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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  June 28, 2021 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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tonight. thanks for watching i'm >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, chris pratt, michael cohen, and music from the isley brothers featuring snoop dogg. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you. that's very nice. thank you. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. welcome. [ cheers and applause ] i appreciate it. thanks. sit down. please. relax. i have to say we have safety measures in place. i am still getting used to the masks in the audience. feels like i just woke up in the middle of having surgery and they called in a huge team of medical students. look at how big this guy's liver
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is, you won't believe it. we have 89 visitors in our audience tonight. allvaccinated. [ cheers and applause ] that's the good news. the bad news is you're on hollywood boulevard, home of the untreatable hepatitis. welcome. where spider-men come to die. you got here just in the nick of time. this is my last show before summer vacation tonight. it's been a long year. [ applause ] i need to relax, so i'm going drive a thousand miles with two kids in a winnebago. i will be back after labor day weekend. in the meantime, we've assembled a star-studded roster of guest hosts to fill in for me. and speaking of hosts, i also want to congratulate conan o'brien on 28 years of very funny late night television. [ cheers and applause ] conan wrapped up his show on tbs tonight. you know, before conan, i didn't even know bears could masturbate. did you, guillermo? >> guillermo: no, me neither. >> jimmy: anyway, here's to conan and andy richter. and everyone involved with that show. we look forward to whatever you have planned next at hbo max.
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and also i want to say congratulations to jay leno on his new time slot at tbs. you know, this is -- i don't know if this is how conan did it but this was quite a going away announcement. in louisville, a worker at mcdonald's found a very creative way to hand in his letter of resignation. >> aw mcdonald's employee decided to quit using signs that were posted in the drive-thru window. they posted this sign that says "we are closed because i'm quitting and i hate this job." >> jimmy: you people who ask for extra dipping sauce? you did this. who wouldn't sign a masterpiece like that? we have a good show for you tonight. we have music from the isley brothers and snoop dogg. chris pratt is here in the flesh. and we are going to be joined by donald trump's former lawyer, michael cohen. who is not here in person but he has a good reason for it. you know, we send an e-mail to the staff every morning with information about the show that night, and in 18-plus years of
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doing this this might be the best note about a guest i've ever seen. michael cohen, remote interview, under house arrest. does not even sound like a punishment anymore. after covid it's like hearing someone got sentenced to netflix. michael cohen has a distinctive way of speaking, almost a schwarzenegger-quality to it and he is very animated. so we took some audio from his podcast and we paired it with some animation, specifically an old hanna barbara cartoon. >> matt gaetz, marjorie taylor greene and bows down to donald trump suggests a deeply sick and broken political system. these people are by every stretch of the [ bleep ] imagination rotten, corrupt and yeah -- and [ bleep ] insane. one of them's an alleged under age sex trafficker. another a peddler of qanon conspiracy. and the third, well, he's donald [ bleep ] trump. ♪
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>> jimmy: they let you grab them by the snagglepuss. michael cohen will be with us shortly. donald trump, if you are watching, get those little thumbs ready to suck. you know we have been saying how pleasantly boring it has been with president biden in the white house because he doesn't do anything weird? well, today he did something weird. >> we said when people are waiting for relief. [ whispering ] i got them $1.9 trillion of relief so far. >> jimmy: and then, just in case that wasn't creepy enough, he did it again twice. >> guess what, when employers can't find workers. i said, yeah. [ whispering ] pay them more. i wrote the bill. on the environment. >> jimmy: you know that's his sex voice, right? that is what we just heard. yes.
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that's the sound jill biden hears just before he starts chewing on her hair. too much? too much? this is something i need to ask michael cohen about. donald trump's lawyer after him is now not a lawyer anymore. at least he's not allowed to practice in the state of new york. a new york state court temporarily suspended rudy giuliani's law license for making demonstrably false and misleading statements about the election results as part of his work on behalf of trump. giuliani could soon be disbarred or behind bars, possibly both. but recount dracula did get a show of support today from the former president, who put out a forceful statement screaming about justice and rudy's son, andrew giuliani, was so upset he made a video in a parking lot. >> this is just unbelievable to see just how politicized all of this has become. i am infuriated by all of it and any americans that believes in an independent justice system, this is going after one of
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president trump's closest allies. that's exactly what this is. and any american that doesn't believe that, they are just biased. >> jimmy: is he like three feet tall? the guy wants to be governor and i doesn't have a single friend to hold the iphone for him. only the best people. the my pillow man, mike lindell, not only is he defending himself in a huge lawsuit from dominion, he's also being attacked by o.j. simpson. >> this lindell guy -- i got my own -- he's the my pillow guy. i've got my own beef with him. my family, my sister, my kids, we must have bought 20 or 30 of them pillows. guess what. there's not one of those pillows in any of our houses now.pit ha politics. it has to do with sore necks. in any event, hey, go to costco. go to target. get a good pillow. i'm just saying. >> jimmy: yeah. just so i have this straight, o.j. is complaining about sore necks?
