writing on the wall. what wall is he seeing it on? the one he didn't build to keep the caravans out?

[ laughter ] i'm glad he sees the writing. once he lost wisconsin five times in ten days, he realized the end might be near. [ laughter ] not only has trump lost the election, he even lost pat robertson, who if you don't know is the 400-year-old host of "the 700 club." [ laughter ] pat nearly died coming up with this football analogy explaining what's going on. >> when the game is all over and the -- the total has been posted, he says, i'd like you to change the score. and the people say, no, the game's over, you've lost. that's what we're dealing with here, folks. >> jimmy: i never thought i'd see this but the weird little muppet is right. [ laughter ] that is what we're dealing with, folks. our president-elect was out and about showing off his brand-new orthopedic boot. >> mr. president-elect, how does your foot feel? how's your foot? >> good! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thanks, boniva. it's going to be a very boring

four years. [ laughter ] team biden is moving ahead with plans for his inauguration which will reportedly be scaled down because of the pandemic. they're trying to figure out how many cars they can fit on the white house lawn right now. [ laughter ] we don't know if trump plans to be at biden's inauguration or if he'll spend the day with his mouth open under a mcdonald's soft serve ice cream machine. but we still have almost two months to go. trump still has 50 days in office. he's president for 50 -- we shouldn't have this much time between the election and the inauguration. we should treat the white house like it's america's airbnb. lose the election, check out's 11:00 a.m. next morning. [ cheers and applause ] strip the seats, leave the keys under the mat. new president checks in at 3:00. pardon-palooza is under way. last week trump granted clemency to his former national security adviser, michael flynn, a man who repeatedly lied to the fbi. according to the "new york times," trump's criminal attorney, rudy giuliani, floated

the idea of getting a presidential pardon too, for whatever might hit. that surprises me. i always assume that when the clock struck midnight on inauguration day, rudy would turn back into a ferret and go about his way. [ laughter ] rudy's spokesperson said, mayor giuliani cannot comment on any discussions he has with his client. he is, however, currently screaming about massive ballot dumps in the parking lot of a chuck e. cheese. [ laughter ] the holiday season is upon us. we started our advent calendar with the kids this morning. here's the thing about advent calendars. you forget. turns out 3-year-olds don't really understand the concept of only opening one little door per day to get the toy. so we are now in for 25 days of torture leading up to jesus' birthday. [ laughter ] guillermo, your son benji had a birthday? >> guillermo: today, he's 9 years old. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: does he ever watch you on the show? >> guillermo: sometimes he does. >> jimmy: sometimes he does. happy birthday, benji. >> guillermo: thank you.

>> jimmy: guillermo and i have an annual holiday tradition we were determined to continue even though covid is happening. every year we dress up as santa's little helpers to find out how the kiddies are behaving. this year we did it via video chat. >> jimmy: hi, kids. how are you? >> hi! >> jimmy: i'm elf jimmy and this is elf guillermo. we are hired by santa claus to find out if you've been naughty or nice this year. what are your names? >> danielle and nicholas. >> jimmy: just like santa claus, that's his name. st. nicholas. >> yeah. >> jimmy: the one difference between santa and you, nicholas, santa has all his teeth. how many teeth did you lose in the front there? >> two. >> jimmy: okay. we'll bring you a couple of those. >> the tooth fairy took them. >> jimmy: oh, we know the tooth fairy. really weird lady, has piles and piles of teeth all over her backyard, very strange.

we don't go near her, and you should not either. sleep with one eye open. [ laughter ] let's talk about christmas. what we've heard is one of you has been naughty and one has been nice. which one of you has been nice? oh. >> guillermo: both? >> jimmy: we're going to have to figure this out. tell us about some of the naughty things that you've done this year. >> my sister punched me. >> jimmy: oh! >> guillermo: wow. >> just punched me. walking into my sister -- i think my sister thought i was sleepwalking. >> jimmy: she got scared and punched you in your sleep? >> trying to wake him up. >> you could have done this. >> jimmy: danielle, tell us about something that nick has done wrong this year. >> um -- >> jimmy: what's he saying? what's he whispering? >> that he didn't clean his room. >> jimmy: oh. >> i'm going to clean my room today.

