dan: that's are a part. we appreciate your time. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- charlize theron. and music from elvis costello and juanes. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. appreciate it. welcome. thank you, hi. cleto, thank you. guillermo, that's very nice. thanks. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching from home. thank you for joining us here in hollywood, california on what was a very busy day in washington. we woke up this morning on the verge of a government shutdown. did you know that?

>> guillermo: i didn't know that. >> jimmy: of course you didn't know. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: i swear. >> jimmy: you had no idea? >> guillermo: no. >> jimmy: maybe i should skip the whole damn thing, then. [ laughter ] the government was going to run out of money at midnight tonight. but enough members of congress got their act together to pass a "stop-gap" funding bill that will keep things going until december 3rd, which just happens to be ozzy osbourne's birthday. coincidence? yes! it is a coincidence. [ laughter and applause ] and then i guess we'll go through this again on december 2nd. on december 2nd it will kick in for you? >> guillermo: that's right. >> jimmy: right. 35 republicans in the senate voted against the extension. they wanted the government to shut down. and they didn't raise the debt ceiling. which means we are still facing what the chief economist at moody's analytics called "financial armageddon." which as very bad kind of armageddon, one of the worst kinds of armageddon. even bruce willis is powerless against financial armageddon. [ laughter ] and the crazy thing is, in the movie "armageddon," we were trying to avoid being hit by an asteroid.

in this one, mitch mcconnell's like, "we welcome the asteroid. i'll just rub a little cream on it if it hits us." and people are confused by the "debt ceiling." republicans say they're against raising it because the democrats want to spend too much. but the debt ceiling is for money we already spent under trump, under obama, under bush, and so on. it's money we owe. that's why they call it "debt." but donald trump's party, does things like donald trump. we owe money? let's just not pay! [ laughter ] see what happens. [ applause ] the "debt ceiling" doesn't stop congress from spending more money. it only stops them from paying for what we've already spent. which, imagine what would happen if you did that in vegas. you lose ten grand at the craps table and then you're like, "sorry. i have a debt ceiling of $500." you'd wind up in the alley out back with two guys named tony kicking you in the head. [ laughter ] and then we have the infrastructure bill. i'm going to let you explain

that, guillermo, go ahead. >> guillermo: oh -- i think they're boarding right now, jimmy. >> jimmy: are they? >> guillermo: to try to fix things. >> jimmy: did you say voting or boating? >> voting. >> jimmy: they're on a yacht right now. [ laughter ] it is nice that the big political stories of the day are about infrastructure and a spending bill, instead of "trump calls kim jong-un a chubby bitch." that's progress, right? [ laughter ] republicans got a win last night at the annual congressional baseball game. they have a big game at nationals park. a few thousand fans showed up to see the gop team edge the dems 13-12. the game was canceled last year because of covid. and i have to say, it's nice to see these now-always-bitter rivals, who are constantly at each other's throats, taking one night to band together to have fun. >> murphy 2-2 now. the offering inside hit him on the arm. >> and now fisticuffs, punches being thrown, the dugouts empty, here come the bullpens again.

>> jimmy: oh, well. so much for getting along. [ laughter and applause ] the speaker of the house, nancy pelosi, was at the games. she wasn't playing, she was cheering her team from the dugout. it was a real nail-biter. in the eighth inning, i got a text from pelosi saying, "we're down by one run and only your donation of $26 can turn this around." [ laughter ] i'm not sure if it had anything to do with the looming debt crisis. but nancy appeared to be very fired up. >> you listen here, and you listen good. i am the speaker of the [ bleep ] house. so when i tell you to bunt, you [ bleep ] bunt, you hear me? tell adam schiff to bring me a big pretzel with the spicy [ bleep ] cheese. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: tough manager. might be a tommy lasorda in the works. [ applause ] it was quite a night. even president biden made a special appearance at the game. he showed up to greet the players. and tell them he remembered when the stadium used to be all cornfields, as far as the eye can see. [ laughter ] biden's uneventful visit didn't give fox news much to work with.

