have a good night. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- nick kroll, caitriona balfe, and music from turnstile. and now -- jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi. well, that's very nice. thanks. truly, i appreciate it. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. thank you for joining us here in sunny, hot southern california where there is a bit more ash in the air than usual. because it's ash wednesday. [ laughter ] otherwise known as "whose priest has the biggest thumb?" day. [ laughter ] today is the first day of lent. catholics are giving up meat,

dairy, candy, wine. basically, it's 40 days of living like a wellness influencer on instagram. [ laughter ] guillermo, are you giving anything up for lent? >> guillermo: exercise. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: 40 days, i hope you can make it. >> guillermo: i will! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: at the white house today, a reporter asked president biden, who is for lent and got quite the up - double scoop. >> what are you giving up for lent? >> what will you give up for lent? >> mr. president, how worried are you -- >> all sweets. >> all sweets? >> and you know me, i start off with dessert. >> no ice cream? >> no ice cream, nothing. >> jimmy: biden's priest went nuts, smeared it all over his forehead. [ laughter ] if joe goes a month without his rum butter brickle, putin is in trouble. [ laughter ] joe is on a non-sugar high after his state of the union address last night. more than 33 million americans watched grampotus speak for more than an hour. he announced he will release

60 million barrels of oil from our national reserve, which is good news for ted cruz's hair. [ laughter ] it was interesting what he did not speak about last night. biden did not talk about trump, north korea, or bruno. [ laughter ] he also didn't bring up the insurrection. this is the first state of the union since they stormed that room in the capitol, like where the president is entering right there? that is the door the mob tried to break down. the one they had to barricade with furniture. up here is where the congresspeople had to hide under seats because fat guys with zip ties were outside threatening to kidnap them. and here's the spot where republican andrew clyde hid behind an armed guard while the maniacs he later described as "tourists" were trying to break in and bear spray his colleagues. at one point, biden, who turns 80 this year, had some trouble saying the word "ukrainian." watch him and his nervous vice president silently

correcting him under her breath. >> putin may circle kyiv with tanks, but he'll never gain the hearts and souls of the iranian people. [ laughter ] he'll never extinguish their love of freedom. >> jimmy: the you'uranians? from the planet? they're visiting us and he blew it. they really need to figure out how to stage this. it's weird having two people sitting behind the president for the whole speech. nancy pelosi especially might want to grab a spot in the audience next year. because she inexplicably decided to jump to her feet and celebrate while the president was on the subject of veterans getting cancer from toxic burn pits. >> our troops in iraq and afghanistan have faced many dangers. one being stationed at bases, breathing in toxic smoke from burn pits. [ cheers and applause ] many of you have been there. i've been in and out of iraq and afghanistan over 40 times.

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: what is this? this is not burn pits. this is like you just got your name called on "the price of right" is what it is. [ laughter ] that isn't even the most awkward moment of the night. that award goes to congressdemons lauren boebert and marjorie taylor greene, who took a break from yelling at the busboys at applebees to yell at the president. they heckled him just as he was talking about his deceased son, beau. here they are. looking like they're five hard seltzers deep in a "thunder down under" show in vegas. [ laughter ] it was embarrassing. even some of their fellow republicans were embarrassed. but as irritating as their behavior was, we do have freedom of speech in this country. which means i can remind you that lauren boebert is married to a guy who went to jail for showing his penis to a teenager at a bowling alley. [ laughter ] and marjorie taylor greene spent last weekend speaking at a conference organized by a pro-putin white nationalist. klan mom, this woman has so many issues when it comes to people

wearing masks. when it comes to people wearing hoods? none at all. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] two of the moments that got some attention last night were ad libbed, were not in the script. when he said putin "has no idea what's coming," that was an off the cuff. and so was his final line of the night. >> god bless you all, may god protect our troops. thank you. go get him! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: go get -- who are we supposed to go get? [ laughter ] putin? pokemon? what? we don't know. the state of the union wasn't the only major political event pin washington yesterday. remember that big truck convoy that was headed to d.c. to protest the covid mandates? well, they finally made it to the national mall, and what a turnout it wasn't. [ laughter ] they were expecting 3,000 protesters. this is the scene ten minutes before the event was supposed to begin. ♪

