Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  December 17, 2021 11:35pm-12:37am PST

11:35 pm
hope you have a break -- great weekend and good night. ♪ >> announcer: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, will forte, lily collins, and music from isaiah rashad featuring sza. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, thank you. very nice. hi, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] very kind. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching and thanks for coming. please relax. it was a rare cold and rainy day here in sunny los angeles. got down to the 50s today, it was cold, right? >> guillermo: yeah, very cold. >> jimmy: very cold. >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: very cold. >> guillermo: very, very, very cold.
11:36 pm
>> jimmy: it wasn't that cold. but it was wet. it was raining. either a lumberjack or the ed a- little girl on the front of morton salt today. [ laughter ] there's a lot of foul weather fashion happening. but rain, those aren't the droplets we need to worry about. because in the past week cases of covid in l.a. are up by more than 100%. the good news is, a vast majority of los angelenos have been vaccinated. and why? because we started sneaking it into botox shots. [ laughter ] the omicron, omicron variant, whatever they call it, is here. and no one has been hit harder than the owners of a little restaurant in west bend, wisconsin. >> the family restaurant in wisconsin is trying to make the best of a bad situation. the restaurant named omicron was started by greek immigrant brothers 50 years ago. >> jimmy: "i told you we should have named it chlamydia!" you don't listen! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i think they should start naming
11:37 pm
these after sitcom characters. the urkel variant. the costanza. maybe a big ragu. may he rest in peace. [ laughter ] a lot of companies have resumed having office christmas parties, including the right-wing network ne newsmax. and this is good, employees going to the newsmax holiday party in new york must show proof of vaccination. after all the vaccination -- merry hypocrites-mas, everybody! [ laughter ] [ applause ] meanwhile, at fox news, they are maing a mountain out of an act of vandalism outside their studio. i mentioned last night, a homeless man was arrested yesterday for setting the fox news christmas tree on fire. this guy has a long criminal record. he reportedly exposed himself outside the ghislaine maxwell trial last week. [ laughter ] it would seem that he might have some mental issues. but whether it is or not, fox desperately wants this to be a political thing. >> here's the thing. in new york under the liberal
11:38 pm
policies of bail reform arson is only a felony, you can only be held if it's a felony, if the suspect tries to harm a person or commits a hate crime. and apparently lighting a christmas tree on fire is not a hate crime. >> but it is. >> a lot of people could have been injured. >> yeah, but here's the thing. >> who says it's not a hate crime against us, fox news? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i will. it's not. you can't commit a hate crime against a channel. [ laughter ] in the same way you can't shoplift at etsy. it's impossible, really. [ laughter ] they must not have anything to talk about at fox this week, because they really went to town on this "we have been victimized" jag. and no one did more phony foaming at the mouth than the little dumber boy, >> destroying someone's religious symbol would be called a hate crime. that's a category much beloved and meticulously chronicled by the biden justice department. the doj can tell you precisely how many korans were burned last year in the united states, but they don't keep track of
11:39 pm
christmas trees. why is that? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, for one, little snowflake, unlike the koran, christians don't base our faith on pine trees. [ laughter ] it's the reason we don't hang popcorn and cookie monster ornaments on the bible. [ laughter ] but you know that. they really do seem to be out of stuff to talk about. laura ingraham last night filled her hour of vomit time lashing out at a totally non-political show, the live versions of "facts life" and "diff'rent strokes." >> my old acting teacher stella adler used to say there are two things you can't play, sexy and young. and this proved her right on both counts. >> is there a dramatic effect they're seeking putting middle-aged people in the roles? is it telling us truly we're living in an infantilized adult society? they never can get -- just like hillary. hillary can't get past the fact that pretty much no one wanted her to be president. and these people can't get past the fact that, you know, some of their better dramatic days are
11:40 pm
perhaps in the past. >> jimmy: good tie there, tom petty's disgusting ghost. [ laughter ] i don't know how she connected hillary clinton to that. hillary clinton, by the way, launched a new project today, a master class. you know that website where, like, ray liotta teaches you to smoke? [ laughter ] well, hillary is now teaching a masterclass on resilience. which is largely about how she got over losing to donald trump. >> i'm going to share with you what i intended to say if i had been elected in 2016. >> jimmy: wait, why? [ laughter ] we don't want to hear that. you know when we wanted to hear that? after the election in 2016. [ laughter ] >> my fellow americans, today you sent a message to the whole world. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what is this? what is she doing?
