stay tuned now for chris rock >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- chris rock. samira wiley. and music from morray. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everybody. hi, there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you. thank you for watching. thanks. i appreciate it, thanks. you know -- i want to mention something. because my day, this morning, i got off to kind of a strange start this morning. i was on the internet. i was thinking about buying something and the website i was on, before i watched the demonstration video, which didn't work, by the way, before i was able to watch it, it required me to hold down the button to "prove you're a human," it said. and i felt like saying "screw you." i have to prove i'm a human?

you're a website! [ laughter ] who's in charge here? this is how it goes. we're all worried the robots are going to chain us up. the truth is, when the singularity happens, they're not going to enslave us with artificial intelligence. they're just going to annoy the hell out of us. [ laughter ] you know what i'm saying, guillermo? >> guillermo: yeah, yeah, a little bit, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you. i guess we have bigger problems to worry about. according to the epa, the forecast for climate change is impending doom. wildfires are getting bigger. heat waves are more frequent. oceans are warmer. floods are more common. jeff bezos is building a vacation home on mars. [ laughter ] these are all very bad signs for the human race. i looked in the sky this morning and saw a seagull on fire. [ laughter ] the problem with climate change, and getting people to take it seriously, is that it's a slow-moving emergency. it's like there's a freight train coming at us at, like, one mile an hour. and we're like, "oh, it's so far away, it's going so slow." but it's coming.

and i've not ever been hit by a train. but i feel like it would hurt more to get run over by a slow one. you know? [ laughter ] we learned more today about that ransomware attack that shut down the colonial oil pipeline. which was the reason for the run on gasoline. you may have read, russian hackers demanded $5 million in ransom money to release the pipeline from their clutches. apparently they got it. the colonial pipeline company said they didn't pay the ransom, but reportedly they did pay the ransom. apparently the hackers sent them an email that said we took control of your webcam and have a video of you playing with your pipe. [ laughter ] we know what kind of movies you're watching. so they were like, here's the money! so let that be a lesson to all you russian cyber thieves. if you mess with america, you will get $5 million. [ laughter and applause ] now that the pipeline is back up and running, a gas crisis has been averted, at least for the time being. but we have a shortage of dipping sauce. [ laughter ]

if you need any more evidence that republicans can't find a good reason to complain about joe biden, how about this? because of covid-related supply problems, chick-fil-a is running low on dipping sauce. they are now limiting the number of sauce packets to one per customer. which led texas' top chik-fil-a-hole to tweet, "joe biden is destroying america." [ laughter ] that's right. he's killing us one zesty buffalo at a time! [ laughter ] poor ted cruz. still looking for something to distract us from fleeing to cancun. [ laughter ] and by the way, if you're looking for a president to blame for a dipping sauce shortage -- this is your guy! [ laughter and applause ] the orange one. big news out of the cdc today. >> today, cdc is updating our guidance for fully vaccinated people. anyone who is fully vaccinated can participate in indoor and outdoor activities, large or small, without wearing a mask or physical distancing. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: that's very -- that's great news. i mean, really. now i only have to wear a mask for travel, and sex. [ laughter ] unfortunately, there is no way to know who is vaccinated and who isn't. and the majority of the population still isn't. which means we'll be relying on people who aren't responsible enough to get vaccinated to be responsible enough to wear masks. sounds like a solid plan. but desperate times call for desperate measures. in ohio, demand for the vaccine is down. so the governor, mike dewine, is pulling out all the stops. launching something called the "vax-a-million" lottery game. >> on may 26th, we'll announce the winner of a separate drawing for adults, adults who have received at least their first dose of the vaccine. this announcement will occur each wednesday for five weeks. and the winner each wednesday will receive $1 million. >> jimmy: that's him in a wig

