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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  December 22, 2020 11:35pm-12:38am PST

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right. we appreciate your time. right now jimmy from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, miley cyrus and tony romo. and now, jimmy kimmel! o owe. >> jimmy: hi, everyone. it's already too much, thanks. i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us. i hope you are healthy. i hope you had a good weekend. we are coming to you from hollywood, where a stay at home order is in effect. as of midnight last night, every parent in l.a. has been sentenced to three more weeks of "paw patrol." [ laughter ] maybe they can save us! no one is safe from the clutches of covid. not even the architect of the donald trump legal team! we learned yesterday via presidential tweet that rudy giuliani has tested positive for the virus. how could this happen? he was being so careful! [ laughter ]
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rudy, we may look back and see he gave his life to overturn the results of this election. [ laughter ] this tells you all you need to know about what the president cares about. @rudy giuliani, by far the greatest mayor in the history of nyc, and who has been working tirelessly exposing the most corrupt election -- by far! -- in the history of the usa, has tested positive for the china virus. get better soon rudy, we will carry on!!! by the way, this is what he said when his son got it. "my son donald is doing very well, thank you." [ laughter ] sadly, this covid test is the only positive thing to come out of rudy giuliani in four years. rudy is in the hospital but claims he is feeling good, recovering quickly, and feasting on the blood of newborn babies in the maternity ward. [ laughter ] they had to shut down the arizona state legislature because rudy spent two days there chatting it up maskless with lawmakers. these geniuses even posed for a
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picture with him. he's gone from america's mayor to "america's sprayer." [ laughter ] you know, if someone made this story up, we'd say it was too much. extreme. but this man has put up some incredible statistics over the past six weeks. october 23rd we see him on camera playing pocket pool with borat's daughter. [ laughter ] november 7th he holds a press conference in an alley outside a landscaping business, across from a dildo shop. [ laughter ] november 19th motor oil leaks out of his head. [ laughter ] december 2nd he farts loudly during a pretend election hearing in michigan. >> they didn't bother to interview a -- single witness. >> jimmy: and here we are now on december 7th. and count flatula has the coronavirus. [ laughter and applause ] have we ever seen a streak like this? i mean, this puts dimaggio's 56-game hitting streak to shame. many of the people who came in contact with mr. giuliani are now forced to quarantine, including the woman who dyes his sideburns with hershey syrup. and, of course, i know you will
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join me in wishing rudy a full and speedy retirement. it will be interesting to see how this plays out. assuming rudy is getting the invite-only regeneron treatment the president got, he could come out of this bigger than ever. in fact, there's talk that cbs is in talks to make him tv's hottest new cantankerous defense attorney. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. the only difference -- the big difference is matlock won his cases, always. [ laughter ] looks like rudy's going to be spending the time doing the other kind of lying, the down
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kind. [ laughter ] there was so much attention about that dizzy blond lady at the hearing in michigan, she got the full treatment on "saturday night live" this weekend, we may have overlooked a star of a different time. her name is dana smith. she was also at a rudy hearing, this one in georgia, and this woman -- i don't know much about her other than the fact that she really knows how to spin a yarn. >> our rec center had been a barn that was converted into a rec center. it was a big building, freezing cold when we got in there. an hvac guy came in and said someone had shut off the natural gas to the building. georgia law requires that that electronic equipment be kept in a climate-controlled environment, which having it in a freezing-cold building all night long in my view, does not constitute a climate-controlled environment. the georgia mountains can be pretty chilly. so you probably ought to look into that. >> jimmy: yeah. as the late johnnie cochran once
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said, "if the machines are chilly, the votes don't count, silly." [ laughter ] this person was one of the witnesses claiming shenanigans were afoot. and she had a lot of very interesting things to say. >> there was a poll watcher walking around with special ballot paper taking coffee orders on it, writing down coffee orders on this special ballot paper that prints the ballots. those precious ballots, she was taking a coffee order on it. >> jimmy: well, that's it! election overturned! [ laughter ] i mean, give it four more years. even rudy started to squirm as this woman was going on and on and on. watch the guy on the left trying politely to give her the signal to wrap it up. >> just sat there watching the ballots. i was not going to let those out of my sight. me and laurie, there was a gal named gloria, there was an elderly guy that i think had copd, because i brought him his oxygen. i flagged down the supervisor again and said, hey, is somebody bringing the tab locks and she said --