extra deep. so hannity last night had to dig extra deep. >> breaking moments ago, joe biden walked out to the annual congressional baseball game, and he got a big chorus of boos, take a look. [ cheers and boos ] >> well deserved, his policies are disastrous. >> jimmy: it sounded like cheering to me, i don't know, i guess sean's ears are full of it too. [ laughter ] for the record, that's not booing the president at nationals park. this is booing the president at nationals park. >> the president and first lady of the united states. [ boos ] >> jimmy: don fattingly, by the way, is having a very difficult week. republican support for

trump appears to be dwindling. according to a recent poll, trump is now virtually tied with florida governor ron desantis for the republican nomination in 2024. i don't have a joke for that. i just want to make sure he hears about it. [ laughter ] the big news here in l.a., aside from the lineup for the super bowl halftime show, which is dr. dre, eminem, snoop, mary j. blige, and kendrick lamar. [ cheers ] and christopher cross, oddly. [ laughter ] i think he's not in, but it's a pretty great lineup. as of yesterday, the news is britney spears has officially been emancipated from her father. [ cheers and applause ] and i guess we're happy about it, i don't know. as if we have any idea what goes on in that family. jamie spears, her father, is vacating his daughter's

conservatorship to focus on his true passion, trying to jump an atv over his above-ground pool. [ laughter ] i wish him luck on that. the cdc yesterday issued an "urgent health advisory" for pregnant women. they are strongly recommending that those with child get the covid vaccine. they say they should only take the drug ivermectin if their baby is a horse, a pony, or a unicorn, at the very least. [ laughter ] some women are reluctant to get the vaccine when they're pregnant. they're nervous about it. but they should get it. the last thing you need is your baby coming out and demanding to know why you're not vaccinated. "hey, before we get into the breast-feeding arrangement, you're not one of those, are you?" [ laughter ] in other health news, the number ingesting pot has skyrocketed.- as more states legalize cannabis, more dogs are getting into the stuff. they say if your dog sits on the couch for more than six hours, it either ate marijuana or is just a dog.

[ laughter ] in the five years since pot was legalized here in california, calls to poison control related which to me sounds like the premise for a very special episode of "paw patrol." [ laughter and applause ] "why aren't they on the double?" here's another important story that's not getting as much attention as it should. the dollar tree, you know, the store where they sell everything for a dollar? the one that's just a little bit nicer than the 99 cent store? [ laughter ] well, they are now selling items for more than a dollar. which kind of blows the whole idea, right? the dollar tree has been testing higher prices in a few stores. and now they're rolling them out nationwide. the ceo claims they're doing this because some customers wanted products that cost more than a dollar. really? people came into the dollar tree and said, i am not spending enough here! please charge me more.

[ laughter ] it's the dollar tree! the fact that things cost a dollar is why we go! i was in a dollar tree over the summer. i swear to god, true. [ laughter ] i went in. i got a cart. i was like -- i went wild. where else can you spend five dollars and leave with a bag of marshmallows, a pregnancy test, and a pack of dry erase markers? [ laughter and applause ] i don't know. the way i see it, the dollar tree has two choices. charge a dollar, or change your name. that's it. we need a full congressional investigation into this. [ laughter ] forget the infrastructure nonsense, right? >> guillermo: right, jimmy. >> jimmy: forget covid. this is at the top of the list! okay, one more thing. it's thursday night which means it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week. whether they need it or not. it's "this week in unnecessary censorship." [ cheers and applause ] >> we've got breaking news out of washington, d.c.

on a [ bleep ]ing [ bleep ] crisis. >> the nba's biggest [ bleep ] gets the vaccine, but not all the players are on board. >> looked like a hoover vacuum sucking that [ bleep ]. santana helped him on the other end. >> they want to go after me because i have they think a big [ bleep ]. i don't have a big [ bleep ]. >> you're going to take your crayons and you'll take a [ bleep ] and put the [ bleep ] underneath, and you want to make sure your [ bleep ] has lots of veins in it. >> first i was [ bleep ]ing my dog for an hour and a half. >> i'd like to see that. >> red apple on my [ bleep ]. >> that is correct, you got it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we got a great show for you tonight. elvis costello is here. playing music with juanes. and we'll be back with charlize theron. so stick around!

