larry: everybody home can enjoy. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- shaquille o'neal -- and music from maisie peters. and now -- jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you very much. very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for watching the show on a big night. there's not much to get excited about here in the united states, but tonight is the first night of football. a new nfl season is under way. [ cheers ] or as tom brady calls it, "the purge." [ laughter ]

tonight, the reigning champion tampa bay buccaneers hosted america's team, the cowboys of dallas. guillermo's team. >> guillermo: that's right. >> jimmy: cleto's team as well. >> cleto: yes, sir. >> jimmy: i don't know what happened. in the '70s, at that age you root for the cowboys or steelers, there wasn't really a choice. you root for the cowboys. >> guillermo: that's right, >> jimmy: you excited about the game? >> guillermo: pretty excited. hopefully we'll win tonight, go dallas! >> jimmy: i'm excited, i'm just glad i have a reason to wear my beer helmet on sundays again. [ laughter ] i was getting a lot of dirty looks at church. [ laughter ] we have no football player, but we have a 15-time nba all-star, the one and only kazaam himself. [ cheers and applause ] shaquille o'neal is here to make all your wishes come true. he's big. very big. we had to remove the ceiling fans. speaking of big, you know who isn't anymore? kim jong-un. the leader of north korea has been out of sight for quite some time. but he was back and strutting his stuff at a midnight parade

in pyongyang. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: hello, handsome! [ laughter ] he's like a young wayne newton, you know? [ laughter ] somebody had a hot girl summer or something. [ laughter ] leader kim, they think he lost about 44 pounds and it does look it. there he is with a new body, new suit, new haircut, a tan. rumor is his transformation may have had something to do with his five new friends. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] good for him. he's a monster, but -- by the way, good for his horse too. poor thing was exhausted. [ laughter ] the parade at which kim jong-un revealed his new physique was held to honor north korea's new truck-mounted rocket launcher technology, which was invented 80 years ago. [ laughter ] but i guess they just got it.

it's like being dragged out of bed to cheer for a toaster. [ laughter ] actually in north korea, i think a toaster would be more popular. no one is sure how kim lost the weight. north korea, they've got a severe food shortage over there, maybe that has something to do with it. or maybe it had something to do with this. >> i tried everything to move weight. fad diets, walking slowly through factories and pointing at things, nothing worked. until i fried noom. kim jong noom. >> kim jong noom is different. it uses a brutality oppressive totalitarian rule to change your habits for good. >> now i don't get hungry when i feed my insubordinate relatives to wild dogs. >> enter promo code "slim kim" for 40% off and start living your most glorious, supreme life. kim jong noom. >> it's the bomb! [ applause ] >> jimmy: i'm sure those were just calories.

kim jong-un's peloton instructor has to be the scariest job in the world, right? [ laughter ] at the white house today, president biden broke in to my soap operas to outline his new plan to squelch the virus. the plan is called "guam," and if you bought yourself a bottle of ivermectin in the last 14 days, you're going on a little trip there. [ laughter ] no, biden announced a controversial plan to require all employers with more than 100 workers to get their people vaccinated, or require weekly testing. the president is also requiring all federal workers to get vaxxed. vaxed and waxed, he wants his mailmen smooth. [ laughter ] and of course, a lot of people are upset about this. they don't want to be told what to do. not even by the doctors who they will eventually rush to and beg for help when they get sick. you know, there's a reason pandemic movies end when the hero finds the cure. there's no "contagion" sequel with matt damon running around trying to convince everyone to take the vaccine, and thank god, by the way, he sucks. we don't need more movies with him. [ cheers and applause ]

but still, a quarter of the country thinks herd immunity means they should be taking livestock medicine. instead of the vaccination. [ laughter ] joe biden isn't the only politician trying to talk some reason into these sea biscuits. even the governor of west virginia is urging folks to get their shots. and if this guy isn't down-home enough for you, it's time to pack up your banjo and head back to the swamp. >> for god's sakes of living, how difficult is this to understand? why in the world do we have to come up with these crazy ideas, and they're crazy ideas, that the vaccine's got something in it and it's tracing people wherever they go? and the same very people that are saying that are carrying their cell phones around. i mean, come on. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: welcome to the resistance. president biden has had a rough month between afghanistan and the delta variant, and this britney thing. [ laughter ] but it's important to remember

