tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC September 28, 2021 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
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have a good night. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- gabrielle union, mark duplass, and music from angels & airwaves. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. thank you. thank you. guillermo. thanks. i'm jimmy, yap the host of the show. thank you for watching. relax, please. we have a lot to go through tonight. a new group of bachelorette hopefuls, a new richest man in the world, but before all that, i feel like we have no choice but to review the contents of a
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new book about donald trump. you remember that guy? [ laughter ] okay. today we got a fresh batch of inside stuff. way inside stuff. from stephanie grisham, who served as trump's white house press secretary, and melania's chief of staff, she was on the inside from day one. she's got a book, it's called "i'll take your questions now." and you're not gonna believe this. turns out this trump character is a real nut. [ laughter ] according to ms. grisham, trump cuts his own hair with a giant pair of scissors, which is by far the least-shocking revelation of all of them. let's just run through them. grisham says that during the g-20 summit in 2019, trump told putin before their meeting, "okay, i'm going to act a little tougher with you for a few minutes. but it's for the cameras, and after they leave we'll talk. you understand." which that's not something a president says to another world leader. especially vladimir putin. that's something hulk hogan says to andre the giant. before wrestlemania. [ laughter ] when all the stormy daniels
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stuff came out, grisham says trump called her from air force one to let her know his penis was not small or toadstool shaped. [ laughter ] which is basically confirmation that his penis is small and toadstool shaped. [ laughter ] [ applause ] "thank you for letting me know, mr. president. gisham also details the lengths staffers would go to to mitigate his temper tantrums. she says the white house had an official they called the "music man." turns out this guy happened to be her boyfriend at thetime, who would play trump's favorite show tunes to calm him down. i love that. "the president is furious. someone get his chita rivera cd stat!" [ laughter ] one of the songs they would play to cool trump down was "memory" from "cats." [ laughter ] of course that's trump's favorite showtune, from the only musical that grabs you by the pussy. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ stephanie grisham, who sat and
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quietly watched all this lunacy go down, admits she should have spoken up more. more? in the nine months she was press secretary, she didn't hold a single press conference. she should have spoken up once. that would have been more than -- by the way, it's not just her. no one spoke up. all these so-called "adults in the room." as they like to call themselves. if the president is snorting adderall and throwing fried chicken at foreign leaders, maybe don't wait three years to. but this was the funniest bombshell. a couple of years ago, you remember back in 2019, when trump took that mysterious trip to walter reed hospital? people were thinking maybe he had a heart attack or a stroke or something? well, it was neither of those. he went to the hospital to have a colonoscopy. and he had it without anesthesia, for two reasons. number one, because he didn't want to give power to mike pence, even for a short time, for real. number two, he didn't want to be "the butt of a joke" on late-night tv. [ laughter ] i have to admit, it does give me some satisfaction, as a late night talk show host to know that he opted to stay awake while they augered his innards with a sewer snake -- [ laughter ]
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-- specifically because he didn't want us making fun of it. i feel good, and i also feel cheated. because when a president, especially this president, gets a clan copy, it is my duty -- that's right, my duty -- to make jokes about it. [ cheers and applause ] so, to make up for what i am contractually and ethically obligated to deliver, it's time for some trump colonoscopy jokes. [ cheers and applause ] they're a few years old, but i think you're going to like them. all right. here we go. jonathan, i'm going to need you. the president went to walter reed hospital for a colonoscopy today. it took a while because the doctor kept accidentally sticking the camera in his mouth. [ rim shot ] [ applause ] as soon as they turned the camera on, trump turned around and said "hey doc, how are the ratings?" [ rim shot ] the president's doctor decided to schedule the procedure after the white house toilet killed itself. [ rim shot ] it was a good thing trump had