>> jimmy: nick, you're actually tattling on yourself. [ laughter ] all right, so you're going to clean your room today. you guys have been pretty good. let's talk about what you want for christmas. let's get into it. go ahead. >> i want a puppy and all the boy stuff. >> jimmy: okay. >> but not girl stuff. >> jimmy: no girl stuff. >> i want a lol dream house for christmas. >> jimmy: two lol dream houses, one for nick, and one for danielle. >> i don't want that! >> ha ha ha! >> jimmy: you don't want that? okay. all right. >> that's girl stuff. >> jimmy: what do you want? >> i want a drone that can fly to the north pole and give you guys a letter. >> jimmy: wow. >> guillermo: wow. >> jimmy: you want a drone that will fly a letter to us, that we can give to santa. and what will it say in that letter? >> some things that he wants for toys or something -- >> no, no, not that. >> jimmy: what? >> i want to say thank you to

santa. >> jimmy: you know what, can i tell you something? kids always send lists to santa of things they want. and they almost never send thank you notes for the things they got. and i think that's a really nice thing to do. you know, you could also drop it in the mail, you don't necessarily need a drone to send a letter. >> he was going to mail it to you guys. >> jimmy: you guys would mail it. >> the mailman? >> jimmy: yeah. >> who will take it to him? who will go to the north pole to bring it to you guys, and then you guys can bring it to santa? >> jimmy: well, the mailman. we get mail up here. >> i don't think the mailman will survive the cold. >> jimmy: yeah, we do have a lot of dead mailmen on the lawn right now, frozen. [ laughter ] but don't worry, if you send a letter, it will get to us, okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: you can trust in the u.s. postal service. kind of. [ laughter ] all right, guys. we got you a surprise.

because we've heard you've been so good. and so we got you gifts before christmas. >> what is this? >> jimmy: open it right now. yeah. >> there isn't anything in the box! >> jimmy: well, yeah, no -- nick is holding it. it's a sock. >> there's only one! >> jimmy: oh, we'll send you another one. >> seriously? >> jimmy: well, you got to start somewhere, right? i mean, you can't go out and play with your drone without socks on, can you? >> there's only one sock, and there's two of us, and there's four feet altogether. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, i didn't realize you'd be so good at math. >> i know 100 times 100. >> jimmy: what is it? >> 1,000. >> jimmy: what? >> 10,000.

>> no! >> no! >> jimmy: oh, you guys want 10,000 socks? >> what? >> no! >> jimmy: okay, we'll send 10,000 socks to your house. bye, kids, merry christmas. >> no! >> merry christmas, but no, no, no, 10,000 socks, no! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, thank you, kids. we have a good show for you tonight. rita wilson is here. we've got music from devon gilfillian. we'll be right back with john mulaney, so stick around! ♪ ♪ ♪ smooth driving pays off. ♪ with allstate, the safer you drive the more you save. ♪ you never been in better hands. allstate. click or call for a quote today.

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome, welcome, welcome back to the show. tonight, rita wilson is with us. rita wilson grabbed covid by the neck and choked the life out of it very early on. then later, his grammy nominated album is called "black hole rainbow." music from devon gilfillian. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, who's on

tomorrow night? oh, yeah. george clooney is on tomorrow night. [ cheers and applause ] and amanda seyfried with music from tones & i. on thursday, zendaya and diego luna with paris jackson. [ cheers and applause ] please join us for all that. our first guest tonight is a two-time emmy winner and a very bright and funny young man. starting friday he returns as the voice of a pubescent boy named andrew on season 4 of one of the dirtiest and funniest cartoons ever, "big mouth" on netflix. please welcome john mulaney! [ cheers and applause ] >> hey, hey, how are you, jimmy? sorry, i'm just -- i was just reading "mayor," an autobiography by ed koch. >> jimmy: very timely. >> i do -- i just like a good beach read. yeah, i like when someone writes an autobiography while they're mayor called "mayor." >> jimmy: are you on the beach right now? is that where you are? >> mentally, baby. you know, i have a zen approach to life.

>> jimmy: i feel like, john, you and joe biden and maybe like dua lipa are the only people who had a good 2020. [ laughter ] you hosted "saturday night live" two times this year. by the way, you were great both times. >> oh, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] that's nice of you. >> jimmy: fantastic job. >> i hosted february 29th, which was a leap year show. they'd never had one before. and then i -- then covid came. well, it was already here, but you know, whatever. covid happened. and then i -- everything was closed, as you remember, and the audience might recall too. [ laughter ] and then in the summer, things started to open up. and i don't need to take you through the whole thing. [ laughter ] basically, i did the show, the world shut down, the world partially opened up, and my first job back of anything was doing the show again. >> jimmy: that was the first thing you did? >> that was the first thing -- that was the first professional enterprise i undertook since the