11:41 pm
is this a christmas present for donald trump? [ laughter ] it's like she made him a cameo video for his birthday. donald trump will mastur-bate to this master-class. [ applause ] but i guess it isn't all about trump. it's mostly they say about learning to have confidence or something in yourself. >> there are steps you can take to build confidence in yourself. [ laughter ] to begin to trust yourself about the decisions you will make. this class is for anyone, at any age, who wants to think about building a life of meaning and purpose. i'm hillary rodham clinton, and this is "masterclass." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you'd think the camera guys would notice. the class is part of a white house series featuring the clintons, president bush, even
11:42 pm
trump is teaching a course, it's called "how to love mcdonald's more than your children." [ laughter ] meanwhile, the rightful loser of the last election is having some legal troubles. the attorney general of new york plans to subpoena our former commander-in-cheetos as part of their investigation into the trump organization. the a.g. wants an in-person deposition to determine whether "widespread fraud permeated the trump organization." i don't think you need a deposition to determine that. investigating whether "widespread fraud permeated the trump organization" is like investigating whether widespread mushroom use permeated coachella. [ laughter ] of course it did. and it does. but this is good news. because if there's one thing -- if there's one thing the last five years have taught me, it's that the only way to beat trump is through a protracted legal battle that he will eventually win. [ laughter ] hey, remember when he told us to drink bleach to stop covid? [ laughter ] well, i would like to introduce you to ron johnson, a senator from wisconsin. johnson from wisconsin. last week, he said dr. fauci
11:43 pm
"overhyped" covid and aids. diseases that, combined, have killed more than 40 million people. and during a town hall meeting with his constituents yesterday, he offered helpful tips for those looking to ward off the virus without a vaccine. >> there are things you can do, vitamin "d," zinc, keep yourself healthy. vitamin "c." by the way, standard gargle. mouthwash. has been proven to kill the coronavirus. if you get it, you may reduce viral replication. there's all -- why not try all these things? >> jimmy: yeah, what the hell. and why not stick pez up your nose? [ laughter ] block the virus from flying up there. mouthwash is not an effective way to protect yourself from covid. is it possible he's confusing the coronavirus with gingivitis? [ laughter ] [ applause ] these people. like ron johnson. here's the thing. you don't have to come up with anti-covid remedies because we already have a vaccine. and guess who recommends we get the vaccine?
11:44 pm
no, not a senator with a b.a. in accounting. it's -- you know those people when you get a really bad pain in your side, instead of gargling mouthwash, you go to see them? the person who can tell you if it's just gas or you need your appendix taken out? they're called doctors. and there are lots of them. there are probably even some in wisconsin if you look around. [ laughter ] so if you are worried about getting covid, you don't need to buy a big bottle of listerine or spray five squirts of febreze up each nostril. [ laughter ] just consult with a doctor, and odds are that doctor will tell you to get the vaccine. and tomorrow, ron, i'm going to tell you about something called scientists, and it's going to blow your mind. it really is. [ cheers and applause ] it's irresponsible. where did he even get this information? maybe from his wife. maybe he just has bad breath. [ laughter ] "honey, you know what i heard works great to keep the covid away? scope. you should try just a little, swish it around." [ laughter ] the do my own research crowd is a formidable group, and now that children are eligible to get their shots some of the drug
11:45 pm
companies are doing their best to cash in on the next generation of anti-vaxxers. like this, from the people who make ivermectin. >> now that vaccines have been approved for children 5 and up, it's time for parents to decide which covid protection is best for their family. introducing ivermectin jr. the first medication designed to treat young horses that can also be used on human children, maybe? ivermectin jr. comes in a variety of fun colors for the little colt and/or humans running around your home. >> it tastes weird. >> did i ask you how it tastes? eat it. >> and don't worry, while ivermectin jr. may have been intended for animals, kids are technically animals too. >> daddy, it says it's for worms. >> yeah. gummy worms. no, but seriously, it is for horses with intestinal worms. [ laughter ] go ahead. >> your child is literally as healthy as a horse. ivermectin jr.
11:46 pm
not the smart choice, the right choice. [ neighing ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: we've come a long way since this pandemic started. and to prove it, let us open the corona time capsule, once again, for a look back at what was in the news a year ago this week, our latest edition of "this week in covid history." >> this week in covid history, it's december 2020 and big ben has big news. >> 90-year-old margaret kenan, she's become the first person in the world to receive the pfizer vaccine. >> huzzah, she can finally date again. >> sounds like the problems pfizer has made deals with other countries that are going to limit the supply here. >> frankly, i don't know. >> you don't know? you're the chief science adviser for "operation warp speed." >> i don't exactly. >> well, if you want speed, georgie-porgie, strap in. >> if i weren't here, it would have taken two, three, four years before you had this up.
11:47 pm
>> it would normally take five years, six years, seven years. the average development can take 8 to 12 years. before "operation warp speed," the typical time frame for development could be infinity. >> and beyond! >> emergency, mayor down, mayor down! >> what's this now? who's in the meat wagon? >> president trump's personal attorney tested positive for covid. now in the hospital. >> oh, speak to us, rudy! >> i have to say, the minute i took the cocktail yesterday, i felt 100% better. it works very quickly, wow. >> drink plenty of blood. schemewhile, trump has a new plan of attack. >> very important people if they have wisdom and if they have courage we're going to win this election. >> hopefully the next administration will be the trump administration. if somebody has the courage. >> but what somebody could he mean? ah, it's our hetero hero.
11:48 pm
>> space itself represents a war-fighting domain. we will be prepared to our freedom in space. >> good night, moon. this has been "this week in covid history." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have to take a break, but when we come back, a very talented group of all-karen christmas carolers, so don't go aay or i will call your manager. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by consumer cellular.