♪ you don't have to be afraid ♪ ♪ no matter what ♪ >> jimmy: yeah. there were quite a few more reporters than protesters. [ laughter ] but in fairness, that was ten minutes before it started. this was the turnout for the actual event. >> didn't matter if one person showed up, a million people showed up. i appreciate those of you that did show up. because i did make a call, i did whatever i can, i did whatever i had the power and my ability to do. i lost people in all this, it's not about that. i say lost, it's worth it all. i'm going to take my business, take my money, take everythig, i'm going to make sure me and my family are living free, even if we live in a bus, straight up. >> jimmy: yeah, straight up. straight up sad, b ochro, is wh you are. [ laughter ] some of these truckers are frustrated because the war in ukraine stole their thunder. like when farrah fawcett died the same day michael jackson died. well, that did happen. [ laughter ]

this is news to you? it was quite a while ago. [ laughter ] he's gone. yeah. [ laughter ] [ applause ] well, okay. but another part of the problem nothing to protest, they ended most of the mask mandates in washington, d.c. yesterday. this is like trying to free britney after she was already free. [ laughter ] and posting pictures of her broken foot on instagram. there are so many dummies out there. did you see the clip from "wheel of fortune" last night? well, if you haven't, ensolve. >> another feather in your hat. [ buzzer ] >> g. >> no g. >> i'll solve. another feather in your lap. >> no. >> d. >> no. >> i will solve. >> okay.

>> another feather in your map. [ laughter ] [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: poor yankee doodle was rolling over in his grave. [ laughter ] feather in your map? she had to be kidding, right? i mean, eventually they did get there. >> so what letter would you lke? >> c. >> is there a c up there anywhere? there you go. do you want to solve this? >> i'll solve. another feather in your cap. >> yeah, there you go. >> jimmy: very well done. that's the real estate of the union right there. [ laughter ] what happens if they don't solve a puzzle? just go on, forget about it? guillermo, it reminds me of when you were on "wheel of fortune." do you remember that? >> i'd like to solve that. pass me the hand sanitiper!

[ buzzer ] pass me the hand sanitiger! [ buzzer ] this game is too hard, way too hard. >> jimmy: it's a very hard game. [ applause ] guillermo, we may need you to do something about this. so you know how all these countries are sanctioning russia right now? guess which country isn't? >> guillermo: mexico. [ laughter ] oh, yeah? >> jimmy: it would have been weird if i asked you about a different country. >> guillermo: yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the president of members toe said they want to have good relations with all the governments of the world. so they are not going to sanction russia. maybe not going to have good relations with ukraine, i don't know. a number of major companies have announced they are severing ties with the russians too. u.p.s., fed ex, volvo, ford, gm, exxon, the trump organization -- oh no. [ laughter ] they're not severing ties, they're making ties in russia. [ applause ]

some states are banning russian vodka. to the point where some liquor brands are going out of their way to assure customers that they are not made in russia. smirnoff, for example, was founded in moscow, but they want americans to know it's made here in illinois. ketel one, no vodka company has gone more out of it's way to distance itself from russia than ketel one. >> we've always taken pride in our product. now something newton proud of. not only not russian, we're the opposite of russian. we're dutch. that's us! guess who's never going to start any [ bleep ] with the world at all? the dutch! we're the tulip people. windmills. blue pottery. splitting a check. this little rascal. jumping rope like all get-out. and dutch as [ bleep ]. the only putin around here is putin on clods and dancing into town square like a bunch of frigging nuts. so van gogh says, go [ bleep ]

yourself, russia. ketel one, make love, not war. [ applause ] >> jimmy: even apple is no longer selling products in russia, which is a tough one. now they're going to have to be tose people with green text bubbles. nothing sadder than that. if you lost your iphone charger in russia, you are screwed. apple's not selling you a new one. i mentioned last night, warner brothers announced that they will not release the new batman movie in russia. and so the kremlin today unveiled a teaser trailer for what is their own new movie starring the caped crusader. >> is in darkest days. is people needing now a hero? ♪ from movie peoples who brought you "man with spiders" -- >> hello, ali? >> is movie "memory bat."