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this done, because they found two cancerous polyps. [ laughter ] removed immediately. [ rim shot ] the doctors said the hardest thing about giving trump a colonoscopy was getting the camera around mike pence's nose. [ rim shot ] but trump thought it went great. overall. he got a perfect report. afterwards the whole medical team kept saying, "wow, what an unbelievable [ bleep ] hole." [ rim shot ] thank you. that felt good. [ cheers and applause ] hey, you know what? he gave us a colonoscopy for four years, it's about time we gave one back. today, by the way, is national voter registration day. california, as of yesterday is a vote-by-mail state. which means that all voters here get a ballot mailed to them, whether they request it or not. republicans oppose this. they are concerned that if states send ballots to all eligible voters, those voters might vote. which could be a disaster for their party. [ laughter ] guillermo, did you watch the football game last night? >> guillermo: of course. >> jimmy: guillermo's a big dallas cowboys fan. the cowboys won, they beat
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philadelphia. and after the game, the quarterback for the eagles, jalen hurts, put the loss and moving on from the loss in perspective, using terms i've not heard from a professional athlete before. >> gonna learn from it, learn from it, be a better team from it, i believe that. i truly believe that. you know, you take your dues. you don't sit there and look at it, you flush it and move on. we're gonna flush it and move on. >> jimmy: speak for yourself. by the way, imagine losing a game, getting crushed really by your arch-rival, and you head back to the shower and put on a beautiful pink sports jacket with a rose in the lapel. that's a lot of panache. this was good too. one of the unexpected delights of this nfl season has been watching eli and peyton manning call the games monday night on espn2. last night, eli shared a colorful anecdote about playing in philly where the fans are very tough that may have been a bit too colorful. >> you go to philly, you're
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getting the double bird right away from a 9-year-old kid. i would give the bird -- can you do that? i'm sure you can blur that out, right? all right, all right, sorry. earlier i gave the double bird, i guess that was frowned upon, i apologize. if i offended anybody -- that's what a 9-year-old did to me, i thought i could do it back. >> jimmy: two wrongs don't make a right, eli, you know that. [ laughter ] for those of you who do not watch football on mondays, you may be interested to learn that we now know the identity of the 30 men who will compete for the chance to become bachelorette michelle's future former fiancé. abc unveiled the cast for a new season of "the bachelorette." the contestants represent every kind of american man, from wellness coach to yoga teacher. to well innocenceness coach. [ laughter ] this year, they're being conservative. they whittled it down to only two brandons. who, as you can see, are doing the exact same pose. which is so brandon. [ laughter ]
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they put out biographies for the guys. some of them are confusing. this one stood out in particular. chris g. is a motivational speaker from canada. he loves skate brooms and performs spoken word poetry. to me, any room where spoken word poetry is being performed is an escape room. chris g. also has two cats, named "cat" and "small cat." honestly, i hope he wins so we find out what they'd name their kids. [ laughter ] as usual, many of the guys, have similar professions and with that said it's time to play "medical sales rep or personal trainer?" [ cheers and applause ] it's an easy game. i'll show you one of the contestants, you will guess whether that man is a medical sales rep or a personal trainer. got it? gee guillermo? >> guillermo: i got it. >> jimmy: okay. number one. medical sales rep or personal trainer? oh, we have a split. and it is? medical sales rep. next, medical sales rep or personal trainer?
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you say personal trainer? they say, yes, correct. very good. [ cheers and applause ] medical sales rep or personal trainer? and he is a -- medical sales rep. [ cheers and applause ] medical sales rep or personal trainer? yeah, has to be a personal trainer. that is correct. [ applause ] i believe we have one more. medical sales rep or personal trainer? the audience says medical sales rep. he says? what? what the hell? [ laughter ] don't these nerds get rejected enough in real life? [ laughter ] elon musk is the world's richest person again according to "forbes." the richest part has been verified, the person part has not. [ laughter ] he's reported to be worth over $200 billion. elon musk has more money than greece. the country, not the musical.