11:49 pm
right now save on holiday gifts for everyone on your list. you can take an extra 40% off on top of already great deals like 40% off pajamas... up to 25% off ninja kitchen appliances... and up to 50% off toys... plus, get kohl's cash! kohl's. with mucinex nightshift you've got powerful relief from your worst nighttime cold and flu symptoms. so grab nightshift to fight your symptoms, get your zzz's... and get back to your rhythm. ♪ the relief you need. the cash you want.
11:50 pm
this season is too big for just red and green. it's the all-idays, and we're bringing alla the color. ooooh, this is lit! what's up snow people! alla the color, alla the gifts. happy all-idays from old navy! the best things america makes are the things america makes out here. the history she writes in her clear blue skies. the legends she births on hometown fields.
11:51 pm
and the future she promises. when we made grand wagoneer, proudly assembled in america, we knew no object would ever rank with the best things in this country. but we believed we could make something worthy of their spirit. mrs. claus the shopping boss here to help you merry savers decorate with the best bargains ever! ross has savings on everything you need to get the party started. because who waits for shipping anymore? or guests?! i love saying yes to more merry for less at ross! this is your home. this is your family room slash gym. the guest bedroom slash music studio.
11:52 pm
the daybed slash dog bed. the living room slash yoga shanti slash regional office slash classroom. and this is the basement slash panic room. maybe what your family needs is a vacation home slash vacation home. find yours on the vrbo app. ♪ mrs. claus the shopping boss here to help you merry savers find the best bargains ever! when you have the world's longest list you go to ross soou can work that budget and get those savings. i love saying yes to more merry for less at ross. ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. will forte, lily collins, and music from isaiah rashad with sza is on the way. but first, you know, we've seen a lot of videos of people saying ridiculous things at county
11:53 pm
board meetings lately, but this one is special because it has a holiday twist. this happened at a meeting of the san diego board of supervisors this week. someone got a little mariah carried away. ♪ i don't want a lot for christmas ♪ ♪ just body autonomy ♪ ♪ i don't care about the variants ♪ ♪ because of natural immunity ♪ >> jimmy: it's like karen karaoke there. [ laughter ] ♪ ivermectin not just horse paste ♪ ♪ and hydroxychloroquine ♪ ♪ vitamin "c" and vitamin "d" ♪ ♪ and the zinc ♪ ♪ i won't wear a useless mask i don't need to stay at home ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you need to stay in a home, it sounds like. but karen-mania has been
11:54 pm
sweeping this country for like the last two years. and here in hollywood, there is a new musical across the street from us called "a christmas karen." [ laughter ] they're doing 18 shows a week right next door to the marshalls. and joining us now, to give us a sample of what they do, please welcome the original cast of "a christmas karen." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ jingle bells ♪ ♪ oh jingle bells jingling bells today ♪ ♪ i swear to god i'm gonna call the [ muted ] hoa ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. doing classics like this. "o christmas tree." ♪ stop filming me stop filming me ♪ ♪ i don't want to go viral ♪ ♪ stop filming me stop filming me ♪ ♪ as i start to spiral ♪ ♪ i'm screaming in the parking lot put on a mask ♪ ♪ i think not ♪ ♪ stop filming me stop filming
11:55 pm
me ♪ ♪ i'll lose my job at michael's ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and the beloved song "we wish you a merry christmas." ♪ i swear that i'm not a racist ♪ ♪ i swear that i'm not a racist i swear that ♪ ♪ i'm p a racist ♪ ♪ i have a black friend ♪ >> jimmy: "hark! the herald angels sing." ♪ hark! the karen angels sing ♪ ♪ we did not do anything ♪ ♪ we just wanted a refund ♪ ♪ for pants we bought in '91 ♪ ♪ if you give your boss a call ♪ ♪ we will picket this whole mall ♪ ♪ just shut up and take it back ♪ ♪ we spend a lot of money at nordstrom rack ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: who doesn't?
11:56 pm
"deck the halls." ♪ deck my facebook wall ♪ ♪ with bull [ bleep ] fa la la la la la la la la ♪ ♪ this meme is fake but i'll still push it fa la la la la ♪ ♪ la la la la the vaccine will give you rabies ♪ ♪ fa la la la la la la la la democrats like ♪ ♪ eating babies fa la la la la la la la la ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: could there possibly be more? why, yes, there are. "auld lang syne." ♪ i don't know what auld lang syne means ♪ ♪ it sounds like a muslim prayer ♪ ♪ if i hear you sing it i'll call i.c.e. and deport you all i swear ♪ >> jimmy: and who can forget the christmas classic, "carol of the bells." ♪ how dare you ask ♪ ♪ i wear a mask in i will barge who is in charge ♪ ♪ i've come here for years now i'm in tears i just want to shop ♪
11:57 pm
♪ i'm calling the cops ring ring ring ring i break everything ♪ ♪ starting to scream causing a scene i cough in your face ♪ ♪ and blame your race in come the cops to tell me to stop ♪ ♪ still i protest under arrest i start to fight ♪ ♪ i know my rights i'm in a daze and acting crazed ♪ ♪ hands i won't raise now i've been tased merry merry merry ♪ ♪ ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the christmas karens. wow. thank you. karens, that was beautiful. thank you, karen jefferson. for sitting in with the band. we have to take a break, but we'll be right back with will forte. one more! ♪ i swear that i'm not a racist ♪ ♪ i swear that i'm not a racist ♪ ♪ i swear that i'm not a racist ♪ ♪ i have a black friend ♪
11:58 pm
[ best of my love by black pumas feat. sofia reyes ] shop target deals now. save $20 when you spend $100 on select toys. just get your offer with target circle. this week only at target. [ music ends ] this holiday season, give your family the gift that keeps on... going? our very own energizer bunny! energizer ultimate lithium. [snowball splat and windshield wiper] the #1 longest-lasting aa battery. ♪ ♪ find anything to make your pet's holiday special. this weekend only, save 50% on all beds and holiday toys. and save 20% on your free same-day delivery order with doordash.
