martin short. have a good evening. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, martin short, jonathan majors and music from walk the moon. and now, jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: thank you, thank you. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. happy indigenous peoples' or columbus day, depending on which cable news channel you watch. it's weird to celebrate these on the same day. it's like celebrating herpes on

valentines day. they don't really go together. for whatever reason, columbus has become some sort of rallying point for republicans. listen, i'm italian. this is a guy who got lost on his way to india. then when he got there and it wasn't india, he just kept calling it india. he was a jerk! columbus never even set foot in north america. >> no? >> jimmy: he was never here. and yet, we named a whole city in ohio after him. what the hell were we learning in school? the guy didn't even come to america, never mind discover it. a number of our esteemed leaders weighed in on this today, including congressmonster marjorie taylor greene, who tweeted and then deleted this misspelled message, "happy colombus day!" she spelled columbus wrong. you can only imagine what would happen if she tried to spell indigenous. i would also like to wish a happy thanksgiving to our neighbors up north. today is canadian thanksgiving.

and we give thanks to them, tonight, for our canadian guest, martin short. not of is -- only is he a canadian, did you know he's on the money up there? true. yeah. he's on the twenty. here, he's worth 16 bucks. donald trump is the subject of yet another tell-all book about his time in office. this one is called "betrayal: the final act of the trump show." it was written by jonathan karl. among the many not-so-surprising surprises in the book, karl says that during the riot on january 6th, donald trump was bragging about the size of the crowd that stormed the capitol. of course he was. is there anything this guy won't brag about? it's like bragging about the size of your tumor. someday he'll be looking up from the bowels of hell, elbowing his buddy, jeffrey epstein, saying "can you even believe how many people are dancing on my grave right now?" size matters so much to him.

it's almost as if he's insecure about something. and remember that video trump recorded that day, after hours of saying nothing? finally, his staff convinced him to make a video telling them to stop ransacking the capitol. the book says he had to do multiple takes, because he kept forgetting to tell them to stop ransacking the capitol. i would love to see the outtakes from that. yelvis was in des moines, iowa, this weekend, where he treated supporters to an hour and 43 minutes of bitching about the election he lost. and how he didn't lose it. and how he didn't concede because it was stolen from him. and all that stupid nonsense that runs on a loop in his brain. trump has not announced, officially, that he is running in 2024, but he is running in 2024. and he even has an idea for a campaign slogan. >> so we're using the same

slogan, make america great again, and we may even add to it, but we'll keep it, make america great again again, because we already did it, right? we're going to make america great again again. make america great again --/, again. if you think about it, it's more accurate. make america great again again. because we made it great. now we have to make it great again. so it's one of those things. >> jimmy: he's still got it. sharp as a cucumber. trump is back home in florida now, where there's always something interesting happening. and so we take you now to titusville for an all-new episode of the ongoing drama "this week in florida." ♪ ♪ >> officials say when they went to speak with the suspect, scott taylor, he was sitting in his front yard holding a sword in his hand and had a knife in his waist band. police say he was actively

drirnging in front of them and started chugging from captain morgan rum bottle. >> jimmy: i think we found trump's running mate. we have a pill to fight covid on the way. merck, the pharmaceutical company that, coincidentally, makes ivermectin, has asked the fda to grant emergency authorization for the first pill that is designed to treat the symptoms of covid-19. the pill is called molnupiravir. and if it's as hard to swallow as it is to pronounce, we're screwed. they claim it reduces the risk of hospitalization or death from covid by approximately 50%. which is is great news for americans, and even better news for horses who have worms in their butt. but be careful. this is all part of big pharma's insidious plot to keep us alive,

so they can sell us stuff. in the nba, there is not a vaccine mandate, but the players do have to abide by local guidelines in the city where they play. which has kyrie irving of the brooklyn nets in a fix. kyrie is not vaccinated, and if he doesn't get the shot, he will not be allowed to participate in any of his team's home games, because it would violate new york city's health and safety code. so home games for kyrie really will be home games. he will be at home for those games. and there's a financial penalty, too. if he doesn't play, he doesn't get paid, which means he would lose about $380,000 per game. which adds up to more than $15 million this season. which is nuts. these vaccines have been given to hundreds of millions of people. they are as safe as any life-saving medicine could ever be. but kyrie claims he's been doing his own research, which was a puzzling position for former nba coach and current espn analyst, jeff van gundy, to wrap his head around.