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>> ms. smith, can you please wrap it up? >> yep, so she said we don't need them. >> jimmy: hey, that's my time, you guys have been great. thanks a lot! [ applause ] what? there's more? >> isn't it true that president trump won that county? >> i don't give a rip who won. what matters to me is that the people's vote is more protected than their urine. the process is flawed when your urine is more protected than your vote. >> jimmy: and on that note, let's take a bathroom break. [ laughter ] she's terrific. i wonder if she has a podcast? but this is what trump is clinging to, testimony from crazy people droning on and on and some well-placed bullying. this weekend, trump called the governor of georgia, brian kemp, and reportedly asked him to order a special session of the state legislature to overturn the results of the election. that had been certified already. kemp, who has been a bigly supporter of the president said, "i'm sorry, but i don't have the legal authority to do that." and so, of course, trump lashed
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out viciously at him. he even went to georgia to do it. lash out viciously at him. i love the fact that this dummy brian kemp -- for years, bowed to, got down on his knees, surrendered whatever wisps of integrity supporters thought he had to this reality show buffoon. now his reward is trump travels to his state to call him a stupid, worthless criminal who should be removed from office. that's what we call loyally donald trump style. governor kemp did not attend trump's rally on saturday. trump visited the state, purportedly to promote the two republican candidates for senate in their runoff election. but that turned into a presidential pity party almost right away. >> they want you to be quiet. they want you to go away, but we don't go away. we don't go away. we will never surrender, we will only win. we always win, somehow, we find a way to win. because we are all victims. everybody here. all these thousands of people here tonight, they are all
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victims, every one of you. >> jimmy: that's right. every one of you not wearing a mask is a victim. [ laughter ] what an inspiring message on pearl harbor day from our commander-in-chief. trump had a lot to say this weekend in georgia. so we slowed him down to half speed for one of what will probably be few remaining editions of "drunk donald trump." [ tape playing slowly ] >> cucumbers, who, who does cucumbers around here? because i like cucumbers, can you -- i'm the only one. i like cucumbers. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he likes cucumbers. the state of georgia recertified their results today and guess what? joe biden won again. [ cheers and applause ] trump has yet to concede. he will never concede. this is day 34 of squattergate. today he awarded the medal of freedom, which is a great honor, to the wrestling champion, dan
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gable. you're not going to believe this. somehow he managed to make that about him too. >> he won 117 consecutive matches, and lost only one. well, you know, in politics, i won two, so i'm 2-0. and that's pretty good too. but we will see how that turns out. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's going to be the only president to award himself the presidential medal of freedom. [ laughter ] milking this for every drop. there are reports that he's even planning a big tv send-off for himself. one scenario they say is being discussed is january 20th, trump would fly to florida on air force one to have a rally at the exact same time as biden's inauguration speech. i wonder if he realizes that, as of january 20th, he doesn't get to ride on air force one? it's not his plane. the minute joe biden puts his hand on that bible, i hope they hand him a parachute and open the door of the plane. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
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everyone in the trumperverse is making a run for it. there are reports that attorney general bill barr might quit before the end of the year. barr says he wants to spend more time organizing his drawer of armpit-stained undershirts. [ laughter ] one guy who isn't going, thank goodness, is dr. anthony fauci. [ laughter ] fauci said he has been contacted by the new administration to stay on. and he would like to stay on as covid continues to hit new highs in the country. they're saying we could be in for a frightening christmas this year. a lot of hospitals are on the verge of being overwhelmed. and when families gather in doors, bad things happen. in addition to new warnings, the national institute of health is turning to private industry to try to keep safety top of mind this season. >> elf on a shelf keeps kids on their best behavior during the holidays. in 2020 there's a whole new set of guidelines. introducing fauci on a couchi, keeping covid in check.