pandemic, yeah. >> jimmy: that was on halloween. so you didn't get a chance to go and like try out your jokes or any of that stuff? >> i did. i did eight times. i worked on them all. i ran it eight times in different fields in new jersey and connecticut. outdoor restaurants. you know, you can gauge an outdoor crowd, it's like the ocean. you're like -- that could be clapping. you just hear kind of noise and it has a slow roll back at you. not perfect for running tight jokes for an "snl" monologue. but i went out and -- on tv and i said them. >> jimmy: and it -- it worked. i mean, everyone seemed to love it. i thought it was great. did everyone love it? or some people were mad at you, as i recall? >> yes. and with good reason, with good reason. i had a joke about how we had the election coming up. this was october 31st.

november 3rd was -- again, i don't think i need to take the audience through this, but i will anyway. november 3rd, there was a presidential election. and i had a joke, the intention of the joke was that some things will never change. despite the winner. and that the poor will still suffer, the rich will continue to prosper, the mentally ill and the drug addicted will not be taken care of, jane lynch will still book gig after gig and do a great job at it, little girls will still want to leave a sleepover because the other girls bullied her, then she'll have to sit upstairs at the dining room table with the dad of the girl who bullied her and wait for her parents to pick her up. it was a very smart joke. [ laughter ] but i made -- in the setup i said, basically, like no matter who wins. which i really didn't even agree with. i often say things on tv in

front of 10 million people that, you know, i'm just kind of floating as ideas. >> jimmy: right. >> but i -- i should have said, i very much want one to win over the other, and there will be improvements. if one wins. [ laughter ] and i flat-out -- like i deserved the backlash. i flat-out forgot. i just forgot to do it. and i never -- like i ran the joke in like a field in connecticut. and i was like, all right, let's rock and roll. i never was like, hey, don't you mean that one guy's worse than the other? and i forgot to make the joke good. so the beginning was -- [ laughter ] the beginning wasn't -- the beginning was, you know, a strange thing to toss out there. three days before an election in front of a lot of people going, look, it doesn't matter who wins because, and now i'll get to the jane lynch joke. >> jimmy: right. you thought -- >> my wife -- everyone who knows me was like, what the hell did you just say?

and i was like, what, no good, no good? there's no excuse for not working out the wording of a joke that you then do on television. >> jimmy: well, when you're in a field, things happen. you can't really trust the audience in a field. >> i never said it was a show, i said i was in a field. >> jimmy: yeah, right. [ laughter ] >> telling jokes at people. yeah, there was a kid's soccer game. i brought snacks that week, i had orange slices. >> jimmy: not only were people who oppose trump angry at you, then also people who like trump were angry at you. >> less so them. because they kind of like the -- they like low voter turnout. [ laughter ] i was surprised that -- that my -- well, i wasn't surprised when i realized how bad the wording was. but people to the left came after me this last month. but in february i did a joke that was not about donald trump.

the joke was about how it was a leap year, and leap year had been started by julius cesar to correct the calendar, and another thing that happened with cesar was that he was stabbed to death by a bunch of senators because he went crazy. and i said, that's an interesting thing that could happen. [ laughter ] and i just did it again, which i'm realizing in the moment, i just told it again. i got in -- a lot of like magazines that i don't think existed before, like patriotic magazines that just suddenly were on twitter, you know? just like "bald eagle monthly," like, this is an outrage! [ laughter ] what also happened is there's a service that operates for the president, and there's secret. >> jimmy: oh. [ laughter ] >> they're a secret service. and they -- >> jimmy: how do you know about

them? [ laughter ] >> they -- because they investigated me. and i guess they opened a file on me because of the joke. >> jimmy: wow. >> and i have to say, there was a -- am i stoked there's a file open on me? absolutely. [ laughter ] did i enjoy it in the moment? not so much. but the person vetting me said -- was very understanding that this -- that the joke had nothing to do with donald trump. and that -- because it was -- it was an elliptical reference to him. it wasn't -- i didn't say anything about him. >> jimmy: i'm not with the secret service, don't worry, you're not in trouble here. [ laughter ] >> no, but i also thought it was funny when he got covid, jake tapper, people on the news would be like, day five of hoping someone gets worse. [ laughter ] you know, the tone of the news was like, oh, fluids are low! [ laughter ] but i love the news and i love