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hello there, welcome back to the show. tonight, his new audible original is called "how to play the guitar and y." the great elvis costello is here. [ cheers and applause ] then later, with this album of covers of his songs en español. it is called "spanish model." music from elvis costello and juanes. from colombia. [ cheers and applause ] all the way through the end of the show. we have new shows next week with the james bond, daniel craig will be here. rami malek will be with us. as will ellen pompeo, henry winkler, new l.a. laker russell westbrook. we'll have music from

alice merton, x ambassadors, old dominion, and billy idol. [ cheers and applause ] please join us for all that. our first guest is an oscar-winning actor who could beat up every person. but she wouldn't do that because she's very nice. she gives voice to morticia in "the addams family 2." it opens in theaters and on demand tomorrow. please say hello to charlize theron. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> hi! hi! >> jimmy: it's very good to see you. >> it's so nice to see you. >> jimmy: covid cheated us out of our three-way kiss. [ laughter ] >> the good news is we've had so many. >> jimmy: we have had, probably from your perspective too many, yeah. you know, i was thinking about you today. you know, we have like a little

meeting before the show, and then i know you will have a phone call with one of our producers, you guys talk about what you want to talk about. she was saying, she's so nice, everybody's like, she's so nice, nice nice nice. you know guillermo from the kids' soccer games. and you are -- you realize you don't have to be this nice. [ laughter ] you could get away with a whole lot. >> i don't know if i can. i feel like i sometimes have that rest bitch face that i have to work against. >> jimmy: no, not at all. >> i think i do. >> jimmy: you have no idea how much abuse you could heap upon me, and i would take it all. [ laughter ] >> don't encourage me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, i >> that's very nice. >> jimmy: you have everything going for you. you don't have to be so nice to people. you could -- yes, you could roam like godzilla through this town if you wanted to. [ laughter ] >> i don't know what to do with this information. >> jimmy: well, do what you will

with it. you know, i would imagine that when you go places -- do people just give you stuff? >> i don't -- no, i mean -- listen, i feel very fortunate. i feel people do give me way more than i probably deserve. the bottom line is i remember being at soccer games with you, we had so much fun. >> guillermo: yes. >> it's so much nicer to be nice and have fun. >> guillermo: i agree with you. >> jimmy: it is nice to be nice. [ applause ] >> i think it's way more energy to be -- make an effort to be a [ bleep ]. it's exhausting. >> jimmy: you think it's harder? >> it's exhausting. >> jimmy: you're saying you're too lazy to be mean? [ laughter ] >> i think so, that's what i'm saying. >> jimmy: last night i was at a pizza place picking up pizza. a guy was -- the place was called lamoure pizzeria. and the guy gave me chicken wings. and i said, look at that, i get free chicken wings. >> you acknowledge that, you're aware of it.

you were like, this is a nice treat. >> jimmy: i was thrilled with it. i don't need those extra calories but i had thome anyway, i ate them on my way home. >> i would have had them with you. >> jimmy: so you had a birthday last month. and you celebrated in a very interesting way i think is a good way to put it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i have a photograph. before i show the picture, give us a little -- explain a little bit of the backstory about what you did. >> well, i have the best friends in the whole wide world. and they decided to throw me a surprise party while we were on vacation. we all, a group of us, try to go away every summer. some of us have kids. so we try to make this one trip every summer where our kids get to hang out. you know, given the year, year and a half that we've had, we were very excited about this trip, i was very excited. and i wasn't really expecting anything. i knew we would be there for my birthday, but we were so excited about the trip that i was not expecting anything. so -- >> jimmy: you figured it would just be the trip was the party? >> that was it, and maybe a