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the musical too, he has more money than both of them. the news comes days after he split from the mother of his child, the magician grimes, who is now his "spacex." did somebody go aww? [ laughter ] elon musk beats out jeff bezos. the bible says it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of god. now elon is working on shrinking camels. [ laughter ] speaking of the bible, tucker carlson worked himself up into a religious lather last night, over a covid-themed nativity scene. >> you can pick up this masked nativity scene online. look closely. it features mary, joseph, and the baby jesus all with their faces covered. as they should be even in a manger. they're masked. just like you are. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i guess it was a slow ourage day, i don't know. maybe there were no gay superheroes for tuck tore scream
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about. but he was fired up and got 18 i can't remember and more preposterous from there. >> for 15 bucks at etsy, you can buy a patron saint of staying at home prayer candle. we read the reviews. love it! exclamation point. i may have to set up an altar to place it on! exclamation point. there's a new convert. i put this in my office, i work in public health and this makes me smile every time i look at it. of course it makes you smile. virtue is its own reward. >> jimmy: like this is some kind of anti-jesus uprising on etsy. the fact that these candles with the famous people on them have been around for years, you could get bill nye the science guy, judge judy, keith urban, lizzo, the golden girls, there's even one of me. [ cheers and applause ] by the way, tucker, if you
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continue and search your own name on etsy, you would find this product, a tucker carlson is a douchebag shirt. [ applause ] 4.9 stars, congratulations. it's interesting to hear these guys talk about covid as if everything they said about it hasn't been wrong since day one. that's how it goes, i guess. to remind us of who said what, we take a look back at what was in the news a year ago. it's time for "this week in covid history." >> this week in covid history, as we end september 2020, the men who would be president have a "get to know you." [ cross talk ] >> why wouldn't you answer that question? >> the question is -- >> radical left -- >> the question is -- >> will you shut up, man? >> someone had to say it. next, it's time to play everyone's favorite game. >> do you condemn white
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supremacists? >> are you willing tonight to condemn white supremacists? >> proud boys, stand back and stand by. [ buzzer ] >> the answer was "yes." but winning isn't everything. >> by every measure we won the debate easily last night. >> let's double-check that measure. >> this was the most chaotic presidential debate i've ever seen. >> what a dark event we have just witnessed. >> a low point in american political discourse. >> that was a [ bleep ] show. >> and the [ bleep ] show must go on. it's party time. as the president throws a rose-colored hoosegow where the enthusiasm is positively contagious. >> mike lee testing positive. >> okay, but that's just one person. >> kellyanne conway testing positive for covid-19. >> thom tillis tested positive. >> reverend jen since positive. >> chris christie hospitalized. >> tested positive for the coronavirus. >> oh, well. so long as the president is --
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>> this is a fox news alert. president trump just tweeted moments ago that he and the first lady have tested positive for the coronavirus. >> well, he beat syphilis, he's sure to beat this. >> i'm going to walter reed hospital. i think i'm doing very well. i just want to tell you that i'm starting to feel good. and we have enthusiasm like probably nobody's ever had. our people that love the job we're doing -- >> i am doing bigly. i feel very very very very very very -- >> he's fine, what a relief. thanks, satan. this has been "this week in covid history." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a good show for you tonight. from "the morning show," mark duplass is here. we have music from angels and airwaves. and we'll be back rightly with gabrielle union. so stick around!
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so even a routine appointment can save your life. and i see you're due for a mammogram. should we schedule it? a leader in the prevention, early detection and treatment of cancer. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight, from "the morning show" on appletv plus. mark duplass is here. then later, their u.s. tour kicks off tomorrow in riverside, the new album is called "lifeforms." music from angels & airwaves on the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, ll cool j and nick robinson will join us. with music from tems. and on thursday night, charlize theron, elvis costello, and juanes will be playing music with elvis too. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest is a woman of many talents.
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she's just written this book, a "new york times" bestseller, "you got anything stronger?" it's available now. please welcome gabrielle union! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thanks for coming. last time i saw you was over video chat. here you are in person. >> yes. >> jimmy: you've written a second memoir, which is something most people write one memoir, you wrote two. >> yeah, i got a lot of stuff to say. >> jimmy: got a lot of stuff to say. >> i left out a lot of the good stuff in the first one, i got nervous. >> jimmy: can i ask you a question about this? i wonder, the stuff that's in the second book, was this stuff you were scared to share and then you decided, oh, it worked out okay so now i will? like you took a baby step with the first book? >> none of it really worked out okay. >> jimmy: it didn't? >> no, not at all. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> i just got a lot of therapy.
