thanks for joining there are many things i wish for this christmas season. i wish for sex with young ukrainian women. i wish to god the dildo store next to four seasons landscaping would honor my coupon. i wish the president would pay me for my services so i could stop dyeing my hair with deck varnish. mostly, i wish the sight of a crucifix didn't make my skin burst into flames. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, emily blunt. kyle chandler. and music from sturgill simpson. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there, hi everyone, i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. thanks for -- guillermo, thank you for being on that stool.

>> guillermo: you're welcome, any time. >> jimmy: how's it going? >> guillermo: going great. >> jimmy: anything interesting happen to you this afternoon? >> guillermo: no, just having a few drinks, that's it. >> jimmy: okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you see the big news today? they announced the color of the year. and it's not trump-face tangerine. that was last year's color. pantone has announced their color of the year for 2021. this time there are two of them. drumroll please? oh, drummer's not here anymore. [ laughter ] the colors of the year are "ultimate gray" and "illuminating," also known as yellow. [ applause ] pantone says they chose this combo because it gives us resilience and hope. i don't know, all i think about when i see this is soul cycle that i've never gone into. [ laughter ] how could two colors be the color of the year? that's like saying the winner of the election is joe biden and donald trump -- they are saying that? [ laughter ] they should stop.

the covid vaccines will be available soon whether we want them or not, a lot of us, turns out, do not. according to a poll by ap, less than half of americans are planning to get the vaccine when it comes out. only 47% of americans want it. the other 53% want to stay home in sweat pants forever, i guess. to me that's nuts. i'll take that shot in my eyeball if it means i can go to dinner, i really will. [ cheers and applause ] a lot of americans are saying they want to wait and see, which is a strategy that will result in the unnecessary death of a lot of people. if the majority of us don't get it, it won't work as well. half of us are worried about putting the substance in our bodies because we don't know what's it in. yet we have no problem downing 16 ounces of something called monster energy assault. [ laughter ] yeah, i'll have a swig of that. see what happens. if you are in the half of americans who do want the vaccine, you still might not be able to get it.

we learned this week that over the summer, the trump administration passed on the chance to lock in an additional 100 million doses of the pfizer vaccine. they will now go to other countries. and we are way behind the rest of the world when it comes to stock. this is a chart of national vaccine supplies. you can see by not preordering enough vaccine, dealmaker don put america way behind canada, the uk, australia, and all 27 countries in the eu. and until we get the vaccine, we just have to be careful. which we are not. even people who are being careful aren't being careful. have you noticed this? somehow i am literally the only person anyone i know has seen in months. everyone is lying. [ laughter ] it's like when you ask your wife how many guys she had sex with, whatever the number is, triple it. [ laughter ] when someone tells you -- someone says, my sister came over, just to drop something off. that means, my sister lives with us now. [ laughter ] someone tells you, we had a cocktail with a couple in our pod outdoors, we were socially distanced in masks.

that means, eight people came over, we kept our masks on for six minutes and then all got in the hot tub. [ laughter ] i'm going to say, even i have been lying. i get tested three times a week, for whatever reason, i always tell people it's four. [ laughter ] i don't know why i do it. i don't know why, but i do. so take everything with a grain of salt. trust no one. this is what they're doing in china. the chinese aren't messing around. china is ordering cabin crews on certain flights to not use the bathroom. they're instructing them to wear diapers, for real. they're recommending they wear diapers on any flight to a high-risk area, or if you ate at sbarro's at the airport. [ laughter ] that's going to be some cabin service. yes, sir, i'll be right back with your diet coke as soon as i finish soiling myself. [ laughter ] it's not just china. in america there's a plane where a guy wears diapers. it's called air force one, maybe you've heard of it? [ laughter and applause ] day 37 of squattergate.

yellvis has not left the building, there's been no concession. our dearest leader has lost one of his most powerful weapons. youtube is taking down videos that claim the election was a fraud. [ cheers and applause ] if people want to post conspiracy theories i guess they'll have to dance them out on tiktok, i don't know. [ laughter ] of course many republicans are angry about this. senator josh hawley of missouri lambasted youtube's decision. he called it an affront on free speech, although it was hard to understand what he was saying, he was eating tide pods at the time. [ laughter ] i'm a little miffed about this, too. if i can't post low-quality videos from my basement claiming a secret cabal of lizard people run by george soros stole the election, why do we even call this a free country anymore? [ laughter ] the caps are locked and loaded this morning. the president wrote, wisdom and courage. which i think means he's about to go visit the wizard of oz. [ laughter ] trump is still president, which