the left wing and i love democrats. so -- what was i going to say? so they were very nice in the interview. i don't think they -- in terms of risk assessment, no one who's ever looked at me has thought i registered above a 1. [ laughter ] so they said, now is there anything else we should know about? and i was like -- i was like, what do you mean? they're like, anything else? and i was like, do you mean like anything bad i've done? and they were like, we don't mean anything bad you've done. i was going to tell them i sniffed glue when i was a kid and stuff. but i'm cleared by the secret service. i've been told. at the same time, my wife was doing -- she was working on a project for the smithsonian down in d.c. so we had an apartment down there, and i was living in d.c. it's where we ended up quarantining. and i failed to realize that after being investigated -- after telling the secret service

they had nothing else to worry about, that i had leased an apartment for one year in washington, d.c. [ laughter ] and that apartment was across the street from the secret service building. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh my goodness. >> so we had -- it had a vibe, it had a planned vibe to it. by the way, that we all know it's the secret service building, again, not so secret. >> jimmy: john mulaney. when we come back, we'll see a little bit, a smidgen of the new season of "big mouth" which premieres friday on netflix. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ e network, added 5g nationwide for millions of americans and the unprecedented performance of ultra wideband in more and more places where people need massive capacity and ultra-low lag. i'm proud ultra wideband was named the fastest 5g in the world.

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this is jesse's new boyfriend, i guess? >> oh lord this guy's sensual and deep. if i'm diane lane i am cheating on my mean old husband with this one. >> spray painting shirtless? so thirsty. >> it's like, ditch the pants already. >> is he sweating in that picture? click on that, screen grab it, email it to my secret account and delete from it "sent" items. >> i'm going to text jesse, we

should all meet up in the city. >> if we're forced to meet michelangelo, get it over with. >> yeah. he'll sit on your chest, you'll sit on his, who cares? >> jimmy: john mulaney and nick kroll in "big mouth" on netflix. such a funny show. >> thank you. all credit to nick kroll and andrew goldberg for creating that, and mark and jen, i just do voice. i use my voice, my beautiful voice, to play a horny child. >> jimmy: do you like using your voice to play a horny child? >> i really like doing voice-over stuff. i really, really enjoy it. because it's easy. and you don't have to get -- you know, you walk into like a -- absolutely no effort. except for the performance is required. the one thing that's a little -- not frustrating, but one thing

that i realize again and again i have to do is, because he's a horny child, he is often achieving satisfaction in his own room, this boy. he's masturbating. >> jimmy: right, right, yeah. i'm familiar with it. >> you were sort of looking at -- your expression, i wondered if you needed more content. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i've read about it, yeah. >> so i happen to make a lot of, like, uggh! or -- duhh! that type noise. that's the noise that people make, i guess. so for the verisimilitude -- is that the word? it's important to get it correct. we're in season 4 now and i've been making climaxing noises for like 3 1/2 years. and now when they ask for them i'm like, don't you have like a bank of these already? [ laughter ] don't you have, like, 100 you can choose from? i'm still standing here going,

oh, yeah oh, yeah, guhh! they're like, could you do it with a question mark at the end? [ laughter ] those are all efforts. when you've done voice-over -- have you done -- when they call it efforts? >> jimmy: i hate doing the noises, yes. now you're running, now you got punched, now you're panting -- it makes me feel like an idiot. >> i'm like, i'm not an actor, you know? i took this because i didn't have to get dressed. [ laughter ] i'm not someone who knows how to talk while running. >> jimmy: well, john, everything you do is great. i honestly mean that. i thank you for being on the show tonight. season 4 of "big mouth" premieres friday on netflix. john mulaney, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, out in stores now. >> jimmy: be back with rita wilson!

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>> jimmy: welcome back. the holidays are approaching fast and you know what that means? >> i have to spend time with my mother-in-law? >> jimmy: it also means bailey's red irish cream is back. right now grab a bottle of bailey's red velvet for a limited time through december. tonight we're going to learn how to make cupcakes with bailey's red velvet from bailey's katherine berman. >> preheat the oven to 350

fahrenheit. add 1 1/2 sticks of unsalted butter. add 1 3/4 cups of granulated sugar. mix. crack two large eggs. >> jimmy: thesere medium eggs, is that okay? >> take 2 1/2 tablespoons of cocoa powder. >> jimmy: all right. >> take 4 tablespoons of red food coloring. in the pitcher, add 1 teaspoon of vanilla. >> jimmy: and vanilla. >> take your whisk, give it a nice little whisk. >> jimmy: i don't know how -- wait, we put it in the wrong thing, all right. >> add this into your batter. we are now going to sift 3 1/4 cups of flour. if you don't have a sifter, use a whisk. >> jimmy: my whisk is dirty. >> wait, you need to add 1 teaspoon of salt into the flour.