dinner. and so slowly they would say things like, listen, tomorrow night we're going to take the girls, we need you to stay in your room for a second. i thought they were just setting the table, things like that. then five minutes before i was supposed to come out i got a knock. somebody had delivered this box with this outfit and a wig. they're like, please put this on. it was this '80s attire. i know my '80s attire from a mile away. oh, they're throwing an '80s birthday bin dinner. i put my synthetic wig on and my cut crop top. and walked out. and then realized that they were throwing me, like, the surprise prom '80s murder mystery party. >> jimmy: a prom '80s murder mystery party? >> yes. and they had traveled. because we went to greece. so they had traveled all of the stuff with them. >> jimmy: if my friends had done this, they would have delivered the box to my room and i would have put on the '80s costume,

and i would have walked in the party, i would have been the only one in costume. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> i like your friends. >> jimmy: one of them's sitting over there. [ laughter ] this is a photograph from the party. now, i get the '80s thing and the prom thing. but how did the murder mystery part work its way into the party? >> well, i am obsessed with true crime. >> jimmy: yes, you love that. >> i love true crime, i live for true crime. i am true crime. [ laughter ] so it worked perfectly for me. and there was something really funny about -- i don't know if you -- we've seen this on tv, right? people having these parties. but the thing that i didn't think about was that some of these friends i've had for close to 30 years, and i've never seen them act. >> jimmy: oh. >> and that was hilarious. to see friends that you know that well trying to be "characters." [ laughter ] trying to not be the "murderer." then my winn frieone just died,

was the worst dying scene i've seen in my life. [ laughter ] that was the best, i was peeing myself, laughing so hard. i've never seen you guys be such it yots. >> jimmy: they were like, we don't have an oscar. >> i don't remember who won, i just remember him dying. i was laughing so hard. i might have had a few cocktails by then, too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i see. as we know, you are originally from south africa. and you went back to the congo, actually, you went to the congo to visit jane goodall. >> yeah. >> jimmy: which is -- how do you know jane goodall? >> i didn't know her. this was a couple of years ago. i was asked to be part of this iconoclast series they did. they said, who would you like to do it with? jane was the no-brainer for me because of the work that she does in africa. and as a young african girl, she was somebody that i always looked up to. so we decided to go and meet her in the congo. >> jimmy: and so they said, char lease theron is coming to meet you, and she said, oh, yeah, i

know. she watches movies and stuff? >> i do not think she's seen a movie i've been in. >> jimmy: really? >> no, i don't think so. >> jimmy: you were a stranger to her? >> yes. this is a woman who, now in her 80s, is still traveling 300 days out of the year to help save this environment of ours. it's incredible, the work that she does. she doesn't have time to watch "atomic blond." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i see. >> she is very busy. >> jimmy: do you bring a gift when you visit somebody like jane goodall? >> i felt that was the right thing to do. i felt i should at least ask. she travels a lot. we were going to stay out in the bush with her. we were going to sleep in tents. which was just mind-boggling to me that i was going to get this experience, not just with her, but in her environment. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so i figured that the right thing to do wa be to offer that we would cook dinner, and if there was anything she was missing that we could bring. i was thinking she was going to say some food or something. she was like, "whiskey." [ laughter ] "i miss whiskey." >> jimmy: a bottle of whiskey.

>> i know, and i went -- i knew i like the you for a reason. so we brought a bottle of whiskey. we figured the easiest thing to cook would be pasta because there would be a fire, there would be a pot, hot water, make some pasta. and i really wanted to impress her. i was a little girl really trying -- >> jimmy: you can't bring bananas, right? [ laughter ] >> yeah, they have a few of those. so we got the pot on the hot fire. and then the water started boiling. we were making the pasta. i was feeling really good. and then i realized, i didn't know how to get the pot off the flame. how do i get this -- i can't touch it. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> so then i'm like, i remember, oh, you put this stick in, that's how you lift it up. now i'm feeling really confident, i have this. as i was lifting it up from the fire, the water spilled over and took the fire out. and there's no light. fire is very valuable when you're in the bush. [ laughter ] and she was not impressed with that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, really? >> not impressed at all.