11:59 pm
♪ ♪ petsmart. anything for pets. (chloe) wireless family plans save you money, but then ♪ ♪ you have to deal with family. so i got visible. get unlimited data for as low as $25 a month. no family needed. (dad vo) is the turkey done yet?! (mom vo) here's your turkey! (vo) visible. switch and get up to $200. it's funny how you can order the same thing from childhood all the way to adulthood. the only difference is, somewhere along the way, your mcnuggets became the side order instead of the whole meal. ♪ ba da ba ba ba ♪
12:00 am
shoot. what's wrong? i think i'm down to my last inhaler. don't worry. you can refill it and get it delivered using the kaiser permanente app. smart. refill most prescriptions online and get delivery for no cost.
12:01 am
hey, angie! you forgot your phone! hey lou! angie forget her phone again? refill most prescriptions yep. lou! mom said she could save up to $400 on her wireless bill by switching to xfinity internet and mobile. with nationwide 5g at no extra cost. and lou! on the most reliable network, lou! smart kid, bill... [laughs] so true. and now, the moon christmas special... gotta go! get a great offer on xfinity internet, and you'll get 12 times the speed for the same price when you add xfinity mobile. switch today. sing 2.
12:02 am
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there, welcome back to our show. tonight, from "emily in paris" on netflix, lily collins is with us. [ cheers and applause ]
12:03 am
and then later, from chattanooga, tennessee, his album is called "the house is burning," music from isaiah rashad with sza on the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] next week, we've got all new shows with ben affleck, neil patrick harris, and rupaul, the cast of "spider-man: no way home," tom holland, zendaya, benedict cumberbatch, and jacob batalon, with music from black pumas and the record company. [ cheers and applause ] that's a solid week for sure. our first guest tonight is one of the funniest members of our species. you can see him armed, mulletted, and frequently naked as former green beret, navy s.e.a.l., and army ranger "macgruber." >> we need you, macgruber. >> of course you do. >> the prepared to release you from prison, restore your pension, and grant you a full pardon. >> oh, a full pardon? you mean for a crime i didn't commit? >> you killed an unarmed man in front of 75 people at your own wedding. >> unarmed? he shot a rocket-propelled rpg at our wedding pagoda.
12:04 am
>> you could have just arrested him. you threw him off a cliff, riddled him with bullets, and urinated on his corpse. >> [ bleep ] deserved everything he got and you know that. >> jimmy: eight episodes of "macgruber" drop a week from today on peacock. please say hello to will forte. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: good to see you. it's been a long time since i saw you. >> it has been a long time. >> jimmy: a lot has happened since the last time i saw you. >> a ton has happened. >> jimmy: you had a baby, you got married. >> baby, got married. >> jimmy: sometimes people clap at those things. [ cheers and applause ] >> a little baby right here. >> jimmy: oh my god. is that your baby? >> my father's day present, yeah, little zoe. >> jimmy: that's very cute. >> oh, i have a present for you. >> jimmy: really? wow. >> we had the "macgruber" premiere last night and they passed out these cookies.
12:05 am
[ applause ] >> jimmy: oh. can i hold that? is it safe to eat? >> i think it tastes like celery. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i accidentally ate a dog biscuit last night on the show. >> you did? >> jimmy: yes, i had no idea it was a dog biscuit. >> they're making better and better dog biscuits. >> jimmy: wasn't bad. really wasn't bad. [ laughter ] so the last time i saw you was on "who wants to be a millionaire," you were a contestant on the show. >> yes. >> jimmy: this was like an hour before covid started, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: it was crazy. >> it really was -- different things were starting to shut down. and i came in, and it was really the first taste of real rigid safety stuff. i was very appreciative, because you guys weren't messing around. everybody was masked and distanced and it was -- it was really nice. because i brought my -- >> jimmy: your dad. >> my dad. >> jimmy: your dad was your expert, right? >> he was my expert. >> jimmy: i've been wanting to ask you about this, actually, since this happened, which was
12:06 am
about -- >> about? >> jimmy: about your dad. during the show, i asked your dad what his area of expertise was. because he was there to help you with questions. i said like what subject matter? and he said, broadway musicals. and you turned around like, what zm? [ laughter ] it seemed to be a revelation for you. >> i'm thinking he hid that from me his whole life. >> jimmy: you had no idea your dad was into broadway musicals? >> no, no. >> jimmy: that's his number one thing. >> yeah. i was very surprised. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: was that really your dad? [ laughter ] is that possible? >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: you brought in a ringer or something? >> that was my dad. no, he's great. he's got a beautiful voice. but i've never heard him really sing that much. he's got the craziest laugh. his laugh is like a horror movie person laugh. [ laughter ] he laughs like, "ah-ah-ah."