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[ applause ] it finally happened, irony has peaked. all right. it's thursday night. and that means it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week, whether they need it or not. it's time for "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> thanks for inviting me back. i am glad to know my [ bleep ] jokes on friday did not scare everybody away. >> the [ bleep ] jokes were the bomb. >> we're not giving up. we're going to [ bleep ] and [ bleep ] for floridians. >> it's no surprise really because you [ bleep ] your wife on the driving range, didn't you? >> you don't want to keep rejecting the offers of prosecutors, one day you could wake up with a horse's [ bleep ] in your [ bleep ]. >> is it too hot for [ bleep ] right now? >> no. it's perfect. >> you feeling uncomfortable? >> no. i'm -- it was my [ bleep ]. it was my [ bleep ]. my [ bleep ] got stuck in my underwear. >> oh. >> what jesse does is that he responds to his mom and says
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stop [ bleep ]ing [ bleep ]. it goes on and on. >> it goes on quite a bit. >> very irritated. >> you know over the years people asked me, hey man, did you [ bleep ] gay athletes? of course i did. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's a revelation. we have a great show for you tonight. trump's former attorney michael cohen is with us, music from the isley brothers and snoop dogg. chris pratt is here. and it's time to ask three ridiculous questions. this time of iliza schlesinger. ♪ >> jimmy: what do you think would be the funniest part about being in hell? >> the funniest part of being in hell? >> jimmy: yeah. got to be something. >> yeah, i'd be laughing at all of the other jerks who zefshd it
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more that are also there. >> jimmy: stand by the entrance. that's the way to go. >> welcome. my skin is burning but i'm comforted to know your skin is burning as well. and that makes it feel okay. laughing all the way. >> jimmy: look who's here. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what's a name that when you hear it you just know that person's going to be annoying? >> matt. i didn't even have to let you finish. i'm like it's either going to be good or bad. matt. i didn't have to think. probably the easiest question i will field today. >> jimmy: would you rather have seven toes or nine fingers? >> seven toes. extra speed. >> jimmy: do you think you would be faster with seven toes? >> yeah. just all that torque that's built up in that little toe projecting you. >> jimmy: huh. no, but you don't have the little toe. >> what? >> jimmy: which toe would you get rid of? >> oh, my god. you're right. >> jimmy: i didn't mean on one foot. i meant total. >> i forgot how many toes i had. i was like, bonus toes. >> jimmy: a toast to bonus toes.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. tonight the former president's former attorney, he is now host of the podcast "mea culpa." michael cohen is with us. then later, iconic meets the chronic. their song together is called "friends and family." music from the isley brothers with the sound of snoop doggy dogg. as i mentioned, this will be my last show for the next couple months. i'm taking the summer off to help free britney. i'm actually going on summer vacation. i'm taking a page from the cicada playbook. my plan is to burrow
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underground, and then emerge reborn and ready to annoy everyone. while i am gone we have absolutely great guest hosts lined up including wanda sykes, nick kroll, david spade, anthony mackie, sarah silverman, arsenio hall, julie bowen, maren morris, phoebe robinson, niall horan, and some surprise names too. guillermo, i am -- but i don't want to say who, but i think you and o.j. are really going to hit it off. >> guillermo: okay. >> jimmy: and on top of that our annual nba finals game night specials will be hosted this year by our dear friend anthony anderson. his guests will include dwayne johnson, chance the rapper, jason momoa, johnny knoxville, kevin garnett, and more. so thank you to anthony. for filling my pants. and no crazy parties while i am gone this year. >> guillermo: no, never. i promise you. >> jimmy: thank you. our first guest tonight is a hugely successful movie star, starlord and tamer of dinosaurs. next he travels to the future to punch aliens in their version of a face in "the tomorrow war."