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>> excuse me, don't go about outside without your mask. >> nothing escapes dr. fauci's watchful eye. >> hey! sneeze into your elbow, we don't want flying droplets. >> you never know where he will pop up next. >> you only washed your hands for 14 seconds. sing the happy birthday song twice. ♪ happy birthday to you sing it with me! ♪ happy birthday to you cha cha cha! ♪ happy birthday to you >> each one handcrafted and actual size. and once everyone is snug in bed, fauci on a couchi dispenses anti-bacterial mist to sanitize the entire house. don't let fauci catch you spreading misinformation. >> my daddy said the virus is a hoax perpetrated by the deep state. >> whoa! >> and the virus has tiny microchips -- >> cdc you later!
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>> keep your kids covid safe with fauci on couchi. from the makers of pence on a fence, huck ka 0 beon a tree, kellyanne in a gar ban can, and the soon to be discontinued trump on a stump. fauci on a couchi, available at costco. >> avoid costco at all costs. stay home! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a great show for you tonight. tony romo is with us, and we'll be right back with miley cyrus.
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>> jimmy: welcome back. tonight, dallas cowboys legend and football analyst extraordinaire, the one and uno tony romo is with us. [ cheers and applause ] all this week, we've got new shows with emily blunt,
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keegan-michael key, stacey abrams, isla fisher, kyle chandler, and tim allen. with music from ari lennox, ingrid andress, and sturgill simpson. please join us for all of that. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight is a grammy-nominated artist with music and mullets in her dna. this is her new album, "plastic hearts." please say hello to miley cyrus. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello, mylie cyrus. >> hi, how are you? >> jimmy: i'm good. >> good to see you. >> jimmy: good to see you, i wish you could be here in person. but we have this virus to deal with. is that technically a mullet, your hairstyle? >> yes, you know, it's actually all of us have had to adjust, you know, a lot of things shutting down and keeping us from doing our standard routines which one of them was going to get a haircut for me. and so my mom offered, my bangs, my bangs were getting long and she said, i can cut your hair but i only know how to do one hairstyle, and i've been doing
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this since 1992 for your dad and your brothers. all my mom can do is a mullet. so i had one option, and i needed it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. we've learned the origin of the famous cyrus family mullet. was your dad flattered that you got a haircut somewhat similar to his? >> i think it is something genetically where it grows naturally shorter up top and longer in the back. that's just kind of a natural shape that our hair grows in. >> jimmy: so in a way, you were born to have a mullet? interesting. >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: are you in l.a. right now? >> i am, i thought you were coming to me from your studio, so i'm joining you from mine. this is my music studio. >> jimmy: i like it. have you seen your dad since it has been going on? >> i have not and my dad actually had a birthday kind of in the beginning of this pandemic. this is the longest i have gone without seeing my dad. my dad went a year without eating pizza and he just, you know -- i think keeping, you
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know, purpose in this pandemic has been important to all of us. my dad thought he would try something he has never done, going a year without pizza and for his birthday, i made him one that was completely ridiculous. everything else i do. i try to keep it ridiculous. and i never actually got to deliver him his pizza. so now i'm stuck with it. >> jimmy: oh, and let's have a look at the pizza. it looks like a pretty good pizza. it's not really a pizza, is it? >> so my dad was a bit disappointed, but he said it was just a reflection on life because i got him a pizza after a year of not having one. but it was not real because my priorities was, being able to keep it, and you know, it could be more of like something he could remember me by every time he walked by an oversized, ridiculous, fake pizza. so he could be disappointed and he probably was in my many years of the evolution of me. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: so for his birthday, you decided to torture him.
