Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  February 7, 2022 11:35pm-12:37am PST

11:35 pm
>> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, keegan-michael key, jennifer coolidge, and music from sylvan esso, and now, jimmy kimmel! ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. hello, everyone. hi, everybody. great night. i am jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. we have so much to get to starting with, i don't know if you heard about this, but a major celebrity breakup over the weekend. donald trump and mike pence
11:36 pm
have gone the way of kim and ye. trump has been blowing the old "pence should have overturned the election" horn a lot lately. so on friday, mike pence marched into an event at the federalist society in florida, just a couple hours up the road from mar-a-lardo. and, after a year of being thrown under the access hollywood bus, mike pence finally, kind of, stood up for himself. >> there are those in our party who believe that as the presiding officer of the joint session of congress that i possess unilateral authority to reject electoral college votes. and i heard this week that president trump said i had the right to overturn the election. president trump is wrong. >> what? no i'm not. >> the presidency belongs to the american people and the american people alone. >> jimmy: you know that's just a waste of perfectly good chicken is what that is. those are strong words.
11:37 pm
"president trump was wrong." you know he spent all day practicing that in front of a mirror, as mother patted him gently on the britches. and he didn't stop there. pence said there is "no idea more un-american than the notion that any one person could choose the american president." well, if that isn't stella getting her groove back, i don't know what is. the vice poodle has been unleashed! what a weird turn of events. i thought for sure melania would dump trump before pence. i guess that means they for sure won't be running together. who will be his running mate? what if he picks his son, djtj can you imagine we have to worry about two donald trumps? don and donner! we are getting more shockingly not shocking details about what trump was up to on january 6. according to his former press secretary, he was confused as to why members of his staff didn't enjoy watching him rewind his favorite moments from the riots as they happened on tv. apparently, when he saw something he liked, he would
11:38 pm
rewind and say, "look how they're fighting for me!" that wasn't a joke. good old captain bonespurs, he's always loved watching others do the fighting. can you imagine how spectacularly pathetic you have to be to get pleasure from that? he probably made don jr. and eric wrestle each other for spaghetti. every friday night. in the end, the white house finally got him to record a message asking the rioters to stop, but they had to do multiple takes because in the first few, he neglected to tell the rioters to stop. which was the whole point of making the video. not to mention, he told those people he was going to the capitol with them. an hour and a half later he is sitting with his tivo remote replaying footage of them getting tear gassed. he's a wonderful man is what i think i'm trying to say. last week, i mentioned that house committee looking into the attack on the capitol had to tape many of trump's white house documents back together because he would rip them apart. he'd tear up briefings, schedules, articles, memos.
11:39 pm
whatever he got his little orange hands on, he would rip it up. and he also took official whte house documents home. the national archives had to go to mar-a-lago last month to retrieve 15 boxes of records he wasn't supposed to take. including his so-called "love letters" from kim jong-un. which they found under the mattress of his water bed. taking them, this is a violation of the presidential record act. which says, "whoever, having the custody of any such record, proceeding, map, book, document, paper, or other thing. willfully and unlawfully conceals, removes, mutilates, obliterates, falsifies, or destroys the same, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than three years, or both. and shall forfeit his office and be disqualified from holding any office under the united states." this is exactly what he did, right? what are we waiting for? disqualify away! [ cheering and applause ] bring in the disqualifiring squaurksd squad, for god's sakes.
11:40 pm
so then, over the weekend, trump's club slash house mar-a-lago, put out this enticing flyer. "great music will be played during dinner on friday and saturday evenings, with president trump playing the role of disc jockey. the music will be amazing, it will be lots of fun, and will go until the late evening. for those who will be unable to be seated, the bar will be open for drinks. we look forward to seeing everyone again very soon! president donald j. trump." dj don! and i'd like you to imagine now what song this great lover of music might pick to get his guests up and going? any guesses? well, i think you'll realize this is the only choice there is. ♪ ♪ it's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a ♪ >> jimmy: that's right. the ymca is the inexplicable campaign rally song. the man inexplicably lives in a
11:41 pm
catering hall. he also dances like a rock 'em, sock 'em robot. this country is not a happy place right now. there are uprisings happening all around us. in vacaville, california, even a group of fourth graders has had enough. >> step by step, students left class to rally out front. >> that's how we feel about it. we feel really strongly about it. we want to protest and bring it back. >> what do we want? >> chocolate milk! >> students say that delicious drink needs to come back to class. officials say they hear the students loud and clearly. >> i appreciate you. >> and decided to do chocolate milk one day every other week. >> jimmy: all right. a peaceful protest for chocolate milk. this is where gandhi and sonny the cuoco for cocoa puffs bird intersect right there. speaking of strange new couples, a major merger is on the way. between spirit and frontier airlines. they have agreed to come together as one. if the deal goes through, the
11:42 pm
fifth largest airline in the country and also the worst. frontier and spirit believe that by combining their assets, they'll have almost enough seatbelts for all their passengers. it should be great. you know the olympics are happening. the olympics are underway and the words on everyone's lips are "oh, they are?" friday was the opening ceremony in beijing. did you watch the opening ceremony? yeah. that's what i was talking about. it was nice. fabulous, beautiful people from all over the world, brightly colored flags, flamboyant costumes. it's the closest china will ever get to throwing a gay pride parade. one of the athletes that caught the world's attention is nathan crumpton. he is a skeleton racer from american samoa. and he is all oiled up. normally you would not want to be so oily in that proximity to a torch. but that's nathan for you. you know, they had to make all the snow for the games. they had to make it.