i salvaged the fire and i'm shaking, i'm so nervous. i'm just trying to fix the fire and make the pasta. and she's just in the back going, "where's the whiskey?" [ laughter ] and we ended up drinking whiskey and eating way overcooked pasta till 3:00 a.m. and she's just an incredible storyteller. so she just told us these incredible stories until the sun came up. were the chimps around? >> yeah, so we were where they basically keep them. they weren't by the fire drinking -- >> jimmy: they didn't have any whiskey with you? [ laughter ] >> no. >> jimmy: wouldn't that have been great? >> it would have been amazing. although they pe. on you. nobody tells you that. they urinate on you. >> jimmy: did that happen to you? >> that happened when, yes. >> jimmy: that's their way of saying hello? >> they just don't know how to hold it. they're not potty trained. >> they do it to everyone or just you? >> no, they just -- [ laughter ] wait a second. >> jimmy: i mean, maybe they're just really excited. >> wait. i just think somebody --

>> jimmy: think of "atomic blond." [ applause ] >> it's not -- yeah. when you're camping and you have urinating -- pants that have been urinated on -- >> funny, i have a picture of you and matt damon. [ moans and laughter ] >> jimmy: a sweet moment. >> look how scared i am. i have heard of people's faces being eaten alive, i'm a little apprehensive. >> jimmy: i don't blame you, that's a chimpanzee, he doesn't know what's going on. >> they're so cute. >> jimmy: you should be afraid of anyone that urinates on you when they greet you in general. [ laughter ] >> that's what i thought. >> jimmy: that's one of the statements i live by. char lease theron is here. the movie is called "the addams family 2." we'll be right back. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by walmart's top-rated by kids toy list. know exactly what your kids want. ♪ we believe everyone deserves to live better.

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kite take forever! >> of i have the very solution to the problem, cara mia. a family road trip. >> what? >> you've always wanted to see more of this great country. >> well, it's true. we have some of the best dark secrets, as countries go. >> then it's settled. we are going on an addams family vacation! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are back with charlize theron, one of the stars of "the addams family 2." i've been watching the first movie with my kids now, as we do, we watched it four nights ago and now have watched it

every single night. >> aww. >> jimmy: they love it so much, they're very excited about this. >> my kids love it too. i don't know, i feel like everything that i've done in my career -- my kids are never going to see any of my movies until they're at least 52. [ laughter ] this is the first time that i've done something -- deep down inside we're always trying to impress our kids. >> jimmy: sure, especially with something like this. >> oh my god. and -- >> jimmy: you think you're going to come home, there's going to be a parade. >> you've done -- you did "paw patrol." >> jimmy: yeah, the "paw patrol" movie and they were kind of excited about that. but not as excited as i would like. [ laughter ] >> kids walk this fine line of letting you know that it's good, but they're never going to let you know that it's great. it's like this fine line of like, my mom's more tish sha. yeah, i'm morticia. okay, calm down, don't tell everybody you're morticia, stop talking about it. >> jimmy: are you an elvis

costello fan? >> yes, oh my god, a big fan. >> jimmy: have you met him before? >> i did. i went to disneyland, oh my god, maybe four years ago. i go for my kids. but there's one ride that i always, like -- that i make sure that i do, and they can't do, and it's the tower of terror. >> jimmy: oh, okay, yeah. >> so i was kind of, like, trying to figure out a way, like who could watch my kids while i go and do it? and they're like, oh, go stand over there, they'll let you in. and i noticed this guy. that looks a lot like elvis costello -- oh my god, that's elvis costello. and i left my kids with a pickle and a mickey mouse hat, and not a human, and ran over and started talking to him. i was fangirling out. and then finally we went into the ride and the lady was like, you have to remove your hat. and i was like, elvis costello is not removing his hat. she's like, no, no, he is. i got on the ride, and he did not remove his hat.

[ laughter ] he did the tower of terror in his hat. and that is why i love elvis costello. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: of all the reasons. the tower of terror in his hat. and how was the tower of terror? did you and elvis ride together? >> yes, yeah. i wish he was in my photo. they tableke a photo of you but he's not in my photo. >> jimmy: if elvis had let out a high-pitched scream on the tower of terror work, you respect him less? >> i want to believe he didn't. >> jimmy: he didn't, of course he didn't. well, it's very good to see you. "the addams family 2" opens in theaters and on demand friday. [ cheers and applause ] charlize theron, everybody. we'll be back with elvis costello! so i called back? same state farm agent. texted the next day? same guy. is that even legal? and get this - he remembered my name. of course. hey, blink twice if you're in danger.

