>> and >> dicky: tonight, from a completely abandoned hollywood boulevard, it's the "jimmy kimmel live coronaversary show"! with special guests -- joel mchale. u.s. secretary of transportation pete buttigieg. a special musical performance by adam duritz. and honoring one year of awkward video communication, the first ever zoomy award! wow. has it really been a year? god, that's depressing. sorry! i got sad for a second! and now, because every virus needs a host, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, hello. thank you, everybody. welcome to our first and hopefully last

coronaversary show. there's some presents for you. there's some presents for you. the traditional gift for a one-year anniversary is paper. so i figured toilet paper makes the most sense, right? i've got sweat pants on. this is a special show tonight. tonight, we look back at our year of living contagiously. one year ago today, the world health organization officially declared the coronavirus a pandemic, and we've been spraying our bananas with windex ever since. [ laughter ] quick show of hands, how many of you are still boiling your mail before it comes in? [ laughter ] it's funny to think back on all the dumb things we did when this started. one of the guys who works here, i don't want to mention any names, but it's gary greenberg. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] what's gary's middle name? lee? is it lee? gary lee greenburg. [ laughter ] he was like, should i order sushi, is it okay to order sushi?

everybody's like, yeah, gary, it's okay. he orders sushi. but before he eats it, he puts it in the microwave. and ruins it. [ laughter ] a lot of serial killers have the name lee. [ laughter ] remember when we were carefully disassembling our instacart deliveries like a munitions expert in "the hurt locker"? watch out, the chipotle could explode! a year ago, if someone said "n95," you'd think they were a bingo caller. [ laughter ] it meant nothing. we haven't been able to see friends, loved ones. i miss physical contact so much, i applied for a job at governor cuomo's office. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the dramaer's passed away. [ laughter ] hard to believe we've been in for a whole year since people were dancing in clubs, eating in crowded restaurants, passing bongs around the beach, partying like it's 1999.

it seems like yesterday, and you know why? that was yesterday. those clips were from texas and florida yesterday. [ laughter ] oh well. here in california, things are loosening up a little. l.a. county today issued guidelines for certain businesses such as gyms and movie theaters to re-open, possibly as soon as this weekend. i'm gonna pretend i'm excited the gyms are opening back up. [ laughter ] i'm going to be like, oh man, i can't wait to get back in that gym. disneyland is going to reopen soon at 15% capacity. [ cheers and applause ] 15% capacity, california residents only. in order to make a profit, they're requiring each guest to eat twelve churros apiece. [ laughter ] i can do that. hallmark put out a new line of greeting cards, thank you very much, to commemorate the year that was. we sent a guy in a hazmat suit to go buy a few at cvs. let's see. happy coronaversary! where has the time gone? and where have my airpods gone?

did you take them? because i can't find them and i feel like they were on my nightstand. you know those are mine, right? [ laughter and applause ] let's see what else i have here. oh, yes. i'm blinded by my love for you or maybe it's from drinking bleach. [ laughter ] and this is a family card. and one more year of this and i'm killing the kids. [ laughter and applause ] those will be on the floor if anyone needs them. stimulus checks will be in your pockets, for some as early as this weekend. team biden is planning to hit the road next week to promote his covid relief plan. it's what they're calling the "help is here tour." part of the effort is to convince those who are reluctant to get the vaccine to get it. in fact, a group of former presidents teamed up to make a psa to encourage vaccination. it's weirdly kind of fun to see them all together. >> this vaccine means forward. it will protect you and those you love from this deadly disease.

>> i look forward to going to opening day at texas ranger stadium with a full stadium. >> i want to go to work and i want to move around. >> as you know, we just came out with a fragrance, it's called "success by trump" and it's sold at macy's. [ laughter and applause ] >> in order to get rid of this pandemic, it's important for our fellow citizens to get vaccinated. >> i'd like to say that if you put it on, anything you want will come true. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know what, he finally found a way to unload that hydroxychloroquine, i guess. [ applause ] our president used to sell cologne. president biden is directing states to make the vaccine available to all adults by may 1st. biden addressed the nation tonight from the east room of the white house. this was his first primetime speech since taking office. and it comes exactly one year after our former president gave his own virus-related address, warning us of the dangers to come. >> the risk is very, very low. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: that's what they say about owning a casino, and he bankrupted three of those. [ laughter and applause ] i never get tired of him seeing that, him telling us -- the whole time, captain contagious was telling us it would go away. 40 times he said this on tv alone. unfortunately, saying "go away" doesn't work. it's a virus. not eric. [ laughter ] according to the annual "stress in america" report, this country is stressed, very stressed, and we are eating our way through it. 61% of americans say they gained weight during the pandemic. largely thanks to the efforts of the heroic men and women who deliver food to our homes. of course, we would never have made it through the past year without doctors, nurses, respiratory therapists and all the many healthcare heroes. but we also owe a debt to the drivers from doordash, postmates, grubhub, all of them. and when i say we owe them a debt, i mean it literally. many drivers in cities all across the country complain that gratuities during the pandemic are down. people aren't tipping as much, which stinks because these drivers really don't make any money from the delivery itself.

