♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, meant to be alive. drew robinson's remarkable story. >> i don't have it all figured out, but i'm working on it. >> baseball was everything. but not enough. >> season got cons canceled, coming home to an empty house. being alone. not knowing even who i was myself. >> attempting suicide. >> arrive at the thought, i'm going to do it today. >> his amazing return to the diamond and the lessons off the field. >> why do you think you survived? >> because i'm supposed to help people. did you know that your fabrics trap more than just odors? they also trap bacteria. better get new febreze fabric antimicrobial.

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call or go online today to learn more. comcast business. powering possibilities. ♪ thank you for joining us, i'm kenneth moton. it may have looked like baseball player drew robinson had it all. drafted out of high school. making his way to the big leagues. unknown to his friends and family, he was struggling. his remarkable story featured in the e60 documentary "alive: the drew robinson story." we should warn you, the following program contains graphic images and discussion of suicidal behavior.

espn's jeff passen has this story. >> 911 emergency, police, fire or medical? tell me exactly what happened. >> everything about this story is so improbable. >> is there any serious bleeding? >> so impossible on paper that i'm lucky to be alive. >> reporter: 29-year-old drew robinson is using an extraordinary comeback to change a stigma and save lives. >> this is my first time really talking about it. i'm here to tell anyone that mental health battles and disorders do not define who you are as a person. your mind is your servant, not your master. >> why do you think you survived? >> because i'm supposed to help people. this was a huge sign that i'm supposed to help people. get through something that they

don't think is winnable. i'm meant to be alive. i'm meant to be alive. >> reporter: born and raised in las vegas, nevada, drew robinson grew up the youngest of three children. >> he used to just get into mischief all the time. my mom would be like, stop, you're upsetting your brother, hurting his feelings. we used to make him cry all the time. >> we did pick on him a lot. but at the same time, he was adamant about proving that he can keep up with us. he was always there wanting to compete. >> baseball was our lives. the thing that brought us together. almost a distraction.

my parents, they didn't get along all the time, so all the focus was on us instead of what we're all dealing with. >> reporter: when he turned 9, his parents divorced. >> i think i would take that personal and think it was because of me. like, is there something wrong with me, or something. i can think back to when i was 12 years old, playing little league. i was that kid. every single time i struck out i would slam my bat, slam my helmet, cry all the time. because i thought that i had to be perfect in every aspect of my life. >> reporter: his power and versatility wowed scouts. after graduating high school in 2010, he was drafted in the fourth round by the texas rangers. and began his journey through the minors. >> 3-2 pitch, a high fly ball, a

home run for drew robinson! >> what's it like going through the minor leagues? >> you're dealing with the pressures of performing and holding on to what you thought baseball was going to be like. i wouldn't allow myself to understand that mistakes are just mistakes, it doesn't define who i was. >> drew takes a call, third strike. >> did you have anybody that you could go to and tell how you were really, truly feeling? >> i did. i didn't know it. i thought it was going to be an inconvenience for them. >> reporter: one of those people was diana angelova. she went to high school with drew and they started dating after graduation. >> i was in college. drew was playing baseball. it was fast paced. >> she's the most selfless person i've ever met. so any time there's any little

hint of me not being happy, she wanted to help. i pushed myself away from her. she didn't budge. >> i will never forget this. he said, i don't know why you like me. and i was so shocked. i was like what do you mean you don't know why i like you? >> drew robinson leading off the ball game. more yano, he looks up and that ball is gone! >> reporter: by 2016, drew was in his seventh year in the minors. >> i still kind of thought i wasn't that good at baseball. i just had this unrealistic idea of perfection. and i would see the good in everyone else, but i would only see the bad in myself. >> reporter: the rangers saw a major leaguer, and in april

2017, he made his big league debut. >> wearing number 18, drew robinson! >> holy crap, he did it. he made it to the big leagues. he's a big leaguer. >> to see him achieve what he's always worked for was just pure bliss. >> man, that was fun. i just remember the feeling of being on top of the world. >> how long did it last? >> until the next day, when i got sent down. >> reporter: during his eight years with the rangers organization, drew appeared in 95 major league games. batting .204 with 9 home runs. then in 2018, he was traded to the st. louis cardinals. just a few months later, another new beginning.

drew proposed to diana. but the optimism wouldn't last long. >> the pressure from yourself is always way higher than the pressure from the organization for you to perform. and it just created this really high level of stress and anxiety that i didn't really understand at the time. >> reporter: after playing just five games with the cardinals, he was sent back to the minors and eventually released. >> i attempted to do some self-work. i was seeing a therapist in the offseason. and i was reading a lot of self-development books. but again, i took it in the negative way. and that just added another level of self-judgment. >> reporter: in 2020, drew signed as a free agent with the san francisco giants. but the constant worry about being sent back to the minors

consumed him. and then he broke off his engagement to diana. >> i was completely shocked. it was really hard. but at the same time -- it was one of those points where i said to myself, i knew i did everything i could possibly do. >> around that time is when i was leaving for spring training. i just really started questioning everything and really coming to realization that i'm a lot more messed up than i could have even thought of. and it just started weighing on my mind like, is my life even worth it? works with bosch's precisionwash technology to clean, degrease and shine every dish, every load. for a sparkling clean, from bosch to finish.