that less than a year ago, we had a president whose strategy for fighting the virus was "drink bleach." i think they would like us to forget that, so, from time to time, we look back at what was in the news a year ago this week in a new edition of "this week in covid history." >> this week in covid history, it's september 2020 and 'tis the season, election season. >> 54 days from now, we're going to win michigan. we're going to win wisconsin. we're going to win minnesota. pennsylvania. nevada. new hampshire. >> oh-oh, things are getting desperate, time to whip out the old johnson & johnson. >> anybody else as president, you wouldn't be talking about vaccines for two or three years from now, i'm tell you right now. >> listen to that vaccine-loving crowd. i'm sure they'll be the first to roll up their sleeves. but just what are these vaccines? >> vaccines, a modern scientific marvel that can teach our immune system how to fight a virus.

>> wow. what idiot wouldn't want that? >> there's no covid, it's a fake pandemic. >> if i die, i die. what are you going to do, wear a mask and stay inside for another year? huh? >> and consume horse pills. besides, we're moving in the right direction. >> rounding the turn on the pandemic. we're rounding the turn. we are rounding the turn. rounding the final turn. rounding the turn, rounding the turn, rounding the turn, we're rounding the turn, rounding the turn, we're rounding the turn. >> we've rounded so many turns, we're right back where we started. this has been "this week in covid history." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's not funny because it's true. the biden administration yesterday removed 18 military academy board members that were appointed by trump, including haunted dollar store barbie doll, kellyanne conway. [ laughter ] which there's a name i haven't said in a while. kellyanne conway. and i'm not gonna say it any more times. i've seen "candyman." i know what might happen. [ laughter ]

sean spicer got the boot too from his spot on the board at the naval academy. he is planning to sue. to try to keep it. unlike kellyanne, sean spicer at least did serve in the military. he was in the navy. in fact, i went on wikipedia to find out more about his service and happened upon this detail i somehow missed. in april 1993, an article in the student paper, "the college voice," referred to spicer as "sean sphincter." [ laughter ] spicer submitted an angry complaint to the paper and followed up by pushing for college judicial action against the paper, for which he received further ribbing from the campus satirical publication, "blats." i guess that's where his love affair with the media started. [ laughter ] sphincter, or spicer, whatever you call him, was not happy to be removed from his post. and he went on newsmax last night to explain why. >> for 22 years i've had the honor of serving alongside some of the most talented, patriotic, and brave individuals this country has to offer. i'm a proud graduate of the u.s. naval war college. i've done multiple tours. and politics has never entered

into my service. i've served under five different presidents of both parties. when you wear the uniform, you serve the commander in chief. >> jimmy: that's right. now let's take a look back at sean spicer in uniform. ♪ come sail away come sail away come sail away with me ♪ ♪ come sail away come sail away come and sail away with me ♪ >> jimmy: say what you like, the man can dance. [ cheers and applause ] so tough day for the comedy team of spicer and conway. you know, when we finally got rid of trump, i assumed these people would just disappear. like the white walkers when arya stabbed the night king. [ laughter ] sorry, i rewatched it over the summer. hey, remember how we used to make jokes about mike pence calling his wife "mother"? well, a former aide to pence said in a podcast interview that he doesn't do that. he said that's a myth. the aide said, that would be very weird if he called his wife mother. yeah, that's kind of why we keep

bringing it up. [ laughter ] this woman was the director of communications in the white house. she also says that donald trump does his own makeup. which is maybe the least surprising thing i've ever heard about him. [ laughter ] of course he does his own makeup! look at this makeup. if a professional did that, they would be fired. [ laughter ] out of a cannon. she said he dips a pillow in cheese dust and just starts whacking himself in the face with it. [ laughter and applause ] i would pay a lot of money to watch trump do a makeup tutorial on youtube. [ laughter ] he could make it his next pay-per-view event. last night, i mentioned that trump and the fraudigal son, djtj, will commemorate the solemn 20th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks by doing color commentary for a boxing match featuring 58-year-old evander holyfield at the hard rock hotel and casino in hollywood, florida. trump has reportedly been bragging that he will make an "obscene" amount of money from this gig, which of course they're paying -- it's the only way they can get him to spend time with don jr., pay him an obscene amount of money. [ laughter ]

