>> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- kristen stewart, jake johnson, and music from tinashe. and now, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: very nice. everyone, thanks. welcome, welcome. thank you. very nice. hey, i'm jimmy. i am the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. this is -- i have to say, this is a day that i've been waiting for almost my whole adult life, something finally happened. the united states senate today voted across party lines to make

daylight saving time permanent. meaning we may never have to change the clock on the microwave again! what they're trying to give us -- various politician have been trying to do this for years but they kept getting clock blocked. [ laughter ] not only did it pass, the vote was unanimous. when was the last time anything got a unanimous vote in the senate? they couldn't even agree unanimously to condemn asian american hate crimes. josh hawley was like, "let's not rush into anything." but this time they did. senator marco rubio of florida, a republican, was the lead sponsor of the bill. he said there's strong science behind it that is now showing and making people aware of the harm that clock-switching has. [ laughter ] good for you, marco. wait until you find out about all the other things that have strong science behind them. [ cheers and applause ] you're going to be amazed. it's a positive step, we've got

some common ground. i'm exceptionally proud to be an american today. we finally agreed on something. [ laughter ] an idea that every sane american can get behind, that the sun shall never again set at lunchtime on christmas day! [ laughter ] and may god bless us every one. we also saw an end to "the bachelor" tonight. that's good news, right? [ laughter ] part two of the two-night season finale. last night, i mentioned the fact that bachelor clayton found himself in quite a pickle. after he told three different women he loved them, in one week, he took two of them to the fantasy suite. rachel and gabby. then he wanted to bring the third one, susie, in there too. he said susie of all the three women i am in love with this week, you are the one i am in love with the most. [ laughter ] and susie said, did you tell the other two you loved them, and did you have sex with them? clayton was like, was i not supposed to? [ laughter ] susie said adios, then clayton had to break some bad news to the other two in what i'm pretty sure is the first-ever group breakup in "bachelor" history.

>> i realized it's not feasible for me to be in love with three women like i said i was. everybody deserves to have someone give them 100% of their heart. [ laughter ] and unfortunately i just can't be that person for either of you. because my heart's no longer here. it's with susie. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: imagine breaking up with two women at once? even polygamists don't do that. [ laughter ] i mean, how busy can this guy be? he's the bachelor. but clayton did grant each woman some alone time because he knew he had a mess to clean up. he sat down with gabby to explain very badly how it was possible for him to be simultaneously in love with all three of them. >> there's a difference between me with that and being in love, falling in love, there's all these differences. it's like, for me -- >> there is a difference between being in love and falling in love. >> that's where, again, i --

>> you told all of us that you were falling in that you loved us. >> i was falling in love with all three of you, but i realized you can only see your life with one person, therefore you can only be one person. >> you sound actually ridiculous. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, but do you hear you is the question. and then clayton tried to wrap it up with gabby and that didn't go much better. >> all i can say is i'm sorry. there's nothing i can say to fix this. everything i've done, i've done. and i have to answer to that. and i will answer to it. am i able to walk you out? >> no. >> no? [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: ooh. i'll gladly throw you out this window if you like. [ laughter ] so gabby and rachel left the show in tears, and clayton asks susie to meet him at the final rose where i guess he'd declare his love. susie says, no, thanks, it's over.

city she left. after they finished taping the season, susie came back and now they're together. which is a big deal for me personally because my wife, molly, at the beginning of the season, predicts who she believes will get the final rose. and the one she picked was susie, which is correct. [ cheers and applause ] come up here, molly, for a second. molly has now correctly picked 8 out of the last 9 bachelor winners, all after watching one episode. congratulations to you, molly. >> thank you, big day. thanks. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it is a big day. come here for a second, you. >> no. >> jimmy: come here. >> no. okay. what are you doing? >> jimmy: my darling molly, you've done it again. ♪ time after time i asked you to put your -- use your wisdom and your instincts and your intuition. and i asked you to put it all out there, and dammit, you did it, you did it for me, you did it for all of us.