>> just in general, you know the one that drives me wn research." i would like someone to answer this question -- what does that look like? you doing your own research? or you doing studies yourself? are you in the lab on a nightly basis? what are you doing? i don't understand what that means. "i'm doing my own research." >> jimmy: by the way, kyrie irving also isn't convinced the earth is round. for real. that's why it's taking him so long to research the vaccine. his research team is spread pretty thin. where did he go to college? duke? might be time to take their accreditation away. irving also might not be able to play against the lakers or clippers. here in l.a., the new rule is

you have to show proof of vaccination at any indoor sporting event with more than a thousand spectators. the new requirements have forced a number of venues around town to scrap some of their upcoming events. the following events have been cancelled or will be rescheduled, eric clapton at the wiltern, goat boy at the hollywood bowl, the malibu open mouth olympics, lake castaic catfish noodle, mullet night at the apple pan, nicki minaj live from the swollen testicles convention, karencon, every meal at cracker barrel and mike pence on ice. all canceled or moved to a later date. the dodgers game, however, is still on. fans were required to show either proof of vaccination or a negative covid test for game 3 of the nlds between the dodgers and their most hated rivals, the san francisco giants. the giants won game one. the dodgers won game two.

we sent a camera crew up to san francisco to catch giants fans on their way to oracle park. we told them we were shooting promos for the game and asked them to do what would be unthinkable for most sports fans, cheer on their opponent. in an overt way. here sit in a new baseball playoff edition of "traitor schmoes." >> how lock you been a giants fan? >> early '70s. >> they are the best in the west, you can't go wrong with being a giants fan. >> just something about the giants since i've been young. >> the giants are more like a family than a team. so you feel close to them. and it's just great to be there and to support them. >> you would never turn your back on your family? >> of course not. >> i bleed orange and black for the san francisco giants. >> that is good. we're supposed to shoot the other side with l.a. fans. any chance i could get you to do

us a huge favor, say the same thing just for the other side. >> i don't know if i can do that. >> help him out. >> that's great. perfect. >> it's not my color. >> just like the last time. >> i bleed blue for the l.a. dodgers, yeah! >> they suck md e into it. >> oh, you got busted by a real fan. talk to us, sir. >> i'm a giants fan all the way! >> we're supposed to shoot the other side of this in l.a. any chance we can get you to throw on a dodger hat and say the same thing and do the other side for us so we don't have to travel down there? >> all right. >> i'm an l.a. dodgers fan from the womb to the tomb. >> my whole family roots for the

giants. go, giants! >> can you help us out? just say the same thing -- i'll hold that for you. >> my whole family roots for dodgers. i would be disowned if i didn't. >> what is your family of giants fans going to think of this? >> they're going to think i had too much wine. >> i can't wait to see the giants destroy the dodgers! >> i can't wait to see l. a.smash san francisco. they're the worst fans ever. no loyal whatsoever. >> we don't like the dodgers at all. the only blue we report is beyonce's daughter. >> go, giants. >> we only root for the giants. >> go, dodgers. >> my mommi didn't raise no dodgers fan. go giants. >> do the same stuff but talk about the dodgers. >>ky not support the dodgers.

>> it's just about how people don't stick to their allegiances. >> i can't be seen -- >> it's tv. it's not tiktok. >> my professor -- i can't do it. i'm sorry. >> go, giants. >> you're loyal fans.phow impor? >> it's everything. i ride with san francisco all the way. orange and black looks so much better than the blue. >> go, l.a.! >> that goes with your eyes really well. hang in there, give it a try. >> my momma didn't raise no giants fan. go, dodgers. >> how did that feel? >> terrible! >> jimmy: we've got a good show for you tonight. jonathan majors is here. we have music from walk the moon. and we'll be back with the one and only martin short. so stick around.