you wonder what he knows. who would pay to listen to trump b.s. his way through a boxing match? holyfield might wind up biting his own ears off. [ laughter ] between logan paul and donald trump, boxing is once again the top source of income for the worst people in the world. [ laughter ] this is my first week back at work after taking the summer off. i had a lot of plans this summer, a lot of things i was going to do. i planned to read. i wound up reading one book about trump, and half a book about the lakers. that was it. [ laughter ] did you read any books over the summer? >> guillermo: no, jimmy. >> jimmy: no, okay. [ laughter ] sorry for suggesting something ridiculous. [ laughter ] we should have a book club, you know? >> guillermo: we should, yeah. >> jimmy: would you read the books if we had a book club? >> guillermo: yeah, i will, yeah. >> jimmy: very convincing. anyway, to make ourselves feel better about us not reading, we conducted a survey, went on the street. we went out on the street and asked people to tell us what was the last book you read?

>> name something you read this summer. >> hm. i read -- the last thing i read -- >> um -- i don't know. >> nothing. >> like the first paragraph of a couple of news articles. >> covid-19 guidelines, all the time. >> um -- gosh. "people" magazine. >> "snowboard" magazine. i read that recently. but that's it. >> what did you read? >> i mainly looked at the pictures, i didn't really actually read. >> what's the last book you read? >> in eighth grade. >> "time to kill." >> when did you last read that? >> when it first came out. >> about 1992? >> yeah, yes, sir, right around there. >> "captain underpants" book. >> when did you read that? >> probably sometime around last year.

>> name something you read this summer. >> coca-cola. >> that's what you read? >> yeah. >> why the dr pepper mask? >> because -- i like dr pepper, second choice. number one, coca-cola. second, dr pepper. cherry. >> what's third? >> fanta orange. >> fourth? >> sprite. >> fifth? >> tequila. >> sixth? >> beer. >> seventh? >> milk. >> eighth? >> chocolate milk. >> ninth? >> it would be rice pudding. >> rice pudding. you just drink that? >> yeah, because i like to make it like soupy. >> got it. what were we originally talking about? >> what i read this summer. >> oh, yeah, that doesn't matter. let's go get a drink. >> yeah. right now? >> yeah. >> all right, let's go. [ laughter ] [ applause ]

>> jimmy: that took a weird turn. we've got a big show for you tonight. we have music from maisie peters. and we'll be right back with shaquille o'neal. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ got this gorgeous italian leather bag from marshalls.

it was such a deal! ♪ ♪ ♪ i can turn anyone iinto a beach bum.! i bring families together for a living. i make memories for people i don't know yet. i know this view is too good not to be shared. i am a vrbo host. ♪ ♪

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♪ cheers and applause ]- >> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back. tonight this lady is apple music's up next artist. her first u.s. tour kicks off in march. her album is called "you signed up for this." music from maisie peters. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, we have a new show on a friday night with kristen bell, kirby howell-baptiste, and metallica will join us. [ cheers and applause ] please join us for that. our first guest tonight has four nba championship rings and is the only human visible from

space. [ laughter ] on october 2nd, he hosts "the eemgtd event oorks a large benefit concert starring justin bieber, kelly clarkson, andra day, imagine dragons, and snoop doggie dogg at the mgm grand in las vegas. please welcome the man of many nicknames, shaquille o'neal. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you doing? am i crazy, or are your feet getting bigger? >> just let me take this in. >> jimmy: take it in, oh, you haven't been in front of people in awhile. >> i been on those sucky zoom calls we had. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is the real thing. you've got people. [ cheers and applause ] wearing masks.

you miss that? you miss being in front of people? >> i miss you, i miss gill-ler-mo? guillermo? [ laughter ] >> guillermo: right here! >> jimmy: you literally missed him, he's right there. >> i didn't see him. i just miss the interaction with people. i missed being here. thanks for having me. >> jimmy: you love people. i'm thinking about you and i were shooting something for one of your shows, and we went across the street to this hotel. and we walked in the hotel, and of course people are like, oh my god, shaq is in the hotel. people were going crazy. they're like, what are you doing here? you told people in a very serious way, "i just bought the hotel." [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: everyone believed it. not for one second did they think -- they're like, oh! wonderful! i'm the general manager, it's great to meet you! [ laughter and applause ] >> i remember that, yeah, you have a great memory. >> jimmy: do you follow football? you watch nfl? >> yeah. >> jimmy: who's your team?