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: our next guest is one of my personal heroes, with more great songs than just about anyone ever. after 31 albums, he is still at it with two new projects. an audible original called "how to play the guitar and y." and an army of global talent covering his classic "this year's model." "spanish model" is available now. please welcome elvis costello. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> jimmy: how are you doing? good to see you. > how you doing? >> jimmy: you okay? >> i'm doing great. >> jimmy: do you remember seeing charlize theron at disneyland? >> i just saw her in the hallway. >> jimmy: yeah? >> and i had to tell her, it wasn't me that went on the ride. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it wasn't? >> it was my son. i have twin boys who are 14, exter and frank. who are 14, dexter's like his mother, like the double black diamond, sports car, roller coaster kind. i'm a bit more of an earthbound kind of fellow. my son frank and i sat that one out. i did it once, never again. >> jimmy: can i tell you, i was having a hard time imagining you on the tower of terror. i'm glad i feel like i know you even better than i thought i did. >> yeah, well, you read me right. are you with me on that one? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm with you, i would never go on that. i'm too cowardly to go on that.

>> my heavy is the big thunder mountain. >> jimmy: that's as big as it goes for me too. >> and the tea cups. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i was listening to this audible original. people who don't know, this is basically an audio recording you made. it's almost two hours long. and it's called "how to play guitar and y." the letter "y." and this is funny. you're a funny guy, but i was not expecting it to be as comedic as it is. and i got a real kick out of it. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i've never heard a musician use the term "yak skin moccasins before." >> it does require a context, of course. >> jimmy: of course, it does. >> i do sort of start it off with a completely ludicrous premise, that my musical talent comes from a great study of astrology, and i share my birthday with, as you can tell from my suave demeanor, sean

connery. [ laughter ] and leonard bernstein, wayne shorter. and then it's sort of the idea sort of runs out, because i come across gene simmons. >> jimmy: of kiss? >> of who i do share a fondness of lipstick and pancake makeup. [ laughter ] billy ray cyrus, who is, like me, a right virgo. and we -- anyway, it all leads to the idea that you can put a lot of things in your way when learning to play an instrument. you can put your own fear. but the main thing that really obstructs most people is they begin in the key of "c." if you know what i'm talking about here, anybody who plays the piano, you learn to play the piano in "c" because that's all the white keys and it's easier to read music in "c." if you're going to play the guitar, what you want to do, you want to get the song out. so -- >> jimmy: have you taught someone? the key of "f"? >> i heard you play the clarinet. >> jimmy: i do play the

clarinet, yes. [ applause ] it's a real -- let me tell you, if you're looking to attract young ladies, that's the way to go, the clarinet. oh, yeah. [ laughter ] there's a picture of me playing the clarinet. >> people won't know this reference, but arty shore played the clarinet, he did pretty well with the ladies. >> jimmy: yeah, that was a different time and he wasn't wearing those jeans. [ laughter ] >> face it, he didn't have your sartorial -- >> jimmy: he wasn't wearing gloria vanderbilt jeans i think. >> no, no. so -- i mean, can i try to teach you the guitar? >> jimmy: i would love it. i've never really played the guitar. i've never even tried to play the guitar. [ applause ] have you taught anyone? have you ever really begin a guitar lesson to a winner? >> no, and that's the whole point of this thing. >> jimmy: this is exciting. >> it's an hour, it seemed longer to jimmy -- >> jimmy: it's an hour and 40 minutes. >> well, that's with the music.