and i am so proud of you right now, i am almost bursting with pride. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i want you to know that, molly. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: and also, i have something for you. molly, would you -- [ cheers and applause ] accept this imitation tiara? as a symbol of my love and admiration. for my nostradamus. congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] you're welcome, you're welcome. thank you, molly. molly! >> yeah? >> jimmy: who's going to win the ncaa tournament? we should make some money off of this. >> kansas. >> jimmy: she went to kansas. the other cinderella story is march madness. the ncaa basketball tournament is under way. this is that special time of year when the whole country comes together to gather around our televisions and ask, "what the hell channel number is trutv?" [ laughter ] obviously, president biden did not fill out a bracket with a war going on. obama used to fill out a bracket every year, but trump never did. trump liked to wait until the games were over and then tell

everyone he knew who was going to win. [ laughter ] the top seeds this year are arizona, kansas, baylor, and gonzaga, which, as i've mentioned before, does not exist. gonzaga is not a school. [ laughter ] no one's ever seen it. no one's ever been there. i tried to visit the campus, it was one of those spirit halloween stores. [ laughter ] it's true. take a look at this. this is the google search trend for the word "gonzaga." see all those spikes in march in the last ten years? otherwise, no one ever searches for it. 11 months out of the year -- look at this, for instance. this is harvard, we all agree is a real university, is a steady you know what gonzaga's search trend looks like? like the trend for another annual mythical creature, santa claus. [ laughter ] i rest my case. this, by the way, is what qanon should be focused on right now. the latest march madness from the qanon crowd is a theory -- donald trump, you know how he has a funny way of saying "china"? >> china. >> china. >> china. >> china. >> china.

>> china. >> jimmy: well, the theory is that trump is intentionally mispronouncing the word "china" to send a secret signal to the world that covid-19 was manufactured in ukraine. which is ukraizy. [ laughter ] apparently, there is a village in ukraine, and part of the name of that village has a word that sounds like "chy-na." and trump is speaking in code. you think donald trump is smart enough to speak in code? [ laughter ] this is a man who used his toilet as a paper shredder. okay? [ laughter ] not exactly the riddler we're dealing with here. [ laughter ] his son, eric trump, was on with sean hannity last night where eric did his best to answer a question nobody asked which is, who's your daddy? >> my father would call up, he would have said, vladamir, don't even think about it. my father had a great relationship with putin. my father was so far ahead. my father's always had great intuition. my father was tested. my father was very, very good. what did my father say? my father. your father. my father. my father. >> jimmy: there he is, the most unhugged son of all time.

[ laughter and applause ] no one has ever talked about his father -- not even jesus talked about his father that much. [ laughter ] now it's time to make new friends. let's go out to hollywood boulevard because it's time to play our favorite game here, "which one doesn't belong?" [ cheers and applause ] our announcer lou is outside looking very sharp. you're the only person in a suit on the boulevard, lou. >> lou: definitely, without a doubt. >> jimmy: so here's what we're going to do. this is an actual family with the exception of one member. let's look at those folks again. four of the five of these people are part of a family. one of them is not a part of the family. and my job is what, lou? >> lou: to figure out which one is not part of the family. >> jimmy: that's right, that's why we call it "which one doesn't belong?" their job is to try to trick me. let's meet them. let's start with dad. hi, there -- fred i guess is your name.

fred, you are really decked out in the pink, huh? >> yes, sir, yes, sir, love the pink. >> jimmy: now fred, this is your wife? >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: name everybody in the line. >> this is brandi. >> jimmy: yeah? >> rileigh. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> rayne. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> and reagan. >> jimmy: okay, all right. [ laughter ] rileigh, rayne -- all rs. i wonder -- oh, that's an inspirational sign. [ laughter ] anyway. sorry. i'm easily distracted. somebody saw greatness in me and i got excited, i don't know. all right. so -- okay, so now you guys are both wearing pink. that can't be a coincidence. but wait a minute. obviously we printed up some t-shirts because you're all wearing "best big sis" et cetera. let me talk to the kids. let me talk to reagan. reagan? >> yes? >> jimmy: who are you named after, reagan? >> hm -- my mom.