means that mike pence is still vice president and has 41 more days of kissing ass. >> president donald trump deserves his day in court. the supreme court. >> jimmy: oh, that court. why does he deliver every line like he's doing a personal injury attorney commercial? [ laughter ] attorneys for donald trump are now a combined 1 for 56 in court. trump's team has so many losses, they're thinking about calling themselves the new york jets from now on. [ laughter and applause ] again, we missed the drummer. the president says his latest case, the one that may be headed to the supreme court, this is the big one. basically, texas and 17 other states that also happen to be republican led, are trying to get the supreme court to throw out the results in wisconsin, georgia, michigan, and pennsylvania, four states trump lost. they want the court to block certification in those states, which would push biden below 270

delegates and kick the election to congress, where republicans could hand it to trump. in other words, 17 red states are suing to overturn the election in other states. not even their own states. this is like if you complained about the food in a restaurant that is 900 miles away. if by some chance the case actually does make it to the highest court in the land, trump has asked senator ted cruz to argue it on his behalf. good luck. i don't think even tom cruise could win this case. [ laughter ] ted cruz can't handle the truth. [ laughter and applause ] this is a last-ditch embarrassing and genuinely despicable attempt to go -- make an end run around democracy. while i disagree with ted cruz on pretty much everything, to his credit, he was forthcoming on the subject of his future client, donald trump. >> i'm going on tell you what i really think of donald trump. this man is a pathological liar. he doesn't know the difference between truth and lies. he lies practically every word that comes out of his mouth.

and in a pattern that i think is straight out of a psychology textbook. his response is to accuse everybody else of lying. >> jimmy: oh, wait. i'm being told that was before his spine removal surgery. [ laughter ] that was 2016. that was when trump was dishonest, now donald trump is honest. for as much money as he takes from the nra you'd think ted cruz would have some idea how to stick to his guns, but he doesn't. [ laughter ] trump, of course, famously called ted cruz's wife ugly, he suggested his father had something to do with the assassination of jfk, may have even questioned the integrity held by ted himself. >> i've met people that are much tougher than ted cruz. but i've never, ever met anybody that lied like him. this guy lies so much. lying ted cruz. he walks in, bible held high, puts it down, goes over here, and he starts lying more than any human being i've ever seen in my life. lyin' ted.

lyin' ted. one of the biggest liars i've ever seen in my wife. lying, lying, lyin' ted. lyin' ted, boom. you have to spell it right. l-y-i-n apostrophe, lyin' ted. >> jimmy: yes, and he will be representing me in front of the supreme court. [ applause ] a lot of people are wondering why ted cruz would even do this. i have a theory. i think ted cruz is going to go to the supreme court and pull a full nicole kidman in "the undoing" on him. [ laughter ] if you haven't seen it yet, i will say no more. here's the real story. ted cruz still wants to be president. he hasn't given that dream up. his plan is to present himself as a scholarly friend of donald trump, and then when he runs again in 2024, trump will be in prison. if they let trump have a phone, he'll be tweeting his big orange ass off trying to get ted elected because he'll think ted cruz is going to wave his magic president wand and let him out. in 2028, trump will run against

ted cruz and call him a lying little bitch again, and we'll go through this whole -- it's tough for the trumpers to accept the results of this election. they were promised, you know -- trump said you're going to get tired of winning. and instead we're all tired of whining. [ laughter ] when the legal fight doesn't pan out like they hope it will, i know every one of trump's most die-hard supporters will be clamoring for one of these. >> i'm mike lindell, inventor of my pillow. thanks to your support it's become the greatest pillow in history. just ask the greatest pillow-loving pillow lover in history, donald j. trump. >> mike lindell of my pillow, boy, do you sell those pillows? >> what a guy. i've invented a new pillow designed to get us through the next four years. my pillow slumber sack. a bigly body-sized pillow made in my home state of minnesota. here's how it works. unzip the side seam and climb into the hollow chamber in the center.

you'll be cushioned on all sides by cool, breathable filling. every my pillow slumber sack comes infused with the powerful sedative propofol, time released to keep you ignorant for the entirety of the phony joe lying presidency. get in line to vote for the donald in 2024. >> are you [ bleep ] kidding me? >> order the my pillow slumber sack for three easy payments of $19.95. call now and get a super absorbent mega diaper absolutely free. ♪ take it from a guy who used to smoke crack ♪ ♪ and climb on into a slumber sack ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: looks comfortable. i would like to wish a happy first night of hanukkah to those celebrating tonight, guillermo. >> guillermo: thank you very much. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we have a secret with guillermo. you know what hanukkah is?

>> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: what is it? >> guillermo: jewish holiday. >> jimmy: you know what they light? >> guillermo: a candle? a -- whatever they do. i don't know how to call it. it's like this. >> jimmy: guillermo smoked a joint in the parking lot this afternoon. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] to celebrate hanukkah. >> guillermo: i did, yes. >> jimmy: will this be going on for seven more nights? >> guillermo: no, just tonight. >> jimmy: okay, all right. i thought you were supposed to be protecting me here, no? >> guillermo: no, that was on my break. >> jimmy: that was on your break, all right, it was on his break. [ laughter ] anyway. hanukkah doesn't get the attention that christmas does. none of the jewish holidays do, really. we thought it might be fun to play a game tonight to shine a menorah on them. it's time to play "jewish holiday or prescription medication?" [ cheers and applause ] that's right. let's meet our contestant. hello, there. what is your name?

>> laurie. >> jimmy: i see it on your shirt. where are you from, laurie? >> san francisco. >> jimmy: are you being safe? >> am i being safe? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i believe i am. >> jimmy: very good. are you jewish? >> i could be. >> jimmy: well -- >> sorry about the noise. i vetch a lot. i could be. >> jimmy: you vetch. >> i vetch a lot. >> jimmy: we're going to get you a "k." you can add it there. >> that's right. >> jimmy: all right. the way this game works is this. i'll read the word, you tell me if it's a jewish holiday or a prescription medication. okay? >> oh, damn. okay. >> jimmy: get it right, you win a prize. if you don't, you vetch. >> i will vetch. >> jimmy: i've been practicing these pronunciations so bear with me. tu bishvat, jewish holiday or prescription? >> i would say probably a jewish holiday. >> jimmy: that is correct, you've got one, one candle.

anakinra. >> anakinra? [ truck backfiring ] >> jimmy: oh my god, hold on a minute. >> i would say it's probably a medication. >> jimmy: it is correct, a medication. anakinra. we may have to wear masks for reasons other than covid-19. [ laughter ] invokana. >> that's a jewish holiday. >> jimmy: no, that's a drug used to treat type 2 diabetes. next one, sukkot. >> i want to say that's a medication. >> jimmy: that is a holiday. oh, no. the autumn harvest. >> wow. >> jimmy: simkat torah. >> wow. well. that sounds to me like a jewish holiday. >> jimmy: that is right, yes. [ cheers and applause ] humira. >> that's a drug. >> jimmy: that's a drug, yes. purim.

>> i want to say that's a jewish holiday. >> jimmy: that is right. [ cheers and applause ] shavout. >> huh? >> jimmy: shavuot. >> that doesn't sound like a drug. i want to say jewish holiday. >> jimmy: yes, it is. tarka. >> tarka? that sounds like a drug. >> jimmy: that is a drug, that is correct. tishabav. >> not kishkabob? >> jimmy: no. whatever that is. >> a jewish holiday? >> jimmy: oh, you got it, laurie, congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] all right, thanks, laurie. we're going to send you home with a delicious box of percocet and matzoh ball soup. enjoy! >> thank you! >> jimmy: all right. we've got a good show tonight. we've got music from sturgill simpson, kyle chandler, be right back with emily blunt

so stick around. ♪ ♪ ♪ smooth driving pays off. ♪ with allstate, the safer you drive the more you save. ♪ you never been in better hands. allstate. click or call for a quote today. ♪ buy online, pick up same day if you wish.d♪. ♪ ♪ in-store, curbside, whatever your sitch i♪. ♪ it's the safest way to gift that ever existed. ♪ buy online, pick up in store and shop up to 75% off storewide. now, at old navy and old navy.com

withthis year, he's putting hectin the extra miles.y. and saving up for something special. so nothing gets in the way of their holiday. you work hard, switching to metro isn't. this season, there's zero fees to switch. get our lowest price on unlimited. just twenty-five bucks a line for four lines. plus four free galaxy phones. metro by t-mobile. empowering hector to rule his holiday. because a sandwich so tangy and delicious, it has inspired songs, opinion pieces, even memes, is back. but you don't need to be told that. because a calendar reminder already did. this is a sandwich known to all by reputation. a sandwich you simply cannot eat before documenting.

the mcrib is back. the most important sandwich of the year. ♪ ba da ba ba ba imagine the places we'll go... ♪ together. expedia

after a night like this, crest has you covered. crest, the official toothpaste of santa. follow us @crest to celebrate the 12 days of crest smiles. plus have high blood pressure. they may not be able to take just anything for pain. that's why doctors recommend tylenol®. it won't raise blood pressure the way that advil® aleve or motrin® sometimes can. for trusted relief, trust tylenol®. ♪

