this is "nightline." tonight, power in her music. the queen of hip-hop and soul, mary j. blige just trying to be happy, her junior tow nine grammys fraught with depression and pain and how her admirers became her savior. >> i had to make a choice and i chose my fans and my life. >> american idol, once a teen heart throb, the crush singer now trying to reconcile his sexuality with his faith. >> i was questioning if god was real because i couldn't feel anything. and here i have done everything that i can to try to be close to

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icon wasn't easy. she had to find a way to live and to learn to love herself. >> reporter: fill in the blank for me, today mary j. blige is. >> strong. >> reporter: dubbed the queen of hip-hop soul, mary j. blige is one of the most defining voices of our era. her chart-topping hits like "family affair" and "be without you" make her one of the most influential and acclaimed r and b artists with more than 15 million albums sold, blige shares a love with her fans worldwide. but her journey to super stardom was a difficult one, fraught with insecurity, pain, depression and abuse. >> i was bouncing, trying to survive. singing for my life, literally.

trying to get all of this stuff out of me and hoping it got out of me. >> reporter: her story is the subject of a new and eye-opening amazon original documentary "my life" centered around her 1994 album of the same name. >> it is probably my darkest album at one of the darkest times that i had. >> reporter: what do you think people will learn in the documentary they didn't know about you before? >> they will learn i am human. i am not going to allow people to take my freedom. the only freedom i have is freedom to move around the way i want to, say what i want to and not let you put me in a box. >> reporter: hers is a freedom hard fought and earned. born in the bronx and raised my a single mother, blige had a rough childhood. as a young girl she was sexually abused and discussed the

incident in 2011. >> when i was five years old, i was molested. i remember feeling right before it happened i could not believe this person was going to do this to me. >> reporter: her mother moved the family to yonkers where blige said there was little opportunity. salvation came in the form of music. >> singing was an escape for me. singing made me forget that we were struggling so much. it just made me forget that i was going through what i was going through, even as a little girl, i had insecurities. i was always blue and sad, but singing made me feel free. that is what i had. that is what i held on to. ♪ ♪

>> reporter: inspired by aretha franklin's "everybody loves the sunshine," blige found her sunshine by blending soul music with hip-hop. releasing her debut album in 1992 at the age of 21, titled what's the 411. the album and the gritty, honest lyrics along with her genuine persona was inspirational to so many, especially young black girls who finally felt represented. >> she gave us a face, name, story. she humanized us. >> she was like i'm here. i am beautiful. and i am hip-hop. but i am mary. i am bringing all of yonkers with me. good, bad, whatever. i am mary. this is what i am doing. it was so great for us to see this authentic black woman.

>> i started to feel good with about who i am, being rougher around the edges and having a stronger point of view. >> reporter: blige said she felt great pain and hurt inside and in the documentary she said her then relationship with casey hailey eventually turned dark. >> i had to physically fight for my life a lot. just like my mom, i am a fighter. my mom had to suffer a lot of physical abuse as well and as a girl, i saw her, this little woman fighting. >> to mask much of her pain she turned to drugs and alcohol, continuing to fall deeper into depression and oftentimes not caring whether she lived or died. these feelings and experiences were chronicled in her second album, my life featuring songs

like "i'm going down." >> this album was an anthem for so many people, and particularly women struggling in relationships with family, through trauma. what does it mean to you to have it received that way? >> it means so much to have it received that way. because when i was writing it and singing it, i didn't think anybody cared or anybody in the world was like me. i didn't think the album would do anything. people always say the album saved my life, which is scary because i was trying to save my own life. >> reporter: is there a point you can look back on and say that is when i know i was better. >> around the no more drama album. where i felt some kind of release. that is when i said i'm sick and tired of feeling like i want to die. i was still living. i had to make a choice between

life and death. i chose my fans. i chose my life. >> you have been tested. you have been tried. and you have been proven. >> reporter: what would you tell the young mary, 27 years ago struggling through such a dark time? >> man, if she would listen. >> reporter: why do you say that? >> the young mary did not listen to anything anybody had to say. if she would listen i would say stop being afraid of you. you are going to touch more people. that is what is scary. you don't know what that is. you are touching the world. people are coming up to you saying that your album saved your life. that is creepy to a child. so, that feeling is actually there. and i would say embrace that. that is you. don't be afraid.

that thing you are afraid of is you. >> reporter: life today is more than fine for the grammy award winning singer and songwriter. she has taken her talents to the silver screen, appearing in "rock of ages" and the netflix film for which she received two oscar nominations for best supporting actress and best original song. when you look back on your life after all of these years, is there that self love that is just like i am doing it. i am going to keep doing it. >> there is a self love where you lay down and say i love you. i got you. >> reporter: all you have been through is a testament to what this journey is and the healing. what is that like to you, knowing you are a masterpiece, but you are still a work in progress? >> it is beautiful. and the most amazing part is

that it is not done yet. there is still so much healing, you know, i am still in the healing process, but the heaviness of it is gone. >> the documentary "my life" premiering june 25th on amazon. up next, former american idol david archleta, not waiting on the world to change. ♪ ♪ what's the #1 retinol brand used most by dermatologists? tah-dah, it's neutrogena® with derm-proven retinol, rapid wrinkle repair® smooths the look of fine lines in 1-week, deep wrinkles in 4. so you can kiss wrinkles, and other wrinkle creams goodbye. rapid wrinkle repair® pair with our most concentrated retinol ever for 2x the power. neutrogena® i've got moderate to severe plaque psoriasis.