i myself was a delivery driver once. and so, as a service to those who order food, we assembled a group of real delivery drivers who teamed up to bring you this very important message. ♪ >> hello. >> we're delivery drivers from postmates. >> uber eats. >> doordash, instacart, and everywhere else. >> we want to remind you we're not doing this for our health. if we cared about our health, we'd be at home, like you. >> watching "wandavision" which we still haven't seen yet -- >> because we're busy delivering your pizza -- >> almonds. >> burritos. >> fried chicken. >> and whatever the hell else you ordered when you were high. >> remember when you see us, this is our job. >> you tip the waitress, right? she brings the food to your table. >> we bring the table to your house. >> all the way to your house. >> for god's sake, tip us. >> tip us. >> tip us. >> tip us. >> [ bleep ] tip us, seriously.

>> i don't know why we have to u >> we work for tips. >> my car smells like tacos. your tacos that i didn't even get to eat. >> so tip us. >> just tip us. >> and put some pants on when you come to the door! >> paid for by america's delivery drivers. we know where you live. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the only real friends we have. one business not hurt by the pandemic has been zoom communications. zoom revenue is up over 300% since march of last year. seems like it should be higher, right? >> guillermo: yeah, jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah, thanks for agreeing. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: i agree, yeah. >> jimmy: do you pay for zoom? >> guillermo: no, i don't. >> jimmy: i don't know what you would be paying for, it comes for free. i put all my money in party cty at the beginning of the pandemic. [ laughter ] zoom is how many people now go to work and go to school and of course, it has also led to a

number of zoom-related mishaps. and for those tonight, we are pleased to present the first-ever zoomy award! [ cheers and applause ] and the zoominees are -- you're upside-down tom. >> will the gentleman suspend -- are you okay? >> i am. >> you're upside down, tom. >> i don't know how to fix that. >> and fyi -- >> you can stand on your head. >> jimmy: meowt of order! >> youtube, kids do it. and the bbc are also now embracing this. why are you not doing this by default? rocco, put your tail down.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: in the name of the filter! [ laughter ] [ speaking latin ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: bad to the bone! >> -- technology kills viruses and -- just what did you do? dad, holy crap! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and cattorney at law. >> i believe you have a filter turned on in the video settings. [ laughter ] you might want to -- >> we're trying to -- can you hear me, judge? >> i can hear you, i think it's a filter -- >> it is.

i don't know how to remove it. i've got my assistant here, she's trying to, but -- oh, i'm prepared to go forward with it. i'm here live, i'm not a cat. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. so many wonderful nominees. but only one will win the zoomy. and the zoomy goes to -- cattorney at law! [ cheers and applause ] and now to accept his zoomy award, all the way from st. alpine, texas, rod ponton! congratulations, rod. [ cheers and applause ] >> all the way from texas, i want to give you my deepest appreciation for the first-ever zoomy award. [ cheers and applause ] i can't believe -- i can't tell you how meaningful it is to me, to be rewarded for my own screw-up on the cat zoom filter --

>> jimmy: mr. ponton, i believe you have a filter turned on in the video settings. >> well, thank you for reminding me. but anyway. i think this award means more than the academy awards mean to some of those hollywood actors. i want to thank my staff and everybody else. thank you all for laughing with me. i was glad i was able to give the world a laugh for a moment with my cat filter. >> jimmy: well, you did that indeed, rod. [ cheers and applause ] congratulations, and congratulations to all of our nominees tonight. there are no losers here. i think the cat passed away. all right. one more pandemic-themed item before we forge ahead, it's thursday night, which means it's time to bleep and blur the covid moments of the year. it's "this corona year in unnecessary censorship." [ cheers and applause ] >> apparently i got the rona.