>> you already know who my team is, they're playing tonight. i'll make you a bet. >> jimmy: what's that? >> i'll let you make it up. >> jimmy: any bet? >> any bet you want. i'm a cowboys fan, by the way. [ applause ] >> jimmy: all right. i'll take tampa bay plus 80 points. i get 80 points. >> so if the cowboys lose, i have to do what? >> jimmy: the cowboys have to win by 81 points. [ laughter ] >> i tell you what, if the cowboys lose tonight, the entrance to next time i go on the show, i'll walk down two blocks buck naked. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: sounds great. but we also played one-on-one basketball once. and you told me if i made any shots, you would come on the show naked. and i made a shot immediately. >> no, you didn't. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and i've yet to see your penis. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> i don't remember that. >> jimmy: did you play football at all? >> yes.

>> jimmy: played organized? >> i played tight end. >> jimmy: oh my god. [ laughter ] >> a guy your size sideswiped me one day and kind of messed my knee up. then i started playing basketball. my dad brought in an article, player by the name of john cochran, made $15 million over three years. after i saw that i thought, all right, i guess i'll start playing basketball. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: imagine trying to tackle you, it would be insane. if you played quarterback, wouldn't you dominate the game? i don't know what the tallest quarterback -- who the tallest quarterback ever was, how tall he was. if you were in the quarterback position, couldn't you hit anybody at any time? >> i probably could, but i like hitting people in a physical way. [ laughter ] like tight end. like -- we can't do it now, covid. i was going to try to make guillermo tackle me, i was going to run him over and show how i like to -- [ cheers and applause ] come on, right now.

>> jimmy: covid would be the least of his problems if that happens. [ laughter ] >> no, i think that's why i was a pretty good basketball player, because i liked football, i liked bringing the football physicality to basketball. >> jimmy: if you were on the offensive line or the defensive -- if you were on the defensive line, forget about it. >> yes, i would try and kill you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and you would succeed, absolutely. >> i would. >> jimmy: yeah. it's probably for the best, for everyone's safety, that you did not decide to play football. do you gamble at games, do you bet? >> yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a little bit? >> yes. >> jimmy: uh-huh, okay. money? a lot of money? >> something like that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you can't bet $100, it wouldn't -- you wouldn't even think about it, right? you'd get nothing from that. >> that's the starting point. >> jimmy: that's a starting point, a 100-dollar bet would be something you would make? >> sure, easy. >> jimmy: what's the most you've ever bet? one dollar? one million dollars? really? [ cheers and applause ] a million dollars.

>> $1 million. >> jimmy: what sport was it? >> mma. >> jimmy: mma, really? and how did it go? >> i won. >> jimmy: you won. [ cheers and applause ] were you sweating it out? >> yeah, i was. >> jimmy: i would think so, yeah. do you call the guy beforehand, hey, listen, i don't know what's going on in your life but i want to check in because i'm going to be making a large wager on you? >> i think that's called point shaving. >> jimmy: i don't think so, i think you can do that. >> you can do it in mma? >> jimmy: as long as you're not telling him to lose, i think you can call him, as shaquille o'neal, professional athlete. >> i didn't know that. >> jimmy: say, how's it going? you got the stomach flu? anything i need to know about? >> right. >> jimmy: are you dating? are you on tinder or anything like that? i heard you were on tinder at one point. >> i signed up for tinder. >> jimmy: you did? >> put in my name. i tried to make a person meet me, and they didn't believe it