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and i realized that being honest and being transparent actually never really hurt anybody. and so i just went for it with the second one. and i left it all in there. yeah. thankfully. >> jimmy: it's called "you got anything stronger?" [ cheers and applause ] the last one was called "we're going to need more wine." is it possible you have a drinking problem? [ laughter ] >> i like to say i'm brand. >> jimmy: there's a lot of stuff, serious stuff, fun stuff. some of the fun stuff, you like to go to strip clubs, which is interesting. >> absolutely. >> jimmy: you say you like to go to strip clubs. how many times in a year would something like this happen? >> prepandemic? >> jimmy: prepandemic. >> yeah, 10, 15 times? >> jimmy: really? >> i'm a connoisseur. >> jimmy: wow. >> i'm a connoisseur. >> jimmy: you have, like, a monthly outing? >> yeah it probably averages out about that, yeah. >> jimmy: is it like norm, at "cheers," you walk in, "yeah,
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gabrielle!" they have a plaque or something? >> there's a famous club in atlanta, magic city -- [ cheers ] >> yeah, you know it, you know it. >> jimmy: they just had a baby. >> you need a little magic. when i walk in, they're like, "gab union!" but yeah, it's like a welcome -- a welcoming place. >> jimmy: it's a welcoming place. >> the ladies are very welcoming. but they're all different. >> jimmy: how much is the most you've ever dropped in an evening at one of those places? >> oh, my business manager is like -- i don't know, probably -- 10, 20 -- thousand? >> jimmy: $10,000 or $20,000? >> yeah you don't really think about it because -- the booze. [ laughter ] you want to make sure all the ladies go home with a little something. >> jimmy: $10,000 or $20,000? [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh my god, wow. wow. now i understand why you split
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your memoir into two books. [ laughter ] twice as much money, you got bills to pay. wow, that's something else. so does dwyane wade, your husband go with you? great basketball player. does he accompany you on these outings? >> i think in the beginning when we first started hanging out, i would see some of his teammates, who shall remain nameless, but you know who you are. i would see some of those teammates but he would be like, no, i'm going to go home. i was like, don't be afraid, babe, come with me. i think he was a little intimidated by "gab's back!" [ laughter ] here she comes with high pressure wallet! [ laughter ] it's something we did in the beginning, but no, it's more a solo operation, or me with my friends. >> jimmy: interesting. >> it's a good time, jimmy. >> jimmy: i'd like to go with you, i don't know if i'd go by myself. me, you and dwyane. [ laughter ] you wrote a story about thanksgiving dinner with your family. this is interesting.
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yet another, i think in a way -- your family was nervous that dwyane was going to take your money? >> yes. because it had happened before, there was precedent there. otherwise known as my first marriage. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes. >> that's me a little lighter. >> jimmy: we're talking about a guy who's making a lot of money, dwyane. >> that's what we were talking about with the first one, too. [ laughter ] then there was a change of fortune. bring it on, hit. [ cheers ] thank you. it led to me, you know, when it was over, i had to write the check. my family really didn't like it because it cut into their budget. >> jimmy: yeah, the strippers were probably upset, too. [ laughter ] >> yes. widespread outrage. so when he first met dwyane he was like, what are your intentions? what do you want from my daughter? her love? there was a lot of distrust in the beginning. >> jimmy: wow. >> by thanksgiving of that year, you know, his family was all
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there. me and my dad, we like to mix in some of our friends that we've collected over the years. so i had brought with me some friends from adult entertainment who do adult work. >> jimmy: really? >> in films. yeah. different kinds of actors. >> jimmy: you brought them to thanksgiving? >> absolutely. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. >> absolutely. >> jimmy: your dad was thrilled? >> i don't think he put it together. he was like, you guys look familiar. i'm like, i bet. [ laughter ] but you told on yourself, dad. >> jimmy: can i tell you something? what i'm realizing in this conversation is that i'm not having any fun. [ laughter ] you guys are having a lot more fun. in fact, when we come back, i want to go through some of the fun you guys have had. gabrielle union is with us. [ cheers and applause ] this is her book, "you got anything stronger?" be right back. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by walmart's top rated by kids toy list. know exactly what your kids want.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: we are back with gabrielle union. this is her book. it is called "you got anything stronger?" shocking revelations, some interesting things we learned about you and about your hobbies i guess is a good way to put it. i saw you guys were on -- you and dwyane were on a trip, a yacht vacation. >> we were. >> jimmy: fascinating to me because i have been trying to -- magic johnson and sam jackson, you know about this, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: have you been invited on this? >> we've been invited to hang out with magic, sure.