>> jimmy: you're named after your mom? what's your mom's name? >> ayesha. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. well. [ applause ] so are you a junior, then? all right, reagan, i'm just going to go out on a limb and say you are not the member of the family. reagan, this is your family? >> yes. >> jimmy: it is? oh. then you're really confused, huh? [ laughter ] all right. okay. wow, all right. all right, rayne, is reagan really part of the family? >> yes. >> jimmy: what bothers you the most about your sister reagan? >> she screams a lot. >> jimmy: she does. what about your sister rileigh? >> she just be on her phone a lot. >> jimmy: oh, that seems like a lie. [ laughter ] rileigh, what annoys you most about rayne? >> her fighting. >> jimmy: okay.

i'm going to say that -- oh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: one of the kids is -- which one of you is not telling the truth? raise your hand. [ laughter ] i'm going to say -- ryleigh, you are not a member of this family. are you? >> i am. >> jimmy: you are. rayne, are you a member of this family? >> yes. >> jimmy: oh. well, now i don't trust any of you. so i don't know if we're even getting the right stuff. okay. all right. let's talk to mom here. okay, mom, brandi? >> hello. >> jimmy: why did reagan say she's named after her mom, ayesha? >> i believe because -- i am not -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: understanding how the game works? >> yep. >> jimmy: yeah, okay. all right. brandi, you are not a member of this family, are you? [ cheers and applause ]

oh, wow. hold on. it's not fair. lou, did we put those shorts on brandi? >> lou: i don't know. the fact that we found someone else wearing pink is impressive. but no, i think brandi was wearing these when she got here. >> jimmy: brandi, were you wearing those when you got here? >> i was wearing these when i got here, yeah. >> jimmy: what do you think of fred? we might as well make this a family. [ laughter ] >> fred's super cool, but i'm the pull-in mom, the mom is here. >> jimmy: okay, great. i still don't know who's in the family. [ laughter ] but thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] you guys win. what do we have for them? >> lou: we've got a nintendo switch. >> jimmy: for the family, a nintendo switch. >> lou: for brandi, a light switch. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much, brandi. let's meet another family, shall we? that was tricky, right, guillermo? >> guillermo: yeah, it was very tricky. >> jimmy: they go to great lengths to try to trick me, our own staff does, so it makes it harder.

who else do we have? we have the moreno family, right, lou? >> lou: i think so, are you the moreno family? that's who we have. >> jimmy: all right, moreno family. let's meet each of you now. we'll start with dad. your name is juan? >> yes, it is. >> jimmy: hi, juan, how are you? >> i'm doing great, thank you. >> jimmy: where are you from, juan? >> from arizona. >> jimmy: oh, introduce your wife, juan. >> elsa. >> hi. >> jimmy: elsa, introduce the rest of the family. >> okay, so basically i have valentina. >> hi, how are you? >> jimmy: hi. >> valeria. and josefina. >> jimmy: oh, okay. all right. [ laughter ] well, i feel like there's a frauds in pink theme going on here. [ laughter ] josefina, are you a member of the family? >> yeah. the son. >> jimmy: you are? >> my son. >> jimmy: whose mom are you?