doing sign language for himself, by the way. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: the winner gets $1 million every week. sounds great. but you know somebody's going to get vaccinated like 40 times to try to increase their odds. [ laughter ] starting on may 18 in ohio, all vaccinated 12 to 17-year-olds will be able to register for a chance to win four-year scholarships that cover tuition, room, board, and books at the ohio state university of their choice. which, i don't know, if i got a scholarship when i was 12, if i won a scholarship that guaranteed me four years of college, i'd never study again. [ laughter ] geometry? no, thanks, i'm going to kent state already. can you imagine being in a country like india right now where people all around you are dying because they don't have the vaccine? we're over here begging and bribing people to get it, like we're trying to convince a 4-year-old to eat his broccoli nuggets. it really is ridiculous. many of those who don't trust the vaccine are worried about fertility issues thanks to some not-too-bright people, who, for whatever reason, come up with

these cockamamie misinformation campaigns. one of the "you'll have a miscarriage if you stand next to a vaccinated person" crowd is a website called "natural news" which has been banned from facebook. and their source for this "information" is, get ready, this north face hoodie-wearing chiropractor named "doctor" steven baker, who is very concerned about your health. >> i am not willing to watch somebody who made a poor decision and got the shot stand next to a young female in my office and risk the chance of her becoming infertile. [ laughter ] it's not happening on my watch. >> jimmy: he's saying you can get infected from vaccinated people standing next to you. and the chiropractor knows this because something weird is going on in his office. >> all i know is when i ask the females in my office, they are all having -- not all, 80%, are having weird female cycles. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay.

let's put how insanely creepy it is that you're going around your office, asking your female employees about their cycles aside. [ laughter ] let's focus on the numbers here. 80%? we did a search, a google street view for his office. this is his office. [ laughter ] they're in a strip mall in idaho next to an allstate insurance. how many women could he possibly have working in that office? five? i'd bet it's five. sounds like science to me! >> when you get the jab, you create a situation where your body is literally a spike protein factory. let's talk about the size of a cell. you can't see it. if i were to pile up millions of them, they'd be like this big. viruss are smaller than cells. spike proteins, i don't know. are they smaller? nobody knows. >> jimmy: nobody knows! i bet somebody knows. in fact, on the line we have dr. melissa mcguinness, who is of the molecular and biomedical sciences department at the university of maine. [ cheers and applause ]

dr. mcguinness, thank you for joining us. can you answer this question? do you know how big spike proteins are? >> yes, approximately bring nanometers in size. >> jimmy: okay, you do know how big they are? >> yes. >> jimmy: okay. >> we know a great deal about spike proteins. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: great. thanks, dr. mcguinness, bye, appreciate it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well. somebody knows. what we don't know is if this "doctor" baker who so many people are listening to is really a doctor. fortunately, he has a section of his website titled "am i a real doctor?" always a good sign. [ laughter ] you know when you get your car fixed and they have a sign that says, "am i a real mechanic?" he explains he's qualified to speak about the vaccines because he's studied them over 100 hours post graduate. 100 hours. assuming he studied 8:00 to 5:00 on weekdays, that's two weeks. [ laughter ] that's enough, right? i think eric clapton learned to play guitar in two weeks, right?

[ laughter ] "doctor" baker has a bachelor's degree in exercise science. [ laughter ] he's basically a gym teacher. you've decided not to get the vaccine because the only teacher at the school who wears a whistle told you not to. very well done. [ cheers and applause ] as of today, children ages 12 to 15 are eligible to get the pfizer vaccine. which obviously may cause some anxiety because a lot of kids are scared to get shots. so as a public service, we came up with -- i don't know if you can use the word created. we did create a new mascot who i think is going to put your kids at ease. ladies and gentlemen, please say hello to maxine the vaccine! [ cheers and applause ] oh there -- i was -- honestly, i was expecting a woman. where's maxine? >> maxine died. >> jimmy: she died? >> yeah, she got covid and died. >> jimmy: oh my god, that's terrible. who are you? >> i'm scott! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: scott? scott the shot? >> no. just scott.