11:43 pm
it's artificial snow. and the venue for the women's freestyle ski jumping competition, not only is the snow fake, it looks like an abandoned power plant. because it is an abandoned power plant. those are cooling towers from an old coal-fired steel mill. seems ironic to hold a winter olympic event in front of the reason they don't have winter anymore. [ applause ] there have been lots of complaints from athletes which we often hear from the winter olympics who have the misfortune of testing positive for covid. they are forced to isolate in a quarantine hotel. they put them all in this one hotel. one biathlete from russia shared a photo of a meal she was served, which consisted of several potatoes, plain pasta, and charred meat. they're feeding them like divorced dads feed their kids. but despite the criticism from the athletes, the current president of the ioc and former fire festival organizer ja rule
11:44 pm
says these complaints are completely overblown. this is a huge week sports-wise. maybe the biggest week ever. this is the first year that the olympics and the super bowl are happening at the same time. on sunday, super bowl lvi takes place right here in l.a. the cincinnati bengals are playing our hometown los angeles rams. the lineup for the halftime show is absolutely great. it's eminem, snoop dogg, mary j. blige, kendrick lamar and dr. dre. [ cheering ] which was exciting news for everyone, with one notable exception, that being greg kelly of newsmax. >> f the nfl, yeah, totally. f the nfl. they're exploitive. they're anti-american. they're a thousand percent woke. they barely even show the national anthem anymore. it's too touchy. and for entertainment this super bowl, who do we have? snoop dogg and his friend dr. dre, two guys who really love
11:45 pm
the slogan "f the police." yeah, f the police. at this moment, these guys, one who helped coin the phrase, the other who sings it all the time. f the police. >> jimmy: wow, that 33 seconds had more pretend outrage than all the wrestlemanias combined. didn't it? but go on -- >> and here's more. "dipping through the city with a glock in a range rove if you sleeping probably not with the same hoe." you get the idea. these are horrible, horrible words. >> jimmy: oh, you wounded little snowflake. we might have to make him a colonel in the cancel culture army. by the way, since you're worried about a song that came out in 1992, here's a picture of snoop dogg since. with one police officer, two police officers, and six police officers, seems like they made up. you can calm down, karen. not only is this a big sports week here in los angeles, tomorrow is when the oscar nominations come out. i will be fast asleep when that
11:46 pm
happens, but someone who won't is louis virtel, one of our oscar-crazy writers who is here now to "virtel it like it is," louis? >> the oscars are my favorite day of the year. who doesn't want to watch nicole kidman and viola davis win awards in front of jack nicholson, who is definitely sleeping? tomorrow morning, the oscar nominations are announced at 5:18 a.m. literally. and i will be up in my living room, shivering in the dark like a serial killer. plenty of great actors are up for the big awards, but i have one word of advice to the performers who don't hear their names called and don't receive a nomination, congratulations! because being snubbed is better than winning. >> jimmy: what do you mean, it's better than winning? >> i'll tell you. >> jimmy: okay. >> you don't need a gown. you don't need a speech. and for the rest of time, a
11:47 pm
loyal and militant army of gay men will loudly proclaim that justice be done. in 1954, judy garland lost best actress in "a star is born" to grace kelly in "the country girl," a movie i dare you to sit through. bring this up anywhere in west hollywoodand you will hear screaming in the distance, "judy was robbed!" and then 50 other effeminate voices will join in, calling for grace kelly's execution, even though she's been dead since 1982. you think being gay is about same-sex attraction. not true. it's about not letting [ bleep ] go. [ applause ] andrew garfield in "the social network," snubbed. amy adams in "arrival," snubbed. even "citizen kane" didn't win best picture. and they've all been immortalized because they lost or weren't even nominated. can you remember who won best supporting actress two years ago?