12:07 am
i have some friends in the audience. >> jimmy: you do? >> nicky, martha and monica. they have heard this laugh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you've heard the laugh? >> i'm not joking, right? if anything, i'm not -- it's even slower and more methodical. "ah-ah-ah." >> jimmy: a little herman munster in there. >> yeah. it's so fun to hear. >> jimmy: you got married after you had the baby. you've always been a go-getter. you always really have been -- you jump right on top of things. and you guys, you brought a picture. i hope you don't mind me showing it. since you brought it, i guess you don't. this is a photograph. of i assume your wedding. that's so cute. >> lydia. zoe is our little baby who's there and on my socks, as you know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did she officiate the wedding? >> my sister officiated it. >> jimmy: your sister did. >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow. >> so we -- when we did "who wants to be a millionaire," that
12:08 am
was like a thursday. then the monday was the official start of lockdown. and that was also the first day that we were talking to a wedding planner. >> jimmy: oh. >> so we decided, you know what, let's just wait. all these people are having to postpone their weddings, we're in no rush. >> jimmy: smart. >> we'll wait. then a year goes by. then the baby comes into the picture. which was always part of the plan. but just, you know, we always thought we'd get married first and then have the baby. so eventually what happened was we're filming "macgruber" this summer. and it just so happened my whole family was coming out to visit right around the same time. so about two weeks before they come out we just said, let's get married. let's surprise them and get married. so we had everybody come in this bus, show up in the back of jorma taconi's back yard, his rental house. then when my sister was driving with my parents, she gave us like a five-minute warning. we said everybody, sit down. basically they pulled into the
12:09 am
driveway to this already in progress wedding that they had no idea about. it was so fun. >> jimmy: were they dressed up? did they know -- >> my sister had a great idea. she said, you know, we're never -- we're hardly ever together. why don't we take christmas pictures since we're all together? >> jimmy: ah. >> had them dress up. >> jimmy: everybody's in red and green sweaters, the whole deal? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. so you got married. did you go on a honeymoon or no? >> no honeymoon. >> jimmy: skipped the honeymoon. >> basically just luxuriated in te beautiful city of albuquerque. >> jimmy: yes, right. where you shot "macgruber." which is hysterically funny. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it is unbelievably funny. [ cheers and applause ] it looked like it was a lot of fun. and i love how seriously you guys -- and you're naked also, which is great. [ laughter ] >> that's -- i am naked quite a bit. it was a bummer for everybody on that crew. everybody in the cast. >> jimmy: yeah, the show is super funny.
12:10 am
>> thanks. >> jimmy: it's well worth watching. i want to mention -- >> i can't believe they let us do -- sorry. >> jimmy: no, i want to mention something, because you brought a couple of pictures. this is a really, really good story, i think. i would love if you would share it with us. because you did something nice for charity, for the boys & girls club, riot? >> yes. my wife is on the board of the boys and girls club of venice. and so we -- we were trying to figure out an auction item that we could do to raise money for the club. so i decided, oh, maybe we'll offer the chance for one person and five friends to be the first people to see "macgruber." like with me and ryan phillippe. and then i put some incentives in there. i said, okay, if it gets to $15,000, you can have a page from the kfbr 392 notebook that i choose. then i said, if it gets to $30,000 -- and i was positive it wouldn't even get to $5,000. i said, if it's $30,000, you can
12:11 am
have a page from that of your choosing. and then as a joke i said, if it gets to $100,000, i will take you twice a year to yogurt for the rest of my life. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. and i also put in there fortes are known to live into their 90s. it's not crazy. i take care of myself. i'm on crestor. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so somebody paid this? >> $100,000. >> jimmy: $100,000. >> $100,000. i am on the hook. >> jimmy: what's the guy's name? >> his name is eric. >> jimmy: his name is eric. >> his name is eric. and you know, it's -- i got to talk to him on the phone. dinner?y: you took him to - >> that is eric. riot there. >> jimmy: which one? >> eric's right there in the front. he's an awesome guy. there's ryan phillippe. there's me. >> jimmy: dinner. was yogurt served at this dinner? >> there was no yogurt at the dinner. i didn't even do a yogurt, it was the dumbest thing, i have to do it all over. [ laughter ] i don't know the deal, i don't