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♪ ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight, from the new movie, "the harder they fall," jonathan majors is here. then later, their song is called "can you handle my love?" music from walk the moon on the mercedes-benz stage. tomorrow night, we have a fun show. larry david and david chang will join us, with music from phoebe bridgers. our first guest is at the top of every list. he is a multiple emmy and tony-award-winner and one-third of an unlikely ménage-a-trois, that includes steve martin and selena gomez. their show is "only murders in the building." new episodes come out tuesday nights on hulu. please welcome, martin short.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: how are you tonight? >> hello, james. >> jimmy: very good to see you. >> i'm so excited to be here tonight. >> jimmy: i'm excited to have you here. [ applause ] >> you know, and on the carriage ride over tonight, because i like to pamper myself, i was thinking about the fact that of all the anti-vaxers i know, you're my favorite. >> jimmy: thank you. >> this show keeps getting better and better, and i wish i had time to watch it. but my problem, it's on at the

same time as colbert. listen, no one pretends to care about people more than you. you know what you are like? you're like a tesla. >> jimmy: in what way? >> sleek, sophisticated, and mostly on auto pilot. no one works harder than you, come on. except during the three months of summer. >> jimmy: it's only two months. >> steve martin wanted to be here tonight. but he had a conflict with not wanting to be here tonight. >> jimmy: i guess that won. >> you look great. in your margery green buff physique. >> margery green taylor. >> where is the green? >> jimmy: i think it's in her heart.

and well, listen, first of all, you destroyed any notion of canadians being the nicest people in the world already. [ laughter ] but i do want to wish you happy canadian -- do they call it canadian thanksgiving? >> we call it thanksgiving. and some of the traditions are different. >> jimmy: like what? >> we stuff the turkey through the beak. and we don't leave the potato whole, because to mash it requires aggression, and we can't do that. >> jimmy: and you don't have that. >> you know, at one point, we all around the table say what we're thankful for, and then we're filled with apologies if it sounds like bragging. >> jimmy: what are you thankful for this year? >> listen to my voice now. we're very thankful for a lot of things, james. you know, i jotted some stuff down. if i could hear jeffrey a little

thankful music, that would be nice. ♪ ♪ your editor should be ready to snip, snip. >> jimmy: standing by. [ applause ] >> i'm thankful, jim, that facebook sold my personal information to only the highest 3w bidders. i'm thankful that the audience here tonight is the best. [ applause ] at being manipulated into applause. we canadians are especially thankful to have america as our neighbor. our nation's go together like steve bannon and a sweat stain. like ellen degeneres and a vest. we're in a relationship. i'm thankful for the microchip in my covid booster to makes it easier for my loved ones to keep

track of me. i'm thankful for the opportunity to be the next james bond. sorry, sorry. i'm thankful for revenge porn. [ laughter ] because no onedumps me, angela a merkel. i'm thankful i didn't book a fight here on southwest airlines. hey, i'm thankful i can still squeeze into my lulu lemon tights. and i'm thankful i can still afford to turn down appearing on the masked singer. and finally, and most importantly, i'm thankful i didn't insist on a writing credit for dave chappell's last special. >> jimmy: that's beautiful. yo have given us a lot to think about. i know that there are three other things that you're thankful for this year. >> what? >> jimmy: sense the last time you were here, you've become a grandfather for a second time,

and a third time. >> since january of 2020, i became -- in january 2020 i became a grand father for the first time. and then a second time with the same family, my son, oliver and his wife, melissa, end of july. and two weeks ago, my son, henry, and his wife had a baby boy. >> jimmy: congratulations. do you mind if i share these pictures that you insisted i shw? >> i don't know. not if you don't think they're cute. >> jimmy: well, i think that tht that's d.l. short. are they all named after cosby kids? this is vanessa. >> that's brayson. he's 2 months old. >> these kids are ridiculously cute. this is baby campbell at two weeks old. >> that is very exciting. it's exciting to have grandchildren, to here the pitter patter of little feet. it's like when kevin hart

visits. i once was with tom cruise, and i had to lift him up. >> jimmy: you and steve are -- steve martin. >> steve loves these kids. >> jimmy: i would imagine. >> what he did last week was so sweet. he came over, and he brought his banjo, and they immediately pretended to fall asleep. it was so lovely. >> jimmy: you and steve, when you guys are on tour, and i assume you still enjoy it and love it. >> we love it. jeff is always there with us. let me ask you something, when jeff plays with us, do you still pay him? >> jimmy: no, we don't. >> that's kind of weird. >> jimmy: we get a guy name fred who comes in. >> we love doing the show.