11:48 pm
i bet laura dern herself has forgotten. she's too busy being 6'4" and unbothered. meanwhile, you know who hasn't? the sick, twisted fans of jennifer lopez, who was not even nominated for her role in "hustlers" as a wise pole-dancer with a heart of gold. how the hell did this snub happen? jennifer lopez is a wise pole dancer with a heart of gold! she did a whole super bowl about it! but it's better she got snubbed, because these scorned singer-actresses always come back stronger and harder. in 1985, cher was snubbed for the movie, "mask," but 2 years later she came back to win best actress for "moonstruck," beating meryl streep. you can't stop cher! you step on her and she just grows a headdress three times her size. [ applause ] if you get snubbed at the oscars, you're in the same company as "do the right thing."
11:49 pm
it didn't even get nominated in 1989, the year "driving misshdaisy" won. which is maybe not surprising, considering in 1989, most of the academy looked like miss daisy. voters thought, "i'm also white and like being driven around, i'm voting for that." and finally, glenn close, eight nominations. no wins. i've watched glenn close lose oscars, just as my gay ancestors watched glenn close lose oscars. it's a tradition passed down through time, like folk stories. nothing bonds oscar fans like glenn close's losing streak. you know why glenn close doesn't have an oscar? same reason bjork doesn't have a grammy, we can agree they're geniuses but unfortunately, they scared your dad once. and voters have been nervous ever since. so if tomorrow morning kristen stewart or penelope cruz or jessica chastain doesn't get the nomination she's looking for, fear not. you won't be invited to the dolby, but you'll be a hero to a bunch of grown men who still sound like their mom on the
11:50 pm
phone. [ applause ] >> jimmy: louis virtel, everybody. we have a good show for you tonight. jennifer coolidge is here. we've got music from sylvan esso. and we'll be right back with keegan-michael key. abc's "jimmy kimmel live!" brought to you by target.
11:51 pm
11:52 pm
11:53 pm
the kfc chicken sandwich is only served one way: straight from the fryer, piping hot, and kentucky fried to order. if you don't like it this way, you'll have to go somewhere else. kfc. it's finger lickin' good.
11:54 pm
♪ >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back to the show. tonight from "the white lotus" on hbo max, jennifer coolidge is with us. then later, this is their grammy-nominated album called "free love," music from sylvan esso on the mercedes-benz stage. this week, we've got new shows with channing tatum,
11:55 pm
julie bowen, and arnold schwarzenegger, and music from pj morton. and much more than just that. so please join us. our first guest this evening is one of america's most-hyphenated performers. thursday night here on abc, he hosts the "nfl honors" awards show, please say hello to keegan-michael key. [ cheering ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. how you doing? >> i'm good. i am good, i'm good, i'm good. how you doing? >> jimmy: i'm well. it's good to see you. how long were you in england? >> seven months. >> jimmy: seven months? >> seven months shooting three different projects over there. >> jimmy: so you are hosting this nfl honors show, and you've not been able to see any of the season, right? >> sometimes what you do is you
11:56 pm
just stay up until 2:00 in the morning because that's when the game starts. what's so crazy, jimmy, i'm a football fan and i'm also a soccer fan. so when i'm in the united states, i get up at 4:00 in the morning to watch soccer games. when i'm in the uk, i get up at 2:00 a.m. in the morning to watch football. >> jimmy: you're prepared. >> parenthood, really. you take naps in the middle of the set and just need to take a nap, the lions are playing later. >> jimmy: that's your team. >> that's my team. >> jimmy: did they show the american broadcast of the games? >> they do. they show broadcasts of the games, and it's fantastic because they have -- there is always two british commentators and then two american commentators. and our cultures are very different. the british guys, the british guys will be very staid. that tackle was fantastic. did you think, jay, did you find that to be a fantastic tackle? amen, he blue him up! i mean he blew him up!