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this is a man who likes pizza, yes? >> yes. >> jimmy: and decided to cut it out for a while? >> that's been our dad/daughter dynamic was to see how much i could disappoint my father. last time i was on your show, i wore no clothes. >> jimmy: right. >> so that did it. [ laughter ] the pizza is going up in the game, it's a good thing. >> jimmy: yeah, my dad would be more disappointed if i were to wear no clothes than the fake pizza. but every family has their quirks. >> since i saw you last time, i bought my first sweater. i thought i'd wear to it show you how much i've grown. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: is that true? you'd never purchased a sweater before? >> i think no, my parents used to buy me sweaters and when i was a kid, i used to strip down naked in public places and they thought i would outgrow it and i obviously didn't. [ laughter ] my parents would buy me sweaters and pants and everything you would buy for a child. somehow my favorite place to strip down was church. [ laughter ]
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>> jimmy: well, you may as well do it in front of the lord. [ laughter ] >> yeah, exactly. if i'm going to get forgiven, i'll do it in the place and keep it there, keeps it pretty convenient. >> jimmy: i'm sure you know about this. when joe biden won the election -- you do agree joe biden won the election? yes? >> yes. i live on earth, yes, i do. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: when joe biden won the election, your song "party in the usa" is 10 or 11 years old, became so popular, people started spontaneously playing it, it hit, it charted again. it kind of came back on its own. >> one thing that's become pretty amazing about "party in the usa," it's become a song that represents victory. it's played at, when teams win baseball and all different sports, it ends up charting. this was a whole taking that, you know, that meaning and purpose. when you write a song or create a son like "party in the usa,"
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you never know what it will become what it will represent 10 years later. it was an honor that in some small way i could play a part in the celebration that took place after joe biden and kamala won this election. very proud to be a part of it. >> jimmy: have you been asked to perform at the inauguration? >> i haven't yet. but i have now, i had two versions of "party in the usa," actually, on deck. i had two versions ready. one that was melancholy, that was owl a violin, reflective of one direction we could have gone. laugh so i have the other that is optimistic and i would love to do that. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i like that thinking. you are covering all the bases we sent over early, a holiday present for you. i know this is a genuine surprise. i hope somebody has it there. they will give you a package right now. i would like if you would not mind to open the package and -- >> thank you. >> jimmy: to see what is inside. hopefully it's --
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>> my dog is so talented, my dog just brought this to me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, that's what it is. there's another dog in there. so -- okay. here we go. >> i need like a knife, but usually they don't let me have. >> jimmy: ask the dog for a knife? >> can i have a knife! hold on, i need a knife. >> jimmy: we didn't think it through as well as we probably should have. >> you know? >> jimmy: but -- >> all right, here we go. i will do it with my nails. i could do it with my teeth but they were expensive and i don't want to ruin them. >> jimmy: don't do it with your teeth, i don't want to be responsible for a toothless miley cyrus. >> this is the way we roll at my house in quarantine. i'm getting a knife. >> jimmy: we're almost there. miley cyrus opening a package. never before seen on television. >> i know, right? you can't cut this down either in the edit. >> jimmy: no, there will be no editing this. >> okay, we are almost there. >> jimmy: you have the only edit. >> i have to use the foot, what
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the hell the did they think? >> jimmy: i don't know. >> okay, hold on. almost there. >> jimmy: i don't know. but believe me there will be conversations post show. yeah, that is, wow. >> okay, hold on. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. miley -- >> this is not going. >> jimmy: okay, now we've -- >> i'm like a child. >> jimmy: potentially damaged the item. >> sorry, i'm sorry. >> jimmy: that's all right. >> okay. >> jimmy: this may be the dumbest thing we ever did here. >> i wouldn't disagree. okay, hold on. >> jimmy: i'm again, very sorry, miley. >> i see what it is. >> jimmy: do you know what it is? >> you did not think through it at all. >> jimmy: yes, we did not think it through. >> i can get it. >> jimmy: this item that should never come out of that box -- >> okay, it's going to be hung in the box to remember this. >> jimmy: is a platinum record, not a platinum record, a diamond record indicating that "party in