with super villains. >> and action with automobile. >> ha ha ha! >> so don't be watching fake war on internet. be watching rig cinema movie of batmans. because batmans is watching you. yes. the dark nyet rises. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: guess it looks kind of good. we get the new batman this weekend and here now to give us a preview of the real, bona fide, made in america film, our man yehya talking about the movie "the batman." >> action! hi, it's me, yehya. i talk about the new movie

today, the new movie behind me, you know "batman." you know the batman is the guy, you don't see his face, he cover. >> who are you under there? >> in that one, the batman is the one, rupert patnis. his eyes open like that, he cannot open more. i don't know, maybe he sleep a lot. >> any of this mean anything to you? >> the guy with him in "the batman," jeffrey wallace. he is in tv show "robot have sex" and tell everyone. >> you're really not as smart as i thought you are. >> and the bat guy is like a question man. his name, i don't know. colin farrell, i think he's the one, the pigeon, also the assistant for the batman, she's the catwoman. she stay in the building, she

say, meow, meow! ze u-conn vance, she's the doctor for the guy kenny. the actor, you do batman, the first one, batman, michael keaton. after mark -- kev -- something. then australian guy, kristin bill. ben afflick and georgia clooney, you can see his nipple, you know. you can see my nipple sometime, you can, you know, i'm fat. go watch the movie, is good movie, you do pow! ahh! eee! booo! ooh! okay? i don't see it! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll see it, actually. we have a good show for you tonight. from "outlander" and best picture nominee "belfast," caitriona balfe is here. [ cheers and applause ] we've got music from turnstile, and we'll be right back with nick kroll.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back to the show. tonight, from both "outlander" and the oscar-nominated movie "belfast," caitriona balfe is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later, from baltimore, their album is called "glow on." music from turnstile on the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night on the show, jamie dornan and louisa jacobson, with music from shensea. join us for all that. our first guest is the brains and sometimes voice behind maury the hormone monster, tito the anxiety mosquito, and menopause

banshee on his big hit animated series "big mouth." now his creatures take over the workspace in a new one called "human resources." it premieres march 18th on netflix. please welcome nick kroll. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ "human resources" premieres >> jimmy: how handsome, you're presentable. >> thank you. >> jimmy: thank you for graciously filling in for me over the summer and being host of the show. [ cheers and applause ] you did a really great job. >> thank you. >> jimmy: who were your guests that night? >> seth rogen. >> jimmy: seth rogen, exactly. >> that's the guest i remember. seth was a guest. it was like hosting your show, you're guest hosting. it's your show.

so i did not have a lot of power on the day. >> jimmy: oh, you didn't want seth? >> no, no -- he was like my fourth choice for the day. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. [ laughter ] >> but jonah was unavailable. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> so -- that enough for you guys? so -- no, i was -- very excited to do it. when you're guest hosting, it's really not your show like it is your show. seth was like, i want to tell a story that i will never be able to tell if someone -- if he was on with you hosting. >> jimmy: oh. >> it was a story about how his friend accused him of touching his dog's [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. why wouldn't he be able to tell me that story? >> i don't know. so he told it on the show. and i got to say, i felt a little like the dog. [ laughter ] it really wasn't up to me, you know what i mean? we'll cut that part. [ laughter ] you'll decide what works.

but it's very -- i got to say, it's much harder hosting. it's really hard to do what you do every day. >> jimmy: yeah well. i mean, yeah, if you're only doing it once. but eventually you're like half sleep during the whole show. [ laughter ] >> you do it beautifully. >> jimmy: who are you, again? [ laughter ] by the way, speaking of being half asleep, how old is your son now? >> i have a 1-year-old son. >> jimmy: 1-year-old. >> thank you. [ applause ] >> jimmy: he is very cute, you've sent me pictures of him. >> yeah, he's adorable. >> jimmy: did you have a birthday party he won't remember? >> yeah, we threw him an intimate little get-together. >> jimmy: that's what he wanted? he didn't want the big -- >> he wanted something small, he's very understated. he's not showy. so we -- yeah, we had a little party for him. and it was fun. it was my wife's parents were there, my parents were there, very sweet. >> jimmy: did he attack the cake like 1-year-olds will do? >> it is amazing where you see a

child eat cake or sugar the first time and they go like -- whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you hadn't given him any sugar? >> no, we hadn't given him any sugar. we gave him a vegan cupcake, holding off on the sugar stuff. so he ate and it he's just like, yeah, it's all right. i'm going to be honest, not my thing. >> jimmy: yeah, right yeah. you didn't give him any real -- i mean, thinking cupcakes -- >> we gave him a bump of coke after. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, you did? and? >> whoa whoa whoa! >> jimmy: you brought a photo. oh my god. >> i brought a photo of him. >> jimmy: he is absolutely adorable. >> look at him, isn't he cute? [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: looks a lot like you. >> he does, people say he looks a lot like me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no offense to his mom. >> no, no, no. >> jimmy: there's a resemblance. >> what's in evidence here is you got that -- that's a gift from you and molly.