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it premieres a week from tomorrow op amazon prime video. please welcome chris pratt! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> wow! jimmy, thank you so much for letting me be a part of this incredible night. >> jimmy: you know, i always love having you here. it's always an incredible night. >> and it's so nice to be able to congratulate you, in person, come on, guys. on his last show. [ cheers and applause ] wow! >> jimmy: thank you very much. i appreciate it. >> how many years has it been? >> jimmy: has what been? since we went on the air? >> yes. duh! >> jimmy: 18 1/2 years.
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>> wow. what an accomplishment. that's awesome man. i didn't know -- i don't know what we're going to do without you. >> jimmy: no, i think there might be some confusion -- >> because this is your last show ever i wanted to send you off in style. guillermo?! [ cheers and applause ] we got you a cake. and don't worry pal, now that you won't be on tv anymore, you can have as much of that cake as you want. >> jimmy: but i am going to be on tv again. thank you very much. >> aw. yeah. sure you will. no, that's the spirit. never give up. but before you go away for good, let's just take a moment to reflect. i know stuff like this makes you uncomfortable. but i had the editors put together a little highlight reel of some of the greatest moments from the show. and we will miss you so much, forever. >> jimmy: but i'm not --
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>> let's roll that now. ♪ i will remember you ♪ ♪ will you remember me ♪ ♪ don't let your life pass you by ♪ ♪ weep not for the memories ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. wow. welcome, i guess. >> wow. i mean, so many incredible memories. i can't believe we have to say good-bye. >> jimmy: the thing is that you don't have to say good-bye. it's not my last show. it's my last show for the summer. it's just -- >> oh. you're staying on? >> jimmy: yeah. yes.
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>> why? >> jimmy: what do you mean, why? because i -- i don't flow. i love my job. >> all right. could have fooled me. so what, you're just going on vacation? >> jimmy: yeah. summer vacation. >> god. guillermo, did you know about this? >> guillermo: yeah. but i wanted a piece of cake. >> unbelievable. this is unreal. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is -- >> he is not -- he is not even leaving. he's not even leaving. >> he's not leaving? >> yeah. he's staying on. >> jimmy: yeah. i'm coming back. >> why?
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>> jimmy: i don't know. this was not my retirement. >> can i at least finish the song? >> no. >> that [ bleep ] sucks. >> you can't. >> jimmy: kenny g just cursed in our room. >> chris, can i at least get a picture? my kids love "star wars." >> guillermo, get kenny g the [ bleep ] out of here. >> guillermo: i'm taking the cake with me. >> jimmy: you take the cake. >> you can't eat this now. >> jimmy: it's interesting. i can see you being confused but you'd think my staff would know better than to make a sign like that. >> get rid of it. we don't need the sign. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know this will be -- this can now be instead of my retirement cake it is your birthday cake.
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because i know your birthday was on monday. that's correct, right? >> thank you. you shouldn't have. you didn't have to write that bit for me just to get me a piece of cake. you just got me cake. >> jimmy: you take cake however you can get it. >> that's the truth. >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> i'm doing very well. thank you. >> jimmy: happy birthday to you. did you have a party or anything? [ cheers and applause ] >> thanks, guys. it is still my birthday week, so you can celebrate me. >> jimmy: that's right. it's your birthday week. >> yeah. well, i am working right now and i was at work all day on my birthday. but when i got home, kathryn had prepared a massive dinner and we got to have like, you know, a dinner party of about eight people. >> jimmy: nice. very nice. >> it was on a table i had never eaten on before. we had it made by nick offerman. know he's like a woodworker. >> jimmy: nick made you a table? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's awesome. >> yeah, it's great.