12:12 am
know if i have to get him in before 2022 or if i have a year from when the auction was. >> jimmy: i don't know. if i was you, i would do like three weeks straight every day of yogurt and say "see you in 2035." [ laughter ] >> you know what, he is a delightful dude. we went to white sands national monument along the way. we ate in this haunted steak house. >> jimmy: what? [ laughter ] is it haunted by the cows? [ laughter ] >> yeah, yeah. then we showed a couple episodes of "macgruber." you know, and cherry on top, i got to step in his little puppy's dog crap. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, boy. >> yeah. cute little puppy. >> jimmy: very nice of you to do. i'll be honest, if i'd been at that dinner i would have bid but transferred the prize to like the worst person in the world. like harvey weinstein or something like that. you'd have to go to yogurt with him twice a year. wouldn't that be great? it's all for the boys and girls club, everybody! >> no, it is so worth it because
12:13 am
it's such a good organization. >> jimmy: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] everyone, i invite everybody. >> jimmy: who pays for the yogurt? >> i'm going to pay for the yogurt. >> jimmy: wow. he even pays for the yogurt. will forte, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] he's a philanthropist and a wonderful actor as well. "macgruber" premieres a week from today on peacock. we'll be back with lily collins. ♪ you are my fire ♪ ♪ the one desire ♪ ♪ you are, you are, ♪ ♪ don't wanna hear you say... ♪ ♪ ♪ i want it that way ♪
12:14 am
ho ho ho! not again. oh no. for the gifts you won't forget. the mercedes-benz winter event. get a credit toward your first month's payment on select models. there's a different way to treat hiv. it's once-monthly injectable cabenuva. cabenuva is the only once-a-month, complete hiv treatment for adults who are undetectable. cabenuva helps keep me undetectable. it's two injections, given by a healthcare provider once a month. hiv pills aren't on my mind. i love being able to pick up and go. don't receive cabenuva if you're allergic
12:15 am
to its ingredients or taking certain medicines, which may interact with cabenuva. serious side effects include allergic reactions post-injection reactions, liver problems,...and depression. if you have a rash and other allergic reaction symptoms, stop cabenuva and get medical help right away. tell your doctor if you have liver problems or mental health concerns, and if you are pregnant, breastfeeding, or considering pregnancy. some of the most common side effects include injection site reactions, fever, and tiredness. if you switch to cabenuva, attend all treatment appointments. with once-a-month cabenuva, i'm good to go. ask your doctor about once-monthly cabenuva. this is your home. this is your family room slash gym. the guest bedroom slash music studio. the daybed slash dog bed. the living room slash yoga shanti slash regional office slash classroom. and this is the basement slash panic room. maybe what your family needs
12:16 am
is a vacation home slash vacation home. find yours on the vrbo app. ♪ find yours on the vrbo app. pringles original, barbecue, pizza. the barbecue pizza stack. (cheers) where is everyone? pringles, endless flavors to stack. expecting someone else? it's the all-idays, and no matter how you jingle, we've got your jammies. nice, nice. it's the naughty ones who make history. alla the jingle jammies, alla the gifts. happy all-idays from old navy! ♪ gifts for elves... check.♪ now i just need a dang coupon code.... ♪ (ding!) hold your reindeer, santa! samuel! what's up? i've got a gift for you!
12:17 am
capital one shopping instantly searches for available coupon codes and automatically applies them. just download it to your computer! it's free. whoa! oooh! i have that. saved me a bundle. you have that? mmm-hm. what! so does that get me off your naughty list? are you off the naughty words? yes. ho ho ho! i don't think so. capital one shopping. it's kinda genius. what's in your wallet?
12:18 am
12:19 am
>> jimmy: isaiah rashad and sza is on the way. our next guest is a talented young woman with a very popular show, season deux of "emily in paris" premieres december 22nd on netflix. please welcome lily collins. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you also got married. it's like a newlywed show here. [ cheers and applause ] >> i noticed that, thank you. > jimmy: congratulations. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: where did you get married? >> at a place called dunton hot springs in colorado. >> jimmy: i've been to that place. >> you have? >> jimmy: i have, yes. it's a great place. >> isn't it beautiful? >> jimmy: it is. >> an old abandoned ghost town, mining town, made into a hotel. nothing more romantic than a ghost town to get married in. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: like, hey, everybody left, i want to go there. [ laughter ] >> exactly. you feel the spirits, the new, the old. it's great. >> jimmy: was your family there, the whole group?