>> jimmy: okay. [ laughter ] well, scott, a lot of young people out there might be nervous about getting their pfizer shots. why don't you go ahead and put them at ease and tell them about it? >> i could tell them about it. or i could sing them about it! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yes. do that, then. ladies and gentlemen, scott! ♪ ♪ you know to keep your distance ♪ ♪ scrub your hands up nice and clean ♪ ♪ but i'm here to teach ya something about covid vaccines ♪ ♪ they use mrna which is a-ok ♪ ♪ but i read on facebook that stuff will turn you gay ♪ ♪ that blog post was right the doctors are nuts ♪ ♪ bill gates put a microchip up your parents' butts ♪ >> jimmy: hold on a second, hold on a second, hold on.

[ laughter ] [ applause ] scott, you can't say that stuff, that's disinformation. >> it's my opinion. you can't tell me what my opinion is. >> jimmy: bill gates microchipping your parents' butts is not an opinion. >> you're right. it's a fact! what are you hiding, kimmel? show us what's up your butt! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm not going to show you, there's nothing in there. these are lies you're spreading. dangerous lies you're spreading. the vaccines are very safe and you're scaring kids now. >> can i do the rap part of my song? >> jimmy: no. i would prefer that you didn't but thank you -- ♪ >> jimmy: no -- i -- okay. >> when i say "dark lord," you say "fauci!" dark lord! >> fauci! >> dark lord! >> fauci! >> dark lord! >> fauci! >> dark lord! >> fauci! >> you like vaccines? here's your vaccine, jimmy! >> jimmy: no, thank you. that's all right. >> open your eyes, kids! the letter of the day is q! q! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so get your shots, kids, that's the moral to the story. and one more thing. it is thursday night and time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not.

it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." [ cheers and applause ] >> for the first time in over a year, people will actually be allowed to [ bleep ] each other, though it should be done cautiously. >> when kamala harris and her husband [ bleep ]ed the other day while wearing masks, they were giving you a preview of your daughter's wedding. >> if i was in the classroom, i had a few minutes, i'd pull out my [ bleep ]. >> i can tell you myself i [ bleep ], [ bleep ] monday morning. i've already had to [ bleep ], [ bleep ] five times. >> no more regulations, no more taxes. everybody [ bleep ] the big [ bleep ] and let's see what we can do. >> i [ bleep ] my first [ bleep ] at emilio esteves's birthday party. >> have your cake and eat it too, long john silver's, [ bleep ] yeah. >> [ bleep ]ing in the mirror. >> yeah, that's it. [ cheers and applause ]

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: tonight, from "the handmaid's tale" on hulu. samira wiley is here. then later, making his network television debut. he's apple music's up next artist. his album is called "street sermons." music from morray. [ cheers and applause ] next week, we've got new shows with shaquille o'neal, don cheadle, patton oswalt, ryan seacrest, gabrielle union and dwyane wade, with music from chase rice, royal blood, lake street dive, and counting crows.

[ cheers and applause ] please join us for all of that. it's like two weeks of shows. our first guest tonight is a brilliantly talented man. he will make you laugh very hard and scare the bejesus out of you too. his new movie "spiral: from the book of saw" opens in theaters tomorrow. please welcome chris rock. [ cheers and applause ] hey, chris. >> hey! how are you? . >> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm okay, jimmy. just -- you know. happy to take the pamper off the front of my face. >> jimmy: i know, right? it's great. really, i was thinking about it. of course, when you travel, you still have to keep it on, but it seems like for almost everything else, if you're vaccinated, you can have it all. >> yeah, i'm vaxed, two shots rock, that's what they call me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: nice. >> two shots rock. i had a pamper on my face because i talk a lot of [ bleep ], jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so i've heard, so i've heard. i'm curious. wearing a mask, did you -- was there anything you liked about it?