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he made me a table out of a douglas fir that was -- it's like 181 years old. it would be 183 if it were still alive but cut down two years ago and born the same year as wild bill hickock. >> jimmy: is the wood like petrified? is it like a very hard table? >> well, it's been conditioned because douglas fir is kind of a soft wood. he cut these two massive planks that are connected by metal. he does amazing work. we got to have my birthday dinner at the table that nick offerman made. >> jimmy: that nick offerman built. it's so impressive when someone in hollywood can do something. >> right. >> jimmy: you can't even believe it, right? >> yeah. hollywood turns people into being completely useless outside of 15-second bits about [ bleep ] cake. you can do that very well. anything else do not look to me to do anything. >> jimmy: and what kind of food did you have? what did your wife, katherine,
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prepare for you? >> she used the treyger grill to prepare two big pork butt roasts. she was so mad because i was like can you do -- i will do everything because there is an app and i can do it from my phone. all i need to do is you can turn it on, i'll do everything from work. all right. you know, we have a ten month old baby. she's trying to put together this party. she didn't want to be taking 12 hours to smoke some pork butt. i forgot we changed the wi-fi at our house. so the thing wasn't talking to the wi-fi. i couldn't do anything from work. she had to do the whole thing from home. and she did a great job. >> jimmy: she smoked some butt for you and took care of the baby and put it all out on the table. i have to ask, did your father-in-l father-in-law, your terminator-in-law, did he get you a present? >> he did. >> jimmy: do you think he picked it out himself? >> of the many things that are surprising to me about arnold, he is an incredible gift giver. he doesn't pass it off. he got me a really beautiful
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cigar box with artwork from "the tomorrow war" which opens on amazon prime video july 2nd. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. it's my picture and it says "the tomorrow war." and then you open it up and there are all these cigars inside. and he signed "happy birthday chris, love arnold." >> jimmy: did he really get you a cigar box that says "the tomorrow war" on it? >> yes. >> jimmy: that's the most arnold thing i've ever heard of. a promotional item and he signed it? >> he signed it. >> jimmy: did he write his last name? >> just arnold. >> jimmy: not dad or anything like that? >> yeah. if he would have written it out. >> jimmy: that is great. >> i love it. i love that my kids will be like that's grandpa's cigar box he gave dad. >> jimmy: we are going to take a break and come back to see the movie that was so celebrated it became a cigar box that resides in chris pratt's home.
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"the tomorrow war." we'll be right back. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by quickvue at home otc covid test. take ten minutes, take charge. 3 out of 4 people achieved 90% clearer skin at 4 months, after just 2 doses. skyrizi may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms such as fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches, or coughs, or if you plan to or recently received a vaccine. ♪ nothing is everything ♪ now is the time to ask your dermatologist about skyrizi.
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[ breathing heavily ] [ ail ylien noises ] >> jimmy: that is chris pratt in "the tomorrow war." with a very scary alien. now, in this movie you play a science teacher who travels through time to fight aliens.
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correct? >> yes. >> jimmy: now my science teacher -- did you have a science teacher in high school? i assume. >> yeah. >> jimmy: mine was not fighting aliens. >> he wasn't? >> jimmy: no, not at all. his name was mr. douglas. if you were late to class, you had to stop by arby's and get him a jamocha shake or you were in a lot of trouble. >> is that true? mr. douglas. >> jimmy: no. mr. douglas was not going to the future. he was not fighting anybody. >> i had a really cool high school biology teacher. he was like indiana jones. >> jimmy: really? >> in a town of 7,000 people, he was like our indiana jones. >> jimmy: did he wear a fedora? >> for sure. he had a whip. he always had knives on him. >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. super inappropriate for school. >> jimmy: yeah. it sounds like he should be removed. >> yeah. he might have been. i don't know. >> jimmy: he is lucky indiana jones came out, because otherwise he would be a psychopath. >> you was like you look like
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indiana jones. he's like, "i don't watch tv." he was great. he had cool artifacts and experiments. >> jimmy: you shot the movie in iceland, a place i always wanted to go and see. and the northern lights is something that is really like if there is a bucket list in my brain, that is definitely in the top five. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you were fortunate enough and actually shot video of it. >> i was able to see the northern lights up close. it was kind of magic. our daughter was conceived in iceland. and i think it's due to our exposure to the northern lights. >> jimmy: let's take a look at the video and you can tell us about where you were and what you saw. >> oh, my gosh. that's so gorgeous. i can't believe we're getting the northern lights. so pretty. god, this is beautiful. i mean -- >> can you help me pack? >> she was pregnant. she was like 15 minutes
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pregnant. >> jimmy: do you really help pack? because that's bad for me if you do. are you a helper when it comes to packing? >> no. no. sometimes. usually my job is to close it and zip it. wouldn't be able to do that without me. but all of the other [ bleep ] she does. >> jimmy: do you have that moment you are going to -- you're like really, are we really trying to force all this stuff into here? >> i have to close it another 18 inches? that can't be good for any of the stuff we put in there. it's going to kill everything. >> jimmy: your high heels are all flats now. it seems like you're always off shooting something. you work a lot. what are you shooting right now? >> i am working on a show called "the terminal list." here in los angeles. based on a best-selling novel by jack carr. it's a really kind of gnarly dark conspiracy thriller. and we shoot it here in l.a.