12:20 am
>> yes, my family, charlie's family. we hadn't been there until the day before, so that was really fun too. >> jimmy: never been there, so that's a fun way to do it. oh, you didn't get to see the wedding setup at all? >> i was part of the wedding setup. >> jimmy: i see. >> it was raining and i was -- we were like gathering tables. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> it was fun. it was really do it yourself. >> jimmy: very down to earth. the stars really are just like us. [ laughter ] you really hit the jackpot as far as in-laws go. because your husband -- tell me if i have this wrong. mary steenburgen and malcolm mcdowell are your in-laws. >> yes. >> jimmy: ted danson is married to mary steenburgen. >> yes. >> jimmy: who's like the greatest guy in the whole world. >> i noticed him backstage in the photo. >> jimmy: we've papered the walls with pictures of him. [ laughter ] did they all give speeches because they're actors and wonderful and all that stuff? >> yeah, i had my parents make speeches, and charlie, yeah, everyone made speeches. >> jimmy: everyone probably knows your dad's phil collins. [ cheers and applause ] which covers the band, you don't
12:21 am
have to hire a band, right? >> actually, the really cool thing, so my younger brother -- i have two younger brothers. one of them, nicholas, is 20. he's now officially genesis's drummer. >> jimmy: i heard that. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. it's wild. >> jimmy: have you been to the show? >> yeah, i just was at madison square garden with charlie. and it was genesis, and then my 20-year-old brother playing with these legends. i remember at 2 years old nicholas would drum away, you know, learning how to play, holding his sticks. and i was so annoyed because he'd wake me up every morning during the summers. i'd be like shut up, it's so noisy. >> jimmy: he played your dad's drum set? >> no, he had like a little tiny thing, he'd be just like -- you know, however you play drums, i don't know. i'm not a drummer. [ laughter ] clearly. and it would just be so noisy. and now i was brought to tears because i'm just watching him going -- >> jimmy: that's very sweet. and then watching your dad, who hadn't been -- they're on a reunion tour, right? >> yeah, they're almost done i
12:22 am
think with the u.s. >> jimmy: had you seen him in a huge venue like that in a long time? >> my dad? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i think about three years ago he did his solo tour, and nicholas was drumming with him starting at 16, which is just wild. >> jimmy: that's crazy. >> yeah, it had been a minute. it was really fun. and i was standing next to nicholas's girlfriend. >> jimmy: do you think dad pays him as much as the other guys? [ laughter ] like tony banks -- >> i know he gets a per diem, he did mention that. >> jimmy: gets an envelope with $75 in it? yeah. [ laughter ] >> for room service or whatever, yeah. >> jimmy: you know i'm kind of obsessed with your father. what's your favorite of your dad's songs? >> i'm going to go to genesis, but i really love "i can't dance." >> jimmy: really, that one? >> i remember as a kid like all of them dancing. >> jimmy: yeah. the video is funny to that. his videos were funny. i'm sure that made some kind of an impression on you. >> you know what's funny is i remember when i was younger asking my dad one day saying did you ever do music videos? >> jimmy: really? >> he was like, what? my older brother was like, are you kidding me?
12:23 am
then he gave me the box set of video cassettes. he's like, "here you go." [ laughter ] and i was like, oh, you were funny! [ laughter ] puppets and the whole thing. oh, that's funny. >> jimmy: yeah, the puppets even became a primetime television show. >> yeah, they were creepy. >> jimmy: that was from "the land of confusion" video. go ahead, ask me anything. [ applause ] >> my god, yes, very impressive. >> jimmy: did you go on a honeymoon? >> we did. so the deal was that i would plan the wedding and then charlie would plan the honeymoon. so knowing how much i love the cold, which i don't -- [ laughter ] we went on like an arctic circle -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> swedish, lapland, edge of the world, scandinavian food tour. and it was amazing. but it was freezing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: were you mad when he told you what the plan was? were you angry? >> no, i was -- no. because it was so beautiful and well thought out.
12:24 am
i definitely was like not so cool on the fact that it was one suitcase, 17 flights, and lots of cold weather. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but no, it was perfect. >> jimmy: do you think you made a mistake with charlie? [ laughter ] >> never. no. it was -- no. >> jimmy: do people watch "emily in paris" everywhere you go all over to these various countries? [ cheers and applause ] i know it's very popular here. but it's also so popular all over the world, right? >> you know where it's weirdly popular is on airplanes in the sky. every flight attendant recently has knelt down during the flight and said, "do you want anything to drink? i just have to ask, is there a season 2?" and i'm like about to go to sleep. and it's always like a flight attendant. it's so funny. >> jimmy: why do you think that is? >> maybe they're bingeing it in the back? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: maybe. hopefully if the pilot says something you know you can get off that plane. >> that's true.
12:25 am
no, it's been wonderful filming again in paris for season 2 was amazing. we were so embraced in the city. when ashley and i go out, we're kind of like mindy and emily in that we're very loud. >> jimmy: loud americans? yeah, yeah. >> yes, even with masks on, blah blah blah! people are like, oh my god, are you mindy and emily? it was very jarring because we experienced season 1 coming out in covid. so we weren't outside at all. >> jimmy: right, right. >> so no one really had time to interact with us or we didn't know if it was hitting well with audiences. so when we went back to paris we just found that we had to be more like quiet because we couldn't go anywhere without talking and amping each other up. >> jimmy: wow, how about that. >> it was fun, though. >> jimmy: congratulations on all your success. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's great to see you. >> thank you. >> jimmy: tell your whole family i said hello. >> i will. >> jimmy: lily collins! season 2 of "emily in paris" december 22nd on netflix. we'll be back with isaiah rashad and sza!
12:26 am
d] welcome to allstate. ♪ [band plays] ♪ a place where everyone lives life well-protected. ♪ and even when things go a bit wrong, we've got your back. here, things work the way you wish they would. and better protection costs a whole lot less. you're in good hands with allstate. click or call for a lower auto rate today. i just love having to check-in online, you're in good hands with allstate. and having to do it again on the mobile app. and having to do it again in-person. are there any other ways that i have to check-in? no. but we're working on it. [ laughter ] i've only ever bought bird seed from this website,
12:27 am
but they're recommending cat food. i think we need a cat. they know us so well. who wants a kitty cat? who wants... you want a kitty cat. ♪ ♪ ♪ it may not be music to your ears, but as long as it's music to theirs. bring the volume back to the venue with exclusive ticket access to unmissable events. one of the many reasons you're with amex platinum. (chloe) wireless family plans save you money, but then you have to deal with family. so i got visible. get unlimited data for as low as $25 a month. no family needed. (dad vo) is the turkey done yet?! (mom vo) here's your turkey! (vo) visible. switch and get up to $200. ♪
12:28 am
hey! what's up? we're all a local somewhere... so visit your local, and make every sunday, local bar sunday. ♪ ♪ best of my love by black pumas feat. sofia reyes ♪ shop our holiday best deals now through saturday at target. local bar sunday. save on select men's shirts, kitchen appliances, floorcare and more. this week only at target. [ end music ] the classic hollywood story. we meet the hero, the all-new nissan frontier hero faces seemingly impossible challenge. tension builds... the plot twist the hero prevails in hollywood, this would be the end. but our here, we are just getting started. introducing the all-new nissan frontier. my plaque psoriasis...