>> you know what's weird? it was -- i got to be not famous for a whole year. >> jimmy: yeah. right? yes. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and how did you -- >> it sucked! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it sucked. >> why the hell would anybody not be famous? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: can i tell you something? >> i had to wait on line for things. you should see the ugly women i was dating while i was not famous. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you really went for it. did you see sandler get kicked out of that ihop? >> i know, i know. that's what those masks do, they don't know who it was. they thought it was rob schneider. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know, i was wearing the mask and i thought, this is kind of great, i can go in the drugstore, i can buy embarrassing medications again. >> yes! >> jimmy: i don't have to think about it. then i noticed people are like kind of unfriendly. and i thought, oh, well.

it's because of covid. then it went on and on and on. oh, people are not that nice. i was like, oh -- people are only nice because they recognize me from tv. [ laughter ] >> yes, yes. but with the mask, i go into the drugstore, i'm like, my balls itch! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that your new apartment? looks like work is being done there. >> yes, my new spot. my new spot. >> jimmy: is it true that you've never lived in the city before, in new york? >> i -- like not full-time. i've been -- i've had like little offices and stuff like that. but now i'm like here! >> jimmy: i see why are you were at the comedy cellar last month, you did a couple of spots there, right? >> i did some spots when they opened up, i did a couple of things with dave. i was with mulaney last night, i opened for him last night. >> jimmy: how did that go? >> that went really good, it was really good. >> jimmy: that would be a lot of fun. are people showing up, packing it like they always did? >> people are showing up. every now and then somebody

dies. but we keep the show going. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know, i was reading last night a story about you in "esquire." the writer was writing about the fact that you've kept a journal for a long time, since you were young, like 35 plus years or something like that. every day you write down what happened in the day or whatever. >> i write down, in case the police ever try to frame me -- [ laughter ] i have evidence of where i was at the time. >> jimmy: how often do you consult it to see, what was i doing 15 years ago on this day? >> i look at it for jokes. i kind of look at it for jokes. sometimes it's hard because i change my name and a bunch of names because if somebody finds it, i'm busted. [ laughter ] i change my own name. nobody needs to know i had sex with mrs. garrett from "facts of life." [ laughter ] nobody can go there. >> jimmy: how detail dodd you get? will this make the journal

tonight? >> you always make the journal. >> jimmy: oh, really? [ cheers and applause ] that's great, i love to be a part of the journal. it's my dream to be in your journal. has anyone ever violated your privacy and read the journal? >> oh, please. if you've been with a woman for five years, she knows the code to your phone, and she's read everything you've written down. >> jimmy: i see, i gotcha. are you like dating? are you on an app or anything like that? meeting people? >> yeah. i mean, you know. i'm trying. i'm trying, you know. it's never the ones you want, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, why don't you announce a list of the ones you want, then maybe they'll watch this on youtube tomorrow and call you. >> it's never the ones you want. you know. i go out. you know. >> jimmy: are you confident? i know -- you appear to be a very confident guy. but when it comes to dating and giving somebody your phone number or whatever, are you confident? >> no. i mean, now, because of all the "me too" stuff, i never make the first move.

>> jimmy: oh, really? >> ever. >> jimmy: you think that protects you in some way? >> you got to ask for this p[ b. [ laughter ] i'm telling you right now. you got to request this. >> jimmy: i think you should write that on the cover of the journal. [ laughter ] >> yeah. i got a tattoo. "you got to ask for this [ bleep ]." >> jimmy: you made this horror movie. apparently -- i learned about you, you love horror movies, yes? >> i do love horror movies. >> jimmy: you loved the "saw" series and you thought, i'd like to make a movie in the "saw" series. >> yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. >> jimmy: you went to the "saw" people. there are "saw" people, i guess? >> yeah, johnny saw, the saw family. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and you said, did you say, i have an idea? or, i just want to do something in the series? >> i said, i have an idea, i

like your series, have you ever considered adding some humor into it? sprinkling it in? >> jimmy: had they ever considered that? >> no. they hadn't considered it. and, you know -- i saw the i sa wedding, i kind of mentioned it, three weeks later i had this meeting. here we are. now i'm on the jimmy kimmel show. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow, you really made it. >> i made it! i made it! >> jimmy: and this is -- >> hey, you know what we did this year, you and i? >> jimmy: what did we do? go through. >> we didn't host the oscars! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. we sure didn't. >> wasn't me! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i know, it was real weird, feeling of relief to have not been involved in that at all. >> when you're home -- i was like a back seat driver. i was like -- like my father