i map y ha] i can do before that gets boring. >> there's nothing wrong with people [ bleep ]ing two [ bleep ]s. i often myself do. >> the president today said it's safe to [ bleep ]. >> i haven't touched my [ bleep ] in weeks, i miss it. >> people in the restaurant industry hit so hard by this pandemic. one murphy drill family decided to bless restaurant workers with big [ bleep ]s. >> "defiant trump removes mask after release from hospital, [ bleep ] off." >> it's pretty amazing what happened. i wasn't feeling great. and the next day i wake up and i'm saying, like, who can i [ bleep ] today? >> this thanksgiving is going to suck [ bleep ]. >> there's actually a term in dating called fauci'ing someone. do you know what that means? >> i'm going to [ bleep ] you. [ chee >> jimmy: well. we have a great show for you tonight.

pete buttigieg is with us. we've got music from adam duritz. and we'll be right back with joel mchale! the new samsung galaxy s21. this looks different. - it is. - show me. just hit record! see that? you're filming in 8k. that's cinema quality. so... you can pull photos straight from video. impressive. but will it last the whole trip? you'll have battery all day. and then more. this is different. told you. ♪ ♪ how do you top the perfect cup of dunkin' cold brew? with the perfect top of sweet cold foam. for a velvety smoothness and feeling you just can't top. sip into a medium chocolate stout or

classic cold brew with sweet cold foam for $3. order ahead plus earn rewards. america runs on dunkin' ♪ 3, 2, 1, go ♪ order this easter, sharewards. a little surprise. play around with the portrait. and find everything you need to bring a bit more yay to the day for every bunny. when heartburn takes you by surprise. fight back fast, with new tums naturals. free from artificial flavors and dyes.

(vo) ideas exist inside you, electrify you. they grow from our imagination, but they can't be held back. they want to be set free. to make the world more responsible, and even more incredible. ideas start the future, just like that. ♪ hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play ♪ ♪ hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid ♪ ♪ and all that glitters is gold ♪ get 5 boneless wings for $1 with any handcrafted burger. only at applebee's. (music)

fleece vibes. with any handcrafted burger. only at old navy, and old navy.com where is everyone? pringles original, barbecue, pizza. the barbecue pizza stack. (cheers) endless flavors to stack.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: tonight, we are looking back at the last 25 years we've been in lockdown. the former mayor of south bend, indiana, current u.s. secretary of transportation, pete buttigieg is with us. [ cheers and applause ] he was here hosting this show one year ago tonight when it all shut down. then, later, his band has a new album coming in may as we celebrate the 25th anniversary of this classic, "recovering the satellites," music from

adam duritz of counting crows. [ cheers and applause ] adam has a song i asked him to sing because i think it captures what we've been through this year pretty well. next week, we've got new shows with gwen stefani, lionel richie, anthony mackie, jeffrey dean morgan and the former first lady of the united states, michelle obama, will join us. [ cheers and applause ] music from brittany howard, tune-yards, and chess-ka featuring de la ghetto and offset. please join us for all of that. [ applause ] our first guest is a multi-talented man you know mostly from television, but now, he's the star of a movie that you will probably have to watch on television. "happily," it premieres in theaters, digitally, and on demand a week from friday. he hasn't left his home for a year, please welcome joel mchale! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> jimmy: how are you? look at this. >> thank you. there you go, there you go, get it, get it. >> jimmy: you look great. that is a beautiful -- >> this is -- >> jimmy: beautiful beard you've grown there. >> it's great to see you. >> jimmy: that is a year's worth of growth? >> this is a week. [ laughter ] you should see my pubes. [ laughter ] they're past my knees. no, i started a zz top tribute band during the pandemic. >> jimmy: i didn't know that, i didn't know you were a musician, yeah. >> i'm not, it's terrible. [ laughter ] sounds terrible, yeah, i can keep two meals in this thing. >> jimmy: they're called zz bottom, the name of the band? [ laughter ] >> yeah, that has another meaning as well. no, this is -- i didn't do anything during the pandemic. >> jimmy: interesting that your beard would be full and your eyebrows bushy, yet your hair looks like it was cut today. >> it's weird, this has not grown at all. [ laughter ]

but i realized -- when i was storming the capitol, it was like, everyone looks like me! [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: what's going on with that shirt? i'm just noticing you've got a lot of company names on it. >> i want that [ bleep ] vaccine, man. look, everybody's making it now. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, you do have all the -- >> pfizer, if you're in, that's great. moderna. nabisco. >> jimmy: they make a vaccine? >> i don't know, maybe. jim bean sure did. [ laughter ] there was a number of times i woke up and thought, i must be sick and i was just hung over. "fortnite," if they come out with the vaccine, all the kids will be totally behind it. >> jimmy: they'll have it for sure. >> this is the vaccine i'm excited about, waffle house. can you imagine giving a vaccine to waffle? >> jimmy: boysenberry syrup flavored. >> it would be so good. >> jimmy: you look great. >> you look amazing and i've never seen your balls like this. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you've probably never even seen them.