was me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: nobody believed it was you. >> i'm like, it's me, it's shaq! no, you're not! shaq would never be on this! [ laughter and applause ] i had to hit delete. i had to delete my account. she was hot, too. [ laughter ] i was like, i'm five minutes, just please meet me at starbucks. no! stranger danger, no! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you have a big birthday, 50, coming up, early next year. are you planning a party already? because i know you've had some incredible parties. and i wonder if there's a lot of pressure to come up with something great for 50. >> you know what's crazy about this question you asked me? >> jimmy: what? >> i forgot i was going to be 50. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah, it just hit me. planning, no. but i probably -- probably do like a four-city tour. [ laughter ] l.a., vegas, miami, atlanta. >> jimmy: okay, can i be in charge of one of those parties? >> guess what, vegas, since we both have ties in vegas, vegas

is all yours. >> jimmy: for real, can i be in charge of that? >> let's do it. >> jimmy: i would love to be in charge of that. >> let's do it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'll make it the best one. in fact, it might be fun if we set up a competition. like you get three other friends to be in charge of your three other parties, and then at the end you decide which one was the most fun. [ laughter ] you like it? >> i do, i like that idea. i do. really good. >> jimmy: you think i'm not going to work on this, but i 100% am. in fact, i'm going to have to take another couple of months off the show, guys. [ laughter and applause ] all right, we're going to take a break. when we come back, shaquille o'neal is with us all night. his big charity event is october 2nd at mgm grand in las vegas. we'll be right back with shaq. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [humming] ♪ hands to the sky, all mine ♪ ♪ pardon when i shine ♪

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>> it's a waste of time. >> two thumbs down, shaquille o'neal trapped not in a bottle, but in a brainless plot. [ applause ] >> jimmy: oh my goodness. shaquille o'neal is here with us right now. celebrating the 20th, 25th anniversary of "kazaam." did you know it was the 25th anniversary? >> i didn't know that either. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: are you ever going to make a documentary about all this stuff that you've done in your life? >> i'm actually working on it now. >> jimmy: you are? >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] i'm shooting a documentary with the great peter berg. >> jimmy: oh, pete berg, wow. >> yeah. >> jimmy: did you let him have access to all your home movies and all the stuff you shot over the years? >> yes. actually, yes. >> jimmy: did you shoot stuff when you were a kid? >> i actually did, yeah. i remember when i got the -- remember when i had the big video cameras? i used to always record over my

dad's football games, and he'd get upset. but yeah, i used to do that all the time. >> jimmy: wow. are you giving pete full access? >> yes. >> jimmy: no punches pulled? >> full access. never seen before footage. so yeah. >> jimmy: will you have footage from the tape, the shooting of the movie "kazaam"? >> i don't think so. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you don't think so. >> no. >> jimmy: will you do the soundtrack for your own -- >> yes, i will. [ cheers and applause ] did you like "kazaam"? you can be honest. >> jimmy: i don't know if i saw it, i'll be honest with you. [ laughter ] i don't know, i think i was -- i don't know, i was like 20, 25, what am i going to "kazaam"? [ laughter ] i'm sure it was wonderful. [ laughter ] shaq, you bought reebok. you and some business partners bought reebok. i remember i used to work at this clothe are store and reeboks were kind of -- they were like cheerleader sneakers for a while.

and then when you signed with them, suddenly it was like, oh, these are like -- you could play sports in these things. not that i could. but that was the idea, you know? and why did you go with reebok in the first place when you originally signed with them, instead of nike or adidas or something like that? >> because nike, they had like four, five people. and it was always my dream to have a signature shoe. so when i went to reebok, that was going to give me a signature shoe. i had my shaq emblem, i had the commercials, i had everything in my head how i wanted to go. when i went to reebok, they said they were going to do it. we promised nike that we would, you know, listen to them. i wore my reebok jacket to the nike meeting. [ laughter ] you know -- >> jimmy: they didn't like that? >> no, they didn't like that. i came back and i signed with reebok. the partners i have now, a company called authentic brands group, the salter family, jamie, cory, we saw that reebok was kind of drifting away. so they fought long and hard for it. and now we own it. we look to bring them back to prosperity. >> jimmy: will you bring back the reebok pump? >> yes, of course. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: you have to bring back the pump. >> we will. a lot of retro reeboks will come back. >> jimmy: tell me about this concert. first of all, it's to benefit the boys and girls club? >> to benefit the boys and girls club. to also benefit underprivileged children. when i was coming up, boys and girls club was the place to go. my parents couldn't afford child care, so they tell me to go across the street. at the boys and girls club is where i cultivated the character that the world knows as shaq. i wasn't really good at school. i'd go in a room and study, i'd go in a music room and practice my raps, i'd go to the gym and practice basketball. but this was the place where i was just sitting and dreaming about all the stuff that i would like to do when i become an adult. we're just going to do this benefit, snoop dogg, kelly clarkson, justin bieber, imagine dragons, audra day is going to perform, the money is going to go to communities of school and boys and girls club. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: nice, that's good. you're living in las vegas now? >> yes, i live across the street