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>> jimmy: when do you shoot another "guardians of the galaxy" movie? the next one. >> i will do the next one -- yeah! [ cheers and applause ] we will be shooting at the end of this year and beginning of next year. like november to maybe april. >> jimmy: you can say nothing about it i assume? >> correct. >> jimmy: do you know anything about it yet? >> yeah, i know everything. >> jimmy: do you really? >> yes. >> jimmy: you've read the whole script? >> gentlemen. well, the script was written years ago because we were going to do it years ago and due to unforeseen circumstances and a -- >> jimmy: why, did something happen? >> i don't remember what happened. for some reason we didn't shoot it. and now by the grace of god we will shoot it. and it will be directed by james gunn. [ cheers and applause ] he's really [ bleep ] cool. >> jimmy: well, congratulations on the baby and on the movie and on the new table. all big things. chris pratt everybody.
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"tomorrow war" premieres a week from tomorrow on amazon prime. we'll be back with michael cohen. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by corona. get back to the beach with the $1 million triptocurrency giveaway. so fast, we were maxing out production. that's why i chose the spark cash card from capital one. cause i earn unlimited 2% cash back on everything i buy. last year i redeemed $21,000 in cash back... seriously, $21,000. which i used for new equipment, so we can feed even more dogs. thanks to my spark card, we're in over 4,000 stores across the country. what's in your wallet? (music) we're in over 4,000 stores across the country. (music)
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two drums, two breasts, two thighs, two wings, with one heapin helpin of mac and cheese, one large fry, and four flakey biscuits. that's one delicious mouthful. a great way to feed the whole family! order ahead on the kfc app! it's finger lickin' good. >> jimmy: music from the isley brothers with snoop dogg is on the way. our next guest is our last guest on video chat and the first
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under house arrest. like every red-blooded american he has a podcast, "mea culpa with michael cohen." please welcome michael cohen. hello, michael. >> jimmy, how are you? >> jimmy: i'm good. boy, i've got to tell you something. i think if you're ever going to be under house arrest you picked the right year to do it. >> yeah. that is probably true. i would rather be with you there in studio so i could dress like chris pratt instead of having to wear a jacket and tie. i would have come in a t-shirt too. >> jimmy: you can take that off. we'll watch you take off your clothes if you like. okay. i have a million questions for you and i want to start with a story in the news this week. i don't know if you saw this but trump reportedly asked the department of justice if they could do something about the late night comedians making fun of him. does that sound right to you? >> yeah. well, first of all, of course i saw it. i'm in home confinement and i'm locked in my apartment for 21 hours a day. so the answer is yeah. i mean, listen, the guy is
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thin-skinned. everybody knows it. every single thing bothers him. you may recall that time with barack obama when he destroyed him at the washington correspondents dinner. the next day i said to him, hey, boss, question for you. are you okay? he goes, you know, "nothing bothers me." he looked like he wanted to cry. you know it goes to show you exactly the thin-skinned nature of the man. >> jimmy: have you ever seen donald trump cry? >> no. but i have seen him with his hair completely wet coming out of the shower. that's not a pretty picture either. >> jimmy: were you happy or saddened when you heard the news today that rudy giuliani has had his license to practice law suspended? >> rudy turns around and said i am upon not worried about the suspension on my license. of course he is not worried. he is worried about going to prison. right?
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and remember, you know, in prison nobody is checking your credentials. he doesn't have to worry for that either. and then the best is his idiot son andrew, who turns out and says i'm infuriated. hey, andrew, guess what? no one cares. right? i'm actually fine with it. and this idiot wants to run for governor. >> jimmy: it must be weird for you because you knew all these guys, right? these were guys you socialized with, you worked with, and now they are -- like they have all coalesced against you and you are against them as well. >> well, yeah. i know most of them. the last time i saw andrew he was giving a golf lesson at one of trump's clubs. we didn't really socialize too much. >> jimmy: out of all of the low-lifes in trump land, the lowest. rank the top three. >> you have to start with the big guy himself, donald, probably the biggest low-life. then of course you have allen weisselberg, somebody whose name has come up a lot.