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight, the always charismatic kyle chandler is with us. then later, he is great, his

album is called "cuttin' grass volume 1 the butcher shoppe sessions." from the station inn in nashville, tennessee, sturgill simpson. [ cheers and applause ] if you want to join sturgill and crown royal to help america's favorite bars, clubs, and stages, go to mainstreetalliance.org. next week, we've got new shows with viola davis, kawhi leonard, carey mulligan, daveed diggs, christian serratos, alanis morrisette with music from sabrina claudio, lewis capaldi, and the bird & the bee featuring dave grohl. and on monday, taylor swift. [ cheers and applause ] please join us for that. our first guest tonight you know as a girl in a quiet mary poppins place on the train who wears prada. [ laughter ] next you can see her alongside jamie dornan and christopher walken in the movie, "wild mountain thyme," it premieres in theaters and on demand tomorrow, please say hello to emily blunt. hi, emily. >> hi, jimmy, how are you? >> jimmy: how are you? >> i miss you. >> jimmy: i miss you too. this is really our time. this is the time where we would

play pranks on each other and have all sorts of fun around the holidays. >> i know. i do miss your little christmas elf pranks. i miss you a lot. >> jimmy: are you in new york right now? and what are you drinking? >> just some water with lime cordial. >> jimmy: it looks dirty. [ laughter ] how's everything? how's the family doing? >> the family are really good, really good. we're just back home for the holidays. we've been in london for about five months for some work and stuff, and to actually be able to -- >> jimmy: i don't know if you remember. the last time you were here was march 10th. it was right before everyone got locked in their homes. you were promoting "a quiet place 2," which is great, by the way. and i'm glad they pushed it, because that is a movie that you want to see, i think, with other people, ideally. and then you had another movie, right? "the jungle cruise" got pushed as well. >> yeah, yeah. it was a bit of a -- we just got boned for both movies.

>> jimmy: you did. >> and i have so many great dwayne "the rock" johnson stories that i'm just going to put on ice for a little bit. >> jimmy: you're going to hang on to those? good idea. >> hang on to those. >> jimmy: no one wants a movie about a cruise during a pandemic, i think. [ laughter ] >> i actually remembered the last sketch i did with you, we were on a plane. i just thought, wow. that was just probably not the right move. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's right. you've been in brooklyn for most of this time? >> we were in westchester for most of it. >> jimmy: i see, okay. you went back to visit your family. did you stay with your family or get your own place? >> do you mean in london? >> jimmy: oh, i don't know. westchester i was thinking was in england. new york? >> new york, yes. but we've been in london from august. so we have had our own place for a little healthy separation from all of those blunts, you know. >> jimmy: i don't know why, when i hear west or chester, i think of england. when i hear blunt, i think of guillermo in the parking lot.

[ laughter and applause ] how are your parents doing? >> they're good. you know, i think that -- they've sort of fared pretty well. i mean, i'm amazed they didn't drink themselves to death, you know, being quarantined with each other for so long. but -- yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, they're okay? >> they've done well. they're sort of behaving with all of the covid rules, which i'm grateful for. >> jimmy: when you brought the kids, your little girls, over to london, did they continue with zoom school back home? or -- because that's -- the time difference is tremendous there, right? >> yeah. they've actually been in a proper school with like school uniforms. >> jimmy: oh. >> and miraculously, they're sounding quite british. which i'm completely over the moon about. >> jimmy: you like that, yeah. >> yeah. like my little one sent me a

video, well, she didn't send it, someone sent it, of her singing "jingle bells." almost like a cockney, like dick van dyke singing. the craziest accent ever. it was kind of funny. >> jimmy: i wanted to ask you on the subject of jingle bells. what, in your opinion, are the three greatest christmas songs of all time? i'm going to ask taylor swift this question as well. then maybe we'll see how you guys compare. >> you're even writing them down, this is a lot of pressure. >> jimmy: a lot of pressure here. >> i would say -- i mean, bing crosby's "white christmas" is pretty stunning. >> jimmy: very good, yes. >> classic. "santa baby," eartha kitt. >> jimmy: excellent. >> "all i want for christmas" by mariah. >> jimmy: wow, all right. [ cheers and applause ] mariah carey makes the list. >> of course she does. isn't she in like some sexy santa suit? of course she makes the list. >> jimmy: yes. during this month she is in a sexy santa suit at all times.

[ laughter ] it's some kind of worldwide law now. we're going to take a break. when we come back, we're going to see a clip from emily blunt's movie "wild mountain thyme" after this, we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ shall i put her in snow mode? nope! what about off-road mode? nah. sport mode it is. let's see what this baby can do. or... we could check out that farmers market? no! you know what? i'll be in chill mode... (button click) if anyone needs me. propilot assist with navi-link. available on the all-new nissan rogue. brushing only reaches 25% of your mouth. listerine® cleans virtually 100%. helping to prevent gum disease and bad breath. never settle for 25%. always go for 100. bring out the bold™

take an extra 20% off!...t sale at kohl's! and save on kitchen must-haves! get 25% off toys... and get 20% off fragrance gift sets! plus, get kohl's cash! plus, free store pickup. and don't forget gift cards! give with all your heart. kohl's get new charmin ultra strong. getting clean? it just cleans better, so your family can use less. hello clean bottom! enjoy the go with charmin. choose the longest lasting thiaa battery...son (music) energizer ultimate lithium backed by science. matched by no one. your happy place. find your breaking point. then break it. every emergen-c gives you a potent blend of nutrients so you can emerge your best with emergen-c.