>> elsa. >> it's my mom. >> jimmy: you're elsa's mom? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what's her birthday? [ laughter ] [ speaking foreign language ] >> jimmy: okay, i am going to say, josefina, you are not the one, you do not belong, you are not a member of the family. are you a member of the family? >> si. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i can't tell, is she still just playing the game? [ laughter and applause ] lou, do you know the answer? >> lou: i can't tell. i think -- i think she said the 1st of march. i think we're on the same page. >> jimmy: we are, okay, all right. let's meet valeria. >> hi, how are you? >> jimmy: i'm good. this is your sister valentina? >> yes, twin sister, i don't know if you can tell. >> jimmy: oh, okay, that helps me. [ laughter ] twin sisters. you guys do look alike, yes. you are -- okay.

i am going to say -- okay. i'm going to go with -- elsa -- no. juan, you are not in the family. juan, are you a member of this family? >> no, i'm not. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you are not, thank you. >> thank you, thank you! >> jimmy: all right, what do we have for the moreno family? >> lou: for the family, tickets to the wax museum. >> jimmy: what do we have for juan? >> lou: for juan, a wax candle. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, juan. thanks, morenos. i don't know. i still don't know how i did. but i think i did pretty well. thank you for playing. jake johnson is here. we have music from tinashe. and we'll be right back with kristen stewart. so stick around!

check out this vrbo. oh man. ♪ come on. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back to the show. tonight, from "minx" on hbo max, jake johnson is with us. then later, this is the deluxe version of her album, "three three three," which is out now. tinashe from the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, andrew garfieldm ghost. so please join us for that. our first guest is a very talented actress who, right now, is nominated for what they call an oscar for her portrayal of the late princess diana in the movie "spencer." "spencer" is on hulu now. please welcome kristen stewart. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: good to see you. i was going to wear the same

thing tonight. >> i was thinking about how to joke with you about that. don't try it, it won't land. like, where's your blue? you did it for me. >> jimmy: leave that for me, i'll try it on, i'll send you a picture of it. >> you've got it. >> jimmy: congratulations on the oscar nomination. [ cheers and applause ] i think it's interesting because i think -- you know, you see you're a famous person, yeah, she's nominated for an oscar. butou're a kid. thought about acting. then started acting. dreamed, probably, of this. now here we are and it's happening. >> i know. i'm hooked up to a matrix simulation, so i'm making this all up and i'm such a true visionary. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you willed it, the way oprah tells us to do that. are your parents super excited about this? >> yeah. yeah, my dad -- my dad had a really normal reaction. he was just like, "oh, so proud of you, honey, of course, my kid." which is ridiculous. i'm like, "dad, you take all the credit for this, you deserve it,

honey." and then my mom was like -- it was very early in the morning. i hit her up. she was really the one that kick started this for me. i was a really shy kid and was like, i think i want to try to act and maybe get head shots. they're $3,000, someone at school told me about it, can you please hook me up? and she was like, invested in me, looked at me in the rear-view mirror for f-150, "are you going to make good on this, are you going to pay me back?" i was like, "yes." when i was a kid i was really confident. that's what happens. you geld older. >> jimmy: did you give her the three grand? >> she's -- that's not the moral of the story here. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that would be a nice oscar moment, for you to whip up 30 100-dollar bills and hand them to mom. >> only now, this is truly making it. >> jimmy: you know, i don't know, i was watching instagram or something. i happened upon -- your fans are exceptionally excited about this oscar thing. probably more than you were.

well, let's just take a look at some of them reacting. >> nicole kidman in -- and kristen stewart -- >> aahh! aahh! >> and kristen stewart -- >> yes! yes! >> and kristen stewart -- in "spencer." >> and kristen stewart -- >> yes! >> -- in "spencer." >> thank you, academy! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i don't think i've ever been that excited about anything. >> can you send this to me so i can send them to my mom so she knows the proper reaction? >> jimmy: this is how it's supposed to do, literally i was like, mom, dude, i got it. she was like, well, honey, that's great. just waking up but that's not why we do things. li, what's up? she's like, i think i might be a