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but no, i mean -- we're normally on vacation at the same time. but his, you know, rolling metropolis goes by, and then it's like -- it shakes our little dinghy that we're on. >> jimmy: you've seen his yacht? >> you can't miss his yacht. >> jimmy: i'm trying to get on his yacht and he won't let me on his yacht. [ laughter ] i've asked him so many times. and guess what he says every time? "yeah, sure, you can come." next thing i know, i'm looking on instagram, i see it, i'm not there. >> no. >> jimmy: you went on quite a trip, it looks like. the reason i bring this up is because i've noticed a pattern here. [ cheers and applause ] there's dwyane in sardinia. here you are together in paris. here is another shot of you guys in paris. now what happened? did dwyane's shirts get lost on the plane? [ laughter ] >> he was firmly committed to a shirtless summer. >> jimmy: shirtless summer? >> and i was here for it. i don't often chime in about his
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fashion choices but i was here for it. >> jimmy: do you chime in? he's a very snazzy dresser. >> he when is he wears clothes, yeah. [ laughter ] only on occasion will be like -- he like is a shmedium. probably a large/extra large. but he likes a shmedium, a slim fit. slim fit pants, if you are a blessed person, a blessed gentleman -- i was like, uh -- a lot of information there with that slim fit. >> jimmy: oh. >> with that particular cut. i can see your heartbeat. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so if it's too reveal until that way, you will nix those pants? >> i will give him a heads-up that it could be a problem. he rarely listens. he's like, what is the eggplant emoji and why is that in my comments? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: does he really not know? >> he knows now. [ laughter ] i think it's the goal.
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i think it's the goal is to have his comment section filled with -- >> jimmy: that's not a problem, my wife criticizes my outfits but we've not had that discussion. [ laughter ] [ applause ] how long have you been together? >> we've been married -- just celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: your seventh wedding anniversary. i feel like you were together for quite a while before that, right? >> off and on, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: who kind of fell for who tures first? i know there was a mutual interest, but -- >> funny sto nny story story sty over years. the first night i swore he said i love you, perhaps alcohol involved. at the end of the night, we embrace, i definitely thought i heard him say, i love you. so i don't respond. i was like, too soon. i don't even know -- >> jimmy: you say nothing? >> i went straight nothing. >> jimmy: gotcha.
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>> cold turkey. the next day i was like, i don't want the weekend to be weird. i was like, hey, about what you said last night. i love you too. and he was like -- years go by and someone asked us this question, who said they loved each other first? oh, he did. he's like, actually, let's get back to that, i didn't say that, i never said that. but then once you open the door to the i love yous, they never stop. >> jimmy: can i tell you something? that's a strong move, if there's some question. i think this is educational for people. [ laughter ] when it's like, are you going to say it? who's going to say it first? you say to the person, "i love you too." >> yeah, then they'll be like, wait, did i say it? >> jimmy:dy sate it? or does he just know? what is going on here exactly? it confuses them and it sets the tone of confusion for the rest of your relationship. [ laughter ] [ applause ]
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>> he's confused right now. >> jimmy: well, it's very good to see you. are you going to come up with a third book? >> i got to have a little bit more living to do. i think i left it all in the second. >> jimmy: you put it all in there. >> other people start saying, that's brave! i'm like, too much? >> jimmy: oh, is that right? >> too much? >> jimmy: that's brave is like, did i go too far? >> too far, i think, yeah. >> jimmy: okay, all right. well, i love you too. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> i love you, jimmy. >> jimmy: gabrielle union, everybody. her book, "you got anything stronger" is out now. be back with mark duplass. serena williams... wonder woman. serena... wonder woman... serena... wonder woman... ♪ ♪ ace. advantage! you cannot be serious! ♪ ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: music from angels & airwaves is on the way. our next guest is an actor, writer, and filmmaker extraordinaire. you can see him now, along with an aniston and a witherspoon, in "the morning show." new episodes come out fridays on appletv plus. please welcome mark duplass. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm doing all right, how are you? >> jimmy: i'm good. it's good to see you. >> good to see you too, man. >> jimmy: you're out of the hole now, huh? >> out of the hole. >> jimmy: people haven't seen "the morning show," you play a producer on the show.