that's a rhino -- >> jimmy: not a rhino. >> it's a hippo. [ laughter ] yeah there's no horn in the middle of it. but this is -- this is a little hippo towel that you got for me. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and it's so sweet that you guys got me a gift for my son's birth. >> jimmy: oh, that's it? oh, yeah. >> you also got -- you also sent your book. >> jimmy: right, i sent a children's book. >> "a serious goose." >> jimmy: which you can read to him at some point. >> it's to read to him? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> i thought it was for me. >> jimmy: i think you too. >> my wife reads it to me every night. >> jimmy: glad to be part of your routine. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: i want to ask you about something. i asked -- i was able to ask ike barrel a little about this, as he was leaving, i missed doing it on the show. you guys are working with mel brooks right now. >> yes. >> jimmy: you're writing "a

history of the world part 2." >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: which this time is going to be a series, a television series? >> it is a television series, we're doing it for hulu. it is -- mel brooks for me is my -- >> jimmy: he's the greatest. >> he's truly the greatest. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and still. >> truly. nobody, i mean this genuinely, nobody is more important to me doing comedy than mel brooks. "the producers." "young frankenstein." "history of the world part 1." "high anxiety." "spaceballs." these are the most formative movies, "young frankenstein," the most formative for my comedy career. "the history of the world part 1" came out in 1981. i've been waiting 40 years for the sequel. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: maybe the longest period of time between the original and the sequel of all. >> yeah. and the idea that -- >> jimmy: did tell him all this? >> i have told him this repeatedly. >> jimmy: does he hear it too much, you think? >> i think he's happy to hear

it. >> he's okay? >> yeah, me and ike barinholtz and wanda sykes, an insane cast. >> jimmy: what's it like writing it with him? >> i mean, it's to write with your hero is like -- it's unparalleled. you worked with norman lear on the abc specials. >> jimmy: yeah. >> to work with these men who formed your sense tisense tensi a dream come true. he's still funny. he's 95. he's still pitching jokes. he's still so funny. and then at the end of -- like we'll be on a zoom. like the first couple of times we met him on zoom, "okay, nick, i love you." i'm like, crying. he came on and talked to awful our writers. "all right, i love you guys." i'm like, oh, okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: spreading the love. when you're 95, you tell people you love them at the end of each conversati conversation, just to be safe. >> it is, it's like -- it's truly like the highlight of my

career. >> jimmy: i cannot imagine how much fun that must be. >> it's great. >> jimmy: i can't tell you how jealous i am that i was not invited to be part of that. i'll tell you in the commercial. when we come back, we're going to talk about nick's very, very funny new show on netflix called "human resources." nick kroll is with us. we'll be right back. >> lou: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by guinness. happy st. patrick's day. ♪ what could be better ♪ ♪ taking a nap ♪ ♪ drive a friend home ♪ ♪ stop for a snack ♪ ♪ things you can't do ♪ ♪ using an app ♪ ♪ don't send emojis ♪ ♪ go hug your mom ♪ ♪ drive to the airport ♪ ♪ show him some love ♪ ♪ now grab a taco ♪ ♪ because it's late ♪ ♪ and tomorrow is ♪ ♪ a brand new day ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ find the silver lining in flight delays.

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it's your birthday, it's time for jubilation!

>> i'm 40 years old, what do i have to show for it? >> two shows on netflix. >> so what? everyone's got a show on netflix. i don't have kids. i don't have a steady partner. no offense. >> none taken. i do not want a steady partner. >> yeah, yeah, that's stupid. >> hey, would a birthday [ bleep ] make you feel better? >> it wouldn't make me feel worse. >> oh, that [ bleep ] is going to have to wait. >> i guess i'll just suck my own [ bleep ] like the loser i clearly am. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "human resources." >> ripped straight from the headlines of my life, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'd like you to meet someone from make-a-wish who's here with us tonight. [ laughter ] >> hi, how are you? [ applause ] >> jimmy: sorry about that. [ laughter ] >> hi. >> jimmy: yeah. she's older than she looks.