used to say, "brake, brake!" i was like, "joke, joke!" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's weird. in a way it's like the opposite of your conversation with the people at "saw." you're like, have you ever considered adding some humor into the "saw" series? someone must have gone to the oscars and said, have you ever considered subtracting all the humor from the oscars? [ laughter ] >> they did a good job. if that was what they went for. >> jimmy: when we come back, we'll see a clip from the movie chris will probably now not get nominated for next oscars," spiral: from the book of saw." be right back with chris rock. >> portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by chime. join the millions of members and get started today at chime.com. cosentyx can help you look and feel better by treating the multiple symptoms of psoriatic arthritis. don't use if you're allergic to cosentyx. before starting, get checked for tuberculosis.

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you okay? hey! help! >> jimmy: don't do it, chris! [ cheers and applause ] that is "spiral: from the book of saw." chris rock. it opens in theaters tomorrow. chris, do you think a human being could saw through his own

arm? >> i mean -- i was on a date last week -- [ laughter ] and i could have sawed through my own head. this girl was so dumb. oh my god. oh, god. go home and hug your wife, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she's right here, i can do it right now. >> hug your wife. >> jimmy: have you been handcuffed before that scene? >> i've been handcuffed -- yeah, because -- well, i'm black, jimmy. [ laughter ] so i have been handcuffed. >> jimmy: were you involved in the -- >> have you ever had chicken, chris? [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: that was my next question, actually. i'll take that as a yes. >> i have been handcuffed. >> jimmy: were you at all involved in -- because i've got to tell you something, i'll be honest, i have not seen the movie and i will not see the

movie. i enjoy you, i love you, i think you were great in "fargo." >> oh, you watch those scary oscars. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i did watch that. i do have to say it's just too scary for me. i don't know what it is about me. i don't know if it means i'm mature or immature, but i don't watch scary movies. you love these scary movies. i don't feel that same way. >> dude, it's like when you're in a theater, it's right next to laughter. when you're in a theater and like the whole theater gets scared and they jump back at the same time? it's kind of fly, man. >> jimmy: yeah, i can understand that, i just don't -- it just -- i went to see "the amityville horror" when i was a teenager. it really was one of the worst nights of my whole life. i was up all night hearing the words "get out!" of course, it was my cousin steven in the next bed saying get out over and over again. did you go when you were a kid? would you go to these movies? >> i couldn't wait till "the amityville horror." i was a little, little kid i remember seeing "the omen."

that was the scariest one. >> jimmy: oh, god, yes. >> it was a devil kid. it was like, i know kids, maybe he's the devil! you know? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now all kids in our movies are the devil too. >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: never trust a kid in a horror movie. >> that's why that guy's so mean to me in school, he's the devil! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: who would you see these movies with, like "the omen"? >> weird thing is my father would take us to the movies. you ever go to movies and you're like, why did this grown person have these kids in an r-rated movie? that would be my father. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, really. >> tell my mother we're going to see snoopy, next thing we're at "godfather ii." >> jimmy: did he take you to dirty movies too or just the violent and scary movies? >> no, no, those were in the house, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the movie opens in theaters tomorrow. are you going to go to a theater and see it? >> i am going to go to a