from wayne newton. >> jimmy: you do, really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, wow. do you ever see wayne? >> no, never. >> jimmy: never see wayne? >> no. >> jimmy: the midnight idol has not invited you over? >> i haven't seen him. has a big gate, big trees. >> jimmy: they call him mr. las vegas. >> no, you're mr. las vegas. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. it's funny you say that. >> you are. >> jimmy: i grew up in las vegas. in fact, while we were doing the show for a week in las vegas, we called wayne, would you mind if jimmy was mr. las vegas for the week that he's there? he will be mr. las vegas, you'll only have to give the title for one week. what do you think wayne said? >> what did he say? >> jimmy: he said no. [ laughter ] i couldn't even be mr. las vegas for one week, thanks to wayne newton. let's throw eggs at his house or something. >> let's do it. >> jimmy: toilet paper, whatever, you know? >> that will go so viral. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: you want to do it? let's do it.

>> jimmy: i feel you're like paul banyan, not just size-wise, in that there are legendary stories about you that you read, that you hear, that some are true, some i'm sure are thought true. but i have some of these stories. i want to go through them. you can tell me whether they are -- i believe we've given this the title "shaq or bull-shaq." when we return, we'll check in with shaquille o'neal. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ i'm in a room with the famous faces ♪ “ready and action!” ♪ oh, i feel like scorsese ♪ ♪ ♪ yeah, this sure is like a movie ♪ ♪ (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah) ♪ ♪ whoa, we're 'bout to make a movie, ♪ ♪ woo ♪ ♪ ♪ roll out the red carpet for me ♪ “ladies and gentlemen, that's a wrap!" i have moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. now, there's skyrizi.

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you score on me, i come on the show buck naked. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: still fully clothed. >> that's false footage, that didn't happen. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're accusing me of deep faking that basketball shot? >> yes, you did, you did "we're back with shaquille o'neal. it's time to play "shaq or bull-shaq." true or false, you bought a house because it was across the street from paula abdul's house? >> true. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is true. >> so true. i was here in l.a., i was looking, i really liked the house. the guy was like, paula abdul. she lives across the street. who? paula abdul. i'll take it. you want to look inside? no, i'll take it. >> did you interact with paula? >> yes, we have the same business manager. she's a very nice lady. have i ever dated her or flirted with her, no. >> jimmy: no, just moved right

across the street from her. [ laughter ] >> i would look, every time she came outside, i would accidentally come outside. "hey, paula, how are you?" >> jimmy: just getting the mail. >> that's a true story. >> jimmy: true or false, you have a two-story closet. >> yes. >> jimmy: there's a staircase in your closet? >> staircase in the closet that goes down to another bedroom. >> immy: what's in there? >> clothes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you have things displayed? do you have like the "kazaam" genie suit in there? >> i do. [ applause ] >> jimmy: on the wall? >> yes, on the wall. >> jimmy: it is. >> you want to buy it? >> jimmy: i'd love to put it on at some point. >> all right, deal. >> jimmy: okay. you once put a teammate, when you were on the phoenix suns, in a sleeper hold and rendered him unconscious shortly before a game. >> true. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why did you do that?