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the usa" has reached diamond status, which means ten times platinum. [ cheers and applause ] >> well, thank you. now i am going to hang this in my home. but i'm leaving it in the [ bleep ] box. >> jimmy: all right. anyway, congratulations, we will be right back with miley cyrus! ♪ and never brought to mind ♪ should auld acquaintance be forgot ♪ ♪ and auld lang syne ♪ we'll take a cup of kindness yet ♪ ♪ for auld lang syne next customer please. ♪ ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. tony romo is on the way. there's miley cyrus with her diamond certified record. >> i got it and it's wrapped in plastic, it's perfect. it goes well with the new record. thank you. >> jimmy: you are welcome, you are welcome. most people know a little something about miley cyrus, is it possible that there's someone out there, a superfan, who knows more about miley than miley herself? and we are to find out as we play "who knows miley?" [ cheers and applause ] >> i would like you to meet your competition, he is a young man, he is 20 years old. he is a superfan, we have a
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photo of his childhood bedroom, in which you can see you are featured prominently. [ laughter ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: he has been to many of your concerts. he had a miley-themed birthday party. i'm told he recently started using ketchup on his food because he learned you like ketchup. that's right, let's meet your obsessed opponent, paul feeno! hi, paul. >> hi, how are you? >> jimmy: say hello to miley. >> hi, high lrks i how are you? >> i hope you haven't lived your life doing everything that i do. it's very controversial, some of those activities. [ laughter ] >> it could definitely get me in a bit of trouble. but it's totally worth it. >> jimmy: paul, does your mom cut your hair? >> no. >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> my mom can cut yours. >> oh my god, please, would she? >> it would look sickening on you. >> jimmy: paul, i want to show a photo, this is paul's first convert as a young boy. you were headed to see miley where?
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>> hannah montana best of both worlds tour. it was the moment. it honestly was the moment. >> jimmy: all right, well listen, this is the moment. this is where it all happens. this game is very simple. i will ask a series of questions about miley cyrus, if you know the answer to the questions, i was thinking you'd hold up a shoe, but miley, you don't have any shoes. >> oh. >> jimmy: okay, good, great. >> i got it. >> jimmy: all right. >> they say "miley." >> jimmy: wow. >> we love! >> i play games, but i don't play games, you know? >> hey! >> jimmy: whoever raises the shoe first, i will call on. a correct answer is worth 10 points. if you're wrong, your opponent gets a chance to steal. here we go. are you ready? >> i will not know any of this, i've smoked a lot of weed, but let's play. >> jimmy: what is tattooed on
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miley's right ribcage? >> it is a dream -- >> got it! it's a dream catcher. >> jimmy: you've got to raise your shoe, paul, you've got to raise your shoe, for god's sake. do you have a shoe? >> i'm sorry. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. how many tattoo does miley currently have? paul? >> 27. >> jimmy: oh. [ buzzer ] go up. miley? >> i have no idea. >> jimmy: how do we know this and you don't? [ laughter ] >> because you probable are much more coherent when i get the tattoo. >> jimmy: the answer is 74. >> huh? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: on "hannah montana," which snack did oliver and jackson accidentally invent, paul? >> cheese beef jerky. >> jimmy: that's right, paul, congratulations. you are tied. [ cheers and applause ] we have a tie game. >> so good. >> jimmy: what is the name of the song parody that weird al did of a miley song?
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>> we don't know weird al trivia, this is all about me. >> jimmy: weird al yankovic, one of your songs, neither of you know it? i knew this one. >> no, no. >> jimmy: guillermo, do you know the answer? >> guillermo: no. >> jimmy: "party in the cia." not one of his better parodies, but -- >> we don't know stern trivia. >> jimmy: name three of miley's dogs. >> mary jane, emu and gene. >> jimmy: that is correct. paul, can you name the others? >> yes, tammy, happy, dora -- >> jimmy: is there a tammy? >> little dog. >> it's tawney. >> jimmy: oh, my god, paul, what are you doing? you're choking here. >> it's the nerves, i'm sorry. >> jimmy: okay, all right. what was miley wearing in her first instagram post? >> what? >> jimmy: paul. >> nothing. >> yeah. >> jimmy: incorrect.