>> jimmy: the show is fantastic. i've seen it and i can't wait to see the new iteration. >> we're doing more, because america spoke, but we didn't listen. >> jimmy: do you ever -- because i know you make fun of steve and steve makes fun of you. i think you make fun of steve more than steve makes fun of you. >> it's easier. >> jimmy: do you ever worry about going too far? >> no. we -- i don't, because i don't know that -- we've never gone too far. we're asked that a lot and we don't. listen, steve's older, as you know, and now what happens when the curtain goes up, it just says, i'm coming you, jesus, and he heads for the light. this is an older fellow. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: have you had situations where you have -- where you have quite clearly gone too far with other people? >> oh, my god, yes.

especially -- i did it on broadway 15 years ago, and ier in never -- i never knew who was in the audience. i said paris hilton, she may be a hilton, but she shtooks like a motel six, and then i found out her mother was out there. and drake is another one. i remember one time i was on stage, and i was interviewing him. i said yeah, a jewish rapper from toronto, do you ever miss the hood, and when i say hood, i mean your foreskin. what's your big beef with the nazis? >> jimmy: he has been really hard on them over the course of his career. >> his response the that, i don't know, they're rude. >> jimmy: martin short is with .

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i need -- okay. i don't know what work you've

had done, but it's too much. and that is not the response you first want. is that filler? >> i'm over here. >> ahhh! what is this, face-off? >> martin short with jane lynch. >> she plays steve martin's stand-in. >> jimmy: i love the running joke where your character only eats dips, hummus and what not. >> i love all my dips. >> jimmy: and this is the most popular show, comedy hulu has ever put on. it's very exciting. [ applause ] you'll have another season coming up. is that the intent to do multiple seasons? >> we're hoping to keep this going until the last one is

"murders in the convalescence center." >> jimmy: for the emmys next year, it's all but certain you and steve will be nominated. >> i'm not sure about that. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i had no idea selena gomez is such a great actor. >> she's very good. i asked her when i first met her, so what did you do when you heard you were going to work with me? she said, i googled you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she must have liked what the results were, i guess. >> it's so amazing. when i first met her, i was in the makeup chair the first day of shooting. we zoomed a lot. i was thinking, what is selena going to be like? she's a pop princess, you could be onnery, distant. and she was so immediately delightful and lovable and so talented. >> jimmy: and you -- i was waiting for you to say something

terrible. >> no, no. that's your instinct, not mine. >> jimmy: who does she like better, you or steve? >> oh, she likes me better. the first day she went up to steve and said hey, it's the jerk. and later on she found out he made a movie called that. >> jimmy: technically i think you would both be in the lead actor category. but you don't want to necessarily be competing against each other. so will one of you slide into the supporting category, if so, which, and has this been discussed? >> it hasn't been discussed, but i think steve should, it makes sense. >> jimmy: he should move down? >> can you really do that? if you're two equal leads -- >> jimmy: you can put yourself in the actress category if you want to. >> you've hosted how many times? >> jimmy: the emmys? like a million.

no, three times. >> you were phenomenal when you do it. >> jimmy: thank you. but that's not going to help either of us. >> i don't know what the answer to that is. in 1968, katharine hepburn got an oscar and she shared it. so it's possible that it could be a duo. >> jimmy: who is the murderer only "only murders in the building?" >> i can't do that. you know that. >> jimmy: the show is very funny and i'm caught up in wanting to know two the murderer is. and i don't want the ruin it, because i know people catch up, but we've got sting, who is on the show, who is one of the suspects at playing sting, and maybe sting is going to come >> you're like a sleuth, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you. >> no, really. i'm just -- my head is spinning

here. >> jimmy: do you and sting socialize or is it just -- >> i love sting. and -- no, he doesn't love sting? but what's hilarious is my travel agent has the exact -- is right below my trudy styler, his wife. so off i'll send an email to sting's wife saying, jeff needs his car at 12:00. she'll email back saying, i don't really do that any more, do i, martin? >> jimmy: it's great to see you. i'm glad the show is coming back next season. martin short, everybody. [ applause ] martin short and steve martin live, october 27 in richmond, virginia. october 23rd in columbia, south carolina. we'll be back with jonathan majors. ty burrell: to live... is to ask the big questions. like... whoah! how fast was that serve? 98 miles per hour...