the we have to find just nosomething else.it. good luck! what does that mean? we are doomed. [laughter] that's it. i figured it out! we're going to give togetherness. that sounds dumb. we're going to take all those family moments and package them. hmm. [laughing] that works.

you're in love with anthony. >> it's more than love. >> don't be, and go while your damn gates are open. >> i'm not done with you. >> it's not normal. >> i don't care. >> you'll never marry. >> neither will i, and he'll be in his house and i'll be in mine. >> rosemary! be quick, i need to pee! [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's emily blunt, christopher walken, and a lady to needs to pee in "wild mountain thyme." this is a movie that you have to know how it's spelled. because it's thyme. if you hear "wild mountain time," you might think it's a whole different type of thing. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is a romantic, dramatic, romantic dram-com?

is that a term that we use? >> it is now. i've heard it be called sort of a lyrical romantic comedy. there's all kinds of ways to describe it. i was talking to a journalist who with full confidence said "th-yme." i let it fly. we loved th-yme. >> jimmy: it must be someone who doesn't do much cooking. had you known christopher walken before making this movie? >> no, i mean, i've completely been bewitched by christopher walken during this experience. i just loved him. and he's so special and sort of fragile and gentle. actually, that scene that you just saw was my first day working with him. and he's a man of few words. i think you've probably had him on the show. i mean, he's -- but he's very

funny and very witty. and -- these stories he tells you come out of nowhere. and he was sort of silent with me for most of the day, and all of a sudden we had to stop filming. we're actually shooting on a farm, about 100 cows started to pass through the background. they had to stop filming. out of nowhere christopher goes to me -- i'm not going to do a bad impression of him, although you can't help but speak in his cadence. it's not my christopher walken. out of nowhere he goes, "you know, cows are the most dangerous animal on planet earth." [ laughter ] and i went, what? and he goes, "yeah, they look at you, then their eyes turn to slits, you know they want to kill you." [ laughter ] and i went, "christopher, have you had a bad experience with a cow?" and he just looked at me and he went, "buffalo." and that was it, that was all he said. [ laughter and applause ] i'm desperate to know what

happened with the buffalo, and he will not tell me any more. >> jimmy: wow. >> i have to know. >> jimmy: that's pretty good, yeah. i have to say, when i saw this movie, at first i didn't know where it was set. it is maybe the most beautiful place i've ever seen, ever. i mean, it is just unbelievably beautiful. you shot it in the irish countryside. is that a place -- >> we did. >> jimmy: -- growing up that you would go? >> you know, i'd never been to that sort of beautiful, rural part of ireland. i'd always wanted to. and it really is the most stunning country ever. it doesn't look like anywhere else on earth. the people are extraordinary. you just kind of don't want to leave. you want to stay in the spirit of that place. i mean, the grass is so green, you want to eat it, it looks so nourishing. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's so fab. the only place i've been -- i went to dublin when i was like 14 on a netball -- netball is a sport we play in england, no one has ever heard of it in the u.s.

>> jimmy: yeah, we don't have that one. what is netball? >> it's kind of like basketball, but you can't run with the ball. >> jimmy: oh, well, you can't run with the ball in basketball either, you're supposed to bounce it. >> you dribble it. you can move. >> jimmy: you're just throwing it? >> you get thrown the ball, and you can do one two-step, then you have to pass it on before you take another step. >> see. you were on the team? >> i was on the team. >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah, we went to the guinness factory in dublin. i was 14. i think that's an appropriate age to take some kids to a guinness factory. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you sample their wares? >> yes. i think we must start very young in england. even the sports teachers were up for it. >> jimmy: so they brought the team of 14-year-olds to another country and got them drunk. >> yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow.

i think you better get your daughters back to brooklyn very, very quickly. [ laughter ] >> exactly. >> jimmy: well, it's very good to see you. by the way, just because of covid doesn't mean there's not going to be a prank this year. i want to say, i'm going to send john some eggnog, don't drink it, okay? [ laughter ] whatever you do. >> no, i won't. no. laced nog. >> jimmy: "wild mountain thyme" premieres in theaters and on demand tomorrow. emily blunt, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] good night, emily, thank you. we'll be back with kyle chandler. o president and co-owner of happy howie's dog treats. we make all natural dog treats and we're growing really fast. so fast, we were maxing out production. that's why i chose the spark cash card from capital one. cause i earn unlimited 2% cash back on everything i buy. last year i redeemed $21,000 in cash back... seriously, $21,000. which i used for new equipment, so we can feed even more dogs.