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one of david archleta's more recent hits. the former american idol star has a new album and trying to come to terms with his faith. >> reporter: how would you describe your sexual orientation? >> i would say i do not know, i guess. some form of being bisexual. i am still attracted to both, whether i want to or not. as much as i can. i am starting to accept it and say that is just how it is. >> reporter: singer david archleta is coming out and the 30-year-old says his story is not just about his sexual orientation with how it sits with his faith and church. >> we have been down that road before. and that's over now. >> reporter: archleta grew up an american idol, a teenage star with many girls and a good number of grown women wishing he was theirs with hit songs like

"crush." he says he had a difficult break up with a girlfriend recently and realized he might have been running away from his attraction to the same sex his whole life. >> it got to the point where i felt so guilty, i guess. i did not know why i started to get angry. >> reporter: even though you were up front. >> yeah. i am frustrated that i will be with her and i notice a guy more than my own girlfriend, and i feel a lot of shame in that, and i feel embarrassed. >> reporter: the break up led to this post on instagram where he shared i came out in 2014 as gay to my family but says he has similar feelings for both genders and likely identifies on a spectrum of bisexual. he says in a world that feels black and white, his sexuality feels very gray. but his biggest challenge and

the reason he is being so open is his christian faith. he still prays before every meal and led us in prayer before the interview. the singer remains to the day a devout member of the mormon church of jesus christ latter day saints. >> i was questioning my faith and whether god was real. i could not feel anything. here i did everything that i can to be close to him. the last couple of months, and i guess i was grieving to know that it is something that i had to accept and something i am not going to be able to change. >> do you feel now that the weight has been lifted off of your shoulders? >> yeah. i think i was a lot more scared before. because i always felt like there was something i had to keep to

myself. >> reporter: he is sharing this now because he wants to speak to people on the same journey of discovery and hopes to reach out to people of faith who he thinks can do better for lgbtq friends and family. >> when i hear other people talking about having crushes and all that. i didn't feel any of that. i am figuring out how attracted that i am towards people. i think my guilt would be so heavy i had the same feelings for guys. i was thinking that i must be doing something wrong. >> reporter: did you pray over this? >> you can do all things. you are a god of miracles. i know you allowed the blind to see and had the dead rise again.

i thought if i do everything i am supposed to, maybe he can change me as well. christian and religious culture, you start to believe that. just feeling is wrong. and it is evil. you think i am a goner. >> reporter: he thought it would be better to be in the world than a mistake in god's eyes. >> i am like maybe it is better that i am not here anymore than to live in a way that is not how god would want me to be living. >> reporter: it was in the mormon church he found relief. >> my mission president. >> reporter: authority figure in the church. >> i knew the kind of man that he was and i was always afraid of what a man would think of me to confess that i could have

feelings for other guys. but to know he wasn't afraid of me. he gave me a hug. he did not condemn me or make me feel like i was less than. he made me feel like i was loved. >> reporter: he became a household name during season seven of american idol in 2008. more than 32 million americans tuned into the finale between the two davids. >> david cook. >> archleta would take second place. as a mormon he would serve as a missionary in south america. >> it wasn't until i was on my mission that i finally said out loud that i have feelings for guys. and it was -->> reporter: did you say it to yourself or someone else? >> yeah. i never fully admitted to myself that i was going through that.

i thought that if i just kept it at bay and pushed it away, i thought i was pushing it away. but really i was pushing it down. >> reporter: you know what happens when you push things down. >> yeah. a lot of resentment, anger and a lot of confusion. i am here. all i am doing is teaching people about god and how to pray and i still can't get the feelings away. i am not doing anything to provoke the feelings. why do they keep coming. >> reporter: he still believes in chastity but is not sure if he is saving himself for marriage with a man or a woman and was deeply moved by the coming out story of nfl player carl nassib. >> i want to take a moment to say i am gay. i have been meaning to do it for a while now. >> reporter: the first openly out and active player in the league. >> i really appreciated it. he was willing to discuss it and you know, i feel like he, like

myself, a lot of us do not want to talk about it to say look at me. we want to just help other people in the situation be seen. >> reporter: he is now focusing on a new album and has a children's book coming out soon. he says that he is breathing easier by living in truth, trying to love himself for who he is and not what he thinks he needs to be. >> i do love the aspect of being proud of being who you are. and that is really, you know, the point of my post. to help people feel that love for themselves and to be okay with themselves. coming up, a stampede of dolphins, literally. people everywhere living with type 2 diabetes are waking up to what's possible with rybelsus®. ♪ you are my sunshine ♪

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mind and got quite a show. called the dolphin stampede. scientists are not sure why, but they might be race to catch up to prey or trying to avoid predators, chasing or fleeing. either way it was quite spectacular. and that's "nightline" and watch all of our full episodes on hulu. thanks for staying up with us. good night america.