>> jimmy: oh. >> guillermo: right here. oh, we forgot that. right here. >> add the flour, a third of flour, a third of --. >> jimmy: way ahead of you on that. >> we're going to measure one-quarter cup of bailey's red velvet and pour it in. take an ice cream scoop and scoop your batter into your tray. this makes sure every one comes out the same size. >> jimmy: this is ice cream? >> it's like ice cream but it's got raw eggs so don't eat this until it's baked. >> jimmy: what did you say? >> once you have them all in your tray like this, they're going to go into the oven at 350 for 15 to 18 minutes. >> jimmy: let's take them out of the oven. and they look like -- oh, they're hot, oh my god! [ laughter ] no, they're not hot. they're not even real. >> this is a bailey's red velvet cream cheese frosting. we added one-quarter cup of

bailey's into the frosting as well. >> jimmy: it's very good. >> you're going to start in the center of the cupcake. go around in a circle. you're going to come back down in the center. >> jimmy: what did you just make a big blob? >> for the final piece, these red velvet fondant pieces and top each cupcake. >> jimmy: wow, they look amazing. can we eat them now? >> yes, you can. >> jimmy: mm, you can really taste the hummus. >> guillermo: wow, these are delicious. >> jimmy: thank you, katherine, cheers! [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: to order your nonalcoholic bailey's red velvet cupcakes, head to georgetowncupcake.com and treat yourself or gift your loved ones this holiday season. ♪

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. music from devon gilfillian is on the way. our next guest graduated within 50 yards of this theater at hollywood high school. grew up to become a successful actress, producer, singer.

her new singles "everybody cries" and "i want to kiss bob dylan" are out now. please welcome rita wilson! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. rita, can i be honest with you? i feel like you're the only person i don't have to worry about. >> i know. >> jimmy: because you must be brimming with antibodies right now. >> i still have antibodies. and i get tested every couple of months because we're part of a program at ucla and they test us. so far we still have them. they diminish as you get farther away from your infection. >> jimmy: right. >> but they're still there helping us out. >> jimmy: that's great. you know, i have to say -- first of all, is it weird for you to come here when you graduated high school right there? >> no, what's weird, i went to hollywood high, as you know, right there, literally in the alley. and the weird thing was that our team was called the sheikhs. which was also the name of the condoms. >> jimmy: mine was the trojans in junior high school.

[ laughter ] can i tell you something? my junior high school, they're like, oh, no we've got to change this. they changes it to the titans. which unbeknownst to them is also a condom. [ laughter ] >> wait, that is so weird. because there's a school, i think fairfax high school, and their mascot is the magnums. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the magnums, right. and in -- i think guillermo in northridge, they're just called the rubbers. [ laughter and applause ] so you have made -- you have two singles out now. >> yes. >> jimmy: one coming out on friday, correct? >> right. >> jimmy: what's the one coming out on friday? >> the one coming out on friday is "pray for peace." >> jimmy: do you think that's going to work? >> i'm going to pray for it. we're going to pray for it. well, sounds good. >> jimmy: "pray for peace." we have no other choice. >> i know, exactly, that's what it comes down to. >> jimmy: "i want to kiss bob dylan," you're one of the few who could do that, you have the antibodies. [ laughter ] do you really want to kiss bob dylan? it looks like he hasn't ever

brushed his teeth. >> no! listen, here's the thing. first of all, you know that can't be true. bob dylan has had a lot of ladies in his life. >> jimmy: i'm sure he has. >> here's the thing, it's like a metaphorical kissing of bob dylan. >> jimmy: i see. >> like it's the essence -- as i was listening to "time out of mind," that album, i was struck by how vulnerable he was. he must have just gone through a bad breakup or something. and i started getting into the music thinking, oh my god, look, he's so romantic. he's standing under a doorway, he's singing to this woman, he wants her to come back. i want to kiss bob dylan, that guy who's like writing the songs. because we all know people are not the way they really are in real life. >> jimmy: no, they're not. >> one time i did meet him. >> jimmy: you did? >> yes, and i shook his hand. but he did this funny handshake. like where he didn't -- like his hand didn't do anything. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it was just there. so i thought, maybe he's doing that because he doesn't want