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[ buzzer ] you were wearing a gold one-piece swimsuit. >> oh! >> and that's the look. >> jimmy: name three miley cyrus albums to reach 100 on the billboard 100. paul? >> hannah montana and bangers and the new album, plastic hearts? >> jimmy: no, it's not right, paul. [ buzzer ] >> what do you mean? it is number one. it's number one on the rock chart. >> jimmy: meet miley cyrus, break-out and bangers were the answers. [ laughter ] you know what i'm going to do? i'm going to award the prizes to myself for the game. yeah, that's all the time we have -- >> did you get a present that you can't open because it's so securely packaged that you can't even get into the content? >> jimmy: yes, miley, what will you send paul? why not give him the box that that that thing came in. >> paul, i was going to give you
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this razor that i just shaved with that still has the hair in it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. what a treasure. >> my hairbrush. >> jimmy: send it all. >> and this knife. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. wow. [ cheers and applause ] all right, what a beautiful gift. miley has a great performance for us later on, i thank you paul, thank you miley. we'll see you in a little bit. we'll be right back -- >> thank you! >> thank you! >> jimmy: -- with tony romo, so stick around!been... so let's give this holiday all the merry we've got! there's a place you can go where inspiration lines the shelves. for giving gifts so thoughtful, you'll outdo the elves. you see here each present is especially nice. so they'll love what you got them, and you'll love the price. if you want a christmas you'll always remember, this is the place to spend less, and gift better. t.j. maxx, marshalls, and homegoods.
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>> dicky: this week on "jimmy kimmel live" -- so, what sho♪ d we do today? wow. can we get some sun? ♪ uh, mom? can we go to the beach? (beep beep beep) should we just go see a movie? yes! i'm always up for a good movie. go rogue in the all-new, fiercely reimagined nissan rogue. plus have high blood pressure. they may not be able to take just anything for pain. that's why doctors recommend tylenol®. it won't raise blood pressure the way that advil® aleve or motrin® sometimes can.
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>> jimmy: welcome back. music from miley cyrus is on the way. our next guest went from undrafted quarterback from a small college to longtime all-pro for the dallas cowboys, and now, the most celebrated football analyst in tv history. he's probably psychic, too. from "the nfl on cbs," please welcome, tony romo. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, tony. how are you? >> doing good, jimmy. thanks for that audience. that was really a nice gesture. >> jimmy: yeah, we have like a tenth of the audience here, by the way, last time you were on the show, we were in austin, we had thousands of people in the audience. it was 2015. do you remember what happened after the show that night? >> i do remember, actually.
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you decided to go ahead and sign every autograph for everybody, and i had to leave because you just didn't want to say goodbye to me. [ laughter ] but it didn't matter. >> jimmy: no, that is not what happened. >> i'm sorry, i'm sorry. that's wrong. >> jimmy: we went to willie nelson's house after that show. we drove an hour and a half to willie nelson's house and when we got there, willie was sound asleep. [ laughter ] >> he is not exaggerating. what actually happened too, is he goes, hey, let's go to willie nelson's, we will have a great night. we're in austin, this is what you got to do here, it's a big-time deal, this is fun, it's going to be fantastic. i'm like, great, let's drive around the corner and go to willie's house. we get in the car and it's like, okay, it's 97 minutes away. [ laughter ] and i'm like, okay, this should be a great time. but at that point, it going to be midnight, should we continue to go? or just have a drink next door? and jimmy, you know, as good a friend as you are with willie you decided we should go and it was an interesting night. >> jimmy: not only that, we were in the last row of a chevy suburban, the one where you
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maybe put two kids. we were jammed in there and when we got there, nobody was awake. they said -- we said, well, willie invited us. so they went and woke willie up and willie came out. [ laughter ] his braids were all [ bleep ]ed up. [ laughter ] and it was, it was -- yeah. well, anyway. >> by the way, by the way. we actually went there, you have to remember, it wasn't just, hey, let's hang out with willie. there was a good shindig going on, something going on, it's going to be a fun party, get-together for friends and family, a bunch of fun people, you're going to have a great time. i'm like, wow, jimmy is inviting me. this is cool and special and i get to see willie nelson. i'm so excited. guess what, we go 97 minutes. willie went to sleep. no one's here. the party ended two hours ago. do you guys want to hang out? i'm like, well, we drove 97 minutes, maybe we should at least hang out for five minutes.