12:29 am
...the itching... but our here, we are just getting started. the burning. the stinging. my skin was no longer mine. my psoriatic arthritis, made my joints stiff, swollen... painful. emerge tremfyant®. with tremfya®, adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis... ...can uncover clearer skin and improve symptoms at 16 weeks. tremfya® is the only medication of its kind also approved for adults with active psoriatic arthritis. serious allergic reactions may occur. tremfya® may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms or if you had a vaccine or plan to. emerge tremfyant® with tremfya®... ask you doctor about tremfya® today. want your clothes to smell freshly washed all day without heavy perfumes? try new downy light in-wash scent beads. it has long-lasting light scent, no heavy perfumes, and no dyes. finally, a light scent that lasts all day. new downy light!
12:30 am
there's this feeling we chase... like someone upped the brightness on the entire world. a full body endorphin rush we'll chase again and again. feel the hydrow high this holiday season. >> announcer: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
12:31 am
>> jimmy: wow, look at that. i like the artwork on this album. it's called "the house is burning." it's out now. their song is called "score." with an assist from sza, isaiah rashad! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ play right play right ♪ ♪ don't wanna control ya right it keeping score tonight ♪ ♪ play right play right don't wanna hold up ♪ ♪ the night don't wanna control ya right ♪ ♪ keeping score tonight just wanna ride ride with you ♪ ♪ shoot and i would d d w you pain you gotta notice ♪
12:32 am
♪ war scars and more you got some baggage emotions ♪ ♪ crash and control issues lagging and loading heart was too open ♪ ♪ i put that over peace you know i'd rather ride die with you ♪ ♪ but would you do it for the guy i'm never outta reach ♪ ♪ you know i wanna ride right with you or [ muted ] alive ♪ ♪ meanwhile i'm racing daylight daylight i'm gone i hit the freeway ♪ ♪ get ghost i'm lost i noticed it was unlocked unlocked uh-huh ♪ ♪ they got us at the stove they got me like don't leave us ♪ ♪ play right play right don't wanna hold up ♪ ♪ the night don't wanna control you right ♪ ♪ keeping score tonight play right play right i am ♪ ♪ don't wanna hold up the night i am ♪ ♪ don't wanna control you right i am ♪ ♪ keeping score tonight ♪ ♪ with you and i just decided you ain't worth my time ♪
12:33 am
♪ can't get you off of my mind can't risk ♪ ♪ little did i even know that you move in silence did all your dirty ♪ ♪ in private you over your time limit baby you know ♪ ♪ that to score you know i be dying to get right ♪ ♪ right with you you know i been trying to get right right with you ♪ ♪ overtime can't get right did too much out of spite did too much ♪ ♪ can't get right get right keep score with you ♪ ♪ at war with you on the streets just trying to do more for you ♪ ♪ what's the first place i'ma go ♪ ♪ trade scores with you what's love but a deviation ♪ ♪ play right play right i am ♪ ♪ gonna hold you like i am gonna
12:34 am
control you like i am ♪ ♪ keeping score tonight mm ♪ ♪ play right play right i am ♪ ♪ wanna hold you like i am ♪ ♪ wanna control you like i am ♪ ♪ keeping score tonight ♪ ♪ >> "jimmy kimmel live," thank you for having us tonight, thank you for having me and sza, yeah. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. financial planning is finding your home away from home.
12:35 am
♪ and, it's designing a plan to help get you there. start a relationship with citi and earn a cash bonus when you open a new eligible account and complete required activities.
12:36 am
wealth management is planning your path together. and, it's guiding you along the way. start a relationship with citi and earn a cash bonus when you open a new eligible account and complete required activities. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks to will forte, lily collins, isaiah rashad, and sza. apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next. thanks for watching, and on behalf of myself, our staff, and guillermo, we wish you a very good night. good night!
12:37 am
this is "nightline." >> tonight, call for clemency. >> i think a lot of women see themselves in nikki. they see themselves as a mother, as a survivor. >> the young mother found guilty of killing her alleged abuser. why her case is offering others hope. >> it will place pressure on prosecutors across the united states to really rethink their strategy and to stop prosecuting criminalized survivors. plus, ben affleck. the hollywood leading man lays it out. >> i don't think there's anything all that special or particularly interesting about being a recovering alcoholic. >> his family, his life now, and what his chi

192 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on