anybody to squeeze his hand. but i was like -- no, because if somebody squeezed his hand they'd still squeeze his hand. but it was just sitting there. have you ever had those handshakes? >> jimmy: i have had those. and i would have guessed that that is how bob dylan shakes hands. and i understand now why you would want to just kiss him instead. [ laughter ] because there's little more disturbing than getting that handshake, that nothing, fish handshake. in addition to singing, which i know is something that you love to do. >> yes. >> jimmy: which do you consider your side job? acting, singing? >> they're so different. they're both like my main jobs. because i work two jobs, put it that way. >> jimmy: on top of it, you actually made the cover art yourself. >> yes. >> jimmy: we have it right here. there's bob dylan. >> yes. >> jimmy: you painted this. what paints did you use, watercolor? >> i used watercolor. bob dylan, this is also homage to bob dylan. it almost sounds like i'm a stalker of bob dylan. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: maybe you are.

maybe you don't realize you are. >> i don't even know bob dylan even knows about the song. >> jimmy: oh. >> it's like, would he know about the song? i don't know. does bob dylan know about stuff like this? >> jimmy: does bob dylan know about stuff? that's the thing. >> does he know, oh, people are writing songs about me, some lady wants to kiss me? i don't know. >> jimmy: it's probably not the first time it happened. but it's probably the first time a big star wrote a song like this. oh, you tagged him? >> like maybe a thousand times. [ laughter ] i mean, it wasn't so bad. >> jimmy: your instagram account. you put some good stuff on there. we have a commercial that you put on, let's run that down. >> planning a big outdoor party that becomes a big indoor party. ♪ nervous is why you need soft and dri. >> nothing keeps you drier when you're nervous. [ applause ] >> jimmy: boy, i remember that jingle for sure. i don't know if i remember that particular commercial. do you remember that day? >> i do remember that day.

because it was supposed to be a pool party. and we were supposed to be wearing bathing suits. then they made me put that little shirt on over it. because maybe it was just a little -- >> jimmy: too sexy for television? >> maybe a little too sexy. >> jimmy: do you remember how much you got paid for that commercial? >> it was -- i don't remember how much i got paid. probably actor's scale. but it was a national commercial, so you make a ton of residuals on that stuff. that's great because you sit at home and checks come in, in the olden days, i don't think it works that way anymore. >> jimmy: did they give you free deodorant? >> no. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> wow. >> jimmy: they mismanaged the company. >> yeah. >> jimmy: is soft and dri around anymore? >> i think it's failed. >> jimmy: i think we figured out why. >> bad business practices. >> jimmy: it's good to see you. the singles are called "everybody cries" and "i want to kiss bob dylan." and "pray for peace" on friday. rita wilson. we'll be right back with devon gilfillian!

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz, the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to john mulaney and rita wilson, apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next, but first, his album is called "black hole rainbow" with the song "the good life" -- devon gilfillian! ♪ ♪ ♪ happened to me yesterday trouble was so far away making castles in the sand ♪ ♪ everyone a different shade but everybody was the same when the lion kissed the lamb ♪

♪ so it seems in my dreams may it be ♪ ♪ i'm talking 'bout that good life i can see ♪ ♪ all the colors show us what it really means to be beautiful ♪ ♪ remember when the violence stopped all the doors were left unlocked ♪ ♪ and the stranger was your brother ♪ ♪ remember when the bank got sold and everybody took their gold ♪ ♪ and everybody helped each other ♪

♪ so it seems in my dreams may it be ♪ ♪ i'm talking 'bout that good life i can see ♪ ♪ all the colors show us what it really means to be beautiful ♪ ♪ i'm talking 'bout that good life when we all have peace ♪ ♪ we don't shut our doors and tell them all to leave 'cause they're beautiful ♪ ♪ come on we gotta act a love

attack take your mind back in time rewind to eden ♪ ♪ where we can find peace lord if we're just believing ♪ ♪ i'm talking 'bout that good life i can see ♪ ♪ all the colors show us what it really means to be beautiful ♪ ♪ i'm talking 'bout that good life when we all have peace ♪ ♪ we don't shut our doors and tell them all to leave 'cause they're beautiful ♪

tonight, master manipulator. >> i have many flaws. wanting to hurt people is not one of them. >> committing depraved crimes. >> they're in the mojave desert. they're dragged out of this van. >> i kept saying, i don't have a million dollars. >> the suspect on the run overseas. the one person who could tempt him out of hiding, his wife, risking her own wife to bring him down. >> anything could set him off, ask he's highly suspicious. >> the final courtroom showdown. >> i have no words. i don't know what to say. >> would the jury believe him? up at 2:00am again? tonight, try pure zzzs all night.