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>> jimmy: music from walk the moon is on the way. our next guest recently became part of the marvel cinematic universe as future supervillain, kang, but while he marinates in evil, he stars alongside idris elba and regina king in the new western, "the harder they fall." it's in select theaters, october 22nd and on netflix november 3rd. please welcome, jonathan majors. [ applause ] ♪ ♪

>> jimmy: how are you doing? boy, you have had some year. you got your first emmy nomination. [ applause ] you got -- you are a marvel super villain? >> super villain. >> jimmy: is it more fun to be a super villain than a super hero? >> hell, yeah. >> jimmy: i think the superheroes get to stick around longer, but the super villains make more of an impression. >> agreed. >> jimmy: you just came back from london. >> i'm there now. we came in for the premiere, and i'm still in london. >> jimmy: no, no, we're not in london. we are in los angeles. >> i'm in l.a. we're in l.a. >> jimmy: so, you were shooting "ant man" and you're playing

kang the conquerrer? >> you're as nervous as i am. kang the conqueror and -- >> jimmy: i don't know what i can say and can't. what was it, he who remains. >> yes. >> jimmy: and now you have blossomed, shall we say, into kang, which is like a thanos caliber villain. >> true. >> jimmy: and no offense to ant man, but kang is -- it's like squash, goodbye, keep going. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: ant man is dead. >> we'll see. >> jimmy: you've read the whole script, you know? >> i've read the script, uh-huh. >> jimmy: this is -- did somebody sit down with you and go, listen, you're going to have a lot of conversations, you

can't talk about this stuff, you have to be super careful? >> it's worse than that, because there's no conversation. no one says anything to you, you just go -- don't say [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: really? >> ever, ever. i called my publy sus licist so times, i think i said. it's okay, it's okay. >> jimmy: what about this, this is one of those situations where you're being spied on. this is a tweet that someone posted, it's safe to say jonathan majors enjoyed being kang. and somebody in a restaurant said, not me, serving jonathan majors. he has a picture of himself as kang. is that true? did that really happen? >> i do have a -- >> jimmy: right now? wait a minute. that's kang all right.

>> it's for inspiration. it's to keep it going. >> jimmy: it's kang from the comic. are you dressed like that? >> i think we should go back to this woman. >> jimmy: her name is laney. >> and where is laney? >> jimmy: that's for kang to find out. i don't know. >> we'll find you, laney. >> jimmy: does this ring a bell at ault to you? >> no. that's what i'm looking for that's terrifying. yeah. laney from? >> jimmy: where did you eat on september 10? you have to figure that out. >> three days after my birthday. september 10th? >> jimmy: in london, not l.a. >> i only eat chicken and rice. >> jimmy: maybe a chicken and

rice joint. >> probably at the coffee spot i go to. >> jimmy: go back and maybe question some people, bust a couple of heads. you're a super villain now. >> where's marvel out? respect they supposed to look out for me? find her, find her. >> jimmy: i'm sure they're on top of this. you got this western coming out. this looks like a -- first of all, your character is based on a real character, which is almost never the case for a western. >> true. born in tennessee, ex-slave, or enslaved person. outlaw, cowboy, bad ass. in the film, i go out to seek revenge on this guy and his gang, because when i was a boy they killed my parents. if you read his autobiography, there's all these episodes about

how excellent he was as a cowboy. so this is a bad ass story. >> jimmy: did you go to learn and ride and shoot and all that stuff? >> so i'm from texas. this is my texas stance. >> jimmy: when you say you're from texas, that's how you have to do it. >> i'm from texas. my family, we had a farm. it's not this extravagant farm, it was a working farm. we had horses on it. i got to hang around the horses. and so i was familiar with horses. >> jimmy: you're very comfortable with that kind of stuff. >> but i've had a lot of cowboy scamps. my first film i did a cowboy camp. >> jimmy: these are when they prepare you -- >> to be a cowboy. so we had a lot of gun twirling and horse riding. so i was about, i would say a 7 on riding a horse. i say matt love was about a 12.