they're not visible, are they? >> it's weird, the tie -- >> jimmy: hold on, let me shake them back down the leg. >> that's great. do you do the check after a pee, you put up the pants and you're like, any leakage? i'm okay. >> jimmy: of course i do, of course. a man my age? it's like you've blown a gasket. [ laughter ] >> me too, man. >> jimmy: i think i saw you in person one year ago exactly. other. eally have not seen each- >> jimmy: yeah, you were on "who wants to be a millionaire." >> yeah. >> jimmy: i know you cook, i know you like that, what else? >> well, first of all, like when the pandemic hit, it was today. was today the day? >> jimmy: today was the day. >> so my kid turned 12 the next day. and we had to cancel his party and all that. so he is turning 13 tomorrow. and we are having a distanced party. so happy birthday, isaac. [ cheers and applause ]

i want to make an announcement that jimmy kimmel will be at the party. [ laughter ] he will be doing entertainment. >> jimmy: i'm coming to the party, yeah. >> this is great. >> jimmy: i'd love to come to isaac's party. is it going fob one of those where people drive by? those are the worst parties. it's like, hey, look, there's my friends -- oh, there they go. >> yeah, we got a used bouncy house that's been at 12 different places. don't even wash it, we'll put it up, i'm sure it's fine. there's a ballroom, it's great. no, jimmy, you know me. i'm an obsessive-compulsive workaholic. >> jimmy: you are kind of, aren't you? what have you been working on? it seems like you've done jobs that didn't even exist to get this far. >> that is true. even when i -- i said yes to everything offered. i was on every zoom game show. and believe me -- it's funny you say that about zoom and everyone coplains about zoom, but could you imagine being the president of zoom? it's like, we are providing an essential service and everyone

[ bleep ]ing hates us! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and we're not charging them anything for it! >> yeah, it's free and they're all furious about us! another miracle of technology, great. >> jimmy: should have put them on your shirt. >> i feel like every a-list celebrity basically went on vacation for the first part of covid. they're like, oh, i had to be in cancun. [ laughter ] and hide there. so i just was like, us d-listers, i said yes to everything. >> jimmy: you did, yeah. >> even when you went on vacation, i hosted your show. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yes, thank you for doing that. >> thank you. look at that response! >> jimmy: see that? >> my gosh, yeah. >> jimmy: have you always had this work ethic? >> yeah, no, i'm an -- >> jimmy: even as a kid, a young boy? >> i was going to say, i hosted this show on my anniversary. >> jimmy: right, yeah. yes. >> and when i -- i was worried

when i told my wife, i'm like, is it okay? she was like, i expected you to work on our anniversary, so it would be weird if you were available to express your love to me. [ laughter ] but no, as -- boy, your staff is a great audience. [ cheers and applause ] except for you! no. [ laughter ] i had, like, 12 jobs as a kid. i did -- i had a paper route. i had a weeding service. i used to fold sweatshirts at a -- like a big warehouse. i cut down trees. that was odd. i trimmed them. and i was constantly doing stuff. and i worked at an espresso cart for years. >> jimmy: in seattle? >> in seattle. i was in a mobile espresso cart. >> jimmy: what year was this? >> this started in 1989. >> jimmy: that's when i lived and worked in seattle. >> this is when you were afraid of mt. rainier, right? >> jimmy: i still am, right,

it's an active volcano. [ laughter ] everyone should be afraid. >> don't you think there's enough warning with an active volcano? >> jimmy: not for me there isn't, no. [ laughter ] >> he's really afraid of mt. rainier, i'm not kidding. >> jimmy: i haven't lived in seattle for 30 years, i feel like i got out of there just in time. [ laughter and applause ] >> so when you see amazon setting up, like spreading out in seattle, you're like, okay, keep going, guys. [ laughter ] you are [ bleep ]ed. >> jimmy: amazon was a jungle back then. >> you're fine with earthquakes, sudden earthquakes in l.a.? >> jimmy: don't like those either, not a fan, yeah. >> wouldn't you say there's more of those than eruptions? >> jimmy: it's just so hard to do a television show in alabama, you know? >> true, i didn't think about that. a whole other set of problems there. >> jimmy: looking at you, i feel like i'm doing a television show in alabama. >> now you're making fun of alabama? thanks a lot.