11:57 pm
they came to play today. the jaguars are really prepare for today's game they came! they came! they dropped a load on them! >> jimmy: it sounds like it's better than ours. >> it's great. and then there is no -- the commercials when they come every 15 minutes. so what they do, when there is a commercial break here, they just stay there talking about the game. so you just have bunch of englishmen. no, the tackling, are those the same thing? the sack and the tackle. >> jimmy: they ask questions about the game. >> and then the guys that are there have to answer the questions. i mean, the fifth time i had to tell you. a sack is when you get tackled behind the line of scrimmage. so scrimmage, what's the scrimmage? >> jimmy: are there -- do you ever run into nfl fans who are british? is it just americans watching? >> i do. sometimes. i was in london, and i was just out and about one day, and i saw
11:58 pm
a guy with a dallas cowboys hat on. and i just -- most of the day you're just talking to people and you can't talk about american football. they're like i don't understand what you're talking about. >> jimmy: right. >> so you walk up, oh my god -- dallas cowboys! america's team. and oh, no, he it's silver and blue, and i like stars. >> jimmy: sadly, that's how i think a lot of americans -- >> this guy is walking down the street making a fashion statement with it. >> jimmy: you mention the lions. and you went to -- was it this season you were honorary captain of the team? >> yes, yes, yes. i got to be honorary captain. >> jimmy: what does that entail being an honorary captain? >> i'll tell you, jimmy, not much. not much. you just get the honor of being able to walk out with the players and then they all shake hands and you shake hands. i'm not here to do anything. thank you so much. i won't be doing anything. but you guys all look great. and then you're supposed to be
11:59 pm
able to do the coin flip. >> jimmy: yes. >> but there are restrictions now. you don't do the coin flip. >> jimmy: oh my god, really? >> you stand out there. and you advise. you can go heads. >> jimmy: really? >> or you guys could go tails. it's up to you. >> jimmy: and did they take your advice? >> so this is what i hear. every football game, if you ever hear guys mic'd up during an overtime. >> jimmy: i like to listen to that. >> there is always goes amen, tails never fails, doc. tails does fail 50% of the time. it does. >> jimmy: but it rhymes. >> but it rhymes. exactly. because you can't go heads. and i'm a head. >> jimmy: tails often fails. about half of the time. then did your family come to the gym with you? >> they did, yes. my wife elle and i brought my brother-in-law and his wife and his two sons, and it was their first professional football game. >> jimmy: oh, nice.
12:00 am
>> they'd never been before. yes, for football. i say yes for football. >> jimmy: when you say professional, caveat is it's a lions game. [ laughter ] it's a stepping stone towards professional football. >> it is -- >> jimmy: are you sure you were the honorary captain and they weren't like please get in there and play? >> my nephew -- it was really -- it was one of the games we won. we won three games this year, guys. three games and a tie. so we're on our way. we're on our way. >> jimmy: that's rite. they had a tie. >> super bowl 2023. so my nephew who is 5, he's got his binoculars and he is watching the game. i just don't know how to break it to him. this doesn't happen every time, sweetheart. just make sure you realize. this isn't going to happen every single time. >> jimmy: isn't that funny? it's a weird thing.
12:01 am
am i going to curse my children and make them like mets fans, you know? it's a decision you have to make, and it's tough. >> it is. it really is, because it's deep in your heart. you love them so much, and you just allow them to break your heart over and over and over again. >> jimmy: you're going to be a loser for the whole rest of your life, son, thanks to dad and uncle. >> thanks to daddy and uncles. >> jimmy: so you're doing this thing. oh, what about matt stafford? >> yes. >> jimmy: does that give you any pleasure? >> yes. >> jimmy: because he was with the lions. >> over 14 seasons with lions, matt stafford. and we just -- i love matt so much because we're at least now super bowl adjacent. i thought it was very sweet of them to let matt go, to let him go and get this chance, right? >> jimmy: i don't think they did it for that reason. but, yeah. >> i'm a pollyanna. >> jimmy: i know they were
12:02 am
rebuilding is what i heard. >> we got some picks, right guys? we got jared goff and some picks. but i think that matt -- i'm really happy for matt. so i am a detroiter who is a rams fan this week. >> jimmy: kind of like the way the patriots felt about tom brady when he went to tampa bay. they were happy for him. >> they were very happy for him. a patriots fan going tampa bay, where's that? >> jimmy: we're going to take a break. we'll be right back. keough keough is with us. >> lou: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by zaxby's. the people who put the wing in guy on a buffalo wing.
12:03 am
celebrate valentine's day for less with kohl's! get 65% off jewelry... 25% off festive pajamas... and 25% off cozy home finds! plus, get free store pickup! kohl's. get crackin' and feel unbeatable with new omelet bites from dunkin'. bacon & cheddar... ...or egg white & veggie. made with cage-free eggs, and packed with protein. take on the day with new omelet bites from dunkin'. america runs on dunkin'. this is antonelli's cheese shop, and we're the antonellis! we chose our spark cash plus card from capital one because we earn unlimited two percent cash back on every purchase. and with no preset spending limit, our purchasing power adapts to our business needs. what's in your wallet? ♪
12:04 am
princess cruises was born right here in california. for over 55 years, we've been helping californians make the most of their precious vacation time. and right about now, we could all use a real vacation. so forget the road trips and rentals and sail with princess right from san francisco to the glaciers of alaska,
12:05 am
the beautiful tropics of hawaii, the beaches of mexico or along the california coast. sail conveniently from sf from just $79 per day. book now at princess.com.