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one of these tv news morning shows. which seems like kind of a terrible job. >> i mean, i hear it's pretty awful. you know, there are these personalities you have to deal with, these live television hosts that have egos -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> insecurities. i don't know. >> jimmy: so i've heard, yeah. >> yes, it's a thing. >> jimmy: that's a morning thing, really. [ laughter ] >> yeah, i think that's right. >> jimmy: probably related to how early people are waking up. >> that's what i hear, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: and the show has received numerous accolades. you yourself included. [ cheers and applause ] emmy nomination. you're part of this cast that is like a dream team. >> yeah. >> jimmy: of course, you know, jennifer aniston, reese witherspoon. then you add steve carell, who you punched on the show. >> i did. >>jimmy: what is it like to punch steve carell? >> you know, it's an interesting thing. >> jimmy: he's one of the maybe least-punchable people in the
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world. >> he's uncle steve. you love steve, he's so sweet. i was kind of nervous. i grew up in new orleans, i punched a couple of people, you know. as we were getting into the fight choreography for the scene, i was sort of like, you know, steve, let me take the fall on this one. you fall on me, i'll protect you. and he was sort of like, mark, i'm not sure you want to do that and took off his jacket. i saw him for the first time in his natural state, tight sweater. and the dude is yoked. [ laughter ] like terminator jacked. they hide it in the movies because they want him to be sweet stevie. >> jimmy: interesting. >> and i was like -- no longer afraid to hurt uncle steve. i was like, i don't know if i'm going to make it out of here alive. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. it's interesting. a different way -- by the way, there's nothing less tough-sounding than "fight choreography." [ laughter ] >> yeah, exactly. >> jimmy: that takes the brutality of it and turns it into ballet. but yeah, i guess -- yeah, you're right. i'm going to have to look -- i'm
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going to have to inspect his body the next time i see him. [ laughter ] >> listen, you need to do a lot more inspecting of male bodies. >> jimmy: yeah. you know what that's on my new year's resolution list. >> you got it, you got it. >> jimmy: your wife, katie aselton, very talented, plays your fiancee on the show. your wife in real life playing your fiancee on the show. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i assume covid had something to do with that, yes? >> yeah, we were lucky. you know, it was the height of covid. she was supposed to be on another movie. she fell out. we got a score in getting her on the show. but there was an extra complication, which is that my character is supposed to be making out with my fiancee's character on the show. in the middle of covid and touch each other, much less make out. the producers were thinking, how are we going to find someone to safely make out with mark? we totally scored with katie. everybody was happy. except for the night before we're about to shoot, katie and i are going to bed, and we're
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like, wait a minute. so we need to play a couple who has just recently met, who's desperately excited to be kissing each other, with fireworks everywhere. [ laughter ] we've been married for 20 years. our kisses don't look like that anymore. [ laughter ] so i was like, well, that's really a problem. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i did what any husband and scene partner would do. i said, listen, you just need to replace me in your head with whatever you need to do in that moment. close your eyes and pull one of those ryans, a reynolds or a gosling, maybe there's a hemsworth or somebody, don't tell me who it is, don't ever tell me who it is. >> jimmy: what if it's a carell with his rippling body? [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> it could be. >> jimmy: i don't want to throw things out there. >> i really wish you hadn't said that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: reading into this conversation, when you do have a love scene or make-out scene
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with an actress, you're super excited to do it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's usually a really dieting thing. but this one -- >> jimmy: everyone says the opposite. >> oh, you know -- >> jimmy: that's a lie? >> in my opinion, to be a professional actor, you have to say, oh, a kissing scene, it's like a fight scene, it's choreography, there's nothing romantic about it. and that is the right thing to say. but the truth of the matter is -- things happen and people get excited. >> jimmy: you're saying you've been excited, you've been physically excited? dare i say erect? during a scene? [ laughter ] >> emotionally, yes. i will give -- >> jimmy: emotionally erect? >> i'll give in to emotionally, yes. [ laughter ] listen, surprises happen on sets. anything can happen. >> jimmy: wow. >> that's the way it is, yes. >> jimmy: wow, that's the footage we want to see at the end of the movie where everything is fun and there's all these bloopers. then there's, you know, bob with a boner. [ laughter ]
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>> right. >> jimmy: great title for a show, by the way. >> yes. >> jimmy: you are -- are you a good kisser? do you feel like you deliver in those situations? >> humble beginnings. my first kiss was a little bit of a problem. >> jimmy: how old were you? >> i was like 13. i think i was in seventh grade. you know, they're always kind of set up at that time. you know what's going to happen. we got tickets to see "who framed roger rabbit?" mark and shannon going to the movie theater. i know which seats we're going to sit in. i've been practicing in the mirror for four weeks. this is before tiktok and youtube instructional videos. i'm like, just -- i was just told, move the tongue in really fast circles consistently, and this will be a successful kiss. nothing to do with chemistry. just a sporting event. [ laughter ] so -- and so i go in, i thought i performed really, really well.