>> okay, okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how many characters do you voice now? >> i think i voice now between the two shows around 40 voices. >> jimmy: 40 voices. how do you keep them straight? do you have a tape you'll listen to before you do it? >> the weirdest thing is when i'm having various of them talking at once. like mori will be like, rick what are we doing this afternoon? and rick speaks. mori, what if i need to say something else? then nick will come through and speak. mori's like, yeah, that sounds like a good deal. what do you need from me, jimmy? i'm not like a circus puppet. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's fun to listen to. do you do this for the baby? >> yes. the baby is so unimpressed. >> jimmy: by your characters? >> yeah, i can tell already. do your kids -- >> jimmy: you need to introduce him to other dads.

and he will see that you are, you know, so much better. he thinks you're going through these books, you're doing this stuff, all these voices. yeah, this must be what all dads do. then boy is he in for a surprise. >> yeah. >> jimmy: first sleepover, oh, your stock's going to go through the roof. find a boring father. >> yes. >> jimmy: and there's plenty of them out there. >> yeah. jimmy work, you like to come over? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'll bring my rhino hood and we'll hang out. you have, in addition to doing so many of the voices yourself, who's on the show? celebrities on the show? >> oh, man. >> jimmy: maya rudolph is in the clip. >> maya rudolph is part of this show as well. keke palmer, aidy bryant, randall park, rosie perez. that's -- and this is, like, regulars. >> jimmy: henry winkler? >> henry winkler, we made him a sweater. if you know henry winkler, he's always wearing -- he is the embodiment of a cashmere

sweater. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> soft and warm and lovely. >> jimmy: yes. >> then we have, like, great -- we have helen mirren. >> jimmy: what? >> we have hugh jackman on the show. >> jimmy: hugh is on -- yes, on your other show as well. playing, you could say, i think now -- >> he's a penis. >> jimmy: he plays a penis, yeah. >> hugh jackman plays a penis who resembles hugh jackman. [ laughter ] he just had one line in that, our quick little bit. when we asked him to do he was like, great. we had him record it over his phone. he send us the line but he send it to us as wolverine. [ laughter ] we don't want wolverine, we want hugh jackman, we want australian hugh jackman. he rerecorded it for us. then he had fun doing it and we had him come back to be an addiction angel. in human resources. and he's like an addiction angel. so he's talking in a way that we

don't normally hear hugh jackman talking. like we're working him, he's tawn talking about, like -- he's like, "i need wet wipes because i had a big night last night." you know? [ laughter ] he's talking. sitting with max silvestri, who wrote one of the episodes, i can't believe hugh jackman is talking about wet wipes. hey, hugh in the next one, can you say that you have wet wipes because of all the coke [ bleep ]? he's like, yeah, i can do that. [ laughter ] and then he does it. and it's amazing. then he start -- he's still hugh jackman. we have him doing emotional stuff, like writing these really romantic wedding vows. are just in our -- you're over - zoom -- we're all getting hot and bothered. you've got hugh jackman. it's just -- it's one of the most surreal things we've ever done. >> jimmy: it sounds very, very strange. and also, congratulations to hugh jackman for agreeing to be a penis. i mean, really.

he doesn't need to do that, he's hugh jackman. >> that's what i have to say. he's game. he's so game for everything. >> jimmy: if your name is hugh jackman, you want to steer clear from penis things in general. [ laughter ] because you're so close to being a porn star just with that name. >> i know. i know. and yet he went straight for it. and that's what makes him a star. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: one of the greatest imports for this country. nick kroll. the show is called "human resources." it premieres march 18th on netflix. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with catriona balfe! ♪escape... escape...♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ the all-new tundra.