[ applause ] >> jimmy: joe mchale is here, we'll be right back. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by instacart. get same-day delivery on st. patrick's day food and drinks. download the app and take $25 off your first order with code "shamrock 25." all in, all day. and all in on power. this is what excellence looks like, people. and this is what exhilaration feels like. the new lexus is. all in on style. all in on performance. all in one package. like me. yeah, we'll see about that. the new lexus is. experience amazing at your lexus dealer. ♪ tay keith ♪ and there you have it: mcdonald's new crispy chicken sandwich. from the makers of the world's most-stolen fries. the juicy chicken sandwich...

from the place that offers extra napkins for a reason. the tender chicken sandwich... from the creators of a sandwich phenomenon. so you won't just be biting into a chicken sandwich, you'll be biting into mcdonald's new crispy, juicy, tender chicken sandwich. ♪ ba da ba ba ba ♪ up at 2:00am again? tonight, try pure zzzs all night. crispy, juicy, tender chicken sandwich. unlike other sleep aids, our extended release melatonin helps you sleep longer. and longer. zzzquil pure zzzs all night. fall asleep. stay asleep.

we are prepared to take full responsibility for our mishap. >> mishap? >> yes. >> i think we're going to need some kind of an explanation here.

>> you see, every few years we encounter someone with a -- defect. but two people with a -- malfunction, that, that is what we call a rarity. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is joe mchale. >> and of course the amazing kerry bishe. >> jimmy: i don't know how much i can say about this movie. i enjoyed it. i think i can say that you play a couple, you and kerry, who really like each other after 14 years of marriage. >> yep. >> jimmy: and it really bothers all of their friends. >> yes. we have sex like three times a day. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: lot of sex. >> we've been married 14 years, and yeah, they hate our guts. >> jimmy: then it gets really, really strange. >> yes. it is like a "twilight zone" episode with, again, a lot of sex. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a lot of sex. and a lot of actors, they're

uncomfortable with sex scenes, whatever. you told me it's the only way you can get an erection is on set? [ laughter ] >> yeah. yeah, it's -- [ applause ] i might as well be squatting in a river all the time. until i get on set. because that is the sexiest place. >> jimmy: not only you have this movie "happily," which was supposed to come out a year ago? >> supposed to be in the tribeca film festival, and that didn't happen. now it's finally coming -- i said i was not going to shave until it came out. [ laughter ] so here we go. yeah, now it's finally coming out so we're very excited. again, the cast is so great. >> jimmy: a lot of funny people in it. >> yeah, the group is very, very good. i can't remember any of them. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: speaking of funny, you brought us something special tonight. >> yes. >> jimmy: you did a standup comedy special. >> i did a standup comedy special. >> jimmy: for netflix? >> yes. i shot it in october. >> jimmy: you shot this in

october? that was kind of height of the pandemic? >> again, i don't stop working, so i was like -- they offered it and i'm like, you bet, i'm doing it. >> jimmy: interesting, all right. we have the world premiere of the trailer for joel mchale's production, take a look. >> let's hear it! yeah! ♪ >> this barely works 60% of the time. whoo! and that's why i don't use railings. how about that traffic out there? i got here quicker than it took me to pick out my fashionably torn jeans. who's with me? man, i want that vaccine. i want that vaccine. for herpes! hello! hey, what's your name, man? >> it's mike. >> mike? mike? hey! what do you do, mike?

>> i'm the cameraman. >> how much time do i have left? [ laughter ] [ laughter ] so what else is going on? you guys washing your hands? you guys washing your hands? are you guys washing your hands? eat it, chappelle! [ cheers and applause ] >> part one, that's part one. that's the first hour. the first hour. >> jimmy: joel mchale, everyone. "happily" premieres in theaters, digital, and on demand a week from friday. >> go see it! >> jimmy: we'll be back with pete buttigieg!

when i had acne, i made up a lot of excuses. i need to spend more time... with my cat. i am just soo busy... busy bee. there's a raccoon outside of my door... and it's... a alpha. and when i was tired of the excuses? i got rid of my acne with differin gel. take the 90-day challenge now and you'll get consistently clear skin too. so if you're tired of making spaghetti for your hamster, do things differin. ♪ ♪ now here we go ♪ ♪ i can't help it if i'm poppin' see them watch like ♪ ♪ who that girl ♪ ♪ it's outrageous how this flavour got em shook like ♪ ♪ hold up ♪ ♪ work work work it out ♪ ♪ ah ha ♪ ♪ i hit it back with a brand new style ♪ ♪ like woah ♪ ♪ bring it up into the fold get wild ♪ ♪ we turning up all the way on the dial ♪ ♪ like woah ♪ ♪ baby i'm fabulous so come on ♪ limitless possibilities. the boldly new 2021 nissan kicks.