so say -- put your finger here, this chord, this one here. put that finger there. >> jimmy: on this guitar? [ laughter ] okay, i'm not that bright. all right in the middle of -- let's see. one, two -- you see, already i'm not going to be good. okay, all right. >> all right. >> jimmy: got it. wait, i'm on the wrong one. >> you were on the wrong one there. put this one here. see, this is a hopeless -- >> jimmy: no, yeah. [ laughter ] >> anybody here play the guitar? >> jimmy: nobody -- >> does anybody here play the guitar? >> jimmy: give me another chance, please. >> all right, give you one more chance. ring finger. third fret, sixth string. >> jimmy: okay. >> okay? middle finger. >> jimmy: got it. >> this second fret. >> jimmy: yeah, okay. >> little finger. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> on the top string at the third fret. like that. >> jimmy: has anyone ever fallen

over? >> yeah, yeah, that's okay. now struck. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: was that good? >> perfect. >> jimmy: that's it, i know how to play the guitar. >> it's playing the guitar. >> jimmy: now i never move these fingers and i'll be fine. >> that is the point of my story. >> jimmy: yes. >> is that really, there is so much fear involved in learning. and you just need to persevere. and i recommend that you, you know, watch reruns of "the love boat" while moving between the first chord. turn the sound down, if you want. any kind of show that you want. sit in front of the tv playing along, and before you know where you are, your fingers will move without thinking. ♪ the love boat ♪ >> yeah. >> jimmy: and i'll be singing along, yeah. >> my feeling is that if you can master these three chords, there are many songs that are based just on three chords. if you can learn a fourth chord, you've got 10,000 songs. so my story of how to play the

guitar and y is based on this. but i presented it not as we've seen, painfully -- >> jimmy: no, yeah. >> as a serious -- >> jimmy: yes, your version is more fun. >> anybody that's ever heard me play the guitar knows i'm not the man to teach anybody. >> jimmy: i disagree with that. >> really, i believe that if you can free your mind, your body will follow. >> jimmy: yeah. you know -- and by the way, i'd love to return the favor and give you a little bass clarinet lesson after the show. [ laughter ] >> i have somebody at my house -- >> jimmy: we can share a reed. yes, you do, don't you? elvis, this is a great idea. i didn't know what to make of it until i heard the record and it almost sounds like it was meant to be performed in spanish. was this your idea to do this? >> it actually says on the back, it says produced by sebastian chris, who has produced the last couple of records. >> jimmy: so it was his idea?

>> no, from an original idea by me. like they used to say in the movies. >> jimmy: yeah, based on a? >> what happened was we had to remix one of the songs from this year's model for a television show, "the deuce." >> jimmy: right, "the deuce." >> how do you say it? >> jimmy: i like "the deuce" better. >> finding that the original master tapes were in good order and the attractions and i were at the stage of our development, we had been a band from july '77 until november '77 when we began the recording of this year's model 43 years ago. and we knew just enough not to [ bleep ] it up. >> jimmy: yeah. >> we didn't know more. and so, you know, it had a certain cohesion to it that we probably never enjoyed again. now here we are 43 years later, and all our friends have joined us in recording new vocals. because let's face it, much like my ability to teach you the guitar, the thing that's been

holding this record back all these years is my singing. [ laughter ] no, seriously. you know, i say i have this notion to jump into spanish, i dreamed of it. i waited for sebastian to tell me i was out of my mind. and he said, "you're out of your mind, let's do it." >> jimmy: did you really dream of it? >> i did, sort of. when i was a kid, my father used to sing and i would go with him to the dance hall. and i would wait for him to sing. and he would often sing in spanish. and he spoke spanish, you know, and sang many of these romantic ballads from the early '60s. a friend of mine asked him, how did you learn spanish? and he said, in bed. [ laughter ] both my parents have passed on, so i'm not embarrassing anybody by saying this now. apparently there was a romantic reason. and now with this face, my romantic adventures have not extended to learning other tongues. but, you know, it is -- it is

sort of something that he would have really loved. because i think what we've seen with it is that there's such a wide variety of singers. >> jimmy: yeah. >> some of which like juanes, huge stars, you'll know him, you would have heard him. lewis fonzie, one of the biggest records of recent years. but some people like marisol, la santa cecilia, if you haven't had them on the show, they should be on, next show. >> jimmy: bring them next week, we'll have you on every night. >> it's been fun, and i'm very, very grateful. >> jimmy: i really especially like how you reversed the "i" and "s" and made it "si" instead of elvis, nicely done. elvis, you are going to sing for us tonight with juanes when you come back. >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: in spanish as well. >> he'll be in spanish. >> jimmy: he'll be in spanish -- really good to see you again. >> jimmy: it's good to see you too. >> and we look forward to coming back with all of the imposters.