little gobsmacked. i was like, okay. it took a few minutes but that is the reaction. >> jimmy: right, yeah. she was trying to teach you a lesson, like you're still 12 years old, that's not why we do this, you understand. yes, it is, mom, it's exactly why we do this. you also, congratulations on your engagement, which i was listening to you "the howard stern show." [ cheers and applause ] i'm wondering if you planned to announce that you were engaged on that show? or if he just kind of got it out of you? that's a good question. because he is the best interview in town. everybody knows that. no clue. i would have told him -- i was going to say something inappropriate. i would tell him anything. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, really. >> if he was like, "so, what kind of --" anything. just fill in -- just -- >> jimmy: you guys have weirdly great chemistry. i would not have imagined you'd have such -- have you been listening to the show for a long time? >> i actually have. my dad loves him. >> jimmy: i see. >> yeah, by proxy. >> jimmy: yeah. so -- okay, so howard then got

into all the stuff. and one of the things that you guys talked about was that you wanted guy fieri to be your officiant at the wedding. is he a reverend, guy fieri? as far as i know, he's not a man of the cloth. >> right. >> jimmy: if he is a man of the cloth, it looks like a race car. [ laughter ] is guy going to do this? >> i think he's totally down. i've heard now through the grapevine, he's like followed up a couple of times too, i'm like -- i'm trying to win an oscar. i'm kidding. [ laughter ] i'm so busy, i'm not planning my wedding. >> jimmy: guy would be good, he could not only marry you, he could cater the whole thing too. >> that's true, sliders. every kind of slider. >> jimmy: will your parents pay for it? >> um -- >> jimmy: has that been discussed? >> i'll take the $3,000 and reinvest, i'll just do that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: have you thought about buffet? have you thought about sit-down dinner? have you planned it all out? >> i've done a little bit of dreaming. but i haven't planned anything.

i'm a food-obsessed person. that's maybe the most important part. >> jimmy: yeah, it is the most important part. can i make a recommendation? i should probably tell you this off the air. you should just get married when you win the oscar. [ laughter ] if you win the oscar, you should walk up there -- >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: just have somebody nail it, right now you've got everybody there, the whole reception is paid for. [ laughter ] >> that's true. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it would be one of the great moments. >> but if i don't -- if i don't win, i'll just -- i'll just ask olivia colman to marry me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not a bad idea. kristen stewart here's. her movie is "spencer." we'll be right back. >> lou: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by guinness. happy st. patrick's day.

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mummy, why do we have to open our presents on christmas eve? why not christmas day like everybody else? >> in school you do tenses. there's past, present, future. >> right. >> well, here. there's only one tense. there is no future. the past and the present are the same thing. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is kristen stewart, believe it or not, "spencer" on hulu right now, for which kristen was nominated for an oscar. you did an unbelievably great job in this movie. [ cheers and applause ] really, it was so crazy. i guess this is the idea. but i forgot it was you. i don't know if you've seen

this, but this was tweeted i believe just yesterday. this is princess diana's chef. you know what this is? it says "as princess diana's chef, i talked to her every day, no actor has ever been able to capture her voice and mannerisms the way kristen stewart did in "spencer," she 100% deserves an oscar." she knew him so well, she signed a picture with no shoes on for him. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] he could cater the wedding too, you know? >> i told you, i have a lot of people waiting in line. >> jimmy: did you keep the diana wig? >> my -- my personal director kept it. we've been doing zooms and it's in the background on a fake head. i knew he was a strang man, that's why i love him. but i was like, you freak. [ laughter ] it's just floating in the background. >> jimmy: there was only one wig, huh? >> we had two. >> jimmy: oh. you didn't get either one of them?

seems like you would have first dibs on the wig, no? >> i'd get on that. no, yeah. >> jimmy: did you grow to hate the wig after a while? >> no, it is the only reason i'm doing this movie. everyone thinks it's my performance, it's just that beautiful wig. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i want to ask you about -- spoiler alert, at the end, princess di leaves prince charles. [ laughter ] sorry. but what happens at the end is really i think interesting, and it kind of made me laugh, because it was such a -- like almost dream-like ending to the film where you get in a car with harry and william, and you guys -- and the song "all i need is a miracle" by mike and the mechanics comes on. >> yeah, and it's been very sultry and tense, like driving jazz and score shrieking the whole time. suddenly, like -- >> jimmy: you don't know if it's a fantasy, dream, real, paranoia, what's going on. then all of a sudden -- ♪ all i need is a miracle ♪ >> it's her, yeah.