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and -- and the next day at school i show up. and everybody's like, what's up, mark the shark? i'm like, what did you say? what's up, mark the shark? and shannon had apparently told everyone that i bit her tongue. >> jimmy: oh. did you? >> i don't think i did. i don't know why she would lie. listen, i believe women, okay? this is 2021. so i have to really believe at this point, i must have done something wrong. >> jimmy: well, you hear the phrase "bite your tongue." you don't know which one they mean. you mean mine? you mean hers? it doesn't make sense. >> the worst part is i still haven't seen "who framed roger rabbit?" i'm too emotionally triggered, i can't get there. >> jimmy: you worked a lot over covid. little about this movie.d a - explain the idea behind this movie. >> i made a movie called "language lessons." two months into the pandemic.
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we were struggling. am i going to bake bread? i'd watched the '90s comedyes with my kids. i thought, i'll brush up on my spanish. i started taking online lessons with this institute in guatemala. and weirdly enough, i started developing kind of a really deeper emotional connection with this spanish teacher over 2d facetime. wow, this is interesting in a time when we're feeling isolated and alone, i'm developing a bigger connection. so i called my friend, natalie morales, a wonderful actor/filmmaker, made a movie called "plan "b."" if you haven't seen it, it's incredible. we joined forces and wrote an outline in a week, shot in five days, had a movie four weeks later. >> jimmy: the movie is about your relationship with this translator? or teacher? >> yes, it's a platonic love story. i really like the idea of putting something out there at this time that said, we can really connect through video communication, even in a time where we can't be together in
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person. but perhaps more importantly, and my wife katie will tell you this, i have sort of an obsession with shooting movies in the houses we live in. and we were about to sell this house. and i was like, i have to shoot a movie in this house before we sell it, get my money's worth out of this house. >> jimmy: really? >> yes. that was really the main motivation, yes. >> jimmy: what a beautiful sentiment. it sounded like a really lovely film, then you turned it into a tax incentive. [ laughter ] >> really, that's what art is all about, at the end of the day. a good write-off. >> jimmy: that sounds like a good date movie for us, guillermo. what is the movie called? >> "language lessons." it's in theaters now, out for rental in a couple of weeks. >> jimmy: and of course "the morning show." new episodes fridays on apple tv plus. mark duplass, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] be right back with angels and airwaves!
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♪ ♪ but tonight you're the chosen one letting those wildest young horses run ♪ ♪ letting the wind blow through broken glass washing ashore with no life in the raft ♪ ♪ hey there little sad girl i really want to hold you your heart is like time bomb ♪ ♪ and it's going to start to kill you but in such a very sad world ♪ ♪ there are still things to discover it's possible to hang on 'cause your story ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ isn't over you are an accident
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waiting to happen revenge doesn't work ♪ ♪ if we're laughing there's danger so close to that edge prettiest thing left ♪ ♪ here laid on the bed don't lead hey there little sad girl don't lead me on ♪ ♪ i really want to hold you don't lead your heart is like time bomb ♪ ♪ don't lead me on and it's going to start to kill you don't lead ♪ ♪ but in such a very sad world don't lead me on there are still ♪ ♪ things to discover don't lead it's possible to hang on don't lead me on ♪ ♪ cause your story isn't over ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ hey there little sad girl ♪
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don't lead me on i really want to hold you don't lead ♪ ♪ such a very sad world ♪ there are still things to discover don't lead ♪ ♪ it's possible to hang on don't lead me on cause your story isn't over ♪ ♪ ♪ hey there little sad girl i really wanna hold ya ♪ ♪ it's possible to hang on cause your story isn't over ♪ ♪ you're such a little sad girl but your story isn't over ♪ ♪ it's possible to hang on cause your story isn't over ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
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yours, your employees' and even your customers'. so you can stay ahead. get started with a great offer and ask how you can add comcast business securityedge. plus for a limited time, ask how to get a $500 prepaid card when you upgrade. call today. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks to gabrielle union, mark duplass, and angels & airwaves. apologies to matt damon. tomorrow night, ll cool j, nick robinson, and music from tems. "nightline" is next.
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thanks for watching, good night. ♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, the mysterious disappearance of daniel robinson. missing for months. last seen driving into the desert. >> once i got possession of this vehicle, it started to unravel at that point. >> his family learning how not all missing people are treated the same. >> people of color have to go through hurdles and do not receive the urgency that it takes to find their loved ones. plus barack obama breaking ground on his presidential library on the south side of chicago. >> just about everything that's important to me in my life started here. >> and reminiscing in an exclusive interview with abc's robin roberts. >> look at that b
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