thanks to my spark card, we're in over 4,000 stores across the country. what's in your wallet? everything changes. and if you have to travel for care, like sam did? home can change, too. but, along with your donations, mcdonald's has helped ronald mcdonald house charities keep families like sam's together for more than 40 years. so that not everything changes for sam with cancer. or for his brother liam, without. ♪ and with free curbside pickup at walmart... you can get the perfect gift up until the last minute. let's end the year nailing it. ♪ new aveeno® restorative skin therapy. with our highest concentration of prebiotic oat

intensely moisturizes over time to improve skin's resilience. aveeno® healthy. it's our nature™. [crash] [splash] ♪we're undeniable ♪ finally, a mopping cloth that kills 99.9% of germs from clorox.

tonight, try pure zzzs all night. finally, a mopping cloth that kills 99.9% of germs unlike other sleep aids, our extended release melatonin helps you sleep longer. and longer. zzzquil pure zzzs all night. fall asleep. stay asleep. cheddar, jalapeno and sour cream & onion the spicy nacho stack. i wish i could stack pringles but i don't have hands or a mouth to... cool, play my dance playlist. ♪ ♪ there's a flavor stack for everyone... sort of. but with walmart's low prices, you still know how to do it up. and keep costs down.

let's end the year enjoying more. ♪ you are all i need baby baby to get by ♪

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: kyle chandler and sturgill simpson are on the way. first, it's thursday night which means it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not. it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> i believe that trump is in the middle of this, i believe he knows about it, i believe that's why he has such an unglued personality is that aliens have [ bleep ]ed him for the last four years. >> it's not just that the numbers came in below expectations, it's that they're way too low to fill in the huge [ bleep ] hole that was dug earlier this year. >> you can [ bleep ] us. >> i wish i could. >> if you were going to [ bleep ], i know you would [ bleep ] ainsley, and they she would [ bleep ] us. >> she would be my first [ bleep ]. >> of course, we've seen it before.

>> we have everything marked off so everybody can be safe. you can sit on santa's [ bleep ] if you want to. >> talking about that, i [ bleep ] myself in the bathroom at times. >> one of santa's elves was arrested for trying to [ bleep ] santa's what? >> his [ bleep ]. >> survey said? ♪ come over here let me hold you close let's share a kiss under the mistletoe ♪ ♪ i hope you will agree to take a [ bleep ] on me ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll be back with kyle chandler! because a sandwich so tangy and delicious, it has inspired songs, opinion pieces, even memes, is back. but you don't need to be told that. because a calendar reminder already did. this is a sandwich known to all by reputation. a sandwich you simply cannot eat before documenting.

the mcrib is back. the most important sandwich of the year. ♪ ba da ba ba ba take an extra 20% off!...t sale at kohl's! and save on kitchen must-haves! get 25% off toys... and get 20% off fragrance gift sets! plus, get kohl's cash! plus, free store pickup. and don't forget gift cards! give with all your heart. kohl's bacardi. do what moves you. this is the new iphone 12 pro with 5g! and it's on at&t, the fastest nationwide 5g network. now, new and existing customers can get our best deal.

really?! mom! at&t has the deal for new and existing customers! i will. so what'd she say? wrong person. it's a guy named carl. but he's very excited and on his way. word-of-mouth advertising. it's what they did before commercials. it's not complicated. everyone gets our best deal, like the amazing iphone 12 mini on us. i'm a peer educator,... a fitness buff,... and a champion for my own health. i talked with my doctor... and switched to... fewer medicines with... dovato. prescription dovato is for some adults who are starting hiv-1 treatment or replacing their current hiv-1 regimen. with...just 2 medicines... in 1 pill, dovato is as effective as a 3-drug regimen to help you reach and stay undetectable. research shows people who take hiv treatment as prescribed... and get to and stay undetectable... can no longer transmit hiv through sex. don't take dovato if you're allergic to any of its ingredients... or if you take dofetilide.

hepatitis b can become harder to treat while taking dovato. do not stop dovato without talking to your doctor,... as your hepatitis b may worsen or become life-threatening. serious or life-threatening side effects can occur, including allergic reactions,... lactic acid build up, and liver problems. if you have a rash and other symptoms of an allergic reaction,... stop taking dovato and get medical help right away. tell your doctor if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis b or c,... or if you are, may be, or plan to be pregnant. your doctor may prescribe a different medicine... than dovato if you plan to be pregnant or if pregnancy is confirmed during the first trimester. dovato may harm your unborn baby. use effective birth control while taking dovato. most common side effects are headache, nausea, diarrhea, trouble sleeping,... tiredness, and anxiety. so much goes into who i am. hiv medicine is one part of it. ask your doctor about dovato-i did. hiv medicine is one part of it. listerine® cleans virtually 100%. helping to prevent gum disease and bad breath.