theater, i can't wait to go to a theater. >> jimmy: that will be fun. you should pick the perfect tense moment, maybe bring a chainsaw, cut through the movie screen, and just leap out at the audience. [ laughter ] that would be something people would never forget. >> i might do that, i might do that. >> jimmy: sam jackson's in the movie with you. >> yes. >> jimmy: have you ever been invited on sam and magic johnson's annual yacht trip to italy? [ laughter ] >> no. i'm not black enough, jimmy. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: do you think that's the reason why? because i've been jockeying to get on that trip for like seven or eight years now. >> me too, me too. you've got to be really rich to get on that boat. >> jimmy: yeah. you think that's what it is? i know anthony anderson went. he's not that rich. >> think about it. sam's 70. he's in the best shape of any 70-year-old person in the world. >> jimmy: it's crazy, 70, right. >> magic got hiv, and he can kick all our ass. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: yeah. he has made a mockery of hiv, you agree? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: yes. >> they're on some other -- they can't let you see what they're doing. >> jimmy: ah, that's what it is! they've got secrets they don't want to reveal. >> yes. >> jimmy: that is great. all right. i haven't seen the movie, but i'm really good at pretending that i did. so i will say, this is a great movie, people should go see it. [ laughter ] this is one of chris' best, one of the best things you've ever done, chris. >> it is. it is, thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: chris, i love having you on, thank you so much. "spiral: from the book of saw." go see it in a theater, as god intended us to do. it opens tomorrow. chris rock, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with samira wiley! who don't need to travel to find something new. who know where to escape, even just for a moment. who don't need a fortune to find a gem. and who know when you spend less,

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>> jimmy: music from morray is on the way. our next guest is an emmy-winning actress who last night, left fans open-mouthed in the green glow of the hulu logo after an explosive cliffhanger on "the handmaid's tale." new episodes come out every wednesday. please welcome samira wiley! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. well, thanks for coming. i'm glad you're here. we've not met before, but you

did meet guillermo at the emmys. >> guillermo: hi, good to see you again. >> jimmy: do you remember that at all? >> i do remember that. i will always remember that. >> jimmy: there was tequil involved, as i recall? >> there was tequila involved, yes, there was. >> jimmy: yeah. >> that night will stick in my head, not only because i won -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's a good reason. >> that's a very good reason. another crazy reason is, so i'm on the way to the emmys. i'm in the car, very excited. was presenting that night as well. and we're about halfway there. and my wife says to me, you got the tickets, right? i said, uh, nope. [ laughter ] and i was like, i'm fine. you know, i'm presenting. i'm nominated. my publicist calls just to make sure everything is fine. they're like, uh-uh, no. >> jimmy: who was? the emmys? >> yeah, the emmys were like, no, you can't get in without the tickets. >> jimmy: what? >> so -- we had to go all the way back. >> jimmy: really? >> call my stylist. and he's like, well, you have to

make the carpet, because we need pictures of your outfit. because they give you the outfit just so you can take the pictures. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right, right. >> so we're racing. we get back. >> jimmy: what? >> to the carpet. i'm like, all right, we're here. crickets, jimmy. there is -- i mean, people are picking up trash on the carpet. i missed everything. and there were no pictures. and finally we get in there. and there are people saving our seats. and one of the women saving our seats had a dress full of glitter. so the seat that my wife was supposed to sit in -- full of glitter. just full of glitter. so we don't want her to sit in the glitter. >> jimmy: oh. >> and they put her in the back. and i'm waving to her, like hey, how you doing? i can see you, hey! we end up trying to get her a towel. they come out with a white towel for a red seat. >> jimmy: wow. wow, what a mess. this is why i always carry a

fanny pack and a shop vac. [ laughter ] >> got it. >> jimmy: fanny pack for the tickets, shop vac in case glitter gets anywhere, i suck it right up, no problem at all. something to think about for the next awards show. >> you know what, yes, yes. >> jimmy: then you won. so in a way maybe it was like -- it was like, you know, you were setting yourself up for something exciting at the end. >> that's one way to think about it. finally, because i won, got the pictures. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, that's right. yeah. that's a big thing. i think it's a weird thing. it's such a weird thing that most people don't know about. yeah, you can wear this dress but you have to be photographed in it. then they have to put our name, the person who made the dress. >> jimmy: yes, yes. >> it's so strange. to be in the position to possibly not do that was very terrifying. >> jimmy: yeah, right. what would they do to you? make you pay for it? >> they would probably just not let me wear clothes ever again. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you'd have to go