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allowed to come through the gate? because that was questionable too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and then we were right back on the road again. 97 more minutes home. but, boy, wow, that seems like, i know it was only five years ago, it seems like 30 years ago. you were playing for the cowboys and now you have become a big time broadcaster and i really, i want to say this, and i am not just tooting my own horn here. i feel like my cousin sal and i are partly responsible for your success. i do. [ laughter ] >> i actually have to agree with you. >> jimmy: thank you. >> you guys are actually -- [ cheers and applause ] once i saw you guys and your life, i said, i don't want to be that, i've got to do something better, and that was key, i decided to make a change. i think you guys really helped me. >> jimmy: before you signed to for cbs, and correct me if i have any of his wrong. we came to your house, came to dallas for your retirement party. and it was the daytime. we showed up way early for the party. we are either late or early. no in between. [ laughter ] we showed up way early for the party and you and sal were talking and sal said, you know what would be a good way to
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practice is to play madden and all the elements are there. we could play madden and you could do the color commentary during the video game. and you said, that's a great idea, sal. so the two of you sat down and started playing madden. and i think you practiced for about three minutes. and then you just started playing madden the whole time. and then we watched you play madden for like four hours. [ laughter ] and a teenager was taunting you, as i recall. right? >> well, you know, it's online. there's a lot of competition involved. so i wish i could have been really more receptive to you and sal being next to me. you know, all of your stuff about what am i going to say tomorrow for funny stuff. and i'm like, there's nothing you can say that is funny because you're not funny. but you were writing, and all of a sudden sal is like, tony what are you doing here? there's a kid who's the top 100 in the world, we've got to play him on madden here. this is a big game. >> jimmy: you were not playing yourself either. i thought it was interesting that you picked ben
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roethlisberger as your player. then this kid was taunting you, not having any idea that he was playing the real tony romo. [ laughter ] >> well, i'm not prejudiced at all to who i play with or who i play against. at the end of the day it's about winning, jimmy. [ laughter ] that's what it's all about. i decided, i'm going to try and win. i've got to get rid of tony romo in this game that i'm playing with him. >> jimmy: and you got big ben in there. but you were -- i have to say, i was amazed at how well and quickly, i guess it's dumb, but how quick will you you read all the defenses playing madden. and it made me realize that madden is really like, i mean, that's a, that's like a real game. right? >> it's a real game. i will say this. they've actually done a better job -- in the last five years they've really evolved it to where you could almost teach your high school kids by playing madden. i know that sounds crazy. our kids get video game time cut off at certain times.
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it ultimately teaches you. cover three, these are the concepts to beat cover two. cover three, man to man. the game does a really good job at that. that is what taught sal about football. he didn't know anything. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's right, that's how cousin sal learned about football. another one of your gifts and i think it's a hidden talent and i'm hoping that you can share this with the world. it's you do impressions and now, a lot on people do impressions, but these are not the typical voice impressions, you do impressions of other quarterbacks. >> no, i don't. >> jimmy: oh! now, i seem to recall being in a restaurant with you at which time you did the stances of various quarterbacks. you know what i'm talking about? >> never, don't remember that at all. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that doesn't ring a bell to you, interesting. >> that's the first i've heard this. >> jimmy: did you forget it at willie's house? [ laughter ] >> that was the night i forgot a lot of stuff. i will admit, though -- you are asking me to do
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something. >> jimmy: do one. >> i'll go ahead and make it okay -- >> jimmy: do tom brady. because these are fantastic. do a little tom brady. let's see -- >> i don't know, who do you want? >> jimmy: tom brady. tom brady. >> i don't know. all right, we will see, this is the best i got, i'm telling you, this is silly. i'll try. >> jimmy: we'll be the judge of that. we'll be the judge of that. here we go. >> he gets a snap. >> jimmy: okay. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: that's good. come on, that's good. >> all right. now peyton manning, ready? >> jimmy: do peyton, yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is great. >> all right, brett favre, brett favre, let's go back in time. >> jimmy: you are on a roll.