>> because somebody from his country was fighting a guy that i knew in mma. he just kept talking, "oh my bro, we have a game," kept to it. he got in my face and my reflexes just -- [ laughter ] i didn't want to do it on purpose, but he came in my space and my reflexes -- >> jimmy: have you knocked a lot of people out with the sleeper hold? yeah. [ laughter and applause ] >> yes. >> jimmy: do you ever do it for fun? >> yeah, i do. i'll do it on guillermo. >> jimmy: no, guillermo, i don't want you in the sleeper hold. >> guillermo: all right. >> jimmy: you minot wake up, what am i going to do? that's something that -- yeah, i've experienced. and it's pretty crazy. >> it is. >> jimmy: rowdy roddy piper came to my house, put a friend of ours named david into a sleeper hold. it was spectacular. [ laughter ] all right. in a fit of anger, you once pulled a urinal off the wall. >> i have. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a urinal? >> yes.

so you remember -- you remember when i first got to l.a., '96, we would always lose in the playoffs, but we'd always get swept. this was the time where shaq said, he's a great player, but is he really a great player? he's not winning championships. i never thought we would win. every year we got better, kobe and myself. when it would come to the playoffs, we'd lose. the one last time before we hit three in a row, i went in his office, i ripped it off the wall. jerry west told me a story i didn't know. "son, calm down. i went to the finals nine times before i won with the lakers." i didn't feel as bad. i'm ripping the urinal off and i'm like, hold on, you went to the finals nine times and lost? [ laughter and applause ] he said, calm down, you'll get it, you'll get it. i had urine and stuff all over me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: were you surprised you were able to pull the urinal off the wall? >> i was pissed, i was. >> jimmy: you had the chance to sign nsync and the backstreet

boys to a record contract but didn't? >> i didn't, yes. >> jimmy: how did that happen? >> they used to use my studio for $25 a day. >> jimmy: in orlando? >> i had this state-of-the-art studio in my house. they lived around the corner. they said, hey, man, can we record in your studio? only charged them $25. i should have signed them up but i didn't. >> jimmy: why didn't you sign them? >> i don't know. [ laughter ] i don't know. >> jimmy: you didn't -- but who came first, the backstreet boys or nsync? >> it was backstreet boys. >> jimmy: backstreet boys. the backstreet boys you decided not to sign them, then did they become successful? then nsync came, and you said, i'm not going to sign them either? [ laughter ] >> no, they used to just come -- because like -- they just used to call me, can we use the studio? i'm like, sure. just let them do it. but i should have signed them both up, but i didn't. >> jimmy: it's probably not too late. [ laughter ] >> every time i hear that damn song, man that could have been mine. ♪ bye bye bye ♪ ♪ bye bye bye ♪

[ applause ] >> jimmy: you could probably buy, buy, buy another mansion with the money from that. now this i hope is true. you and your entire family have received haircuts while dining at a restaurant? >> no, that's not. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not true? >> no, who would do that? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know, if anyone would do it, it would probably be you. >> i don't want to eat in a restaurant and get hair all over my food. >> jimmy: it doesn't make a lot of sense. you don't have a ton of hair, maybe a little shave. >> not true. >> jimmy: inspired by the incredible hulk, you destroyed a car by hand. >> yes, i did. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what kind of vehicle was it? >> i remember it was a beige toyota corolla. >> jimmy: a beige -- was it yours? >> no, it was some -- well. it was some guy's. it got stolen. but it was right there in front. when i was doing it, the cops rolled by, saw me doing it, they thought i stole it. luckily the cops who rolled by

were my uncles. [ laughter ] they took me and they just sat me in jail for a day, a whole day, a whole night. said, hey, you have a decision to make, you can either start listening to us and go the right way or go the wrong way. after that day i kind of chilled out. true story. >> jimmy: this is when you were a kid? >> yes. >> jimmy: otherwise it wouldn't make a whole lot of sense that you stole a beige toyota corolla. [ laughter ] or, really, a beige car of any make and model. >> right. >> jimmy: is it true that you have expressed desire to date a woman named shaquille? >> yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it is? >> yes. no, i've met a few. >> jimmy: so you could yell out your own name during sex? [ laughter and applause ] all right, one more. >> shaquille! shaquille! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is it true that a middle eastern princess proposed

marriage to you? >> yes. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: did she give you a ring? >> no, she just came and we went on a date, but she was too -- way too aggressive for me. >> jimmy: well, yeah. you didn't think about it for a minute? >> no, i didn't. because she -- she wanted to pay for everything and i'm not used to that. >> jimmy: right, yeah. >> so we went out to dinner, "oh, no, your money is no good here." she put out a credit card. i was like -- [ laughter ] yeah, and i didn't feel right. >> jimmy: the key to your heart is just not pay for anything? >> right, right. [ laughter ] let me take care of it. >> jimmy: thank you for going through that with us. >> how did you figure out these stories? >> jimmy: i don't know, we have people who are learning about you 24 hours a day, yeah. [ laughter ] it is true, you are having a concert, october 2nd, boys and girls club, for underprivileged kids. it's called "the event" at the mgm grand in las vegas. it's a fantastic lineup led by a fantastic man.