>> jimmy: was that the only choice for the song? did you know that was the choice going in? >> so music was such a huge part of our whole experience, making this thing. we kind of rifled through a ton of stuff. he found that maybe halfway through shooting and was very positive that that was the song. it's just too spot-on. in a good way. it's like, if you're going to make a really sort of internal poetic, you know, albeit serious thing, then at the end go, we need, like, a good "breakfast club" like -- i wanted to wear a trench coat and put my fist in the air. [ laughter ] it was the egg on the face of the montage where it's like, your derpy boyfriend is like -- then you're running into the sunset. "all you need is a miracle." it all breaks so -- you know, because it's true. in order for us to have her, we'd need an actual miracle. >> jimmy: i think it wouldn't work were it not for how sadly her story really ended. it would be ridiculous if it hadn't.

but because it did, it does work. does that make any sense? >> i think maybe i was trying to say that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. >> so thank you. >> jimmy: oh, so you said that already, then i said it again. [ laughter ] >> no, honestly, this is why we need to do this together. it takes a village. a collaboration. >> jimmy: let's do another take, i'm sure we'll nail it next time. we'll tell the story next time you're here. >> let's do it again, everyone down? >> jimmy: i wish you a lot of luck at the oscars. [ cheers and applause ] they say it's an honor just to be nominated, and i would imagine that it is an incredible honor to be nominated. >> i can't believe. >> jimmy: who knows, maybe you'll be up there, you'll win, you'll get married right there on the stage. kristen stewart, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] "spencer" on hulu now. we'll be right back with jake johnson! ? canceling plans, commanding a room, being your own biggest fan.

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welcome back to the show. you know, there's one thing everyone knows about me, it's that i love to watch clumsy people banging into things, and with that said, what are you doing? >> guillermo: i'm making a toast. >> jimmy: oh. okay. so once again, we bring you some of the bloodiest -- wait, why are you making toast? >> guillermo: because guinness is starting the st. patrick's day celebrations early this year with their great reunion toast contest. >> jimmy: wow, guillermo, you read so well. is that the one where guinness is giving away $50,000 in cash prizes to 20 different winners for a total of one million dollars?

>> guillermo: yes, and all i have to do to enter is submit the best toast that embodies the spirit of st. patrick's day. >> jimmy: so what you're telling us is you're making toast? >> guillermo: no duh, bro. >> jimmy: guillermo, they don't mean bread, they mean a toast -- raising a glass to something like being together on st. patrick's day. >> guillermo: oh, i just have to toast with the beer? >> jimmy: exactly, yes. just like this, here. >> guillermo: that's so easy, bro. let's have some toast. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, bro, we'll have a toast. did you write something? >> guillermo: a toast to guinness. you taste so good, i like to drink you. >> jimmy: i don't think you're going to win the contest. >> lou: happy st. patrick's day! guinness is giving out $1 million in cash prizes. to enter, submit your st. patrick's toast video to toast.guinness.com through march 31. must be 21 and over to enter.