never settle for 25%. always go for 100. bring out the bold™ cross e'erbody off hey sis,your gift li♪tas ♪ ♪ the whole squad lookin' fly in the half-zips ♪ ♪ it's the coziest fleece-mas that ever existed ♪ shop last minute gifts with up to 75% off storewide! we holiday. now, at old navy, and oldnavy.com

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. music and a big surprise from sturgill simpson is on the way. our next guest is an emmy-winning actor you know from "friday night lights," "bloodline," and from the movies too.

please welcome kyle chandler. [ cheers and applause ] hi, kyle. >> hello. hello. hello. >> jimmy: how are you? >> this is very interesting. very good, sir. how are you? >> jimmy: i'm good. you've got the voice of god right now. [ laughter ] >> ah, really? >> jimmy: yeah, it's really booming. you've got the beard of god as well. is that for a role? or have you just -- [ laughter ] have you given up? >> no, i just forgot to shave this morning. [ laughter ] no, yes, of course it's for a role. and i was told to keep some stubble. >> jimmy: yeah. >> then i didn't hear back. and the film was pushed down the line a little bit. and i didn't hear anything. so i kept growing it. finally i called up, do you want me to just grow it out? they said, yeah, go ahead. so this is what it is now. i kind of like it. >> jimmy: isn't it kind of a weird thing? i think most humans don't experience a situation in which somebody else tells them what their hair should be like. this is what's going to be on your face. [ laughter ] >> it is kind of -- i'm waiting for that role where someone says, you need to gain 30 pounds. [ laughter ] that never happens either.

>> jimmy: would that make you happy, or bum you out, knowing you'd then have to get rid of it? >> i'd be so happy. >> jimmy: you would? >> i've got a menu set up in my mind. [ laughter ] oh, yeah. >> jimmy: you know, i don't know if you're aware of this. on the subject of hair. your director and costar from "the midnight sky," george clooney, was here last week. and he's using a flowbee to give himself a haircut, and he's been doing it, he says, for many, many years. >> yeah, that's -- uh. [ laughter ] i mean, he's -- i mean, i don't like paying 30 bucks for a haircut, but i mean, come on. [ laughter ] i'm paying 30 bucks for a haircut. >> jimmy: have you ever ordered a product from television? >> a product from television. >> jimmy: yeah, like -- that stuff they advertise late at night on the cable, you know? >> wait, i'm sorry.

my wife is in the room. she's going, "the butt thing." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? >> i don't know! oh, no, no, we're not talking about that. [ laughter ] forget about that, no, sir. [ applause ] i'll tell you later. >> jimmy: okay, all right. we may have to have her on the show every time you're on. [ laughter ] anyway, this is your, what, third movie with george clooney, right? or actually, what -- you did a tv show with him. you did "catch-22" with him. and what else did you guys do together? >> well, he produced "argo." >> jimmy: right, right. >> then yeah, then "22," then this. >> jimmy: at what point do you become one of the friends he gives a million dollars to, do you know? [ laughter ] >> i tried to figure that out, i don't know. i don't know. >> jimmy: you were one of the sexiest men alive well before george clooney was sexiest man alive. and we actually have -- why don't you tell us about this.

[ laughter ] that's not you. >> no, that's not me. >> jimmy: that's not you. >> i have to admit, that's not me. >> jimmy: 1992, september. inside, john corbett. then if we could zoom in, kyle chandler. [ cheers and applause ] >> darn, what a handsome devil that is. >> jimmy: do you have a copy of this? this magazine? >> seven of them. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i selected one of the quotes. "kyle chandler has that prell hair, controlled pout, and hurt hazel eyes. the rest of him could moonlight as a chippendale's dancer." [ laughter ] >> you're damn right, jimmy. [ applause ] >> jimmy: it also said you were single and looking for love. is that how you met your wife? got into whatever butt things? [ laughter ] >> well, jimmy, it is, actually. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it is, wow. >> i sent out that call, yeah.

you know, this thing about george, though, i'd like to step back. >> jimmy: yeah, go ahead. >> i can't tell you, doing this movie with him -- how many wonderful things i've had to come up to say about him. >> jimmy: ah, yes. >> let's just get one thing straight. he talks often about being the sexiest man alive twice. indeed. but you know what, twice is only two more times than you and i have got. [ laughter ] and i had my sexiest, well -- one of the ten sexiest guys of the year back in '91. when did his come out? >> jimmy: i have no idea. >> '97 or so, i think. >> jimmy: oh. yeah, you definitely beat him to it. although i do want to say, it was 1992, not to split hairs. it was 1992. hey, one of the guys checking your connection before told me you have some kind of a night vision goggles behind you. is that the black thing that you have back there?