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and then you have of course matthew calamari who is another lowlife. then of course equal, equal are the three kids, don, ivanka, eric and of course you have jared, and then -- it's just -- look, it's one big giant family of grift. there's not one of them that has a redeeming value to them. they don't care. as a family and as a institution they truly don't care about anyone or anything other than themselves. >> jimmy: it must have hurt you deeply when they turned on you. you had been very loyal, ridiculously loyal to the point where you did illegal things and lied on behalf of donald trump. but once the fbi raided your apartment that was kind of it for you guys, wasn't it? >> no, not particularly. because trump called me that night. basically the way a mob boss would call one of his underlings and said don't worry, i got you, you're protected. everything will be fine. nothing will be happening. stay on course. stay on message. we're all good. and that was pretty much the last time i ever heard from him.
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>> jimmy: did he lie every day? was there something that happened previous to his political life? >> every single day. there wasn't a day that went by that it wasn't a lie about something. you know, in my book "disloyal" i talk about the very first time i ever met him. he actually lied to me to my face. i bought an apartment in one of his buildings. the first thing out of his mouth is i gave you a great deal. no, i paid market price. i said to him, you want to buy the apartment back? i'll sell it to you back for what i paid for it. he said no. you got a great deal. >> jimmy: what's the dumbest lie you ever heard him tell? of the least consequence. >> it's hard to say. almost everything that came out of his mouth was actually stupid. many of us had to spend so much time each and every day covering up for the ridiculous -- i mean, talk about stupid. let's talk about the bone spur is one of the stupidest lies that he ever had me -- that he ever had me deal on his behalf.
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and we know that there were no bone spurs. we know that's an absolute lie. >> jimmy: for those who don't know, he claimed the reason he wasn't able to go on active military service was because he had bone spurs. he was able to get out of the draft. you are saying it never happened. >> right. and we're talking about vietnam. listen, it never stopped him from playing five rounds of golf a week. right? or running to the mcdonald's for the two-for-one big mac special. right? i mean, you know -- [ applause ] the part that bothered me -- you know, jimmy, the part that bothered me the most about it is after we would meet, say, a wounded veteran the only thing that this idiot would turn around and say is "why would anybody go to war? look at what happened. look at how they're coming back. i mean, not me. i wouldn't do it." and that's why during my house oversight committee i looked straight into the camera and i found it interesting that while i was doing that speech before congress he was there in vietnam
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with kim jong un. >> jimmy: wow. but you did -- listen, you tolerated this for a long time and you knew what was going on and you kept working for the guy and lying on his behalf. >> i don't want to say i was lying on his behalf as much as we were taking advantage of of individuals because of his nature, because of things i was tasked with. it wasn't that they were lies. also in the book i talk about this paint issue where we ended up getting $200,000 worth of free paint. these are the stupid things he would have, you know, myself and other lawyers in the company go for. >> jimmy: if you know he does not have bone spurs and that is why he avoided vietnam and you say he had bone spurs, then that's lying. i mean, listen, that's lying. that's it, michael. it's lying. >> all right. i agree. that's a lie. >> jimmy: i want to ask you about matt gaetz. because this guy -- and i want to read a tweet. this is the night before you were set to testify before congress. he wrote, "hey, michael cohen.
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does your wife and father-in-law know about your girlfriends? i wonder if she'll remain faithful while you're in prison. she's about to learn a lot." was that trump speaking through matt gaetz in your opinion or was that just matt ingratiating himself to the president? >> yeah, that's matt ingratiating himself. and look, i don't even know where to start with matt gaetz. i mean, that's just a pure deflection. absolutely pathetic aas an individual. and yet people voted for him. i tried to understand what america sees in individuals like the matt gaetzes, josh hawleys, the marjorie taylor greenes. these people are absolutely insane. and if any of them are watching this show, it's time for you to think about america because these people are going to destroy this country. >> jimmy: if trump goes to jail will melania wait for him? >> i don't think she is waiting for him right now. [ applause ] >> jimmy: is this going to be the one?