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♪ in march 2020, after 10 seasons filled with successes and failures, drew robinson was at spring training trying to make it on a new team, the san francisco giants. when the pandemic hit. >> major league baseball has pushed back opening day until mid-may. >> the season getting canceled, coming home to an empty house, being alone, not knowing even who i was myself, having to face myself every day with no distractions, not being able to go to the field, not being able to go hang out with friends. >> reporter: drew rarely saw his family, and during that stretch he had purchased a gun. take me through april 16th.

>> so i just -- i woke up like normal. arrive at the thought, i'm going to do it today. it's around 8:00. picked up the gun, hold it to my head, all in one motion, pull the trigger. a split second goes by, i'm looking at the exact same thing i was looking at before i pulled the trigger. must not have worked. reach my hand up to my face, feel the blood. how am i still here? how am i still seeing things? how am i not in pain? hour and a half goes by. this time -- just a hole through my face, blood's falling down into my mouth, i'm swallowing a bunch of blood. realize i'm in bad shape. 6:00, 7:00 next morning, i wake up.

i glance at myself in the mirror. i wasn't even recognizable. my right eye was swollen and sealed shut from the dried blood. the first thought towards the future came to my mind. i'm not going to be able to play baseball again. but then i caught myself for thinking about baseball, for thinking about the future. are we trying to survive this? told myself, there's two options here. call 911. or try again. >> 911 emergency, police, fire, or medical? >> i tried to commit suicide last night. >> what did you do? >> i shot myself in the head. >> sending the paramedics to help you now. >> shot himself last night and he's still alive? >> yeah, blood everywhere, it's dry. >> that's crazy.

>> reporter: drew was rushed to umc trauma center in las vegas. >> it's a very overwhelming thing to take in. but all that matters is, i need to be there for him. i drove to the hospital every night and sat in the parking lot. and just wrote to him. >> reporter: drew ultimately needed four surgeries to address his head injuries. and to reconstruct his face. his right eye was damaged beyond repair. >> the bullet went through the tissues of the eyeball from this temple area. it went through muscles, tissue, the bone here, this bone on the outside, through the eye. then at some point, it had made the turn. whether it hit a portion of the bony structure that caused it to ricochet down and not up. and it missed the brain.

he's a very lucky guy. >> why did you attempt suicide? >> i think it specifically comes down to how hard i was on myself. and this unrealistic idea of perfection that i thought i needed to be at. and eventually the burden got so heavy that i believed ending my life was the better option. >> reporter: since may of 2020, drew's work includes seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist at least once a week. he takes prescribed anti-depressants. meditates and keeps a daily journal.

>> i don't have it all figured out. but i'm working on it. >> reporter: he says another key to his progress has been the constant support from his family. and from diana. >> the first two months were really difficult. because i was so afraid it's going to happen again. i think now he's back to his routine, hanging out with our friends, wanting to do things. so i can relax a little bit. >> reporter: in september 2020, drew was supposed to be with his san francisco giants teammates, finishing the last month of the season.

instead he was with a las vegas ocularist getting fitted for a prosthetic eye. >> what the hell? it's just a beautiful reminder of how beautiful my life is. i love everything about it. >> we're all susceptible to mental health struggles. >> reporter: dr. shana alexander, the director of mental health and wellness for the giants, invited drew to share his story with the team. >> i'm here to tell anyone that mental health battles and disorders do not define who you are as a person. your mind is your servant and not your master. >> he demonstrated the power of vulnerability and made it look so simple by just talking and showing players that we're all susceptible to mental illness. >> do you want to play baseball again?

>> absolutely. >> reporter: two months later, the giants had another invitation for him. spring training in 2021. >> i don't mean to sound like old drew here. but what if you don't? >> i'll be okay. baseball, it was probably the most important part of my life. but now it's not. family. friends. mental health. that's more important to me. >> love your story, man, amazing stuff. >> man, i appreciate that so much. >> reporter: a year after his suicide attempt, against all odds, drew played his first regular season game with the sacramento river cats. and six days later -- >> a long drive to right field,

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♪ ♪ you can see the full e60 documentary "alive: the drew robinson story" on espn plus. that's "nightline." you can watch all our full episodes on hulu. we'll see you right back here at the same time next week. thanks for staying up with us. good night, america.

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