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>> lou: it's time for the "jimmy kimmel live" half magic trick of the night. >> my name is matt, a magician in brooklyn, new york. i'm here to show you a magic trick. not just any magic trick, one that's special to me. imagine 8-year-old me watching a david copperfield special. he borrowed a 100-dollar bill from the audience. think about it. this guy makes the statue of liberty disappear but he had an entire audience looking at the center of a bill when he did this. >> lou: that was the "jimmy kimmel live" half magic trick of the night. kinder bueno. kinder bueno. ding-ding. it's crispy. it's creamy. woooow... ahh! enjoy the ride. ♪

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: we have music from turnstile on the way. our next guest has received numerous award nominations and accolades for her work in the movie "belfast," which is currently a contender for best picture at the oscars. she also plays "claire" on the big naked cable show "outlander." season six premieres sunday on starz. please welcome caitriona balfe.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: it's very good to see you, and congratulations on all the acclaim for "belfast." >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: a beautiful film, well-deserved nominations, et cetera. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: i know you were at the s.a.g. awards this weekend. >> we were, which is pretty cool. >> jimmy: you like that? enjoy going to events like that? >> yeah, i mean -- it's nice to get out of the house, right? [ laughter ] it was cool. it was really call. you know, everybody's there. it's a whole thing. but i think the coolest thing was watching jude see everybody. >> jimmy: jude's the kid? >> jude's the star of "belfast." >> jimmy: how old is jude? >> 10 now, i think. yeah. and his mind was blown. >> jimmy:

who was he excited to see? >> well, one of the first things he saw is superman. no, spider-man. >> jimmy: tom holland? >> no, he met tom holland before. >> jimmy: andrew garfield?p>> a. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's got numerous spider-men. >> numerous spider-men. he saw michael keaton, a batman. >> jimmy: yes? >> he was just like -- will smith gave him props. just the whole thing. >> jimmy: that's fun. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you got to enjoy it kind of through his eyes. >> yeah. i was, you know -- it's like, you're kind of at somebody else's prom. watching with him you can go, that's okay. >> jimmy: who was the first famous person you were excited to meet? >> oh, gott god. well, i saw -- when i was about 19, i went back to dublin to do this show. i met bono for the first time. which i think is a rite of passage for any ishry person. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: if they're lucky, sure, yeah. >> i happened to be in an elevator with my mom, which is not the coolest thing. when my mom saw him she was like, "well, hello action bono."

[ laughter ] [ applause ] it was just like -- kind of moment you're like, this is great but i'm dying inside. [ laughter ] you know. >> jimmy: as you know, your movie "belfast" has given a resurgence to the song "everlasting love." which is such a great song. one of the songs you hear, oh, why haven't i listened to this more times before? you posted something online on one of your social media accounts. tell us what we're going to see here. >> this is a big shout-out to the students or the pupils of st. dipness primary school. >> jimmy: st. dimpness? >> dimpness. i get this tweet, all the students singing, they wanted to wish me luck. it's so cute, the sweetest thing i've ever seen. >> jimmy: we'll be the judge of that. ♪ open up your eyes then you realize here is standing my everlasting love ♪

♪ need you by my side girl to be my bride everlasting love ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, that's very cute, all right, i agree. that was very cute. >> isn't that adorable? >> jimmy: did you wear a uniform when you went to that school? >> they introduced a uniform my last year of that school. and nobody ever had the full thing on. it would be like a jumper here, somebody with trousers. but no. >> jimmy: i've not seen kids wearing sweat pant uniforms before. usually it's a little more formal than that. >> well, it's a small school. >> jimmy: maybe covid has loosened us up. how small is the school? >> when i was there, there was nine in my year. >> jimmy: nine people in your class? all the way from kindergarten all the way through? >> yeah. >> jimmy: is that good? >> no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: like, you can't get away with anything, right? >> no. >> jimmy: nine kids in the class. >> i mean, yeah. we used to get in a lot of trouble. >> jimmy: you did? what kind of trouble would you get in? >> well, it's -- our headmaster had a thing, like whenever you

get in trouble, he'd kick you out of the class. which is kind of like a -- not really a punishment. [ laughter ] you know what i mean? you're like, are you going to kick me out of class? okay! >> jimmy: he'd just send you wherever? >> "get out of class!" >> jimmy: where would you go? >> two places. so crazy. one of them was the office. there was nobody in the office. we used to mess around in the photocopier, take photos of our hands and faces and stuff. one of the girls in my class, her brothers owned the pub in the village. [ laughter ] this is when we were 9 or 10. we used to sneak through the hedge where that sign was where they said "good luck." we used to go through that field, down the lane, into the pub, play darts, drink 10p blackberry cordials and eat crisps. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that was your punishment? >> they didn't know we were doing that. were you a good student? >> jimmy: yeah, i was. [ laughter ] i was, i was beloved by my teachers as well.