>> i do, yeah. ever seen those? >> jimmy: i've seen them in like sharper image catalog or something. what do you do with that? >> no, this is a -- see, turn it on, it goes dark. >> jimmy: yeah? >> you turn on it -- no, just kidding. it's a monocle. it's used -- the same night vision they use over in afghanistan, iraq. it's a really quality piece. i had a friend of mine when i was doing "bloodline" in florida. he showed me this at nighttime. and we used it on the boats. we'd be out at night on the boats. it was very helpful. also, when you aim it up at the sky, if you're seeing a thousand stars, this will multiply it times another thousand. it's absolutely incredible how clear it goes through. but as well, i use it out here on the property to -- when i go out -- i've got an armadillo that i chased the other night. [ laughter ]

he's putting holes in the property. my wife said i can't talk about the donkeys anymore. but i like to try to sneak up on the donkeys in the pasture at night, that's fun. [ laughter ] trying to walk up on deer. it's amazing. you can see it's daytime. it's absolutely amazing. that's what i use it for. >> jimmy: is it a good idea to sneak up on a donkey? [ laughter ] >> oh, yeah, you kidding me? who could have more fun than that, sir? [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: well, i don't know. >> what do you do with your evenings? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know, but it sounds -- it's something i would definitely give a try. i probably wouldn't sneak up from the rear, but you know how that goes. "the midnight sky," it's really good. have you had a chance to see the whole thing? >> i have. katherine and i watched it the other night, about five nights ago. it was spectacular. it was very interesting. real quick, it was very interesting finishing that movie in february, knowing what you

had made, knowing what the script was, then coming home. over the last 10 months, how the themes of that movie were accentuated, unfortunately. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but it was a complete different movie. the emotional levels on it, it's -- >> jimmy: i could not get over how much it really spoke to what is happening right now. especially knowing that it had absolutely nothing to do -- you finished it before all of this started. >> it really does go to show, you know, the timing when movies are made to when they come out. it's a huge factor in how a film plays. >> jimmy: i understand if you watch "midnight sky" with night goggles it's a thousand times better. [ laughter ] >> there's easter eggs everywhere. >> jimmy: "the midnight sky" premieres december 23rd on netflix. kyle chandler. thanks, kyle, appreciate it, good to see you. >> happy new year.

>> jimmy: you too. be right back with sturgill simpson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

xfinity internet customers are saving up to $400 when they add xfinity mobile. they can choose from flexible data options. and get nationwide 5g included, all on the most reliable network! ...and they lived happily ever after. again! again! get an incredible offer on xfinity internet and you could save up to $400 a year when you add xfinity mobile. click, call, or visit a store today. >> dicky: music on "jimmy kimmel live" is presented

by crown royal, who is helping support bars, clubs and stages in danger of being lost forever. visit mainstreetalliance.org to learn more. >> jimmy: thanks to emily blunt and kyle chandler, apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next, but first, moments ago, his surprise release of another album, "cuttin' grass volume 2." this is volume 1. with the song "all the pretty colors," from nashville's station inn, sturgill simpson! ♪ ♪ ♪ grey is the color of my world since you left me ♪ ♪ on that bright and sunny orange and mournful day no more rainbows ♪ ♪ shining out my window like you my skies of blue ♪ ♪ have gone away i guess you bought and sold ♪ ♪ all the silver and the gold this old world don't seem to ♪ ♪ shine no more yellow, purple

pink, and red ♪ ♪ have been replaced by lead like the foggy hollow that i'm headed for ♪ ♪ and all the colors are bleeding where's ol' van gogh ♪ ♪ when you need him i bet you my left ear he can relate ♪ ♪ and all the pretty blue is fading from the sea of tears ♪ ♪ i'm wading and it's cause of you my world's gone grey ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ well, some say grey's a better way to live than blue ♪ ♪ not quite black and white but in between ♪

♪ but i've been so down ever since those eyes of brown ♪ ♪ followed white lines back to pines eternal green ♪ ♪ and all the colors are bleeding where's ol' van gogh ♪ ♪ when you need him i bet you my left ear he can relate ♪ ♪ and all the pretty blue is fading from the sea of tears ♪ ♪ i'm wading and it's cause of you my world's gone grey ♪ ♪ and all the pretty blue is fading from the sea of tears ♪ ♪ i'm wading and it's cause of you my world's gone grey ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

i don't think i've ever seen anyone more thrilled to be expecting. she was just so excited. >> i think that's also part of why it was so shocking, is because it was like, this is fine, she's happy, she's healthy, everything as good. and then -- >> black women in the united states are three to four more times likely to die in childbirth than their white counterparts. >> everyone else has done better, but not african-american women. >> i remember being angry. after everything. that she's dead. just -- gone. >> the hospital ws in our neighborhoods, they don't offer the things we need. >> race itself is not biological reality. it's not race, it's racism. >> it's daddy, is