12:06 am
this winter, comcast business is helping sail conveniently from sf from just $79 per day. team usa and businesses across america stay ahead. keep yours ahead too with reliable connectivity and secure solutions on the network that can deliver gig speeds to the most businesses. and get access to over 20 million wifi hotspots from coast to coast. so no matter what big event comes up, your team can be ready for what's next. get started with fast and reliable internet and voice for just $64.99 a month. or, ask how to get a visa prepaid card with a qualifying bundle.
12:07 am
>> jimmy: we're back with keegan-michael key. who is hosting "nfl honors" airs thursday night at 9:00 p.m. here on abc. i couldn't believe this. january 31st was the tenth anniversary of "key & peele" premiering. >> isn't that crazy? >> jimmy: i don't know why. i feel like i would have never guessed ten. i would have said 15 maybe. no, really, because you guys -- both of you guys have done so many things since then. it seems like it was a much longer time ago. >> now to me it feels like almost the opposite. i feel like it was just like yesterday. >> jimmy: really? >> ten years, how is that possible? but it's really lovely that people, you know, recognize the work and it brings joy to people.
12:08 am
that makes us really happy. >> do people city bring it up to you regularly? >> oh any gosh, can i tell you, for whatever reason, we have the market corner on aviation, on airports for some reason. >> jimmy: really? >> because we did sketches about the tsa, and jordan had a tsa agent in "get out." and we did tsa sketches and lots of airport sketches. a ton of airport sketches. why are all these airport sketches, man? love the airport. there have been times where i've gone through the tsa line at the airport and the tsa guy will go ahead, go ahead. really. take your water, you just go ahead, take your water. i can take the water? you can't take the water. get back in the line. get back in the ou can't take t through. i'm walking through. i can just go. go around, go around. i don't have to go into the detector. >> that's funny. because you got to be careful about who you're making fun of. >> exactly. and then, then you get on the
12:09 am
plane and the flight attendant, all the flight attendants, they bend over and just go sir, the seat belt sign is on. i have my seat belt on. the seat belt sign is on. >> jimmy: it takes you a minute. >> right. you're very funny. you're the first person who's ever said that to me. >> jimmy: the nfl, you guys do a lot of football stuff too. and i think this is -- this is the sign of when you really have broken through. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you guys -- many nfl players started doing your celebration dance. >> oh, yeah, the three pumps. >> jimmy: the three pumps. we have a couple of these guys got fined for this. >> yep. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: von miller. and finally, aaron rodgers kind of. his pump was not so pumpy.
12:10 am
>> he is not the pumpiest pump. not the pumpiest pump. aaron is like half-pumping it. almost in the middle of it maybe i shouldn't have done that. it really was an honor. >> jimmy: that's the only time that's happened to him, by the way. >> we -- it was funny. when von and lance moore had done it, the rule hadn't changed yet. >> jimmy: right. >> so they got fined. and it was really great. when von miller got fined, jordan and i decided that we would donate the amount of the money of his fine to his favorite charity. >> jimmy: oh, that's nice. [ applause ] >> so there was some good. there was some good. >> jimmy: i think that fine money goes to charity also. so that's kind of a double win. >> oh, i didn't know that. >> jimmy: i believe that's how it works. >> gosh, i hope so. >> jimmy: guillermo, will you run a check on that for me?
12:11 am
>> guillermo: sure. >> after the show, guillermo, text me. >> jimmy: will aaron rodgers be at the show? >> he will be at the show. >> jimmy: okay, that's fun. that's good. everybody is going to be there, huh? >> everybody. well, everybody but the bengals and the rams. >> jimmy: right, right. >> and most lions. it's not all lions. >> jimmy: i'm sure it's going to be great keegan-michael key. the honors thursday night here on abc. thank you, keegan. ♪ ♪ happy so happy ♪ ♪ let's hit the open road ♪ ♪ camp without a tent ♪ ♪ talk without a phone ♪ ♪ kick off your boots ♪ ♪ cook something new ♪ ♪ the meeting just started ♪ ♪ careful you're on mute ♪ ♪ catch a snuggle bug ♪ ♪ warm-up your buns ♪ ♪ bring your friend dave ♪ ♪ and the only song he knows ♪ ♪ host a movie night ♪ ♪ get your zen on ♪ ♪ nice to feel at home ♪
12:12 am
♪ everywhere you go ♪ a wild caught filet-o-fish® and a sizzly double cheeseburger. well they are two classics that never go out of style. hold on. wait.