naked. >> i wouldn't be invited to any carpets, emmy or otherwise. but i made it. >> jimmy: you made it. [ cheers and applause ] that was a couple of years ago. i want to say congratulations because you and your wife have a baby now. xrp [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how long ago did you have the baby? >> 4 1/2 weeks ago. >> jimmy: 4 1/2 weeks. you've got a lot going on in your house. >> yes. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you posted on instagram, march 6th, you wrote, i have a secret. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: was the baby the secret? >> see -- jimmy, the baby was not the secret. >> jimmy: the baby was not the secret. >> this is a window into who i am as a person. i hadn't even thought about the baby when i posted the secret. it was about "the handmaid's tale." [ laughter ] because it was coming out soon. and i was really excited about the season. i posted it. and tit. she was like, i thought we decided that we weren't going to

post about the baby. i'm like, what? she's like, you posted about the baby. no, i didn't post about the baby! so i had to go and do damage control. i'm going through my emails. i think they sent me a video of "the handmaid's tale," we've got to post that right immediately after. found it, posted it. every single comment was about, we was going to have a baby. >> jimmy: yeah. then -- yeah, you did. and then you did have a baby, but in a way, you delivered. [ laughter ] look at it that way. it wasn't just promotional, you really did have a secret. your baby -- daughter, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: you named her george? >> that is her name, yes. >> jimmy: george is her name. why george for a girl? >> people are very confused. some people. by it. >> jimmy: i like when a girl has -- i was explaining to my son, billy, last night that sometimes girls are also named billy, using billie eilish as an example. he had no idea what i was talking about. [ laughter ] >> really? we've got to teach the new

generation about this. because i really wish that i had some really in-depth story to opnt people about gege, 's really cute,mat tnt i an i ted to do some research. in the 1800s, it was a girl's name, but people don't believe me when i say that. you know. >> jimmy: yeah, well now -- there are girls named george. i've heard of girls named george. >> nancy drew, her best friend's name was george. you read that? >> jimmy: no. >> me neither. [ laughter ] somebody told me. >> jimmy: never read it, i was more "the hardy boys." >> i just don't read books. >> jimmy: the big surprise anyway turned out to be last night. that was really the big surprise. >> yeah. >> jimmy: the big secret, rather. >> yes, big cliffhanger. >> jimmy: i don't want to ruin for anybody who hasn't watched the show yet, so i'm not going to talk about what it was. but what i do think is interesting is that it's a cliffhanger. >> yes. >> jimmy: we have to wait a week to see what happens next week. that almost never happens

anymore. >> right. >> jimmy: we don't have cliffs anymore. >> i know. honestly, because everyone binge watches, right? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i honestly think that this is the best show to not binge watch. >> jimmy: i agree with you. >> i mean, it's really masochism if you sit there and binge watch "the handmaid's tale." the things that you have to experience and go through. i'm like, sit down, draw yourself a bath, think about it. maybe go talk to somebody for a week. and just wait. okay? >> jimmy: digest, digest. >> we force that on you. the waiting. you know? >> jimmy: yeah, what if we ate all our meals for the week on sunday? >> crazy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you wouldn't do that. >> i'd be really full. >> jimmy: yeah, right. so we have a clip here for next week's show. if you're a big fan, you haven't seen the show, close your eyes for exactly 19 second is. this is an exclusive, this is a big exclusive, even bigger than the baby. [ laughter ] this is from next week's episode

of "the handmaid's tale." >> we're not going to find janine, she's probably dead. if you stay here, you're going to die too. june! boat! now! >> wait no no! >> no, don't make me leave you again! please. you've got to go come with me. you've got to come back. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: see? we could have handled that all in one. space that sort of thing out. it's great to see you. congratulations on the lil one. "the handmaid's tale." new episodes on hulu every wednesday. samira wiley, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] thank you, samira. be back with morray! this is my body of proof. proof of less joint pain and clearer skin. proof that i can fight psoriatic arthritis... ...with humira. humira targets and blocks a specific source of inflammation that contributes to both joint and skin symptoms.