>> jimmy: jay zee is one of the producers on this film. was he there on the set with you? >> we shot this at the height of the pandemic. but i tell you what jay zee, mr. carter did do is we were at a party, all hanging out. he was hosting a party. and he did give me the most emboldening thing. this cast is crazy. you know, regina king, dion cole. [ applause ] danielle detwiler. it's crazy. i can ride a horse,ky offer you that. jay z., i hugged him and thanked him for the role. he said oh, we're going to kill this thing. and this the middle of the pandemic, i lived in santa fe and stayed there when the film went down. i just thought about that.

jay zmp. says you're going to kl it, so you have to believe in that. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's exciting. you've got a lot ahead of you. you're going to kill that movie. you killed the movie, now you're going to kill some avengers on top of it. >> i'm a killer. now we have to find laney. >> jimmy: finally, the final person on your list is laney. jonathan majors, everybody. "the harder they fall" is in select theaters, october 22nd and on netflix november 3rd. we'll be right back with music from walk the moon.

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>> jimmy: the name of their upcoming album is called "heights." it comes out november 12th. here with the song "can you handle my love," walk the moon! ♪ ♪ i woke up this morning ♪ ♪ and my vitals were low

my eyes were red from crying ♪ ♪ i was up until four turned up the sound of silence ♪ ♪ lying dead on the floor it's just the way that i am i'm a mess ♪ ♪ and it's literal got a hole in my heart gonna fill it ♪ ♪ with chemicals so i drove to my cousin's i was feeling like -- ♪ ♪ until i walked through the door and then my energy flipped ♪ ♪ another day in paradise i'm high with my friends it's what i did last night ♪ ♪ i think i'll do it again it's just the way that i am i'm a freak ♪ ♪ and it's literal what you got got a hole in my heart ♪ ♪ gonna fill it with chemicals it's just the way ♪ ♪ that i am not trying to be difficult i got a crush on you ♪ ♪ and it's not just physical can you handle my love

then take a chance ♪ ♪ with my love so can you handle my love then close your eyes ♪ ♪ roll the dice take a chance with my chance with my love ♪ ♪ all the possibilities get me feeling kinda free then my insecurities ♪ ♪ get me down on my knees like i can't believe i need a release ♪ ♪ gotta feed my soul gotta spread my wings i make mistakes ♪ ♪ but i still own up i may be late but i still show up ♪ ♪ if you can't relate then you're too grown up life is the bomb ♪ ♪ and it might blow up it's just the way that i am ♪ ♪ i'm alive and it's bittersweet got a hole in my heart ♪ ♪ trying to fill it with everything and anything ♪ ♪ it's just the way that i am not trying to be difficult ♪ ♪ what you got i got a crush on you and it's not just physical ♪

♪ so can you handle my love then take a chance with my love ♪ ♪ so can you handle my love then close your eyes roll the dice ♪ ♪ take a chance with my chance with my love my dream plane lands ♪ ♪ and i open my eyes the sun is up already and my head is on fire ♪ ♪ i guess you must like me 'cause you're still by my side ♪ ♪ i haven't slept in days and i feel so alive feel so alive ♪ ♪ feel so alive i feel so alive

feel so alive ♪ ♪ so can you handle my love then take a chance with my love ♪ ♪ can you handle my love then close your eyes roll the dice ♪ ♪ take a chance with my chance with my love take a chance with my love ♪ ♪ take a chance with my love chance with my love my love ♪ ♪ take a chance with my ♪

>> jimmy: i want to thank martin short, jonathan majors and walk the moon. apologies to matt damon. tomorrow night, larry david and david chang, with music from phoebe bridgers. thanks for watching. "nightline" is next.

i now turn you over to their custody. goodnight. this is "nightline." tonight, nfl bombshell. the raiders head coach stepping down after his offensive emails surface. plus, selma blair, opening up about her struggles with m.s. and her experimental treatment. >> if i were to die, i was so tired. >> unfiltered and honest in a new documentary. >> i'm so sorry, i can't talk right now. we're shooting the final days of my life. >> what she wants the world to know. and the hugely popular squid game. the record breaking, spine tingling south korean horror show based on children's games. why the survival drama is so addictive.