12:13 am
you're assembling a surf+turf mcdonald's hack, which must make you a menu hacker. yes, the surf+turf available only on the mcdonald's app. you get free medium fries and a drink. someone open the app, i need to order and build one immediately. ♪ ba da ba ba ba ♪ new vicks convenience pack. i need to order and build one immediately. dayquil severe for you... and daily vicks super c for me. vicks super c is a daily supplement with vitamin c and b vitamins to help energize and replenish. dayquil severe is a max strength daytime, coughing, power through your day, medicine. new from vicks. ♪ i'm the latest hashtag challenge. and everyone on social media is trying me. i'm trending so hard that “hashtag common sense” can't keep up. this is going to get tens and tens of views. ♪ but if you don't have the right auto insurance coverage, you could be left to pay for this... yourself.
12:14 am
get allstate and be better protected from mayhem for a whole lot less. ♪ get allstate and be better pro(delivery man)yhem that's for you. (mail recipient 2) it's opened. (delivery man) yup, i got another one here that's just the same. (mail recipient 4) why? (delivery man) sms, unencrypted texts, they're just like these. they're open. (mail recipient 5) what are you talking about? (delivery man) like if this was an unencrypted text... i just read it. (mail recipient 6) just like this. (delivery man) every text you send is just as open as your letters! including pictures! your texts are open!
12:15 am
find your rhythm. your happy place. find your breaking point. then break it. every emergen-c gives you a potent blend of nutrients so you can emerge your best with emergen-c.
12:16 am
welcome to the happiest place on earth! where your happy... is everywhere! anywhere! he's the “pew-pew! pew-pew!” kinda happy. they're even happy-er. and you?! you're the ha-pee-ist of them all! because this place... has all the happy you never knew could exist. so you're a new kind of happy, every time you visit. welcome to your happiest place on earth! only at the disneyland resort. make every visit your happiest for as low as $110 per day for a disneyland® resort 3-day, 1-park ticket.
12:17 am
>> lou: it's time to find out who's missing a tooth. >> hi, guy, i'm haley. i was trying to be cool at a party by opening up a beer bottle with my teeth to impress a guy, and then this happened. oops. >> don't worry, haley, it's barely noticeable.
12:18 am
(woman) is there a natural litter that actually works?! (vo) at tidy cats, litterventions come naturally! naturally strong unscented with activated charcoal. or, scented clean lemongrass, with plant extracts. 100% natural, 100% powerful. there's a tidy cats for that! ♪ (jazz drum intro) ♪ (how 'bout this?) (typing) ♪ (jazz music) ♪ (waves crashing) (blinds clatter) (thank you. have a nice day.) ♪ (trumpet solo) ♪ (cheering) ♪ ♪ (typing) (bell dings) ♪ ♪ (typing) ♪ ♪ ♪ (trumpet solo) ♪ ♪ ♪ (typing) (bell dings)
12:19 am
♪ ♪ (cheering) ♪ ♪ (typing) okay. ♪ ♪ (various sounds) ♪ ♪ (typing) ♪ ♪ (typing) ♪ (trumpet solo) ♪ we make sit-down chicken... ...stand-up chicken... backyard chicken... ...oops chicken... ...lots-a-time chicken... ...no-time chicken. if there's one thing we know, it's chicken, chicken and chicken. more choices. more wow. more to love. tyson. ♪uhh, uhh, uhh♪ more choices. ♪you ready b?♪ ♪all i need in this life of sin♪ ♪is me and my girlfriend, me and my girlfriend♪ ♪down to ride 'til the very end♪ ♪it's me and my boyfriend, me and my boyfriend♪ ♪and i don't have to worry,♪ ♪only worry is him♪ ♪she do anything necessary for him♪
12:20 am
♪and i do anything necessary for her♪ ♪so don't let the necessary occur♪ ♪yep!♪ ♪all i need in this life of sin, is me and my girlfriend♪ this is antonelli's cheese shop, and we're the antonellis! we chose our spark cash plus card from capital one because we earn unlimited two percent cash back on every purchase. and with no preset spending limit, our purchasing power adapts to our business needs. what's in your wallet? ♪ celebrate valentine's day for less with kohl's! get 65% off jewelry... what's in your wallet? 25% off festive pajamas... and 25% off cozy home finds! plus, get free store pickup! kohl's.
12:21 am
what? lipstick? lipstick delivered with uber eats? ♪ ♪ it tastes like purple. what's this? [gasps] i love this! oh my god!