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>> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back. music from tinashe is on the way. pour next guest is a very funny man who spent seven seasons as zooey deschanel's tv roommate.

starting thursday on hbo max, he goes from "new girl" to nude guys as a pioneer of 1970's erotica on the new show "minx." >> you're saying nude men -- >> it's not like right in the face, classy, with your modern point of view. >> mentally ill. >> you're the one who came up with the idea. >> that was a conversation -- you don't even understand what it is i'm trying to do here. >> of course i do. feminism. making [ bleep ] fair and equal for the chicks. how is it fair and equal that a guy has 12 places to go to see a pair of titties but a gal has no place to go to see a dong? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: please welcome jake johnson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> great. >> jimmy: so i don't know if you

i do remember this but the last time you were here was three days before we shut down for the pandemic. >> yeah, we were the biggest goobers on tv. >> jimmy: elbow bumping. >> like, it's no big deal! and we were wrong. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, we were wrong. >> and it's on tv. >> jimmy: we've destroyed that one, no worry about that. we thought, if we don't shake hands, we'll be fine. >> i also thought, everyone's making a real big deal of it, it's going to be fine, everybody chill. then the world stopped. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and that was recorded. so you can't deny it and say, no, i mean, i had ideas but it's fine. >> jimmy: i don't know, i think donald trump has taught us that you can. [ laughter ] >> fair. >> jimmy: you brought a photo from your time during lockdown. i don't want to reveal the photo. i'd like to hear the story behind it. >> i wasn't working and my kids were bored. we had a day where they said work, you ever cut your hair? i said, of course i'd cut my hair. then i started thinking of the hunks, like tom hardy, who shave their hair, they look so good.

>> jimmy: yeah. >> i thought, why not me? [ laughter ] maybe i'm that guy. >> jimmy: and you let them do it? or you did it yourself? >> i did it. they were watching, they were cheering me on, it was fun. i shaved it. it was feeling good at first. i got it all gone, it was shaved. >> jimmy: and then? [ laughter ] this happened. [ laughter and applause ] >> i'll tell you, jimmy -- the features don't lie. [ laughter ] and i know i got a nose. i didn't know i had that nose. [ laughter ] my daughter, when i shaved it off, before i saw it, "what do you think?" she goes," daddy, you look terrible!" [ laughter ] "you asked me to do this!" >> jimmy: don't listen to your kids ever again is the moral. yeah you're one arrest away from getting a teardrop tattooed onto your eye. [ laughter ] >> honestly, you look at tom

hardy, you look at this, how did this happen? >> jimmy: you look good regular. just don't ever go bald. >> okay, there was one clap. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thanks, thanks. don't buy it, don't buy it. >> jimmy: on the show which is set in 1971? >> '71. >> jimmy: are you wearing a wig? >> no, i grew it long. >> jimmy: you grew your hair long. so your hair grows when you want it to. >> >> jimmy: yeah did you like having long hair? >> i was surprised how quickly i got very vain. >> jimmy: really? >> long hair really does it to you. once your hair goes past here, this occurs. [ laughter ] then you start thinking about how you condition it. then if you use a certain conditioner and then you sleep on it and you wake up and it looks great? now you're in a routine. [ laughter ] then you get to work and people compliment you. and with my looks i'm not that guy. so i get to work," nice hair." i'd be like, "thank you so much! i conditioned it then slept on it wet!"

>> jimmy: wow, you had a whole thing. >> i had a whole thing. the other thing that happens, when you're a man with long hair, you join a club. just like guys who drive harleys. they see each other. they can both kind of do this. well, if you're a man with long hair and you're around another man with long hair, you're allowed to say, "beautiful locks, brother." [ laughter ] and then back, "do you condition?" "yeah, i condition, then i sleep on it wet." "looks great." as soon as you cut it, you do that same line, you are in a death trap. >> jimmy: really. is that true? is there a real camaraderie between men of long hair? >> my hair was down to here. if i saw another long-haired man i'm allowed to go, "nice, bro." "you too, man." "thanks, man, just blowing it out." >> jimmy: wow, i feel like i want to be part of that. >> have you ever gone long hair? >> jimmy: no, i've never really had long hair. maybe if i start smoking i'll be part of a community. >> cigarettes and long hair. >> jimmy: "minx," for those who