♪ i'm david collado i chose the spark cash card from capital one. cause i earn unlimited 2% cash back on everything i buy. last year i redeemed $21,000 in cash back which i used for new equipment, to expand production. what's in your wallet? i'm jayson tatum. check out my subway sub with delicious turkey and crispy bacon. i'm draymond green. with my subway sub with tender steak and melty cheese. my sub will help you put points on the board, unlike some other subs. why would you say that, jayson? hey man, i'm just talkin' about subs here. oh c'mon. my sub is gonna throw down on your... my sub has more rings than your sub. my sub has bacon. choose better, be better. and now buy one sub, get one fifty percent off in the app. subway eat fresh. but not jayson's sub.

and free, and free, and free, and free, and free. not a better and free! free down, free down. hit free here, free where there. down a free free down a free free here. not a better and free. make it at free. hit free here, where a free there. no no no, free, free. make it at free. free! that's right, turbotax free edition is free. free, free free free. dry, distressed skin that struggles? new aveeno® restorative skin therapy. with our highest concentration of prebiotic oat intensely moisturizes over time to improve skin's resilience. aveeno® healthy. it's our nature™. john tyson's motto was, " when better chickens are hatched, we will hatch them." it's why all of the tyson chicken that bears his name is raised with no antibiotics ever. every nugget, strip and drumstick.

keep it real. keep it tyson. we're for those who love to discover. who know an open mind is the only kind. who don't need to travel to find something new. who know where to escape, even just for a moment. who don't need a fortune to find a gem. and who know when you spend less, you can discover even more. and never, ever stop discovering. spend less. discover more. at t.j. maxx and marshalls.

>> jimmy: music from adam duritz is on the way. our next guest was the last person to stand on this stage and tell jokes before it all went south. now he's in charge of the u.s. department of transportation, that doesn't happen much. [ laughter ] joining us from washington d.c., please welcome secretary pete buttigieg. [ cheers and applause ] hello, secretary buttigieg, how are you?

>> i'm good, it's good seeing you. >> jimmy: boy. we didn't know, obviously you didn't know, none of us knew, that when you came here and you were nice enough to fill in for me that you would be doing a show in front of no audience. you found out that day, right? >> yeah, remember how much changed between breakfast and when we actually went on. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right. >> been rehearsing a couple of days. middle of the day we found out things are changing, maybe we shouldn't have an audience. that thinned it out. trying to figure out if we could go forward. who would have thought that would be the last time anybody would be in that studio for a long time. >> jimmy: yeah, i feel in a way like you're responsible. [ laughter ] >> thanks a lot. >> jimmy: not long after that, i believe we have a photograph here, you grew a beard, which i think looks very good. i asked you to host the show, not to co-opt my life. [ laughter ] you went a little, little too far, i think. >> what can i say, it went to my

head. >> jimmy: had you known that you were not going to have an audience that night, were it not for sir patrick stewart who's like one of if not your favorite, would you have left? would you have gone right back home? >> anything to be able to meet patrick stewart in person, so i'm glad we were able to do it. yeah, it was a lot of fun. but could not have guessed what was coming next. >> jimmy: may i ask -- >> couldn't have asked how long it would take. >> jimmy: i wanted to ask about your cabinet position. i wonder how that worked. do you get a phone call from now president biden? do you -- how does that work, how do you get the news? >> yeah, yeah, you get a phone call from somebody asking you if you have time to speak to the president-elect. >> jimmy: oh. >> you do. [ laughter ] exciting to get the call. obviously worked hard to support the campaign and felt like there might be an opportunity to serve. it's the president-elect's decision, and you don't know until you get the call.

so it felt great to know i was going to have a chance to serve, to work on something as important and as cool as transportation, something i've always cared a lot about. really important part of what this administration's going to be able to do if you think about how much is on the line for our infrastructure right now. >> jimmy: yeah, i do want to ask you about that. i'm first curious to know, did you know that that was the position you would be offered? or could it have been housing and urban development, or some other position in the cabinet? >> yeah, i mean, it's not like, you know, a job application process where you're going in for a specific slot. it's the judgment of the president-elect. and i remember a news article about some rumor that i was going to be sent to china. which came as a big surprise to chastain and to me. [ laughter ] things worked out for the best. >> jimmy: as head of the department of transportation, do you oversee the monorail at disneyland? [ laughter ] do you oversee -- are ufos under