12:22 am
♪ >> jimmy: hi there. music from sylvan esso is on the way. you know our next guest from four "american pies," two "legally blondes," and a gaggle of christopher guest movies. she is absolutely great as the moneyed and melancholy tanya mcquoid in "the white lotus" on hbo max.
12:23 am
please welcome jennifer coolidge. [ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you look fantastic. how are you? >> wow, what an audience, wow. [ cheering ] >> jimmy: i don't know if you're aware of this, but ever since we started watching "the white lotus," which we consumed immediately, i was like we've got to get jennifer coolidge on the show. you are so fantastic in that show. >> oh, my gosh, thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: on a level beyond what we even might come to expect from our very, very top actors and actresses. i mean, really i thought it was such a funny and odd performance in all the best possible ways. >> oh, that's so nice of you. >> jimmy: well, i mean it.
12:24 am
i really do. you know, sandra bullock was here a few months ago. >> yes. >> jimmy: and she was talk about working with you at a bar in new york. >> yeah, it was restaurant. it was call kanastel's. >> jimmy: do you remember that time well? >> i remember it so much better than sandra did. >> jimmy: oh you do? >> yes. i think maybe because i was there longer than her, and i just remember those days because, you know -- well, let's just say sandra really had her act together and she was the hostess and everything. but i was, you know, partying a lot in those years. and so it was like sort of 50-50 whether i made the shift or not. but yeah, i couldn't get fired. for some reason, there was this very forgiving maitre d' moreno. all of us wanted to be actresses. we all had these little white coats. and my coat was always kind of
12:25 am
stained. so one day moreno said you have to come to work with a white coat, jennifer. you can't have a stained coat. and so i said okay. so i just started -- the laundromat was like a mile from my apartment and everything. so i just started buying white jackets every shift. >> jimmy: what? >> and i had -- i had close to a thousand jackets. >> jimmy: no way. >> yes. but i did make it to a lot of shifts, you see. but it went for years. it went for years. >> jimmy: most hospitals don't have that many white jackets. >> i know. i actually had friends come over. what could i do with these jackets? do you think there is anyone that would like these jackets? everyone was no, used? no. and i tried to get -- i tried to get fourth of july off becaus that was a big night at the restaurant. and i ended up -- it was one of those nights you really couldn't, you know, pull a
12:26 am
no-show. so i went to roosevelt hospital and found an ambulance driver, and he strapped a patch and a white thing around my head. and i called the restaurant, and i got moreno. he answered, moreno, it's jennifer coolidge, and you're not going to believe this, but i was at a party last night and someone put a cigarette out in my eye. >> jimmy: what? >> and moreno said well, jennifer, that's too bad. you'll have to come to work any way. so i'll see you soon. but i had the whole contraption on. and i did. i went and showed ed up. i knew once he saw me with the whole thing. and once he saw me, yeah, he said you can't work here tonight. >> jimmy: really? >> and i went out and, yeah. >> jimmy: how long did you keep the bandage on? because a cigarette burn is serious. >> i know. that's thing.
12:27 am
there were other waitresses that lived in hell's kitchen. so i had to keep that on way too long. and then what happens is, you know, if you ever have an eye patch, one eye works harder than the other. so then it sort of messed up my vision for a short while. >> jimmy: another good reason to call in. >> right, right. >> jimmy: now i'm understanding, because mike white, who is really a brilliant writer. >> yeah, he is. >> jimmy: came up with this show. and really took advantage of the situation, the covid situation you guys were in. and this hotel didn't have any customers really at the time. >> right. >> jimmy: and he wrote this part specifically for you. and i was, you know, i was thinking why did he write this? but i feel like i understand it a little bit more after hearing that story. did you guys know each other very well? >> well, we did. we played girlfriend and boyfriend in a movie, jared hess, napoleon dynamite. >> jimmy: oh, right. >> we were boyfriend and
12:28 am
girlfriend in "gentlemen broncos." so i knew him from that. and we had been friends over the years. i feel like africa, going to africa, his boyfriend couldn't make the trip. and so it was a very romantic trip. >> jimmy: oh, you went to africa with him? >> yes, went to africa with mike. and so it was very intimate. you know, the tents are beautiful, but you're right next to each other in them. so he got to see a very unedited version of me. >> jimmy: on vacation. >> thank god. it was "the white lotus," he was looking for a crazy lady or something. i would have gone differently and someone else would have gotten this part. but i think he was sort of amused by how strange i was on the trip. i think, i think. >> jimmy: there is a scene where you guys were on a boat, right. >> right. >> jimmy: and you know the one. where you have your mom's ashes. >> yes. >> jimmy: and you give this great crazy speech.