[ laughter ] >> all of them? >> jimmy: yeah, pretty much. i know you think i'm joking but i'm not, right, cleto? i was a good student. cleto never missed a day of school. >> cleto: that's right. >> jimmy: never missed a day. i did get thrown out of class once. i didn't know what to do, i just sat in the hall. >> you obviously didn't know where the photocopier was, or the pub. >> jimmy: i wouldn't have been putting my hands on it if i did. [ applause ] is st. patrick's day -- my parents went to ireland, and they said, yeah, st. patrick's day is not that big a deal there. was that the case in your town? >> no, i mean -- we would have parades and stuff. >> jimmy: you would? >> yeah. we definitely did some of it. >> jimmy: my parents have lied to me again. [ laughter ] >> it's funny, when i moved here -- first of all, everyone used to call it, or people sometimes call it "st. patty's day" which it's not. [ laughter ] it's "d" with two ds.

>> jimmy: it's ds? >> paddy's, not patty's. >> jimmy: why? it's patrick, not padraig. [ laughter ] by the way, with the way you spell "katrina," you shouldn't be telling anybody. [ applause ] it's like a jumble, you look at it. >> we just love extra vowels in ireland. >> jimmy: you like paddy? paddy's with ds? >> st. paddy's day. >> jimmy: i guess you'd know better than we do. >> the other thing is nobody eats corned beef and cabbage, not together, it's not a dish. i don't know. maybe in 1890s or whenever people came over first. >> jimmy: nobody eats corned beef and cabbage in ireland? >> no, no. >> jimmy: do they eat them separately? >> the cabbage, not so much the corned beef. >> jimmy: not the corned beef? >> not since maybe the '40s or '50s, i don't know. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: corned beef is one of my favorite things in the world. >> i don't even know what that is. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we've got to remedy that. because a good corned beef sandwich, are you kidding me?

>> like, is it -- >> jimmy: have you ever had pastrami? you know what pastrami is? >> yeah. >> jimmy: pastrami is like the smoked version of corned beef. it's like the same thing. and it's delicious. >> horrible! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, we are not getting along at all. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> sorry. >> jimmy: by the way, the "outlander" fans are pretty crazy, right? [ cheers and applause ] >> crazy good. >> jimmy: crazy good. i know they did a thing, it was on your birthday, they were going to plant trees in your honor. what did they call it? >> so -- well, it was "project catriona." i think it ended up as the ball forest. >> jimmy: how many trees did they plant? >> i think like 120,000 or something. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: 120,000 trees in their honor. and now i am going to encourage your fans, do your fans have like a group name?

>> well, i think in the beginning it was the "catriots." i think it might have morphed. >> jimmy: i encourage the catriots to send corned beef to catrio catriona, by the truckload. you are in for quite a treat. the show "outlander" comes back sunday on starz. catriona balfe, everybody! be back with turn file. >> lou: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.

>> lou: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to nick kroll and catriona balfe. apologies to matt damon. tomorrow night, jamie dornan and louisa jacobson with music from shenseea. "nightline" is next, but first, their album is called "glow on." with the song "mystery," turnstile! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ there's a gun to my head are you gonna get it right ♪ ♪ and i believe in holding on to life but i'm afraid too ♪ ♪ and it's been so long is all the mystery gone ♪ ♪ and it's been so long all the mystery all the mystery ♪ ♪ there's a clock in my head is it wrong, is it right ♪ ♪ i know you're scared of running out of time but i'm afraid too ♪ ♪ and it's been so long

is all the mystery gone and it's been so long all the mystery ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ and it's been so long is all the mystery gone and it's been so long all the mystery ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, after a week of hell, ukraine still unbowed. forging traps and weaving camo. >> we are creating nests to hide our military forces from snipers. >> the new fear, social media showing protesters fighting for control of europe's largest nuclear reactor. >> it's incredible to see the fortitude of the ukrainian people, to be able to put their bodies without weapons to try and prevent them to move forward to take over their country. swiped. the allege tinder swindler. >> i hate him. it's so horrible. >> handsome and with seemingly endless wealth. >> this guy comes up on my phone. and you can see t