your purview, technically? >> you know, i guess they could be. we have commercial space travel so it could. it's amazing. stuff people know about. planes, trains, automobiles. we do a lot with airports, roads and highways. then things you don't think about. pipelines, hazardous materials. we're in charge of time zones. i try not to let that power go to my head. [ laughter ] daylight saving time coming up this weekend, so very important to us at department of transportation. everybody remember to spring forward. >> jimmy: hold on, you're in charge of time zones? [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: you're the guy i've been wanting to talk to! we've got to get rid of this daylight saving time. [ cheers and applause ] my son, he woke up at 6:00 this morning. we can't, we need consistency, we must have, we must do away with this curse! can you do that? >> i'll see what i can do. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, i'd appreciate that, okay. infrastructure. i feel like infrastructure is like gluten.

we all know that it's important, but we don't really know exactly what it is. what is infrastructure? >> so i tell you, infrastructure is what makes it possible for us to move people and goods around this country and for us to go about our lives. the deeper it is, the more important it is to us. the whole idea is that you don't have to think about that it much. you wouldn't be able to go about your life to get to work or school or your loved ones or whatever is important to you unless there was a good way to get there. that's why roads are so important, that's why transit is so important. the truth is, not everybody has infrastructure that they can count on without having to think about it. and that's where we come in. we've got to make that better. >> jimmy: yet you ride to work on a bicycle. isn't that spitting in the face of transportation itself? [ laughter ] >> no, because that's part of infrastructure too, right? part of what we're trying to do is encourage cities and states to build more bike lanes, which is a kind of infrastructure. bike-sharing, which is a kind of infrastructure. [ applause ]

i encourage more people to bike to work, so i figure out how to practice what i preach. >> jimmy: now that the president has signed the bill, will you have to load the stimulus checks onto a train and get them to people? >> that's right, bags of cash, we put them on airplanes. [ laughter ] no, obviously it's a whole government effort to make sure these resources get out to where they need to be. it's about getting checks out to families, it's about getting shots into arms too. a big part of it is with us because we're working to make sure there's support for transit agencies. you think about the hit that transit agencies took. amtrak, their ridership fell so revenue fell and they were having to cut routes. they're already in the process of adding routes back thanks to the american rescue plan. that's one example of what the president's action today will do. we're thankful to congress for passing it, and i'm so glad the president was able to get it done. >> jimmy: secretary, where do you stand on self-driving cars? have you been in one? do you see that as something that's going to happen?

if so, when will it be very common? >> we don't know yet. the real answer is, as soon as the technology is ready and as soon as we know that it's safe. there's a ton of potential and there's a ton of possibility. but for the last 100 years as a country, we've been making sure cars are safe based on the basic assumption that somebody's going to be driving it. so we've got to make sure that it works, that it can work in different conditions. but there is a ton of possibility. it could really change the way we relate to cars, because if the car can come pick you up, it may become more of a service instead of a thing that most of us own. and that in turn means you don't need as many parking lots. family finances would be different if you only pay for using a car instead of owning one. that's probably still a few years out, but it is something we're actively thinking about and preparing for now. >> jimmy: fox news tomorrow is going to take this clip and say, pete buttigieg wants to take your car out of your garage! [ laughter ] >> nobody's taking your car, but

there's a lot of exciting stuff on the horizon. also electric vehicles. automakers coming up with all-electric vehicles that perform so well. great for the climate. really exciting to see that grow, too. >> jimmy: have you had any discussions about jet packs? because when i was a kid -- [ laughter ] -- we were promised, i feel, jet packs. i felt that by this time -- somebody told me the year 2021. i believe that will be our primary form of transportation. and i would like one of those. where are we on that? [ laughter ] >> you know what, i will look into it right away. >> jimmy: thank you. you haven't? oh, no. the fact that you haven't worries me. [ laughter ] >> i've been focused on the time zone thing. but we'll get there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes, let's get rid of daylight saving time, then get the jet packs in. thank you again for filling in for me last year. the gang at wetzel's pretzels across the street misses you. [ laughter ] in fact, they miss everybody. >> so bummed i didn't get the job. >> jimmy: secretary pete buttigieg, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, secretary.