12:29 am
>> yeah. >> jimmy: was that at all improvised or was that written as you saw it? >> there was a little imprttle improvisation just because to overcome the embarrassment of being surrounded by castmates. you couldn't tell, but everyone was 6 inches away. mike said we were going to get a big boat. it was this little boat. we were all really, really close to each other. i have terrible seasick. i warned everybody. i get very seasick. this isn't going to be good. mike said it will be fine. we're going to put this little thing around your wrist. >> jimmy: those don't work. >> i had a big bucket. i was so close to everyone getting sick in this bucket. i got sick on the little boat on the way to the bigger boat. i get sick on a swing. >> jimmy: that eulogy monologue was easily one of the best performances by an actor who is vomiting, ever.
12:30 am
>> but, you know, i think, you know, and i do want to say there was an advantage. my mother died earlier than she was supposed to. >> jimmy: that's lucky for you. yeah. >> there were parallels of the character that sort of. >> jimmy: that's looking at the bright side, isn't it, jennifer? >> you know what i mean. there was a lot of things that, you know, mike sort of collaborated my weirdness with. so it -- i get too hot and overheated, and that really worked for being in hawaii. so it all worked to my advantage. even my way of breathing sort of worked for the character. >> jimmy: it couldn't have possibly been better. he was absolutely right picking you for that role. it was perfect. and i know you're doing a super bowl commercial for uber eats, rights? >> yes. >> jimmy: do they know you were a involveme vomiter before they sign you'd on this? >> it's so funny you say that because i don't know how i got that. did they watch "the white lotus"
12:31 am
and go she's our girl. >> jimmy: we're going to show actually some outtakes from your commercial in a moment here, and "the white lotus" is on hbo max. jennifer coolidge, everybody. thank you, jennifer we'll be right back with music from sylvan esso. ♪ >> can i eats this? >> there is a yummy in my tummy. >> cut! >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
12:32 am
the kfc chicken sandwich is only served one way: straight from the fryer, piping hot, and kentucky fried to order. if you don't like it this way, you'll have to go somewhere else. kfc. it's finger lickin' good.
12:33 am
>> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to keegan-michael key and jennifer coolidge. apologies to matt damon. tomorrow night, channing tatum and david oyelowo. "nightline" is next, but first, their grammy-nominated album is called "free love,"here with the song, "ferris wheel," sylvan esso! [ applause ]
12:34 am
♪ august in the heat sweaty in the street tilt-a-whirling whirling whirling ♪ ♪ i can feel your eyes find me in the crowd think you like me now i've been seeing you everyday ♪ ♪ on my block in your white tee you're looking pretty fine to me ♪ ♪ so why are you waiting when i'm slamming in my dancing shoes asphalts hot and ♪ ♪ my knees all bruised it's the summer gotta lot to prove can't wait to ♪ ♪ do it can you no oh i'm swaying from side to side ♪ ♪ in the neon lights sainted halo underworld goth vibes you'll do fine ♪ ♪ for tonight take me take me me ferris wheeling babe it's the air i crave ♪ ♪ when we're up so high
12:35 am
salty wind at night make out mountain time ♪ i've been seeing you every day on my block in your white tee ♪ ♪ you're looking pretty fine to me so why are you waiting ♪ when i'm slamming in my dancing shoes ♪ ♪ asphalts hot and my knees all bruised it's the summer gotta lot to prove ♪ ♪ can't wait to do it can you no oh i'm swaying from ♪ ♪ side to side in the neon lights sainted halo underworld goth vibes ♪ ♪ you'll do fine for tonight ♪ ♪ you'll do fine for tonight i've been seeing ♪ on my block in your white tee
12:36 am
you're looking pretty fine to me ♪ ♪ so why you waiting, i've been seeing you every day ♪ ♪ on my block in your white tee you're looking pretty fine to me ♪ ♪ so why are you waiting when i'm slamming in my dancing shoes asphalt's hot and my knees all bruised ♪ ♪ it's the summer gotta lot to prove can't wait to ♪ ♪ do it can you no oh i'm swaying from side to side ♪ ♪ in the neon lights sainted halo underworld goth vibes you'll do fine for tonight ♪ ♪ you'll do fine for tonight you'll do fine for tonight ♪
12:37 am
[ cheering and applause ] this is "nightline." >> tonight, botched raid. another black man killed by minneapolis police. >> i want the police officer that murdered my son to be prosecuted and fired. >> a community demanding justice for amir locke. >> there is nothing the minneapolis police can say that will justify their actions on that day. >> why some say it's time to ban a controversial police practice. plus joe rogan under fire again. >> the most regretful and shameful thing that i've ever had to talk about

162 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on