shaquille o'neal, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] thanks, shaq. we'll be back with maisie peters! ♪ snapped up this designer trench at marshalls. shoulda cost a lot more. ♪ ♪ stop! clearing breakouts doesn't have to be harsh on your sensitive skin. new cetaphil gentle clear contains balanced formulas that gently clear breakouts and soothe sensitive skin. cetaphil. complete acne care for sensitive skin. now in the acne aisle.

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>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: her album is called "you signed up for this." here with the song "psycho," maisie peters! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ you kept me as your favorite secret and i thought we just took it slow ♪ ♪ they said your girlfriend's from the beaches it's funny how everybody but me knows ♪ ♪ i feel like you feel nothing that's fine please leave this behind ♪ ♪ you're losing your mind calling me a hundred times time you drew a line and stopped wasting mine ♪ ♪ miss me that's a lie lie lie ♪ ♪ now that i'm over that hill

you wanna say how you feel ♪ ♪ crazy to think that you still call me psycho ♪ ♪ you wanna talk not ideal heard i moved on babe that's real ♪ ♪ and you gotta a girl but you still call me psycho ♪ ♪ now that i'm over that hill you wanna say how you feel ♪ ♪ crazy to think that you still call me psycho ♪ ♪ you wanna talk not ideal heard i moved on babe that's real ♪ ♪ and you gotta a girl but you still call me psycho ♪ ♪ playing a perfect patrick bateman put blame on anyone but you ♪ ♪ all kinds of ghosts down in your basement you made feel so useful then so used ♪ ♪ i feel like you feel nothing that's fine please leave this behind ♪ ♪ you're losing your mind calling me a hundred times time you drew a line and stopped wasting mine ♪ ♪ miss me that's a lie lie lie ♪ ♪ now that i'm over that hill

you wanna say how you feel ♪ ♪ crazy to think that you still call me psycho ♪ ♪ you wanna talk not ideal heard i moved on babe that's real ♪ ♪ and you gotta a girl but you still call me psycho ♪ ♪ now that i'm over that hill you wanna say how you feel ♪ ♪ crazy to think that you still call me psycho ♪ ♪ you wanna talk not ideal heard i moved on babe that's real ♪ ♪ and you gotta a girl but you still call me psycho ♪ ♪ you don't want me at all but you don't want to me fall for anyone ♪ ♪ but you'll go with anyone and you still call me psycho ♪ ♪ you don't want me at all but you don't want to me fall for anyone ♪ ♪ when all is said and done you still call me psycho ♪ ♪ all your exes found me and so beware we're all friends now maybe you should be scared ♪ ♪ you're so crazy baby who has two phones one for her and one

to still call me psycho ♪ ♪ now that i'm over that hill you wanna say how you feel ♪ ♪ crazy to think that you still call me psycho ♪ ♪ you wanna talk not ideal heard i moved on babe that's real ♪ ♪ and you gotta a girl but you still call me psycho ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. ♪ [crunch] ♪ [crunch] ♪ ♪ nachos: better with pepsi. ahh!

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i want to thank shaquille o'neal and maisie peters. apologies to matt damon. tomorrow night, kristen bell, kirby howell-baptiste and metallica. "nightline" is next. thanks for watching. you perverts. good night!

♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, r. kelly insider. ♪ i believe i can fly ♪ >> the "i believe i can fly" singer facing accusations that may land him in prison for life. now his former assistant breaking her silence. >> he's charismatic, and i think that's one of the reasons why people kind of say he has two personalities. >> what she says about allegations against the singer, who is accused of sexually abusing and controlling young women, some underage. >> my johnstons at the threshold of his bedroom door. plus the people's champion. we're with one of the greatest boxers of all time. how canelo alvarez beat the odds and is lifting a latino community.