we have pete and davey here. >> jimmy: excellent. >> wonderful keyboard players. >> jimmy: you're going -- jeff babco is going to be sitting in with you. [ cheers and applause ] >> we'll see you am memphis next week. >> jimmy: absolutely. elvis costello, "spanish model" and "how to play the guitar and why" are out now. recommending cat food. i think we need a cat. they know us so well. who wants a kitty cat? who wants... you want a kitty cat. excuse me. a random sales rep just emailed for the 14th time about an important new offer that has nothing to do with our business. well forget the merger, this is far more important. hey guys! a random sales rep just emailed for the 14th... (music plays throughout) oh! we're dancing.

woah! oh. ok! and that's a yeah. (music stops) i'm a dancer now.

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concert series" is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: this new album is called "spanish model." playing his classic "pump it up" with a little help from juanes, elvis costello! ♪ ♪ [ singing in spanish ]

♪ pump it up when you don't really need it ♪ ♪ pump it up until you can feel it ♪ ♪ ♪ down in the pleasure centre ♪ ♪ hell bent or heaven sent ♪ ♪ listen to the propaganda ♪ ♪ listen to the latest slander ♪ ♪ there's nothing underhand that she wouldn't understand ♪ ♪ pump it up until you can feel it ♪ ♪ pump it up when you don't really need it ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

[ singing in spanish ] ♪ pump it up when you don't really need it ♪ ♪ pump it up until you can feel it ♪ ♪ ♪ out in the fashion show down in the bargain bin ♪ ♪ you put your passion out under the pressure pin ♪ ♪ fall into submission hit-and-run transmission ♪ ♪ no use wishing now for any other sin ♪ ♪ pump it up until you can feel it ♪ ♪ pump it up when you don't really need it ♪ ♪ ♪ pump it up until you can feel it ♪ ♪ pump it up when you don't really need it ♪

♪ ♪ pump it up until you can feel it ♪ ♪ pump it up when you don't really need it ♪ 7 ♪ don't really need it pump it up don't really need it ♪ ♪ don't really need it pump it up don't really need it ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> juanes! >> dicky: "the jimmy kimmel live concert series" is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.

[music] [birds chirping] [music] [deep breaths] [music] ♪ i see trees of green ♪ ♪ red roses too ♪ ♪ i see them bloom for me and you ♪ (music) ♪ so i think to myself ♪ ♪ oh what a wonderful world ♪ who doesn't like more? and i mean, like, a lot more. well, with xfinity you get more for your money.

because with xfinity internet you get a free flex 4k streaming box and peacock premium included, with access to tons of free movies and shows. more bang for your buck. can your internet do that? like your outfit, girl. why thank you! ok, now it's a party! get started with xfinity internet for $19.99 a month for 12 months and add a flex 4k streaming box for free. click, call, or visit a store today. [breaths] [electricity] >>jimmy: well, that was fun. thanks to charlize theron, elvis costello, juanes. thanks for these great musicians for being here tonight.

apologies to matt damon, we did run out of time for him, he will be rescheduled. "nightline" is next, thanks for watching, good night. this is "nightline." >> tonight, where's the rental relief? billions set aside by congress, by only a tiny fraction distributed to the desperate. >> they're at very high risk becoming homeless. >> landlords with no income for months now. >> i essentially have paid people to live on my property. >> is the country headed toward mass evictions? plus backstage with ozuna after a long covid hiatus. >> i need my friends. i need to have the connectivity. >> the latin superstar out with his new mega-hit "la funka." i don't just play someone brainy on tv - i'm an actual neuroscientist.