we'll be back with adam duritz! >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. ♪ ♪ comfort in the extreme. the lincoln family of luxury suvs. ♪

when it comes to family fun... comfort in the extreme. it's the little things that bring everyone together... and the big ones too. kohl's. how do you top the perfect cup of dunkin' cold brew? with the perfect top of sweet cold foam. for a velvety smoothness you can't top, a taste you can't top, and a feeling that just can't be topped. ♪ sip into a medium chocolate stout cold brew or classic cold brew with sweet cold foam for $3. order ahead plus earn rewards. america runs on dunkin' overspending on a retinol cream? order ahead plus earn rewards. just one jar of olay retinol24 hydrates better than the $100 retinol cream. for smooth, bright skin or your money back. olay. face anything. and try new retinol24 max.

when heartburn takes you by surprise. fight back fast, with new tums naturals. free from artificial flavors and dyes. ♪ya, i got balencies in the bathroom.♪

♪i used to be feening for 'em, dreaming♪ ♪in the classroom.♪ ♪four years later, and my racks blue.♪ ♪and my whole team is seeing green like♪ ♪"yo, she acts too!"♪ ♪and the whole world is conversating 'bout♪ ♪your waistline.♪ ♪and mental health days make you guilty, 'cause♪ ♪you waist time.♪ ♪got a story but i don't know how to pace it.♪ ♪ya, got balencies in the bathroom.♪ ♪starving for affection, someone meet me in♪ ♪the backroom.♪ ♪i'm not insane, it's been a minute.♪ ♪but if we talking 'bout a game,♪ ♪i know i'm 'bout to win it.♪ ♪ 3, 2, 1, go ♪ this easter, share a little surprise. play around with the portrait. and find everything you need to bring a bit more yay to the day for every bunny. ♪ ♪i've got the brains you've got the looks♪ ♪let's make lots of money♪ ♪you've got the brawn♪ ♪i've got the brains♪ ♪let's make lots of♪ ♪uh uh uh♪ ♪oohhh there's a lot of opportunities♪

with allstate, drivers who switched saved over $700. saving is easy when you're in good hands. allstate click or call to switch today.

>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: as we tally a year in lockdown, who better to help us count those days than counting crows? this is the 25th anniversary of their monster album "recovering the satellites," with the very appropriate song "a long december," adam duritz! [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. thank you for having me, man. and happy corona-versary, everybody. ♪ ♪ a long december and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last ♪

♪ i can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin' now the days go by so fast ♪ ♪ and it's one more day up in the canyons and it's one more night in hollywood ♪ ♪ if you think that i could be forgiven i wish you would ♪ ♪ na na na na na na na na na ♪ ♪ the smell of hospitals in winter ♪ ♪ and the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters but no pearls ♪ ♪ all at once you look

across a crowded room to see the way that light attaches to a girl ♪ ♪ a girl a girl a girl a girl ♪ ♪ and it's one more day up in the canyons and it's one more night in hollywood ♪ ♪ if you think you might come to california i think you should ♪ ♪ na na na na na na na na na ♪ ♪ i drove up to hillside manor sometime after 2 a.m. ♪ ♪ and we talked a little while about the year ♪

♪ i guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower ♪ ♪ makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her ♪ ♪ and it's been a long december ♪ ♪ and there is reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last ♪ ♪ i can't remember all the times ♪ ♪ i tried to tell my myself to hold on to these moments as they pass ♪ ♪ and it's one more day up in the canyon and it's one more night in hollywood ♪

♪ it's been so long since i have seen the ocean it's been so long since i have seen the ocean oh oh ♪ ♪ it's been so long since i have seen the ocean yeah ♪ ♪ and i guess i should ♪ ♪ na na na na na na na na na na na na ♪ ♪ na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na ♪

i'm susan and i'm 52

and i live in san francisco, california. i have been a sales and sales management professional my whole career. typical day during a work week is i'm working but first always going for a run or going to the gym. i love reading. i love cooking healthy. it's super important to me. i was noticing that i was just having some memory loss. it was really bothering me. so i tried prevagen and it started to work for me. i wish i had taken prevagen five or ten years ago. prevagen. healthier brain. better life. >> jimmy: i want to thank joel mchale, secretary pete buttigieg and adam duritz. apologies to matt damon. we did run out of time for him. "nightline" is next. wear your mask, wash your hands, get your shots and one day, we can be together again. thanks for watching, goodnight.

tonight, nurses traveling from hot zone to hot zone fighting covid across america. >> so this is my home for the next month or so. i'm in arizona. >> we take you inside a year-long battle against a new and deadly disease. >> today is day 12 of 20-something, i lost count. >> answering desperate calls for help while risking their own lives. >> today, actually, we were short because more nurses are sick. >> finding strength in faith and family. >> i always tell myself that i only know how strong i am when all i have to be is strong. >> this special edition of "nightline," "hero strong," will be right back. plaque psorias.