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>> jimmy: wow. [ applause ] you know what? i think you have a show. i think you could be in vegas in the offseason doing this stuff. think about it, tony. >> i could be and then my wife would go ahead and say, go ahead and stay there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: tony, it's great to see you. i know you are doing the super bowl, do you think there will be a super bowl this year? will we have one? >> i do. i think the nfl has done a unbelievable job. the fact that they are at this point, it's really incredible. obviously they've done things right. at the end of the day, it's obviously not going to be like what you had with miley cyrus and how cool that was. >> jimmy: right, right, obviously. >> other than that, this is second. >> jimmy: can we watch you open a box for like half an hour? [ laughter ] tony romo. >> i can do it with my hands. >> jimmy: watch tony and jim
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nance on "the nfl on cbs" every sunday, and super bowl lv, february 7th. tony romo, thanks, tony. we be back with music from miley cyrus. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes ben. the best or nothing. a drink with friends can turn into two, and a prescription can be stronger than you thought. stop! there are a lot of ways to get a dui. and a lot of ways to go-- text a friend, call a cab, share a ride. whatever you choose to do, go safely, california.
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a drink with friends can turn into a few. stop! it's easy to lose track. and getting a dui is easier than you think. plan ahead, call a cab. share a ride. if you choose to drink, choose a sober way to go. go safely, california.
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>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: tonight we give thanks to tony romo. apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next, but first, her album is called "plastic hearts." with the song, "prisoner," miley cyrus! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ prisoner prisoner locked up can't get you off my mind ♪ ♪ off my mind lord knows i tried a million times ♪ ♪ million times oh woah why can't you why can't you just let me go ♪ ♪ strung out on a feeling my hands are tied your face on my ceiling ♪ ♪ i fantasize oh i can't control it i can't control it ♪ ♪ i try to replace it with city
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lights i'll never escape it ♪ ♪ i need the high oh i can't control it i can't control it ♪ ♪ you keep making it harder to stay but i still can't run away ♪ ♪ i gotta know why can't you why can't you just let me go ♪ ♪ prisoner prisoner locked up can't get you off my mind ♪ ♪ off my mind lord knows i tried a million times ♪ ♪ million times oh no why can't you why can't you just let me go ♪ ♪ prisoner prisoner locked up can't get you off my mind ♪ ♪ off my mind lord knows i tried a million times ♪ ♪ million times oh no why can't you why can't you just let me go ♪ ♪ i tasted heaven now i can't live without it i can't forget you and ♪
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♪ your love is the loudest oh i can't control it i can't control it ♪ ♪ you keep making it harder to stay i still can't run away ♪ ♪ i gotta know why can't you why can't you let me go ♪ ♪ prisoner prisoner locked up can't get you off my mind ♪ ♪ off my mind lord knows i tried a million times ♪ ♪ million times oh no why can't you why can't you just let me go ♪ ♪ prisoner prisoner locked up can't get you off my mind ♪ ♪ off my mind lord knows i tried a million times ♪ ♪ million times oh no why can't you why can't you just let me go ♪ ♪ can't get you off my mind why can't you just let me go ♪
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♪ i wanna know why can't you why can't you i gotta know why can't you ♪ ♪ i wanna know why can't you why can't you i gotta know why can't you ♪ ♪ let me go
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this is "nightline." >> tonight, a rare behind-the-scenes look at a goliath. amazon. the one-stop shop for many this season. >> we can ship up to 1 million units in a given day. >> how the pandemic transformed this e-commerce juggernaut. >> do you feel like modern-day santa? >> yes, ma'am. >> facing backlash from workplace culture to working conditions. what one of its top executives had to say. >> how would you say you've responded to that list of criticisms from employees? plus, path to healing. how a former figure skating olympic hopeful turned great pain into great art. and winning a nine-month battle with covid. the second chance for one icu nurse.

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