don't know, well, you -- >> a young feminist wants to have her magazine published and no one will do it. my dark doug decides to publish it but with a quist. >> jimmy: quite a twist, there are naked men in the magazine. >> we need nude men in the middle, then her writing. it's about basically the first "playgirl." >> jimmy: ite based on someone real or a real magazine? >> i think it's loosely based on "playgirl." but i loosely based my character off my uncle eddie. [ laughter ] >> the uncle eddie? >> yeah. a guy i grew up with. eddie was having legal trouble. he had to live with us when i was growing up. >> jimmy: excellent. >> wonderful father figure type. [ laughter ] one day he said to me, i was 15, he goes, you want to do a football pool together? and i was like, sure, yeah. he goes, great, okay. printed out all the teams and the scores. he goes, hand that to everybody in school. get them to give you 5 bucks. i go, great. so i did. and it spread like wildfire, jimmy. everybody wanted in.

card, card, money, money. come sunday i go, i have about $700, here it is, how do i do it? what's the system? he goes, no system. [ laughter ] i go, yes system. how do i do it? he goes, no system. i go, what do i do? he goes, who do you trust more than anybody? i go, in school? a.j. gomberk. he said, call a.j., tell him hi won the pool, give him $200 to shut his effing mouth. [ laughter ] i go, hey, a.j., it's jake, you won the pool. he said, how did i win, i didn't win any games. shut your effing mouth, don't tell anyone! >> jimmy: a.j. got to $300, you kept the $400? >> eddie took a cut. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: eddie took a cut. that's an uncle eddie for you, wow. is uncle eddie still with us? >> r.i.p. >> jimmy: of course, yes. >> that's how bad the story is. >> jimmy: yes. i have a feeling uncle eddie

looked a little like this. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: jake johnson. the show is highly praised. i've been seeing great reviews "minx" premieres thursday on hbo max. we'll be right back with tin nausea shea. [ cheers and applause ] tinashe. >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.

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>> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: names to kristen stewart and jay johnson. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. tomorrow night, andrew garfield and keke palmer, with music from ghost. "nightline" is next, but first, this is the deluxe edition of her album, "three three three." here with the song "x," tinashe! ♪ ♪ ♪ x marks the spot now can you find it turnt up you wanna get behind it ♪

♪ i wanna feel your body it's on fire you let me do the talkin baby quiet ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh-oh oh ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh-oh oh ♪ ♪ x marks the spot now can you find it i wanna feel your body it's on fire yeah ♪ ♪ big big deal big big wheels ooh ♪ ♪ pop seals can i call it man of steel ooh ♪ ♪ can i feel can i taste can i chill mm ♪ ♪ took a little sip ooh ♪ ♪ bad she look fine she does it ♪ ♪ savage you don't mind you love it ♪ ♪ center stage she go live don't touch it ♪ ♪ come and play for the night you love that ♪ ♪ x marks the spot now can you find it turnt up you wanna get behind it ♪ ♪ i wanna feel your body it's on fire

you let me do the talkin baby quiet ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh-oh oh ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh-oh oh ♪ ♪ x marks the spot now can you find it i wanna feel your body it's on fire ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ x marks the spot now can you find it turnt up you wanna get behind it ♪ ♪ i wanna feel your body it's on fire you let me do the talkin baby quiet ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh-oh oh ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh-oh oh ♪ ♪ x marks the spot now can you find it i wanna feel your body it's on fire yeah ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, russian resistance. as their military pounds ukraine, russian president vladimir putin is also waging a disinformation campaign at home. >> he's been using the word war, could be prosecuted criminally. >> thousands arrested for daring to speak out. others so at odds with the regime choosing to leave their country. >> i don't want my children to be part of it. i don't want to be part of it myself. >> and the light in the darkness. a parent's heartache. losing a child in an unimaginable way. >> she was screaming. and i said, get out of the house. >> but out of that deep heartbreak, former tv producer