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in the snow ♪ ♪ woe, man it was brick dude never killed ain't gone lie ♪ ♪ i was tempted he was the target ♪ ♪ but he lucky that i missed it ♪ ♪ i was always messing up was a misfit ♪ ♪ my opportunity was knocking and i missed it ♪ ♪ young when i hopped off the stoop ♪ ♪ two doors what i floor if i hop in the coupe ♪ ♪ too sore from a war where i couldn't lose ♪ ♪ got scars and bruises man i got the proof ♪ ♪ resemble young steele cause i got the juice ♪ ♪ you think you tupac let omar epps loose ♪ ♪ stepping on necks with my timberland boots ♪ ♪ i'm planted i'm stable i'm growing in roots ♪ ♪ since a jit stood tall with a kickstand ♪ ♪ thinking of a plan to get quick bands ♪ ♪ falling in deep with the quicks ♪ ♪ and flag out my butt no quick brand ♪ ♪ i was packing on the pounds got my weight up ♪ ♪ had beef on the streets had to stay up ♪ ♪ betty crocker showed me how to bake a cake brah ♪ ♪ doing that put everything i love at stake brah ♪ ♪ since a jit stood tall with a kickstand ♪ ♪ thinking of a plan to get quick bands ♪ ♪ falling in deep with the quicks ♪ ♪ and flag out my no quick brand ♪ ♪ i was packing on the pounds got my weight up ♪ ♪ had beef on the streets had to stay up ♪ ♪ betty crocker showed me how to bake a cake brah ♪ ♪ doing that put everything i love at stake brah ♪

♪ ♪ it's crazy how the money makes the lies feel like the truth ♪ ♪ and everybody phony you just do not have the proof ♪ ♪ i jot it on my pad and record it in a booth ♪ ♪ i don't need a shrink just press record and let me loose ♪ ♪ i'm tryna separate all these emotions that i'm guarded with ♪ ♪ i'm getting mixed emotions from the people that i started with ♪ ♪ feeling like it's fake love only for the sponsorships ♪ ♪ scratch em off the dean's list ♪ ♪ cancel all the scholarships ♪ ♪ i can't let you use me flattery don't move me ♪ ♪ say action they capping like acting in movies ♪ ♪ fake stuff i hate it 'cause i give the true me ♪ ♪ it's sad when there grown men who act like the groupies ♪ ♪ i can feel these dudes hating ♪ ♪ tummy ache because they snaking ♪ ♪ crawling on the belly undercut for information ♪ ♪ man these dudes super different ♪ ♪ they gon' make me come and shake em ♪ ♪ kick em off the court and call the sixth man to replace 'em ♪ ♪ i'm a mother ♪ ♪ i'm a honest to god bully like a killer but adjacent ♪ ♪ 'cause i don't gotta shoot you to show you i ain't playing ♪ ♪ got the big devil horns love the lord but can be satan ♪

♪ leave a man stanking then febreze the situation ♪ ♪ it's crazy how the money makes the lies feel like the truth ♪ ♪ and everybody phony you just do not have the proof ♪ ♪ i jot it on my pad and record it in booth ♪ ♪ i don't need a shrink just press record and let me loose ♪ ♪ i'm tryna separate all these emotions that i'm guarded with ♪ ♪ i'm getting mixed emotions from the people that i started with ♪ ♪ feeling like it's fake love only for the sponsorships ♪ ♪ scratch em off the dean's list ♪ ♪ cancel all the scholarships ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: what a night. thanks to chris rock, samira wiley, morray. apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next. thanks for watching. if you're bored tonight, i'll be getting it done with my breakdance crew on the corner of santa monica and gower. a little break dancing, you know how it goes. thanks for watching, good night.

♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, the helping hands. racing to save lives in india. we're at the sikh community, an often persecuted minority in the country now on the front lines of the pandemic. >> day and night, we are open 24/7. we don't charge anything. we give them food, give them water. everything they need. sacrifice. >> everyone is joining hands because this is a need. >> searching for accountability. plus going maskless? the cdc changes its guidance. what fully vaccinated people can now do. [sfx: thunder rumbles] [sfx: rainstorm]