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i know you said you expect in the next 30 to 60 days something will happen that trump will be charged with something. why is it that -- listen, you went to jail. rudy might go to jail. his lawyers all seemed to get some kind of a punishment. how is this guy able to dodge it? >> remember something, when it comes to the department of justice, and i said this in m many, many tweets, the wheels of justice turn slowly but eventually they do turn full circle. understand you are not just fighting anybody. you are fighting somebody that has money behind him and the former power of the president of the united states. and so he's going to fight like the dog that he is. he's hiring lawyers. i'm not impressed with any of the lawyers that he hired. but here's where i say that he's in trouble. he's in trouble. allen weisselberg's in trouble. weisselberg's kids, matt calamari. rudy giuliani. they're all in trouble. why? because there's documentary evidence that's in march
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possession that they don't really need weisselberg or calamari. one of them will flip to save themselves. and once you get calamari you don't need weisselberg. when you get weisselberg you don't need calamari. but the truth is they don't need either of them because they have the documents to prove exactly the illegalities done by trump. >> jimmy: i love how many times you said calamari. i'm actually very hungry now as a result of it. thank you, michael. michael's podcast is "mea culpa" with michael cohen. he's got stormy daniels on one episode. and that is quite a conversation. thank you for being with us. we'll be back with the isley brothers and snoop dogg. ♪ ♪ you already pay for car insurance, why not take your home along for the ride? allstate. here, better protection costs a whole lot less.
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>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: it's a good time for good music. the song is called "friends and family," with a little help from the smooth sounds of snoop dogg, the isley brothers! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ break out the food and the
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drinks it's gonna be a party well turn up the music real ♪ ♪ loud invite everybody well go right 'head and smoke and play some cards just make yourself at home ♪ ♪ yeah it's okay to take somebody's hand and get your groove on we're all up in here woah ♪ ♪ timing couldn't be better yeah i love to see my people come together talkin' 'bout ♪ ♪ friends yeah friends oh and family oh oh oh oh oh oh i'm talkin' 'bout friends ♪ ♪ friends and family oh oh oh oh oh oh oh now everyone is getting along yeah ♪ ♪ the feeling in here is so awesome well why don't we just go on and call this party a world ♪ ♪ reunion? yeah let's reminisce on all of the times we shared through ♪
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♪ all the years woah let's make a toast to the ones that we love and we miss and could not be here yeah ♪ ♪ we're all up in here woah-oh timi cn'be bette i love to see my people ♪ ♪ come together talkin' 'bout friends yeah friends ♪ ♪ oh and family oh oh oh oh oh oh i'm talkin' 'bout friends friends and family ♪ ♪ oh oh oh oh oh oh oh although we didn't have much we still had each other and what we went through ♪ ♪ we went through it together well we stick together said through thick or thin ♪ ♪ i thank god for family and all our day one friends ♪
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♪ ♪ come on ♪ ♪ do your two-step ♪ ♪ now take it to the left, back, left, left ♪ ♪ do your two-step ♪ ♪ and take it to the right ♪ ♪ right uh-huh right uh-huh right yeah i shuffle my feet and move to the left ooh ♪ ♪ i check my outfit i'm so fresh to death hand my drink to wifey and sit my cup down ♪ ♪ now the whole fam-bam gettin' down i mean i mean i just had a plate of them greens ♪ ♪ i'm on the dance floor groovin' like a dancing machine i got my mind on my money ♪ ♪ like i usually do i wanna be livin' for the love of you see it's your thing so do ♪ ♪ what you wanna do 'cause you gon' have a good time when you in front of snoop and that's for ♪ though my mama say stop the music 'cause she wanna take a photo so we oblige and step to ♪ ♪ the side come on come on now the whole fam doin' the electric slide like that ♪ ♪ one two ♪ ♪ uncle ron what you want 'em to do ♪ ♪ now you got it ♪ ♪ let's do it again like friends yeah friends oh and family yeah
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oh oh oh oh oh oh family ♪ ♪ i'm talkin' 'bout friends oh friends oh and family oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪ ♪ family i'm talkin' 'bout family do you remember? do you remember? ♪ ♪ do you remember? do you remember? yeah oh i'm talkin' about ♪ ♪ friends friends and family woah oh oh let's stay together ♪ ♪ hey we gotta stay together hey gotta stay together hey stay together ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
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>> jimmy: thanks to chris pratt, michael cohen, kenny g and the isley brothers. apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next. i'll see you after labor day unless i fall in the grand canyon, in which case i'll miss you too.
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thanks for watching. have a great summer. good night. [ cheers and applause ] tonight, reflecting on a painful past. the former nfl player. >> it hurts. it hurts. >> accusing the league's concussion payout program of raci racism. >> i feel like i've been betrayed. looked at as less than. >> and facing the heat. the attorney behind that landmark concussion settlement now with a stunning admission after families say he failed them. >> i was wrong. >> and on the heels of an abc news investigation the make announcement from the nfl pledging to end the use of the controversial practice known as race norming. this special edition of "nightline," "out of bounds," will be right back.

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